Gender Complementarian book by David Murrow that upholds most every gender stereotype I rail against on this blog

Gender Complementarian book that upholds most every gender stereotype I rail against on this blog
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Reminder: there is coming a time I will not be blogging here at all, or not nearly as often. Please read more about that situation here: [Blog Break]
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This other blog discusses Christian gender complementarianism and covers some of the same topics I discuss on this blog. Here is a review the blogger did about a gender comp book by Murrow:

(Link): “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You”: Is this book telling women the truth about men?

Excerpts:

    In his book entitled, “What Your Husband Isn’t Telling You,” David Murrow makes a number generalizations about men. He seems to believe that his view of what it means to be a man is normative, healthy and Christian. He writes as if men are simply “wired this way” by God.

    Here are some of his assertions, followed by my responses:

    Murrow (makes a number of comments about sex):

    … “Men actually get a cocaine-like shot of pleasure from looking at a beautiful woman. So here’s your assignment: Give your husband as many cocaine shots as possible. Satisfy his addiction by looking your best” (pp. 163-164).

    “And why are looks so important to men?” “Men compare. Men compete. Men size each other up by their spouses” (p. 164). “Having a knockout wife raises your social standing at work, among your relatives, and even a bit at church” (p. 165).

    Response:

    Women are not responsible for their husbands’ behaviour.

    … If he has married his wife because he believes her beauty enhances his social standing at church (or anywhere else), he should seek to understand his worth as a loved child of God and friend of Jesus Christ.

I would encourage you to visit that blog and read the ENTIRE post, click here.

This Murrow guy expends a lot of time and effort blaming women for why their husbands cheat. He puts all responsibility on the woman to stay physically attractive and hot-looking to keep their husbands from looking at porn or from having affairs. First of all, it’s not a woman’s responsibility to keep her man from straying – it’s his own duty.

Secondly, a woman being hot, attractive, sexy, and babelicious does not keep a man from straying, witness all the famous movie star men, sports stars, and male rock singers who get married to stunning model beauties but who have affairs on those wives anyway (see: golfer Tiger Woods).

If you find yourself married to a partner who has let him or herself go, and she/he refuses to get in shape or make an effort at his appearance after you’ve talked to them about it, consider divorce… don’t have an affair or wank off to porn all day.

If a man is that terribly hung up about what his wife looks like, that indicates he is very immature. This disproves the Christian notion, believed and taught by some Christians, that God only grants a spouse to people who are fully deserving of one (e.g., godly, humble, self-less, etc).

Other good posts at that other blog include:

From EQUALITY FOR WOMEN AND MEN IN THE CHRISTIAN FAITH Blog:

(Link): Why Complementarians “See” Male Leadership as God’s Design: The Psychology of Perception (Seeing What We Already Believe)

I like the title of this blog post, because it gets to the heart of the matter – Christians who are into gender complementarianism claim that women are equal to men, but their views and teachings on women totally belie that claim, because they spend their time rationalizing their sexist views (e.g., women cannot or should not lead or teach men, or husbands have authority over wives, etc):
(Link): Rationalizing Inequality

(Link): Is Mutual Submission Really a Myth?
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link): How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even Celebrities Have A Hard Time (Good Looks and Lots of Money are NOT guarantees you can get a spouse or even dates) (part 1)

(Link): Part 2 – Following the Usual Advice Won’t Get You Dates or Married – Even CHRISTIAN Celebrities Have A Hard Time

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): Groundbreaking News: Women Like Sex (part 1, 2) (articles)

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

(Link): Pat Robertson to married woman: All men are cheaters and sex crazed horn dogs, but that’s okay because they’re men

(Link): Pat Robertson raises the old canard about females dressing modestly and males supposedly being visually oriented

(Link): Advocate of Family Values Doesn’t Uphold Family Values | Stop Asking Pat Robertson for Advice America!

(Link): Do men really have higher sex drives than women? (article/study)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Some Christian Women Use Pornography – No Duh. I’ve been saying this all along.

(Link): The Secret Women’s Porn Problem (article about Christian women who use porn)

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)

(Link): Letter to Advice Columnist: Husband Upset That Wife Masturbates – Marriage Doesn’t Guarantee Hot Regular Sex For Both or Either Partner, Contra Usual Christian Claims

(Link): Yes, Some Women Use and Look at Pornography

(Link): New Study Released: Cheaters: More American Married Women Admit to Adultery (links)

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

Why Susan Patton Is Wrong About College Women and Marriage by S. Atteberry

Why Susan Patton Is Wrong About College Women and Marriage by S. Atteberry

(Link): Why Susan Patton Is Wrong About College Women & Marriage

Excerpt:

    by S. Atteberry

    Susan Patton would be vastly disappointed with me. The mom of two Princeton sons, whose letter to Princeton and now an editorial in the Wall Street Journal telling women in college to marry while there before all of the good fish in the sea are gone, does not want to hear how I didn’t even meet my husband until I was 28, and then I didn’t bother to marry him for another eight years.

    ….There is also one other huge problem with Patton’s article. She’s wrong. Women with college educations are more likely to be married by 40 than woman without college degrees, whether these women married in college or not.

    … I also have theological concerns about Patton’s views on women, men, and marriage. The biggest concern is one I have talked about over and over on this website, and it comes straight from Christian conservative circles as well: it’s the belief that a woman’s primary purpose in life is to marry and have children, and everything else in life should be subsumed under those two roles.

    …You will never hear any of these conservatives say that a man’s primary responsibility in life is to be a husband and father to the exclusion of everything else because it is not good for a man to be alone. Just because human beings are created for companionship does not mean that one relationship and family unit should override everything else.

    … I’m not saying marriage and parenthood are not vital roles in life or are not needed. I’m happily married. I have to say it’s one of my favorite sacraments. I’m just saying it’s not the be all and end all of life for women, and we need to stop talking about it that way.

((( click here to read the rest )))
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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language (How churches exclude singles and the childless) by E A Dause

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling?

Excerpt:

    by Marcia Wolf

Does every woman in the church need to be married with children in order to lead a happy, fulfilling life?

Certainly not.

But many single women may feel pressure to comply with what the church often upholds as an ideal state of womanhood.

Kate Wallace is a single woman with a budding career as cofounder of the Junia Project, an organization that advocates for women in leadership at all levels of the church.

A devout Christian, Wallace believes the church tends to overlook single women in favor of married women with kids.

Continue reading “Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother”

Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids

Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids

Oh noes.

Preachers Mark Driscoll and Owen Strachan and other block-headed “gender complementarians” won’t like this news at all, because they measure manhood by standards set by television situation comedies and Hollywood – tough, macho guy image, a la John Wayne, or clean-cut Joe Cool who works a 9 to 5 while the little lady stays at home vacuuming the floor while wearing pearls – rather than by the Bible.

(Link): Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids

    Biggest increase among those caring for family

    by GRETCHEN LIVINGSTON

    The number of fathers who do not work outside the home has risen markedly in recent years, up to 2 million in 2012.1 High unemployment rates around the time of the Great Recession contributed to the recent increases, but the biggest contributor to long-term growth in these “stay-at-home fathers” is the rising number of fathers who are at home primarily to care for their family.

    The number of fathers who are at home with their children for any reason has nearly doubled since 1989, when 1.1 million were in this category.2

    It reached its highest point—2.2 million—in 2010, just after the official end of the recession, which spanned from 2007 to 2009. Since that time, the number has fallen slightly, driven mainly by declines in unemployment, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of U.S. Census Bureau data.3

    While most stay-at-home parents are mothers, fathers represent a growing share of all at-home parents – 16% in 2012, up from 10% in 1989. Roughly a quarter of these stay-at-home fathers (23%) report that they are home mainly because they cannot find a job.

    Continue reading “Growing Number of Dads Home with the Kids”

New Study (2014) Says Women More Stressed By Home Than Work

New Study (2014) Says Women More Stressed By Home Than Work

But so many Christians portray stay at home wife and motherhood as being bliss for women. Come to find out, women don’t always enjoy being SAHMs.

(Link): Why You’re More Stressed by Home Than Work

Excerpt:

    by Belinda Luscombe
    May 22, 2014

    A new study out from the Council on Contemporary Families suggests that contrary to most surveys, people are actually more stressed at home than at work.

