Single, Virgin Women Do Not Have Another Standard by Which to Be Saved, Contra Complementarian Group CBMW

Single, Virgin Women Do Not Have Another Standard by Which to Be Saved, Contra Complementarian Group CBMW

The Bible does teach that people should remain virgins until marriage, but oddly, some Christians do things like omit men from this teaching (as though virginity applies only to women).

In this case, they seem to be conflating being single, and a virgin, with receiving salvation, as though there’s some other standard by which others are saved. Christians also frequently make much too much out of the marriage analogy, in which they pretty much seem to suggest that a person has to be married (and having sex) to truly know God or be in relationship with God.

Via the Biblical Personhood blog:

(Link): Is “Biblical” manhood and womanhood compatible with the gospel of Christ?

The Biblical Personhood blog reproduces this quote from a Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood resource:

[from complementarian, CBMW, material:]

48. How can a Christian single woman enter into the mystery of Christ and the Church if she never experiences marriage?
[Their answer promotes offering your virginity to God. Nothing about becoming a Christian.] – CBMW, “Fifty Crucial Questions, Question 48

… The mystery of Christ and the church, likewise, is not about marriage or celibacy. Jesus loved you – male or female, single or married or divorced or widowed – first. Know you are loved by God, love God back, experience God’s love, and see how it never ends, and how it changes you to live for Him.

Continue reading “Single, Virgin Women Do Not Have Another Standard by Which to Be Saved, Contra Complementarian Group CBMW”

Transgender SJW Liberal Person: Biological, Lesbian Women Should Want to Date People Who Have Penises

Transgender SJW Liberal Person: Biological, Lesbian Women Should Want to Date People Who Have Penises

I am posting about this not so much because this is a Transgender person featured, or because he (she) is talking about how “women have penises too,” but to comment upon this attitude that people are wrong to be attracted to whomever they wish.

Continue reading “Transgender SJW Liberal Person: Biological, Lesbian Women Should Want to Date People Who Have Penises”

The Real Bully: Not Tolerating and Misrepresenting Trump Voters and All Who Are Concerned About Islamic Terrorism Via Refugee Programs

The Real Bully: Not Tolerating and Misrepresenting Trump Voters and All Who Are Concerned About Islamic Terrorism Via Refugee Programs

The woman whose blog post I am addressing is guilty of the very things she accuses others of. The irony.

I am not positive, but I believe the following was written by the same woman who I had to un-follow or mute on Twitter over her non-stop ‘Never Trump’ ranting several months ago (and/or she Tweeted me several times disagreeing with my links to news stories about Islamic refugees who had raped women or killed people). (I believe she is on Twitter here (Link): @MYsongofpraise )

I am neither strongly for or against Trump.

I did not like Trump’s sexist comments or behavior, as reported in the media. I do think that gender complementarian Christians should have spoken out more forcefully against Trump’s sexism than they did.

In my view, some who support Trump go over board, but then, so do people who are opposed to Trump.

You have Trump supporters who get vitriolic over the mildest criticisms of Trump or his policies, and they seem to feel Trump is the second coming of Jesus and can walk on water and do no wrong.

On the other hand, Liberal Anti- Trumpers and conservative Never Trumpers are equally bad, but in the opposite direction – they behave as though Trump is the reincarnation of Hitler, which he is most certainly not (and the non-stop comparisons by them of Trump to Hitler cheapens the horror of the Holocaust).

Here is the person and blog post I am responding to (I will include excerpts from the post further below):

(Link): Watchblogging and #evangelicalbetrayal – from the “On Hope” blog, the URL contains the phrase “atckmelodythoughts”

The individual who is behind that blog post – I shall refer to her as “Hope” (is her name Melody?) – describes herself as a moderate conservative.

If I remember correctly, and unless I am confusing her with another person, I followed “Hope” on Twitter several months ago ((Link): @MYsongofpraise ) ) but had to un-follow her, as she is a rabid Never-Trumper. The frequent anti-Trump rants, and their companion worst-case assumptions of Trump supporters or Trump voters, got tiresome to read.

This blogger is (again, assuming this is the same person I encountered on Twitter months ago), very naive concerning Islamic-motivated terrorism in Western nations.

She’s the sort who wants Americans (and others) willy nilly accepting refugees from Islamic nations, without seemingly caring about the possible negative ramifications involved.

She thinks it’s mean, cruel, or un-Christlike to exercise caution and prudence into accepting migrants, refugees, and immigrants into one’s nation. We’re supposed to allow touchie-feelie, bleeding heart sentiments over-ride caution and good sense in regards to national security.

Continue reading “The Real Bully: Not Tolerating and Misrepresenting Trump Voters and All Who Are Concerned About Islamic Terrorism Via Refugee Programs”

Mother of 5 Comes Out as a Man, Her Only Son Becomes a Girl and Husband Says It’s OK – by L. Blair

Mother of 5 Comes Out as a Man, Her Only Son Becomes a Girl and Husband Says It’s OK
Links to most the articles about this are farther below – here is one:

So. There are a lot of U.S., conservative Christians who run around insisting that marriage (and parenthood) is necessary to make a person more mature and godly.

Many conservative Christians also feel that a person has to be perfect, or achieve some amount of godliness (or maturity or some other great qualities) before God will grant that person a spouse.

If all that were so, please explain to me how it is that the biological woman in this story (who considers herself a man now) was able to marry, and how it is that being a parent makes her a more morally upstanding, mature, or whatever other quality, then someone like me, who has never had a kid?

Conservative Christians also teach that The Nuclear Family will restore America – well, here you have a Nuclear Family, a woman married to a guy with a kid or two, who are now transgender.

How exactly did being a Nuclear Family restore America, in this case, or restore “Family Values” or “Christian values”?

Continue reading “Mother of 5 Comes Out as a Man, Her Only Son Becomes a Girl and Husband Says It’s OK – by L. Blair”

Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me

Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me

It is truly disgusting how deeply Christians and secular culture demand and expect all women to reproduce, even if the woman in question has absolutely no interest in having children.

I cannot BELIEVE how terribly OBNOXIOUS people are! It’s none of anyone’s business why or why not this woman has kids, or if she doesn’t want them and why not, and so on.

Breeding is not an imperative – in the New Testament (see 1 Cor 7), Paul states it is better NOT to be having sex! But Christians push and harass people who choose to stay single and childless, or who find themselves as such due to circumstance.

(Link): Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me

BY CHRISTINE THOMASOS , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER

March 7, 2017

Jeannie Mai is speaking out against those who have shamed her for not wanting children, including people in her church who have laid hands on her and prayed for her desire to give birth.

