America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

I don’t know how much of this I agree with, but it does pertain to topics I blog about frequently, so here it is.

I keep seeing conservative Christian men blame feminism for delayed marriage among men, and at least one Christian sociologist blamed Christian women for declining marriage rates, because he feels that single Christian women are unwilling to marry Christian male porn addicts – he argues they should marry porn addicts anyway (for real; see this post).

Yet another article I (Link): linked to previously blamed porn addiction – that men are getting their kicks from nude women online, so they don’t feel the need to date real life women.

This article is citing immaturity for why so many men are not marrying (the single men supposedly want to play video games all day long).

An older article on my site that I linked to (Link): blamed the poor economy.

(Link): America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

Excerpts:

Where have America’s young men gone? According to Erik Hurst, an economist from the University of Chicago, they haven’t gone anywhere—they’re just plugged in.

In a (Link): recent interview, Hurst says that his research indicates that young men with less than a four-year degree (according to virtually all data, that’s an increasing number) are spending their days unemployed and unmarried, but not un-amused.

“The hours that they are not working have been replaced almost one-for-one with leisure time,” Hurst reports. “Seventy-five percent of this new leisure time falls into one category: video games. The average low-skilled, unemployed man in this group plays video games an average of twelve, and sometimes upwards of thirty hours per week.”

Hurst goes on: “These individuals are living with parents or relatives, and happiness surveys actually indicate that they [are] quite content compared to their peers, making it hard to argue that some sort of constraint, [such as that] they are miserable because they can’t find a job, is causing them to play video games.”

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

• 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
• 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

Am I opposed to marriage? No.

Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

Husband Lying to Wife About Video Game Console Purchase Another Example of How Being Married Does Not Make A Person More Mature or Ethical

Husband Lying to Wife About Video Game Console Purchase Another Example of How Being Married Does Not Make A Person More Mature or Ethical

Many conservative Christians believe and teach that marriage (and parenting) makes people grow up and mature. Which is bunk. The Bible teaches no such thing, and real life experience bears it out. Plenty of people who marry and have children remain self absorbed, irresponsible, selfish, and immature.

Here’s an example of how marriage does not make a person more mature or ethical.

If you are a Christian running around believing or teaching the horrid stereotype that singles who are single past the age of 25 are immature, selfish dweebs, and that marriage is some kind of requirement to mature a man, please explain to me how the husband in the following marriage is displaying morality or maturity, because I am not seeing those qualities.

“Ask Amy” news paper advice column (I have additional comments below this Ask Amy letter):

Ask Amy: My husband lied and said he won his new game console

Posted Oct 16, 2014

• DEAR AMY:
• I got a phone call from a video game store telling me that my husband had won a new game console.
• I called my husband, and he picked up his prize.
• I found out that my husband hadn’t won a contest. He conspired with the assistant store manager to deceive me. It turns out he paid for the console but didn’t want me to know.
•  When I confronted him about the lie, he denied it, even after I had proof.
• After finally admitting it, he flipped it on me and said that because I couldn’t afford to buy him a nice birthday gift, he had the store call me about the contest in hopes that I would pick up the game system and pass it off as a gift from me. Now he won’t speak to me or have anything to do with me.
• Shouldn’t I be the one who is angry because of his lies and deceit?
•  [Signed,]
• All Played Out

I am not seeing how being married magically transformed this woman’s husband into an honest, ethical, un-selfish person.

As you can see under the “related posts” section below, one problem Christians create when they teach “marriage and parenthood” as sanctifiers, or as supposed necessities for developing maturity, is that they create more problems for Christians and society.

A person can be 40 years old, never married, childless, and yet still treated like a teenager by the larger Christian culture. Singles at the ages of 30, 40, and older are often barred from leading or serving in churches in a meaningful way.

As one editorial explains, some single women, who are age teen to 20s, may dress in a provocative manner or start fornicating to “prove” to themselves and other adults that they are in fact adults.

That is, Christians send the message that to “truly” be a full fledged adult, one must marry and have a baby (and the implication is that having sexual activity is what makes a person an adult).

So, what are unmarried, childless (and celibate) 18 year old women to do, or unmarried, childless (and celibate) men and women who are age 25, 35, 45, 55 or older?

How do they “prove” that they are in fact just as “adult,” grown up, responsible and mature as your average 60 year old, married- with- kids couple?

Not that single, childless, and/or celibate adults should “have” to prove to anyone, including Christians, that they are in fact just as mature as married people or as parents, but I am only noting that by considering being married a barometer of maturity, Christians “hose” and disrespect those adults who never marry, and tend to treat single, celibate, and/or childless adults like second-class citizens.

Evangelicals, Reformed, Fundamentalists, and Baptists do not offer any criteria along these lines for adult singles.

Someone can arrive to age 40 (or older) without every having married (and no kids), but the church and wider Christian culture offers them no reassurance that yes, they are just as every bit grown-up, mature, and responsible as the 60 year old, married- with- kids couples.

Conservative Christians of many stripes in the United States INSIST you marry and pop out a child to demonstrate to them, to God, and to the world, that you are officially a “grown up.”

The Bible teaches no such thing. The Bible no where presents baby making or marriage as necessities to be made holy or to become mature.

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Related posts:

(Link) : How Christians Have Failed on Teaching Maturity and Morality Vis A Vis Marriage / Parenthood – Used as Markers of Maturity Or Assumed to be Sanctifiers – Also: More Hypocrisy – Christians Teach You Need A Spouse to Be Purified, But Also Teach God Won’t Send You a Spouse Until You Become Purified

(Link) : A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link) : Extremist Muslims Like Family Values Too – Muslims are joining ISIS / ISIL (extremist Islamic group) because they believe it supports “Family Values” – When Christianity and Islam sound alike

(Link) : Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link) :  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site