    Three Penn State researchers measured people’s cortisol, which is a stress marker, while they were at work and while they were at home and found it higher at what is supposed to be a place of refuge.

    “Further contradicting conventional wisdom, we found that women as well as men have lower levels of stress at work than at home” writes one of the authors, Sarah Damaske, assistant professor of labor and employment relations, sociology and women’s studies at Penn State (the italics are hers).

    In fact women even say they feel better at work, she notes. “It is men, not women, who report being happier at home than at work.”

    Another surprise is that the findings hold true, says Damaske, for both those with children and without, but more so for nonparents. This is why, the authors conclude, people who work outside the home have better health.

    What the study doesn’t measure is whether people are still doing work when they’re at home, whether it’s household work or work brought home from the office. For many men, the end of the workday is a time to kick back. For women who stay home, they never get to leave the office.

    And for women who work outside the home, they often are playing catch up with household tasks.

    With the blurring of roles, and the fact that the home front lags well behind the workplace in making adjustments for working women, it’s not surprising that women are more stressed at home.

    But it’s not just a gender thing. At work, people pretty much know what they’re supposed to be doing: working, earning money, doing the tasks they have to do in order to draw an income.

    The bargain is very pure: employee puts in hours of physical or mental labor and employee draws out life-sustaining moola.

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Related posts:

(Link): The Changing American Family (article)

(Link): The Jetson Fallacy – Much longer lifespans could explode the nuclear family (article)

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): 5 Scientifically Proven Reasons It’s Better To Be Single

(Link): More single dads than ever head US households

(Link): Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts – and about Christian culture and divorce and remarriage vs singleness

(Link): (Articles) Marriage Rate At All Time Low

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

(Link) Family Is Not a Norman Rockwell Painting, Christians: Man kept dead mom in freezer for 3 years, cashed her Social Security checks: cops

Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, Or Dealing With An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult or Young Children to Murder, Abortion, Miscarriages, or Sickness (links)

Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult Children to Murder or Sickness (links)

Disclaimer: I am not anti-motherhood, nor necessarily against people taking their mothers out to brunch on Mother’s Day, or buying dear old Mom some flowers to mark the occasion.

I am, however, against the excessive focus on motherhood, the failure to acknowledge and celebrate childless and childfree women, the onslaught of syrupy Mother’s Day hoopla, on and before the day, and the church services that honor mothers because:

  • Some people (women included) were abused by their mothers and so find the holiday awkward or painful,
  • some people had or have mothers who are/were cruel or overly-critical,
  • some people’s mothers are dead and they miss them terribly,
  • some women desire to be a mother but cannot because they are infertile, their spouse is infertile, or they are single and cannot find “Mr. Right” (and don’t believe in getting pregnant outside of marriage, or don’t feel they could support a baby alone)
  • some women choose to be child free, but feel excluded or shamed by church and secular staggering emphasis on motherhood on the holiday

Some Christians have turned motherhood (as well as fatherhood and marriage) into idols, which they should repent of.

That is one reason why churches are losing visitors and members: despite the fact that 44% of American adults are single (edit: as of 2014 studies, (Link): that figure is now 51% or greater) and a big chunk are childless, most churches either…

– IGNORE adult singles/ childless adults,
or,
-preachers and Christian talking heads insult adult singleness and adult virginity from their blogs, pod casts, books, organizations, and pulpits, by implying or forth rightly saying, that adult singleness (or being childless) makes a person stunted, or makes a person not as “godly” as being married with kids.

Now, why the hell does anyone suppose I, a never-married celibate woman, would want to attend a church where I am insulted before I ever step foot in it?

Most churches spend mountains of money on “family” ministries, family dinners, programs for youth and married couples.

Most churches and denominations do not budget time or money for adult singles anything – not classes, social functions, dinners. The big message from that is, “At our church, we don’t care about adult singles or those without children. You have to be married with a kid to count here.”

If you are a church that has a “Mother’s Day” celebration or ceremony of some sort, even if it’s very brief, you should also have one the following Sunday for all the childless, never-married women, the child free women, and infertile- but- married women too, or women who have not been able to carry a baby to term (ie, miscarry) – it’s only fair.

If you are unwilling to honor ALL women in ALL situations, ages, and life stages, at one time or another during the year in your church, nobody should get a holiday or party, none, nope, nuh-uh.

This post discusses being single and childless or childfree on Mother’s day, or other circumstances that make Mother’s Day painful for some women.

—–THE LINKS—–

(Link): For the childless this Mother’s Day (and those who love them) by S. Burden

(Link): When Mother’s Day isn’t so rosy: 6 recommended ways to cope

Excerpt

    Happy Not-A-Mother’s Day to every woman who might be reading this and does not have children. This coming Sunday, it will be Mother’s Day yet again.

  • More than likely the author of this article will attend church services with her husband and quite a few children will be passing out flowers for each of the mothers in attendance. When one of them reaches her and starts to place a beautiful blossom in her hand, she will gently refuse but thank him or her anyway.
  • The child may become confused but that will just have to be.
  • He or she does need to learn that not all the adult women that are in attendance for church are mothers.
  • The author is in her very early 40’s, an adult, and a wife but she is not anyone’s mother. For as long as the Earth has existed, the persistent ticking of most women’s biological clocks have equated their lives with one purpose only and that has been to have children.
  • However in today’s society, great numbers of married women have decided not to have them.
  • Happily the writer of this article was lucky enough to have been born at a time in history where such a choice was accepted with women, and also to luck out and find a husband who felt the same way she did about children.

(Link): ‘Childless’ or ‘Childfree’: The Difference Matters

Excerpts

    Here’s the problem: While “childless” means the condition of being without children, it implies that everyone who does not have children would like to have them. However, being “childfree,” like Mirren—and like me—means that one does not want to have children at all.
  • ….The taboo that surrounds women without children, childless or childfree, is potent.
  • We spend a lot of time explaining ourselves (or avoiding explaining ourselves) and looking for people who understand us, who don’t ask us to or expect us to explain. But at the same time, the difference between childless and childfree folks is important to take note of and apply correctly, because we are not, in fact, the same.
  • As a woman who’s childfree, I’m not experiencing reproductive challenges.
  • I’m not waiting for the right partner, or enough money, or the perfect geographic location.
  • I don’t feel like something is missing from my life because I don’t have children. I don’t want to have kids. There is no yet.
  • … That might be hard to swallow, for some—childfree folks constantly hear things like, “You’ll change your mind” and “You’ll regret it.”
  • Perhaps, because it’s still so unfathomable to the world that a woman wouldn’t want a baby, the term is deliberately misunderstood. If we keep confusing the language, the thinking may go, we can deny that childfree women exist.
  • The experience of not wanting children in a world where women are defined by their reproductive desire and potential—where women are expected to structure their lives around babies—is very different than being a woman who would like a baby or would like to be a parent some day. That difference has to do with desire.
  • If you’re a cisgender, heterosexual woman—especially a white woman—who doesn’t have a kid but wants one, you’re still in line with expectations about how a woman should behave.
  • You’re not threatening, you’re adhering.
  • A cisgender, straight woman who doesn’t want a baby is transgressive, subversive, pathological, a perpetual mystery to be solved.
  • Things may be different, of course, if you’re queer, trans, single, poor, or a person of color; as a society, we’re pretty clear on who we want to be having babies.

(Link): Mother’s Day After Abortion

    Mother’s Day is a wonderful celebration – a time when mothers are honored for their constant love and daily sacrifice, and when life itself is recognized and treasured as the gift that it is.
  • But for many women who have had abortions, Mother’s Day is one of the biggest triggers of painful memories, regrets, and remorse over what “might have been.”
  • My heart breaks for these women.
  • Even though they accepted and believed the messages our society esteems so highly – messages about a woman’s right to choose and the importance of “family planning” – these women have learned, through bitter experience, the truth that abortion is tragic for women.