Mai, the 38-year-old co-host of daytime talk show “The Real,” was emotional as she explained the frustration she felt when people expected her to announce her pregnancy with her husband, Freddy Harteis, of 10 years. While she is outspoken about her Christian faith on the show and social media, Mai expressed her issues with people at her church praying for her to want children.

“I’ve even had people like at church, which is why sometimes it throws me off from church, but they lay hands and they’ll pray for me that I’ll want that. [They] lay hands like ‘God you’re going to put that moment in Jeannie where she will be an amazing mother,” she recalled. “‘Let her know, let her feel that.'”

Continue reading “Jeannie Mai Says Church People Pray for Her to Want Babies: Stop Shaming Me”

Dude Writes to Miss Manners Advice Columnist: “Miss Manners: No one Ever Replies to Me on Dating Sites”

Dude Writes to Miss Manners Advice Columnist: “Miss Manners: No one Ever Replies to Me on Dating Sites”

WARNING. The following post contains “Adult” language


Before I paste the letter from the single guy to Miss Manners in (farther below), let me say this:

Let me explain to you clueless men out there the REAL reason women do not send you a polite rejection letter when you message them on dating sites:

Because 98% of men out there, men of all ages on dating sites, do NOT handle rejection gracefully, but with insults laced with profanity (and often drenched with sexism), no matter HOW POLITELY and GENTLY the woman turns the dude down.

In the past, when I was on dating sites more often, and I would politely reply to a guy who winked at me or messaged me on a dating site and said to him something polite such as, “Thank you for your interest, but after looking over your profile, I don’t think we’re compatible, but I hope you meet someone of your liking very soon!”

And for that trouble, the guy in question would reply thusly to me (this was a typical reply I’d get from men whom I turned down gently – this was not an exception, but a general rule):

“Fuck you! I didn’t like you any way. You are a fat, ugly cow.

I see from your profile you work as an ‘X’, your career is in “Z” field. I bet you only make $40,000 a year, which is not a lot.

Well, I am a 6 ft 4 inch hunk of man, I stay in shape, I am sexy, I work as a ritzy investment banker and make $250,000 a year!

I own a Porsche and a BMW. I go skiing in the Alps twice a year. I have met Bruce Springsteen in person TWICE and got his autograph.

Any woman would want me. You are a stupid slut for turning me down! Go fuck yourself, and I hope you get raped!!”

Yep, that is the usual reply a woman gets on dating sites when she turns a guy down, even if she is super sweet in how she goes about it.

I often wonder why these assholes bother “winking” at me, or messaging me on these sites, in the first place, when, after I reject them, they shoot back with, “You’re an ugly bitch.”

Well, my dear, my photos are in plain site on my profile, and if you felt I was an ugly bitch the whole time, why did you bother to flirt with me? If you don’t consider a woman nice, smart, and pretty in the first place, then do NOT message her on this site, you moron.

To those types of men in real life and on dating sites: You sore loser. Grow up. Learn to handle rejection better and with aplomb, instead of lashing out at women who aren’t interested. YOU RUDE LOSER.

(Link):   Miss Manners: No one ever replies to me on dating site

DEAR MISS MANNERS:

I am a male member of a popular dating website. When I read the profile of someone I’d like to meet, I write them a personalized letter pointing out some of our common interests, adding a bit of levity where I can, suggesting we meet for coffee and conversation. These letters generally run from five to eight sentences. In other words, I’ve put some effort into it.

Continue reading “Dude Writes to Miss Manners Advice Columnist: “Miss Manners: No one Ever Replies to Me on Dating Sites””

IUPUI Study Finds Participants Feel Moral Outrage Toward Those Who Decide to Not Have Children

IUPUI  Study Finds Participants Feel Moral Outrage Toward Those Who Decide to Not Have Children

(Link): This May Explain Why So Many People Feel Outraged About Childfree Adults

Parenthood is often seen as a moral imperative, according to new research.

(Link): Adults who choose not to have children inspire moral outrage in study participants

People should not be judged poorly or harassed or shamed for deciding not to have children. Women especially bear the brunt of this – men who decide not to procreate don’t seem to receive as much condemnation for remaining childless as do women.

As for myself, I was not terribly interested in having kids of my own. Had I married when much younger, I was open to the possibility of having a kid or two within marriage, but as I’m still single into my 40s, I have no interest in having kids now if I marry, and I sure as hell have no desire to have a kid out of wedlock and raise it alone (nor do I have the means to do so).

Society needs to get off the backs of people who are childless – whether it’s by choice or circumstance.

I cannot understand why other people act as though everyone has to share the same life goals or choices as they do, and then shame or condemn them for choosing or living differently, especially over something like this.

(Link):  IUPUI  Study Finds Participants Feel Moral Outrage Toward Those Who Decide to Not Have Children

Excerpts

Feb 2017

 Data representing individuals from across the United States indicates that U.S. adults are increasingly delaying the decision to have children or forgoing parenthood entirely. Yet evidence suggests that voluntarily child-free people are stigmatized for this decision, according to a study published in the March 2017 edition of Sex Roles: A Journal of Research.

Leslie Ashburn-Nardo, an associate professor of psychology at Indiana University-Purdue University Indianapolis, recently investigated this bias against those who choose to not have children.

“What’s remarkable about our findings is the moral outrage participants reported feeling toward a stranger who decided to not have children,” Ashburn-Nardo said. “Our data suggests that not having children is seen not only as atypical, or surprising, but also as morally wrong.”

Continue reading “IUPUI Study Finds Participants Feel Moral Outrage Toward Those Who Decide to Not Have Children”

The Stupid Billy Graham Rule Strikes Again, Via Relevant Magazine: ‘Is It OK for Married People to Text the Opposite Sex?,’ by Z. Carter

The Stupid Billy Graham Rule Strikes Again, Via Relevant Magazine: Is It OK for Married People to Text the Opposite Sex?, by Z. Carter

Not only did Relevant magazine (Christian publication) recently publish this dreck (link is much farther down this blog post), but a guy or two under Relevant’s Tweet about it were defending it, LOL.

This is basically a variation on the BGR (Billy Graham Rule), which generally casts singles as harlots, women in particular. Ergo, married men are strongly cautioned against talking to, showing compassion to, being around, taking phone calls from, adult single women.

(I have a collection of posts on my blog that refutes the BGR; please see links to those posts at the bottm of this one, under “Related Posts.”)

Jesus never taught the BGR, but actually befriended and talked to all sorts of women, including known prostitutes, divorced women, and so on.

