Why Is It So Difficult To Believe Single Men Can Have Paternal Instincts Too? by A. Mahdawi

Why Is It So Difficult To Believe Single Men Can Have Paternal Instincts Too? by A. Mahdawi

Single women get slammed with the reverse stereotype as what this author  describes about unmarried men in this editorial: we’re (single women) all expected to be really maternal, even if we find babies and children annoying and weird and prefer the company of adults only. 

I have other posts on my blog with articles about the negative stereotypes that culture and married people have about singles – and ones that pertain to single women.

For example, some restaurants with bars (Link): forbid single women from sitting at the bar, because the management insultingly assumes any woman sitting alone at the bar is a prostitute (I am not joking). See the links under “Related Posts” at the bottom of this page for more such unfortunate examples.

(Link): Why Is It So Difficult To Believe Single Men Can Have Paternal Instincts Too? by A. Mahdawi

Excerpts:

The widespread mockery and suspicion of Gaetz’s relationship with Nestor isn’t just due to the congressman’s personality, however; it reflects sexist assumptions about parenthood.

A Table For One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (podcast and free book on singleness from author Kinneret Lahad)

A Table For One: Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (podcast and free book on singleness from author Kinneret Lahad)

The author was also offering a free (yes, free – and it’s totally legal) download or copy of her book about singleness (a book which I have not read; I may do so later).

I did listen to the interview she gave for the podcast linked to here:

(Link): A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time
^ Podcast on that Page

Why are you still single?

This question is often asked of single women, especially those who are deemed by loved ones or friends to be too old to be single.

In her newest book, A Table for One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time(Manchester University Press, 2017), Kinneret Lahad analyzes this undertheorized aspect of the gendered experience.

Singlehood is inextricably linked to a post-structural analysis of time: not only are single women judged on their single status based on how old they are, but Lahad argues that being single often ages women at a faster rate in the eyes of others.

Southern Baptist Al Mohler Intimates That Childless And Childfree Adults Are Not Human (2019) – and He Thinks This is a Good and Biblical Worldview

Southern Baptist Al Mohler Intimates That Childless And Childfree Adults Are  Not Human (2019) – and He Thinks This is a Good and Biblical Worldview

I am amazed that (Link): Mohler’s tweet / blog post / podcast from August 2019, where he indicates that anyone who doesn’t biologically pro-create is not fully human, did not get far more blow-back and attention than it did. Because it most certainly deserved a lot of push back.

(Please note: this post has been edited a few times since I published it, so that I could add more commentary and more links, and I may (or may not) edit it more in the future.)

At the time Mohler’s comment about this happened (August 2019),  I was too busy at the time to blog about it (or even months later). Hence, my post tackling this issue now, in June of 2020.

Mohler did (rightfully) get a lot of flack under the tweet at the time (I would ask that you (Link): click on the tweet link and read the replies he received), and one or two blogs ripped his attitude apart, but by and large, most did not tackle this.

Here is how Mohler’s tweet read (it is also embedded below):

Americans are basically, by the millions, giving up on the fact that to be human is to be a parent, eventually to take on that responsibility to get married and have children, to take on the responsibility of passing on civilization itself.
— end Mohler Tweet content —

Mohler also had a (Link): web page with either an essay or a podcast about this topic, but as of June 2020, the page does not seem to be working (you might be able to view an archived version of that page (Link): here – or view Mohler’s page on (Link): Google Cache).

At this point in time, I do not care to re-explain, for the billionth time, why the Bible and the God of the Bible does NOT support the “nuclear family,” marriage and natalism (and parenthood) to the insane degree that so many social conservatives and Christians and guys like Al Mohler assume.

I refer you to these older posts of mine which explain that no, the Bible does not endorse “the nuclear family,” marriage or parenting, not in the way conservative Christians presume it does (I have many more blog posts discussing this, I will only be sharing a few of them here – also some related posts here):

(Link): Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link):   If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t, by John B. Carpenter, CP Guest Contributor

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link): This Christmas, I’m Defining Family by My Single Friends by L. Wilbert

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link):  Really, It’s Okay To Be Single – In order to protect marriage, we should be careful not to denigrate singleness – by Peter Chin

(Link): Parents Who Regret Having Children Speak Honestly About Why It Was A Huge Mistake

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link): Why Having Kids Won’t Fulfill You

Mohler Judging If Someone is Human Or Not Based on Their Childed Status

I’m pretty sure that the Bible says all humans are fully human because God deemed them so, and because all humans are created in the image of God.

