Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex

Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex

(Link): Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex – Raw Story Site

(Link):  ANONYMOUS EX-CHRISTIANS OPEN UP ABOUT THEIR DAMAGED SEX LIVES

Excerpts from Raw Story site:

In a confessional piece on The Feed, ex-evangelicals lamented the oppressive influence their faith had on their sex lives and personal relationships with their partners, saying they were haunted by feelings of guilt and shame.

As pointed out by Hemant Mehta at the Friendly Atheist, former fundamentalist Christian Ruby Bisson (Claire) who writes about Christianity at The Gravity of Guilt, has been compiling stories told her by her readers who detailed not only how their deeply-held religious beliefs crippled their sex lives, but the lingering effects after they lost their religion.

According to one anonymous woman, “I can’t orgasm because I can’t relax. I’m literally thinking about hell. It’s been three years since I left Christianity but I can’t shake the thought that a guy who isn’t a Christian just wants me for my bod and I project that insecurity onto him. This is ultimately what ended my only two relationships.”

She then admitted how she tried to make it work.

“I made him pretend he was religious and didn’t want to have sex,” she explained. “I had to convince him it was a good idea. I made him pray at the end of the bed. Through that role play I was able to be the other person and that power allowed me not to freak out.”

Another former Christain said that she spiraled into a world of pornography at the age of 12, that left her secretly living in “shame and self-hatred.”

Continue reading “Ex-Evangelicals Admit Their Religion Killed Their Love Lives: I’m ‘Literally Thinking About Hell’ During Sex”

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

Secular culture would have you believe that men care about looks in women, while women supposedly only care about money or emotional support from a man, and to that I say: FALSE.

Christians, specifically, Christian gender complementarians, ratchet this up to really emphasize the point.

I’ve heard or seen so many male Christian complementarians (and occasionally, a few women complementarians) hype up this supposed idea that God created men to be “visual,” so they will shame and badger women to stay skinny, diet, exercise, and wear make-up all the time.

The truth is, women are every bit as “visual” as men are. Most hetero women dig a hot, sexy man every bit as much as some hetero men appreciate a hot, sexy woman.

However, complementarians will seldom lecture or advise men to lose weight, go to the gym and work out, or get a toupee if they’re balding.

I think the differences is that most women are willing to cut men slack where as the reverse is not true.

I mean, a woman may prefer a hot, studly looking man, but, if you’re tubby, bald, or sort of ugly she might still be willing to date you if you bring “something else to the table” – such as a lot of money, a steady income, a great sense of humor, intelligence, dependability, or what have you.

I think most women are more wiling to take trade-offs in the “looks” and sex appeal department than most men are.

Other than that, most of both sexes prefer people who are easy on the eyes, but this sexist, irritating stereotype that only men care about looks and only women care about romance (or emotions) persists.

Here is an example of a woman who is turned off by her male partner’s baldness:

(Link): Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest

DEAR ABBY:
My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness.

I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: As Boyfriend Loses Hair, I Lose Interest”

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

Ask Amy: Wife Says She Is Turned Off By Husband’s Fat Body and Muffin Top

I am publishing this to disprove one or two common stereotypes among conservative Christians: that women are not interested in sex, and women are not “visually oriented.”

Here we have an example of a woman who is sexually turned off by the sight of her husband’s obese body and muffin top. Women do in fact pay attention to what men look like and DO CARE about what men look like, though I’d have to say women are a lot less strict and picky about the looks.

Women might be willing to date a “so-so” looking man, so long as he compensates in other areas, like, he treats her really well, or he has a great sense of humor.

But women do notice and care about what men look like, and women can and do get turned off by flabby male bodies, receding hairlines, and so on.

Letter to Ask Amy advice columnist (Sept 2016):

Dear Amy:

How do I tell the man in my life that his huge muffin top is a turn off for me? He is more than plump, Amy, he is obese.

He blames his diabetes on the fact that he cannot satisfy me sexually, but I maintain that it is his obesity that is the reason he has diabetes.

I do not want to insult him or cause him any embarrassment, but I need to get across to him that he has to lose at least 30 to 40 pounds. Even his daughter gives him grief about his weight.

Please tell me how to talk to him without hurting his feelings.

— Diabetes


Related Posts:

(Link): Dear Advice Lady: My Boyfriend is a Fattie and I Feel Like His Mom

Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps

Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps

Some parts of these posts tackle subjects I’ve mentioned before on my blog in the past.

