Dear Abby – She Wants A Divorce From the Husband Who Hid His Vulnerable Narcissism (Emotional Abuse, Extreme Pessimism, Victim Mentality, etc) While They Were Dating

Dear Abby – She Wants A Divorce From the Husband Who Hid His Vulnerable Narcissism (Emotional Abuse, Extreme Pessimism, Victim Mentality, etc) While They Were Dating

What an interesting and informative letter to Dear Abby (I’ll get to the actual link and letter below, but I had some comments to make about it first).

It appears to me that the woman (who calls herself “Worn Out Wife”) married a classical Vulnerable Narcissist (sometimes also called a “Covert Narcissist” or a “shy” or “closeted” narcissist). The guy has all the usual traits for one.

From what I’ve read on the topic, when Narcissists of all varieties date someone, or are trying to win someone over (could also include a friend or co-worker, not just a romantic prospect for marriage), they start out trying to win you over – they will use what is called “love bombing,” mirroring, etc., and in the love bombing stage, they turn up the charm and fake compassion and fake kindness to a very high degree.

Narcissists of all types lack empathy, are highly entitled, rude, and abusive in private with those closest to them. (Well, that’s generally how it goes; not all narcissists exhibit or practice the same usual narcissistic patterns or behaviors as other narcissists.)

“Love Bombing” can appear different depending on the type of Narcissist we’re talking about, and sometimes a Narcissist with one predominant style – a Grandiose one, for example – may dabble in a few of the Covert Narcissistic type behaviors, or vice versa.

The Grandiose ones are known for being really charming upfront, while the love bombing of the Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist usually involves them playing on and exploiting your empathy and heart strings by presenting themselves as a great big victim in life, whom everybody has hurt or let down at one time or another.

Early in a relationship (whether dating, friendship, or workplace) Vulnerable Narcissists will go on and on about all the heartaches and set backs they’ve experienced from their childhood into adulthood – they therefore get you to pity them and want to help, rescue, and save them – and at least initially in a relationship, the Vulnerable Narcissist will pretend to care deeply about your heartbreaks and pain in life.

(But Vulnerable Narcissists don’t really, truly care about your feelings or your problems – they only pretend to care in order to draw you into a relationship, and some do this to get you to share YOUR personal problems with them, so they can weaponize your shame, regrets, and vulnerabilities against you later.
They may occasionally pretend to care as a relationship drags on, if they are interested in holding on to you, so they may toss you the occasional “crumb” of empathy. But they don’t have any empathy for you and don’t genuinely care about your pain or problems).

(Getting you to pity and feel sorry for them also causes you to lower any normal boundaries you may usually have, and you let this toxic person into your life. Sociopaths and psychopaths also play at this same game.)

It sounds to me like this woman’s husband is predominantly a Vulnerable type of Narcissist but that he used more of the usual Love Bombing techniques of a Grandiose one while he was dating this lady.

Once they got married, though, he didn’t feel the need, or have the energy, to keep maintaining the false mask of “Mr. Charming,” “Mr. Sensitive, Mr. Kindness,” chucked all that aside, and only THEN (once he had her) allowed his true Vulnerable Narcissistic nature to appear,
which consists of a super sour, pessimistic, bitter, “negative nancy” attitude, with a huge side order of victim mentality, along with common Vulnerable Narcissistic behaviors of constantly complaining, joy killing, and constant fault finding (of a spouse, or whomever is closest to them privately).

And yes, as this woman says of her husband – he’s miserable – Vulnerable Narcissists are usually miserable people.

Vulnerable Narcissists truly, honestly think they have life harder than other people, they believe that God “picks on them” specifically, they believe that others haven’t had as many obstacles in life as they have had, they further believe that if only God, or people, had given them more chances and breaks in life, they could’ve been more successful.

Vulnerable Narcissists also tend to be jealous of other people – other people’s success, homes, marriages, beauty, achievements, etc.

Another thing I learned about Vulnerable Narcissists from reading works by psychologists who specialize in Narcissism is that they will only show interest in, or want to talk about, topics that are of interest to them personally.

