When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

I just blogged about this very topic just yesterday, June 25 (today is June 26) when I saw this video on You Tube today! Talk about coincidental timing!

So this psychologist, Dr. Ramani, made this 11.54 video (I’ll embed it below, you can also watch it on You Tube here) who discusses a letter by a woman married to a guy who uses (fake) illness as an excuse to leave social functions early.

The woman said her husband has a habit of faking sickness to get out of social obligations or to depart them early.

Well, the woman’s kid sister was turning 18, the family was throwing a birthday party / dinner for the young lady, and this married woman had her husband go with her.

The husband said he didn’t want to go, but the wife wouldn’t take No for an answer on this one – the husband never wanted to go to parties, and she seemed to feel like the husband would or could make an exception for this, since it was for her kid sister.

So they go to the party, the husband vomits on purpose while at the party but makes it look as though he’s sick – all so he can leave the party early and force his wife to go with him.

The psychologist who is discussing this story (she’s reading from a letter the woman wrote asking for advice) points out that so many people are quick to tell people like the woman who wrote this letter “to have boundaries,” which the woman tried on her (probably narcissistic) husband, but he didn’t heed her boundaries and instead actually doubled down on his obnoxious behavior.

I’ve seen several of Dr. Ramani’s videos before, she’s quite good, and I like her, but I always cringe a little when I hear mental health professionals who specialize in narcissism (as she does) sort of denigrate the concept of having boundaries, which she sort of does in the video embedded below.

Boundaries Usually Work And Are A Good Thing To Have

I spent 35 or so years (Link): as a severe codependent.

I believe boundaries are very important and can be life-saving and can improve one’s mental health.

Boundaries may not work in all situations or with all people, true enough, but by and large, boundaries DO work with most people and most situations and can save your self esteem, energy, mental health, and possibly your bank account in the long run.

Continue reading “When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc”

According to Progressives, Only Black People May Publicly Opine About, Discuss, or Analyze the Will Smith 2022 Oscar’s Slap of Chris Rock – Why I Kind of Disagree

According to Progressives, Only Black People May Publicly Opine About,  Discuss or Analyze, the Will Smith 2022 Oscar’s Slap of Chris Rock – Why I Kind of Disagree

This post has been edited after publication to add more content


I’m not sure if all or most progressives would state their position on this subject as being, “Only POC (People of Color) can or should discuss actor Will Smith slapping stand up comic and actor Chris Rock” or not.

For those not familiar (are you living under a rock?!), both Will Smith and Chris Rock are black, celebrity men, and, Will Smith, who is a movie actor, slapped Chris Rock across the face during the Oscar program for telling a tepid joke about Smith’s wife; Rock told a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s hair (or lack thereof) at the 2022 Oscars ceremony.

This topic is quite close to one I’ve been meaning to blog about for months now, which I may get around to later.

Here’s one example of several I’ve seen ever since The Slap, where progressives of whatever skin color are telling non-Blacks to shut up:

(Link): ‘Sit this out’: MSNBC host says white people ‘do not understand’ Will Smith slap

I have a few reasons why I don’t really agree with progressives on this topic.

Continue reading “According to Progressives, Only Black People May Publicly Opine About, Discuss, or Analyze the Will Smith 2022 Oscar’s Slap of Chris Rock – Why I Kind of Disagree”

Baptist Pastor Arrested for Child Porn Possession After Authorities Search Parsonage

Baptist Pastor Arrested for Child Porn Possession After Authorities Search Parsonage

I bet this pastor is married. (Probably has kids, too.) They usually are married.

Many men are not fit or moral enough to serve as pastors. Complementarians have no leg to stand on, not even with their cherry-picked, ‘I forbid a woman to teach’ verses they always like to harp on.

(Link): NH pastor charged with child pornography possession after 5-year investigation 

by A. Conklin, March 19, 2022

A New Hampshire pastor has been charged with multiple counts of possessing child pornography after a five-year investigation, according to court documents.

Nashua police arrested Stephen Bates, 46, on March 15. The Bible Baptist Church pastor is now facing five counts of possession of child sexual abuse material (CSAM) and is being held on $3,000 cash bail.

“I think this case is particularly concerning because he is a pastor and somebody that’s involved in the community here,” Nashua Police Lt. Brian Trefry told WHDH.

The Nashua Police Department has been investigating Bates since 2016, when the department received 14 tips from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children alleging that a user at the church had uploaded CSAM from an IP address leading back to the church.

…On March 15, police executed a search warrant and contacted Bates, who gave police two flash drives from his back pocket. The USBs showed various child sex abuse images, according to the affidavit.

(Link): Nashua, NH Pastor facing child pornography charge 

NASHUA, N.H. — A pastor in Nashua, NH has been arrested and charged in connection with an extensive child pornography investigation.

Police in Nashua Tuesday arrested 46-year-old Pastor Stephen Bates at the Bible Baptist Church.

Investigators say that church has been connected to several investigations beginning in 2016, when they were contacted by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children with a cybertip indicated child pornography had been accessed by an IP address at the church.

(Link): NH Pastor Faces New Charges in Investigation Dating Back Over 5 Years

A pastor at a New Hampshire church now faces five felony charges of possession of child sexual abuse images after investigators said they found five graphic videos showing child sex abuse images on a flash drive in his pocket.

Stephen Bates, 46, was arrested Tuesday morning at the Bible Baptist Church on Caldwell Road, where he lives, on a felony charge of possession of child sexual abuse images. Court documents released Thursday show he is now facing five charges of possession of child sexual abuse images, instead of just one.

Continue reading “Baptist Pastor Arrested for Child Porn Possession After Authorities Search Parsonage”

I Guess The Southern Baptist “Biblical Womanhood” Site Is No More – Many Other Complementarian Blogs Now Inactive – and I’m Not Sad About It

I Guess The Southern Baptist “Biblical Womanhood” Site Is No More – Many Other Complementarian Blogs Now Inactive – and I’m Not Sad About It

I wrote about this Southern Baptist site a few years ago, here:

(Link): Southern Baptist’s New Sexist “Biblical Woman” Site – Attitudes in Total Face Palm of a Site One Reason Among Many This Unmarried and Childless Woman Is Saying Toodle-Oo to Christianity

Biblical Womanhood mast head screen shot
Biblical Womanhood mast head screen shot

That site was hosted here at one time:

(Link): Biblical Womanhood (Southern Baptist site – www.biblicalwoman.com)

However, as of February 2022, the site is not loading. I guess it was taken down?

I’ve done some web searching, but I cannot find another site about Biblical Womanhood like this one by SWBTS, or written by them.

Their site was an off shoot of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary (their site: swbts.com).

Their site’s affiliated Twitter, account, @BiblicalWoman still exists, but they removed all Tweets – well, the Twitter account must’ve been newer than the site, because the Twitter page says they started their account in 2019, but their site goes back to at least around 2014.

Apparently, the last that site was active was May 15, 2021, if the (Link): Wayback Machine site: Biblical Womanhood Site Archived is any indication.

On another look, 2015 was the date on Wayback Machine’s last available date for them, but a few of their blog posts are time stamped 2019.

Edit. I think somewhere on the archived “Biblical Womanhood” site is a notice that says they will be shutting their Christianized Martha Stewart site down and moving content over to Facebook.

Let me see if I can find them on Facebook. Their archived site states that their Facebook group address is (Link): facebook.com/BiblicalWoman. I tried that link, but it goes to a blank page, except for this text:

This Page Isn’t Available
The link may be broken, or the page may have been removed. Check to see if the link you’re trying to open is correct.
— end —

So even their Facebook presence was deactivated at some stage.

But where ever, and how ever, will I get content to shame me for being single into my adulthood (the TGC or Desiring God sites maybe)?

Where else will I get content like, “55 Feminine, Biblical Casserole Recipes with Hamburger Meat as an Ingredient,” -?
or, “17 Feminine, Godly Handi-Crafts Using Popsicle Sticks Glued Together” -? Where?! 

Can I make it through life without gender stereotyped dating, cooking, and arts- and- crafts advice from complementarians?  What ever will I do?🤔🙄

From the Southern Baptist Biblical Womanhood’s (Link): archived “About” page:

Whether it’s parenting your teenage daughter, finding purpose in your singleness ….
— end excerpt —

Oh please. 99.9% of the time, 100% of complementarians are only interested in three, four areas areas in regards to women(*), and NONE of them have to do with single women, because complementarians, beyond giving their presumptuous “practice being a good homemaker NOW, while you’re living alone in your own apartment, to prepare yourself for the day, when you’re 25 and get married and have children!” articles (presumptuous because some women never end up marrying), they never have anything meaningful to say about adult female (or male, for that matter) singleness.

The areas most complementarians harp on 100% of the time include:

  • convincing women it’s not biblical for them to preach,
  • brainwashing them to think the complementarian form of codependency (“submission”) is good and godly,
  • and constantly harping on “marriage and motherhood.”

Continue reading “I Guess The Southern Baptist “Biblical Womanhood” Site Is No More – Many Other Complementarian Blogs Now Inactive – and I’m Not Sad About It”

Acceptance (vs. Denial, Anger, or Should-ing) – Helps in Healing and Getting Through Painful Events and Dealing With Things You Cannot Change

Acceptance (vs. Denial, Anger, or Should-ing) – Helps in Healing and Getting Through Painful Events and Dealing With Things You Cannot Change

Disclaimer: All names have been changed in the post below to keep people’s identities anonymous.


One of the things I’ve noticed in the last few years is that when I’ve accepted a situation, whether something current or something from years ago that once bothered me a lot, is that it speeds up the recovery process.

I used to hold on tightly to people or dreams or hopes. In the last few years, I’ve gotten better at Letting Go.

(I’ve not arrived at perfection at this, but I have improved a lot in the last couple of years.)

Instead of constantly regretting, feeling sad or angry about a past incident, or that my life is not where I want it to be now, I’ve learned to accept my past and present, and that has definitely been good for my mental health – and I’m more able to enjoy each day as it is, instead of sitting around angry or upset that things aren’t how I had hoped or planned.

I don’t get as upset by set backs as I once did.

Continue reading “Acceptance (vs. Denial, Anger, or Should-ing) – Helps in Healing and Getting Through Painful Events and Dealing With Things You Cannot Change”

‘WTF, Zuck?!’ Per Report, Over HALF of Online Recruitment in Active Sex Trafficking Last Year Took Place on Facebook

‘WTF, Zuck?!’ Per Report, Over HALF of Online Recruitment in Active Sex Trafficking Last Year Took Place on Facebook

The first link about Facebook below is behind a pay wall. I will not be subscribing to view it all.

Hello, (Link): Jeri Massi, (Link): Stephanie Drury, (Link): Melody Kay Young, and all the other rabid, foaming at the mouth Trump haters, pay attention to this…

(Link): ‘WTF, Zuck?!’ Per report, over HALF of online recruitment in active sex trafficking last year took place on Facebook

Facebook is so focused on suspending Trump it seems to have MISSED some pretty damn big issues on its own site.

DAMN big issues, like active recruitment in sex trafficking taking place ON THEIR PLATFORM.

Over half of it even… 

Other sources carrying this news story:

(Link): Most online recruitment in sex trafficking cases occurs on Facebook: analysis

(Link): Facebook is a hub of sex trafficking recruitment in the US, report says

“The Internet has become the dominant tool traffickers use to recruit victims.”

Facebook is the most commonly used social media platform for human sex trafficking recruitment in the US, according to a new report published by the Human Trafficking Institute.

Continue reading “‘WTF, Zuck?!’ Per Report, Over HALF of Online Recruitment in Active Sex Trafficking Last Year Took Place on Facebook”

Christian Colleges Would Rather Women Students Die in Fires Than Leave Dorms in Immodest Clothing

(There is an update to this post farther below, under the “November 2014 update” heading)

Some Christian colleges, of the Baptist variety, it seems, would rather women students die in a fire than to leave their dorm rooms dressed immodestly.

I suppose it is better for a woman to die in a fire than for a man to catch a glimpse of the corner of a woman’s nightgown, God forbid.

(Link):  MODEST IS HOTTEST (LITERALLY) – from Stuff Fundies Like blog

(Link):  This School Has the Worst Fire Safety Policy You’ve Ever Seen – from The Friendly Atheist blog

Excerpts:

The other day, I (Link): posted a story about a former Pensacola Christian College student who had awful recollections of the school’s fire drill policy:

Of course PCC isn’t known for really caring much about fire safety anyway. For years the rule has remained on the books that all female students must be in “proper” attire before they leave their rooms for a fire drill. If you happen to be sleeping in pajama pants, you must take the time to put on a skirt before you try to escape the flames. If you should perish then at least you’ll know you died for the cause of not tempting the fire fighters to lust after you.

//// end article excerpt ///

The atheist blogger says he contacted the Christian college and asked them to please clarify their stance. There ensued an exchange of 4 or 5 e-mails where yes, the college insists that Christian women put on pants, robes, or what have you before leaving in a fire drill.

Further excerpts, by the blogger:

After my last post, some commenters referred to a (Link): 2002 fire at a girls’ school in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Because they were not wearing proper religious garb, the girls were instructed to head back into a burning building. 15 girls died in the fire; who knows how many lives could have been saved if safety, not modesty, was the first priority.

–[end article excerpt]—

Yes, as I’ve noted before, there are times when fundamentalist, evangelical, and other types of Christianity, sound remarkably close to Islam or Mormonism.

I cannot believe that Christians teach this sort of garbage, which can be unsafe for women.

Christians who promote such views also fail to recognize the irony, in that while their goal appears to keep men from “stumbling” by seeing a woman dressed in a night gown, they are, at the same time, sexually objectifying women.

In other words, Christians who push absurdist forms of modesty teachings and practices are contributing to the very problem they are trying to halt, and causing other problems on top of that.

November 2014 update….

About a week ago, someone tweeted me in response, after I tweeted a link to this blog post, that she doesn’t feel that my blog’s heading accurately depicts the situation.

She seems to feel that this behavior – requiring college women to bundle up before leaving a dorm room during a fire drill – is not truly representative of  American Christianity in general.

She noted that these colleges mentioned in the stories above are very, very conservative institutions, so they should not be taken of being representative of all Christians.

The lady who informed me of this is someone who is, if I understand correctly, a founder of a well known, Christian gender egalitarian blog, one which I enjoy.

I see what she’s saying, but – this is still a problem within Christianity, regardless.

There are different degrees of sexism within Christianity, by the branches or denominations who cling to, or who defend, “gender complementarianism,” “purity” and “modesty” teachings as being biblical.

There are times when American conservative evangelicalism and other forms of Christianity sound a lot like Mormonism and Islam (I’ve posted stories before noting the similarities of beliefs and practices among these groups, especially as pertaining to sex, dating, marriage and views, teachings, and treatment or roles of women).

While there may be Christian universities who do not demand that female students dress head to toe in “burka garb” before departing a dorm during a fire drill, this doesn’t change the fact that this type of objectification of women can still be found in lesser forms in those universities, or in Christian literature, sermons, churches, blogs, and books.

The same views about women that under-gird the extreme conservative colleges on these strict clothing requirements during fire drills is the same exact rationale, convictions, and worldviews which underlie the more mild expressions of sexism against women by gender complementarians (such as not permitting women to preach in churches, teaching one-way submission of wives to husbands, etc) that this woman’s own blog who contacted me covers on a regular basis.

———————

h/t to Stuff Fundies Like blog, which in turn linked to another story at the Friendly Atheist blog

————————-

Related posts:

(Link):  Sexualizing Modesty – Christians Defeating the Purpose

(Link): When We Sacrifice a Girl’s Innocence from NatePyle.com Re: Modesty and Purity Teachings

(Link): Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): When Suits Become a Stumbling Block: A Plea to My Brothers in Christ* by LP

(Link):  Extremist Muslims Like Family Values Too – Muslims are joining ISIS / ISIL (extremist Islamic group) because they believe it supports “Family Values” – When Christianity and Islam sound alike

(Link):  Southern Baptists Pushing Early Marriage, Baby Making – Iranians Pushing Mandatory Motherhood – When Christians Sound Like Muslims

(Link): Funny Satirical Piece: Woman Mocks Demands for Female Modesty By Shaming Males (and their judgy Mothers) For Being Immodest

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Women Reading and Enjoying Erotica (Fifty Shades of Grey) Yes, Females Are Interested In Sex – Contrary to Gender Stereotypes

(Link): Boy Bands, Rock Singers, and Other High School Crushes – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Male Modesty and Male Shaming

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Modesty Teachings – When Mormons Sound like Christians and Gender Complementarians

(Link): “He’s Got Muscles” – Pat Robertson Weirdness (Discussing Tebow’s Sexiness)

(Link): When Women Wanted Sex Much More Than Men – and how the stereotype flipped

(Link): Christian Gender and Sex Stereotypes Act as Obstacles to Christian Singles Who Want to Get Married (Not All Men Are Obsessed with Sex)

Taking the Opposite Position from Neo Calvinists Just Because It’s the Opposite of Neo Calvinists

Taking the Opposite Position from Neo Calvinists Just Because It’s the Opposite of Neo Calvinists

I touched on this in an earlier post or two, such as this one: (Link): No Man’s Land – Part 2 – On Post Evangelicals or Ex Christians or Liberal Christians Ignorantly Hopping Aboard Belief Sets They Once Rejected.

But this time, I wanted to discuss Neo Calvinism and spiritual abuse blogs and advocates in particular.

I do not support Neo Calvinism, or even old school Calvinism. I think Calvinism is a crock of crap.

Many of the NC’s (Neo Calvinists, aka YRRs), are arrogant, narrow minded jerks.

My problem with seeing NC guys, their churches, or their positions discussed and picked apart by some bloggers is that the anti NCs go into reactionary mode.

Their positions often time seem not so much well thought out in and of themselves, but that they will take a position opposite of that held by most NCs just because it’s the opposite of that held by NCs.

I do know a little bit about NCs and their theological beliefs, but not as much as their frequent critics.

According to their frequent critics, NCs believe in a literal six day creation, not an old age of the earth.

(As for me, I am NOT an NC, and I believe in a literal six day creation.)

My issue when I visit blogs or Twitter accounts by people who are vehemently anti NC is that they will, it appears to me, automatically take the opposite position on anything John Piper, The Gospel Coaltion, and other NC guys say just to be contrary.

Continue reading “Taking the Opposite Position from Neo Calvinists Just Because It’s the Opposite of Neo Calvinists”

Parents who kill their children by intentionally leaving them locked in hot cars all day – Dad was sexting while his toddler son was dying in car

Parents who kill their children by intentionally leaving them locked in hot cars all day – Dad was sexting while his toddler son was dying in car
—————————————–
Notice from Christian Pundit blogger: There is coming a time when I will either not be blogging as frequently or not at all. Please read more about that here in this post (Link): Blog Break – May 2014 – and List of This Blog’s Best or Most Relevant Posts
—————————————-
There was a story in the news this past week of an idiot father, Harris, who killed his toddler son by intentionally leaving him locked in a hot car for several hours.

The police examined Harris’ home computer and say both he and his wife researched information online on ‘how long does it take for child to die in a hot car’ and so forth.

But wait, it gets even better. According to headlines I saw today, not only did Dirt Bag Dad leave his toddler son to die in a hot car, but he “sexted” women, including TEENAGERS, while his kid was dying, and in the weeks before. (See links to that below for more.)

I’m in my early 40s but am like a cranky old woman when it comes to babies and children. I have never married and never had children. I do not like children or babies or being around them. I try to avoid them if I can.

But you know what: I would never intentionally harm or murder a baby or a child. If I saw a kid in trouble, I would come to his or her assistance, or at least call the police.

I bring this all up because it is a common, nasty stereotype in Southern Baptist, Reformed, Fundamentalist, and evangelical Christianity that single adults and the childless (or childfree) are selfish, warped, weird, immature losers, but that parents and the married are instantly more godly, ethical, and more mature. I think news stories like the ones I’ve linked to below debunk these Christian stereotypes.

Understand that I am NOT opposed to people remaining virgins until marriage, but:
I also think this news story blows holes in the evangelical sex propaganda that if people just maintain virginity until marriage, that the sex will be mindblowing, great, frequent, and constant.

How “mindblowing” was this married father’s sex life if he was sexting women and teen girls with nude photos?

On a last note: some Christians will argue that you must become perfect and godly before God will reward you with a spouse. Is a man, like the one in this news story below, who murders his own two year old son and who sends pornographic photos to young teen women, perfect and godly?

If you’re a Christian who believes in the nonsense that an unmarried person must clean herself up, become godly and perfect, before God will reward her with a spouse, please explain what it was this dirt bag father did to merit a spouse from God? He is far from perfect, godly, and loving.

(Link): Detective: Dad who left child in hot SUV showed no emotion after boy died

    By KATE BRUMBACKASSOCIATED PRESS
    updated Thursday, July 3, 2014

    Harris was exchanging nude photos with several women, including teenagers, even on the day his son died when he was at work, Stoddard said. In the weeks before the boy’s death, the man also had looked at a website that advocated against having children and had done an Internet search for “how to survive in prison,” the detective said.

(Link): Detective: Dad had 2 life insurance policies for son

    MARIETTA, Ga. — A Georgia man charged with murder in his 22-month-old son’s death was sexting with several women on the day of his son’s death and that he had two life insurance policies on his son, a detective testified Thursday.

    During a probable cause hearing in Cobb County Magistrate Court for Justin Ross Harris, Cobb County Police Detective Phil Stoddard said Harris, who is charged with murder and child cruelty in the June 18 death of his young son, Cooper, intentionally left his son in the car.

    Stoddard testified the two life insurance policies on Cooper were for $2,000 and $25,000.

    The detective also testified that Harris had accessed websites advocating “child free” and searched “how to survive prison” before Cooper died.

(Link): Georgia Dad in Hot-Car Death Case ‘Sexted’ Other Women: Cops

    The suburban Atlanta father accused of murdering his toddler by leaving him in a hot SUV for several hours was in an unhappy marriage and wanted a “child-free life,” a detective testified Thursday.

    Justin Ross Harris, 33, of Marietta, had even been sexting with other women in the two weeks before son Cooper was found dead in the back seat of the family SUV on June 18, said Cobb County Det. Phil Stoddard.

    Prosecutors during Harris’ probable cause hearing were building a case for why Harris allegedly left his son in a sweltering car on purpose while he was at work. “Evidence shows he has this whole second life … with alternate personas,” Stoddard said. It was also revealed that Harris and his wife, Leanna, had two life insurance policies on their 22-month-old son.

(Link): Watch live: Prosecutor says Justin Ross Harris sexted while toddler in car; witness describes him as sobbing father

(Link): Dad Charged With Toddler’s Hot Car Death Was Sexting While Boy Died: Cop

Christian Confusion on Sexual Ethics – Sexual Purity is For All Ages and All Marital Statuses, and Sexual Sin is Not Just Limited to Adultery – Rape is Not An Extra Marital Affair

Christian Confusion on Sexual Ethics – Sexual Purity is For All Ages and All Marital Statuses, and Sexual Sin is Not Just Limited to Adultery – Rape is Not An Affair

Conservative Christians keeps presenting some very skewed views about sex and sexual sin.

While a lot of Christians have watered down the biblical teaching of “virginity- until- marriage,” the ones who still do bother to give it lip service seem to think that sexual sin only befalls unmarried people who are younger than age 25.

There is an ignorant assumption by most Christians that married couples will never commit sexual sin, because they are supposedly getting their sexual desires satiated on a regular basis with their spouse (which is false, see these links: Link 1, Link 2, Link 3, Link 4, for just a few examples).

In some recent news stories about rape, some Christians have been characterizing the reported rapes as being “extra marital affairs,” and one young lady, who was raped several times at age 19 by a co-worker, told her Christian college (B.J.U., Bob Jones University) about the rapes, and was told by college staff that she needed to repent of her sin of being a rape victim.

I wrote about the first story here:
(Link): Married Youth Pastor Jailed for Sexually Assaulting Teen Girl Writes Editorial About Said Abuse for Christianity Today, Uproar Ensues On Christian Blogs

One rape victim also made the comment in an interview that she thought in terms of sexual sin as being ‘adultery’ and did not have a concept of rape.

As one commentator over at SCCL Facebook group pointed out in regards to this news story about BJU’s mishandling of response to sexual assault victims (source),

    The lack of a working, moral vocabulary for sexual violation is a huge blindspot for faith communities. The Christianity Today article last week was also couched in “adultery” terms. The discussion of sexual morality has to grow outside the marriage/adultery frame. Also, that moral vocabulary has to do a better job in connecting to broader social justice. Less hush-up. More call-out.

It is true that often, in their stereotypes about sex and sexual sin, the Christians who do bother to preach against sexual sin any more (many do not preach against it), still often neglect to teach that celibacy applies to married couples (e.g., when one partner cannot perform, or the couple are apart for whatever reason), as well as to unmarried people, and that sexual purity applies to people of all ages, not just to teen-aged kids.

(Link): Rape victims say Bob Jones University told them to repent

Excerpts:

    June 18, 2014 1:00PM ET
    by Claire Gordo

    Raised in a conservative Mennonite home in rural Ohio, Katie Landry was a sheltered kid. She hadn’t even held hands with a boy when, at age 19, she says her supervisor at her summer job raped her. Two years later, and desperate for help, she reported the abuse to the dean of students at her college.

    He goes, ‘Well, there’s always a sin under other sin. There’s a root sin,’” Landry remembers. “And he said, ‘We have to find the sin in your life that caused your rape.’ And I just ran.”

    …But most damaging was how, through the language of Scripture, victims say they were told that their sins had brought on their rapes, that their trauma meant they were fighting God and that healing came from forgiving their rapists.

    [Katie Landry discusses having been raped by a co-worker]

    Landry didn’t know the word rape; she only knew adultery, and liked the man’s wife, she said. Afraid of her attacker and deeply ashamed, she said she failed most her classes first semester, and kept her assaults a secret until her junior year.

I do think there is something very amiss with any so-called Christian group, church, or denomination, that speaks of sexual sin only in terms of adultery, so that when a young, unmarried woman is sexually assaulted, she does not even have the terminology to describe it, or is not even familiar with the word “rape.”

I also wonder if the church Ms. Landry attended did not read aloud from the Scriptures, where episodes such as the rape of Tamar are discussed (see (Link): 2 Samuel 13:32).

Christians have idolized marriage to the point that it’s given them faulty views about sexual sin, where some of them think only un-married adults are capable of sexual sin, or others think that the only sexual sin married people are capable of is “adultery” (never mind all the married men who view porn, use prostitutes or who sexually fondle children, aside from men raping 19 year old women).

I see a lot of outrage over this B.J.U. story from left wingers, ex Christians, etc, and rightly so – but – these are the same groups who criticize sexual purity teachings, which I find a tad hypocritical.

If Christians supported and taught sexual purity across the board rather than only emphasizing virginity for females ages teen to 25, but also taught and upheld the biblical views that males are to remain virgins until marriage as well, and that any sexual activity outside of marriage (rape, consensual affairs, porn use, etc), was wrong, maybe some of these problems could be lowered.
————————-
Related posts:

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Perverted Christian Married Couple Wants to “Wife Swap” (For Sex) With Other Christian Couple – Why Christians Need to Uphold Chastity / Celibacy For All People Even Married Couples Not Just Teens

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Males and Females Raped at Christian College, College Doesn’t Care – Equally Yoked is a Joke

(Link): How Feminists Are Making Women Easier Rape Targets

(Link): The ol’ Christian myth that married couples are impervious to sexual sin but singles have lots of sexual sin

(Link): New ‘Christian Swingers’ Dating Site Offers Faithful Couples Chance to ‘Hookup’

(Link): Marriage does not guarantee sexual purity: Married guy discovers his wife is having sex chats with online buddy

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Jason the Christian’s Sexless Marriage – Christians promise hot regular steamy married sex but it isn’t true

(Link): AARP post: How to Handle a Sexless Married Life – But Christians Promise You Great Hot Regular Married Sex

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with

Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial

This editorial had some points I agreed with but some I did not. Under this long excerpt are rebuttals by a reader of this editorial on Christian Post.

(Link): Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy, by Dannah Gresh

Excerpts:

    April 16, 2014|4:39 pm
    Recently, modesty proponents have been accused of promoting “rape culture” by both faith-based and mainstream bloggers and columnists. The thinking, led by secular third wave feminists, asserts that discussing modesty “sexualizes women” which in turn contributes to rape crimes.

    During the same time period over 100 million readers made E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Barna research reports no statistical difference in the percentage of Christian women versus the general public reading the series, which glamorizes sexual violence against women. The Christian media has been largely silent on this issue.

    As a leader in both the modesty movement and the fight against women being victimized by pornography and erotica, I find the Christian response to reveal a tragic double standard.

    Does teaching modesty promote “rape culture”? A better question to begin with is this: does “rape culture” even exist?

    Last month, a TIME Magazine article declared that it was “Time To End Rape Culture Hysteria.” Writer Caroline Kitchens championed the report of the nation’s leading anti-sexual violence organization, RAINN, which rebuked the overemphasis on the concept of “rape culture” as a means of preventing rape, citing that 90% of rapes on college campuses are committed by 3% of the male population. RAINN argues that rape is the product of individuals who have decided to disregard the overwhelming cultural messages that rape is wrong.

    The fact is rape crime is on the decline.

    …. The RAINN report argues that the trend towards focusing on cultural factors “has the paradoxical effect of making it harder to stop sexual violence, since it removes the focus from the individual at fault, and seemingly mitigates personal responsibility for his or her own actions.”

    … The “rape culture” idea is a feminist dogma implying that ultimately all women are victimized by men. This monolithic generalization paralyzes us from focusing together on how we can continue the good work of reducing the number of victims.

    The reduction would begin by cancelling out the fallacious “victim” label placed on those who’ve been encouraged to dress modestly. Case in point is the current verbal riot occurring over an Evanston, Illinois public school dress code, which showcases well how harmful the “rape culture” vultures can be. Under allegations that the school recently banned leggings and yoga pants, feminists accused the district of “slut shaming” girls.

    …And there’s nothing wrong with teaching Christian girls and women that God wants nothing they wear to distract from the good works they do and the great minds God’s given to them. In fact, from a biblical perspective it’s very right.

    …This same sad dichotomy is seen in the Christian dialogue with bloggers fueling the self-proclaimed “evangelistic” rhetoric of third wave feminists under the guise of Christian socialism, while those on the front lines as activists-teaching girls and women to respect themselves by training them in the biblical concepts of modesty and purity, and binding the wounds of those victimized by porn and erotica-take the blows of their hollow arguments.

    … The Christian media should lead the charge in righting this grave double standard. That is, unless, we are going to continue to take our cues from the feminist culture, which applies “tolerance” to any sexual preference unless it lines up with God’s plan for sexuality.

Responses by readers of the editorial:

    by RoyalCourt

    This is one of those topics where both sides – secular feminists and Christians – get some points right, but get some points wrong. I’ve nothing against parents teaching daughters to dress modestly – however, there are some incorrect assumptions being made by Christians who teach modesty.

    First of all, women are visually stimulated too, not just men, as Christians erroneously teach. There is a double standard, though, where Christians only tell women to dress modestly, but never advise young, hot sexy men with nice bods to keep their t-shirts on.

    Secondly, modesty should not be taught to females in such a way to suggest that they are responsible for the male gaze or male sexual sins.

    In the end scheme of things, it matters not if a buxom, nuible young thing parades naked in front of a Christian man: he is still responsible for his thought life and his actions, regardless of how a woman is dressed.

    Lastly, what one man considers modest another would still consider immodest, sexy, or a “turn on.” There is no universally-agreed upon definition or dress code for what constitutes “modest,” unless Christians want to start forcing all women to wear Islamic burkas.

    Continue reading “Fifty Shades of Feminine Hypocrisy – editorial by Gresh, discusses slut shaming, rape culture, modesty – has points I agree and disagree with”

Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again

Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again

I’ve blogged on this before: married people left single again in a sense because their spouse developed dementia.

The church – run by married couples – makes an idol out of marriage, treats singles like second class citizens, or doesn’t take notice of singles, and it never seems to enter their minds that one day their spouse will be dead, either of old age, or possibly prematurely in their 30s, 40s, 50s from an auto accident, cancer or some other incident or health problem.

Your spouse could divorce you when you’re both 38 years old – maybe he says he’s fallen out of love, or he wants to run off with another woman.

If a woman’s husband is physically or emotionally abusive, she may have to divorce him.

Being married now is not a guarantee you’ll be married tomorrow or five years from now.

This is one reason it is to the benefit of married people to keep and maintain friendships with other people outside their immediate family (like hey, single adults).

Here’s another article about married people being, in effect, in a manner of speaking, left single again because their spouse has dementia.

(Link): Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife

    • Alzheimer’s puts caregivers in painful in-betweens.
    Jamie A. Hughes, guest writer

… But for my grandmother, the outcome isn’t so promising, as her husband will continue to lose abilities with each passing year. She is one of 15 million people in the United States caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia.

According to a recent report by the Alzheimer’s Association, more than 5.2 million Americans are affected by this disease, and the number is expected to climb to 13.8 million by 2050.

… Women bear the brunt of this illness in more ways than one. Not only are we more likely to be diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, but we also shoulder the burden of being primary caregivers. (Between 60 to 70 percent of people nursing a loved one with this condition are female.)

…2 Corinthians 9:11 says that Christians are “enriched in every way to be generous in every way” (NKJV), but I lost sight of that in the confusion of shifting family dynamics.

My grandfather struggled to pray at family gatherings, so my uncle assumed the task. Another person absorbed his duties around the house. Others became the handyman, bookkeeper, and financial planner.

Though I did whatever I could to help my grandfather, I rarely spared a thought for my grandmother. I didn’t fully understand how this disease has eaten away at her life and sense of self.

I came to see that she, too, was mourning—both for herself and the man she’s loved for 58 years, the one she’s losing to a pitiless disease that scours memories from the gray grooves of his brain.

Continue reading “Neither Fully Widow Nor Fully Wife – Married People Will Be Single Again”