(Link): Why You Should Watch What You Say on Mother’s Day

Excerpts:

      • by Lori Holden, May 2014
      • ——————–
      • An open letter to ministers, yoga teachers, rabbis, spin instructors, pastors, professors, priests, Zumba leaders, imams, motivational speakers, reverends and anyone addressing mothers and fathers in mid-May or mid-June.
      • ——————

Dear Person at the Front of the Room,

  • I know you worked really hard on that homily about Mother’s Day/Father’s Day. It’s a time of joy and appreciation and community for almost everyone you address. Thank you for your special sentiments to soothe those in your audience who don’t have their mothers or fathers accessible to them. It’s a nice touch to bring in that compassion.
  • You may not know this, but there are likely other outliers receiving your message. That 30-something lady who pulled tissues out of her purse and filled up three of them with tears and snot? That man who had to excuse himself awkwardly? That woman who tried to hide the fact that she was sobbing on her yoga mat?
  • These are people who desperately want to be a mother or father, to join the parenting club at long last. To have the cards and commercials and 30% off sales apply to them. To bring into their lives what others are able to effortlessly.
  • These are the outliers in your audience.
  • Let me tell you about some of them.
  • Could be a woman who found out this morning that her third IVF attempt didn’t work — no line on the pee stick. To make matters worse, she turns 35 next week and her medical chart will be marked AMA — advanced maternal age. Her prospects for success with future treatments looks unbearably bleak.
  • Could be a couple who has been waiting in an adoption pool for 28 months. Each period she has — each turn of the calendar page — marks another month their prayers have gone unanswered.
  • Could be a couple who thought they were finally going to be admitted to the Mother’s Day/Father’s Day club, but whose hopes ended in a miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death.
  • Could be a couple whose planned surrogate is suddenly unavailable to them.
  • Could be a man who wore the title of Dad for a few months — until his baby died.
  • Could be a woman who experienced an unexpected pregnancy and took the course to place her baby in the arms of another mother.
  • Could be a couple who has exhausted their options and who has resigned themselves to living a child-free life. Not so much by choice as by circumstance.

Written by a Child Free, lesbian Woman (you do not have to be a lesbian or agree with or endorse lesbianism to relate to what this woman says):

(Link): On Not Being a Parent by Julie R. Enszer

    As the United States moves into the frenzied celebrations of female parenthood, I want to register an alternate voice and declare my autonomy from children. I am not a parent, and I am happy to not be a parent.
  • I am a child-free woman. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, in 2008, about 17 percent of women between the age of 40 and 44 had not had a child. This is a significant number of women without children in the United States today.
  • Child-free women do not speak out enough. We are not necessarily women who wanted children but could not have them; we are not necessarily women who forgot to have children; we are not necessarily women who missed a crucial life milestone. Being child-free is not necessarily a source of shame or regret.
  • I want to say plainly: I am blessed to not have children. I have more time and energy to devote to creative pursuits and projects that fuel my passions in the world.

(Link): A Bittersweet Mother’s Day

    Mother’s Day can be such a bittersweet time. It is a special day to celebrate our mothers, but for those of us who have lost our mothers, did not have a caring mother or have not been able to experience the joys of motherhood despite trying, it can be a painful reminder.

Continue reading “Being Childfree, Childless, Infertile, or Dealing With the Death of a Mother on Mother’s Day, Or Dealing With An Abusive or Insensitive Mother, Mothers Who Lost Adult or Young Children to Murder, Abortion, Miscarriages, or Sickness (links)”

Brief Critique of the J. Daly editorial: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?

Brief Critique of the J. Daly ed: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?

In the midst of looking up Jim Daly’s contact information (so I could tweet him a link of my previous page), I found this linked to on his Twitter page (he wrote it):

(Link) Does Casual Sex Empower Women? by Daly

Here is the part that caught my attention:

    The cultural impact of casual sex

    Sadly, the cheapening of sex is having a long-term impact on marriage… which, in turn, negatively impacts parenting. It’s a tragic chain-reaction of events that work together to undermine the institution of family.

I know that Focus on the Family has a new family-centric film to promote ((Link): unfortunately), and I see the heading there says “cultural impact,” but Mr. Daly, the fact is, some women never marry and never have children, including Christian women.

The Bible does not say God promises all women a marriage partner not even the ones who pray for one and who want one.

If you see my previous post (link), you can see the stats on the number of singles in America.

Many women today are staying single these days, some against their wishes.

(That’s right, the typical conservative Christian canard that women are choosing to stay single because they hate marriage, hate men, or put career above marriage, or had tons of marriage proposals but turned them all down because they were too picky, are false).

There are plenty of Christian women such as myself (though I am half-agnostic now), who were raised in church and by Christian parents to expect, plan for, and count on marriage.

I had hoped for marriage. I still find myself single. I did not plan on being never-married into my 40s. I may never marry.

I am still a virgin. I have never had children.

The church does not support adult virginity – they ignore or shame adult celibate singles (a few links with examples of that can be found at the end of this post, and all over this blog if you search).

It makes no sense, and I see no biblical support, to suggest the only or main reason to argue against casual sex is on the basis of how it may “impact marriage and family.”

Continue reading “Brief Critique of the J. Daly editorial: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?”

Condescending Remarks About Single and Childless Women on Christian Gender Complementarian Site: ‘Motherhood or Singleness: Which Is More Sanctifying?’

Condescending Remarks About Single and Childless Women on Christian Gender Complementarian Site: ‘Motherhood or Singleness: Which Is More Sanctifying?’

h/t Stuff Christian Culture Likes group (I would encourage you to visit (Link): that group’s comment thread about the link farther below).

The link comes from True Woman, which I think is a Southern Baptist, gender complementarian hosted site

There are married women who are infertile, or who keep having miscarriages. Apparently the author of the page, Colleen Chao, is unaware of that.

Here is the link:

(Link): Motherhood or Singleness: Which Is More Sanctifying?

Anyway. Excerpt:

    by Colleen Chao

    [Because the author is now married with a kid] But I no longer have to sacrifice in the way my single friends do either: I won’t go to bed alone tonight, cry over unfulfilled passions, work a demanding full-time job to support myself, solitarily juggle all the details and demands of daily life, or feel like an anomaly at a table of all couples.

I’m over 40, would like to be married, never have been. Never cared too much if I had a kid or not (kids are annoying).

Yes, there are times I’m sad or angry about being single, but I also have many days where I’m okay with it.

I do not appreciate this lady making my life sounds like it’s a total pathetic suck fest because I’m single and childless. Her post is just so very insulting to single, adult, childless women.

It is remarkable to me how Christians will sometimes write these books or blog pages trying to re-assure single adults they are fine the way they are, and that God loves them even un-married and childless- but the tone of their whole piece, or certain comments, are so incredibly condescending, their piece has the exact opposite effect.

And I don’t need someone patting me on the head telling me God loves me just as I am, that I’m okay as a single and childless woman… I already know.

I don’t need your validation. How dare you assume that I do.

People who do this are so arrogant and insensitive, but they think they are being supportive and loving.

By the way, sanctification is an inward work of the Holy Spirit, not the work of singleness, parenting, or marriage.

Anyway, it’s amazing how deeply insensitive these Christian writers can be. The woman who wrote that page probably thinks she is cheering on unmarried, childless women, when in reality, she is insulting their lives.

Her editorial is hinting at, or implying, the somewhat common Christian false idea that singles and the childless are only “one half” a person, are not and cannot be fulfilled as a married parent, and not as worthy to God or culture.
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Related posts:

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): I’m Childless, Not Child-Incompetent (editorial by G. Dalfonzo) – The Christian Tendency to Worship Family, Motherhood, and Children

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Oh geeze. Another married Christian condescendingly patting single Christians on the head, reassuring them they are dandy as-is, and to remember they have the fictional Gift of Singleness

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): Astonishing: Evangelical Baptist Marriage Idolater David E. Prince Wants to Know Why Evangelical Baptists Are Not Worshipping Marriage More

Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

There are several reasons I am closer and closer to saying bye-bye to Christianity, but the continued insistence upon Southern Baptists, Neo Calvinists, and other Christian groups, on pushing sexism and codependency for women – under the headings of “gender complementarianism” or “biblical womanhood” – is just one more reason.

I am now blogging about a new site by Southern Baptists about “Biblical womanhood.” (Link to that site, with screen captures from it, is farther below.)

First, a preface: IT’S NOT JUST A WOMAN’S ISSUE

If you are a male, an unmarried male, you need to be concerned about this pushing of gender complementarianism to women. It impacts you as well, oh yes it does.