(Link):  It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps

(Link): It’s my orgasm, not his [part 2] by J. Kamps

Excerpts from (Link):  It’s my orgasm, not his [part 1] by J. Kamps

Jasmine’s story is an example of Benevolent Sexism. Hostile Sexism is fairly easy to recognise. Benevolent Sexism is sneaky and far more socially pervasive. It parades around wearing a facade of chivalry, making out women to be weaker, lesser, diminished, objectified, by using what are perceived as good manners, male consideration, and role definition.

Benevolent Sexism operates on the fundamental belief that, whether observed in practice or not, there IS a gender hierarchy.

….Benevolent Sexism even uses compliments and praise to disarm and disempower women. “Women are kinder, gentler, naturally more loving. Women are not as strong as men, so they require protection. Women are not as naturally competitive.”

Continue reading “Benevolent Sexism in the Christian Bedroom (Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality) by J. Kamps”

WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This

WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This

This story comes from NewsBusters, which is discussing a column written for Washington Post newspaper by columnist Kristen Page-Kirby about the new Ghostbusters movie.

The original Ghostbusters movie, released in the 1980s, contained four male leads. The reboot version of the movie, which was released July 15, 2016, contains four women leads instead.

Unfortunately, over a year or more ago, when news came out that there would be four women leads in the film, some of the sexist jerkwads who inhabit the internet started lambasting the movie all over You Tube, Twitter, and where ever else – not because the move was bad (it wasn’t even released yet), but because they were incensed that Hollywood was cramming some form of feminism down their throats.

Interestingly, I didn’t see as much backlash over the main character of the new Star Wars film, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” being a woman – Rey.

gbLogo
Ghostbusters Logo

At any rate, I will be discussing two or three different topics in this post that are related to this new film, or mentioned by the conservative essayist at the NewsBusters site.

This is another story where I am in the middle. I can’t say as though I’m completely on one side or another in regards to some aspects of this story, depending on what is under discussion.

I am currently a moderate right-winger (I used to be more to the right than I am currently. In the last few years, I’ve been reconsidering if some of my former political and Christian beliefs are wrong.)

I’ve been more open the last few years to hearing the criticisms and views of liberals and Non-Christians – which is not to say I agree with everything I see left wingers and Non-Christians espousing or arguing in favor of.

I sometimes think secular, liberal feminists have good points on some topics, but I normally disagree with them.

As far as the Ghostbusters film reboot is concerned, I do think some of the backlash against the movie does in fact stem from sexism. But then, I do think some people may honestly feel that the movie is genuinely bad due to having a poor story line, or what have you.

I have not seen the movie yet. I don’t go to movie theaters that much anymore.

I usually wait until movies air on cable television; I’m willing to bet that this Ghostbusters reboot will probably be shown on F/X channel, or SyFy, or some other cable network in the next two years, and I have cable television, so I don’t know if I want to invest my time and cash into driving down to a theater to see this, since it will eventually be on television.

I saw the original Ghostbusters in a movie theater when it was in theaters in the 1980s. I was a kid at the time.

The original was okay, it was quite enjoyable and plenty of fun, but it was no movie masterpiece, so to all the men online who were griping about the reboot featuring all women leads: get the hell over it already.

And yes, you were, or are, being sexist douche bags about it. I don’t buy for a moment that ALL male griping about the film is based on non-sexist reasons, like shoddy trailers, or supposed poor CG work.

The vast majority of the professional reviews (and I have read a ton of them) for the new Ghostbusters film have deemed it “okay.” -Not terrible. Not great. But just “meh.” It’s so-so, most reviews have said.

What I don’t appreciate is that the columnist for WaPo who was discussing male backlash about the movie is using virginity as an insult.

Continue reading “WashPost Columnist: ‘Ghostbusters’ Haters Are ‘Virgin Losers’ – (via NewsBusters Site); Both the Right and Left Wing Get Some things Wrong About This”

Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals

The majority of Christians will disregard this study, because it does not fit their culturally- based gender stereotypes that men are sexual animals and visually oriented while all women are supposedly, basically uninterested in sex and only interested in emotional closeness, weeping at beautiful poetry, and knitting scarves.

It is true: for all their bloviating on how they adhere to “sola scriptura,” many Christians take their secular-cultural based assumptions about women and read them back into the Bible. The Bible no where teaches that “God designed men to be visual” or that “men are more interested in sex than women are.” Christians get those assumptions from their culture or perceived personal experiences – not from the Bible.