If you try to bring up a topic that you’re “into,” but that the Vulnerable Narcissist is not, they find that boring and will usually ignore you and not have anything to say. They will either fade away, leave the room, or try to pivot the conversation on to a topic that they are interested in.

Vulnerable Narcissists only get interested and animated regarding topics that they’re already interested in themselves.

I certainly experienced that dynamic with (Link): an online ex-friend who seemed to be on the Vulnerable Narcissist spectrum (she also exhibited some of their other well known traits). I’ve also known a few other people in my life who’ve had the same, or similar, behaviors.

And no, no matter how hard you try to make the Vulnerable Narcissist happy, it’s never good enough.

Whether it’s with a Covert or a Grandiose, no matter how hard you try to win them over, make them happy, or appease or please them, they will always find something to nit pick about and criticize. They will sometimes move the goal posts, so you can never, ever win.

In her letter, the lady says this:

He has taken the things away from me that I love — flowers, gardening, pets, books, friends, etc.

I wish the letter writer had elaborated on that portion a little more, because I’m not totally sure what she means.

I have a few Narcissists in my own life, and I do know that once they find out what your hobbies are, or a goal or dream you have, they will mock it and make fun of it to the point (and the Vulnerable Narcissists may complain about it to the point) that you get rid of those hobbies, dreams, or goals.

You may find it easier to cave in to their wish that you stop doing X (whatever X is) then to listen to your Vulnerable Narcissist husband, boyfriend, sibling, or whomever it is, bitch, moan and gripe about the same thing repeatedly (whether it’s doing X or having a pet in the house or whatever it is),
until their non-stop complaining about it drives you nuts, and so you will do anything to get them to shut the hell up, to stop the complaining about it (I also went through that with the ex fiance of mine).

I’m not sure if that is what the letter writer was getting at or not.

Lastly, people should stop blaming women for marrying abusive or controlling men.

I’ve seen so many Christian preachers victim-blame women who write in for advice on Christian television shows (or podcasts, magazines, or blogs) on what to do about their abusive marriage, and many preachers will shame the woman and say,
“Didn’t you see what kind of man he was before you married? You should have. Now you’re stuck with him.”

The problem is that a lot of abusive people (including women, not just men) HIDE their true abusive natures while they’re dating.

This is also true in other areas. That is to say, if someone is a pathological Narcissist, they’re usually not going to advertise their Narcissistic attitudes and behaviors openly at church, friendships, or in jobs – they will only reveal their nasty behavior in private around a few select targets,
or, if they’re the leader in a church or boss at a job, where they know they are immune from consequences, they may openly emotionally and verbally abuse their staff, for instance.

But concerning marriage, most abusers conceal their controlling, constant fault finding, verbally abusive behavior (and other terrible tendencies) during the dating stage, and only allow it to show after they marry the person and/or know that the person they’re in a relationship is committed to them, is financially and/or socially dependent on them (many abusers isolate their targets from friends and family).

Most people are not going to walk freely, knowingly, willingly, and openly into a marriage to someone they can see and know is controlling, constantly critical, a user, or abusive.

If the abuser quite openly abused and behaved obnoxiously during the dating stage, no woman would ever marry these guys – that’s why abusers pour on the charm and hide the violence or psychological abuse until AFTER they marry.

This is very much a “bait and switch” phenomenon, where the Narcissist lies about who they are; the Narcissist presents upfront one way, while in the dating stage, but then differently, after the person is in their clutches.

As such, the Christians who still advocate for the “permanence of marriage” view, or ones similar (that don’t allow emotional abuse, for example, as a grounds for “biblical” divorce) are in error.

I don’t think most Christians have bothered to study Cluster B personality disorders or Narcissistic Abuse at all. Perhaps if more did, they’d be more open to re-interpreting the Bible and realizing God doesn’t expect anyone to stay married to an abuser until death.

And this is not a problem just in marriage – I don’t want to get into it too much here and now, but where abuse and mistreatment arises in the workplace or in friendships, Christians are also ignorant clowns who end up doing a lot of damage to targets.

For example, if you’re being bullied in your place of employment by a jerk, depending on the particular circumstances, it may be very counter-productive to take the usual, naive, un-workable Christian advice of “turn the cheek and pray for the enemy” towards your workplace bully.

