Monogamous And Nonmonogamous Men’s Brains Respond Differently To Romantic Images

Monogamous And Nonmonogamous Men’s Brains Respond Differently To Romantic Images by Z. Vrangalova

(Link): Monogamous And Nonmonogamous Men’s Brains Respond Differently To Romantic Images

Excerpts:

…. Results showed no differences in brain activation between the monogamous and nonmonogamous men when they were watching sexual images: Both groups found these images equally arousing. Given that sexual behavior is inherently pleasurable for humans (no continuation of the species without it, really!), this was hardly surprising.

However, the brains of the two groups differed quite a bit when it came to romantic stimuli.

Continue reading “Monogamous And Nonmonogamous Men’s Brains Respond Differently To Romantic Images”

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Transgender SJW Liberal Person: Biological, Lesbian Women Should Want to Date People Who Have Penises

Transgender SJW Liberal Person: Biological, Lesbian Women Should Want to Date People Who Have Penises

I am posting about this not so much because this is a Transgender person featured, or because he (she) is talking about how “women have penises too,” but to comment upon this attitude that people are wrong to be attracted to whomever they wish.

Continue reading “Transgender SJW Liberal Person: Biological, Lesbian Women Should Want to Date People Who Have Penises”

Emotional Labor and Female- On- Female Emotional Exploitation

Emotional Labor and Female- On- Female Emotional Exploitation

I was thinking about possibly writing a post or two more about the concept of Emotional Labor in the future.

First, here is a primer from another site explaining a little bit about what this issue is about, with a few comments by me farther (way farther) below it:

(Link):  50 Ways People Expect Constant Emotional Labor from Women and Femmes

Excerpt:

Emotional labor is the exertion of energy for the purpose of addressing people’s feelings, making people comfortable, or living up to social expectations. It’s called “emotional labor” because it ends up using – and often draining – our emotional resources.

Now, don’t get me wrong: Asking friends for advice, reaching out to people in your line of work, and other actions I’m about to mention can be part of a healthy relationship. The issue arises when it’s not reciprocal.

Many marginalized people can tell you that people frequently make demands of them that cross the line from participation in a mutual relationship to work – and unpaid work, at that.

Because we’re assumed to be naturally emotionally intelligent and nurturing, people don’t always understand that this is work for us. And because we’re expected to put others before ourselves, a lot of people don’t even care.

Here are just a few of the many ways that women and femmes, in particular, are expected to perform emotional labor without compensation or acknowledgement throughout their lives:

2. Friends offload their problems – sometimes serious problems that we’re not equipped to handle – onto us before we have agreed to talk about them, often expecting an immediate response.

3. Casual acquaintances and sometimes complete strangers do the same, often over the Internet and often sharing triggering details

6. When we have relatives or friends with physical or mental illnesses, they and their loved ones are more likely to reach out to us than men to take care of them.

Continue reading “Emotional Labor and Female- On- Female Emotional Exploitation”

Liberal Identity Politics, Transgenderism, & Disregarding the Safety of Hetero Cisgender Women

Liberal Identity Politics, Transgenderism, & Disregarding the Safety of Hetero Cisgender Women

(This post has been edited a few times to add a few more thoughts or new links)

The “Arguments by Liberals” Section is located about one-fourth down this page; look for the sub-heading “Arguments by Liberals”


(Link): Transgender Activism Has Produced a Legal Absurdity

by E. Whelan

But the Obama administration and transgender activists have shown no interest in sensible compromises that give any weight to the privacy or safety interests of others.

Never mind that the transgender policy on restrooms and showers makes it much easier for any man or boy with nefarious or mischievous purposes to gain access to the girls’ facilities. // end quotes

I have a friend on Twitter who I sometimes have private conversations with via Direct Messaging on Twitter.