If you are a male, do not make the deadly mistake of thinking, “Aw, this is just about ladies, it is of no import for me, I am a dude!”

No, no, you couldn’t be more wrong because 1. (Link): this page and 2. they equally oppress, pressure, shame, and hound males who do not live up to their narrowly defined list of rules of what constitutes “biblical manhood.”

Just as gender complementarians limit and enslave women to following a very narrow set of 1950s- American- culturally influenced, un-biblical rules of what constitutes a godly woman (which often includes being married, submitting to a husband, and cranking out children), they do the same to men.

For example, and depending on what type of breed of gender complementarian we are discussing, they usually define “biblical manhood” to mean ‘MAN WHO IS MARRIED TO A WOMAN AND FATHER TO BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.’

Some Christian biblical manhood advocates further tack on additional qualifiers of what constitutes “biblical manhood,” such as, “spiritual leader of wife,” “steadily employed with a big paycheck, so the wife can stay home all day,” and “manly man who drinks beer, belches loudly and often, and who watches cage fighting with great enthusiasm.”

Yeah.

So, if you are a single male, or you have never been a daddy, and if you do not care for American stereotypical manly man pursuits (e.g., football, NASCAR, copious amounts of beer drinking) and you even prefer artistic pursuits, such as painting and opera, and…

If you find yourself unable to support more than yourself on your pay check alone, you will be treated like a second-class citizen in most Baptist and Neo Calvinist churches.

You will be deemed a failure for not being biblically mannish enough by a host of gender complementarians.

I do find it telling that the Southern Baptists and other gender complementarians seem to expend more effort and time at talking about women’s roles, though.

They seem to crank out more books, sites, and so on, to convince women that being submitted doormats is really honest- to- gosh biblical and not the least demeaning, than they do in cranking out as much material convincing men to be Biblical Tough Guys.

Occasionally, they do, however – about a year ago, preacher Mark Driscoll and other preachers hosted an “Act Like Men” conference (link to that) which emphasized the idea that Christian men should be manly leader men, but it is my impression that conservative Christians are far more obsessed at keeping women in line more so than the males.

Even so, if you are a single, childless, un- or under- employed, or non- football obsessed male, you have a stake in this topic as well.

THE BIBLICAL WOMANHOOD SITE

The Southern Baptist “biblical womanhood” site, as of this writing (Apr. 2014) is a white and pink combination.

Yes, the web pages have a white background, but there is liberal usage of pink-colored fonts and headings all over the place.

Even their “biblical womanhood” logo contains pink. Screen capture of their site’s mast head:

Biblical Womanhood mast head screen shot
Biblical Womanhood mast head screen shot

Enough with pink already. I am a woman, but I have never liked pink.

Historically, by the way, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Read (Link): this and (Link): this for more on that.

I am a woman. I have never liked pink. Even as a child, I did not find pink attractive, and it annoyed the piss out of me that companies and manufacturers went default pink on any product made for girls (and they would toss in rainbows and unicorns on the packaging, too. I’ve nothing against rainbows or unicorns, but I was never a horse or unicorn crazy girly girl, and I resented the notion, even at age ten, that I am SUPPOSED to like both just because I’m a girl.)

Anyway, leave it to a Southern Baptist site that is pushing “gender complementarian” roles to use pink as one of the site’s main colors. They couldn’t break the stereotypes and go with muted teals, greys, or dark red with gold, or other unexpected colors for a woman’s site, oh no, gotta stick with pink because PINK = GIRLY FEMININE! *Sigh.*

Where in the Bible does it say God defines the color pink as a biblical color for expressing womanhood? If that verse is in there, it must have escaped my attention, and yes, I have read the Bible all the way through.

Leave it to a Christian biblical womanhood, or gender complementarian, site that is intending to dispel the notion that gender complementarianism is sexist by… are you ready for this? by… upholding sexist stereotypes! – they do, right there on their site, examples to follow in this post.

Continue reading “Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity”

Divorce Rates in America Decreasing But Divorce Rates on Increase Among Southern Baptists

Divorce Rates in America Decreasing But Divorce Rates on Increase Among Southern Baptists

I would encourage you to read the Istoria Ministries blog for this:
(Link): The Increasing Divorce Rate Among Southern Baptists (by Wade Burleson)

In that page, he references this other page (on Huffington Post):
(Link): Divorce Rates Declining In The U.S. (Interactive Map)

(Link): The Increasing Divorce Rate Among Southern Baptists (by Wade Burleson)

Here is just an excerpt or two from the page, but I would encourage you to visit it and read it in its entirety:

    by Wade Burleson

    … Sometimes I am perplexed by the logic of Southern Baptist assemblies. Rather than boycotting Disney World at our business meetings, we might want to consider a corporate course or two in logic. How can the divorce rate in every state in the union be declining while at the same time the Southern Baptist divorce rate is accelerating, but we Southern Baptists are said to be “accommodating culture”?

    … Think. If we Southern Baptists were accommodating culture, we’d see fewer divorces in our churches. Unfortunately, the divorce rate is accelerating among Southern Baptist churches.

    I believe I know the reason…

    The leaders of our Southern Baptist Convention have been strongly promoting a doctrinal error called The Eternal Subordination of the Son.

    …when you go to a church led by a Southern Baptist pastor who promotes it, the emphasis of the teaching will be on “the authority of the husband” and “the subordination of the woman to her husband” (just like Jesus is allegedly eternally subordinate to the Father). When the emphasis in any Christian environment (home, church, marriage, etc…) is on authority, a breach in relationship is ripe.

Again, please (Link): visit the page to read the entire explanation.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Study: Conservative Protestants’ divorce rates spread to their red state neighbors

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Horny Celibacy – Another Anti Virginity, Anti Sexual Purity Essay – Also discussed: Being Equally Yoked, Divorce, Remarriage

(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage

(Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

(Link): A Response by Colon to Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda

(Link): The World Does Not Need More Marriage Sermons – They Don’t Stop Divorce or Get People Married

(Link): Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts – and about Christian culture and divorce and remarriage vs singleness

(Link): Utah lawmaker targets women with new divorce barriers so men aren’t ‘surprised’ – Alabama Also Considering It

(Link): Married Preacher Sends Nude Photos to Married Woman, Hits On Her, Tells Her to Divorce Spouse, Has Sex With Woman In Church Building – Married People Are Sexual Deviants, Not Singles

(Link): Pat Robertson: Humans Have Sexual Drives of Animals and Twice Divorced People are “Losers” (ie, they are not marriage material, they keep picking losers)

Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

This is one of those pieces that seems to seek, at least on some level, to affirm virginity, celibacy, and sexual purity, but in the end scheme of things, somewhat undermines all of it to say Christians need to soften their stance on all these issues, because, gosh durn it, don’t you know that some women (who have engaged in consensual pre-marital sex) get really hurt feelings when they hear that the Bible condemns sexual sin, and such teachings makes them doubt their self-worth?

Sexual abuse victims are also tossed into the mix, which is one of my huge pet peeves in these discussions about sexual purity and virginity.

Folks need to keep these issues separate.

Bringing up rape and sexual abuse in conversations about the Bible’s standards on consensual sexual activities unnecessarily muddies the waters, and has the effect of Christians saying,

    “These purity and virginity discussions make abuse and rape victims feel just awful, so let’s just water the Bible’s sexual standards down, and even pretend like the Bible does not demand that all people remain virgins until marriage. This will spare the feelings of so many sexual abuse victims.”

The Bible’s teachings on sexual ethics in regards to consensual sex become negated, in other words.

It’s really kind-hearted, nice, and considerate to care about people’s feelings, but to the point where one’s sense of compassion and kindness over-rides definite standards of right and wrong as laid out in the Bible, and to say, “Aw shucks, let’s just explain away or ignore the Bible’s teachings on ‘Topic X!’,” to spare that person’s feelings, no. At that stage, I think you have tip-toed over into heresy.

Notice, too, that even in the headline that the notion of even defending the Bible’s view on sexuality is termed in a derogatory manner: if you are someone who defends the Bible’s position on sex, you are referred to as a “purity pusher.”