The reality is, most bullies have to be stood up to. You cannot sit back, be passive, be loving to your workplace enemy, just pray that God removes the bully, and hope things just work out.

If you’re dealing with a “Cluster B” bully, the best way may be to go “grey rock” on that individual and then try to change jobs as fast as you can.

Here is the letter from the lady who seems to be married to what sounds an awful lot like a Vulnerable Narcissist:

📫📨📬📫

(Link): Dear Abby: I want to divorce my husband but he has cancer

by Dear Abby
January 24, 2023

DEAR ABBY:
My husband and I have been married for nine years. While we were dating, he was kind, considerate and loving.

After we married, he turned into a chronic complainer, something he later confessed he had been hiding while we dated.

He talks to me like I’m trash and then gets nice when he wants something.

Continue reading “Dear Abby – She Wants A Divorce From the Husband Who Hid His Vulnerable Narcissism (Emotional Abuse, Extreme Pessimism, Victim Mentality, etc) While They Were Dating”

Accused Pedophile Pleaded Guilty to Grooming, Devised ‘Unbelievable’ Schemes to Meet Underaged Girls by Dressing as a Teen Girl, Using Fake Social Media Profiles, Enrolling in School

Accused Pedophile Pleaded Guilty to Grooming, Devised ‘Unbelievable’ Schemes to Meet Underaged Girls by Dressing as a Teen Girl, Using Fake Social Media Profiles, Enrolling in School

Pedophiles seem to be getting more and more brazen.

This goes to show why biological men who dress up as women, or who say they identify as women, should not be permitted into girl’s- and- women’s- only spaces – because they will take advantage of such access to rape girls and women.

(Link): Accused pedophile pleaded guilty to grooming, devised ‘unbelievable’ schemes to meet underaged girls by dressing as a teen girl, using fake social media profiles, enrolling in school

January 26, 2023
by Paul Sacca

A British man devised elaborate and “unbelievable” schemes to meet underaged girls.

The accused pedophile allegedly created multiple fake social media profiles, pretended to be a schoolgirl by dressing in uniform, and attempted to enroll in the minor’s school.

Anthony Lonsdale, 21, pleaded guilty to eight counts of grooming and possession of sexually explicit images of children this week in court. Lonsdale was sentenced to seven years in jail.

Plus, a Sexual Harm Prevention Order and five-year restraining order were enacted to prevent the accused pedophile from contacting the alleged victims.

The accused pedophile who was arrested last March went to great lengths to meet underaged girls, according to court documents.

Continue reading “Accused Pedophile Pleaded Guilty to Grooming, Devised ‘Unbelievable’ Schemes to Meet Underaged Girls by Dressing as a Teen Girl, Using Fake Social Media Profiles, Enrolling in School”

President of Leading Trans Org Admits Social Contagion is Driving Surge in Kids Identifying as Transgender

President of Leading Trans Org Admits Social Contagion is Driving Surge in Kids Identifying as Transgender

(Link): President of leading trans org admits social contagion is driving surge in kids identifying as transgender

Excerpts:

Jan. 24, 2023
by Mia Ashton

The president of the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH) has admitted that social contagion is a factor in the dramatic increase in children and adolescents identifying as transgender.

Dr. Marci Bowers, a trans-identified male and president of the leading transgender health organization that pushes for affirmation and medical intervention for youth who believe themselves to be members of the opposite sex, made the comments in a recent interview with the (Link): New York Times.

“There are people in my community who will deny that there’s any sort of ‘social contagion’ — I shouldn’t say social contagion, but at least peer influence on some of these decisions,” Bowers told the New York Times. “I think that’s just not recognizing human behavior.”

This is not the first time Bowers has made such comments. In 2021, the celebrity gender surgeon who has performed more than 2,000 vaginoplasties acknowledged the possibility that the surge in teenage girls identifying as boys was a social trend.

“I think there probably are people who are influenced. There is a little bit of ‘Yeah, that’s so cool. Yeah, I kind of want to do that too’,” Bowers said in an interview with Abigail Shrier, author of Irreversible Damage.