One very disturbing and annoying tendency among liberals has grabbed her attention and mine, that we’ve discussed privately:

messyToilet
“Coming Soon To Women’s Restrooms Everywhere” – (image first discovered on James D. Nichols Twitter)

Many Liberals not only build a hierarchy of which groups of people they believe are more worthy of protection, consideration, and respect than other groups (which I find odd and troubling), but they further go on to almost always place hetero, cisgender (and ones who happen to be caucasian) women at the very bottom of this hierarchy.

Women in general seem to go at the bottom of this liberal pyramid, regardless of ethnic group, skin color, or nationality – I guess it can depend on the specific context under consideration.

Continue reading “Liberal Identity Politics, Transgenderism, & Disregarding the Safety of Hetero Cisgender Women”

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men

I’m only copying one point off the page.

What this excerpt discusses from a secular view is similar to what occurs in Christianity: many Christians also believe that all men are randy horn dogs who want sex 24/7, but, they also believe and teach that women (especially married ones) hate sex and have to be convinced or shamed into having more sex.

I’ve posted links to news stories and studies before that mention that women want sex just as much as men. One headline I have on my blog that I saw in the news was something like, “Women’s sex appetite rivals men’s, when they think nobody is judging.”

See, in American society, if a woman is sexual or admits to wanting or liking sex, she will often be thought of as a slut. This happens both within and out the church – secular culture is kind of like this, too. Though it seems secular culture is a little more open to the idea of women wanting sex or having sex than Christian culture is.

Anyway, the cultural mores are such that even if a woman really enjoys sex, wants sex, she will be hesitant to act like it or admit it for fear of getting the “slut” label by other people or by her church. I don’t think that’s something that people often consider, especially not conservative Christians.

(Link): Here are 5 stupid, unfair and sexist things expected of men

Excerpts:

  • … But we don’t talk as much about how sexism hurts men. Understandably. When you look at the grotesque ways women are damaged by sexism—from economic inequality to political disenfranchisement to literal, physical abuse—it makes perfect sense that we’d care more about how sexism, patriarchy and rigid gender roles affect women than we do about how they affect men.
  • But men undoubtedly get screwed up by this stuff, too. Not screwed up as badly as women, to be sure… but not trivially, either.
  • [Sexist Things Expected of Men]
  • 3. Be hot to trot. Always. With anybody.
  • This is another expectation that came up with striking (although hardly surprising) frequency.
  • Men are supposed to want sex — and be ready for sex — all the time.
  • With pretty much anyone of the right gender who makes themselves available for it.

Continue reading “Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina”

Stop Assuming Dads With Daughters Must Be Disappointed by R. P. Payne

Stop Assuming Dads With Daughters Must Be Disappointed by R. P. Payne

I’ve never understood men who are obsessed with sons (with having one – with being upset if their wife turns out to be pregnant with a girl rather than a boy). Or mothers who are obsessed with having daughters.

(Link): Stop Assuming Dads With Daughters Must Be Disappointed by R. P. Payne

Excerpts:

  • When my mom gets asked about our family, she’ll say she has “four grown children.” She omits the fact that all four of those children are daughters.
  • “I’m just tired of it,” she said. “The dismayed facial expressions, the pity for your dad. I’d rather just not go down that path.”
  • Fathers of daughters—even one, but especially three, four, or more—know this reaction all too well. Corey Widmer, pastor of Third Church in Richmond, Virginia, is the father to four young girls. He noticed that “90 percent of the time, when I tell people I have four girls, the reaction is negative. If it is positive, it’s usually because they came from a family of all girls.”

  • We assume, on some level, that having so many daughters must be a disappointment for dads. Ask nearly any of these fathers, though, and it’s far from the truth.

(( click here to read the rest ))

Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic) / Men Who Mistake Platonic Friendliness For Flirting – So Annoying

Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic)

Some people confuse what this article from The Atlantic terms “persistent pursuing” with courtship. That is, men do it all the time, and some women, due to Hollywood Rom Coms, have been conditioned to view this as normal, romantic behavior.

May I add another related issue: men who mistake platonic chit chat with flirting?

