Craigslist Confessional: I’m in My 40s, Never Married, and a Virgin—but I’m Happy by Abigail

Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail

(Link): Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail

Excerpts

Abigail, 40s

I come from what’s considered a pretty small family in my community. My parents are both Holocaust survivors, but growing up, our neighborhood wasn’t just Orthodox Jewish families like mine.

A lot of my friends were Italian, so it was really easy to see the difference between how other kids were raised, and how we were being raised. I went to an all-girls school that had a double curriculum: morning classes were religious, and the afternoon classes were secular.

By the time I was 19, three quarters of my high school class was engaged. The typical age for marriage was in the early twenties, so I didn’t really feel too much pressure at the time. But in our community, you don’t have “boyfriends.” You look for husbands.

Continue reading “Craigslist Confessional: I’m in My 40s, Never Married, and a Virgin—but I’m Happy by Abigail”

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She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’. – by E. Kahn

She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’ – by E. Kahn

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Before I get to the introduction and the links:

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These days, society should be respecting persons who are virgins, whether due to their choice, or because they have not been able to find a suitable partner.

We’re living in a culture that expects us to salute and respect all sexual orientations and behavior, from asexuality to homosexuality, but the same people who expect us to embrace those sexual lifestyles or orientations mock or criticize virginity or celibacy. It’s hugely hypocritical.

I would note on my blog again that leftist secularists are not the only ones who disrespect virginity and celibacy: so do many right wingers and conservative Christians – I have several blog posts with examples of that and analysis.

The following appears on the right wing site The Blaze –

(Link): She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’

-They in turn got this story from these sites:

(Link): She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’

January 26, 2016

  • A young woman who described herself as a “religious Jew” who is waiting until she’s married to have sex has a message for all of the “inevitable jerks” who think that she’s “some lonely, naive little girl” who is “stupid for believing in waiting.”
  • In a blog post published on relationship website YourTango and on the Huffington Post, Estee Kahn said that she has never seen herself as being “extreme” when it comes to her religion or values, but that many people somehow see her decision to abstain from sex in that light.
  • Noting that Jews, among many other religious adherents, believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, she said that some people have a hard time understanding why she believes that sex should be reserved for matrimony.
  • “When I explain my decision to people, they accept it — and some even praise it,” Kahn wrote. “But then there’s those inevitable jerks who think I’m some lonely, naive little girl and that I’m stupid for believing in waiting. I even get this from Jewish men, too.”

Continue reading “She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’. – by E. Kahn”

Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer

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Reminder:

(Link): Blogger Guy John Morgan Who Accused Me Of Being Untrustworthy Finds My Blog Trustworthy Enough to Use as Resource

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These are just excerpts, so you’ll have to visit the link here to read the page in full:

(Link): Bible Scandals (Ineligible Bachelor) by David Instone-Brewer

Commenting on what it was like to be single in the time and culture of Jesus:

  • …. Girls were mostly married by the age of twelve, and if a man wasn’t married by the age of twenty the gossips started comparing notes and looking for a reason.
  • …. So why was Jesus still single at the age of thirty? It was clear to all who knew him. No-one would let his daughter marry someone of questionable parentage since, if there was any irregularity in their birth, it could cast doubt on the legitimacy of their children for ten generations. And Jesus’ birth, as everyone knew, was very irregular.
  • …. Jesus not only shared the stigma of being single – he also tried to do something to alleviate it for other single people. Jewish law excused eunuchs from the command to marry, because they couldn’t physically fulfil the duty to have children.

Continue reading “Jesus Christ Removed the Stigma, Shame From Being Single and Childless – by David Instone Brewer”

What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)

What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME)

This article (see link to it much farther below) primarily focuses on Jews and Mormons, but it is still very interesting, and I think has things to say about other religious types.

I have done previous posts about the shortage of single adult men among Mormons (Link): here.

