What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

Pierce is a Christian stand-up comic.

There is an embedded audio file on the web page I am linking you to:

(Link): What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating

When it comes to comedy and faith, Chonda Pierce is unashamed.

Her bold, tell-it-like-it-is style has audiences begging her for more stories, and she delivers in the new documentary, Unashamed, in theaters May 7 and 9.

“It’s interesting, my life right now,” Pierce shares in a new interview. “I have my third documentary, and I’m still alive. You know, usually they do documentaries for dead people.”

Continue reading “What Happened When Chonda Pierce Tried Online Dating”

Widow Whose Husband Died Sues Over ‘Loss of Sex’

Widow Whose Husband Died Sues Over ‘Loss of Sex’

So, being married does not, contra conservative and Christian propaganda I heard often while growing up, guarantee an end to loneliness (if your spouse dies), and it does not guarantee hot, steady sex.

(Link): Woman whose husband died sues for £650k over ‘loss of SEX’

Jamie Finnegan was left brain-damaged and passed away in 2018 after a procedure at Brisbane Hospital went wrong six years ago

By Jenny Awford

THE widow of a husband who died after a botched medical treatment is suing the Australian government for £650,000 over a loss of sex.

Continue reading “Widow Whose Husband Died Sues Over ‘Loss of Sex’”

Dating App Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Thankful You Are Single on Valentine’s Day by D. Cho

(Link): Dating App Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Thankful You Are Single on Valentine’s Day by D. Cho

Excerpts:

As if dating wasn’t hard enough, dating apps have found a way to turn things from hard to damn near impossible. Between dodging catfishes to praying your date is a real person and not a bot, the odds of finding love through an app can feel pretty low.

But there’s no reason to give up — dating can help build character … right? Fortunately for you, these online daters have decided to share their worst dating app experiences so you don’t have to feel alone, reminiscing about the times you wish you never swiped right.

Robin, 37

“After going on too many first dates that weren’t panning out, including one where I drove 40 minutes to hear a guy brag about illegally squatting in a foreclosed house for a year, I decided to filter the guys I date like I do for work. (I sometimes cast guys for dating shows.)

Continue reading “Dating App Horror Stories That Will Make You Feel Thankful You Are Single on Valentine’s Day by D. Cho”

Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

This editorial by Kandiah makes many of the same points I have been making on this blog the last several years.

Church is not just about spreading the Gospel (as so many Christians incorrectly assume), but God designed the church to also serve as a community, another family, where widowed, single, and divorced adults could get their needs for companionship met.

But most churches today do not want to engage in that role; all the church-goers want to go home to their homes in the suburbs with their biological families and just hang out with their families.

Many church-going Christians don’t care to invite over the divorcee’ or the widower or the never married woman and include any of those people in their lives.

(Link): Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah

Excerpts:

The Bible refers to fellow Christians as “brothers and sisters,” but how often do we treat them as family?

More Than an Event
I have met many pastors and church members who can tell similar stories. As I visit many churches that are embracing people in desperate need of family, my eyes are continually being opened not only to what family truly can be but to what church as family truly can be.

This shift in perception of what church is, and what church is for, has huge implications, not just for our own personal spiritual development but for our understanding of mission, evangelism, worship, justice, hospitality, and discipleship.

Continue reading “Church Is a Family, Not an Event by K. Kandiah”

Avid Motorcyclist 39, Crashes and Dies Just Months After He Staged FAKE Accident to Propose to His Girlfriend

Avid Motorcyclist 39, Crashes and Dies Just Months After He Staged FAKE Accident to Propose to His Girlfriend

(Link): Avid motorcyclist, 39, crashes and dies just months after he staged FAKE accident to propose to his girlfriend

An motorcyclist died in a tragic in an accident just months after he staged his own accident to propose to his girlfriend.

Miguel Angel Pena, 39, was enjoying another ride along the Dominican Republic’s resort town of Las Terrenas with a group of other bikers when he lost control of his motorcycle on a highway on Friday.

Continue reading “Avid Motorcyclist 39, Crashes and Dies Just Months After He Staged FAKE Accident to Propose to His Girlfriend”

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

As of 2018, the snotty entitlement and insensitivity of some mothers – and Christian men who support them – continues.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for a few years now on this blog. It makes me sad to see this still going on.