This didn’t stop WPATH from removing all lower age requirements from its latest Standards of Care guidelines, nor did it cause the internationally respected transgender health group to reconsider advising clinicians to immediately affirm every child who declares a transgender identity.

Continue reading “President of Leading Trans Org Admits Social Contagion is Driving Surge in Kids Identifying as Transgender”

‘This Rapist Decided He Was No Longer a Man Only After Appearing in Court on a Rape Charge’: Fury As Sex Attacker Transitions Before Trial and is Sent to a Women’s Prison

‘This Rapist Decided He Was No Longer a Man Only After Appearing in Court on a Rape Charge’: Fury As Sex Attacker Transitions Before Trial and is Sent to a Women’s Prison

That male rapists and other male criminals keep using transgenderism as an excuse to not be held fully accountable for their crimes, or to be housed in women’s prisons (where they have access to biological females they can sexually attack), is just one reason of a million I am vehemently opposed to far left trans activism.

(Link): ‘This rapist decided he was no longer a man only after appearing in court on a rape charge’: Fury as sex attacker transitions before trial and is sent to a women’s prison 

Excerpts:

by Martin Robinson
January 24, 2023

There was fury today after a transgender rapist attacked two women as a man then changed gender before the trial.

Isla Bryson was a shaven-headed Adam Graham with a Mike Tyson-style face tattoo when they carried out the violent sex attacks in 2016 and 2019 after abusing the victims they originally met online.

Bryson, who claimed to have had gender issues since the age of four, began transitioning from a man to a woman in 2020 after being charged with the rapes.

The attacker denied the accusations, telling jurors any sex was consensual – although Bryson insisted she [he] did not like sleeping with women and they made the ‘first move’.

There was no reference to the 31-year-old having a gender recognition certificate during the trial.

It is understood Bryson is being held in a segregation unit at Cornton Vale women’s prison, where the attacker will be risk assessed ahead of sentencing to see where she [he] will serve her term.

Today Bryson was found guilty of the two rapes.

Continue reading “‘This Rapist Decided He Was No Longer a Man Only After Appearing in Court on a Rape Charge’: Fury As Sex Attacker Transitions Before Trial and is Sent to a Women’s Prison”

Man Considers Assisted Suicide After Gender Transition Goes Horribly Wrong: ‘I Was So Confused as to Why I Didn’t Have a Penis Anymore’

Man Considers Assisted Suicide After Gender Transition Goes Horribly Wrong: ‘I Was So Confused as to Why I Didn’t Have a Penis Anymore’

Welcome to the house of horrors that are Leftist Sexual Queer Politics: encouraging troubled, confused people to get their bodies mutilated and later regretting it – to the point they want to die. This is trans-activism!

(Link): A Canadian trans woman is killing themselves because they regret their transition

(Link): Man considers assisted suicide after gender transition goes horribly wrong: ‘I was so confused as to why I didn’t have a penis anymore’

January 19, 2023
by Cortney Weil

A Canadian man has reportedly begun the process of applying for assisted suicide through his country’s “medical assistance in dying” law after years of mental and physical anguish as a result of so-called gender transition surgery.

The man known on Twitter as “Duchess Lois” describes himself as “a sterilized first nations person of treaty 6,” meaning he is an indigenous person, “who is also a post-op transsexual woman of 14 years.”

In various recent posts, Lois has stated that he felt “the system” rushed him into undergoing a vaginoplasty at a young age and that he “wasn’t yet ready for” it.

According to a tweet thread posted on January 17, Lois began experiencing severe complications with the surgery a few years ago.

His surgically created vaginal opening had begun to close, and he needed to add more dilations to an already difficult regimen to help keep it open.

He sought medical help for this “depth loss” in June 2021, but the doctor he saw dismissed his concerns. “[W]e as females experience vaginal atrophy,” she reportedly told him.