That drives me up the wall. It’s one reason I am usually loathe to enter into pleasantries with men I don’t know when I’m in stores or sitting around in waiting rooms, because many men mistake idle, polite banter for,

  • “Oooh, this lady is into me, she is warm for my form, she wants to marry me and make babies with me, I am one sexy beast, grrrrr.”

So these men ask for your phone number or they get all flirty back. And you, the woman, are like, “I did NOT send this dude any sexy signals, where is this coming from?”

No, dude, my romantic interest is only in your imagination. (Duran Duran (Link): sang of this very concept.)

Me saying stuff like, “Wow, some crazy weather we’ve been having lately, huh?” as we’re sitting in Wal-Mart’s auto care center waiting for our tires to be rotated is not me hitting on you.

Me hitting on you, men of the world, consists of me putting one hand behind my head, one hand on a jutted out hip, head tilted back, eyes narrowly parted, and me saying something (in a seductive sounding, cat like purr), like, “Hey there big boy, you come here all alone? Mama likes what she sees! May I have your phone number? Are you free for a date this Saturday?”

Think (Link): this.

Yes, (Link): this is what a woman who is flirting with you looks like, the facial expression and mannerisms.

About men who refuse to take “no” for an answer from a woman they are interested in, who confuse pursuing with stalking: other than entitlement, I wonder if what drives some of these men is a sense that they HATE to be alone and MUST have a romantic partner to “complete them.”

I know this sort of thinking is very common among a lot of women. I think secular society (and Christian culture) does try to convince people there is no way they can be whole and happy single. There is a lot of pressure on people to pair up and date or marry.

Culture (especially through movies and TV shows) and churches need to stop sending this bogus message that there is something wrong, flawed, or second class about being single as an adult.

There is no disgrace in being single. I understand if you are single and lonely and pine for a significant other how hard it can be at times, but you are okay on your own.

You are not some loser or in-complete if you don’t have a mate, contrary to the messages Christians and Hollywood like to send us all.

(Link):  Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending by Julie Beck

Excerpts:

  • Overly persistent pursuit is a staple of movie love stories, but a new study shows that it could normalize some troubling behaviors.
  • …Reasonable people know that rom-coms aren’t what love is really like, just as reasonable people know that porn is not what sex is really like. But these movies still create an image of romance that leaks into the atmosphere and may subtly shape people’s perceptions and expectations of love.
  •  One troubling way they may do that is by making stalking behaviors seem like a normal part of romance, according to (Link): a new study by Julia Lippman, a postdoctoral fellow in the department of communication studies at the University of Michigan.
  • …[Lipman says] “Indeed, they may be seen as reflecting one of the great cultural myths of romantic love: that no matter how big the obstacle, love will conquer all.”
  • The website TV Tropes, which tracks, wiki-style, frequently-used narrative devices—not just on TV, but in all kinds of fiction—has a page for this. It’s aptly titled (Link): “Stalking Is Love.”Lippman files stalking under the broader umbrella of “persistent pursuit,” which can also encompass “more benign and even positively regarded behaviors such as some types of romantic courtship,” she writes.

    Continue reading “Romantic Comedies: When Stalking Has a Happy Ending (from The Atlantic) / Men Who Mistake Platonic Friendliness For Flirting – So Annoying”

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

Here is a long excerpt from the review:

(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

  • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
  • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

    Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

    With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

    They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

    … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

    … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

    Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why “Religious Liberty” has Replaced It) – by E C Miller

Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why “Religious Liberty” has Replaced It) – by E C Miller

I am right wing, somewhat Christian, and believe that many Christians and secular conservatives have made the nuclear family and marriage into idols, which is wrong.

I am not opposed out-right to the traditional family, marriage, or to motherhood, and so forth, in and of themselves, but I am in disagreement at how so many right wingers and Christians elevate all those things to the point that they end up marginalizing anyone who does not fit the mould of “married with children.”

Anyone who is infertile, child free, divorced, never married, widowed, and what have you, is excluded or treated shabbily by the majority of “family values” obsessed right wingers and Christians, which again, in my view, is terribly wrong and unfair.

