Meet the Most Vitriolic Valentine’s Day Haters Around the World

Meet the most vitriolic Valentine’s Day haters around the world

Happy Valentine's Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!
Happy Valentine’s Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!

If you are single and bummed out over being single on Valentine’s Day, I’ll share one thing with you that makes it easier.

In my family, Valentine’s was never presented as a “romantic” holiday. My mother used to give me candy in a heart shaped box on Valentine’s when I was a kid, I usually got a card from her, and my father sometimes gave me cards.

Over the years, I’ve sent Valentine’s Day cards to an Aunt of mine (she lives alone), my sister, and I’ve bought flowers for friends. In college, a platonic buddy of mine gave me red roses and a Valentine’s Day card.

Valentine’s Day does NOT have to be about erotic or romantic love, I don’t care WHAT Hallmark cards say.

If you view February 14th as a day to express your fondness of, or non-romantic love for, friends, co-workers, and family, it’s not so bad. I actually kind of like Valentine’s Day. It’s a sweet little holiday without the stress of major ones, like Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Ironically, the only aspect of Valentine’s I’ve hated in the past was the insistence of OTHERS to hype it into a romantic holiday.

I remember in high school, I never got any flowers from guys. I always felt bad when the schools I went to had a flower drive, and in every class, at least one girl would get dozens of them (presumably from male admirers), which made you feel terrible if you got zero.

All the commercials showing a husband buying his wife a diamond pendant for Valentine’s Day and that sort of advertising – that is what rubs me the wrong way.

I wasn’t really planning on doing a Valentine’s Day post this year, as I’ve done the last couple of years. But I saw this:

(Link): Meet the most vitriolic Valentine’s Day haters around the world

Excerpt:

  • Tongue-in-cheek “Anti-Valentine’s Day” parties are de rigueur in cities from (Link): Los Angeles to  (Link): Singapore these days. But in some other parts of the world, opposition toward the holiday runs much deeper and is tangled up in politics, religion, and national identity.
  • Japan
  • A Marxist group called Kakumei-teki himote doumei (“Revolutionary Alliance of Men That Woman Are Not Attracted To”) is calling on supporters to march against the holiday in Tokyo’s Shibuya district.
  • The group, founded in 2006 by a man named Katsuhiro Furusawa after he was dumped by his girlfriend (Link): states on its website: “The blood-soaked conspiracy of Valentine’s Day, driven by the oppressive chocolate capitalists, has arrived once again. In order to create a brighter future, we call for solidarity among our unloved comrades, so that we may demonstrate in resolute opposition to Valentine’s Day and the romantic industrial complex.”

Continue reading “Meet the Most Vitriolic Valentine’s Day Haters Around the World”

The Neglected God Calls Us to Reach Out to the Neglected at Christmas: God with Us and Them—Immanuel by Paul (Re: People who are alone at the holidays etc)

The Neglected God Calls Us to Reach Out to the Neglected at Christmas: God with Us and Them—Immanuel

(Link): The Neglected God Calls Us to Reach Out to the Neglected at Christmas: God with Us and Them—Immanuel by Paul

Excerpt

  • You have heard the saying, “Misery loves company.” How about loneliness, or is that a contradiction in terms? Still, I thought I would reflect upon the subject given that Christmas is likely one of the loneliest days of the year.
  • How can this be given that Christmas is considered perhaps the most joyous and communal holiday for a great number of people across the world? No doubt, all the emphasis on joy and community highlights all the more the social isolation many people feel.
  • The (Link): Daily Mail reports that according to Great Britain’s most senior casualty doctor, Prof. Keith Willett, the fear exists in the UK that “Beleaguered A&E [Accident & Emergency] departments face being overwhelmed at Christmas by lonely, elderly people.”
  • Britain’s Care Minister Norman Lamb called upon Britons to care for their neighbors who experience isolation so that the UK does not become a “neglectful society” (For more on the situation, refer here to the BBC’s story).
  • The problem does not only exist in the United Kingdom. It also exists here in the States, where according to one of my students serving as a chaplain in a retirement center, we often warehouse our elderly.
  • The problem is not sequestered to the elderly either. Single people without families and networks of friends, as well as other isolated persons, feel the weight of loneliness. They are not alone. We are not alone.
  • The Lord Jesus himself experienced loneliness during his sojourn here on earth, as did his parents, no doubt, given the child they raised. Perhaps we can find comfort in knowing that the Lord himself experienced loneliness, in part so that he could identify with us.
    Jesus was a man of sorrows, familiar with suffering (Isaiah 53:3).
  • ….As we celebrate Jesus’ birth this season, may we celebrate others, especially those who like Jesus endure isolation. In view of the neglected God incarnate who does not neglect others, may we not warehouse them or allow them to give birth to increased loneliness outside the inn. May we join Jesus by reaching out to them with a warm smile, a phone call, a card, a visit, a meal, an embrace: “God with us, Immanuel.” God with us with them, Immanuel.
  • click here to read the rest