DefendTheSheep (person on Twitter) tweeted out a link to this reasonable essay imploring Christians to be more sensitive towards those who find the Mother’s Day holiday painful. Link to that:

(Link): Don’t Ask Moms To Stand in Church This Sunday

My problem is not with the essay itself.

As a matter of fact, I encourage you to click the link above to visit the page and read it.

My problem was with some of the hideous comments various people left below the page.

Some of the comments were just incredibly insensitive or very mistaken about why some people find Mother’s Day – especially when it’s celebrated during church services – to be hurtful or stressful.

Christians often like to teach that parenthood and marriage are necessary to make people more giving and loving and compassionate, but that is not so. The married parents leaving comments under blog posts such as the one I am discussing here are very selfish and entitled – being parents has done nothing to make them more loving, caring, or empathetic.

Continue reading “The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’”

Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows

Joanne the widow lady (Link): was just crying or complaining to Christian show host Pat Robertson that her husband died after 37 years of marriage – how do you think this groom feels, that he only got EIGHTEEN HOURS with his spouse? (And women like me have ZERO HOURS with a spouse?)

(Link): Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows

(Link): Bride battling breast cancer dies 18 hours after wedding

Bride battling breast cancer dies 18 hours after wedding. A Connecticut bride lost her battle with breast cancer just 18 hours after exchanging wedding vows with her husband. The former Heather Lindsay and David Mosher said, “I do” Dec. 22 in the chapel of St. Francis Hospital and Medical Center in Hartford.

(Link): Woman battling cancer dies hours after getting married

The story of a woman who died from cancer 18 hours after getting married has broken hearts across the world.

Heather Mosher, from Connecticut, married her husband, David Mosher a few days before Christmas, after the couple brought the wedding forward out of fears Heather wouldn’t make it to their planned ceremony on 30 December.

Continue reading “Bride Battling Cancer Dies 18 Hours After Exchanging Vows”

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Several months ago, the viewer question segment of the 700 Club’s show was called “Bring It On,” but for whatever the reason, they changed the name of the segment to “Your Questions, Honest Answers.”

On today’s (January 3, 2018) program, a woman named Joanne wrote Pat Robertson with this question (video below). I will type up a transcript of her letter (which was read aloud by the lady co-host) and then I will opine about the letter below the transcript:

Viewer Question Transcript:

My husband and I were happily married for 37 years. Every single night I prayed to God thanking him for my husband and the life we had together.

I asked God to never take him from me, for I had hoped that we would grow old together.

Then one day out of nowhere, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I was devastated and I felt like my sincere prayer must not have meant anything to God.

Continue reading “Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her”

Sex Robots Are Being Made to Look Like Customers’ Dead Wives

Sex Robots Are Being Made to Look Like Customers’ Dead Wives

I do not find this touching. It’s gross and weird.

(Link): Sex robots are being made to look like customers’ dead wives… and one firm insists it’s the best way to help with their grief

by G Harrison

For many people, the social aspects of owning a sexbot are far more important than the physical side of things

SEX robots have become so lifelike that bereaved men are flocking to order dolls designed to resemble their dead partners.

Continue reading “Sex Robots Are Being Made to Look Like Customers’ Dead Wives”

Man Seeking Soulmate After Wife Dies Threw 2,000 Messages in Bottles Into the Sea

Man Seeking Soulmate After Wife Dies Threw 2,000 Messages in Bottles Into the Sea

I feel bad for this guy. He loses his wife, does this message in a bottle thing, and a bunch of environmental grouches criticize him

(Link):   Widower, 49, who sent hundreds of messages in bottles in a search for romance finds locals don’t love his idea as they accuse him of LITTERING

(Link): Bottle man lands 50 potential dates

(Link):   Widower under fire for littering beaches with 2,000 messages in bottles

…Eighteen months after his wife, Julia, died from breast cancer, Craig Sullivan went on a mission — to find another great love.

…”That started me thinking. If I could find some good places to throw some bottles, they might wash up on your shore,” Sullivan wrote in a blog post. “You might open one and read a message.”

Continue reading “Man Seeking Soulmate After Wife Dies Threw 2,000 Messages in Bottles Into the Sea”

More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)

I don’t know how accurate this type of story is. Sometimes the media like to report ideas and leave the impression there is a huge crisis going on, because it generates panic and makes for good click-bait and gets them more views and hits.

