One Reason You May Want to Visit My Twitter Account Sometimes

One Reason You May Want to Visit My Twitter Account

(Link): My Twitter Page

I don’t care how many followers I have on Twitter.

This post is not about driving up my Twitter followers.

You can book mark my Twitter page and visit it every so often (that is, you don’t have to follow me, if you bookmark the page and visit it, it will not drive up my follower numbers).

Why would you want to visit my Twitter page?

Because I sometimes come across a lot of news stories there that I do not have the time or interest in blogging about here.

I come across many stories about child abuse by parents, married people who commit crimes, new trends in dating and marriage, why people quit church, articles about sexism (I basically tweet about the same stuff I blog about here), etc, and I simply cannot keep up with it all.

It’s much easier for me to re-tweet news stories I see on twitter than to fire up this blog, and make a post about everything.

One of the annoying things about this blog is I have to not just write up the material, but I have to add categories or tags to each post, which I tire of doing. It’s ten times faster and easier to send a tweet to an article than to write it up here.

So, you may want to consider visiting my Twitter page. The right side of this blog, towards the bottom, shows my latest tweets, but it only goes up to the last 15 or 20 and does not show them all.

You don’t have to join Twitter and “follow” me on there – you can just bookmark the page and visit once in a while. There may be links to articles on there that I do not blog about here.

(Link): My Twitter Page

At some point in the future, I may not be able to Tweet or blog as much as before.

‘Slap Her’: The So-called Heartwarming Video That’s Actually Disturbing by R L Stollar

‘Slap Her’: The So-called Heartwarming Video That’s Actually Disturbing by R L Stollar

(Link): ‘Slap Her’: The So-called Heartwarming Video That’s Actually Disturbing by R L Stollar

Excerpt:

  • A viral video called “Slap Her” is going around Facebook. It features five young Italian boys who are introduced to a young girl named Martina. Luca Lavarone, the videographer, instructs the boys to do a number of things to Martina: say what they like about her, “caress her,” make funny faces at her, and then — finally — to “slap her hard.”

From there, Stollar goes on to critique the video (video is embedded at his blog), and I agree with his critique.

What is supposed to be a message encouraging males to be empathetic towards girls and women actually contains an undercurrent of misogyny and disrespect.

——————

Related posts on this blog:

(Link):  A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan at Desiring God Site

A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan at Desiring God Site

A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan 

Someone on my Twitter feed linked to this post by Matt Regan at the Desiring God site a few weeks ago. Apparently, the original title was “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl,” and was later changed to, “Do Little Girls Outgrow the Twirl?”

Original post,

(Link): Is It Sexist that Women Twirl (via Way Back Machine / Internet Archive, January 23, 2015)

The URL to that:

https://web.archive.org/web/20150123215444/http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/is-it-sexist-that-women-twirl

Newer(?) post,

(Link): Do Little Girls Outgrow the Twirl? by Matt Reagan, January 23, 2015

A woman, Eugenie Bouchard, won an international tennis match. A journalist asked her after her win to twirl for him and/or for the audience.

Several media outlets characterized this as being sexist.

Here is some of what MR, Reagan, has to say about the incident; I will quote him, then offer my observations below each quote:

Therein lies the problem. When Roger Federer was a little boy, he didn’t run into the living room, call for his parents’ attention, and twirl his outfit in front of them (he wasn’t wearing something twirlable to begin with).

But Serena did. Eugenie did. They were little girls, who were made to display the beauty they were given and to have that beauty honored. My daughters are perpetual twirlers, even to the extent that they are searching out the most twirlable skirts and dresses.
—- end excerpts—-

My response:

First of all, if a woman or girl of her own accord chooses to “twirl” around in a dress for her daddy in the privacy of their home, that is HER choice.

For a grown man, a so-called professional, to ask a grown woman to “twirl” around in her tennis outfit before a stadium of people after she wins a match, is not treating that woman as another professional. It is not the man’s place to ask a woman in public to “twirl.”

Continue reading “A Critique of the post “Is It Sexist That Women Twirl?” by Matt Reagan at Desiring God Site”

Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

(Link): Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

Excerpts.

  • Jan 21, 2015
  • When I saw the latest statistics suggesting that the majority of British men don’t believe in God, I wasn’t surprised. Saddened, yes. Shocked, no.This is an issue the Church of England has been struggling with for years.
  • From a purely anecdotal perspective, wander into any Anglican church these days and you’ll likely as not be struck by the gender gap, with females accounting for the majority of the congregation. Dig a little deeper and you’ll probably also find that a core of thoroughly capable women are quietly but determinedly running the joint and keeping the whole place afloat.This is backed up by various reports over the last 10 years, which indicate that women outnumber men at UK churches by up to 15 per cent.It’s a headscratcher, and, like with all sets of data, you can read into it what you will. Around the time the people in this specific study were coming of age (they’re all now in their early 40), there was a bit of an influx of what are jokingly referred to as “Jesus is my boyfriend” worship songs – the type that go something like:
  • “Ooh, I love Jesus so much, I give my heart to him, he is sooooo dreamy.” Admittedly, having to sing this type of nonsense in church might have felt pretty emasculating for a young man, maybe even enough to put him off our Lord for good….What worries me far more about statistics like this being released is the potential response from Christians and the Church.
  • They’re always grist to the mill for dyed-in-the-wool traditionalists who like to wave them around shrieking: “See! We told you this would happen if you let women have opinions, and stand at the front of church, and be vicars. We told you the men wouldn’t like it. You’ve feminised the Church! Of course the men are leaving!”
  • This sexist hysterical crew seem to think that, in slowly but surely embracing equality, the entire Church is being transformed into one long episode of Loose Women. That by letting women lead, it naturally follows we’re creating an environment that is “toxic” to men. What a load of tosh.However, there has been a far darker reaction when we’ve seen reports like this before: a move to create a toughened-up, more masculine Church.

Continue reading “Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey”

A Teen Tried To Kill Three Women “In Revenge” Because He Was A Virgin – felt that women “were the weaker” breed

A Teen Tried To Kill Three Women “In Revenge” Because He Was A Virgin

Talk about male entitlement run amok. First of all, there is nothing bad, wrong, or unusual with being a virgin at age 17 or 18, for males or females.

Secondly, women do not owe men dates, sex, companionship or anything. I’m not sure what this young man’s religious beliefs were, but I can tell you I have seen some of the same entitlement mentality towards women from Christian adult men, not just Non Christians.

At the end of it all, these murders (or attempted murders) were this guy’s responsibility. However, maybe if our culture did not shame and mock virginity so much some of these men would not feel compelled to murder people, or stigmatization of virginity would not add to whatever pathologies they suffer.

One of the comments he made in a diary reads,

  • “I attack women because I grew up to believe them as a more weaker part of the human breed.”

And that is the same mindset of Christian gender complementarians: that women are “the weaker” half of humans. It’s why some of them use the rationale that women should not lead or preach in churches or have equality in marriages.

I bet John Morgan will see this story on my blog and mention it on his blog, which I find a problem because,

(Link):  Teenager Ben Moynihan found guilty of attempted murder of three women out of revenge because he ‘could not lose his virginity’

  • A teenager has been found guilty of the attempted murder of three women who he attacked out of revenge because he could not lose his virginity.
  • Ben Moynihan, 18, stabbed three women aged 20, 45 and 67 in random attacks as they walked alone in the north area of Portsmouth, Hampshire, in June and July last year.

Continue reading “A Teen Tried To Kill Three Women “In Revenge” Because He Was A Virgin – felt that women “were the weaker” breed”

Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1

Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage  – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1

Stay tuned for a Part 2 to this post [August 2016: I did intend on doing a Part 2, but now, I’m not sure if I’ll get around to it or not. I might. I don’t know]. This is Part 1, and it’s pretty long.

I have been meaning to do a post about this topic for a long time.

First, here are a couple of pages about a newly released dating advice book, aimed at single women and written by a couple of men who are in their early 30s.

These authors think male entitlement is a given, and women should go along with it if they want a husband:

(Link):  ‘You should prepare his meals and massage his feet’: New dating guide written by men offers women brutally honest advice on how to snag a husband 

  • “Single Man, Married Man” was penned by seven New York-based men who are single, engaged, married and divorced
  • It argues ‘all men’ who say they don’t want to get married are ‘lying’
  • According to one author, men lie to ‘get their women to listen’ and insists telling the truth is ‘risky’
  • Another suggests men are more likely to feel guilty about changing their barber than cheating on their partner
  •  
  • A new book written by a panel of men seeks to advise women on the ‘do’s and don’ts’ of dating from a brutally honest male perspective.
  • Single Man, Married Man was compiled by childhood friends Jean Alerte, a 33-year-old married businessman who owns a Brooklyn yogurt shop, and Frank Gateau, a 32-year-old ‘serial dater’ who works in PR.
  • …Mr Alerte and Mr Gateau [who wrote the book] – who claim that when men say they don’t want to get married, they’re ‘lying’ – spent three years surveying more than 300 male subjects online and in person to arrive at their conclusions.

    One contributor described as single mentions the song ‘Cater 2 U’ by Destiny’s Child as being an anthem that ‘should be on every woman’s playlist and kept on repeat.’

    He advises: ‘Prepare his meals, draw him a bath and massage his feet every now and then.’

No, let me tell you how it really is.

If a man wants to be with me, he will massage MY feet every now and then, prepare meals FOR ME, and draw ME a bath.

I am not going to “cater” to his behind. I’ve been down that road before, and it is unrewarding and so not worth it (more on that below).

Continue reading “Male Entitlement In Dating and In Marriage – Single Christian Men Who Feel Entitled – Part 1”

Update on Born Again Virgin Reality Star TV Guy – and Christians and Their Smokin’ Hot Wives

Update on Born Again Virgin Reality Star TV Guy – and Christians and Their Smokin’ Hot Wives

I’m pretty sure this is the same guy I blogged about here:

For what it’s worth, I am opposed to anyone using phrases such as “Born Again Virgin,” “Spiritual Virgin,” etc. You can click that link above to see why.

If we’re going by penis in the vagina standards to define sex, either one is a virgin or is not a virgin; there is no such thing as a “born again virgin” or “spiritual virgin.”

This comes from SCCL’s Facebook page:

(Link): Sean Loweksu Status – where he refers to his wife as being “smokin’ hot”

Comment by Ariella Tuttle on that thread,

  • He was all about that purity stuff on the show…while he was tonguing like 15 different girls. I think 2 at the same time?

That thread attracted the attention of a few male sexist assh-les who think it’s okay for men to refer to their partners as “smokin’ hot.”

In his facebook status (which is pictured in the SCCL thread), Loweksu refers to his wife as “smoking hot.” Christian men often like to refer to their wives as being “smoking hot,” which is sexist.

Men need to get over valuing women purely, primarily, or only based on their looks.

I was engaged to a man who, for years, would go on and on about how “beautiful” I was, even after I told him that while I appreciated the sentiment, but it had none the less worn thin, and I’d prefer him to praise me on my career, and so on. I actually felt de-valued that he kept harping on my looks.

He never took an interest in my intellect, my opinions about politics or whatever else,/ With my ex, my greatest virtue or asset in his view always came down to how sexy I looked in skirts.

Some of the people in the SCCL Facebook thread are making a distinction between a man who does refers to his wife or sweetie as “smokin hot” in private vs one who does so on social media, in public.

My ex mostly complimented me on my Smokin’ Hot looks in private, but it still grated on my last nerve, I still found it insulting, and it was sexist and rude.

It is NOT “nice” or complimentary to a woman to pay attention to her looks or clothing, but so many men think it is. It’s not. Knock it off.

Women want to be noticed for their brains, hobbies, talents, and career, NOT their weight, hair, manner of dress, sexy legs, bust size, whatever.

Some of the only women who do enjoy this sort of compliment are generally insecure ones – the ones who were once ugly ducklings and the acne cleared up one day, they dropped the weight, and suddenly, they find themselves getting male attention.

I was actually in that group myself – used to have frizzy hair, weight problems – but turned into the beautiful swan; however, I detest it when the only thing men focus on is a woman’s looks, or only my looks in particular. It’s probably one of my top ten pet peeves in life.

If you are a man who is a FATHER, and your dear daughter is dating some guy or marries some guy, would it not bother you in the least if the only quality her husband or BF ever praised her over was her looks?

Wouldn’t you want that ass-clown noticing she’s funny, smart, and accomplished, and for him to tell her so?

How about if your parents divorce, your mother remarries, would it not turn your stomach for your stepfather to ONLY notice and care about your mother’s looks, and never notice or care about her brains, talents, etc?

That’s how women feel when men go on and on judging us for our looks, rating us on scales of one to ten, but don’t bother to take an interest in us as human beings.

Edit. although one idiot posting to the SCCL thread claims to be a father actually wrote,

  • post by Buzz Suplita
  • I have three daughters, no sons. I hope each of their future husbands “disrespects” them and all women in just this way.

And what if your DAUGHTERS do not want to be reduced to their looks and body parts, you’d still be fine with men objectifying them? Buzz is one creepy father.

Being objectified for one’s looks is something that happens to the female gender far more often and consistently than it does the male gender. 

Some of the men chiming in on that thread are either trolling or are being deliberately obtuse. Despite the fact they’ve had it explained to them six ways from Sunday why men publicly referring to their wife as “smokin’ hot” is sexist, they keep saying, “I don’t get it,” “how is this wrong,” or “how is this sexist.”

Here is one comment to some of them, by Annie Dotes, that I agree with:

  • Mike- you’re floating freely between talking about the specific dude [“The Bachelor” reality TV star guy] and talking about the cultural phenomenon. Every time someone addresses one of those you counter with the other. I have repeatedly taken great pains to distinguish between the two. (See my comment 3 above yours).
  • What you are doing is called moving the goalposts, it is a logical fallacy. If you’re being disingenuous on purpose, then knock it off. If you’re actually not keeping up then slow down and read through it again.

    This pic and caption [the photo posted by The Bachelor guy referring to his wife as being “Smokin Hot”], regardless of Mr Bachelor’s intentions, reflects a cultural misogyny where women are primarily valued for the sexual feelings they give men, and their status as conquests. He is participating in that cultural misogyny regardless of his intentions.

Anyway, here are links on other blogs about the annoying, sexist habit of men to objectify all women, or their wives in particular, by referring to them as Smokin Hot.

(Link):  I’m Sick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife

(Link):  Smokin’ Hot Wives and Water to the Soul

(Link):  Pastor, Your Wife Might Be “Smokin’ Hot,” But …

—————

Related posts on this blog:

(Link):  The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Many Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

Victim Blaming, Rape Apologia Piece by H. Ferguson on Christian Post site: “Rethinking Date Rape”

Victim Blaming, Rape Apologia Piece by H. Ferguson on Christian Post: “Rethinking Date Rape”

I am surprised I have not seen more Christians tweet or write in criticism of this page:

(Link): Rethinking Date Rape by Hope Ferguson – on The Christian Post

Here are some excerpts:

  • … Sulkowicz did not deny previously having taken part in consensual relations with the same young man. So was this a case of rape or of miscommunication?
  • According to the latest statistics, one in five women on American campuses has been subject to acquaintance rape. Although the circumstances vary, one common element is that alcohol has usually been consumed by both parties.
  • A young adult woman, lugging a mattress – the supposed scene of a crime – around with her to class, seemed to me to crystalize all that is wrong with the current focus on the “rape culture,” on college campuses and how it subsequently infantilizes adult women. I could only think of a child lugging around her security “blankie.”
  • ….If a woman decides that a consensual encounter is now not to her liking, and she tells the man to stop, but in a frenzy of testosterone and pleasure, he refuses, is that rape? Does her later no cancel out her earlier yes?If a young woman, such as one profiled in the New York Times recently, gets stinking drunk at a frat party with equally drunk young men, and finds herself “taken advantage of,” is that rape?
  • …While the young men, every bit as immature and drunk as the young women, are excoriated and raked across society’s collective coals, the young women are absolved from all liability and responsibility for their behavior.
  • We are not talking about mature adults preying on kids.
  • We are talking about peers and how they think about, negotiate, and act on their sexual desires.The Columbia student who was so outraged about being “raped” by her date, had already had consensual sex with the same young man previously. Rather than dismissing the incident as sexual communication gone wrong, instead, the young man, a student at Columbia as well, is labeled as a rapist on national TV, with no opportunity to defend himself without exposing his identity.
  • …Roiphe points out how smart young women who populate campuses are seemingly embracing the discarded stereotype of a woman who does not own her own actions, who is innocent, easily persuaded and manipulated; an image that women of her mother’s generation sought to dispel.
  • Are women really helpless victims?In the latest controversy over Jackie’s story in Rolling Stone, the writer, Sabrina Rubin Erdely, admittedly began her quest with an agenda to expose acquaintance rape on a prestigious college campus; to show how the charge is not taken seriously by college administrators (who frequently do not report the cases to police, either for fear of sullying their institution’s reputations, or in recognition of the murkiness of many of the charges) and to show how young women are therefore victimized all over again.
  • Now I am not defending rape, acquaintance rape, date rape nor any other kind. I am saying, as Roiphe did in her piece, that cases of heterosexual miscommunication may end up as “rape,” if the woman later regrets what she did; doesn’t remember what she did; can’t recall consenting; or did something under the influence of alcohol that she wouldn’t normally do, with the attendant shame.However, perhaps the young men also did something under the influence of alcohol that they would not normally do.
  • Why are they held to a higher standard of accountability than the young women? Why isn’t there more education on college campuses about the dangers of binge drinking? Nearly 2,000 young people a year die on American campuses of alcohol-related circumstances.
  • …Why aren’t young women taught to protect themselves and to avoid being caught in avoidable situations that could end badly, like being drunk to the point of passing out in a frat house full of horny young men suffering from TMT (too much testosterone).

I personally do not find it victim-blaming to tell women of preventative measures they can take to lessen their chances of being raped; I wrote about it earlier, here:

(Link):  Suggesting Preventive Measures Is Not Necessarily Victim Blaming

So far on that score, I’m in partial agreement with Ferguson, but I am astounded at how much victim blaming is in this article.

Where Ferguson writes,

  • However, perhaps the young men also did something under the influence of alcohol that they would not normally do. Why are they held to a higher standard of accountability than the young women?

Because a woman getting drunk is not the same thing as a man attacking a woman.

It doesn’t matter if the man in question is inebriated or not when he attacks a woman. Rape remains rape, and a crime that one human does against another.

A woman who is getting drunk in a frat house is only doing harm to herself (she may get liver problems if she continues drinking).

And that is one reason of several why society should hold young men “more accountable” in a situation where he rapes a woman, whether he is drunk or sober at the time. This isn’t rocket science, and I’m shocked that Ferguson doesn’t understand any of this.

Men who kill people while drunk driving face legal penalties, why should they not also do so in cases of sexual assault, if they rape a woman while they are drunk?

Ferguson writes,

  • A young adult woman, lugging a mattress – the supposed scene of a crime – around with her to class, seemed to me to crystalize all that is wrong with the current focus on the “rape culture,” on college campuses and how it subsequently infantilizes adult women. I could only think of a child lugging around her security “blankie.”

For those of you not familiar with the story of the rape victim who carried her mattress around campus, here are a few articles about it (all off site links):

I find it very troubling that this author, Ferguson, shows no understanding or concern for the young woman carrying the mattress, but chooses to view this as the woman “infantilizing” herself.

The young woman’s mattress was symbolic of her attack, and of seeking justice.

To compare the mattress of this story to a child’s “security blankie” belies deep ignorance on the part of the author (and I’m betting this is willful ignorance) and a lack of compassion for sexual assault victims.

Ferguson writes,

  • Although the circumstances vary, one common element is that alcohol has usually been consumed by both parties.

While I have no problem educating and cautioning women from drinking too much around men, especially at frat houses and at bars, it is immoral to blame women for being raped because they were drunk at the time of the assault.

Would Ferguson say that children who follow a child molester into his van for a promise of candy are to blame for being raped by the molester in the van?

Would she, Ferguson, shame those child victims and say, “It was their own fault they were assaulted, because they should have known better than to believe a stranger’s promise about candy?”

Probably not, so why blame a grown woman for being raped?

Ferguson writes,

  • Sulkowicz did not deny previously having taken part in consensual relations with the same young man. So was this a case of rape or of miscommunication?

Any time a woman says no or protests, or does not give her consent to have sex (the woman may be drugged or knocked out and incapable of accepting or declining), the situation is rape.

It does not matter if the man who rapes the woman is a man she has had consensual sex with 100 times in the past, only one time, or ten times, or zero times.

Marital rape was legal in the United States even up into the last half of the 20th century or earlier, because cultural and legal views were such that people believed that a husband had a right to have sex any time with his wife, even if the wife said “no” and did not want to have sex.

It looks as though Ferguson subscribes to this view that women have no agency, that they are forever the property of other men, and that their decisions about their own bodies or lives do not matter.

I also find it very odd and sexist that Ferguson acts as though because a woman may have had consensual sex with a man at one point in time that the man is forever entitled to that woman and her body any time he pleases in the future.

To argue in that manner would be to argue also that because I let the plumber into my house once five years ago to un-clog my kitchen pipes, with my consent, now means that same  plumber can just waltz into my house any time he wants to now and touch my pipes.

Just because I consented to let the auto mechanic down the street change the oil in my car six months ago at the local garage does not give that guy the right to get into my car today, change the oil, or drive the car around.

A one time “yes” of two days ago or ten years ago, does not equate to a lifetime “yes.”

Perhaps the most hypocritical part of the essay was this:

  • …Roiphe points out how smart young women who populate campuses are seemingly embracing the discarded stereotype of a woman who does not own her own actions, who is innocent, easily persuaded and manipulated; an image that women of her mother’s generation sought to dispel.

If anything or anyone is guilty of infantilizing women, it’s conservative Christian teachings about gender roles, dating, and marriage.

Under the rubric of “biblical womanhood,” “traditional gender role” or “gender complementarian” teachings, Christians tell Christian women to behave and think like little girls – though advocates of these positions may deny it, this is what their teachings boil down to in practice.

Christian women, in particular from evangelical, Reformed, fundamentalist, and Baptist backgrounds, get the repeated message from parents, churches, Christian material (such as books, blogs, etc) that a woman’s only  acceptable or suitable role in life is to be a wife and mother.

As a wife, they are told, their husband has authority over them, and they are to “graciously submit” to that husband. Christian women in abusive marriages are counseled by preachers to stay with abusive husband and to continually submit to him.

For examples of that, see these off site links:

(Link): Preacher John Piper: Wives should “endure” abuse “for a season”

(Link): Paige Patterson has never retracted his words on wife beating

Those are common views among conservative Christians concerning women in abusive marriages. I said COMMON, those are not rare, those are not exceptions.

Christian women are taught from the time they are young that they are always to put the needs and feelings of other people before their own.

Christian women are taught and pressured from the time they are girls and as adults that they are always to say “yes” to other people’s requests, no matter what.

Christian women are taught by most other Christians and conservative Christian culture that conflict is bad or wrong and to be avoided.

Therefore, many Christian women raised in such families or environments never get any practice at developing assertive life skills, disagreeing with others, standing up to people, defending themselves.

Conservative Christians raise females with the expectation that a good, biblical female is one who is constantly quiet, sweet, un-assertive, doesn’t make choices for herself, doesn’t challenge or disagree with people, especially never men.

Christian women are, in other words, fed a steady diet of Codependency, and they taught that being Codependent is God’s will for every woman’s life.

Women who are raised like this are incapable of making decisions for themselves. They tend to cave in quickly when they are too afraid to stand up to a person who is demanding something of them. The word “no” gets caught in their throat.

This puts Christian women in a dangerous position, from the time she is a kid, teen, and into her adult years, unless and until she visits therapists and reads books by doctors who explain it’s not mean, uh-Christ-like, bitchy, or selfish for a woman to say “no” and to have boundaries.

Here’s an example that happens to a lot of women a lot as they grow up and even into their adulthoods (this happened to me a lot):

If a strange man approaches a woman on the street asking for help, the woman’s instinct or gut tells her this man is possibly a mugger or a rapist, but she don’t want to hurt his feelings, offend the man, or appear as a bitch.

After all, their mothers, Christian pastors, and books about men and dating, raised them that Christian girls are ALWAYS sweet, helpful, and nice, and should not put even their own safety ahead of a stranger in need – so instead of running away or making an otherwise quick exit, which they should do, they let the strange man approach them and talk to them.

And all the while, they have butterflies in their stomach, worried if this man is going to harm them or not.

By the way, a lot of rapists prey on women using this as a tactic and use this to exploit women.

Ted Bundy, the serial killer, used to put a cast on his arm, and approach young women asking them for help, to carry things to his car. He knew they did not want to appear bitchy or mean, so they would help him out. Once they were by his car, he wound knock them out, toss their bodies in his car, drive away, and kill them.

Rapists, muggers, etc, count on women caring more about others than their own safety, they rely on women caring more about appearing nice, sweet, and “Christian” then they do about their own safety, and they exploit these traits to get female victims.

And Christians keep right on teaching women to be easy targets for rapists, con artists, abusive boyfriends, and muggers.

Yes indeed, it’s conservative Christian teaching itself which causes some Christian women to be raped, mugged, or killed.

It’s not always the fault of secular feminism, university campus parties, or alcohol drinking that is to blame for rape, but the cultural and Christian pressure on women from the time they are young, to always be compliant, lack boundaries, and afraid to say No to anyone.

The ideal biblical, Christian woman to most Christians is a passive, wimpy, sweet, subservient, woman who will never stand up for herself, never utter a negative comment.

And it’s precisely those kinds of women abusive men and rapists love to choose as their victims.

Christian gender role teachings set women up to be enticing, easy targets for con artists, rapists, abusive husbands, but then Christians – such as Ferguson – who write those awful articles, blame the women for being raped.

Christians who pressure girls and women to abide by gender complementarian teachings (which is nothing but codependency) set women up to be rape victims, conditions them to act and think like victims, but then they turn around and blame them if they are raped.

It’s demonic, evil, and very deplorable to set women up to be assaulted, and then blame them if or when they are assaulted. The Christian Post really should delete that article.

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Related posts:

(Link):  How Feminists Are Making Women Easier Rape Targets

(Link):  Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

(Link): Population Decline and Bay-bee Obsession – Patriarchy, Quiverfull, Traditional Family, Christian Gender Complementarian Nuts

The Masculinity Myth: The Real Reason Men Don’t Go to Church by the Evangelical Pulpit and by Douglas Bursch

The Masculinity Myth: The Real Reason Men Don’t Go to Church by the Evangelical Pulpit

(Link): The Masculinity Myth: The Real Reason Men Don’t Go to Church by the Evangelical Pulpit

Excerpts

  • by Douglas Bursch
  • Today during worship, we were singing a song about God being our loving Father. As we sang, I realized it was the kind of song manly-men Christian pastors hate. It’s the sort of song they rail against while crusading for the resurgence of “real men” Christian masculinity.
  • As we sang tender words about a tender, loving, heavenly Father, I immediately realized why some men are so angry at spiritually wimpy men and bold Christian women. The thought just popped into my head: It’s Cain and Abel all over again.
    Although it’s probably one of the most profitable growth areas in Christian publishing, I’m not a big fan of the “what’s wrong with the church” book genre. In the past four plus years as a Christian talk radio host, I’ve received a large steady flow of books attempting to address the “what’s wrong with the church” writing prompt.
  • Invariably, these books blame the lack of church growth on fatal flaws within church leadership, structure and theology.
  • They assume that healthy churches grow and unhealthy churches decline. Consequently, if the church is to be healthy again, it needs to find a way to reach the people who no longer call the church their home.
  • “Why don’t men go to church” is a subset of the blame the church publishing niche. These books seem particularly popular as they make great reads for frustrated wives tired of attending church without their husbands. They’re also great reads for bitter men determined to justify and fortify their reasons for abandoning the body of Christ. Let’s face it, as the church declines in size and membership, the demand for church criticizing material will continue to increase.
    The church isn’t masculine enough?
    Almost every book, post or tweet concerning the plight of Christian men eventually blames the church for not being masculine enough. The theory is men don’t go to church because church is geared to the needs of women.
  • There’s too much sharing of emotions, too much hugging, too much singing, with too many effeminate leaders giving the ladies what they want: a church with no testosterone. This theory suggests that men don’t go to church because churches don’t meet the masculine needs of men. Many widely respected preachers seem to adhere to this concept that the church has been weakened by an overabundance of femininity.
  • …. Calling the church too feminine is sexist
    Most arguments that blame the church for the absence of men are rooted in sexist assumptions. If you believe men don’t go to church because the church doesn’t meet their needs, then you are implying that women go because more of their needs are being met. What if more women go to church because their faith has a greater integrity?
  • What if more women go to church because they have chosen to persevere and demonstrate a moral fortitude that contrasts the weaknesses of men?
  • What if women are more willing to work in community, more willing to repent, apologize and forgive?
  • Maybe men are so emotional they are unwilling to learn how to abide in complex community. Maybe instead of following the moral lead of women, men have isolated themselves from the church to keep from having to mature and grow up.
  • There is another twisted, sexist logic to blaming the church for the refusal of men to participate. Instead of correcting those in rebellion, we attack those who are sincerely trying to be faithful.
  • We tell the regular church attender that they are the problem, not the ones who abandoned the body of Christ. We tell the male leader who has remained, even in the face of tremendous cultural rejection, that He is the problem for the church’s inability to reach more men.
  • Blaming the actions of the most dishonorable on those who are most faithful is an affront to the integrity of those who are actively supporting the church. To blame faithful women for the unfaithfulness of men is once again blaming the victim for being abandoned.

Read more here: 

(Link): The Masculinity Myth: The Real Reason Men Don’t Go to Church

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RELATED POSTS

(Link):  Male Entitlement and Adult Virginity: Who has it worse, Male Vs. Female? (critique of post at other blog)

(Link): There Are No “Biblical Men” by B. Robertson

(Link):  Church must avoid becoming Fight Club to attract men by H. Coffey

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

(Link):  Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians including MEN Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage

Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage


Edit: here is a Part 2 to this post,

(Link): Regnerus’ Misplaced Blame – Blame the Wimmins! Common male refrain, even from Christian men


This post of mine may contain some very frank language of a sexual nature, and possibly some cuss words here or there. I’m trying not to get all X-rated with it, but it’s not going to be a squeaky clean type post.

My blog is not Disney Land, all sweetness and light. You’re reading commentary by someone who was a Christian for YEARS who is now very disillusioned with the faith and all the nonsense being taught to Christians by guys like Regnerus and others.

I apologize to any Christians reading this who do not approve of strong language, but this guy’s editorial ticked me off, so a few choice words pop up here and there.

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This post by Mark Regnerus (linked to and critiqued farther below) has to be one of the most insulting, stupid, ill-informed works by a Christian I’ve ever read, and it’s chock-full of the usual Christian stereotypes I regularly critique here on my blog (concerning sex, dating, marriage, gender roles, etc).

I have agreed, at least partially, with this Regnerus guy in the past, with other articles he’s written, but I can’t fully stand behind this one.

This guy shows no respect for singleness, virginity, or celibacy in his essay – NONE. He tosses off a few passing comments claiming he respects singleness, but no, no, he does not. The rest of the essay belies that supposed respect for singleness.

What I will do is give you the links to each piece, followed by excerpts from each one, followed by my commentary below all that.

PART ONE. THE LINKS.

(Link): Porn and the Singles Panic by Gina Dalfonzo

That page is in turn referencing this one:

(Link): The Pornographic Double Bind by Mark Regnerus

PART TWO. EXCERPTS.

Here are excerpts from

The Pornographic Double-Bind by Mark Regnerus:

  • recently observed an online dispute over the matter of men, marrying, and pornography. A crestfallen young woman discovered her boyfriend “struggled” with pornography.
  • I’m never quite sure what “struggling” actually means, since it can be code for anything from shame at taking pleasure in women’s naked beauty all the way up to addiction to hardcore pornography. (There’s a difference.)
  • This young woman elected to remain in her relationship, but she counseled other women to consider the path of least resistance—leaving. Departing, she suggested, is the best option.
  • It wasn’t the first time I’ve encountered this. Not long before that, I sat around a campfire with a couple dozen enthusiastic young adults, listening to the women recount their list of relationship deal-breakers—porn was of course one of them—while the men sat by sheepishly.
  • While I’m sympathetic to their concern, I can also promise you that widespread departures—given the dour numbers on porn use—will only accelerate the flight from marriage in the Church and is likely to backfire on women (as many things tend to do in the domain of relationships) who would leave for pastures that may well not be greener.
  • I would never dream of telling anyone—devoid as I am of information about particular situations—what they ought to do about their boyfriend’s roving eye.
  • However, I have no trouble or qualms in declaring that collectively a categorical call to leave spells doom.
  • Young adults are waiting longer and longer to marry, and fewer are doing so.
  • To counsel further flight is like asserting that our Christian ancestors should have headed to the hills, as wealthy Romans did, to avoid the plague.
  • You can’t flee far enough, and the Church grew by gutting it out, staying put, and caring for the sick.
  • On the matter of men and pornography, the data suggest you cannot flee far enough. Lots of “prudent” decisions to leave will still lead us to the same place—a widespread marriage avoidance. There’s nothing wrong with being unmarried, but we fool ourselves if we think this is the obvious solution.
  • Male sexual behavior, always a bit difficult to pin down in one place, is moving steadily now in a direction either free of partners or else devoid of long-term commitment to just one woman, aided at every turn by technology. Outside the Church, the revolution runs uncontested, as account after account continues to reveal. Inside the Church, we still seem to have trouble admitting that men are attracted to naked women.
  • …But the gritty reality remains—the Church will have to learn how to navigate this, and press forward with grace and truth. Men and women have to forge relationships—marriage—with each other recognizing human weakness and fostering each other’s sanctification.
  • While pornography is certainly a problem, we cannot collectively bail on marriage. It’s too important to the future of the Church. Without a marrying culture in the West, chastity will falter on a scale we have not yet seen.

Excerpts from:

(Link): Porn and the Singles Panic [a response to Mark Regnerus’ post] by Gina Dalfonzo:

  • …As an unmarried woman, I fall into the target audience for such an argument [the one put forward by Mark Regnerus].
  • ….But having said all that, I find his advice highly problematic. He puts undue blame on women for the state of marriage and could easily be read as suggesting they stop turning away men who view porn.
  • …. Yet, he seems to recommend Christian women consider choosing as their life partners men who participate in a practice that exploits women, desensitizes users, and too often destroys sexual intimacy in marriage. If we take seriously Christ’s warning that to lust after a woman is to commit adultery in the heart (Matt. 5:28), that’s asking women to tolerate adultery.
  • …But unfortunately, there are plenty of the latter around, even among Christians. Having listed porn use as a “deal-breaker” in my own eHarmony profile, I’ve been scolded for my prudishness by a couple of those Christian men. Needless to say, I felt absolutely no desire to get to know them well enough for marriage.

    At this point I have to ask: What happened to all those voices I heard in the church when I was growing up, the leaders telling us women to keep our standards high, and to choose only a truly godly man to be the spiritual leader in our home and the loving father of our children? Here’s what happened: They saw singleness increasing within the church and started to panic.

    (Link): I’ve written before that today’s church puts marriage on such a high pedestal that singles are often made to feel second-rate. I can now add to this that we’ve put it on such a high pedestal that we’re hinting at Christians to compromise their standards just to achieve it. In other words, we’ve turned it into an idol. And that makes singles feel more isolated than ever.

  • No one cares. That’s exactly how it feels when, having been taught to seek God’s highest and best for your life, and take a stand for sexual purity no matter the cost, you see some Christian leaders start start to back away from that teaching. After all, nothing could be worse than a church full of single people—that particular cost is too high—so just lower your standards and get married already!

PART THREE. MY THOUGHTS.

Essentially, in this post by MR (Mark Regnerus), MR thinks Christian women should bend the rules, be flexible, and lower their standards, because Christian men cannot or will not control their sexual behavior.

He and those like him try to frame this lame-o, unbiblical view by couching it in terms of “nobody is perfect, after all,” and “we all sin and should extend grace to others”  rhetoric.

Sorry, but the Bible does not teach – and certainly not in the name of “grace” – that Christian women are supposed to lower their standards, or expectations of, morality in themselves, in each other, or in relationships, or in dating, just because a chunk of Christian men are failing miserably at sexual ethics these days.

Continue reading “Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage”

Male Sex Abuse Victims, an Interview with Chris Anderson: “Men Are Not Hardwired to Want Sex All The Time”

Male Sex Abuse Victims, an Interview with Chris Anderson: “Men Are Not Hardwired to Want Sex All The Time”

Anderson confirms something I’ve discussed on this blog many times before: incorrect secular and Christian stereotypes and assumptions that all men want sex all the time, are visually oriented – with the flip side to this being that women (at least married ones) are thought to be totally disinterested in sex, only want “emotional closeness” and are not visually stimulated.

(Link):  Heroes in our midst: Chris Anderson & MaleSurvivor (Part II) *Re: Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse 

Interview by “Boz” Tchividjian with C. Anderson, executive director of MaleSurvivor:

Excerpts:

  • Boz:  What are some of the unique struggles faced by male sexual abuse survivors? What about those who are a part of a faith community?
  • [Anderson’s answer]
  • ….Also, there are a lot of mistaken presumptions about male victims out there. To take one example, many people presume men are hardwired to want sex all the time, and that – by extension – it is impossible for a male to perform sexually if they are unwilling or fearful. Both of these statements are untrue, as is the fear that a boy who is sexually abused is far more likely to become an abuser himself.

Also of interest from the interview- quoting Anderson:

  • Within faith communities, I think that one of the biggest challenges is very few leaders are well trained in sexual violence issues.
  • Faith communities are actually at significant risk for being targeted by serial perpetrators of child abuse because they are viewed as places where forgiveness and acceptance of past wrongs can be easily gotten.
  • There are simple steps communities can take (that are highly unlikely to conflict with spiritual values) that will actually signal to potential perpetrators that this is a community that takes protecting children seriously. But this is information that has not yet been made a priority.
  • A second issue that I feel really needs to be addressed is the lack of training faith leaders receive in how to compassionately and effectively support any survivor – male or female – of sexual abuse (or any other major trauma).
  • Whatever your faith tradition may be, there is nothing that justifies a victim be forced to reconcile with a perpetrator who has not shown authentic remorse. Nor is there anything that justifies asking a victim what he or she may have done to encourage or entice the person who abused them.
  • ——————————-

Related posts:

(Link): Male Modesty and Male Shaming 

(Link): Are men LESS into sex than they realize? New study finds they exaggerate how often they think about it (and how much sex they actually have)

Link): Can Boys Be ‘Coerced’ Into Sex? (article from Daily Beast)

(Link): 9 Reasons ‘Hookup Culture’ Hurts Boys Too (article)

(Link):  Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link):  When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men by A. Goldstein

(Link):  An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link): Do men really have higher sex drives than women? (article/study)

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

Christian Colleges Would Rather Women Students Die in Fires Than Leave Dorms in Immodest Clothing

(There is an update to this post farther below, under the “November 2014 update” heading)

Some Christian colleges, of the Baptist variety, it seems, would rather women students die in a fire than to leave their dorm rooms dressed immodestly.

I suppose it is better for a woman to die in a fire than for a man to catch a glimpse of the corner of a woman’s nightgown, God forbid.

(Link):  MODEST IS HOTTEST (LITERALLY) – from Stuff Fundies Like blog

(Link):  This School Has the Worst Fire Safety Policy You’ve Ever Seen – from The Friendly Atheist blog

Excerpts:

The other day, I (Link): posted a story about a former Pensacola Christian College student who had awful recollections of the school’s fire drill policy:

Of course PCC isn’t known for really caring much about fire safety anyway. For years the rule has remained on the books that all female students must be in “proper” attire before they leave their rooms for a fire drill. If you happen to be sleeping in pajama pants, you must take the time to put on a skirt before you try to escape the flames. If you should perish then at least you’ll know you died for the cause of not tempting the fire fighters to lust after you.

//// end article excerpt ///

The atheist blogger says he contacted the Christian college and asked them to please clarify their stance. There ensued an exchange of 4 or 5 e-mails where yes, the college insists that Christian women put on pants, robes, or what have you before leaving in a fire drill.

Further excerpts, by the blogger:

After my last post, some commenters referred to a (Link): 2002 fire at a girls’ school in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Because they were not wearing proper religious garb, the girls were instructed to head back into a burning building. 15 girls died in the fire; who knows how many lives could have been saved if safety, not modesty, was the first priority.

–[end article excerpt]—

Yes, as I’ve noted before, there are times when fundamentalist, evangelical, and other types of Christianity, sound remarkably close to Islam or Mormonism.

I cannot believe that Christians teach this sort of garbage, which can be unsafe for women.

Christians who promote such views also fail to recognize the irony, in that while their goal appears to keep men from “stumbling” by seeing a woman dressed in a night gown, they are, at the same time, sexually objectifying women.

In other words, Christians who push absurdist forms of modesty teachings and practices are contributing to the very problem they are trying to halt, and causing other problems on top of that.

November 2014 update….

About a week ago, someone tweeted me in response, after I tweeted a link to this blog post, that she doesn’t feel that my blog’s heading accurately depicts the situation.

She seems to feel that this behavior – requiring college women to bundle up before leaving a dorm room during a fire drill – is not truly representative of  American Christianity in general.

She noted that these colleges mentioned in the stories above are very, very conservative institutions, so they should not be taken of being representative of all Christians.

The lady who informed me of this is someone who is, if I understand correctly, a founder of a well known, Christian gender egalitarian blog, one which I enjoy.

I see what she’s saying, but – this is still a problem within Christianity, regardless.

There are different degrees of sexism within Christianity, by the branches or denominations who cling to, or who defend, “gender complementarianism,” “purity” and “modesty” teachings as being biblical.

There are times when American conservative evangelicalism and other forms of Christianity sound a lot like Mormonism and Islam (I’ve posted stories before noting the similarities of beliefs and practices among these groups, especially as pertaining to sex, dating, marriage and views, teachings, and treatment or roles of women).

While there may be Christian universities who do not demand that female students dress head to toe in “burka garb” before departing a dorm during a fire drill, this doesn’t change the fact that this type of objectification of women can still be found in lesser forms in those universities, or in Christian literature, sermons, churches, blogs, and books.

The same views about women that under-gird the extreme conservative colleges on these strict clothing requirements during fire drills is the same exact rationale, convictions, and worldviews which underlie the more mild expressions of sexism against women by gender complementarians (such as not permitting women to preach in churches, teaching one-way submission of wives to husbands, etc) that this woman’s own blog who contacted me covers on a regular basis.

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h/t to Stuff Fundies Like blog, which in turn linked to another story at the Friendly Atheist blog

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Related posts:

(Link):  Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose

(Link): When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence from NatePyle.com Re: Modesty and Purity Teachings

(Link): Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ* by LP

(Link):  Extremist Muslims Like Family Values Too – Muslims are joining ISIS / ISIL (extremist Islamic group) because they believe it supports “Family Values” – When Christianity and Islam sound alike

(Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link): Funny Satirical Piece: Woman Mocks Demands for Female Modesty By Shaming Males (and their judgy Mothers) For Being Immodest

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Women Reading and Enjoying Erotica (Fifty Shades of Grey) Yes, Females Are Interested In Sex – Contrary to Gender Stereotypes

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Male Modesty and Male Shaming

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

(Link): “He’s Got Muscles” – Pat Robertson Weirdness (Discussing Tebow’s Sexiness)

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)