The Bible says nothing about one’s value or worth or humanity being defined by marital or parental status.

God does not love childless or childfree people any less than he does people who have children.

The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links

The Nuclear Family Was A Mistake – by David Brooks – and Related Links

If you want to get right to it, here’s the main link:

(Link): The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake by David Brooks  – via The Atlantic (off site link)

Before I paste in excerpts from that editorial by David Brooks below, I wanted to say a few words, and I will be pasting in any relevant links about the Brooks piece even farther below that.

I’ve been saying on this blog FOR YEARS many of the same things that Brooks has outlined in his essay.

Some of what I’ve been saying on this blog for years now includes:
that Christians and conservatives have turned Marriage and The Nuclear Family into idols,
that they have placed weight upon both that the Bible never did, and in the process of advocating marriage, these conservatives and Christians have marginalized the never-married, the divorced, the widowed and the childless or childfree among them, and this is wrong.

The Bible does not teach that marriage – or parenting – are going to “fix” society, or that being married or becoming a parent is necessary to make a person into a moral, upstanding, responsible individual.

If you’re a conservative or a Christian who keeps sounding the alarm about falling marriage rates, you need to accept reality for what it is: most people now are either single and childless by choice or by circumstance.

The United States is simply never going back to the June and Ward Cleaver family structures in mass droves that existed in the 1950s; (Link): so get over it already, and stop trying to punish or guilt trip anyone and everyone who doesn’t marry or have children.

‘I Prefer Cleaning My House Than Having Sex’ -various women talk about how they prefer house cleaning to having sex

‘I prefer cleaning my house than having sex’

(Link): Meet four women who prefer cleaning the house to having sex with their partners

CLEANING is the new sex – that’s what Jessie J says, anyway.

The Do It Like A Dude singer, who is in an on-off relationship with Magic Mike actor Channing Tatum, said: “Cooking, organising and sex are my favourite things, in that order.”

The 31-year-old said tidying was her “love language”, and she’s not the only celebrity who has taken to this new kind of clean living.

People Keep Dying or Getting Injured Due to Stupid Gender Reveal Parties

People Keep Dying or Getting Injured Due to Stupid Gender Reveal Parties

At least one to two people have died or have been injured within the last few weeks due to these moronic and totally unnecessary “gender reveal” parties.

Gender reveal parties are dumb.

Here are links to editorials and news stories about these deaths:

(Link): A woman died at a gender reveal party. But it has long been clear this fad is out of control.

At some point, this all feels like it’s less about the baby and far more about the parents loudly pledging public allegiance to gender norms.

…Yes, you read correctly: A 56-year-old woman was killed instantly last weekend when a homemade contraption crafted to send pink or blue powder into the atmosphere at a gender reveal party accidentally exploded like a pipe bomb, traveling hundreds of feet and striking the woman in the head and killing her.

Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin

Supposedly Woman-Honoring and Pro-Marriage Focus On the Family Group Wants Wives to Blame Themselves If or When Their Husbands Commit Adultery – Re: Book: ‘How God Used the Other Woman,’ by Tina Konkin

I have some new developments in my personal life that have kept me busy the last month or two, which is why I’ve not been blogging as often.

During this time, I do recall seeing comments on other people’s blogs and on Twitter, about some idiotic, sexist, stupid book that “Focus On The Family” was recommending or selling.

Here is a page about the book by Tina Konkin that created an uproar:

(Link): How God Used “the Other Woman”: Saving Your Marriage After Infidelity via Focus On The Family site

Excerpts about that book from the site:

In How God Used “the Other Woman,” Konkin shares how she and her husband Ron saved their marriage after his affair and fought to make it better than ever before.
——

I am horrified to see that this Tina Konkin works as (or claims to be) (Link): a “relationship expert.”