(Link): Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show

Excerpts

  • by E. Bernstein
  • Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals
  • Rarely are researchers’ findings so satisfying. Women may want more sex than their husbands or partners think.
  • New research by psychologists at the University of Toronto and the University of Western Ontario, (Link): published earlier this month in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that men in long-term relationships often underestimate how often their wives or girlfriends want to be intimate.
  • The research consists of three studies, following a total of 229 long-term couples, most of whom are heterosexual. (The sample of homosexual couples was too small to be statistically significant, the researchers say.) Participants ranged in age from 18 to 68 years old; the couples had been together six years on average, and they reported they had sex an average of one to two times a week.
  • ….All three studies showed the same thing: Men consistently underestimated their female partner’s desire, while the women had an accurate read on whether or not their partner was interested in sex. And on the days when the men thought their partner was less sexually interested than she actually was, the women reported being more satisfied in and committed to the relationship.

Continue reading “Women Are More Interested In Sex Than You Think, (2016) Studies Show – Men underestimate their wife’s or girlfriend’s sexual desire; read the signals”

We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog

We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog

Someone on my Twitter re-Tweeted a link to the link below.

The e-mail from Gross (that is mentioned at the other blog) also shames and blames women whose husbands are using porn; he actually tells them that their husbands are still owed sex, they should not “put walls up” with their spouse and treat their husbands with suspicion in all areas of their lives, and so on.

Gross’ comments were inappropriate and insensitive to women who find out their husbands are cheating on them by viewing pornography. You can visit this blog below to see those additional comments.

I’d like to add that this also goes to show the the Christian trope that Christian married sex will be hot, steamy, and satisfying is false. Obviously, some Christian men (and married Christian women) are using porn, so they are not being fully sexually satisfied in the sack by their Christian spouse.

Also note that this disproves the Christian myth that married persons are immune from sexual sin. They are not. Married people are not more sexually pure than adult singles.

(Link): We’re All Visual 

Excerpts:

  • I received an email from Craig Gross at XXX Church the other day.  I had not signed up for emails from them.  This is because XXX Church and Craig Gross purchase email address lists to be able to market to the people on them.  Find out more about that (Link): HERE.
  • This uninvited email was telling women how to deal with their husbands’ viewing pornography.  I was horrified and angered by the content that was in the email and took to Twitter to communicate that to Craig Gross.  I shall be spending this blog articulating WHY his email was so dangerous and will by referring t the email, the blog that the email is an excerpt from and my Twitter interaction with him.
  • …Right, let’s get this VISUAL NATURE nonsense.
  • Cordelia Fine’s book “Delusions of Gender” is a must read for anyone who wants to understand the basics of neurobiology.  NOTHING IS HARDWIRED IN THE BRAIN.  The last ten years has seen neuroscience reject the idea of hardwiring in the brain.  The most recent science states that NEUROPLASTICITY (http://www.whatisneuroplasticity.com) is how the brain works.
  • The frontal cortex of the brain (the bit which deals with cognition) only really begins to develop after birth.  This means that almost everything brain based is malleable according to context and socialisation.
  • It is not in men’s “nature” to be visual, it is in their socialisation.

Continue reading “We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog”

Christian Publisher: ‘Women are Losing their Salvation Because They Masturbate’

Christian Publisher: ‘Women are Losing their Salvation Because They Masturbate’

The chuckle-head espousing this view specifically cites the use of sex toys in his equation. I’m not sure if he realizes that women do not need to use any sex toys to masturbate.

I can’t figure out if this guy is against all female masturbation per se, or only women using sex toys on themselves, or what.

The Bible doesn’t even discuss masturbation (no, the story about Onan in the Old Testament is not about masturbation – it was about a guy’s failure to fulfill familial duties).

The Bible doesn’t say anything about masturbation forfeiting a person’s salvation. Even if a person wants to consider masturbation a sin, adultery, fornication and other sexual sins do not forfeit a person’s salvation, either. The Bible says God will forgive those sexual sins.

I sometimes wonder what these types of Christians expect randy, unmarried Christians to do – the ones who do experience strong sexual desire.

These types of wacko Christians – the ones who think masturbation is satanic – tell you (adult single) that you should not have sex with another person, but then they also tell you not to masturbate, either.

And so, how are randy Christian singles supposed to get that itch scratched, exactly? People are staying single longer than they were decades ago. Meditating on Jesus or singing a hymn or some Bible reading is not going to work.