Do evangelicals and the Reformed emulate Jesus on this, Jesus being the role model for all believers? Nope – they choose to emulate the rule-loving Pharisees who also taught men that all women are sexual temptresses, so men ought to avert their gaze if they see a woman walking by.

This paranoia of opposite-gender friendships ends up ostracizing and excluding single adults (some of whom may be lonely and in great need of platonic companionship, let alone romantic), it basically casts even virgins such as myself (over the age of 40) as being hookers and sluts, and it sexualizes every one.

For about four years now, I’ve been Facebook friends with a married guy on Facebook. He knows I’m single. I know he’s married. He knows I know he’s married.

I’ve also been friends with another married guy online for about ten or more years (we met on a forum) and we later became Facebook friends. This guy knows I know he’s married, and he knows I’m single.

And do you know what? This has not been a problem for any of us!

I sometimes even send private notes to the first friend on Facebook about some of my personal problems (stuff I don’t want to put on my Facebook wall).  At no time have I flirted with either male friend, nor have they flirted with me. It’s not even entered my mind!

Yes, it’s possible for single women to be pals with married dudes and nothing inappropriate happens.

I was engaged several years to a guy. My ex at one point rented his own home, then he went on to two different apartments.

I sometimes spent the night with him at these places (over night stays) even in the SAME BED, and we did NOT have sex. (I was very committed to the idea of remaining a virgin until marriage at that point in life. So, my ex and I did not have sex). It’s possible for two adults to spend time alone over night and not have sex.

I have a libido. My ex let me know he had one too – he respected my wishes and boundaries, but he let me know on more than one occasion he was “warm for my form” and was very tempted to get it on. However, we both had self control. Just because you’re alone with someone else and find them attractive does not mean that sex is inevitable.

At least several of the people who left comments below this page (on the Relevant site) were critical of the piece:

(Link):  Is It OK for Married People to Text the Opposite Sex? by Zack Carter

Excerpts.

Affairs don’t start with sex.

….However, I probably don’t have to tell you that too much can be dangerous—especially privacy with someone of the opposite sex.

Continue reading “The Stupid Billy Graham Rule Strikes Again, Via Relevant Magazine: ‘Is It OK for Married People to Text the Opposite Sex?,’ by Z. Carter”

Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane

Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Z. Zane

Here is the link:

(Link): Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane (excerpts farther below)

This piece was written by a man, and he might be a homosexual, based on the stock photo illustrating it, which shows a man walking down the street and laughing with another man – after skimming more of the article, yes, he appears to be homosexual (he talks about dating men).

If this guy is homosexual, I can say as a hetero woman, I related to most of what he wrote.

I am a recovering codependent – and it sounds to me as though the guy who wrote this page, Zane, is also a codependent, or was one at one time.

Codependency usually seems to affect women, but some men can be codependent also.

A lot of stereotypes women are expected to live out and uphold by churches, Christians (under “gender complementarian” or “biblical womanhood” teachings), and secular culture, are actually facets of codependency, and some examples of that are: being passive, compliant, thinking it’s selfish to put yourself first and get your own needs met, and so forth.

If you continually put the needs of another person ahead of your own, you will grow resentful of it eventually, and either explode in anger at the other person or break things off (such as seeking a divorce).

Continue reading “Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane”

Study: Men Fall In Love Faster Than Women

Study: Men Fall In Love Faster Than Women

I think this study may be from 2015, but I didn’t hear about it until recently.

(Link):  Men Actually Fall in Love Way More Often Than Women, Study Shows

(Link): Men fall in love faster than women, but wait longer to say those three special words, survey finds

A survey also found that most people declare their feelings to a new partner around Christmas time

Men appear to be shier than women when it comes to confessing their love to a new partner, but get that fuzzy feeling faster than women, according to new research.

Continue reading “Study: Men Fall In Love Faster Than Women”

Women Who Stay Single or Get Divorced Are Healthiest by B DePaulo

Women Who Stay Single or Get Divorced Are Healthiest

I can tell you that my fellow conservatives won’t like this news at all. Neither will the Christians who are into complementarianism and who like to shame singles for being single, who like to promote the studies that say that staying single will cause a person to be miserable or die younger.

(Southern Baptist Al Mohler loves to push those views (Link): on his blog. It’s sickening.)

Anyway, here is this from B. DePaulo:

(Link): Women Who Stay Single or Get Divorced Are Healthiest by B. DePaulo

Excerpts:

A (Link): new study, soon to be published in the Journal of Women’s (Link): Health, provides fresh evidence that people who stay single instead of getting married, or who get divorced instead of staying married, are especially likely to be healthy.

….Here’s what changed when unmarried women (whether divorced, separated, or always single) got married:

  • After they got married, their BMI (body mass index) increased.
  • After they got married, they drank more.
  • After they got married, their systolic blood pressure increased.
  • Diastolic blood pressure decreased over the three-year period for those who stayed single and those who married, but it decreased less in those who got married.

Here’s what changed when married women got divorced or separated, compared to the women who stayed married:

  • BMI (body mass index) decreased for the women who got divorced.
  • Waist size decreased for the women who got divorced.

(( click here to read the rest ))


Related Posts:

(Link):  More Anti-Singleness Bias From Southern Baptist Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry 

(Link):   Please Stop Shaming Me for Being Single by J. Vadnal

(Link):   Preacher Says in Sermon that Single Men Who Play Video Games Are Losers Who Have Retarded Spirits and This Creates Dating Problems for Women

(Link): Conservative Christians Are Now Blaming Homosexual Marriage on Heterosexual Single Adults

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians Re: Marriage

(Link): Theme Park Bans Single Adults For Fear They Are All Pedophiles

(Link):  Stigmas and Stereotypes of Single Unmarried Men Over 25 or 30 Years of Age – They’re Supposedly All Homosexual or Pedophiles

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link): Church Allows Pedophile To Lead Bible Studies, Hails Pedo as a “Hero” – Meanwhile, Many Churches  Refuse to Allow Celibate, Single Adults to Hold Any Sort of Leadership Positions

A Song for All the Male ‘Ones’ (the Fat, Balding, Sexist, and/or Ugly Guys) Who Rate Women on Scales of One To Ten

A Song for All the Male ‘Ones’ (the Fat, Balding, Sexist, and/or Ugly Guys) Who Rate Women on Scales of One To Ten

I present to you the song “Numbers,” recorded by Bobby Bare some time in the 1970s or 1980s.

For all the male idiots out there who think they can and should rate what women look like on scales of 1 to 10.

This song is Doubly applicable to males who are fat, balding, and/or look like they fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down ~AND~ who think they deserve to date or marry women who look like movie stars or models.