Continue reading “Man Considers Assisted Suicide After Gender Transition Goes Horribly Wrong: ‘I Was So Confused as to Why I Didn’t Have a Penis Anymore’”

Trans-Identified Suspect Admits to Setting Historic Church on Fire After Hearing Voices in Head

Trans-Identified Suspect Admits to Setting Historic Church on Fire After Hearing Voices in Head

(Link): Trans-identified suspect admits to setting historic church on fire after hearing voices in head

by Ryan Foley
Jan. 10, 2023

A trans-identified individual has been arrested for setting a historic Portland church on fire after confessing to the crime and telling law enforcement that mental illness may have motivated the act of arson.

The Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office announced Thursday that Cameron David Storer, 25, was arrested in connection with a Jan. 3 fire at a vacant building that once housed the Portland Korean Church in Portland, Oregon.

The blaze resulted in the partial collapse of the south side of the church as well as the roof. Storer faces multiple charges related to the fire: two counts of arson in the first degree, one count of arson in the second degree and two counts of burglary in the second degree.

Continue reading “Trans-Identified Suspect Admits to Setting Historic Church on Fire After Hearing Voices in Head”

Menstrual Cycle Tracking App: ‘We Aim to Support Everyone With Periods – Regardless of Gender’

Menstrual Cycle Tracking App: ‘We Aim to Support Everyone With Periods – Regardless of Gender’

Only women have periods. Men cannot and do not have periods.

(Link): Menstrual cycle tracking app: ‘We aim to support everyone with periods – regardless of gender’

January 17, 2023
by Cortney Weil

An app designed to build “a better future for female health” by helping women track their menstrual cycles now claims that menstruation is not an exclusively female experience.

When a user complained on Twitter that Flo — a tracking app that claims to help you “know your body, own your health” — permitted men into “secret chats” about topics related to menstruation, Flo replied, “We aim to support everyone with periods – regardless of gender,” followed by a pride flag and a “trans” flag emoji.

Continue reading “Menstrual Cycle Tracking App: ‘We Aim to Support Everyone With Periods – Regardless of Gender’”

‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated (Incel) Men

‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated (Incel) Men

Before I get to the excerpts from the article, I wanted to make a few comments about it:

The “lack of empathy” these “transmaxxing” guys are complaining about is part and parcel of the very Toxic Masculinity that most conservatives claim does not exist (most conservatives don’t have an accurate understanding of what the phrase means; it does not mean that Masculinity is Toxic – it differentiates between “Good” Masculinity and “Bad” Masculinity,” with the “Bad” version receiving the moniker of “Toxic.” Also, if it matters: I myself am a conservative and am not a feminist.)

Women do not have an easier time at dating, contra to what these unlucky in love men think:
Women get approached and treated horribly in real life, in bars, and dating sites by perverts, arrogant men, and weirdos. Women sometimes get raped and/or beaten and/or murdered by men who they refuse to date or have sex with (I have a few examples on my blog, such as (Link): this one).

If these Incel men “transition” to playing pretend women, they will not be able to date lesbians (biological women), because lesbians still view people with male bodies as male – not as women. If they didn’t get sex as males who identify as men, they won’t be getting any sex as males who identify as women, either.

Also, the “sex” one may receive “as a female” will not be higher quality – I can write volumes on that.
The “Me Too” movement brought that to light – most men are only concerned with their own sexual pleasure, not with the woman’s (you can read more about that here, off site).
Any glance through literature by ex-complementarian or anti-complementarian authors also reveals that male Christians are narcissistic jack-holes who are only concerned with male sexual desires and male pleasure, and not female sexual desires or female pleasure (you can read more about that (Link): here or (Link): here).

(Link): ‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated Men

Excerpts:

by Laurel Duggan
Jan 8, 2023

[Article highlights:]

    • A large, online group of men who consider themselves involuntarily celibate, or “incels,” believe they can build better, more successful lives by transitioning to female.
    • These so-called “transmaxxers” believe society is rigged against men, particularly those who aren’t conventionally attractive, but argue that men can and should adopt female identities — even if they have never experienced gender dysphoria — in order to improve their lives and their sexual prospects.
    • “If you do not currently feel like living as a female you might have to work on fixing that,” a prominent transmaxxing advocate wrote. “Identifying as male or being emotionally attached to a male body is bad for you if being male results in you living a bad life.”