The only positive take away I can leave with here is that this guy, as wacked as he is, at least realizes that Christian women experience sexual desire. Most Christians pretend as though most women (especially married ones) totally lack a libido.

In Christian-Land, only men are “visually stimulated” and want sex and experience sexual desire. Meanwhile, women in Christian-Land are mistakenly assumed to only care about emotional needs and only want to pursue non-sexual hobbies, like knitting scarves.

(Link):  Christian Author Mack Major Says Female Masturbation Is ‘Direct Path To Satan’ – Huffington Post

(Link): Christian Publisher: ‘Women are losing their Salvation because they Masturbate’ by D. Edwards

  • Christian author and publisher Mack Major warned over the weekend that “Christian women are losing their salvation” by using dildos, which he called a “direct path to Satan.”

Continue reading “Christian Publisher: ‘Women are Losing their Salvation Because They Masturbate’”

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men

I’m only copying one point off the page.

What this excerpt discusses from a secular view is similar to what occurs in Christianity: many Christians also believe that all men are randy horn dogs who want sex 24/7, but, they also believe and teach that women (especially married ones) hate sex and have to be convinced or shamed into having more sex.

I’ve posted links to news stories and studies before that mention that women want sex just as much as men. One headline I have on my blog that I saw in the news was something like, “Women’s sex appetite rivals men’s, when they think nobody is judging.”

See, in American society, if a woman is sexual or admits to wanting or liking sex, she will often be thought of as a slut. This happens both within and out the church – secular culture is kind of like this, too. Though it seems secular culture is a little more open to the idea of women wanting sex or having sex than Christian culture is.

Anyway, the cultural mores are such that even if a woman really enjoys sex, wants sex, she will be hesitant to act like it or admit it for fear of getting the “slut” label by other people or by her church. I don’t think that’s something that people often consider, especially not conservative Christians.

(Link): Here are 5 stupid, unfair and sexist things expected of men

Excerpts:

  • … But we don’t talk as much about how sexism hurts men. Understandably. When you look at the grotesque ways women are damaged by sexism—from economic inequality to political disenfranchisement to literal, physical abuse—it makes perfect sense that we’d care more about how sexism, patriarchy and rigid gender roles affect women than we do about how they affect men.
  • But men undoubtedly get screwed up by this stuff, too. Not screwed up as badly as women, to be sure… but not trivially, either.
  • [Sexist Things Expected of Men]
  • 3. Be hot to trot. Always. With anybody.
  • This is another expectation that came up with striking (although hardly surprising) frequency.
  • Men are supposed to want sex — and be ready for sex — all the time.
  • With pretty much anyone of the right gender who makes themselves available for it.

Continue reading “Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina”

Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

One thing the author of this page brings up is something I have as well: women are just as visually oriented as men are and do care about what men look like. However, women are conditioned by secular society and religious groups to think they should not care about a man’s physical attractiveness.

Women are conditioned to look past a man’s ugliness to consider his other traits – is he smart, financially stable, and so on.

Now, I do think some people are in fact way too judgmental or picky regarding physical appearance in dating or whom to marry.

But, on the other hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to date or marry someone you consider attractive. I don’t think people of either gender should be super picky about looks, but it’s okay to have some preferences or standards.

The woman who wrote this says she caught some guy she knew lying in his dating site profile – he was 35 years old but claimed on his dating profile he is 25 or 30 years old. She asked him why he lied about his age.

He claims it’s because he wants to start a family and a woman in her 20s is guaranteed to be fertile.

First of all, women in their 40s (and 30s) still menstruate and get pregnant, so you don’t need to marry a 20 something to have babies. Some women in their 20s are childfree or infertile.

Secondly, as I noted before, I advised single women who read this blog to lie on their dating site profiles about their ages, to make themselves younger than they are.

As so many men are this very shallow and particular about age in a woman (many of them have a cut off age of 29, while for others, it’s about 35), go ahead and cite yourself as being 20 or 30 something on your profile if you are over 40 and want dates.

The worst thing that will happen once the guy gets to know you after he meets you via a dating site is that he will decide to stop dating you. Big whoop.

I have seen or read about a lot of men ages 45 and older who lie about their ages on dating sites. I’ve had guys who are obviously 65 or older (they have all white hair) who contact me on dating sites, who claim to be 41 or 42 years old. Men lie out the ass about their ages (and their height, according to other women) all the time on these sites.