This is so for you, chump.

(Link): Song Lyrics – via AZ Lyrics

(Link): Song Lyrics – via Metro Lyrics

(Link): Song on You Tube

The video / song embedded here:


Related Posts:

(Link):   Dudes, Stop Putting Women in the Girlfriendzone

(Link):  Pickup Artists’ Rape Survivor: ‘I Had to Do My Part to Break the Cycle’

(Link): Why Nice Guys Don’t Get Picked by Women (podcast)

(Link):  Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic) / Men Who Mistake Platonic Friendliness For Flirting – So Annoying 

(Link):  Love-Sick Teenager Who Won’t Take No For an Answer is Finally Shut Down by his Ex-Girlfriend’s FATHER in an Epic Text Exchange – Men of All Ages Need To Learn to Handle Rejection and to Respect Other People’s Boundaries in Dating

(Link): Nice Guys: Scourge of the Single Woman

(Link):  Nice Guys Aren’t So Nice After All: Men in the “Friend Zone” Often Have A Hidden Agenda, Say Psychologists (Daily Mail article)

(Link):  The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

(Link): ‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner

(Link): Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

(Link): Follow up: BITTER GUY Replies to ‘It’s Okay To Call A Guy Creepy (article) / Little Sympathy for Ugly Single Guys’

(Link): Women Do Care About Male Looks but Don’t Go For Penis Photos

(Link):  Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link): Men Become ‘Invisible’ And Lose Sex Appeal At 39 – Article from Daily Caller

(Link):   Why Don’t Some Men Realize A Relationship Is Over Until It’s Too Late? by N. Reilly

(Link):  How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful by W. Leith

The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful By William Leith

(Link): The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful

Why, after decades of feminism, do we seem to demand that women in the public eye be extraordinarily beautiful but their male counterparts can get away with being ordinary?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The art critic John Berger famously said that, in our culture, “men act and women appear”. He didn’t mean that women didn’t actually do anything, or that men never looked pretty. His point was that this was how men and women were depicted.

Men were supposed to be effective, and women were supposed to be attractive. He was right. And it was a travesty. But that was in 1972; it was a long time ago.

Or was it? Four decades of feminism later I am reading the comedian Angela Barnes’ blog. “I am ugly, and I am proud,” she writes. She goes on to say: “The fact is I don’t see people in magazines who look like me. I don’t see people like me playing the romantic lead or having a romantic life.”

At the top of the blog is a picture of Barnes. And the thing is, she isn’t ugly. Neither is she beautiful. She’s normal looking. She’s somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, just like lots of women you see every day in real life.

It made me think of this year’s Wimbledon ladies’ final between Sabine Lisicki and Marion Bartoli. When Bartoli won, the BBC commentator John Inverdale infamously said, “Do you think Bartoli’s dad told her when she was little, ‘You’re never going to be a looker, you’re never going to be a Sharapova, so you have to be scrappy and fight’?”

Continue reading “The Ugly, Unfair Truth About Looking Beautiful by W. Leith”

Male Author Slams Woman Author’s Editorial Slamming Working Mothers as Being Insulting Against Women AND Men

Male Author Slams Woman Author’s Editorial Slamming Working Mothers as Being Insulting Against Women AND Men

(Link): ‘Not only are you calling women selfish, you’re calling men incapable’: Father slams columnist who said motherhood is ‘under threat’ because women are prioritising their careers

Controversial columnist Miranda Devine made headlines in early February after writing a piece about working mothers.

In her column, titled ‘Don’t let your career make you a bad mother,’ Ms Devine said ‘motherhood is under threat’ and that ‘young women are coerced into prioritising careers and becoming feminist warriors against the so-called pay gap.’

Since, the column has been slammed by a number of women and furious mothers, including radio host Em Rusciano, who have labelled the piece both ‘offensive and ignorant.’

And now, Australian father-of-two and daddy blogger, Brad Kearns, has lashed out at the piece in defence of both himself and his wife.

‘Hey Miranda Devine, as a dad, I’ve never felt pressure to justify my career decisions to complete strangers,’ he  (Link): began.

‘Nobody has ever asked me how having children was going to impact my study or work. To be honest, I barely even entertained the thought that it could hold me back professionally.

‘Do you want to know why? Because I’m a f*****g man and society just assumes it wouldn’t change anything.’

Continue reading “Male Author Slams Woman Author’s Editorial Slamming Working Mothers as Being Insulting Against Women AND Men”

Abortion Widens the Gender Gap and Exploits Women – editorial via the Public Discourse Site

Abortion Widens the Gender Gap and Exploits Women

I’m generally pro-life on the abortion issue. I’ve not had time to read this entire article closely. From what I’m skimming, I agree with much of it.

A year or two ago, I saw numerous articles about men (usually younger and college aged) who were calling themselves “Bro Abortion” or something (some abortion term with the word “bro” in front of it, to designate male support of women getting abortions legally).

The upshot from all this, is based on reporting I saw, is that the REAL reason a lot of these men so strongly support abortion is not because they care about women, or a woman’s right to choose for herself and so on, but because they don’t want to deal with getting a woman pregnant! They don’t want to have to raise a baby or kick funds to raise a baby. These selfish dolts are SEXIST. They are only for using women for sex.

Anyway, here are excerpts from the article.

(Link):  Abortion Widens the Gender Gap and Exploits Women by Brian E. Fisher

… Abortion: Men Started It

The exercise of power over the life of one’s offspring is not a new construct. In ancient Rome, for example, thepaterfamilias, or family patriarch, maintained a legal right to dispose of children deemed unwanted or unfit after birth. Likewise, a widespread preference for male children has compelled parents in China and India to terminate the lives of their daughters for centuries.

(Link): Gender-determination ultrasounds have been used more recently to terminate these lives (Link): prior to birth, but the brutal infanticide of daughters remains common.

What is startling about the “women’s rights” argument for abortion ubiquitous in modern Western culture is that it reframes the act of abortion as a means to women’s freedom, whereas historically it was, by and large, a reflection of male dominance.

… Men Use Abortion to Oppress Women

The passage of time revealed that the license to abort a child for any reason and at any point in pregnancy (thanks to the concurrent Supreme Court decision in Doe v. Bolton) would not yield the unfettered liberation contemporary feminists had predicted.

Indeed, there was a major oversight in their calculations—namely, how men would turn the perceived freedoms of abortion on the women who had worked to secure them. Roe effectively promised men consequence-free sex.