Continue reading “Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position”

Additional Rebuttals to CBMW Gender Complementarian Heresy and Travesty That Declares All Females Must Submit To All Males In Heaven

Additional Rebuttals to CBMW Christian Gender Complementarian Heresy and Travesty That Declares All Females Must Submit To All Males In Heaven (Part 3)

I should note that not only are Christian egalitarians recoiling in horror and disgust over CBMW’s “women shall have to submit to all men in the afterlife” editorial, but a number of gender comps have as well.

Some of the writers or contributors or moderators of some of the following blogs are gender comps:

> (Link): Headship in Heaven According to CBMW

> (Link): Eternal Patriarchy? The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood says, “You Bet!”

> (Link): The Logical Fallacy of “Equal But Subordinate”

> (Link): (Forum discussion): Eternal submission of women to Men
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Previous posts about this topic at this blog (parts 1 and 2):

Post 1. (Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven

Post 2. (Link): Gender Complementarian Christians Who Teach Gender Inequality Even in Afterlife – an UPDATE

Kinda related:
(Link): Does head mean boss when it is connected to the body?

    This is the first in a series about marriage and the connection between marriage to women’s gifts in the church.

    Some people in an effort to keep women’s ministry gifts away from the benefit of men, teach that the term husband as the “head of the wife” means that men are to have authority over women and this eliminates women as having any kind of teaching authority in the body of Christ.

    So does the term “head” mean “boss over” or “authority over” when it is connected to the term “body”?

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Related posts this blog:

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Womanhood” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

Gender Complementarian Christians Who Teach Gender Inequality Even in Afterlife – an UPDATE

Gender Complementarian Christians Who Teach Gender Inequality Even in Afterlife – an UPDATE

Hat tip again to Julie Anne of the Spiritual Sounding Board who announced in a Tweet today that CBMW (which is a Christian gender complementarian group) removed a looney editorial by Walton from their site, which I wrote of in an earlier post, here:

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven

Julie Anne wrote an update about the situation recently, here (at Spiritual Sounding Board):

(Link): Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood Removes Article about Complementarian Roles in New Creation Did they change their minds?

    Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood removes Article about complementarian roles in new creation

    … Let’s be clear – – pulling the article does not mean CBMW has changed their ideology.

She also provided a link to the screen shot of the CBMW page, before it was removed, and it can be viewed here:
(Link): Screen capture of Weirdo “marriage in the afterlife” CBMW Page by Walton

Someone in the thread linked to this related material, from the Strange Figures blog:
(Link): A letter to our sisters, on biblical womanhood in heavenly places

The piece starts out serious (as you can see from the excerpt below), and the author goes into satire (not excerpted here):

    I think the author, Mark David Walton, has shown us the end toward which complementarian theology is heading. While Walton’s piece is several years old, it’s still out there as a resource and other articles have expressed the same idea – the gendered headship/submission model is not temporal. It’s eternal. Get used to it, ladies.

Julie Anne also mentioned that Owen Strachan is the Executive Director of CBMW, and Rachel Held Evans recently took Strachan to the woodshed here:

(Though I do have excerpts from Walton’s the page on (Link): my previous post as well, if you’d like to read for yourself some of the nutty things Walton wrote.)
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Related posts, off site:

(Link): Complementarianism: even in its best form, it is Patriarchy

(Link): The “CAN’T” Chant of Complementarianism

(Link): Com­ple­men­tar­i­an­ism Sucks : Telling Women to Stay Quiet in the name of Jesus

(Link): Question to complementarians: What is my [single, adult woman] gender role?

I agree with point 3 on the list on this site (I do not, however, agree with the author that a literal understanding of the Bible should be rejected, or that the Bible supports homosexuality):
(Link): Reality: The Problem with Complementarianism
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Related posts:

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Independent Fundamentalist Baptist College Kid Friendship Permission Form – Christians lowering marriage rates due to their own stupid teachings about sex, dating, marriage, etc

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)

CBMW (Christian Gender Complementarian Group) Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in the Afterlife And/or All (or Just Married?) Women Will Have to Submit to Men in the Afterlife

In the past, I’ve told anyone reading this blog they should visit Julie Anne’s (Link): Spiritual Sounding Board; it’s a blog that discusses spiritual abuse, as well as some of the topics I cover here, such as how Christians teach about marriage, dating, and gender roles.

Recently, Julie Anne found an odd page by CBMW (Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood), whose author seems to be arguing that not only will there be marriage in the afterlife for Christians, but that women must submit to their husbands. Here is the link:

(Link): Is the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood Drinking Mormon-Flavored Koolaid?

The sub heading of that post is:

    Will there be Complementarian or Egalitarian marriages in heaven? What about Biblical gender roles in heaven? What in the world is Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) talking about?

I don’t want to steal Julie Anne’s thunder, so I’ll not copy in much of her post but just a smidge and encourage you to drop by to read the rest – you should also visit her blog page to read the comments her readers leave. She often gets some very educated or just wise people who leave comments that you can learn from.

Here is just a brief snippet:

From the CBMW page “Relationships and Roles in the New Creation,” Walton writes,

    Considerably more controversial, however, than the question of “what we shall be” in the new creation is the question of “what we shall do.”

    Given that gender identity will remain, is there evidence that functional distinctions will likewise remain in the new creation? Will resurrected saints as male and female have gender-specific roles? How will we relate to one another?

    Will male headship apply?

    Initial responses will likely depend on whether such questions are approached from a complementarian or egalitarian perspective. Complementarians, who view male headship and gender-specific roles as part of God’s original plan for creation (and for the present age as well) are more likely to answer these questions in the affirmative

Other than the Bible saying that saints shall throw crowns at the feet of Christ and worship God, not a lot is said about people’s roles in the afterlife or in the millennial reign of Christ on earth, or in the “New Jerusalem”.

The Bible is pretty silent on what exactly men and women will do in the afterlife and when the present age ends. It’s foolish to build an entire view of gender and gender roles based on silence.

Later in the piece, Walton even concedes,

    Although Scripture does not speak directly to the question of the effect gender will have on the lives of resurrected believers in the new creation…

Walton admits the Bible is silent on the matter and yet feels just fine using his own preferences to assert a bunch of nonsense about marriage and gender.

Walton, sir, your opinion is just your opinion, your preferences are your preferences: they are not binding on Christians, who are to follow only God’s word.

It’s laughable that a gender complmenetarian is attempting to carry over gender role concerns into the afterlife. As has been mentioned on Julie Anne’s blog by some of her readers, that is more reminiscent of Islamic or Mormon religion, not Christianity.

Mormons have an entire system of belief that hinges on a man marrying a woman in this lifetime and having a lot of kids, and their marriage and reproducing here and now has something to do with how many planets their Science Fiction God will bestow upon them later, or some such. (I read about their theology years ago and my memory is shaky.)

I really question the motives of Christian gender comps, I really do, and I do not mean that in a good way.

I think in part Christian gender comps are motivated out of a fear or loathing of secular feminism and homosexuality (they, I suspect, figure strict gender roles will keep people from acting out in a homosexual manner, or that they will keep women at home making babies), and a lust for power and control.

It’s not enough for these complementarians to want men to control women in a fallen world, they want this to hold over after death, in Heaven and the New Earth.

Jesus specifically told His followers not to lord authority over one another, but that is precisely what gender complementarians do, seek after male power over women.

In the Bible, Christ says there will be no marriage in Heaven.

Never mind that, gender complementarian teaching never really addresses never married adult women. It’s just assumed all women over the age of 20 or 25 will marry and have children.

Continue reading “Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)”

Married Southern Baptist and Calvinist Preacher and Father of Boy Exposes His Naked Penis to Teen Girl in Store

Married Preacher and Father of Boy Exposes His Naked Penis to Teen Girl in Store

News links farther below: married Baptist preacher and father of seven year old boy – who had the boy with him at the time – exposed his penis to a 15 year old girl.

One of these news stories mentions that the guy believes in Calvinism. I guess he was predestined from before the foundation of the world to flash his penis at teenaged girls?

(The purpose of posts such as this one) Countering popular Christian stereotypes about dating, marriage, parenthood, and sex:

    1. Marriage does not make a person more godly or mature
    Conversely: notice this was not a single man, an unmarried man, hitting on this teen girl, it was a MARRIED man.