(Link):  Liberated Shmiberated!: Women are Still Being Told to Lower Their Standards (& it’s messed up!) by S. H. Weiss

Excerpts:

  • February 2016
  • …It is Traister’s message that I would like to share with the women I have spoken with lately, women who feel they need to defend themselves to others about why they are not married, why they are not “just settling down already” and why they are “being too picky.”
  • The women I speak of range from early 30s to early 40s. Some of them have never been married, while others were married briefly. A third of them are divorced and have children. The one thing these friends have in common is that they all say that are not “single by choice.” They express the desire to find their perfect life partner.
  • ..However, there are Yentas everywhere, some well-intentioned and others questionably motivated. This is especially true for those who are part of a tight-knit or religious community (ranging from the Mormons to the Modern Orthodox Jewish).

Continue reading “Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss”

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

Here is a long excerpt from the review:

(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

  • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
  • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

    Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

    With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

    They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

    … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

    … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

    Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

Even though the details of my life and situation are different, I sure did relate to this lady’s story.

My eye brow did raise at one or two points of this essay, such as her claim that people at her church encouraged her to get an abortion when she became pregnant out of wedlock, and from the way she discusses her church, they sound pretty conservative and legalistic.

Perhaps she is telling the truth and that really did happen, it’s just that most conservative Christians are pro-life, not pro-choice, so I am having a hard time picturing any of them advising a pregnant woman to get an abortion.

With possibly a few wacko Protestant church exceptions, (Link): like this one, where the church’s preacher allegedly encouraged the women members to get abortions. But then, of course, there is information such as this: (Link): 2015 Poll: 70% of American Women Who Have Abortions Identify As Christian

By and large, though, most churches are pro-life, not pro-choice.

At one point in this essay, Sheehan says that although she and her male friend were not having sex, that due to being constantly suspected and accused of having sex by Christians at her church, is actually what in large measure drove her and her boyfriend to become sexually active with one another.

Major irony there. Or maybe not…

As I have said time and again at my blog, most Christians, just like secular culture, just blindly assumes that celibacy is impossible for anyone over the age of 25 or so, and that it is impossible for men and women to be platonic friends.

It is entirely possible for men and women to remain friends, and it is entirely possible for an adult to stay celibate for months or years at a time.

I have also explained before, in previous posts, that one reason there is so much fornication among Christian singles is precisely because most Christians have such low expectations: they expect that single adults will, or have, had sex outside of marriage. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy quite often.

The couple discussed in this post were expected, assumed to be, and suspected by their fellow congregants of sleeping together; this couple got tired of being falsely accused, so they figured, well, we might as well have sex, since everyone is already assuming we are and harassing us over it.

I also notice that one reason this woman’s husband, who was a Christian at one time, but is now an atheist or agnostic, began losing his faith over how miserably his grief (over the death of his father) was mishandled by Christians.

Oh yes, I relate: after my family member’s passing a few years ago, rather than receiving love, empathy, and encouragement from Christians in my family or churches I went to, I instead received judgment, criticism, platitudes, or indifference. This in turn is one of several things that caused me to partially leave the Christian faith.

One of a few things that caused Sheehan to leave the faith is over how one church she attended mishandled her abusive marriage – her priest told her to stay with the abusive husband.

This advice is also usually given in Baptist or Protestant situations. Christians often put keeping an (abusive) marriage before the welfare of the two persons who comprise the marriage.

Abused wives are usually instructed to stay with the abusive spouse and submit to the abuser more, or just pray about things. None of this resolves the situation but actually prolongs it.

I am not surprised in light of all the insensitive treatment that she and her husband endured at the hands of other believers, that they both developed major doubts about Christianity and walked away from it.

There were a few supportive comments to the woman who wrote this, in the comments area under the essay, but there were also a lot of hateful, judgmental, or naive posts left to her by Christians.

There were also a few annoying posts by atheists who were just there to say “all religion is idiotic, there is no God” to any of the well-meaning, yet naive Christians who were telling her to hold on to the faith, in spite of the Christians who had been mean to her at her prior churches.

Honestly, I wish those types of atheists would refrain from posting under articles like this one by Sheehan. I find their opportunistic, anti-theism drivel and rants to be about as bad as the nasty posts by the Christians who scolded Sheehan for leaving Christianity.