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Related posts:

(Link):  Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura (some people are alone at the holidays; they are not married, have no kids)

(Link):  Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again (Married people who have spouses with dementia)

(Link): Mature Christians Need to Stop Allowing the Under 30 Crowd to Direct the Entire State of Christian Affairs

(Link): Elder / Senior Abuse and Neglect – Christians need to stop worshipping youth – there are other needy groups out there

Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura (some people are alone at the holidays; they are not married, have no kids)

Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura

(Link): Please Shut Up About Family and Christmas – by Laura

A few excerpts (please use the link above to visit their site to read the whole thing):

by Laura

  • This season I’ve heard an excessive emphasis, in various Christian circles, on spending time with family at Christmas. We should all be with family on Christmas – period. That is what it is all about! Much of this has come across (to me at least) as potentially alienating or could actually make some people feel lonely, isolated, or guilty. The church unfortunately seems to excel at alienating people. I wish it would stop. Could we stop assuming everyone fits in the same little box or life situation?
  • What do I mean exactly? Of course, I am not opposed to spending time with family at Christmas! It certainly is a time to connect with loved ones. But is it necessary to word it in such a way that implies everyone must be exclusively with family? We should encourage people to look around themselves, and include others who might not have anyone to be with on Christmas.
  • This is not the time to be cliquey and focus inward on our little family. Look outward. Who out there might appreciate being included? Who can you welcome to the table?
  • Isn’t that an important part of the Christmas message? Jesus came to bring salvation to all people – to expand the faith to include “gentiles” or those of all nationalities or cultures.
  • Please click here to read the rest

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Related posts:

(Link):  The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language (How churches exclude singles and the childless) by E A Dause

(Link):  If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link):  Why Christians Need To Stress Spiritual Family Over the Nuclear Family – People with no flesh and blood relations including Muslims who Convert to Christianity – Also: First World, White, Rich People Problems

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again (Married people who have spouses with dementia)

(Link): Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

(Link): Post by Sarah Bessey Re: Churches Ignore Never Married Older and/or Childless Christian Women, Discriminate Against Them

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link): Pew for One: How Is the Church Responding to Growing Number of Singles? by S. Hamaker

(Link): Family as “The” Backbone of Society? – It’s Not In The Bible

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

23 Headlines That Will Make All Single People Say “And Yet I Still Can’t Find Love?”

23 Headlines That Will Make All Single People Say “And Yet I Still Can’t Find Love?”

From Buzz Feed:

(Link): 23 Headlines That Will Make All Single People Say “And Yet I Still Can’t Find Love?” by D. Cashin

Hey, if these people can find someone, there’s hope for you yet. Maybe.

1. Thanks to this news, you no longer have the comfort of telling yourself, “Well, at least I won’t be the last person on earth to get married.”

[photo of newspaper headline announcing the marriage of murderer Charles Manson to a 26 year old woman]

2. Single homosexuals, even a guy who spent years hating on gays got married TO A MAN before you did.
[screen shot announcing the marriage of homosexual former leader of an ex-homosexual ministry gets married to another man]

6. Even this charmer managed to find a wife

Wife Called 911 on Husband
Wife Called 911 on Husband

8. Jeez, some of us haven’t even had our starter tree marriages yet.

marryTree

11. How lovely that they found one another.

dogFeces

15. Idiot Husband Calls 999 (police -911) Because Wife Won’t Give Him the TV Remote

(Link): Idiot husband dials 999 because his wife wouldn’t give him the remote

  • Think of the guy in Shropshire, who recently dialed 999 because his wife wouldn’t hand over the remote.
  • ‘My wife won’t give me the remote control,’ he told the weary operator.
  • Unfortunately, jilted couch surfers aren’t the only time wasters the West Mercia Police have to deal with.
  • The department recently revealed the area’s biggest brain donors, and it makes for a fairly depressing read.
  • Like the person who requested emergency services because they couldn’t find their wallet.

Click here to See the Entire List

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 Related:

(Link): Single at Thansgiving -humor

(Link): How Did This Idiot Get A Wife? 

(Link):  *They’re Married?!?* (Part 3) Does God Require Singles to Be Perfect Before He Will Send Them a Spouse

Single At Thanksgiving (humor)

Single at Thanksgiving
Single at Thanksgiving

I’m sure Christian sociologist Mark Regnerus would cheer the idea of a Christian woman marrying a mass murderer!