Here is an article explaining how and why the religious right elevated “the family” in their rhetoric:

(Link): Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why Religious Liberty has Replaced It) by E C Miller

Excerpts:

  • From about 1970 until about 2000, American politics was largely driven by concern about the nuclear family. As established social hierarchies came under fire from the civil rights movement, the gay rights movement, second-wave feminism, and others, conservative advocacy groups and their political allies demanded a return to the idealized family of the past. “Family values” became the rallying cry of a countermovement bent on holding the traditional line.
  • Seth Dowland is Assistant Professor in the Department of Religion at Pacific Lutheran University. His book, Family Values and the Rise of the Christian Right, charts the influence of Christian “family values” advocacy across three decades and a variety of issues.
  • RD’s Eric C. Miller spoke with Dowland about the project, the politics, and the significance of family in the United States.
  • You introduce “family values” as the key term of the Christian Right in the late twentieth-century United States. Why was this term so influential for this group in this place and time? 
  • Many of the political reforms enacted from the 1930s through the 1960s—particularly the expansion of the welfare state and the passage of civil rights legislation—attempted to expand equal rights to all people.
  • Political liberals celebrated these developments, while conservatives looked around the nation at the beginning of the 1970s and saw economic stagnation, riots, sexual revolution, a decline in patriotism, and an increase in crime and drug use. Ministers and political conservatives argued that America was in decline. They believed that decline happened because of the demise of the “traditional family.”

Continue reading “Why “Family Values” Defined Conservative Christianity (and Why “Religious Liberty” has Replaced It) – by E C Miller”

Discipling Healthy Male/Female Relationships in the Church Part 1 by Wendy Alsup

Discipling Healthy Male/Female Relationships in the Church Part 1 by W. Alsup

I am fairly certain that the woman who wrote this is a gender complementarian.

I myself am a former (note: FORMER) gender complementarian. I believe that Ms. Alsup might be a “soft” complementarian. If I am mistaken about that, I am sorry.

I’m only somewhat familiar with Ms. Alsup’s writings and views, and if I am remembering correctly, she is not terribly extreme in her gender role views and sometimes writes blog posts criticizing aspects of gender comp, such as the one that follows, though I believe she may support beliefs that women are not to be preachers in churches and so on.

As I’ve noted on my own blog time and again, Christians, especially gender complementarian ones, tend to sexualize any and all persons and relationships.

Of course, secular culture and left wing Christians can also be very bad about sexualizing anything and everything, though, hypocritically, the progressives profess to feeling “icked out” by Christian sponsored “Daddy Daughter” balls and date.

The progressives who find “Daddy Daughter” dates to be patriarchal and incestuous in undertone are often the same ones who sexualize hetero male-female relationships, or male-male relationships.

Progressive Christians or ex Christians tend to operate in the school of “it’s impossible for men and women to be platonic friends.” You can view an example of that here, in left leaning SCCL’s facebook thread about (link): Daddy Daughter dates.

To a degree, I share some of their (their =  SCCL or liberal) reservations or concerns about “Daddy Daughter” dates, but then, I’m also not running around acting as though men and women are incapable of being buddies.  I am not insisting that any and all male-female relationships are sexual, or have sexual undertones, or the potential to be sexual.

One very unfortunate result of conservative Christians, especially the gender complementarians, sexualizing everyone and anything, is that unmarried, adult women are treated like suspected harlots and are consequently shunned or excluded from social events, church functions, or friendships with married persons.

Married persons are coached in Christian sermons, marriage blogs, and TV programs, to steer clear of single women. This practice of shunning single women is sometimes referred to as the “Billy Graham Rule.” (Please see the bottom of this post, under the “Related Posts” section, for links to more information about that.)

(Link): Discipling Healthy Male/Female Relationships in the Church Part 1 by Wendy Alsup

Excerpts:

  • … What was God’s purpose in creating two genders to work together to image Him out into His kingdom? For a time, conservative evangelicals simplistically set up marriage as the ultimate purpose for the creation of two genders, particularly around Genesis 2:18.