    2. Parenting does not make a person more godly or mature

    3. Marriage does not make people immune from committing sexual sin or behaving in a vulgar manner

    4. Assuming this preacher in the news story below is married, married Christian sex is not “mind blowing,” because if it was, one would not find this guy exposing his penis to a teen girl to get his socks off

    5. The “Be Equally Yoked” doctrine should be discarded in- so- far as marriage and dating are concerned.

    That self- professing Christian men are just as perverted and unethical as some Non-Christian men means single Christian women might as well date Non-Christian men also.

I’d like to add a sixth point:

    6. Gender complementarianism (sometimes referred to as “Biblical Manhood / Womanhood”) is a joke: women are asked and demanded, by gender complementarian Christians, to “submit” to men, even perverts like this one, in the story below.

    There’s something very faulty with a doctrine that asks almost unquestioning allegiance and unquestioning obedience from one entire group of people (females) to another, and at that, based on something like gender.

Also,

    7. Males need to be hit harder with purity teachings.

    Instead of churches and Christian literature and blogs telling women to “dress modestly,” this is an example of how and why MALES need to hear they should keep their genitals covered up.

    If you are going to teach “modesty” and “purity” beliefs, you need to do so equally, to both genders: men need to hear that they need to mind how they dress and how much they reveal of their bodies.

    This preacher obviously feels it’s perfectly fine to whip his penis out in front of a girl, so obviously, some Christian males do not understand that “modesty” applies to males as well as to females.

Notice that although we have yet another example of a Christian man who is a father and husband (and one who works as a preacher to boot) who was arrested for being sexually inappropriate…

That most Christians will probably still continue to harbor stereotypes against adult singles and to depict all single adults (or childless / child free adults) as being sexual sinners, perverts, and harlots, even though we adult singles not the ones whipping our genitals out in front of teen aged kids.

By the way, how “godly” and “perfect” was this Baptist preacher pervert that God sent him a spouse? I mean, often, Christians will say if you are still single past the age of 30 or 35, it’s because you are a horrible sinner or deeply flawed in some way, and God will not send you, will not reward you with, a spouse, until you fix yourself, or God cleans you up.

Please explain to me how someone such as myself – I’m a normal person, decent morals, not a pervert – is still single at my age, but God permits a total pervert like this one below, who displays his penis to girls in stores, is married?

There is something amiss with the Christian propaganda that one has to “earn” a spouse by being good when I see so many reports of married Christians who are found guilty of sexually inappropriate behavior. And I see this thinking pop up on Christian blogs or sometimes in books about dating and marriage.

—– WOMEN, AESTHETICALLY SPEAKING, DO NOT LIKE PENIS —

Before I get to the links themselves:
I have yet to figure out why so many males feel that women or girls want to look at a penis. Are these males motivated by the mistaken idea that women/girls think they are sexy to look at?

As I blogged about months ago, most females find the penis repulsive-looking, grotesque to ridiculous, and as far as looks go, size does not matter.

Most females are grossed out by what a penis looks like, not turned on by them. So it’s beyond me why males expose themselves or send photos of their genitals to women on dating sites.

Do most women enjoy a good looking man (as in a man with six pack abs, good looking face, and broad shoulders)? Yes and HELL YES. But we are not turned on by male genitalia.

We appreciate other body parts on a good-looking man but a penis is not one of them. It’s the very rare woman who gets turned on by seeing a penis. Most of us recoil in disgust at the sight.

So I just wonder about men like this who whip their penises out – either he was trying to shock or scare the girl, or he assumes she would find it sexy?

(Link): Pastor Arrested for Exposing Himself to Child in Store

    RUSSELLVILLE, Ky. (WBKO) — A pastor has been arrested for exposing himself to a child at an outlet store in Russellville.

    Kevin Lohse, the pastor of Woodlawn Baptist Church, was arrested Thursday.

(Link): Local pastor busted for exposing himself to young girl

    by Chris Cooper Managing Editor
    Feb 2014

    According to a police report, Kevin Lohse, pastor at Woodlawn Baptist Church in Russellville, confessed to investigators that he inappropriately exposed himself to a young girl in Burke’s Outlet on Feb. 13, with his seven year old son in tow.

    The Russellville Police Department had received a report of indecent exposure at the store after a mother reported that her juvenile daughter was subjected to Lohse’s inappropriate behavior while shopping. The female stated that Lohse had a small child with him and that he possibly left the scene in a van.

    …. According to police, the video showed footage of Lohse with his seven year old son at Burke’s on the day of the incident. He can clearly been seen manipulating the zipper of his pants to expose his genitals, and presenting himself to the juvenile female who was shopping in the junior’s section of Burke’s.

    Soon after, a warrant was issued for Lohse’s arrest. He was taken into custody and booked at the Logan County Detention Center.

(Link): Facebook helps police nab Baptist preacher

    Police in Kentucky say social media helped identify a man accused of indecent exposure as a Southern Baptist pastor who was shopping with his 7-year-old son.
    ——
    By Bob Allen

    A Southern Baptist pastor in Kentucky was charged with indecent exposure in an arrest that police credit to social media.

    Kevin Lohse, pastor of Woodlawn Baptist Church in Russellville, Ky., was arrested Feb. 26 after police identified him as the man seen on surveillance video exposing himself to a girl shopping in the junior section of a local department store.

    The Russellville Police Department posted a still image of the suspect on Facebook Feb. 17. One week and 646 shares later, Lohse turned himself in and confirmed he was the man in the security footage, according to a police report quoted by WBKO television in Bowling Green, Ky. Police called it “a prime example of community policing.”

    Lohse, a graduate of Liberty University, accepted a call as senior pastor at Southern Baptist-affiliated Woodlawn Baptist Church in June 2013. Before that he was on staff at Pathway Baptist Church Calvert City, Ky., an independent Baptist congregation that identifies with Founders Ministries, a group formed in 1982 to promote Calvinism in Southern Baptist life.

    … At the time of the incident, police said Lohse’s 7-year-old son was with him in the store. The mother who reported the indecent exposure said the suspect had a small boy with him as he left the scene, possibly in a van.

(Link): Local pastor busted for exposing himself to young girl

The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer

Followers of Christ are called to model all of his behaviors: if you are a man, that means emulating Jesus not only when he displayed what we consider manly traits such as assertiveness and daring, but also the feminine ones: gentleness and humbleness. If you are a woman, you are called not only to emulate the sweet and tender side of Jesus, but his tough side, as well.

Why more Christians do not understand this and embrace it, I do not understand. But your gender complementarian Christians promote the very opposite: they instruct men to follow only the rough, tough side of Jesus and instruct women to follow the meek- and- mild side of the Savior.

Here is the blog link under consideration in this post:

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church

I abhor it when Christians complain about church being too girly. The link you see above? Its author is also tired and upset about this as well.

My view on this has changed a little bit. I used to be a little more understanding about men who feel out of place at church, but considering the staggering amount of sexism against women in churches, especially against never married and childless women, I’m no longer quite as sympathetic.

And I abhor even more than that that they go and mess things up by trying to make Christianity or church more “manly,” or, they try to recast Jesus Christ as being a beer-drinking, belching, farting, quasi stoner – tough guy who sits around in a recliner in his boxers all day watching NFL games. A sort of Seth Rogen or Andrew Dice Clay, if you will.

I don’t think Jesus Christ was girly girl, but nor do I think he was a cage-fight watching, beer- can- crushing neanderthal who made sexist jokes about what poor drivers women are, and how ‘chicks’ are ‘too emotional.’

You would think as a person who was single, a female, who was Christian for many years, who desired marriage, who has noticed in frustration that churches suffer a great lack of single adult males for me to choose from, that I would be thrilled, just totally THRILLED, with churches trying to butch things up to attract more males, but no, I’m not.

I don’t think the solution to getting more dudes to attend church is to make church more of a pub, bar brawling, NASCAR, NFL, frat boy experience.

I resent churches pinning the blame on low male church attendance on the female gender for several reasons.

One of which is that by saying stereotypical female qualities are horrible for a church to have is to somehow say women themselves are terrible. It’s a round-about way of being sexist and slamming women themselves, though I’m not sure how to articulate this thought.

Next up is the fact that it further marginalizes someone like myself even more than I already am by most churches.

I have never fully been the picture of “biblical womanhood” that gender complementarians preach and harp about, and these are usually the ones pushing for Christians to make Jesus or the church “more masculine.”

Not only am I still not married in my 40s and without children – and gender complementarians put wifehood and motherhood on pedestals and say that a woman’s only calling in life by God is to be both – but I’ve always been a tom boy, to a degree.

Yes, I have some traits that gender complementarians would consider feminine and girly, but I am not, nor have I ever been, a 100% girly girl, pink-wearing, Barbie-doll-playing, type of female.

Yes, I wear eye liner, lip stick, mascara, and sometimes dresses and high heels and look feminine.

However, I have some hobbies, interests, and attitudes gender complementarians would consider masculine.

So, I do not appreciate femininity being boiled down to a very narrow set of roles or ideas, such as, one who is always passive, wears pink, is quiet, sweet, loving, and obsessed about baking, fashion, and nail polish.

I would encourage you to read this following blog page by KR WordGazer. The whole post is so good, I can’t pick just a bit to excerpt here. It’s hard to choose just two or three paragraphs.

(Link): The “Feminization” of the Church

Even though it’s very hard to excerpt this because all of it is excellent, here are a few of my favorite parts:

    The article also quotes David Murrow, author of Why Men Hate Going to Church (Thomas Nelson, 2004):
    “[W]omen believe the purpose of Christianity is to find “a happy relationship with a wonderful man”—Jesus—whereas men recognize God’s call to “save the world against impossible odds.” . . . While the church was masculine, it fulfilled its purpose. But in the 19th century, women “began remaking the church in their image” (and they continue to do so), which moved the church off course.

Needless to say, this line of thinking isn’t exactly complimentary to women! It implies that whatever is “feminine” encapsulates everything that’s gone wrong with the church.

A popular book on the subject even goes so far as to take the title The Church Impotent – because apparently a majority of women in the church means the church is emasculated, and therefore powerless and ineffectual.

Even though men still hold the vast majority of the leadership positions.

She has a subheading called “Why are there more women than men in most churches?,” and farther under that heading are these thoughts:

    This Forbes article defines”gender contamination” as the idea that when something is perceived as being a women’s thing, men want nothing to do with it. It’s the reason why men won’t drink “diet” soda and have had to have differently-named low-calorie versions marketed specially to them.

It’s the reason why men resist using lotions and moisturizers even if they have neutral, non-flowery scents, and why some companies advertise their products by denigrating competitors with such words as “precious” and “princess.”

In short, in our “male mystique” focused society, boys who believe girls have cooties still believe deep-down, when they grow into men, that women have cooties too.

There are still some very deep-rooted misogynistic elements in modern Western culture– and this, I think, has a lot to do with why evangelicals like Mark Driscoll and the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood are so distressed at the idea that churches are “feminized.”

If churches have more women in them, then churches themselves have cooties, and it’s up to the biblical manhood movement to remove the stigma by masculinizing the church.

She goes on to quote an editorial from Christianity Today which I found interesting:

    Christian Copyright Licensing International (CCLI) lists the 100 most frequently used songs in its database.

If contemporary praise music is problematically feminine in both lyrics and tone, as the Driscoll-Murrow crowd avers, we should expect the top 100 list to be dominated—or at least infiltrated—by women.

In fact, however, the list includes 145 male and 16 female composers. Thus more than 90 percent of the composers writing today’s most popular praise songs are male!

Continue reading “The “Feminization” of the Church by K R Wordgazer”

Utah lawmaker targets women with new divorce barriers so men aren’t ‘surprised’ – Alabama Also Considering It

Utah lawmaker targets women with new divorce barriers so men aren’t ‘surprised’

Maybe Utah wouldn’t have so much divorce if it didn’t have so much early marriage (see this post: (Link): Rush to early marriage feeds Utah’s higher-than-average divorce rate (article)).

By the way, that some politician and state lawmakers believe that married couples need to take state-ordered classes on how to be married only supports the fact that marriage does NOT automatically make people mature, godly, or ethical, as so many Christians often assume or believe (and see this post for examples – (Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Mature or Godly).

Some articles are saying this applies to parents? So if you are a childless or child free couple, you don’t have to take this course?

(Link): How Utah may make it harder to get a divorce

    By Annie Knox, Associated Press / February 25, 2014

Utah was the first in the nation in 1994 to require that couples complete a two-hour, $55 seminar before courts will finalize a divorce. Now, a Utah lawmaker wants to make divorce a little harder.

(Link): House passes bill requiring divorcing parents to take course sooner

(Link): For Utah Parents, Hurdle to Divorce Could Advance

(Link): Ala. looks at mandating divorce classes for parents

    MONTGOMERY, Ala. — Parents considering divorce could face mandatory class time if a bill in the Alabama Legislature becomes law.

  • The bill, sponsored by GOP Rep. Bill Poole of Northport, Ala., would require couples with children younger than 16 to take a four-hour class to increase parents’ sensitivity to their children’s needs during a divorce or separation proceeding. The House Judiciary Committee has approved it unanimously.

(Link): Utah may double down on divorce classes for parents

    Utah was the first in the nation in 1994 to require that couples complete what’s now a two-hour, $55 seminar before courts will finalize a split. Now, a lawmaker is proposing to require that couples take at least part of the course earlier, hoping that it can reduce a divorce rate among those couples with children.

(Link): For Utah parents, hurdle to divorce could advance

Continue reading “Utah lawmaker targets women with new divorce barriers so men aren’t ‘surprised’ – Alabama Also Considering It”

Renting a Womb – Women Reduced to Baby Breeders says Professor (editorial from CP)

Renting a Womb – Women Reduced to Baby Breeders (editorial from CP)

I find this bashing of “womb renting” (parental surrogacy) hypocritical on two levels. I have observations below this link and excerpt, where I explain why I find this hypocritical.

I myself don’t know if I support surrogacy or not; that isn’t my point. My point is that I find some of this Christian man’s objections to it hypocritical.

(Link): Renting a Womb (Part 2): Women Reduced to Baby Breeders

    BY ALEX MURASHKO, CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 11, 2014|12:39 pm

    Editor’s Note: This is the second part in a series on surrogacy, titled “Renting a Womb.”

    Although not specifically mentioned in the Bible, the act of surrogacy in order to produce a baby should be considered unethical, says Scott B. Rae, professor of Philosophy of Religion and Ethics at Biola University.

    Surrogacy, Rae argued, diminishes a woman’s role in procreation. The woman, he said, is reduced to a “baby breeder.”

    Rae, who serves as dean of the faculty at the university’s Talbot School of Theology and chair for the Philosophy of Religion and Ethics board, told The Christian Post that the Bible “looks pretty skeptically at any kind of third party contributor who comes outside the matrix of marriage.”

    CP: What is the current social thought on surrogacy?

    Rae: I think the feminists who object to surrogacy because it reinforces a stereotype, that has some merit. The other thing that troubles me is that it separates procreation and responsibility. Scripture is pretty solid on the connection between marriage, procreation, and parenting. This is what troubles me about sperm donation – that you are involved in procreation but overtly disavowing a responsibility for that. Surrogates do the same.

    “It seems to me that procreation is intended to be done by stable, permanent, monogamous, heterosexual married couples,” he said. “The norm is laid out in Genesis 1 and 2 where you have the creation of Adam and Eve, the institution of marriage, and then the mandate to be fruitful and multiply. It sets procreation within that context.”

One reason I find it hypocritical:

Here you have a community – conservative Christians – who set marriage and having children up as idols that all should obtain, and if you don’t obtain one or either, you’re treated as a failure or weirdo.

So if you take actual steps towards either one (marriage or having a baby), such as using IVF, infertility treatments, or hiring a surrogate, you get told you are in sin or in error for it.

Secondly, conservative Christianity already treats ALL women like “baby breeders,” even the ones who do not pay for a surrogate. Case in point:

Gender complementarian Christians, who are present in what seems large numbers in many Protestant and Baptist churches and other conservative churches and denominations, regularly teach that a woman’s greatest or only role or calling in life is to marry and make babies.

See these links:

Conservative Christians already worship motherhood (see Link), and continually tell women their greatest or only God given or God approved role in life is to be a wife and mother.

Christians say this to each and every woman listening to a church sermon, not just women who are surrogates. So this professor has a lot of nerve referring to only surrogates as “baby breeders” when all women in Christianity are viewed as nothing but “baby breeders” (and ‘help meets’ to their spouses, if they are married).