A community of men who consider themselves involuntarily celibate, or “incels,” are transitioning to the opposite sex to escape sexual rejection and improve their lives, according to numerous posts on Discord servers and other social media platforms reviewed by the Daily Caller News Foundation.

While many transgender advocates argue that one’s sense of gender is innate, unchangeable and largely unrelated to one’s biological sex, members of the online “transmaxxer” community encourage one another to transition for personal gain, often regardless of whether they have gender identity issues.

By undergoing cross-sex hormones and identifying as female, transmaxxers argue men can improve their sex lives, access a new dating pool and escape the perceived hardships of being a man.

Continue reading “‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated (Incel) Men”

Man Legally Changed Genders to Gain Custody of His Kids; Trans Groups Concerned

Man Legally Changed Genders to Gain Custody of His Kids; Trans Groups Concerned

Progressive causes like LGBTQ can have all kinds of terrible and unintended consequences, one of which is, perverted men claiming to be trans getting access to women’s bathrooms so they can sexually assault women, but then, there are other odd ball, troubling, or strange ramifications, such as this one (and why would Trans groups be upset about this? Their weird views about sex and gender are responsible for opening this can of worms in the first place)…

Also way further below, I discuss the apparent hypocrisy of conservatives, including Christian gender complementarians, about their inconsistency of when and where to support motherhood, and I also comment on conservative commentator Tucker Carlson’s sexist attitudes about women having careers.

(Link): Man Legally Changed Gender to Gain Custody of His Kids. Trans Groups Are Concerned. – via VICE:

Excerpts:

René Salinas Ramos says the legal change is an attempt to gain full custody of his daughters, because Ecuadoran law favors mothers in custody battles.

By Nathaniel Janowitz
January 5, 2023

A cisgender man in Ecuador legally changed his gender to female in an attempt to gain custody of his two daughters. But LGBTQ groups are concerned about the man’s use of a law designed to promote transgender rights, and what effect it could have in the future.

René Salinas Ramos, 47, told local media that the change was not related to his sexuality or identity, but rather that the Ecuadorian legal system gives preferable rights to mothers over fathers when it comes to the custody of children.

… “I am very sure of my sexuality. What I have sought is that I want to be a mother, so that I can also give the love and protection of a mother.”

Continue reading “Man Legally Changed Genders to Gain Custody of His Kids; Trans Groups Concerned”

Christian Group Denied Service at Virginia Restaurant Over Religious Views

Christian Group Denied Service at Virginia Restaurant Over Religious Views

(Link): Christian group denied service at Virginia restaurant over religious views

by Andrew Mark Miller
December 11, 2022

The head of a conservative Christian group in Virginia is speaking out after members of her organization were turned away from a restaurant based solely on their religious views.

Victoria Cobb, president of the non-profit Christian lobbying organization Family Foundation of Virginia, told Fox News Digital that several members of her group were scheduled to hold a private event at a side room at Metzger Bar and Butchery in Richmond, Virginia when they received a call an hour and a half before the reservation saying their reservation had been canceled.

The reason given for the cancelation, according to Cobb, was that a member of the staff at the restaurant had looked up the organization’s website, which states that the group advocates “for policies based on Biblical principles that enable families to flourish at the state and local level”, prompting the wait staff to refuse to serve the group.

“It’s alarming and disgraceful that a restaurant has a religious or political litmus test for who gets in the door,” Cobb told Fox News Digital. “I think people will find that very disturbing.”

Continue reading “Christian Group Denied Service at Virginia Restaurant Over Religious Views”

The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin – Why Women Are Still Single in Their 30s and Older

The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin

I’m a conservative, but I’ve been beyond fed up for years now at how so many other conservatives, as well as sexists of whatever variety, assume that the reason why most women are single past the age of 30 is because they chose career before marriage.

Along with that is the other annoying, very wrong, and sexist assumption by men online that all of us women who remain single past the age of 30 had lots and lots of “nice guys” who wanted to date us back in our 20s, but we coldly, cruelly turned them all down.

I don’t know what the hell those men are talking about, because I did not have lots and lots of men asking me out on dates when I was in my twenties.

But it’s simply not true that all women choose career over “marriage and family.”