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

  • However, if you embrace Jesus as the key to understanding all of Scripture, then Jesus’ words on marriage in eternity give us necessary clarification on the purpose of the creation of two genders in Genesis 1 and 2.
  • God’s purposes for interactions between the two genders in this first sinless perfection in Eden is informed by glimpses of the second.
  • In Luke 20, the Sadducees ask Jesus a question about whose wife in heaven a woman would be if she had multiple husbands on earth. In His answer, Jesus is clear that in heaven we do not marry. (Actually, we do marry, but Jesus is the groom.) Jesus teaches us that the ultimate goal in perfection for men and women is not human marriage to each other.
  • But then, what is left for perfect male/female relationships if not human marriage? Well, a TON is left. But we are warped as a society away from valuing the vast wealth of human male/female relationships that don’t involve sex. 

Continue reading “Discipling Healthy Male/Female Relationships in the Church Part 1 by Wendy Alsup”

Baptizing “Masculinity”: The Real Reason Men are Leaving the Church by Luke T. Harrington

Baptizing “Masculinity”: The Real Reason Men are Leaving the Church

The link to the page by Luke T. Harrington is farther down the page.

Churches sure do invest a lot of time investigating why men are supposedly fed up with church and churches then bend themselves into pretzels trying to cater to men to retain them.

If churches cared as much about women and appealing to them, perhaps more and more women would not be abandoning churches or the faith (I’ve seen studies come out the last few years saying more and more Christian women are either leaving churches, or leaving the faith itself, because they are not being welcomed due to their gender).

Churches need to be just as concerned they may be offending or excluding women as they are men, but they don’t. Most of them remain stubbornly fixated on soothing the egos of injured males, but don’t care how they are hurting or alienating women.

Hyping “masculinity” to appeal to men alienates a lot of women.

One way in which this occurs is that churches think the way to build up the masculine is to mock anything and everything feminine, so by extension, Christian women, who are taught to express so-called (stereotypical) feminine traits in the extreme (be nurturing, passive, quiet, sweet, etc) end up feeling even more like trash.

The very characteristics Christian women are told by pastors to possess (such as be passive, gentle, meek) are the very same ones that the churches denigrate week in and week out, and that they try to stamp out in churches, and at that, in order to attract men.

This is not a winning strategy for keeping women active and involved in a church.

It also turns off “normal” men, the ones who are maybe Non-Christian, secure in their manhood, who find the super “cave man,” manly man antics of some churches totally bizarre and irrelevant.

(Link): Baptizing “Masculinity”: The Real Reason Men are Leaving the Church by Luke T. Harrington

Excerpts:

  • …The dominant narrative at the moment is that, while church attendance is down across the board, men in particular are staying home on Sunday mornings ( (Link): some stats here). And while there has been much hand-wringing over this reality, there has, to my knowledge, been very little serious introspection over it.

Continue reading “Baptizing “Masculinity”: The Real Reason Men are Leaving the Church by Luke T. Harrington”

48 Things Men / Women Hear in a Lifetime (That Are Bad For Everyone)

48 Things Men / Women Hear in a Lifetime (That Are Bad For Everyone)

(Link): 48 Things Men Hear In A Lifetime (That Are Bad For Everyone) 

  • Watch 70 years of “be a real man” in under two minutes.

(Link):  48 Things Women Hear In A Lifetime (That Men Just Don’t)

  • Watch 80 years of subtle sexism in under two minutes.
  • Don’t be a slut, but definitely don’t be too prude. Don’t be so emotional, but don’t be a cold-hearted bitch. Prioritize your family over your career, but are you sure you want to be a stay-at-home mom?