For example:

(Link):  When Newsweek ‘Struck Terror in the Hearts of Single Women’ – Bogus Study Said Women Over 40 More Likely To Be Killed By A Terrorist Than to Marry

This story is in a UK-based paper. I’ve no idea how common this is in the United States vs. the UK. Some of the folks who left comments below the (Link): Twitter post felt that the article is “victim-blaming.” I don’t know if I took it that way or not.

I have posted other stories to this blog before of women who were killed by men they had met online, and one story about a guy who was robbed (and I think killed) by a woman he met on a dating site (she brought her male friends with her to the man’s house, and her friends killed him – she was part of the plot). I don’t think it’s necessarily “victim blaming” to remind people who use dating sites to use caution when meeting people through sites.

(Link):  The tragic story of Helen Bailey’s murder shows how easily an unscrupulous character can fool a lonely romantic by J. S-Porter

“At 49, I met and married a man within three months. It was a disaster, and I quickly realised I’d been hopelessly naïve. Sometimes the dream gets in the way of reality”

Excerpts:

A successful middle-aged woman was murdered by a partner she trusted implicitly. Helen Bailey’s story is shocking because it reveals how little she really knew about her partner of five years. How can such an intelligent person be so oblivious to the dark side of her lover’s personality?

Continue reading “More 40-Something Single Women Falling Prey to Dishonest or Violent Men in Dating (says report)”

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks

I have several topics I’d like to address here. I’m going to discuss death, grief, dating, how men are too fixated on women’s looks, etc, and so on, all in the same post.

I learned from watching the Christian program “It is Written” today (Feb 2017) that the wife of Christian TV host Mike Tucker, Gayle, died. I’m not sure when the episode was first filmed or first aired.

You can read a transcript of that episode, “From Grief To Hope” (Link, off site): here.

You might be able to watch that very episode or one like it here: (Link, off site): Coping with Grief.

I see from an online obit that Gayle Tucker passed away in April 2016.

I am sorry for his loss.

I lost my mother, and it hurt a lot.

(Link, off site):  Gayle Tucker, Beloved Marriage Counselor on Faith For Today TV, Dead at 60

April 2016 –  The prominent Adventist television personality dies after a brief struggle with pancreatic cancer.

(Link, off site):   Beloved Christian TV Host, Couples’ Counselor Dead at 60

I learned a few years ago that the hosts and backers of “It Is Written” are SDAs (Seventh Day Adventists).

I also learned from a glance over google search results that Mike Tucker is a Seventh Day Adventist.

Part of SDA theology is something called “Soul Sleep,” a view that I totally disagree with and find discouraging and cruel.

Continue reading “Death, Grief, Marriage, Single Again, Soul Sleep, Christianity, Obnoxious Male Fixation on Female Looks”

Why Being a Childless Woman is Rarely a Simple Case of Choice or Infertility – Childless by Circumstance by J. Day

Please note all you are getting here is a long excerpt. I did not paste in the whole article. The author discusses how she tried IVF at one time, or she considered using IVF, if I remember correctly.

(Link): Why being a childless woman is rarely a simple case of choice or infertilityby J Day

  • An estimated 80% of women who don’t have children are ‘childless by circumstance’, rather than choice or medical reasons
  • Feb 28, 2016
  • Before I became a statistic, by reaching my mid-forties without having children, I thought, as many of us do, that there were two ways to become a childless woman: you either didn’t want them (“child-free”) or you were infertile.
  • It has been estimated that 80 per cent of women who don’t have children are “childless by circumstance”, a phrase coined by the Australian academic Dr Leslie Cannold in her 2005 book, What, No Baby?
  • The figure comes from the work of Dr Renske Keizer, a professor at Erasmus University Rotterdam, who in a 2010 meta-analysis of data from the Netherlands and the US estimated that 10 per cent of women without children are childless by choice, 10 per cent for medical reasons, and 80 per cent by circumstance.
  • Applied to statistics about UK women, it can be estimated that there are (or shortly will be) almost 1.5 million women in their forties and fifties here who won’t have children, with only 10 per cent of those being unambiguously by choice.
  • ….Perhaps the most difficult-to-digest reason for childlessness is that of never having been in a suitable relationship.