This awful book of hers is also being sold at Wal-Mart.

From what I can recall, it’s a book for Christian wives that tells them how to approach their husband or their marriage if and whenever their husband should commit adultery,
and their view is that you, you Christian wife, should blame yourself for  your husband’s adultery, don’t hold him accountable, and just write off the situation as a learning experience.

Below you will find a few links or videos to work by other people refuting such a disgusting viewpoint.

Before I get to those resources, though, I wanted to point out how utterly hypocritical these conservative secular and conservative Christian groups are, who proclaim they respect women, and marriage, and The Nuclear Family.

Two Iranian Politicians’ Sex Tapes Are Leaked To Expose Hypocrisy of Male Lawmakers Who Preach Morality Under Strict Islamic Law that Issues Death Sentences To Women For Adultery

Two Iranian Politicians’ Sex Tapes Are Leaked To Expose Hypocrisy of Male Lawmakers Who Preach Morality Under Strict Islamic Law that Issues Death Sentences To Women For Adultery

One will be hard-pressed to ever see Liberal Feminists discuss this, because it conflicts with their stupid ‘Intersectionality’ beliefs, in which Muslims are viewed as being a bigger ‘victim class’ than women…

So hey, according to this very warped American liberal thought process, if Muslim men want to sexually exploit women and then kill the women, or kill women like them for fornication, that is A-OK by the standards of most liberals.

Will Stephanie Drury of “Stuff Christian Culture Likes Facebook group” ever acknowledge a story like this one?

Nope, not likely – it doesn’t bolster Drury’s liberal, antagonistic- against- Christianity (and yes, I know she attends mass, but she’s still quite caustic against the faith) views.

One can see from stories such as this one that Muslims, particularly male Muslims, are not victims – they are not victims, nor are they oppressed in Western culture, and they are sure as hell not victims in nations in which they are in the majority.

Also, the similarities between Islamic views on sex and women, in which women are blamed for the sexual sins of men, or women are punished for sexual sin but men are not (ie, double standards and sexism aplenty), and the American Christian complementarian view of sex and women, is quite striking.

(Link): Two Iranian Politicians’ Sex Tapes Are Leaked To Expose Hypocrisy of Male Lawmakers Who Preach Morality Under Strict Islamic Law that Issues Death Sentences To Women For Adultery

Excerpts:

August 2019

Two Iranian politicians’ sex tapes have been leaked on social media by activists trying to highlight the hypocrisy of officials who preach morality under strict Islamic law.

The first video was posted online on August 4 and is said to have captured Ali Mohammad Ahmadi – the former governor of Kohgiluyeh and Boyer-Ahmad – having sexual relations with a woman.

No One Told Me Exactly What to Expect From Menopause. But the Messages I Did Get Were Very Wrong by D. Steink

No One Told Me Exactly What to Expect From Menopause. But the Messages I Did Get Were Very Wrong by D. Steinke

(Link): No One Told Me Exactly What to Expect From Menopause. But the Messages I Did Get Were Very Wrong

Excerpts:

I was 50 when I woke in my dark attic bedroom in Brooklyn, my heart speeding and my body incandescent with heat. I did not feel simply hot, no, I was being smothered by an internal fire that seemed to pool inside my body like lava.

At first I thought it was a heart attack.

After more flashes, over my morning bowl of oatmeal, as I rode the subway under the East River and while I taught, I realized it was not a heart attack. It was a hot flash.

I had entered menopause, that fraught transition in every woman’s life, known in an earlier time as The Dangerous Age.

Earlier life stages, going through puberty and giving birth, had opened up new worlds, the excitement of sexuality and motherhood.

But menopause arrived without absorbing directives. Instead of new obsessions and responsibilities, I felt a nothingness.

It’s a void created in part by our oversexed patriarchal culture, a world that has little respect for older women.

Valued most for our sexuality and role as mothers many women feel, once that phase is over, as I did. Marginalized. The message, never stated directly but manifesting in myriad ways, is an overwhelmingly nihilistic one: your usefulness is over. Please step to the sidelines.

…..I searched for books that might help me understand what was happening to me. I read Suzanne Sommers’ The Sexy Years and Gail Sheedy’s Silent Passages.

Both are fear-based.

Both authors are frantic to keep the veneer of a fertile femininity intact.

A Man Allegedly Shot A Baby In The Head After Her Mom Rejected Him At A Party by B. Sacks

A Man Allegedly Shot A Baby In The Head After Her Mom Rejected Him At A Party by B. Sacks

Here is an example of Toxic Masculinity – a phenomenon that many conservatives either misunderstand or believe does not exist. (Note to any new-comers: I am a conservative. I am not a liberal, but I do agree with liberals and feminists that Toxic Masculinity is real.)

(Link) A Man Allegedly Shot A Baby In The Head After Her Mom Rejected Him At A Party

June 2019

The 10-month-old girl had surgery Sunday to remove bullet fragments from her skull. The suspect has been charged with attempted murder.

A man allegedly shot a 10-month-old baby in the head after her mother rejected him at a party, police said.

Officials in Fresno, California, say 23-year-old Marcos Antonio Echartea had continuously hounded Deziree Menagh at a party Saturday night.

Echartea allegedly met the 18-year-old woman the week before and, when he ran into her at the gathering, tried to grab her hand.

Man Accidentally Burns His Wife’s Face Off, So He Divorces Her

Man Accidentally Burns His Wife’s Face Off, So He Divorces Her

The way this article reads, this man accidentally lit his wife’s face on fire – the dumb ass used a can of gas to pour on some camp fire flames to reignite the fire – and after she was hospitalized and came out disfigured, he left her.

What a dick he is.

I’ve heard this is pretty common – that often, in a marriage, if the wife becomes sick in some way, say she gets cancer or what not – most men will divorce the wife.

Most men do not want to act as caretaker to a sick spouse, because unlike women, men are raised and coddled in our society to be selfish (they expect women to wait on them, and dog knows that complementarian Christians in particular really promote this sick teaching), where-as we ladies are raised from the time we are kids to always put ourselves last and to cater to the needs of others no matter what.

I wish this lady well. She seems like she is doing better now.

I don’t want Christians telling me any more – or members of conservative think tanks who publish “studies” on marriage – that marriage makes people or culture better – because it does not.

Marriage does not make people less selfish, more loving, or more responsible – it sure as hell did not cause the man in this story to stand by his wife, even after he set her on fire and she was in enormous physical pain (and I’d imagine mental pain as well) for weeks or months.

Anyway, if I am grasping this correctly, this douche nozzle dumped his wife because she was disfigured because he accidentally set her on fire. He left her over something he was responsible for doing, incredible.

(Link): Georgia Mom, 29, Disfigured in Campfire Accident

by C Keating

It’s been almost three years since Courtney Waldon suffered third- and fourth-degree burns over her entire body from a campfire accident at her Georgia home. Now, she says, life couldn’t be better.

Study: Men Think About Sports More Than Sex by J. Gratton

Study: Men Think About Sports More Than Sex by J. Gratton

Yet another article that blows holes in the stupid complementarian books, podcasts, and sermons male pastors love to give that assume that all men think about sex all the time.

(Link): MYTH BUSTER Men don’t think about sex every 7 seconds – we’re more likely to be thinking about football instead 

May 14, 2019

Almost 65 per cent of lads [men] admitted to thinking about football more than sex, a new study has revealed

IT’S a well accepted idea that men typically think about sex every seven seconds.

But according to a new study that’s a myth – we’re far more likely to have football on our minds.

Some 64 per cent of men think about football more than they do sex, with just eight per cent of lads admitting they think about romping all the time.

Problems With the Article ‘Tony Evans warns Satan attacking biblical manhood; society on ‘precipice’ of disaster’

Problems With the Article ‘Tony Evans warns Satan attacking biblical manhood; society on ‘precipice’ of disaster’

The article I will be addressing in this post:

(Link): Tony Evans warns Satan attacking biblical manhood; society on ‘precipice’ of disaster

Excerpt:

Evans told CP that until manhood is properly defined, culture cannot be saved.
—///—

I am a (Link): former gender complementarian, so I understand the outlook of a Tony Evans and guys like him, and many of the assumptions that are made about culture and gender roles, but these are views that I no longer share.