Why aren’t men giving up careers to be stay at home fathers, taking care of children?

I never cared much one way or the other if I ever had children, but I had wanted to be married. And I’m not single because I “chose career over spouse.”

I have more observations about this essay below:

(Link): The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin

The image of the single, childless “career woman” is drawn so sharply in our minds, so deeply ingrained in culture and overused in media, it obfuscates the real story. Contrary to popular belief, most working women are not putting their careers ahead of love, marriage and motherhood.

Never mind that there are no “career men” — no one accuses a single, childless man of prioritizing career over love and family just because he’s single and can pay the rent.

But women are made to wear this label — though I have yet to meet a woman who has declined a date with a guy she’s interested in because she’d rather be on a Zoom call.

While college-educated women are settling down and having children later than was once the case, the “career woman” is mostly a mid-century myth, an outlier like Mad Men’s Peggy Olson, who belongs to a time when women went to college to earn their “MRS” degree.

Continue reading “The Myth of the Career Woman by M. Notkin – Why Women Are Still Single in Their 30s and Older”

I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz

I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz

I feel for this lady. This man who contacted her on this dating app sounds like a narcissistic, arrogant, entitled douche.

This woman doesn’t strike me as being like the entitled, obese, progressive “body positivity” or “fat acceptance” women who say bizarre things – like dieting is a part of white supremacy – and who demand that thin men date them.

The woman in the story below does appear to be on the large size (there were photos of her on the page), but she doesn’t have an entitled “attitude,” so, IMO, the guy who texted her back was being unnecessarily rude about the whole thing – he’s also a flaming A-hole and someone should kick him in the balls repeatedly for how he thinks about women, and how he treated this particular woman.

Amended this post to add the following observations:
The article says she met this guy on a “Christian” dating app (Plenty of Fish). I want to educate the married Christians out there, who keep hyping “Christian dating sites” to their lonely heart single friends: stop doing it because “Christian dating sites” are also filled with jerks, abusers, and rapists.

Years ago, I was on a few dating web sites, one of which was considered to be “Christian,” and the so-called self professing Christian men on those sites who approached me were gross, their profiles were peppered with inappropriate sexual talk
– I may blog here about sexual topics (and get quite frank about it), but when I’m on a dating site, I don’t want to see sex jokes or smutty humor on a guy’s profile, nor do I openly and frankly discuss sex-related stuff on any of my old dating site profiles, nor did I engage in “smutty” humor talk with any of the men who contacted me (I kept things clean).

There have been news stories in the last ten years of MARRIED Christian men (with HIV and AIDS) who lie and say they’re single and then meet single women on dating sites, some of which are “Christian” dating sites.

There was a serial rapist who said he was a Christian to women he met on dating sites, but once he’d get to know them and then meet them in person, he’d rape them (here’s one post on my blog about that).

So… secular and “Christian” dating sites and dating apps are not guarantees for meeting quality, up-standing, loving men. Meaning, you idiot Christian married couples out there need to stop dishing out the simplistic advice of “Just join Plenty of Fish or eHarmony to get a Christian spouse!” – we singles have tried that, and for a lot of us, those sites have NOT worked.

(Link): I liked a ‘high-value’ man’s photo on a dating app — he rejected me because I’m ‘fat’

Dec 8, 2022
By Adriana Diaz

A plus-size mom claims she was harassed last month by a man on a dating app with self-proclaimed “above average” looks and “high values.”

“It was so ridiculous that it was comical,” Krista Brown told Kennedy News.

Brown, 36, said she downloaded the Christian dating app Plenty of Fish in November after being single for three years. She was unprepared for the cringeworthy communications she said she received from a match who turned out to be a mismatch.

The Minnesota budget support specialist recalled thinking the cyberspace Casanova was “kind of cute” despite his “pathetic mustache.” She claims she swiped right, but didn’t message him. She says the unidentified man reached out to her — in a big way.

“He sent me a whole huge, long paragraph asking why I think I’m worthy of dating him, and what do I bring to the equation? He had a very condescending tone. He was so absolutely ridiculous,” she lamented.

Continue reading “I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz”