Married South Dakota Couple Die of Cancer Hours Apart on the Same Day – Marriage Doesn’t Guarantee Happiness, Great Health

Married South Dakota Couple Die of Cancer Hours Apart on the Same Day – Marriage Doesn’t Guarantee Happiness, Great Health

Such real life stories blow the lid off conservative marriage and nuclear family propaganda. I’m a conservative myself, and I am not against marriage or the nuclear family, but so many other conservatives have elevated marriage, parenthood, and the nuclear family to such an absurd degree that they’ve deified it.

Studies have shown that marriage does not make people healthier or happier, but I’ve seen some conservatives, including Christian ones, such as Al Mohler, gleefully (gleefully!) share inaccurate studies that claim to show that single adults are unhappy, miserable, and die younger.

Imagine how perverse and deep into pro-marriage and pro-nuclear family propaganda and idolization you have to be to TAKE DELIGHT in studies that (falsely) purport to show that single adults are unhappy or die younger.

Look at the married couple in the example here – being married (and they had children too) didn’t guarantee them a super long life and never-ending bliss. They’re both dead of cancer in their 50s.

(Link): South Dakota EMS worker, 58, and his ‘soulmate’ wife, 52, both die of different forms of cancer just 10 hours apart – two days before Christmas – leaving their three children devastated

Dec 27, 2022
by Keith Griffith

A married couple in their 50s from South Dakota both died of cancer within 10 hours, two days before Christmas, leaving their three children distraught.

Steve Hawkins, 58, and Wendy Hawkins, 52, died from different types of cancer in the same hospital in Yankton on Friday, family members said.

Steve had been battling the disease for five years, while Wendy died after a shorter illness, according to a statement confirming the deaths from the Yankton County EMS, which Steve had overseen since 2009. It remains unclear what type of cancer each of them had.

Continue reading “Married South Dakota Couple Die of Cancer Hours Apart on the Same Day – Marriage Doesn’t Guarantee Happiness, Great Health”

Couple Are Seen Happily Enjoying Christmas Dinner Together – Three Days Before Wife is Arrested and Charged with Stabbing Husband to Death

Couple Are Seen Happily Enjoying Christmas Dinner Together – Three Days Before Wife is Arrested and Charged with Stabbing Husband to Death

Being married didn’t guarantee health or happiness (or being responsible, ethical, and loving) for this couple (you may already know this, but a lot of my fellow conservatives are way too enamored of marriage, parenthood, and the nuclear family to the point they hype it to an unrealistic degree and love to repeat inaccurate studies which purport to show that singles die younger than marrieds or are less happy, etc):

(Link): Couple are seen happily enjoying Christmas dinner together – THREE days before wife is arrested and charged with stabbing husband to death

Excerpts:

by Chris Brooke
January 1, 2022

Sitting at the Christmas dinner table with other members of their family, Teresa and Paul Hanson looked the picture of happiness.

But three days after what their daughter described as the ‘the best day’, Mr Hanson, 54, was found dying from a stab wound by police. His wife was later charged with his murder.

Continue reading “Couple Are Seen Happily Enjoying Christmas Dinner Together – Three Days Before Wife is Arrested and Charged with Stabbing Husband to Death”

37 Year Old Man Dies Within Hours After Marrying

37 Year Old Man Dies Within Hours After Marrying

Sorry that this guy has died – but for the purposes of my blog, this is kind of illuminating or amusing – NOT that it’s amusing that he’s dead, mind you (truly, sorry he’s passed away) –  but that it so acutely points out the problem with the “marriage will make you happier, safer, and more healthy in life” propaganda my fellow conservatives are always peddling.

Obviously, being married didn’t make this guy any happier or more secure, and it didn’t magically improve his health – he’s deceased now.

Getting married is NOT a fairy tale guarantee that it will give you a “happily ever after” ending.

I have more news stories on my blog that are similar – news reports of other people who were killed moments before, during, or after their wedding. You can see some of those similar stories at the bottom of this post, under “Related.”

(Link): Oklahoma singer-songwriter Jake Flint died in his sleep just hours after celebrating his marriage to his wife Brenda. His cause of death remains unknown.

Oklahoma singer-songwriter Jake Flint died in his sleep Sunday, just hours after celebrating his marriage to his wife Brenda.

The 37-year-old’s sudden death shook the state’s music scene with tributes pouring out to honor the fallen country singer.

His wife took to Facebook early Monday to post a video from their wedding with the caption, “I don’t understand.”

(Link): Country singer Jake Flint, 37, dies in his sleep just HOURS after his wedding

Nov 29, 2022

Oklahoma singer-songwriter Jake Flint died in his sleep hours after his wedding, leaving his new bride heartbroken.

Jake, 37, and Brenda were exchanging wedding vows at a remote homestead between Claremore and Owasso near Tulsa on Saturday night. Hours later the groom died in his sleep, The Oklahoman reported.  The cause of death has not yet been determined.

Continue reading “37 Year Old Man Dies Within Hours After Marrying”

Divorcee Learns to Enjoy Life Again After 35 Year Marriage Ends by J. Ivey

Divorcee Learns to Enjoy Life Again After 35 Year Marriage Ends by J. Ivey

I could not find a copy of this online, so I cannot link to it. I have a print copy.

Someone did upload a copy to Scribd, but you have to have a subscription or whatever to read past the first few paragraphs

Girlfriend Power

Excerpts:

February / March 2022

It was the first Valentine’s Day after my marriage ended. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a party with a bunch of single ladies

Girlfriend Power by Jennie Ivey

[The author opens the piece by explaining that she and her husband George were divorcing after 35 years of marriage.]

… For the first time in decades, I wasn’t part of a couple. For the first time in my life, I was living alone.

… Why oh why had I said I’d go to my friend Pat’s Valentine’s party? “Celebrate with other singles at a girls’ night in,” the invitation read. “Food! Music! Games! Fun!”

[Initially, she called her friend who was throwing the party to decline. The friend told her the reason for the party started years before, when her husband served her divorce papers on Valentine’s Day, and her father died on Valentine’s Day a few years prior. The friend replied,]

… “instead of moping around because we’re not coupled up, we get together to have a good time.” She wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“And one more thing, Jennie – you have to wear pink or red. It’s a Valentine’s party rule!”

[She mentions that her ex husband George was a surgeon, and while he wasn’t the greatest husband, he did okay on Valentine’s – he’d bring her flowers or candy in heart shaped boxes and so on]

Before I left for Pat’s I said a quick prayer. I hadn’t done a whole lot of praying since the breakup of my marriage. Sometimes I felt mad at God. Furious even.

Did he care that I was suddenly single at 60, an age when most couples were looking forward to retirement and spending time with their kids and grandkids together?

My prayer that evening was short and to the point: God, please show me how to be single.

Continue reading “Divorcee Learns to Enjoy Life Again After 35 Year Marriage Ends by J. Ivey”

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive Your Abuser – The Unintended Fallout: Possible Emotional Abuse or Exploitation Of Your Codependent Friend or Family Member

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive Your Abuser – The Unintended Fallout: Possible Emotional Abuse or Exploitation Of Your Codependent Friend or Family Member

I was watching a video today by psychologist Dr. Ramani, who I like very much, and I agree with her most of the time.

I even agree with most of her comments in this particular recent video she made that I will be discussing in this post, but it brought to mind one over-looked aspect pertaining to volatile or abusive relationships.

In the video (link to that video here, and I will embed it below, the title is, “Is there virtue in forgiving a narcissist who doesn’t apologize?”), Dr. Ramani expressed that she pretty much disagrees with the concept that people should have to forgive others, or that forgiving others makes a person stronger, etc.

Dr. Ramani rightly points out in that video that continually forgiving pathologically narcissistic persons is a waste of your time, for various reasons I shall not explain here (you can watch her video for explanations). I do agree with her on that.

If someone in your life keeps hurting, abusing, or mistreating you, no matter how many times you’ve forgiven them and given them a second, third, etc, chance,
you need to accept the fact this person is more than likely NEVER going to change and that they merely view your willingness to always forgive him or her as a weakness to repeatedly exploit.
So cut that person from your life, or limit time around them.

It’s not that I disagree with Dr. Ramani’s comments in the video on the face of things, but, I am concerned for Codependents.

On a similar note, in years past, I’ve also read books or seen videos about how people can help their abused friends.

I’ve seen videos by women who divorced their abusive husbands who reel off a list of tips on how you, the friend, can be supportive towards the friend in the abusive marriage.

These videos, books, and online articles, contain lists of things to say or to avoid saying when trying to help someone who is currently in an abusive relationship or someone who was abused in childhood.

Many of these books, videos, and web pages (most by therapists, psychologists or recovered abusive victims) often stress that you, the friend, should just sit and listen to the friend – just validate the friend, do not give advice, judge, or criticize.

I am a recovered Codependent (I wrote a very, very long post about that here).

I am also an Introvert. Introverts naturally make better attentive listeners than Extroverts.

So, as someone who is an Introvert and a one-time Codependent, I was very adept at giving the sort of emotional support a lot of troubled people seek out and find comforting.

For over 35 years, due to the parenting of my mother and the guilt tripping-, sexist-, Codependent- pushing- teachings under “gender complementarianism” of the Southern Baptist church I was brought up in, I had no boundaries, I was not assertive, and it was implied it is my job or responsibility in life to rescue or help other people, whatever format that came in.

All of that was taught to me as I grew up under the false, gender complementarian assumption (and my mother and father bought into some of this thinking too) that God created women to be more caring than men, it would be un-feminine or selfish for a woman to have boundaries, and I was taught that it was women’s “duty” to be care-takers for the hurting.

For me, most often, the support and care-taking my Mom and church taught me to engage in came in the form of “Emotional Labor,” and it made my already bad mental health in years past even worse.

(I was diagnosed at a very young age with clinical depression, I also had anxiety disorders and had low self esteem for many years. I no longer have depression or low self esteem.)

If you are an abuse victim, or if you’ve been bullied at a job, or you were abused in a marriage, or you were sexually or physically abused as a child by a family member (or by a neighbor, or by whomever),
I know it can be helpful, now, as an adult, to sit and talk to an empathetic listener about it, it can feel so good for that listener to sit quietly while you do most of the talking, and for that person to validate you and your experiences.

It can be very healing and feel like a tremendous relief for that listener to refrain from victim blaming you, offering advice or platitudes.

It can help in the healing process for another adult to believe you and just offer non-judgmental emotional support as you relate your trauma and pain to them.

I realize all that.

But have you ever considered that the caring, non-judgmental, empathetic person you keep turning to, whether it’s a friend or a family member, might be highly codependent and your repeated use of that person as your emotional support system may be damaging to THAT PERSON?

Because I was that person, for over 35 years.

I was the sweet, caring, understanding, supportive listener that many people – co-workers on jobs, family, neighbors, friends –
would call, e-mail, snail mail, or text with their problems, because they KNEW I would always listen to them rant (for hours on end, if need be, over months and years), I would NEVER put time limits on their rants, and I would ALWAYS respond in a timely fashion to ranting or sad e-mails or texts.

I spent over 35 years giving a lot of non-qualified, no-strings-attached emotional support to a lot of emotionally wounded or abused people over my life.

Some of these people called or e-mailed me over job stress, health problems, troubled marriages, financial issues, or, they were single and were lonely – they couldn’t get a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

None of these people who called or texted me to complain or sob to me ever once considered how their regular, negative phone calls (or letters or face to face chats) were impacting me. For the ones who considered it, I suppose they didn’t care.

If you choose not to forgive your abuser, that is your choice to make, but…

Be aware that if you choose to not forgive but to also hold on to your hurt and anger, and to choose to ruminate on the abuse,
and should you choose to deal with and vent that anger and hurt by regularly calling your Codependent friend to listen to your rants or sobbing – you are abusing your Codependent friend or family member, which is not acceptable.

In all the years I granted emotional support to hurting people (including but not limited to co-workers who’d stop by my cubicle during work hours to bend my ear for an hour or more about their divorce or health problems), I was never once thanked.

The non-stop support I gave was never acknowledged. And giving that non-stop support was exhausting and taxing for me, as I know it can be for other Codependent persons.

A “thank you” once in awhile from these people who came to me to dump their problems on me would’ve been appreciated. I never got one.

Reciprocation would’ve been appreciated and helpful too, but the people who were abuse survivors, or assorted chronic complainers who used me to vent to, very rarely to never asked about ME and MY struggles in life.

Continue reading “To Forgive Or Not To Forgive Your Abuser – The Unintended Fallout: Possible Emotional Abuse or Exploitation Of Your Codependent Friend or Family Member”

Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown

Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown

The essay I am excerpting below is pretty good and contains a lot of truth.

It’s certainly true that a person who wanted marriage but remains single can eventually learn to accept their own single status, mostly make peace with it, but well-meaning friends and family (Christians are the worst, they worship marriage),
can make one of their well-meaning comments, and it can send you spiraling – until you learn to let it bounce off you, develop boundaries, and let that well-meaning person know that their comment does offend or hurt, even if that wasn’t their intent.

I also recall years ago seeing Christian singer Carman, who died in 2021, who was single until he got married in his 50s, say on a TBN program (while he was single) that he would be going along okay in life doing just FINE with his single status,
until he’d run into a Christian friend or family member who’d make those passing, sometimes well meaning, comments or questions like, “Why are you still single? Aren’t you depressed or lonely being single?”

Carman said on those occasions, his thoughts were, “You know, I WAS doing okay with being single UNTIL you had to rub my single status in my face and act like I SHOULD feel inadequate about it.”

The following is from Relevant, which only permits a person up to around five free articles per month:

(Link): Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single?

Excerpts:

by Emily Brown

As a lifelong single person, I’ve had a lot of time to come to terms with my singleness. And not even just come to terms and begrudgingly accept it, but truly learn to enjoy and love being single.

So when people ask how I feel about being single I don’t have to fake a smile. I excitedly share the happiness and joy I feel about being single.

That being said, there are still moments where I do feel sadness or shame or embarrassment about my singleness.

Do you know why? It’s because of the response people give me when I tell them how I feel about being single. Because when I tell people that I’m single they often respond with some iteration of:

“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon!”

Uh, thanks?

Nowhere in my explanation of my relationship status did I mention I was upset or worried.

Yet why do people — and let me be clear on which people I am specifically talking about: already married Christians — always assume I am sad about being single?

It has been a long, long journey to finding happiness. I worked really, really hard to unlearn the lie that being with someone would make my life complete and replace it with the truth that God is all I need.

I had to realize that there isn’t anything wrong with me and being single is not a curse.

…But it can take just a few words from well-meaning, ultimately misguided people to crack holes in my happiness.

Continue reading “Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown”

Groom Shot Dead in Front of Wife Just Moments After Wedding in Mexico

Groom Shot Dead in Front of Wife Just Moments After Wedding in Mexico

News stories like this go to show that being married is not a guarantee of happiness or getting a fairy tale ending.

You can get married only for your new spouse to die on the day of your wedding! Or the next day – or 15, 20, 30 years later – leaving you SINGLE AGAIN.

(Link): Groom shot dead in front of wife just moments after wedding in Mexico

October 26, 2022
by Olivia Land

A groom was gunned down in Mexico just moments after tying the knot over the weekend — in a tragic case of mistaken identity amid the region’s ongoing cartel wars.

Marco Antonio Rosales Contreras, 32, was leaving his wedding ceremony at Neustra Señora de La Candelaria church in Caborca around 5 p.m. local time on Saturday when he was struck by multiple bullets, El Universal reported.

Witnesses later said the shots came from a single unidentified man who ran away down the street. Antonio, a computer engineer from Guadalajara, was pronounced dead en route to the hospital.

Video footage shows his new wife being escorted away from the church in hysterics, her white wedding dress stained with blood.

Continue reading “Groom Shot Dead in Front of Wife Just Moments After Wedding in Mexico”

Woman Who Unpopularly Decided To Never Have Children Reflects On It Now That She’s 85 Years Old

Woman Who Unpopularly Decided To Never Have Children Reflects On It Now That She’s 85 Years Old

I was never really for or against having children myself – had I married younger, I was entertaining the idea of having at least one kid, if I could’ve done so by the age of 35.

One of the things this 85 year old woman says is something that I deduced years ago: it’s a huge mistake for any woman to base most or all of her purpose and identity in parenthood or marriage (same is true for men).

If you build most to all of your identity and purpose upon being a spouse or parent, what do you do if you or your spouse are infertile, if you have an only child and he dies young, or if your spouse is abusive so that you have to divorce him (or her), or your spouse gets into a car wreck, gets cancer, or has a heart attack and dies? Or, what happens if your spouse develops dementia, which, in a manner of speaking, kind of leaves you alone?

What happens when your children grow up and move out, leaving you alone with just your spouse?

Actually, what I’m saying here is true of anyone – if you’re a Codependent, never married, childless person, you have the tendency to lose yourself in the problems and lives of your friends, co-workers, and family members. That will end up being a waste of your time or being a mistake as well.

(Link): Woman Who Unpopularly Decided To Never Have Children Reflects On It Now That She’s 85 Years Old

Even though an astonishing number of people don’t feel, and have never felt, the urge to become a parent, the pressure to have kids is still tremendous.

Any person who has made this profound decision about leading a child-free life can tell you it’s usually met in two different ways. One, people mutter a series of condescending phrases such as “oh” or “you’ll change your mind”.

Two, they actually take you seriously and instantly warn you that you’ll be lonely and regret it when you’re old.

Speaking of the latter scenario, one open letter on the ‘Childfree’ subreddit put this notion to bed once and for all.

An 85-year-old widow addressed the young people of this community, shared her experience, and proudly stated that she has zero regrets about her choice. Being married for 50 years, she offered her perspective and some validating words of wisdom.

“If I could go back in time, would I do it again? (being childfree), 100% yes. I would live the same life one thousand times,” the woman wrote. Her story sparked a discussion in the comments below, with responses ranging from kudos to appreciation. Scroll down to read the story in full and the reactions that followed.

For some reason, people who decide to lead a childfree life often hear they’ll regret it once they’re old and alone

So when this 85-year-old widow shared an open letter about her childfree experience, people felt incredibly validated

Letter from an 85 year old widow: My childfree experience and a few humble opinions

Dear Young People

I wonder if I am the oldest person to post on this forum? It was a young lady who told me about this forum and I have read many of your posts and comments for a few weeks. Many have made me smile. Some have made me wince.

It appears to me, many of you on here to validate your life changing decision.

Finding people similar to you is important and I understand the needs. So can I just say, from my experience, your decision is a good one? And if you want to know why I think that, please give me 5 minutes of your time.

I was married for just over 50 years. We bucked the norm and did not want kids. In those days we said “we are trying” for a few years than “we cannot have kids,” case closed. It was our personal secret. It was nobody’s business.

If we were honest and said “we cannot have kids, because we just don’t want them” the fallout with family and friends would have been tough for us.

Our 50 years in a nutshell was perfect. Good jobs, no money worries, followed our own interests and hobbies.

Had many friends and many lovely nieces and nephews. If I could go back in time, would I do it again? (being childfree), 100% yes. I would live the same life one thousand times.

Continue reading “Woman Who Unpopularly Decided To Never Have Children Reflects On It Now That She’s 85 Years Old”

Groom is Killed by Lightning Strike While Posing for Engagement Photoshoot

Groom is Killed by Lightning Strike While Posing for Engagement Photoshoot

This is sad, but – it goes to show you that getting married isn’t synonymous with achieving life-long meaning, fulfillment, and happiness – especially not if your spouse dies via a lightning strike or a car accident or a heart attack on or shortly before the wedding day.

I have other examples on this blog of other news stories of a person dying on or before their wedding day.

(Link): Groom is killed by LIGHTNING strike while posing for engagement photoshoot

by Tom Scotson
August 28, 2022

A groom was killed by a lightning strike as he was posing for engagement photos with his fiancée in a popular tourist spot in China.

The horrific incident occurred on Wednesday 24 August at China’s Jade Dragon Snow Mountain in the Yunnan province.

The man, who was named as Ruan by Chinese media, died instantly after being hit by a bolt of lightning while photographers were taking pictures of him and his partner at Spruce Meadow.

Continue reading “Groom is Killed by Lightning Strike While Posing for Engagement Photoshoot”

Man Whose Children Were Killed by Drunk Driver Commits Suicide a Day After Father’s Day

Man Whose Children Were Killed by Drunk Driver Commits Suicide a Day After Father’s Day

I skimmed the article; it doesn’t say what drove this man’s anxiety and suicidal ideation, so I’m not sure if his kids being killed by a drunk driver is what pushed his mental health the wrong way, or if they were pre-existing conditions.

Regardless, although this guy was married with children, his children were killed, so being married and a parent was not a guarantee of constant happiness for him.

Being married, and I guess a father, didn’t bring him inner peace, joy, and all the other things so many conservatives (like Al Mohler and Brad Wilcox) say it will bring.

You can get married and have children and still be depressed or have other mental health problems, or your loved ones can still die.

Very sad story.

(Link): Man whose children were killed by drunk driver commits suicide a day after Father’s Day

by Jesse O’Neill

A Canadian dad whose three children were killed by a drunk driver in 2015 took his own life in the hours after Father’s Day.

Edward Lake’s wife Jennifer Neville-Lake shared the tragic news about her husband along with a photo of their three children — Daniel, Harry and Milly, who were 9, 5 and 2 when they died in the crash.

…A day before she shared a post with a picture of the children’s graves

Continue reading “Man Whose Children Were Killed by Drunk Driver Commits Suicide a Day After Father’s Day”

The Bedevilments of Sex: Louise Perry’s “The Case against the Sexual Revolution” by Ralph Leonard

The Bedevilments of Sex: Louise Perry’s “The Case against the Sexual Revolution” by Ralph Leonard

According to the review below – a review of Perry’s book ‘The Case Against the Sexual Revolution,’ she, Perry, to bolster her view, appeals to the concept of ‘evolutionary psychology,’ a discipline or worldview I do not agree with.

(In my understanding of it, evolutionary psychology ends up attributing socially conditioned behaviors to hardwired, in-born traits, and is, and has been used, to practice sexism against women, or to try to explain or justify sexist outcomes against women by men.)

I don’t support the history of, and on-going existence of, sexual double standards, where, for example, women get punished for sexual behaviors that men have routinely engaged in.

However, I also don’t support third wave feminist views or sexual excess, where some portions of society advocate for sexual hedonism.

Sexual hedonism, the “there should be no boundaries on sex” type of attitudes promoted by progressives, comes with its own set of problems which hurt people (especially women and children).

(Link):  The Bedevilments of Sex: Louise Perry’s “The Case against the Sexual Revolution” by Ralph Leonard

Excerpts:

June 3, 2022

[The author begins by explaining what by now should be a familiar refrain: the sexual liberation which was supposed to put women’s sexual behavior and choices on an even playing ground to that of men, has in the decades sense, apparently, resulted not in women’s sexual liberation, but in making a lot of women unhappy and straining relationships between men and women and in introducing a whole new set of problems.
The author says this is some of what the new book “The Case Against the Sexual Revolution” by Louise Perry has set out to tackle.]

… she [Perry] questions the notion that the sexual revolution has been a gain or a liberation for women. Quite the opposite. “Women have been conned,” she declares.

The sexual revolution, Perry emphatically argues, didn’t liberate them. Instead, it liberated the libidos of high-status playboys and lechers such as Hugh Hefner and Harvey Weinstein at the expense of women.

… This isn’t your usual traditional religious moralism.

Perry’s thinking is quite secular. It appeals to science (specifically, evolutionary psychology).

But, like religious moralism, which is based on the idea of man as a fallen being, Perry’s use of evolutionary psychology reveals the supposed limitations of our evolved nature.  …

Perry advertises her book as an attempt to reckon with the immense change the sexual revolution has created throughout society and culture. She proclaims that she does not endorse either “the accounts typically offered by liberals, addicted to a narrative of progress, or conservatives addicted to a narrative of decline.”

Instead, she makes the following arguments.

Continue reading “The Bedevilments of Sex: Louise Perry’s “The Case against the Sexual Revolution” by Ralph Leonard”

“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist” by Dr. Robert Weiss

“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist”

 (Link): “Three rules to avoid cheating and betrayal, from my work as a sexologist”

August 16, 2020

by Dr. Robert Weiss
[who says he is a “licensed California therapist specializing in sex and intimacy”]

…As a sexologist, it is not my job to tell a couple that they must be monogamous. That is their choice to make. Or not. If they choose monogamy, my job is to help them negotiate their relationship boundaries and to help them find resolution if/when those boundaries are broken….

Having worked nearly half my life with families damaged by infidelity, I want to share three simple rules to help couples successfully negotiate monogamy, to avoid the pain associated when one partner cheats and to assist those struggling to overcome sexual betrayal.

1. Accept that cheating occurs when one spouse deliberately lies about or keeps meaningful secrets from the other. …

…Using my definition, cheating is less about specific sexual behaviors and more about lies and secrets used to cover up those behaviors.

And, as just about every betrayed partner I’ve ever worked with has told me, “It’s not the sex that causes the most pain. It’s that I no longer know who my partner is or trust anything that he/she says. How can we have an intimate connection when there’s no trust?”

Continue reading ““Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist” by Dr. Robert Weiss”