Continue reading “Abortion Widens the Gender Gap and Exploits Women – editorial via the Public Discourse Site”

Complementarian and Pro Family Values Christians Claim to be Pro Woman and Pro Family But By Their Actions Show They Are Not

Complementarian and Pro Family Values Christians Claim to be Pro Woman and Pro Family But By Their Actions Show They Are Not

Complementarians claim to be respectful of women, but their theological views help to enable mistreatment of women and bar women from taking positions and roles that should go to them, if they have the skills, talents, and education.

Many Christians claim to be pro “Family Values” but in reality treat children and women (you know, who tend to be parts of families) like dirt.

Here are some posts explaining in detail or giving examples:

First post:

(Link):  When I Became a Single Mother, Patriarchy Let Me Down by Bridget Jack Jeffries (excerpts from this first link farther below)

Second post:

And by way of WW – that is (Link): Wartburg Watch – (from a February 2017 post entitled, “Ignite: Remove Alleged Rapist, Ben Roethlisberger, and Joe White, Who Is Being Sued for Child Sex Abuse Cover Up, From the Speaker Lineup!”)

Christian Liberty University is holding something called “Ignite,” which pertains to advocating godly manhood or family values, or some such. One of Ignite’s scheduled speakers is a guy named Ben Roethlisberger, who is accused of rape by at least three different women. The guy is, or was, a football player.

A sub-heading on the WW page reads: “The troubling history of rape allegations against Ben Roethlisberger”

The WW blog owners in turn link to this page in  their post about this guy here:

(Link):   Without Consequence: When Professional Athletes Are Violent Off the Field

So, a Christian university is allowing an accused rapist to speak at an event that is purportedly about encouraging men to lead godly lives.

Continue reading “Complementarian and Pro Family Values Christians Claim to be Pro Woman and Pro Family But By Their Actions Show They Are Not”

Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison

Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison 

(Link): Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison

My comments about this subject, before copying some excerpts from the link above:

Another form of Male Entitlement: expecting the women around you to cheer you up, listen empathetically as you tell them about your problems. (Though other women can also be guilty of this at times, as I wrote of (Link): here).

In a (Link): much older post I wrote, where I linked to and excerpted an article from elsewhere, some guy in the article admitted that when he went to a local bar after a day at work, he enjoyed the female bartender more than the male ones, because any time he tried to talk about his problems (and receive empathy for his problems) from the males, the male bartenders would tell him to shut up and get over it.

However, when the lady bartender was on duty, she would listen to him and offer sympathy, he said. He relied on and appreciated her willingness to listen and respond with empathy.

My ex-fiance talked non-stop (as I wrote of (Link): here). He always wanted me to listen to him talk about his life, he never cared about mine, and he never asked about my views on anything. My ex expected me to stroke his ego and cheer him up in his ups and downs in life – but he was unwilling to do this for me.

My ex college friend made my mother’s death (Link): all about himself when I sent him notice of my mother’s passing. He talked about himself in his reply to me, instead of just doing what he should have and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”. This ex friend making everything about himself was a pattern for him.

Even before my mother died, my ex college friend would e-mail me and talk about himself – he would ask me a question or two about me, but when I would write back commenting on HIS life – as well as responding to his questions about my life – he would never comment on my replies ABOUT ME.

I got the feeling he was asking about me only out of a sense of politeness. I don’t think he really cared about me or what I was up to or what I was thinking.

While some women can be very self absorbed and can be emotional vampires (I’ve been friends with a few and am related to one), I think at least most women are aware that they’re doing this to another women (and women tend to be aware of how it can be draining to be someone’s emotional support), but men seem to have a blind spot in this area.

Continue reading “Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison”

Lawmaker Wants Women To Spend Sundays Making Husbands Breakfast In Bed

Lawmaker Wants Women To Spend Sundays Making Husbands Breakfast In Bed

I am a right winger, but I don’t find this sort of joking remotely funny (I am assuming these politicians are Republicans, though I’m too lazy to do a search and find out). It’s sexist, especially so coming from the mouths of politicians who are supposed to be representing everyone, which would include women.

(Link): Lawmaker Wants Women To Spend Sundays Making Husbands Breakfast In Bed

Feb 6, 2017

Two North Dakota Representatives have some pretty (Link): outdated ideas for how women should be spending their Sunday mornings.

In their defense of North Dakota’s “Blue Laws” ― which require some businesses to open late on Sunday mornings and some businesses to stay closed altogether  ― (Link): Representatives Bernie Satrom and Vernon Laning seemed to express that Sunday mornings should be spent time traveling back to the norms of the 1950s rather than running errands.

(Link): According to Satrom, women should spend their Sunday mornings bringing their husbands breakfast in bed.

Satrom said that Sundays should be devoted to “spending time with your wife, your husband…Making him breakfast, bringing it to him in bed and then after that go take your kids for a walk.”

Rep. Laning also chimed in with some sexist commentary.

Continue reading “Lawmaker Wants Women To Spend Sundays Making Husbands Breakfast In Bed”

Wendy Griffith’s Singles Material on 700 Club Christian Show in Feb. 2017

Wendy Griffith’s Singles Material on 700 Club Christian Show in Feb. 2017

Wendy Griffith is one of the lady co-hosts on Christian program The 700 Club. She seems okay, but as you all know, I don’t think anyone should take (Link): relationship advice from her host, Pat Robertson.

Griffith is in her 40s, has never been married, but would like to be married. (Like me!)

By the way, if you find me too cranky, mean, and foul-mouthed, you’d probably like her and her Twitter page. She seems like a very nice lady, but not nice in an annoying way.

I thought some of you visitors to my blog may be interested in this information.

I was watching 700 Club a few days ago, and there was a spot on there where Griffith was promoting a new book she has for single Christian women. She is also doing segments either on the TV show or on some Facebook group in relation.

I wasn’t watching the TV segment on this too closely, so I’m rather vague on what is going on.

I do know she has some sort of Facebook group under her name or in relation to 700 Club where adult singles can post prayer requests and read up on material for adult singles.

I will search the internet to see if I can find out more about what is going on with this

I can see she is discussing some of this singleness stuff on (Link): her Facebook page (as of Feb 2017).

Here is one post of hers for Singles Month:

(Link): Facebook: Should the Man Pay for the Date?

(Link): Facebook: The Dangers of Recreational Kissing

A tweet from her Twitter timeline about singles lead to this Facebook page:

(Link): 700 Club / Griffith Singles Video and Advice

Continue reading “Wendy Griffith’s Singles Material on 700 Club Christian Show in Feb. 2017”

Alpha Females Part 4 – From Psychiatrists and Counselors: How and Why Being a Beta Female is Harmful and Damaging to Women

Alpha Females Part 4 – From Psychiatrists and Counselors: How and Why Being a Beta Female is Harmful and Damaging to Women

This commentary will be divided up among a few posts. Here is part 4.

(This post may be edited in the future to re-word things, polish things, add new thoughts or links / For Twitter: #TheAlphaFemalesGuide )

From this series:

Visit Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Part 3B: Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience

Introduction.

For those new to my blog:

I am a right winger. I was a Republican until recently. I am now a conservative Independent.

I was a conservative Christian for many years (I am no longer sure about what my religious views are), and I (Link): Am A Former Gender Complementarian (someone who believed in and lived out traditional gender roles (what Venker would describe as “feminine” or “beta”), views which are based in large measure on incorrect interpretations and applications about gender in the Bible).

I sometimes agree with secular left wing feminists on some topics, but not always. At times, I disagree with secular and religious left wing feminists and have written several blog posts critiquing some of their views.

This series of blog posts is addressing the dating and relationship advice of author Suzanne Venker, who wrote a book called “The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage” which she has lately been marketing online and on TV news shows.

Here is one article by Venker about her relationship views:

(Link, off site):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker


As many books and articles on the subjects of boundaries, codependency, and even domestic violence explain, when or if a woman exhibits codependent behaviors or attitudes (such as being passive, having an unwillingness to say no to others, doesn’t put her own needs first), she will tend to attract abusive, selfish, or exploitative individuals.

Unfortunately, many of these same codependent traits are considered “feminine” by many conservatives and by Christians (under the teaching of gender complementarianism). Author Venker touts such traits under the heading of “Beta” or “being nice” or as “being feminine” or “being soft.”

While I myself do not agree with every last facet of secular (or even Christian) feminism, they are at least correct in fighting against expecting such behavior from girls and women, because they realize it leaves females open to being exploited, or treated unfairly at jobs or in relationships.

As this Christian-authored piece explains, feminism (not even secular feminism) is entirely bad, wrong, or off-base:

(Link): Perhaps Feminism is Not The Enemy

I also explained in (Link): Part 2 how many conservatives (and Venker herself) misunderstand, wrongly explain, or misunderstand feminism.

As I explained in (Link): Part 3 of this series, I was a “Beta” myself for many years (as was my mother), which is what Venker says women should be, if they hope to marry or have a happy, stress-free, marriage once they marry.

However, being “Beta” does not guarantee that a woman will attract more men, get more dates, or have a happy marriage – again, as I already explained in Part 3.

WHAT THE EXPERTS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT WOMEN BEING BETA

Psychiatrists and therapists have written books and articles explaining how and why taking advice such as Venker’s can lead to problems for women, including in the area of dating and marriage.

Below, I will excerpt content from the books The Disease to Please by psychiatrists Harriet B. Braiker, PhD, and counselor Beverly Engel from the book The Nice Girl Syndrome.

First, here are the relevant portions from Venker’s article on Fox News:

(Link):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker – on the Fox News site

Today they abound. There are several reasons why, but it’s in large part due to women having been groomed to be leaders rather than to be wives. Simply put, women have become too much like men. They’re too competitive. Too masculine. Too alpha.

That may get them ahead at work. But when it comes to love, it will land them in a ditch.

Every relationship requires a masculine and a feminine energy to thrive. If women want to find peace with men, they must find their feminine…

In essence, being feminine means being nice. It means being soft instead of hard…

…What men want most of all is respect, companionship and sex. If you supply these basics, your husband will do anything for you…

—(end excerpt)—

There, Venker is telling women to deny who they truly are and downplay their personalities, desires, and so on (don’t come on “too strong”), because if they stay as-is, they will repel men, but if they change themselves to make a man happy, they can attract men, or the man they have won’t want to divorce them.

Let’s see what Dr. Braiker has to say about that type of reasoning (spoiler alert: Braiker totally disagrees with Venker).

From the book The Disease to Please:

Page 95:

…If you are the people-pleaser [people-pleaser = Venker’s Beta, Nice, or Feminine] in an unbalanced relationship… you will be forced to deny or suppress your own needs. Inevitably, even the nicest people will become frustrated and angry when their emotional and sexual needs are denied indefinitely.

Healthy relationships that endure are balanced and interdependent. Balanced interdependence means that both partners are aware of and sensitive and responsive to the needs of the other.

—(end excerpt)—

From pages 93-94:

Many people-pleasers [people-pleaser = Beta, Codependent, Nice, or Feminine women] who have used this approach [making a man dependent upon them by doing nice things for him all the time, stifling your own needs, etc., and  using other approaches Venker recommends] sadly discover that manipulating a man into an excessively dependent position – no matter how nice and well-intended your motives – may actually push him into doing the thing you most fear: abandoning you.

—(end excerpt)—

From pages 94 to 95, Braiker gives a case study of a patient of hers named Jennifer who utilized Venker-type methods to hold on to her husband [she always was available to him sexually, she sacrificed her needs to meet his at all times, and sought to “spoil” him].

The result? Jennifer’s husband Ron began having an affair on her with another woman, and later, Jennifer came home one day to find a note of good-bye from her husband, Ron, where he said he was divorcing her for the other woman.

A little later in this same chapter, starting on page 95, Braiker discusses how many career women are what Venker would refer to as ‘Alpha’ in the workplace (confident, competent, assertive, and so forth) but think that to attract or retain a man in their romantic life, that they must behave in what Venker would refer to as a “Beta.”

Braiker explains in this book that this is not so – that acting “Beta” (or “nice” or “feminine” – all which amounts to the same thing, regardless of the terminology used: being a codependent with bad boundaries in practice), causes such women to attract abusive or selfish men. Braiker then spends the rest of the chapter cautioning women from being passive in their romantic life to avoid users, abusers, and narcissists.

Here are a few excerpts, by Braiker (pages 95, 96):

… I have treated many highly successful career women who have entrapped themselves in bad relationships with men by their self-imposed people-pleasing [people-pleasing = being Beta, Nice, Feminine, Codependent] subservience.

A large number of these women who are now at the pinnacle of their professions grew up in the 1950s and 1960s, in an era when femininity and sexual attractiveness still carried with them certain gender stereotypes such as submissiveness, dependency, passivity, and sensitivity.

Today, many of these women, and even a significant number of younger women too, fear that the very traits that account for their success in the workplace – assertiveness, mental toughness, aggressiveness, competitive-ness – become liabilities in their romantic relationships with men.

[Here Braiker inserts the case study of one woman patient who is a CEO]

Many women like my [C.E.O.] patient, harbor misgivings about whether their achievements might boomerang when it comes to relationships with men and come back to haunt them.

…. As a consequence of this dangerous combination [fear of success combined with people-pleasing], they may engage in a range of self-defeating behaviors that can sabotage either their careers or their personal relationships, and often both.

… Some people-pleasing women attempt to resolve the dilemma by splitting their personality traits into two discrete “sides.” They may display their competitive, assertive, and aggressive side at work.

In their personal relationships with men, they may adopt an exaggerated “femininity,” displaying passivity, submissiveness, and compliance. This masquerade, of course, is no solution at all. Rather, it is a recipe for inner conflict, anxiety, identity confusion, and lowered self-esteem.

—(end excerpt)—

Braiker then next, on pages 96-97, offers up the case study of one of her women patients, Helene, who was a successful business woman who was living out what Venker suggests in her book for women to do: be assertive at the job, but be the passive, sweet, sex kitten at home with her mate.

The result of this for Helene? Lots of abuse.

…behind closed doors when they are alone, Bob [Helene’s boyfriend] treats Helene abusively. [Helene has a far more successful career than Bob does, which Bob is aware of.]

Helene defends Bob’s behavior by “understanding” how difficult it is for a man to stand in her shadow.

…Helene realized [via therapy] that she needed to correct some of her own gender stereotypes. Helene believed that by demonstrating her people-pleasing [Beta, nice, feminine] behavior in her personal relationships with men, she was being more feminine and, therefore, more sexually attractive.

[At her place of employment, where she was CEO, Helene tolerated no sexual harassment for herself or for any woman]. However, because of her Disease to Please [being codependent, Beta, nice, and feminine], Helene was actually rewarding a man for treating her abusively behind close doors.

—(end excerpt)—

From page 97:

It is imperative that you recognize how dangerous and self-sabotaging your people-pleasing tendencies with men can become so that you can change the unhealthy dynamic of your relationships. Otherwise, the Disease to Please [being codependent, Beta, nice, and feminine] will serve as a veritable mating call to men who have a perverse need and desire to control nearly every aspect of your behavior. Worse yet, you will allow them to do so.

—(end excerpt)—

Page 98:

Unless you repair the damage by curing the Disease to Please [being codependent, Beta, nice, and feminine]  that produced it, you will limp away from the relationship with the brand of “damaged goods” on your ego. [Then the cycle will repeat itself as you attract yet another abusive, selfish, or jerk boyfriend who mistreats you all over again.]

—(end excerpt)—

As you can see from those excerpts (and there are plenty more in the book), Dr. Braiker strongly warns and advises women against the very traits and attitudes that Venker is telling women in articles, books, and TV appearances that she thinks they should have!

While there are plenty of selfish or abusive men who would enjoy being able to thoroughly control a woman, and a woman who, per Venker’s teaching, willingly goes along with it, a lot of men soon tire of this extreme “feminine” type of woman and dump her.

In her book, starting on page 100, Dr. Braiker discusses a male patient she had once who admitted that he loved to date the sort of women Venker advises women to be, because they were so easy to control. But, the guy soon got tired of dating these passive, wimpy, Beta women.

Here’s what he said:

“…One day, I realized I’m sitting in the boat [of life] all alone. I don’t want the kind of woman who will do anything to please me anymore. It’s boring and lonely. I want a partner who can sit on the boat next to me and keep me company. I want us to please each other without losing all boundaries or identity.”

Another male patient said (page 101):

“I do like to be in control, but I really want someone who will push back. I like steak because it gives me something to chew on. I don’t want to eat pre-chewed baby food. That’s how I wind up feeling about a woman who will give up her own substance just because she’s trying to please me. There’s nothing to chew on; there’s no challenge there at all. I just get bored.”

As Dr. Braiker so succinctly puts it (from page 106):

-There’s nothing wrong with wanting to make a man you love happy or wanting to please him. Just be sure that you’re not pleasing him by hurting yourself in the process.

-Any man who is threatened or feels diminished by your intelligence, achievements, success, or talent is NOT someone with whom you are likely to have a gratifying relationship with anyway. Look elsewhere.

—(end excerpt)—

Earlier in the book starting around page 49, Dr. Braiker discusses a single woman patient she had named Miranda who wants badly to get married. Miranda cannot figure out why she can’t seem to hold on to a man.

Miranda wrongly assumes the way to “catch” a man is to take the sort of advice Venker gives in her relationship book – she tries to be very pleasing and agreeable with every man she dates, she molds herself into whatever type of woman she assumes her current boyfriend of the month likes, and so on.

The result is that all these men eventually become bored with Miranda – and break up with her.

As Braiker describes it in the book (page 50), Miranda puts on the “beta” routine that Venker advises:

So, as soon as Miranda finds herself attracted and interested in a man, she puts herself in a subservient, submissive, position. She lavishes men with attention, adoration, and praise. Miranda believes that to be worthy of a man’s love, she must prove she will always put his needs first.

…The truth is that she [Miranda] cannot offer the one thing a healthy man wants and needs the most: the ability to truly share herself because she knows and values who she is.

—(end excerpt)—

Notice that Miranda’s assumptions on how to attract a man are similar to the tactics Venker puts forward in her Fox news article. And, as Braiker goes on to explain, Miranda was her patient because her “beta” femininity was driving men away, and she could not figure out that it was her very beta-femininity-ness that was at fault.

EXCHANGING AGENCY AND INDEPENDENCE FOR BEING OVER-RELIANT ON A MAN

Continuing with my critique of Venker’s views; more from her article at Fox news:

(Link):  Society is creating a new crop of alpha women who are unable to love by S. Venker – on the Fox News site:

And because I had zero interest in my husband adopting a more feminine role, I set about to become the feminine creature our culture insists women not be.

And here’s what I learned: It’s liberating to be a beta!

I’m an alpha all day long, and it gets tiresome. I concede that I thrive on it; but at the end of the day, I’m spent. Self-reliance is exhausting. Making all the decisions is exhausting. Driving the car, literally or figuratively, is exhausting.

—(end excerpt)—

So, Venker is apparently fine ceding normal adult and personal responsibility to her husband because it makes her life easier. What she’s also sacrificing is her independence, dignity, and agency by doing so.

I take it that Venker is a right winger or conservative: right wingers and conservatives support personal responsibility; they don’t recommend that adults neglect it.

As I explain in an older post, I am a FORMER gender complementarian. Sometimes people on other sites have asked me, “Why do you suppose so many Christian women willingly endure the sexism known as complementarianism?”