For more on that please see:

(Link): Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage

Where I mentioned….

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Related posts:

(Link):  How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

This is sort of like my last post,
(Link): Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

From Jezebel:
(Link): Instead of Getting Sad on Valentine’s Day, Try Not Giving a Fuck

I’m not sure if the woman who wrote this is single or married.

The odd thing about this woman’s page is that while on the one hand she seems to try to be encouraging singles, it comes across as a form of “singles shaming” to me. Maybe that was not her intent, but that’s how it came across to me.

Here are a few excerpts:

    by M. Davies

  • So you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone and feeling sad about it. What do you do? Curl up on the couch and cry? Stare forlornly into the window of a restaurant packed with couples who are sharing the same long spaghetti noodle like the dogs in Lady and the Tramp? Well, knock it off, sister. You’re a grown-ass woman — W-O-M-Y-N — and it’s time that you figured out that Valentine’s Day only matters when you make it matter. SO STOP MAKING IT MATTER.
  • There was a time when I used to get really sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. That time was high school, when I was too young and dumb to know better.
  • …But maybe your friends are different than mine and they do make you feel bad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have some shitty friends. That or it’s projection on your part, in which case this probably goes deeper than Valentine’s Day and chances are you’ll be sad on February 15th, 16th and maybe even when you finally get a significant other because, guess what, they won’t solve all your problems either.

That lady’s “buck up, buckeroo about being single on Valentine’s Day” page read more like “shut up you whiny cry baby whiner.” If she was trying to encourage singles who are unhappy about being single, I’m guessing it had the opposite effect on most people who read that page.

Continue reading “Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day”

Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

I love it. I approve. 😆

(Link): ‘Computer nerd’ who split from his girlfriend last year buys up every other ticket at cinema to stop couples sitting next to each other on Valentine’s Day screenings

(Link): China’s Growing Single Population Rebels Against Valentine’s Day

(Link): Jaded Singles Play Valentine’s Day Prank at Chinese Cinema

(Link): Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

Excerpts:

    Take that, love

By Emily Rauhala
Feb. 14, 2014

  • Bless them. Bless their cold, dark hearts.
  • In what might be the greatest-ever Valentine’s Day prank, a group of Shanghai singles purchased every odd-numbered seat for a Feb. 14 showing of Beijing Love Story. Their sole purpose: disrupting lovey-dovey dates. “Want to see a movie on Valentine’s Day?” asks a message posted by an organizer. “Sorry, you’ll have to sit separately. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
  • Tell that to the millions of Chinese who will be spending the day in the absence of a date. With a population of 1.3 billion, China naturally has hefty share of the world’s singletons.
  • This is compounded by a dramatic gender imbalance.
  • Thanks to the one-child policy and preference for sons, there are an estimated 34 million ‘surplus men’ in China — a whole lot of lonely hearts.
  • Luckily, the country’s unattached have a history of being awesome; they’ve even got their own day. Since the 1990s, Nov. 11 has been celebrated as Singles Day. It was picked because the numerals — 11/11 — are said to look like ‘bare branches,’ a Chinese term for bachelors. It started as an occasion to get together for a meal, but has since morphed into a multi-billion dollar orgy of online shopping.

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Related post:

(Link): Valentine’s Day / Singles Appreciation Day For Never Married People and Other Singles 2014

(Link): Bizarre Chinese dating advert urges single girls to marry to ‘please your family’

(Link):  A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

Valentine’s Day / Singles Appreciation Day For Never Married People and Other Singles 2014

Valentine’s Day / Singles Appreciation Day For Never Married People and Other Singles 2014

Happy Valentine's Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!
Happy Valentine’s Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!

Valentine’s Day

It’s that time again! That time of year for Valentine’s Day related stuff! Or, “Singles Appreciation Day,” if you prefer.

(Link): Worst Valentine’s Day card ever is a hairy lip-curling 114-year-old monstrosity

      And now, 114 years after its debut, a museum believes it may be the worst Valentine’s Day card in history.
      Its caption reads: “For The New Woman! With St. Valentine’s Heartiest Greetings and Best Hopes that she will receive another (moustache) – With A Man Attached.”

The card, which dates from around 1900, has gone on display at York Castle Museum as part of its celebration of the most romantic day of the year.

(Link): Forget Valentine’s Day, it’s MISTRESS DAY today: On 13 February cheating men spend £200 more on illicit girlfriends than on wives

      By BIANCA LONDON
      PUBLISHED: 05:39 EST, 13 February 2014
      -Today is the day unfaithful men plan to see their mistresses
      -Around 35% will take her to the pub, while wives more likely to get dinner

    -Cheating men will spend under £100 on wives, but up to £300 on girlfriend

  • Loyal wives may be gearing up for a romantic evening tomorrow night, but it seems some of their husbands will be celebrating Valentine’s Day one night early… with another woman.
  • It doesn’t appear on the traditional family calendar, but 13 February has been branded Mistress Day for unfaithful British men and their partners in love crime.
  • New statistics reveal that 71 per cent of cheating husbands plan to see their mistresses on 13 February, leaving Valentine’s Day itself free for a date with their long-suffering wives.
  • … The survey of 3853 actively unfaithful men also shows that when it comes to Valentine’s gifts, wives lose out.
  • Of the men polled, 55 per cent plan to spend less than £100 on their wife, while 81 per cent will spend £100 to £300, or even more, on their mistress.

(Link): Hate Valentine’s Day? This one’s for you

(Link): Valentine’s Day: Love When You Are Feeling Blue

(Link): Why you should avoid Facebook on Valentine’s Day: Valentine’s Day on Facebook: The 6 types of status you can expect to see

(Link): Love stinks: The 10 best anti-Valentine’s films

(Link): The Truth About Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Excerpt:

9 p.m.:

    You’re in a sugar coma. You delete Instagram off your phone because you’ve seen too many couple-kissing selfies. Too many pictures of flowers. Too many hashtags that say #myboyfriendisthebest #hefinallyputaringonit #ilovevalentinesday

(Link): 10 Reasons to Celebrate Being Single on Valentine’s Day

Excerpt (totally agree with this one):

2. Being single is better than being in a sucky relationship.

    No matter who wielded the breakup hammer, hanging onto a bad relationship is never the better choice. By being out of a relationship, you’ve saved valuable time. Time you can now spend finding a much better mate.

(Link): World’s Worst Valentine’s Day Ad (as of January 2014)
(It involves a Valentine’s day themed advertisement for a feminine hygiene product)

Before you sit there and get all weepy because it’s Valentine’s and you’re all alone, just think of all the married people who just got divorced last month:

(Link): In January, ‘ex’ marks the spot

      By Sarah LeTrent, CNN
      updated 4:32 PM EST, Fri January 17, 2014

    (CNN) — There was that distant-feeling New Year’s kiss at midnight. Valentine’s Day, a holiday based on setting hearts aflutter, was full of awkward pauses and glances over soufflé at the person you used to love. Come March, it’s time to turn over a new leaf.

  • In recent years, January has earned the nickname “Divorce Month” — a less appealing title than National Pet Month (May) or National Honey Month (September), though divorce can surely be both hairy and sticky.
  • While marital psychologists and divorce lawyers say January’s more accurate description would be “I’m Starting to Research My Options Month,” they agree there is some accuracy in the nomenclature.
  • Perhaps the only thing worse than being single on February 14 when you want to be in a relationship is being in a relationship where your partner thinks a dinner at McDonald’s suffices as romantic (I will give this a pass, however, if it’s a situation where a parent is taking a kid out for the holiday, or something like that):

(Link): Some McDonald’s taking reservations, offering candlelight service for Valentine’s Day

(Link): ‘Lovin’ it’?: McDonald’s to host Valentines Day dinner complete with LED candles, roses, and reservations

(Link): Florida McDonald’s taking reservations for Valentine’s Day

    Two Tampa locations have started taking reservations for Valentine’s Day and they are pouring in.

  • “We have more reservations than we expected already, but we will make it work and keep everyone happy and smiling, because that is what we do best,” store manager Ernesto Izquierdo told WTSP. “And remember this does not have to be romantic, it could be a dad taking his daughter for Valentine’s Day Dinner, and it will be special if they share it with us.”
  • The fast food restaurants already have 25 reservations between the two of them.
  • …”We will have a section reserved for those Valentine’s Day diners and the tables will be decorated with table cloths, and flowers and hearts everywhere. The servers will be nicely dressed and take everyone’s order.”
  • The staff at the second location is also excited for the big day and they plan on decorating tables with flowers and champagne glasses.
  • Singles of America salute you, Sheriff!

(Link): Georgia sheriff cancels Valentine’s Day because of snow — and boredom

(Link): Georgia sheriff cancels Valentine’s Day due to weather

      By Alexis Stevens

    The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

  • “The Oconee County County Sheriff’s Office announces that Valentines Day has been CANCELLED from a line North of I-16 to the Georgia/Tennessee border,” Sheriff Scott Berry posted on the department’s Facebook page. “Men who live in the designated ‘NO VALENTINE’S DAY ZONE’ are exempt from having to run out and buy lottery scratchers and Hershey bars from the corner stores until February 18, 2014, due to ice, snow, freezing rain.”
  • Berry told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution late Wednesday that roads likely won’t be safe enough for travel Thursday as frozen precipitation continues to pile up.
  • “It’s going to be difficult to shop on the 13th, our traditional shopping day,” Berry said.

(Link): Valentine’s Day marketing: The good, the bad and the cringeworthy

(Link): 6 Ways for Singles to Have a Happy Valentine’s Day

(Link): Spotify Unveils Valentine’s Day Playlists for Soulmates and Singles

(Link): Love’s labor’s lost as snow buries Valentine’s Day

      Procrastinators may find that a snowy Valentine’s will put their plans on ice—or at least, result in one heck of a no-gift excuse.

    Florists and other retailers say they’re racing to execute contingency plans ahead of the snow and ice storm moving its way up the East Coast. Meteorologists have called the storm “catastrophic,” and expect it to trigger widespread power outages and dangerous travel conditions as it dumps ice and snow from Georgia to Maine through Friday—Valentine’s Day.

  • Translation: Plan for potentially delayed gift deliveries and reduced chances of making it out for last-minute shopping or a Valentine’s dinner. That could put a big dent in spending for the holiday, which the National Retail Federation had expected could top $17.3 billion.

(Link): What To Do For Valentine’s Day If You’re Single: 14 Places For Non-Couples

(Link): Not Looking Forward To Valentine’s Day, Ladies?

      The huge emphasis on Valentine’s Day love can feel so intense that not only do you feel lonely on this day, but you may also feel left out of something that seems to be universally happening for everyone else.
    When this happened to me, it really surprised me. After all, I was supposed to be one of those women who felt okay being single. I’m sure it’s no surprise that lots of men and women find Valentine’s Day one of the hardest days of the year to get through.

The 2013 Valentine’s Day post:

(Link): Valentine’s Day – this is for all the Unmarried People / Never Married / Singles

Plush Kitten Bouquets.

Plush Kitten Bouquet
Plush Kitten Bouquet
Happy Valentine's Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!
Happy Valentine’s Day from Forever Alone Meme Guy!

Valentine’s Day

❤ ❤ ❤ Happy Valentine’s Day to all the Unmarried People out there! ❤ ❤ ❤
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Related links on this blog:

(Link): Some Lady Tells Singles Not To Feel Sad on Valentine’s Day

(Link): Insensitive Valentine Meme – you can’t feel sad about being single if your parents are still living

(Link):  A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

(Link): Chinese Singles Buy Movie Tickets So Couples Can’t Sit Together on Valentine’s Day

Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)

Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)

(Link): Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)

(The follow up post:
(Link): The 39 worst things folks said to people who are single during the holidays.)

Excerpts:

    … So instead of simply remixing an old post, I decided to create a holiday-focused scorecard. Think of it like a seasonal ale they put nutmeg in during January. It only comes around this time of year. Without further ado, I give you:

    Being single during Christmas at church:

    5. You good friends hold secret “couples holiday dinners” they don’t invite you to because they don’t want you to feel awkward. = + 3 points

    Wreath
    Wreath

    6. They wince when the world’s worst commercials, Jared’s jewelry, come on TV and some horrible actress gets engaged right in front of you. = +4 points

    8. They try desperately to find the silver lining and say things like, “It must be nice not to have to shop for anyone. My husband is so hard to get gifts for!” = +2 points

    10. They feel slightly guilty for watching romantic Christmas movies in your presence, like “Love Actually.” = +3 points

    11. Someone tells you, “Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone.” = +2 points

    12. Your friends have stopped saying “When you get married” because they’re not sure you’ve got it in you. = +1 point

    21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point

    22. You’re divorced and someone gives you the incredibly encouraging advice, “God will bring you someone who will overlook your past.” = + 2 points

    24. Someone makes a horrible joke about how this Christmas, you got the “gift of celibacy.” = +10 points

    25. Married friends feel compelled to over tell you how difficult marriage is so that you don’t feel like it’s a winter wonderland of constant awesomeness. = +3 points

    32. People try to romanticize the tremendous amounts of free time you must have during the holidays without a family to bother you. = +3 points

Some select reader comments:

    Sydney says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 3:46 PM

    As the oldest grandchild and neice on both sides of my family I have recently been given the guilt trip from my grandparents: “We might not have many more Cristmases left, we need some grandchildren!”

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:12 PM

    Yup, I started to hear similar comments in the last couple years (and I’m only 24!). Like from my grandfather “Do you have a boyfriend yet? You need to get married before I die.” As if boyfriends magically appear out of force of sheer will.

    Katie says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 3:48 PM

    “It’s so courageous of you to decorate your apartment for the holidays and send out Christmas cards, as if you had a family”.

    Yep. From a family member.

    I don’t know how many ‘points’ is equal to spending Christmas afternoon in my bedroom crying. Alone, of course. Maybe +20?

    Carly says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 10:17 AM

    So true! My grandfather gives all my (married) siblings/cousins money (triple digits) for Christmas. Being single, I get $0. Its not so much about the money, but not being considered as “equally deserving of a gift.”

    Sara says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 1:01 PM

    Me too, Carly! Me too! The exact same thing happens to me.

    Sandy says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 3:43 PM

    Same here!! I always think, I have bills too and nobody to help me pay them! Am I not worthy of a check at Christmas just because I didn’t provide a son-in-law and grandchildren??

    Claire says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:28 PM

    [In response to someone who says she hates #21 on the list, 21 reads,

    21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point]

    As if God is dangling a gift in front of you and will only give it to you when you stop reaching for it or wanting it! So screwy, but I can’t tell you how many people have thrown this at me in my 35 years of singleness.

    Kelsey says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:53 PM

    I cannot stand #21 or any spin-offs that deal with, “Well, when you focus fully on God, he’ll be right beside you!”

    It implies that all married people are somehow on a separate spiritual playing field than singles. Like they are the first-string players that know how to focus on Jesus better or something—AND FOR THAT, THEY GET A REWARD!

    But not you single people. Go read your ESV study bible and pray a little more. Better luck next season!

    jill says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:20 PM

    I’m sick of people saying I should get more involved in church and that I will meet him there. I already go to church and have been for a looong time. No dice. Sitting between my parents each Sunday doesn’t really help either, huh?

    Krista says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 12:15 AM

    I attend a church and live in a town that has very few single Christian men. My church has none. And I am one of two single ladies myself. Getting more involved will not do anything.

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:22 PM

    That is fantastic, haha! Yeah, it’s a very good point. A lot of people make comments that imply you’re single because you somehow aren’t putting God first in your life, no matter what you’re actually doing.

    DM says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:10 PM

    ST.WIPS: Stupid Things Well-Intentioned People Say.

    “It’ll happen when…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random statement like “when you’re least expecting it…” blah blah blah)
    “God is your husband!”
    “Maybe you should…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random advice that is usually a little bit mean. I usually want to respond, “Maybe you should kiss my grits.”
    “Have you prayed about it?” Oh! Now there’s a brilliant idea that I’ve never considered!

    Jon–How many points does one get for being single, alone, and OVERSEAS at Christmas? About 100?

    Monahmartha says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 9:51 PM

    Blechk! Im 35, and married now but wow, did i hate that “youre not putting urself in the right situations…” Its bs im sorry. I was told for many years my husband would come to my church one day. And the non-church people i knew were telling me i needed to go to club to find a man. Otherwise i was dooomed.

    Well every1 was wrong. I just kept living my life and future hubby came to my WORK PLACE. LOL so there!

    And i vowed when i got married i will not become “one of them”. And im didnt. Godmhelp me if i ever do…

    Holly says
    DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 12:58 PM

    I tell the Church ladies that there is no one single my age at church, so I’m gonna start going to the bars to find a husband.

    That shuts them up quick.

    Amy says
    DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 3:20 PM

    I once told a girl at my Bible study that I’d been keeping my hair long because a) I’ve been enjoying doing fun updos with it and b) I read that guys prefer longer hair (which is true) . . . but I’d also considered doing a cute pixie cut. I’m just afraid that if I did everyone would think I was a butch lesbian, so if I get to 35 and I’m still not married I might go ahead and give the pixie a shot, since by then I expect most people will think I’m a butch lesbian anyway . . . LOL. (It’s been thought before, even when I’ve had long hair . . . I’m sorry to say).

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:17 PM

    Yup, some of these are accurate already. Like the lady at church who always asks me if I have a boyfriend yet because she has to know as soon as it happens. I have a few friends who like to tell me how lucky I am to be single and how guys are so much more trouble than they’re worth. Yeah, so nice to be told that from the person who has been married or in a relationship for years to the girl who has never had a bf. They all mean well, but there comes a point when every single piece of “advice” or “encouragement” someone gives you about your love life becomes kind of insulting and aggravating. I despise those cliched comments from people.

    [In reply to a married about what marrieds can say to singles]
    Andrea says
    DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 12:52 AM

    Everything else about my life? Because part of what makes it so frustrating/hurtful, is those questions are essentially implying, “it doesn’t really matter what you’ve done or accomplished. Your life isn’t truly valid until you’re in a relationship/married/have kids. Didn’t you know you are defined by your marital status?”

    I have a job I’ve worked hard for and really enjoy (and I work with some really fascinating stuff, which I might tell you about if you showed interest in knowing something beyond my 30-second job summary).
    I have a master’s degree.
    I’ve traveled all over the world.
    I have friends and family all over the country/world.
    I’ve been remodeling my house over the last 3 years.
    I’m in a book club and love to read.
    I enjoy working in my yard/garden.
    I love to bake and cook.
    I love going to the theater and trying new restaurants.
    And yes, I have two cats. And they entertain me to no end.

    But yet somehow, there are people who can’t think of anything to ask me about or comment on except my relationship status?!

    So, what would encourage me and make me feel appreciated? Showing interest in what my life IS (everything listed above), rather than what it might be lacking (a significant other). Celebrating/congratulating me on what I’ve accomplished (job, education, house reno, etc.), rather than focusing on what I haven’t (a husband). Recognizing that I and my life are legitimate and acceptable right now and as is – just as acceptable and legitimate as they would be with a spouse, not just as “it’s nice to see you’re using your time well until you meet someone.”.

    Hope that helps!

    Becky says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:28 PM

    Yes! I also stopped telling stories to my parents that involves and single guy within 20 years of me. They completely tone-out what I’m saying and become fixed on that guy. “So you just said Jake, who is Jake, how old is he? Are you interested, is he cute?” And they remember him and check-in on how “jake and I ” are doing for months.

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM

    Ooo, wait, can we add watching all the Christmas engagement posts starting to pop up on facebook with the nauseatingly sappy captions??? Seriously.

    Sharon says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM

    Being a widow, I get a lot of “at least…” statements, such as “at least you had the time together that you did. “.
    True, but it doesn’t make it any less lonely. These are often preceded by “Wow, the holidays much be so hard for you, being by yourself and all.”
    Thanks for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed.
    Which is immediately followed by the suggestion that I sign up to volunteer at all 11 services over four days.
    Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I don’t have a life.

    Kaitlyn says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM

    This cracked me up, especially after the question I got yesterday: “Have you tried Christian Mingle yet?”

    Rachel says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 6:40 PM

    Ah yes. My old friend. I saw an advert for said company online the other day (thanks, targeted FB advertising) with the terrible, theologically worrying and mildly threatening slogan “Worried about going to heaven alone? Maybe not.” As Charlie Brown says, good grief.

    Should definitely be added to the points system.

    Peggy says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:29 PM

    I’m divorced and in my thirties. At this point, I hear comments about how God will “restore the years the locusts have eaten.”

    Little do they know that I’m on a wild adventure and I see no locusts in my history.

    I was just starting to write a blog post about Christmas as a single woman! I will have to link to this post.

    Continue reading “Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)”

Good Posts on Singleness from ‘Crumbs From the Communion Table’ Blog

Good Posts on Singleness from Crumbs From the Communion Table Blog

I’m not sure, but I think the guy who owns this blog is either a Christian homosexual, (or is hetero but supports homosexuality? – okay, yes, he says on his “about” page, ‘I run The Gay Christian Network, a nonprofit organization’), but he makes some very good points about how churches treat all singles, whether of the hetero or homo variety.

If he is a supporter of homosexuality in some fashion or another, do not let that dissuade you from reading his blog pages, because there’s a lot on there that a conservative, hetero Christian can agree with. Some of what he writes mirrors things I’ve been saying on my blog the last couple of years.

He also illustrates many of his posts with some happening animated GIFs. It’s worth a visit just to see the GIFs he chose for some of these blog posts 😆

(Link): Nine Ways Your Church Can Support Singles, by Justin Lee

(Link): Singles: Why Are Churches So Bad At Dealing With Them?, by Justin Lee

(Link): What Every Woman Wants. Or Not.

I believe both single MEN and women can relate to that blog post, “What Every Woman Wants. Or Not.”

I for one am sick and tired of the assumptions made by biblical gender role complementarians about womanhood (and manhood), one reason being such rigid gender role teachings actually are contributing to the rash of unwanted, protracted singleness among Christian adults.

Not only should you read “What Every Woman Wants. Or Not,” you should also take a look at the comments on the page, because you will see a few single women discussing what it’s like to be a single Christian. Even if you are a single male, you might relate to an extent to some of the things the women wrote in the comments.

……………..EXCERPTS……….

(Link): Nine Ways Your Church Can Support Singles, by Justin Lee

    The challenges we singles face go beyond financial considerations and how to abstain from sex. In a church culture that emphasizes the family unit above almost all else, where is our identity? How do we spend our time as we age and so many of our peers are busy with their families? And what do we make of the fact that even our Christian communities sometimes treat us with condescension or suspicion for being single?

    These are much bigger questions than we can address in one blog post, but for now, here are 9 ways your church can begin ministering better to single people.

    1. Include singles in your church leadership.

    2. Talk openly about singles—in sermons, in staff meetings, in church literature, everywhere you do ministry. When you do, think about how what you say and do affects different groups of singles, from the celibate gay man to the widow. Don’t let “singles” be code for “young people.”

    5. Give singles the opportunity to lead the singles ministry.
    Many pastors think they’re avoiding potential problems by having married folks lead the singles ministry, but honestly, that feels so condescending. It also gives the distinct impression that we’re all just supposed to be on a journey toward marriage, at which point we’ll be taken more seriously.

    7. Be particularly cognizant of the times many people gather with their families—holidays, important life moments, illness, etc.
    Create opportunities for your church to be their family in those times. You know all that love, support, companionship, and stability you get from having a spouse and children? We need those things, too. Think about how your church can fill those gaps.

(Link): Singles: Why Are Churches So Bad At Dealing With Them?

Excerpts:

    by Justin Lee

    … See, American Protestant churches are great at supporting families. If you want to know how to be a better, more godly husband, wife, parent, or child, we’ve got you covered. We’ve got books. We’ve got classes. We’ve got sermons. We’ve got small groups. Here, have a special edition Bible.

    But too often, we don’t seem to know what to do with single people other than somehow shove them into that frame.

    It’s not that churches don’t know they have single people. The trouble is, many churches think about singleness only as a young person’s issue. And what do single teenagers need? Lots of advice on controlling their sex drives until marriage, apparently. But single adults need a lot more than that.

———————
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): Why Even Middle Aged Married with Children Christians Are Leaving Church – Not Just Unmarried Singles | 40 Somethings Gen X Quitting Leaving Church

(Link): Why Churches Don’t Have Singles Ministries (article)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet

Greedy, Entitled Mother Expects Her Childless Friend to Buy Daughter Computer, DVD Player, or Digital Tablet

This is from “Miss Manners”:

    DEAR MISS MANNERS:
    My best friend e-mailed this Christmas wish list on behalf of her 12-year-old daughter to her friends (no family members):

    ‘’Greetings all. Zoe has asked me to e-mail you her Christmas list. We’re going to my parents’/grandmother’s for Christmas, so if you need the address to ship anything there, please let me know.”

    The list included a particular laptop, (flat screen) TV and DVD player, money/credit gift card, certain video games, a new bike (“she outgrew her old one”), gift cards (naming a number of stores), a tablet and so on.

    Then, “Look forward to talking to you all soon.”

    Am I wrong for feeling accosted? She is constantly sending out appeals for money or gifts. I wouldn’t have minded a wish list that was actually reasonable, but my friend constantly makes remarks like, “You don’t have any children, so you should have plenty of disposable income.”

    How do I respond? Normally, I would ignore it, but I feel like this is just too egregious and something needs to be said because her e-mails/requests become more outrageous with each round.

Part of me almost wishes I had a friend like this, so the moment they try this on me, I can call them on the phone, say, “Hey I got your e mail” and then proceed to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh before slamming the phone down, and maybe later sending her an email asking her to buy me a porsche, mansion, and a trip to Paris, France.

Unfreaking believable how incredibly snotty and entitled some parents are, especially towards the childless and childfree.

Because, you know, singles over age 18 are not “real” adults – Thanksgiving Letter

Because, you know, singles over age 18 are not “real” adults – Thanksgiving Letter

(Link): Thanksgiving Letter from Marney

Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving

Here is the pertinent part for this blog:

—Start Letter—

The Lisa Byron Chesterford Family

Lisa as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level. You can bring an hors d’oeuvres. A few helpful hints/suggestions. Keep it very light, and non-filling, NO COCKTAIL SAUCE, no beans of any kind. I think your best bet would be a platter of fresh veggies and dip. Not a huge platter mind you (i.e., not the plastic platter from the supermarket).

—End Letter—

Hmm. So by virtue of going from single to married, Lisa is now an adult. I guess previously she brought Hot Pockets, Ramen Noodles, or Cheetos to Marney’s feast, but is now expected to bring “grown up” items? Holy moly. When will the stereotype die that marriage is what makes one into an adult? It’s an otherwise very funny letter. Do click on the link above to read the whole thing. I feel sorry for Marney’s family.

Happy Thanksgiving.
————————
Related post(s), this blog:

(Link): Family Shortchanges Singles (letter to Dear Abby)