Continue reading “48 Things Men / Women Hear in a Lifetime (That Are Bad For Everyone)”

Men Are Attracted to Nonconformist Women (Scientific American article)

Men Are Attracted to Nonconformist Women

(Link):  Men Are Attracted to Nonconformist Women

  • The popular idea that women should try to conform or be submissive around men is outdated
  •  by Matthew Hutson
  • September 1, 2015
  • Men are often advised to stand out from the crowd to attract women—there can be only one alpha male.
  • Women, on the other hand, are told not to be too weird.
  • This advice has sunk in: a 2006 study found that when in a mating mind-set, men become less conformist and women become more so.
  • A paper in the June issue of Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, however, reports that we have it all wrong.

Continue reading “Men Are Attracted to Nonconformist Women (Scientific American article)”

Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)

Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)

My memory is a bit rusty here, but in a previous, older editorial on Salon, either Marcotte ridiculed women who choose to remain virgins until marriage, or, when she was mocking the concept of virgin- until- marriage, it escaped her notice that some women, of their own volition, choose to abstain until marriage.

I blogged about this before here, on my blog:

Either way it went, Marcotte ended up ridiculing the choice of some women to stay virgins until marriage – and some women do in fact choose to remain virgins until marriage, like this lady, who was in the media about a month ago:

This recent editorial at Salon, by Marcotte, is my reason for writing this blog post today:

(Link):  Now we’re leering at suicide bombers: The grotesque objectification of Hasna Ait Boulahcen by Amanda Marcotte

Here are a few excerpts from that page, about a woman terrorist who was blown up in Paris, France (I have some more comments below these excerpts):

  • by Amanda Marcotte
  • November 20, 2105
  • …But Boulahcen [woman terrorist] was female, and so the forces of sexual objectification are kicking in, creating a grotesque display.
  • …Both articles obsessively comb over every detail of Boulahcen’s pre-conversion life: Her partying, her drinking, the amount of sex they suspect she had, her clothes and even her “heavy makeup”, which both articles take pains to point out. It’s the same kind of thing you see these right wing rags doing day in and out, simultaneously inviting their audiences to leer at and sit in judgment of young women for their clothes, their sexual choices…

Continue reading “Salon Author Amanda Marcotte Thinks Media Shouldn’t Judge Women’s Sexuality But She Has Mocked Women Over Their Sexual Choices Before (To Remain Virgins)”

A Critique of the Post: How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships – from STR

A Critique of: How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships – from STR (Stand To Reason apologetics)

I think this editorial from STR misses the mark, or it comes too late, or, it overlooks the damage typical Christian stereotypes about HETERO relationships and sexual proclivities has had upon friendship.

That is, paranoid Christian teaching that is intended to keep hetero singles from committing fornication ALSO sexualizes all relationships, even friendship.

However, this paper from STR, this post by a woman named Amy Hall, is claiming the normalization of homosexuality and acceptance of homosexual marriage is doing that, that it is sexualizing same gender friendships – which maybe it is, to a degree, but I am not going to let the Christian hypocrisy go on this one.

Christians do not believe it is possible for a man and woman to be friends.

Evangelicals, Baptists, and a lot of Reformed material I’ve seen, wrongly assume there is always sexual attraction between a man and a woman, or that any sexual attraction (if it does exist) will always end in sex, no exceptions, and it is further assumed that people lack sexual self control.

According to mainstream Christian thinking, you cannot expect a man and woman left alone NOT to end up getting naked and doing the sex. It’s a rather immature, junior highish, juvenile view of sex and genders, if you ask me. If you are an adult, you can damn well control yourself.

These Christian assumptions that men and women cannot be friends is so deeply ingrained, it’s to the point that even one of the women who posted this STR blog page – who is named Amy  (at least I think this is the same Amy as the one who posted the blog page, it may be a different Amy) – said this in a comment she left so a reader on the page:

  • Sam, I don’t think it’s so much about a fear that people will think you’re gay. I think it’s more that when the theoretical possibility of a sexual relationship is always culturally there, you keep a certain distance.
  • Think about friendships between men and women. I hold friendships with men at a certain distance, not wanting to signal that the friendship is heading towards a sexual relationship (doubly true for married men), so I have closer friendships with good women friends where emotional intimacy is safe.