Gender Role malarky aside, one of my biggest problems with the views of Tony Evans brought forth in this article is that he is of the mindset -like many Christians are- that culture can or should be saved.

He further thinks that teaching Christian gender roles is the way to go about it.

As I’ve stated many times previously in other posts, the Bible says that Jesus Christ alone saves, and he saves on the individual level.

He doesn’t save groups or cultures.

Indian Women’s Rights Campaigner Says Porn Driving Surge in Underage Girls Being Raped

Indian Women’s Rights Campaigner Says Porn Driving Surge in Underage Girls Being Raped

Seems that about once a week, every week, I see a most horrendous title go through my Twitter feed, not just of women and girls being raped, but brutally so: they may be decapitated after being raped, or, there was a serial rapist who was breaking the legs of little six or eight year old girls prior to raping them.

And what do these news headlines have in common?

They all take place in India.

There are sexists and rapists ’round the world, but the brutality of the rapes and the commonality of it seems more prevalent in India. What the hell is going on in India that this happens, and that it happens so frequently?

I am sick and tired of “third wave feminists” defending sexist shit that hurts girls and women, such as pornography (they love to erroneously argue that porn is “empowering” for women – no, it’s not), and they actually argue in favor of prostitution.

(Link): Indian Women’s Rights Campaigner Says Porn Driving Surge in Underage Girls Being Raped

Exclusive: Rukmini​ Rao says many young girls and women are not properly educated about the definition of consent

by M. Oppenheim

An Indian women’s rights campaigner has said a surge in underage girls being raped can be attributed to the rise in men watching porn but condemned the decision to introduce the death penalty for such crimes.

Dr Rukmini Rao, who has campaigned for increased punishment for rape and the recognition of domestic violence, argued the growing popularity of porn was driving not just underage rape but also marital rape.

My Thoughts Regarding the Editorial: Sex & The Single Pastor by Rod Dreher

My Thoughts Regarding the Editorial: Sex & The Single Pastor by Rod Dreher

The following editorial by Rod Dreher is about a liberal Luthern preacher named Nadia Bolz Weber who recently had a bunch of women’s “sexual purity rings” melted down to have an artist form them into the shape of a vagina.

Bolz Weber also released a new book about sex called “Shameless.” It’s an anti-Purity Culture book.

The author of this essay, Dreher, refers readers of his piece to (Link): this page (“The Luthern Pastor Calling For a Sexual Revolution”) at the New Yorker about Bolz Weber.

I was a devout Christian for many years, and that is one reason among a few as to why I remain a virgin past the age of 45.

That’s right, I’ve never had sex – because I was waiting until I got married to have sex, but I never found the right guy to marry.

I have spent a few years blogging here pointing out how nobody but nobody respects adult virginity or celibacy.

Many conservatives and Christians mock and insult adult celibacy and virginity, not just “sex positive” feminists or liberals.

As a matter of fact, a lot of Christians (and secular conservatives) view marriage to be the norm, and as something that can “fix” society, so they shame or insult anyone who remains single past the page of 30, whether that singleness is due to choice or circumstance. (I have examples of this sort of thing in older posts on this blog.)

Women Bored By Monogamy Says Study by W. Martin

Women Bored By Monogamy Says Study by W. Martin

(Link): The Bored Sex

Excerpts:

February 2019

Women, more than men, tend to feel stultified by long-term exclusivity—despite having been taught that they were designed for it.

…Marta Meana of the University of Nevada at Las Vegas spelled it out simply in an interview with me at the annual Society for Sex Therapy and Research conference in 2017. “Long-term relationships are tough on desire, and particularly on female desire,” she said.

I was startled by her assertion, which contradicted just about everything I’d internalized over the years about who and how women are sexually.

Somehow I, along with nearly everyone else I knew, was stuck on the idea that women are in it for the cuddles as much as the orgasms, and—besides—actually require emotional connection and familiarity to thrive sexually, whereas men chafe against the strictures of monogamy.

 But Meana discovered that “institutionalization of the relationship, over familiarity, and desexualization of roles” in a long-term heterosexual partnership mess with female passion especially—a conclusion that’s consistent with other recent studies.

Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!

Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them – Perfect Solution for Doormat Complementarian Wives!

(Update below)

Complementarians falsely believe that women do not want, desire, or enjoy sex – they assume that only men want sex (see Doug Wilson, Mark Driscoll and others).

Further, many complementarians (see John Piper as one example) believe it is wrong for women to be direct when communicating, because a woman being blunt with a man may hurt that man’s male ego.

(Complementarians brainwash Christian women into thinking that being  Codependent is “Godly.”)

So, what is a randy, passive, doormat complementarian wife to do if she’s in the mood? I guess she can try this product:

(Link): Introducing LoveSync, A Device For Telling Your Partner You Want Sex Without Speaking To Them 

Excerpts:

February 2019
By Madison Malone Kircher

Are you in a relationship where you have sex with another person? Great.

That’s nice for you, if you’re into having sex with other people. Are you a little fuzzy on how to ask said other person if they’d like to have sex with you? Here’s a refresher.

You ask them.

You use words — spoken, typed, sky-written — and ask your partner if they are feeling likewise horny. If they consent … then you have sex.

Conservatives Are Rather Inconsistent About Morals and Women’s Sexuality – Regarding: The College That Considers Valentine’s Day Cards A Form of Sexual Harassment

Conservatives Are Rather Inconsistent About Morals and Women’s Sexuality – Regarding: The College That Considers Valentine’s Day Cards A Form of Sexual Harassment

This post contains one or two “adult” words, towards the bottom.

---

I am conservative. I’ve never been a liberal.

I do sometimes spot troubling contradictions or inconsistencies with other conservatives, however. This is one of those times.

So, I’m glancing at this editorial on a right wing site about liberals at some college campus possibly banning the handing out of Valentine’s Day cards, because they could be considered a form of sexual harassment by some students.

Here’s a link:

(Link): Valentine’s Day cards face ban as ‘sex harassment’

Here are excerpts from that page – I will address the problems I have with this below:

Students at the University of New Orleans should think twice about sending out any Valentine’s Day cards if they don’t want to risk being expelled for sexual harassment, according to a free-speech advocacy group.

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown

(Link): Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong

Pro tip: Don’t take advice from people who brag about their ‘smoking hot wives.’

Excerpts:

… Through [Christian-based] abstinence talks and dating talks and relationship talks, my understanding of marriage has become strewn with oft-repeated lines like “I don’t deserve my smoking hot wife” and “sex is awesome and feels great but you need to wait. I did.”

Well-meaning as they were, speakers used these lines to preach the Gospel, but the main thing I took away was a shallow understanding of sex and marriage. I found myself believing in two lies: “marriage and sex are completely different” and “sex is about me.”

Marriage and Sex Are Completely Different

Most talks and sermons on physical intimacy and marriage are compartmentalized. It is about sex… and then marriage, or it is about marriage… and then sex.

Five Behaviors That Seem ‘Normal’ But Could Be Signs Of Emotional Abuse by Kelsey Borresen

(Link): Five Behaviors That Seem ‘Normal’ But Could Be Signs Of Emotional Abuse by Kelsey Borresen

Excerpts:

Emotional abusers “groom” victims using kindness and affection. They win you over, then they turn on you.

Unlike physical abuse, (Link): emotional abuse can be subtle and can often go undetected by victims, as well as their friends and family.

In the early stages of dating, an emotional abuser often acts in ways that (Link): appear caring, loving and attentive — at least on the surface. This is part of the perpetrator’s “grooming process” — or a time where they use charm and flattery to make you believe they’re kind and trustworthy.

“That ‘kindness’ is designed to win over the trust and confidence of an unsuspecting victim, making them vulnerable to subsequent abuse,” saidLisa Ferentz, a licensed clinical social worker and educator specializing in trauma.

(Link): Emotional abuse may include (Link): behaviors such as threatening, insulting, shaming, belittling, name-calling, (Link): gaslighting and (Link): stonewalling, which are done in an attempt to chip away at the victim’s independence and self-esteem so the abuser can gain control in the relationship.