Guy Cheats On His Wife And Divorces Her, Expects Her To Mother His Kids From The Affair After His Second Wife’s Death
So what we have here is a guy who had an affair on his first wife.
(A sixteen year old girl wrote in asking for advice about all this. This guy she’s talking about is her father.)
This guy and Wife 1 had two children together, a boy and a girl.
Wife 1 divorced him (or he divorced her), and the guy married his mistress, who became Wife 2, “Kate.”
The guy and Kate had two kids together, “Ellie” and “Tommy.”
Ellie was a product of the guy’s affair – that is, while this guy was married to Wife 1, he committed adultery with Kate, and Kate got knocked up with Ellie. Tommy, the boy, was born AFTER the guy married Kate.
After X number of years of marriage, Kate died.
Now, the two kids of Kate and the guy (Ellie and Tommy) miss their mother and miss having a maternal figure in their lives, and they – and the ex Husband (their biological father) – are now demanding that Wife 1 act as their mother and start including them in holidays, “babying” them, acting maternal towards them, and what not.
Wife 1 and her kids from the first marriage want nothing to do with this arrangement. (And I don’t blame them.)
If I remember right, Kate’s family cut ties with Kate and the guy and their two kids (Ellie and Tommy) because they were upset, offended, or angry that Kate was a mistress who stole this guy away from his first wife.
Look, I feel for those kids (Ellie and Tommy). It has to be difficult to lose your mother especially at a young age, but it’s not Wife 1’s responsibility to step up to the plate to “mother” the two kids popped out by Former Mistress Kate (who became Wife 2).
I think that the dad (the ex husband) is entitled here – very entitled. It’s bad enough this ass hat cheated on Wife 1 with Kate, but he’s also now demanding that Wife 1 take over “mother” duties for the kids he and Kate had together.
Let me tell you – if you’re a single woman on a dating site or app, watch out for things like this.
Dating a parent (a person with children from a previous marriage) can be a huge mistake. This guy is probably on dating apps and sites right now, seeking Wife 3, or, if he’s not on dating sites now, he will probably join one in the future.
On any of his dating site profiles, he will probably omit that he lost Wife 1 via divorce due to his affair with “Kate.” He’ll leave that out, and just expect YOU to baby and take care of his children by Kate.
Avoid guys like this. Avoid, avoid, avoid. It’s better to stay single than get mixed up in taking on responsibilities and selfish, irresponsible, entitled ass clowns like this guy.
It’s not Wife 1’s job or duty to be a care taker and/or free therapist to his two children by Kate who are probably in the grieving process.
This father in this example needs to be spending time with both his children, attending to their emotional needs as they are grieving their mother. He also probably needs to take them each to separate, regular therapy sessions for a couple of years, so they can talk and cry to a therapist and work through their grief.
He may also want to try signing them up for free Grief Share meetings, that tend to meet regularly at churches around the nation (Grief Share meetings are free). They can sit in a circle of other people and talk through their feelings of loss and get their emotional needs met that way.
I do feel bad for the kids who are currently around ages 9 and 11. At that age, all they know is, their real mom is gone, they are grieving her, and they are wanting a maternal figure they can go to.
From their perspective, they aren’t going to see why it’s a big deal for the step-mom to step up and act as their mother now. I can totally understand from THEIR view why and how they can feel that way.
It’s a sad situation… because from the adult perspective, the step-mother owes the 9 and 11 year old nothing, but the kids are going to have a difficult time understanding or accepting that. The choice is hers, the adult woman, as to whether or not take on the role of acting like a maternal figure to them.
Sounds to me as though this guy is selfish and doesn’t want to do any parenting; he just wants to dump the two kids off at the ex-wife’s (Wife 1’s) house and have her cater to them as they cry and weep over their dead mom.
If this guy wants his second batch of two kids to have a mother, he needs to get re-married. It’s not the responsibility of Wife 1 to “act as a mother figure” to his second set of kids by his mistress Kate. That this guy would even THINK this is acceptable is a clue to me he’s probably a narcissist.
This dad should stop using his 16 year old daughter by Wife 1 as a pawn in all this. He’s going to her, the teen daughter, to get her to try to convince Wife 1 to be a mother figure to his second set of kids.
Also: notice how being married and a father did NOT make this man more ethical, responsible, mature, or godly.
Excerpts (the site summarizes the story while also providing screen shots of the original poster’s text):
by Konstancija Gasaitytė and Monika Pašukonytė
…Despite thinking that family is something that makes us feel safe and secure, sometimes because of certain twists and turns, it tends to fall apart.
Having this in mind, Reddit user @u/Affectionate_Kick521 decided to share the situation she found herself in that involved her parents and siblings.
The story which received more than 12k upvotes soon started a discussion online about how parents should behave in situations like this and how kids shouldn’t be the ones telling their parents how to deal with difficult circumstances.
The 16-year-old author of the post started her story by sharing that she lived with her mom, dad, and her brother until it was revealed that her dad was having an affair.
After the news broke out, the man and his wife divorced and he went to live with and eventually marry the other woman, Kate.
Together they had two kids: 11-year-old Ellie and 9-year-old Tommy. After a year, Kate died and this is when all the problems started.