The only reason you feel a need, or feel shamed to “hold friendships with men at a certain distance, especially married ones” is because Christians have sexualized all people and all relationships.

I see no reason why hetero Amy cannot have a close relationship with a married man. She has simply been conditioned by secular and Christian culture to think such is impossible, because her getting close to a married dude will either end in sex, or busy-bodies in her church will assume the two are boinking (even if they are not).

There is no biblical reason why a single woman cannot be friends with a married guy.

And the “don’t even fall for the appearance of evil” Bible verse is not applicable here, folks. Nope.

Verses and teachings like that get abused and stretched to a point by Christians they were never intended to, and they nullify other teachings of God in the Bible, like this:

  •  [Jesus Christ speaking],
  • “For Moses said, ‘HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER’; and, ‘HE WHO SPEAKS EVIL OF FATHER OR MOTHER, IS TO BE PUT TO DEATH’; 11 but you say, ‘If a man says to his father or his mother, whatever I have that would help you is Corban (that is to say, given to God),’ 12 you no longer permit him to do anything for his father or his mother; 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that.”… (source)

One factor I’ve raised on this blog time and again (with links to prove it, you can start here) is that often times, married men seek out affairs with married women (and vice versa). See also this link. And this link.

It’s not that single women are more prone to sleep with a married guy than a married woman is. Plenty of time, married people have affairs with other married people. Sometimes, married men hit on single women – the single women are not initiating (see this link for example).

There is nothing about marriage that makes a person immune from sexual sin, or that being married gives married persons stronger character – it’s not that single women prey on married men, or that they are more apt to stalk married guys, or that single women have weaker constitutions that make them more likely to engage in sexual sin.

I will also add here that the basis for these stereotypes – that men and women cannot be friends, etc – usually comes from a traditional gender role view, which is actually sexist in nature against women – Christian gender complementarians are often the ones guilty of pushing these views.

Gender complementarians are notorious for making all manner of unfounded, unbiblical assumptions about men and women, and erecting tight, small boxes for men and women, and in related matters, such as how to date. I have touched on those issues (Link): here and here. See also this post.

(Link): How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships

Here are some excerpts:

  • In a review of Anthony Esolen’s new book, Defending Marriage: Twelve Arguments for Sanity, Matthew Franck explains the unintended effect same-sex marriage will have on friendships in our society:

The fallout from the destruction and redefinition of marriage spreads still more widely, even beyond the immediate territory of the family. Deep friendship between members of the same sex is now in grave danger.

To show us why, Esolen asks us to imagine a world in which the incest taboo is erased (and that is a world that may not be far off). In such a place, “You see a father hugging his teenage daughter as she leaves the car to go to school. The possibility flashes before your mind. The language has changed, and the individual can do nothing about it.”

So too, in the world that is rapidly embracing and recognizing homosexual relationships as normal and normative, the space for deep and meaningful male-male or female-female friendships among the young is rapidly shrinking to the vanishing point.

[// end quote]

…. I’ve already seen a change happening in interpretations of friendships, most recently in the discussion over Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s friendship with Eberhard Bethge, and it’s upsetting to me that people might shy away from close friendships for this reason. –

[//end blog excerpt by Amy Hall]

Here is a comment I left on their page (I see now it contains a few typing errors):

  • Actually, Christians have been doing this for ages now. I blog about it often.
  • I have a blog on Word Press called “Christian Pundit” (not to be confused with another Word Press blog of a very similar name, “THE Christian Pundit”) where I explain how mainstream evangelical and other conservative Christian teaching about the genders, dating, and sex carry the same exact attitudes you are discussing in your post.
  • In a lot of Christian material on the genders, marriage, sex, dating, etc, Christians make the same (incorrect) assumptions as secular society does about these topics, with the result that everything is sexualized.
  • A few examples of what I mean:

Continue reading “A Critique of the Post: How Same-Sex Marriage Will Affect Friendships – from STR”