Continue reading “Why Being a Childless Woman is Rarely a Simple Case of Choice or Infertility – Childless by Circumstance by J. Day”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

An author by the name of Carrie Lloyd was on Christian TV program The 700 Club today. She wrote a book called “Prude” about her choice to remain celibate after having been very sexually active while in her 20s. I think she also used the term “Neo Virgin” on the show and maybe in her book.

I have not read her book, I only saw her interview on the show today.

She was raised in a Christian household, but later drifted away from the Christian faith and then came back to the faith later.

I support her choice to remain celibate until marriage. I don’t have a problem there. However, I have to admit to not being fond of terms such as “Neo Virgin.”

Either you are a virgin or you are not one. I’m over 40 years of age and have never had sexual intercourse, not even with my ex fiance, because I was wanting to wait until marriage to have sex.

I find terms such as “Neo Virgin” or other Christian phrases such as “Born Again Virgin” or “Spiritual Virgin” to be a little demeaning to actual, honest to God virgins such as myself. Such terms dilute the real meaning of, or state of being, a virgin.

I also find it ironic that Christian culture continues to uphold fornicators as experts in how to resist sexual temptation or how to go about sexual purity and celibacy, rather than publish books by honest- to- God virgins who are past the age of 30 or older who are still maintaining their virginity.

Here is a link to a page that discusses Ms. Lloyd’s story and book:

(Link): Making Healthy Relationship Choices in an Unhealthy World

Excerpts:

  • ….Growing up, Carrie was teased about her stance on abstinence.  By the time she entered high school, she was infamous with the boys at the neighboring school as one of the last remaining virgins.  Once her photo was pinned to the school notice board.  She was the target to see which boy could get her to lose her virginity.  Her peers didn’t feel the same way she did.  “No one wanted to save it for one person,” says Carrie.  “This subtle prejudice toward my choices made me more determined to hold out.”
  • …. Meanwhile, women were fighting for someone to love them.  “I call this the curse of Eve,” says Carrie.  The curse says, “Everything will be redeemed once I have found my husband,” and that a woman will be happier having found her purpose.
  • THE DECADENT DAYS
  • Carrie was 18 when her father underwent a serious heart operation so severe it almost killed him and left him with some brain damage.  In his effort to deal with his pain, Carrie’s dad began to drink.  “Seeing my preacher papa enter into substance abuse caused me to question everything he taught,” says Carrie.  “What happened to relying on God?”
  • When she was 23, Carrie’s dad passed away.  One night Carried decided to walk away from God.  She was mad at God and men and started on the path of hurting others.  Several years later, Carrie had several physical relationships and reached the lowest point of her life since her father died.  She prayed to God and heard an inaudible voice that said, I’ve been here all along.  Carrie realized that God had never left her.

According to the rest of the article, and from what I remember from the TV interview, when she decided at some stage in her late 20s (or her 30s?) to remain abstinent, some of the men she dated broke up with her. One guy did stay with her for two years and respected her “no sex until I marry” belief, but the relationship ended, though not due to the celibate aspect.

Here is a page about her book:

(Link):  Prude: Misconceptions Of A Neo-Virgin

  • Overview
  • “SEX. LOVE. VIRGINITY? In the dating game, the V-word has become as strange and complicated as the L-word, with purity as outdated as pay phones.
  • What is an ex-athiest, post-porn addict, unorthodox Christian girl to do these days?
  • How can she create boundaries without scaring off every available guy? Is purity even possible without being puritanical? In this candid, humorous account of the true-life trials of Christian dating, the author shares the wisdom she’s gleaned in her quest for love in a modern world.
  • She guides with grace and honesty through the often hush-hush topics of sex, porn, shame, female competition, misconceptions about purity, and those dreaded “waiting till marriage: conversations.