(Link): Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted 

  • Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan
  • My family has always been part of the Catholic Church, including being actively involved in fighting for those beliefs in Ireland and France through the centuries. It is all I knew and I never imagined a life without it. Even in today’s permissive society, divorce is still a huge don’t in the Catholic Church.

    When my priest advised me to stay in an abusive marriage rather than lose access to the Catholic religion, I stayed — until my husband left me for one of the many women he had been seeing.

    I went back to my priest for help but instead found myself without a church.

    Confused and directionless, I ended up seeking help at a Word of Faith Christian Church in Texas.

    Although the church and I both believed in Jesus, the similarities ended there. Everything was so different from what I had grown up with, it made the transition very difficult.

    They kept trying to break down my identity by using scripture to suggest that everything about me, from Catholicism to my Irish culture, was evil and against God. It was like going through spiritual boot camp as they attempted to rebuild me into a person that could gain access to heaven.

    During my time there, I met my current husband. He was also having a tough time as his father had died suddenly the year before, causing him to question the church he had been raised in and even the existence of God due to how they handled his grief.

    We became really good friends who spent hours talking as we each struggled with our sheltered worlds collapsing around us, no matter how hard we tried to fight to keep the walls intact.

    The damage in our lives, caused by blind devotion to a religion, forced us to question all the truths we had been raised to believe.

    Continue reading “Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan”

Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

The letter is much farther below. I wanted to comment on it first.

Here is the set up:

A friend of a divorced guy wrote to Hax, an advice columnist.

 I’m not sure if this friend is a man or woman; let’s just assume it’s a man for my post.

My interest in this letter is not in the advice aspect: friend is upset because divorced guy keeps asking him for advice but then gets offended and explodes in anger when Friend gives him advice.

My interest in this letter pertains to two or three other facets:

The letter writing friend says his divorced friend is age mid-40s, while the wife who dumped him was in her early 30s.

I am (Link): not a  believer in “May December” relationships, for starters.

A mid- 40s guy should be dating women who are age early- to- late 40s, not an early- 30s woman.

And what in the hey is the age early- 30s woman doing even considering dating some dude who is 14, 15 years her senior?

This is something I have pondered since thinking about dating again: the rebound issue. There is no way I’d date a guy who was divorced (or widowed) for only two years, or less.

If you date a guy who just divorced (or his wife died) two weeks ago, or six months ago, he is not ready for a serious relationship – he’s not even ready for a healthy, casual, fun one.

Continue reading “Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships”

Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)

Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)

A lot of Christians like to tell folks if they just hold off on sex until marriage, that the sex will be frequent and the best ever.

But then you see these letters or blog posts by married people who complain that the sex is terrible or is not happening at all. In some of these situations, the partner that wants sex will have an affair because the spouse with a low libido or sexual dysfunction is not putting out.

Christians need to stop promising singles that if they are chaste, they will have great and regular sex when they marry, and they need to continually remind married couples that celibacy is for married couples too – in a case where the husband lacks a sex drive, this does not give the wife the right to seek sex outside of marriage (or vice versa).

But too often, Christians just assume that the only persons who need to hear sermons and reminders about being sexually pure are singles. Wrong!

Note also that the woman writing this letter wants to have sex. She misses sex. Too often in secular and Christian culture, men are depicted as being randy horn dogs who always want to have sex, while married women are depicted as hating sex and not wanting it. The fact is a lot of women want sex and enjoy it. Sex isn’t for men only.

Here is the letter to Hax:

December 2015

Dear Carolyn (Hax):

  • I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, married 10. We were friends at first, and it grew into a mutual love. Generally we’re great.
  • The not-so-great part is that he stopped wanting sex, and it has been a source of contention for a few years now.

Continue reading “Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)”

Patriarchy vs. Single Women in the Bible by B. and T. Jennings

Patriarchy vs. Single Women in the Bible by B. and T. Jennings

(Link): Patriarchy vs. Single Women in the Bible by B. and T. Jennings

This page I am linking to and excerpting below is critiquing one that was arguing that single women should stay at home.

The authors are addressing the author of the other page, a woman who explains she is still living at home and not going to college because she believed she was following biblical teachings for women.

Excerpts:

  • A response to an article regarding the reasons as to why a young Christian girl was not in college, but instead was staying under her father till marriage

Continue reading “Patriarchy vs. Single Women in the Bible by B. and T. Jennings”

Secular, Left Wing Feminist Site That Is Against Slut Shaming But For Casual Sex Publishes Article That Inadvertently Makes A Case Against Casual Sex

Secular, Left Wing Feminist Site That Is Against Slut Shaming But For Casual Sex Publishes Article That Inadvertently Makes A Case Against Casual Sex

(Language warning: Please note the article I excerpt farther below contains the “F” word a few times)

I sometimes think left wing, secular feminists suffer from cognitive dissonance.