Women who are infertile, childless, or childfree are not made to feel welcomed or accepted in most evangelical, fundamentalist, Baptist, or Reformed denominations. They are made to feel like outsiders, losers, weirdos, or freaks.

Lastly, and as someone in the comments pointed out, Mary acted as a surrogate mother, to carry the baby Jesus, conceived by the Holy Spirit. Mary was not even married yet at the time. In light of the fact Mary acted as a surrogate, I’m not sure how a Christian university professor can object to other women doing so and not be holding a double standard.
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Related posts:

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

(Link): Don’t Judge Me, I’m Childless (from Today’s Christian Woman)

(Link): Misuse of Terms Such As “Traditional Families” by Christians – Re: Kirk Cameron, Homosexual Marriage, and the 2014 Grammys

(Link): The Fruitful Callings of the Childless By Choice (editorial)

(Link): 23 Responses to 23 Awful Statements Made to Childfree People by TAURIQ MOOSA

(Link): How Not To Be A Dick To Your Childfree Friends (editorial)

(Link): My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless by Melanie Notkin

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): In terms of childlessness, US ranks near the top worldwide

(Link): Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

(Link): Bearden: Staying childless right decision for many women

(Link): How American Christians Were Influenced by 1950s American Secular Propaganda to Idolize Marriage and Children and Against Singles and the Childless

New Christian Sex Propaganda: Supposedly Traditional Gender Roles Equals More, Better Sex

New Christian Sex Propaganda: Supposedly Traditional Gender Roles Equals More, Better Sex

August 2015 update: please see this post after you’ve read this one:

(Link):  One key to a happier sex life: Share child care duties equally, new research finds

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I give this newest Christian propaganda about sex the same weight as I do other forms of previous Christian sex propaganda, such as, “if you wait until marriage to have sex, the sex will be spectacular and regular.”

Well, that has turned out not to be true, based on all the Christian (and some Non Christian) people I’ve read about or seen on TV who say they were virgins until marriage, and then the sex was lousy or dwindled down to zero times a month (see this link for examples).

By the way, as you can see from my link that has many examples, Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread), married Christian sex does not keep married Christian men (and sometimes wives) from having affairs, raping people, using porn, or paying for prostitutes.

If being a married Christian – whether complementarian or egalitarian regarding gender roles – kept married couples immune from sexual sin, you would not see the sort of news stories I keep track of in that post, of married couples being porn addicts, having affairs, and using prostitutes.

At least a few Christians were quoted in this who did not agree.

Here we go:
(Link): Gender Roles in Marriage (Part1): Couples in Traditional Marriage Roles Have More Sex, Study Finds

    February 17, 2014|10:29 am

      Excerpt: BY TYLER O’NEIL , CP REPORTER
  • A recent study suggests that married couples will have more sex and be less likely to divorce if they assume more traditional gender roles where the husband does 40 percent of the housework and the wife earns 40 percent of the income. Some experts disagree, however, over whether or not the study supports these gender roles within a Christian a marriage.
  • “I don’t do theology by polling, but I’m glad to cite any study that shows God’s blessing of following His plan for men and women,” said Owen Strachan, vice president of The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. “This particular study gives evidence that there definitely are differences between men and women – that men are called to provide and there’s a certain mystery to manhood that draws women,” Strachan told The Christian Post in a recent interview.
  • … Mimi Haddad, president of (Link): Christians for Biblical Equality, vehemently disagrees. “Biology is not destiny; following Christ is destiny,” Haddad declared in an interview with CP on Wednesday.
  • Haddad asserts that “marriage today is more about self-satisfaction and self-gratification, whereas in earlier days it was about serving the world, serving God.” Rather than worrying about how much fun they will have in the bedroom, Christians should focus on maximizing their service to God and others.
  • …Mark Yarhouse, a Christian expert on sexual identity and author of Understanding Sexual Identity: A Resource for Youth Ministry, explains that “our culture is a little caught up on sexual activity.” He mentioned worldwide studies that reveal the value of sexual egalitarianism for intimacy.
  • Yarhouse cited Edward Laumann’s sexual survey involving 27,000 people across the world, investigating “nations where there are pretty rigid cultural norms verses more egalitarian social norms.” In such broad studies, Yarhouse reported, “you are seeing greater satisfaction in the countries that would be more likely to be egalitarian.” People in such societies tend to be interested in satisfying the desires of both partners, so the quality of intimacy is greater.
  • “When you’re in a culture where men are more traditional and those gaps are more significant, you may have practices and habits that are less fulfilling to the female,” Yarhouse explained.

Note that this article quotes Strachan, who is a sexist.

To read one rebuttal of some of his views, please see this link (from Rachel Held Evans – whom I disagree with on some topics, but I am totally with her on the gender complementarian topic):

(Link): If men got the Titus 2 Treatment… (on Rachel Held Evan’s blog, addressing a blog post by Owen Strachan)

Anyhoooooo. It’s fascinating that Christians feel the need to keep pouring on incentives to stop people from fooling around outside of marriage.

Christians can’t just quote the parts of the Bible that say fornication is a no-no, they have to quote studies that claim your married sex life will be rocking if only you do “X” or avoid “Z.”

Or, this may be serving to bolster sexist “biblical womanhood” and gender complementarian unbiblical nonsense.

One great thing about getting off the Baptist and evangelical merry-go-round is not having to give a crap about these things so much. I don’t let them guide my life anymore. But I do feel sad and offended for people still sucked into these world views and lifestyles.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link):  One key to a happier sex life: Share child care duties equally, new (2015) research finds

(Link): False Christian Hype About Waiting Until Marriage For Sex – We’ve Gone From “It’s Mindblowing” to Now: “It’s Magical” Re: Timothy Keller / Tim Keller Virginity Celibacy Singles PreMarital Sex

(Link): Problems Created by Conservative Christian Teachings About Virginity, Sex, and Marriage: Christian Couple Who Were Virgins At Marriage Are Experiencing Sexual Problems – Re: UnVeiled Wife (Marriage does not guarantee great sex)

(Link): Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(Link): Do men really have higher sex drives than women? (article/study)

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): Gotta Maintain that Propaganda that Married Christian Sex is “Mind Blowing”

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

Wives Are Now More Educated than Husbands In the U.S.

Wives Are Now More Educated than Husbands In the U.S.

(Link): Wives Are Now More Educated than Husbands In the U.S.

Excerpt:

    For the first time in 50 years, the educational balance among married couples has tipped towards women. Wives are more likely to be the better educated partner than the other way around. The trend is particularly sharp among newlyweds; in 2012 almost 40% of college educated women were married to a guy without a degree.

    This is a big reversal from the 30 year trend between 1960 and 1990, when it was the men who were marrying down, educationally speaking.

    …The trend is not necessarily due to the fact that women are smarter than men. More women than men have been graduating from college at all levels—bachelors, masters and doctoral—for several years, so it was simply a matter of time until the marriage pool reflected that.

    …While most married couples still have similar education levels, that percentage too is dropping. In 1960, 80% of couples were equally educated. Five decades later that figure has fallen to 60%. This is despite the increasing tendency of college graduates to marry each other.

    “Adults with high school or less education are much less likely to marry,” writes Pew researcher Wendy Wang, who authored the new report. “

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Related posts:

(Link): Over 10 Million Men of Prime Working Age Are Unemployed in the US and Experts Think It’s Causing Declining Marriage Rates

(Link): Astonishing: Evangelical Baptist Marriage Idolater David E. Prince Wants to Know Why Evangelical Baptists Are Not Worshipping Marriage More

(Link): Study: Conservative Protestants’ divorce rates spread to their red state neighbors

(Link): Remarriage rates plunge as divorced Americans have doubts – and about Christian culture and divorce and remarriage vs singleness

(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage

(Link): The First Lesson of Marriage 101: There Are No Soul Mates – from The Atlantic

(Link): Oklahoma to End Marriage and Make Divorce More Difficult – News Links (One report says more early marriage in Okla. seems to lead to more divorce)

(Link): Did Gay Marriage Provoke A Conversation About No Marriage At All? (editorial)

(Link): Why So Many Baby Boomers are Getting Divorced (article)