————————–

Related Posts:

(Link):  Churches Would Rather Hear From Ex Porn Stars Than Adult Celibates or Virgins – Church Invites Ex Porn Star to be Guest Speaker

 (Link):   Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link): Celebrity Deems Herself A Born Again Virgin And Vows to Stay Celibate “For A Year” – Oh Puh-leaze

(Link):  Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

(Link):  How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

(Link):  She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’ – by E. Kahn

(Link):  Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example

(Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

(Link):  Hypocrisy: Secular Pundits Judge Christian Sexuality: Josh Duggar’s So-Called Vanilla Sexual Preferences Deemed Dull

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Secular, Left Wing Feminist Writer Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

(Link): Celebrities who waited until marriage to have sex (list 2)

(Link): Living Myths About Virginity – article from The Atlantic

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): Virgins and Celibates are Sexual – Not Asexual and Androgynous – You don’t have to have sex to possess sexuality

(Link): Asexuality and Asexuals

(Link):  Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

(Link):  The Decisive Marriage – Study Says Couples Who Don’t Have Pre-Marital Sex, or Not Much or Not Many Sexual Partners Pre-Marriage, Have Better Quality or Longer Lasting Marriages

(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

(Link):   Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister

(Link):  The Myth of Safe Sex by D. Foley

Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan

Even though the details of my life and situation are different, I sure did relate to this lady’s story.

My eye brow did raise at one or two points of this essay, such as her claim that people at her church encouraged her to get an abortion when she became pregnant out of wedlock, and from the way she discusses her church, they sound pretty conservative and legalistic.

Perhaps she is telling the truth and that really did happen, it’s just that most conservative Christians are pro-life, not pro-choice, so I am having a hard time picturing any of them advising a pregnant woman to get an abortion.

With possibly a few wacko Protestant church exceptions, (Link): like this one, where the church’s preacher allegedly encouraged the women members to get abortions. But then, of course, there is information such as this: (Link): 2015 Poll: 70% of American Women Who Have Abortions Identify As Christian

By and large, though, most churches are pro-life, not pro-choice.

At one point in this essay, Sheehan says that although she and her male friend were not having sex, that due to being constantly suspected and accused of having sex by Christians at her church, is actually what in large measure drove her and her boyfriend to become sexually active with one another.

Major irony there. Or maybe not…

As I have said time and again at my blog, most Christians, just like secular culture, just blindly assumes that celibacy is impossible for anyone over the age of 25 or so, and that it is impossible for men and women to be platonic friends.

It is entirely possible for men and women to remain friends, and it is entirely possible for an adult to stay celibate for months or years at a time.

I have also explained before, in previous posts, that one reason there is so much fornication among Christian singles is precisely because most Christians have such low expectations: they expect that single adults will, or have, had sex outside of marriage. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy quite often.

The couple discussed in this post were expected, assumed to be, and suspected by their fellow congregants of sleeping together; this couple got tired of being falsely accused, so they figured, well, we might as well have sex, since everyone is already assuming we are and harassing us over it.

I also notice that one reason this woman’s husband, who was a Christian at one time, but is now an atheist or agnostic, began losing his faith over how miserably his grief (over the death of his father) was mishandled by Christians.

Oh yes, I relate: after my family member’s passing a few years ago, rather than receiving love, empathy, and encouragement from Christians in my family or churches I went to, I instead received judgment, criticism, platitudes, or indifference. This in turn is one of several things that caused me to partially leave the Christian faith.

One of a few things that caused Sheehan to leave the faith is over how one church she attended mishandled her abusive marriage – her priest told her to stay with the abusive husband.

This advice is also usually given in Baptist or Protestant situations. Christians often put keeping an (abusive) marriage before the welfare of the two persons who comprise the marriage.

Abused wives are usually instructed to stay with the abusive spouse and submit to the abuser more, or just pray about things. None of this resolves the situation but actually prolongs it.

I am not surprised in light of all the insensitive treatment that she and her husband endured at the hands of other believers, that they both developed major doubts about Christianity and walked away from it.

There were a few supportive comments to the woman who wrote this, in the comments area under the essay, but there were also a lot of hateful, judgmental, or naive posts left to her by Christians.

There were also a few annoying posts by atheists who were just there to say “all religion is idiotic, there is no God” to any of the well-meaning, yet naive Christians who were telling her to hold on to the faith, in spite of the Christians who had been mean to her at her prior churches.

Honestly, I wish those types of atheists would refrain from posting under articles like this one by Sheehan. I find their opportunistic, anti-theism drivel and rants to be about as bad as the nasty posts by the Christians who scolded Sheehan for leaving Christianity.

(Link): Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted 

  • Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan
  • My family has always been part of the Catholic Church, including being actively involved in fighting for those beliefs in Ireland and France through the centuries. It is all I knew and I never imagined a life without it. Even in today’s permissive society, divorce is still a huge don’t in the Catholic Church.

    When my priest advised me to stay in an abusive marriage rather than lose access to the Catholic religion, I stayed — until my husband left me for one of the many women he had been seeing.

    I went back to my priest for help but instead found myself without a church.

    Confused and directionless, I ended up seeking help at a Word of Faith Christian Church in Texas.

    Although the church and I both believed in Jesus, the similarities ended there. Everything was so different from what I had grown up with, it made the transition very difficult.

    They kept trying to break down my identity by using scripture to suggest that everything about me, from Catholicism to my Irish culture, was evil and against God. It was like going through spiritual boot camp as they attempted to rebuild me into a person that could gain access to heaven.

    During my time there, I met my current husband. He was also having a tough time as his father had died suddenly the year before, causing him to question the church he had been raised in and even the existence of God due to how they handled his grief.

    We became really good friends who spent hours talking as we each struggled with our sheltered worlds collapsing around us, no matter how hard we tried to fight to keep the walls intact.

    The damage in our lives, caused by blind devotion to a religion, forced us to question all the truths we had been raised to believe.

    Continue reading “Leaving Christianity gave me the fairy-tale ending I always wanted / Divorce and pre-marital sex destroyed my relationship with Christianity by T. Sheehan”

How Laypersons Can Minister to Depressed / Suicidal People

How Laypersons Can Minister to Depressed / Suicidal People

This is a follow up to my previous post,

(Link): A Response to Blogger Matt Walsh Regarding Depression

Some of the advice I give here in regards to depressed or suicidal people can also be applied to other situations, not just depressed or suicidal friends.

Parts of this advice can be applicable to family or friends you have who are in mourning, friends who have a physical illness, or ones who are worried because they just got laid off from their job and don’t know how they’re going to pay their rent, or friends who were divorced a month ago after 15 years of marriage and they are heartbroken.

Regardless of the reason of their sorrow, worry, or fear, a lot of this advice can help them as well.

In his post about the suicide of actor Robin Williams, Christian blogger Matt Walsh focused on what one should SAY to a depressed or suicidal person.

Walsh also seems to think making arguments – based on logic – can pull a depressed person back from going through with suicide.

Cold, hard facts and logic, appeals to reason and rationality aren’t going to make much of an impact in discouraging someone from taking his or her own life. (I explain why in a little more detail in the last post.)

The area of emphasis is wrong.

One should not be stewing or pondering over what to SAY to a depressed, suicidal person (or someone who is in mourning) – for ultimately, there’s not much one can say to someone in that much pain – the key is what one DOES for a depressed or suicidal person.

You need to think in terms of what you can DO for a hurting person, not in terms of what you should SAY.

Continue reading “How Laypersons Can Minister to Depressed / Suicidal People”

Widow Lived With Husband’s Corpse For 9 Months, Says He Wanted To Be Eaten By Birds

Widow Lived With Husband’s Corpse For 9 Months, Says He Wanted To Be Eaten By Birds

So contra evangelical Christian claims, marriage doesn’t always or necessarily make a person better, more responsible, or more godly. Sounds like marriage makes people go a little loopy, as a matter of fact, if they’re willing to live with a corpse in the house for nine months.

(Note: I am not saying that all married people are nuts or violent. Usually on my site when I make sweeping statements or implications like that, it’s a retort to how a lot of Christians do this same thing towards singles or the childless all the time. Evangelicals and other types of Christians tend to lump ALL adult singles into the group of “lazy, selfish, weird, or loser”.)

(Link): Lafayette widow’s story at odds with official records

(Link): Widow Lived With Husband’s Corpse For 9 Months, Says He Wanted To Be Eaten By Birds

    Ila Solomon, a widow from Indiana, lived with her husband’s corpse 9 months after he died. The body of 88-year-old Gerald “Scooter” Gavan was found in their home on May 3. Solomon is still waiting if she will be charged for keeping her husband’s decomposing body.

    Solomon gave an interview and a tour of her home to RTV6 on Thursday. The 54-year-old widow showed the news team their living room carpet where her husband died.

    When the body was discovered, Solomon insisted that her husband had been dead for only 5 days, but authorities say otherwise. According to Tippecanoe County Coroner Donna Avolt, Gavan had been dead for over 9 months when he was discovered, Indy Star reports.

    According to the law, failure to report a dead body within 3 hours of discovery is considered a Class A misdemeanor, and is punishable by up to one year in jail. In Solomon’s case, it is up to the prosecutor to decide if the widow will be charged.

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Related post:

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

Gary Habermas joins Janet Mefferd to discuss dealing with doubt in the Christian life (Re: Unanswered Prayer – other issues)

Gary Habermas joins Janet to discuss dealing with doubt in the Christian life (Re: Unanswered Prayer)

Audio / podcast.

I have found that Janet Mefferd’s show does not work in Google Chrome (browser), sometimes does not work in FireFox, but DOES work in IE (Microsoft Internet Explorer browser). I loathe IE, but it’s the only browser that will play her show.

Habermas has recently written a book about faith and doubt or something, and he is interviewed by Janet Mefferd about it, as well as related questions, such as unanswered prayer, Christians who walk away from church because they have been hurt by other Christias, or they lost a loved one (to death), or they don’t feel Christianity is meeting their needs, etc.

You can listen to the interview here:
(I think this is hour 3 – there appears to be an hour 1 and hour 2):
(Fixed the link)

(Link): Podcast: Gary Habermas joins Janet to discuss dealing with doubt in the Christian life. (mentions unanswered prayer, other topics)

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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Blaming the Christian for His or Her Own Problem or Unanswered Prayer / Christian Codependency

(Link):  Unanswered Prayer and Diversity of Doctrine and Interpretation (podcasts)

(Link):  How to Deal with Unanswered Prayers via Pastor Bil Cornelius 

(Link):   When All We Hear from God is Silence by Diane Markins

(Link): On Prayer and Christ’s Comment to Grant You Anything You Ask in His Name

(Link): Church Is Not Important, 51 Percent of US Adults Say

(Link): Guilt Tripping or Shaming the Hurt Sheep to Return to Church

(Link): Quitting Church – why single Christians aren’t going to church – church has failed Christian singles

(Link): Christians Who Can’t Agree on Who The Old Testament Is For and When or If It Applies

(Link): Why People Don’t Go To Church (various links and testimonies March 2014)

The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic and Other Posts

The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic

From the (Link): Not Mom Blog,
(Link): Childless by Chance

From their blog:

(Link): 15 DIMENSIONS OF CHILDLESS BY CHOICE OR BY CHANCE

    Remember that niches aren’t walled divisions, just different shades of a shared story. Here’s what you’ve told us so far about our many sub-communities. Don’t see yours? Let us know.

    By Choice and By Chance are like the East and West Sides of our ‘city’. Except, our map includes a Venn diagram where the two sides share land for women who describe themselves as Both. They once wanted kids, very much so in many cases, but at some point they realized the effort to conceive was too taxing, or that the idea of motherhood simply didn’t fit anymore.

    …The big umbrella of Infertility/Age includes women who’ve tried IVF, or experienced miscarriage, or simply waited too long before trying to conceive. A partner’s infertility counts, too. And Age can push a woman to declare herself without children By Chance and By Choice: Both.

    Health-Challenged NotMoms may well be fertile, but conditions such as cardiovascular disorders or kidney and liver disease, make the attempt life-threatening.

    Childless by Marriage is a term I credit to Sue Lick, who wrote a book and more about marrying an older man who was already a father and didn’t want more kids. When he died suddenly, her stepchildren vanished from her life, and her age made childbearing distinctly improbable. That was her ‘by marriage’ story, but there are many more.

    Continue reading “The Not Mom Blog: Childless by Chance Topic and Other Posts”

Thirty Year Old Man Likes To Date and Have Sex with 80, 90 Year Old Women

Thirty Year Old Man Likes To Date and Have Sex with 80, 90 Year Old Women

I have never approved of May-December relationships, regardless of the gender situation.

I am grossed out by relationships that have more than a five year age gap (ten at the most). I wrote about that before in (Link): this post.

(Link): Thirty Year Old Man Likes To Date and Have Sex with 80, 90 Year Old Women

-‘Some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes – I like old ladies’: ‘Extreme toyboy’, 31, takes 91-year-old girlfriend home to meet his mother

-Kyle had first sexual experience with a 50-year-old aged 18

-Claims he has always been attracted to older women

-Currently dating five women aged over 60, including Marjorie, 91

-Says they have an active and satisfying sex life

-Often takes girlfriends home to meet him mother, 51

As a society, we’ve become used to May to September relationships – just look at Madonna and her latest backing dancer; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones and their 25-year age gap. No one bats an eyelid any more.

But one ‘exteme toy boy’ does raise a few eyebrows when he steps out with his lover – because baby-faced Kyle Jones, 31, is in a relationship with a 91-year-old great-grandmother.

Kyle, from Augusta, Georgia, dates numerous pensioners at the same time and even takes them home to meet his 50-year-old mother. For the last five years he has been in a ‘casual’ relationship with 91-year-old Marjorie McCool.

And despite the 60-year age gap, the pair have an active sex life and can’t keep their hands off each other.

Kyle said: ‘Everyone’s brain is wired differently, some guys prefer blondes, some brunettes, some like other guys – I like old ladies.’

The call centre worker was just 18 when he first acted on his attraction for older women and began a sexual relationship with a 50-year-old.

Now Kyle uses dating websites to find women as well as chatting them up in his daily life.

He said: ‘Most of the time, the average age I go for is between 60 and 80.

‘Whenever I’m trying to speak to an older woman, the first reaction I get is ‘you’re way too young’.

‘I find persistence is good so I tell them it’ll be fun.’

Although officially single, Kyle regularly sees up to five women at a time and takes them on dates – and even home to meet his mother.

In 2009 he met great-grandmother Marge – short for Marjorie – in the bookstore where she was working and asked for her number.

Marge, who had been single for 37 years since splitting with the father of her six children, agreed to go on a date.

She said: ‘In the beginning I got jealous of his other women but he keeps coming back to me and tells me I’m the best.

‘The physical side of our relationship is wonderful. I amaze myself, he amazes me. There’s nothing better.

…. And while many of the women he dates can’t believe such a young man would find them attractive, Kyle is adamant he does.

He said: ‘Often, the things women are so self-conscious about is what I’m into. I like the neck lines and wrinkles.

‘Women worry about their boobs sagging but I think the natural hang looks great. I’m really not a fan of plastic surgery.

…Kyle’s preference for the elderly has drawn criticism from those who see him as opportunistic.

He said: ‘The most common criticism I hear is ‘you’re after money’ or ‘you’re after inheritance’.

‘Or people think these women must be buying me things.

‘But it’s not true at all – I do this because I like it and they like it too. I’ve dated women from various ends of the financial spectrum, but it’s never about what they have.’

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Related posts:

(Link): Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link):  Study:  Big Gaps in Age Can Turn A Marriage Sour in Just Six Years

(Link): Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal To A Man Over Half Her Age

(Link):  Wife’s Shock As Husband, 26, Is Caught Cheating With a 72-Year-Old Lover at Premier Inn

(Link): What Is The #HusbandNotDad (hash tag)? Down The Rabbit Hole Of An Unlikely Hashtag by P. Frank

(Link):  Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely – letter from self-professing 70 year old guy who is overweight, says he prefers younger women and does not want to date women his own age

(Link):  ‘I Want My 2.3 Bonus Years’ – A.K.A., ‘Where do 50-year-old men get the strange impression that they could date a 23-year-old?’ by Mona Chalabi

(Link): What It’s Really Like to Be a Guy Who Only Dates Much Older Women by L. Moore 

(Link): Men Become ‘Invisible’ And Lose Sex Appeal At 39 – Article from Daily Caller

(Link):  How Dating In Your 40s Is Nothing Like Dating In Your 20s – via NY Post – A Secular Editorial Grasps what Married Christian Relationship Advice Givers Do Not

(Link): Ageism Vs. Age Preferences and Creepy Older Men (critique of post at another blog) 

(Link): The Bigger the Age Gap The Shorter The Marriage  / Divorce Rates Predicted By Age Differences

(Link): Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

(Link): Obnoxious, Condescending, Sexist, Pervy Esquire Editorial by 50-Something Year Old Man: “In Praise of 42 Year Old Women” – Condescendingly Reassures 40 Something Women He’d Sex Them Up

(Link): Follow Up – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist, Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)

(Link): Follow Up Part 2 – Reactions by Other Writers to Sexist, Condescending 50 Something Men Who Think They Are Final Arbiters of If Women Are Attractive Past Age of 40 (Re: Esquire Editorial by Junod)

(Link): Online Dating: Women Want Younger Men (article)