The site “Jezebel” is a left wing, secular, feminist site. I find myself agreeing with some of their essays about dating, sex, or women, but not often. This is one of those essays I’m not sure I’m agreeing with, or I’m seeing some odd presuppositions to it.

I saw this essay on their site, which asks how can society (or women) make casual sex better for women, when the entire essay reads to me as reasons as to why maybe women should refrain from casual sex altogether, or strongly reconsider it.

The essay outlines other articles, books, studies, or polls which say things like most women do not achieve orgasm in casual sex, most women do not orgasm from penis in vagina (intercourse) action, and that many men who are engaging in casual sex with a woman do not care if the woman orgasms or not (the men only care if they get off).

I may be overlooking other cogent points the essay made, other negative ramifications of having casual sex, but those are just a few that make casual sex sound very unappealing.

Here is a link to the Jezebel page:

(Link):  How Can We Make Casual Sex Better For Women? by Tracy Moore

Some excerpts from that page follow below – and please note, these excerpts from the page make it sound like women should really reconsider casual sex, though the author is framing this as asking, “how can we, as women, retool this entire enterprise to make it work for us, and not just work for men”?

Celibacy is in fact an option every woman has. (Feminists never consider celibacy an option; neither do others in society.)

But then, masturbation is another option these women can consider. You don’t need a guy to have an orgasm.

Excerpts:

  • Anyone woman has embarked on a first-time hookup with a man knows the following: it can be terrible, just OK, or great, but it’s highly unlikely you will get off. Is this a fixed truth of casual sex, or is there something we can do to change it?
  • While we may be experiencing some of the most laid-back attitudes toward sex in history, that doesn’t seem to have changed much on the sexual satisfaction front, at least for women. In other words, if an increasingly celebratory attitude toward the act as something both innately good and no big deal has finally trickled down to most of us, then why hasn’t the sex itself improved?
  • That is, in part, the argument Alana Massey presents in a Guardian essay in defense of “sex blahsitivity.” It rhymes with sex positivity; only it promotes a woman’s right to not be that into sex, because sex, particularly casual sex, is often not worth the trouble.

Continue reading “Secular, Left Wing Feminist Site That Is Against Slut Shaming But For Casual Sex Publishes Article That Inadvertently Makes A Case Against Casual Sex”

Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

Good for her. I don’t have the heart to read the comments on the page  (on the Daily Mail site), however. If they are supportive of her, that would be great, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a large number mock and ridicule her for her choice.

I’m still trying to understand how it is most Western nations and cultures tolerate, or beg tolerance, for about any and all expressions of sexual behavior and sexual choices except for celibacy, virginity, or more conservative sexual behaviors.

Sex does mean a little more to some of us than the rest of society.

I think it’s rather sad we are living in such a hyper sexualized world that someone who is either a virgin, a celibate, or just wants to wait for sex, is considered an oddity or a weirdo.

The main link in this post is to a page on the Daily Mail, but they got their story idea from this page at Cosmo:

(Link):  Don’t Judge Me Because I Wait to Have Sex by S. Weiss

  • Women should not be judged for sleeping with people quickly, but they shouldn’t be judged for waiting either

(Link): Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘for Fun’ – Daily Mail

Excerpts:

Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, tried casual sex in college but craved emotional and intellectual stimulation, too

She doesn’t fault other women for having casual sex, but says intimacy is more fulfilling for her after she gets close with a man

The longest she’s gone before sleeping with a boyfriend is ten months, and she insists the guys she meets are all on-board with her pace 

By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM

|

One 25-year-old woman says the reason that she isn’t quick to hop into bed with a new guy isn’t because she’s a virgin, or religious, or a prude. It’s because – call her old fashioned – she wants more than just sex.

Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, is totally open to talking about sex and wants women’s sexuality to be destigmatized. She just isn’t look for a hook-up.

‘I don’t believe that sex is just for fun,’ she wrote in an essay for (Link): Cosmopolitan.com. ‘For me, at least, it’s spiritual, it’s emotional, and it’s a chance to get closer to someone. And developing a physical relationship before I’m close to someone can confuse matters, making me see my partner through rose-colored glasses and feel committed before I should.’