One of several reasons so many Christian women remain “stuck” in complementarianism and go along with it is precisely to ride the coat-tails of a husband, because it’s easier going through life with someone taking care of you than it is for you to take care of yourself, by getting a job, taking care of your own car, and so forth.

Christian women are willing to trade off their autonomy, dreams, goals in life, and independence in exchange for male-provided financial stability and having a husband who is like a “father figure” who they can rely on.

In the book of Genesis of the Bible, God, by the way, actually predicted this would happen as a result of sin, when He told Adam and Eve that the woman would desire her husband and turn to the husband – rather than to God.

Ever since, yes, many women have indeed traded off God-reliance (or self-reliance) to depend on a husband for emotional and financial stability. And women like Venker (along with hordes of Christian gender complementarians) are prodding women to keep this up. It’s so sick, and rather tragic.

Women depending on men to this degree – and giving up their identity, needs, and self-hood in the process – is a RESULT of the Fall, a RESULT of sin entering humanity – but Venker and complementarians and other conservatives think this is awesome, healthy, or great for marriages and dating. Sick, sick, sick.

Secular feminism seeks to correct this type of sin that impacts women so strongly (and so this is one aspect of feminism that is good!), ironically.

Secular feminists are trying to free women from this very sin God predicted back in Genesis (and secular feminists – and a smaller number of Christian gender egalitarians – see how damaging it is), but many Christians and conservatives keep trying to cram women back into this same “sin box” and tell them it is “good” for them and for their relationships.

So, Venker finds being responsible and making decisions all day tiring. Well, yes, most people do. But the solution is not to hand over all or most of your personal responsibility to another adult.

Counselor Beverly Engels warns women against this very temptation in her book (Link): The Nice Girl Syndrome.

Engel discusses in the book (pages 212 – 214) that during her early 30s, on a month long trip to Europe, she met a European guy named Jacob. By the time she met this guy, she had been in Europe for a few weeks, was exhausted.

She ends up going to his place, they had sex a time or two, though the second time she didn’t really want to. The guy wasn’t exactly overtly abusive, but she felt she “owed” him sex to be nice to him, since he was now taking care of her. He was making her breakfasts, letting her stay at his home, etc.

For a period of time, due to exhaustion, Engel says she let this Jacob man control her, she was tired of making decisions for herself, she was tired of all the responsibility on this trip, so she was willing to turn the steering wheel over to Jacob – as Venker is asking women to do in their own relationships.

Engel says that is a bad move, and she has regret over her interactions with Jacob to this day. Even though she kept turning the guy down sexually, so long as she stayed at his home, he kept repeatedly bugging her for sex and for more sex. He was super persistent.

Venker’s advice to women boils down to that they infantilize themselves to be more attractive to men. This is bad and dangerous advice.

From page 131 by Engel:

You can’t expect anyone else to take responsibility for your welfare. You are the only one who can take care of you.

The price you pay for looking to someone else to take care of you is dependency, the loss of self, and, ultimately, the inability to control your life.

YOU DON’T WANT TO DATE OR MARRY THE SORT OF MEN VENKER’S ADVICE WILL ATTRACT

From page 45 of Engel’s book:

It used to be that the payoff for being sweet and nice was that one was taken care of and protected by the men and authority figures in one’s life.

Girls and women were perceived as weaker and in need of protection from the “big, bad world,” and boys and men took on the responsibility of making sure that nothing bad happened to them. But those days are gone, along with chivalry and manners.

Most boys and men today do not feel responsible for protecting girls; in fact, many view girls and women as objects to be exploited.

…This doesn’t mean that there aren’t men who like taking on the role of provider and protector. But these men are not necessarily throwbacks to an earlier time – unfortunately, they often take on this role as a way of dominating women. In fact, these men often look for women who are passive, who appear naive and innocent, because such women are easier to control.

–(end excerpt)–

Yes, as you can see, Venker’s advice, if followed, will open you up to appearing very attractive to abusive, selfish, cruel, or self-absorbed men who only want to use you, not care for you or about your needs.

The sorts of men you will attract if you follow Venker’s advice are not the sorts of men you want to date or marry. You want to avoid these guys, not marry them.

I also find this, from Engel’s book, highly pertinent (from page 126), where Engle is discussing a patient she had named Nina:

Nina was painting a picture of a storybook family life – the dutiful wife, the hardworking husband, the kids who were seen but not heard. Or was it? Nina was a young woman who was raised in the 1980s – not the fifties. Something just wasn’t adding up.

After several more sessions and some gentle prodding on my part, Nina finally opened up more about how it really was in her family. As it turned out, it wasn’t so perfect after all.

Yes, her mother was a dutiful wife, but her father was quite demanding. He expected his wife to wait on him hand and foot when he was home, and he was extremely hard to please.

There were many nights when he refused to eat what she [his wife, who was Nina’s mother] had cooked and insisted that she cook something else entirely. He complained if the house wasn’t immaculate and the kids weren’t bathed and dressed up when he got home.

As we continued to explore Nina’s childhood, Nina admitted that it really wasn’t by choice that her mother didn’t have any friends or didn’t go out much. It was at her father’s insistence that Nina’s mother not associate with anyone outside the family.

–(end excerpt)–

If you go by Venker’s marital advice, you may find yourself with a similar dynamic in your marriage that Nina’s mother was in. How many of you married women out there want that sort of loveless, emotionally abusive marriage?

Exchanging your decision-making abilities or duties for a life of ease and simplicity, all so more stress and responsibility falls on your husband, is a lazy, stupid, immature, potentially dangerous thing to do, and it’s actually unfair to your husband. I am dumb-founded that a conservative author any where would recommend that other women do this, or that she does this herself.

I hope this post of mine, with excerpts from books by a psychiatrist and a counselor, both of whom have treated many patients over the years (and hence have way more insight and experience in relationship dynamics than Venker does) clarifies just how terrible, sexist, and harmful relationship advice such as Venker’s is.

If you didn’t want to take my word for it, as (Link): based upon my experience and my mother’s, with how awful it was to utilize Venker-like advice in our own relationships, I hope the insights by professionals (one with a PhD) lends more credence.


I intend on writing a Part 5, if or when I get the time and/or inclination. And then, I think I may finally be done with this series. – Thankfully. This was not something I enjoyed writing all too much.


Related Posts:

(Link):  Alpha Females Part 1 – Nothing New Under the Sun. Conservative Women Keep Issuing Same Sexist, Unhelpful Dating And Marital Advice to Women

(Link):  Alpha Females Part 2 – Defining the Terms – How Anti-Feminists and Complementarians Misrepresent Concepts or Terms

(Link): A Response to Venker: Re: Personal Experience