Continue reading “Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait”

Ashley Madison Proves Women Aren’t Interested in Casual Sex by N S Riley – a brief critique of this editorial

Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex by N S Riley

There may be some portions of this editorial I agree with, but there was a point or two where I don’t agree with the author, or I at least disagree slightly:

(Link): Ashley Madison proves women aren’t interested in casual sex – on The New York Post, by N S Riley

As to this excerpt:

  • Feminists remain convinced that if only our “gender norms” were different and there weren’t such a “double standard,” that women could enjoy casual sex the way men can.

I recently did another blog post awhile back which proclaims:

So you can read that later and come to your own conclusions.

I am not a feminist.

I do believe in equal rights for women, but the word “feminist” has so much baggage associated with it, I don’t like to use it to describe myself.

Most often, the word is associated with pro-choice, far left liberals who vote Democrat.

I myself am right wing, pro-life, and generally vote Republican when I do vote. Secular feminists are usually left wing and despise right wing women such as myself, so I don’t feel comfortable using the word “feminist” to describe myself.

I do on occasion agree with some secular feminists on some topics, but I find myself disagreeing with them quite a bit.

As to the point that men supposedly want sex more often and with more partners than women do,  or want casual sex more than women do, there is this link:

One of the things I think is dangerous about other conservatives (I am a conservative myself) bashing feminists and liberals on these points is that it actually makes men less accountable for their actions.

I believe the Bible and common sense dictates that people are perfectly capable of self control, and this includes the area of sexual behavior, and this includes men.

For my fellow conservatives to keep running around saying men are more prone to affairs, or that they want sex more, or what have you, is to perpetuate some notions that harm men and women.

We can see in very far right wing expressions of Christianity, such as branches that practices patriarchy or Quivering, that male sexual sins (including things as serious as child molestation, as in the case of Josh Duggar), is often watered down, and the male is excused for his sin, while the girl or women victims are blamed for having been raped or molested, because they supposedly did not dress “modestly enough,” or what have you.

I thought Christians and fellow conservatives were supposed to support the concept of personal responsibility, but in the area of male sexual sin, they usually do not. Their tendency is instead to be hypocritical and hold women and girls responsible for being raped, leered at, cat called, or molested by men.

Continue reading “Ashley Madison Proves Women Aren’t Interested in Casual Sex by N S Riley – a brief critique of this editorial”

Flibanserin Sparks Debate About Women And Sexuality

Flibanserin Sparks Debate About Women And Sexuality

This is a very long article. I do not want to copy all or even most of it to my blog, so please see the link to visit their site to read the whole thing, if the headline or excerpt look interesting to you:

(Link):  Flibanserin Sparks Debate About Women And Sexuality 

  • Will the FDA’s support of a female libido pill stall efforts to revolutionize how we think of female desire?
  • Some critics argue that the emphasis on pharmaceuticals to solve women’s sexual problems is a result of projecting a male model of spontaneous desire onto women. “We tend to think that male desire and female desire should sort of look the same,” said Ian Kerner, an author and sex therapist who frequently sees women with complaints of low desire.

Continue reading “Flibanserin Sparks Debate About Women And Sexuality”

Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics

Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics

If I find more examples in the future, I will edit this post to add them.

———————————————————

The last few days, my Twitter feed has exploded with many links, photos, and comments about the Josh Duggar scandal and how TVC (the Village Church) is mis-handling the annulment of a woman from one of their pedophile members. I’ve blogged about both stories previously.

Here are the previous blog posts:

In the midst of checking out these links and stories about Duggar and TVC, I have seen many links and things posted about marriage, divorce, and domestic abuse and pedophilia, as well as the typical conservative Christian reaction to these issues.

There is a small but out-spoken conservative Christian minority (and I think some of the posters are moderates or progressives) who are stridently opposed to abuse of all forms and feel that churches are totally blowing it concerning how they deal with abuse among Christians.

The Christians who “get it” have been re-tweeting comments from the Christians who do not appreciate the seriousness of abuse, who are cavalier or flippant about abuse, or who minimize abuse by making comments such as “we are all sinners” or “we all deserve grace.”

Here in this post, I would like to start a collection of these things. I may in the future come back to edit this post to add the tweets, comments, and photos as I find them.

Continue reading “Marriage Made Into An Idol by Christians, Christians Who Believe Christian Men Are All Potential Rapists – Examples of these and other Topics”