There is an interactive map on the page (the TIME article linked to below), where, if you run your mouse over it, right above it, it will tell you the ratio of men to women in your city.

One thing I think that is contributing to why Baptist, evangelical, and other Christian women are staying single so long – among the ones who want to marry – is the Christian belief in “equally yoked,” where Christians pressure Christian women to marry only Christian men.

I’ve already chucked that teaching aside a few years ago, but am not ready to date just yet. Whenever I do start dating again, this time, I am fully open and prepare to date Non-Christian men.

There really are no Christian men to date, and many of the ones who are self professing believers are creeps – serial rapists, killers, etc. (see (Link): this list on my blog for examples). If a Christian woman wants to marry these days, she will really have no choice BUT to marry an atheist or some other sort of Non-Christian.

(Link):  Sorry, ladies, there really is a man shortage (New York Post)

(Link): What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) by J. Birger

  • Believe it or not, the rise in Mormon breast implants and $100,000 Jewish dowries can explain why you’re alone on Friday night
  • Values.
  • That’s the one thing that always came up when I’d discuss theories on declining marriage rates or the rise of the hookup culture with my friends or family.
  • “Couldn’t it just be that times have changed?” people would ask.
  • Times have changed, and that is a good thing—especially the fading-away of cruel taboos that once stigmatized women who engaged in premarital sex or bore children out of wedlock.
  • Thing is, times change for a reason. The values question assumes that sexual mores loosen naturally from conservative to liberal. In reality, these values have ebbed and flowed throughout history, often in conjunction with prevailing sex ratios.
  • Today, mainstream dating guides tell the everything-going-for-her career woman it’s her fault she’s still single—she just needs to play hard to get or follow a few simple rules to snag Mr. Right. But the problem is a demographic one.
  • Multiple studies show that college-educated Americans are increasingly reluctant to marry those lacking a college degree. This bias is having a devastating impact on the dating market for college-educated women. Why?
  • According to 2012 population estimates from the U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey, there are 5.5 million college-educated women in the U.S. between the ages of 22 and 29 versus 4.1 million such men. That’s four women for every three men. Among college grads age 30 to 39, there are 7.4 million women versus 6.0 million men—five women for every four men.
  • It’s not that He’s Just Not That Into You—it’s that There Just Aren’t Enough of Him.
  • Lopsided gender ratios don’t just make it statistically harder for college-educated women to find a match. They change behavior too. According to sociologists, economists and psychologists who have studied sex ratios throughout history, the culture is less likely to emphasize courtship and monogamy when women are in oversupply. Heterosexual men are more likely to play the field, and heterosexual women must compete for men’s attention.
  • Of course, tales of scarce men and sexual permissiveness in ancient Sparta won’t convince everyone, so I began to explore the demographics of modern religion. I wanted to show that god-fearing folks steeped in old-fashioned values are just as susceptible to the effects of shifting sex ratios as cosmopolitan, hookup-happy 20-somethings who frequent Upper East Side wine bars.
  • Eventually I hit pay dirt.

Continue reading “What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue)”

Divorced From My Husband, and My Faith by Tova Mirvis – Also: Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+

Divorced From My Husband, and My Faith by Tova Mirvis – Also: Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+

This lady is Jewish. I found myself relating to it. Some of the things she says, I think, are true of most American women, while others are true of Christian women too.

Several of her comments about how marriage and women are viewed in Judaism (or her particular branch of Judaism) sound very similar to the experiences of women in American evangelicalism, Reformed Christianity, fundamentalism, and Baptists.

I have a few observations to make about this excerpt farther below.

(Link): Divorced From My Husband, and My Faith by Tova Mirvis

Excerpts.

    …It felt impossible that any of them could understand why, a month shy of my 40th birthday, after almost 17 years of marriage and three children, I had upended the foundations of my life. I was barely able to believe it myself.

    ….I had been raised in an Orthodox Jewish family, had lived my life as an Orthodox Jew.

    …It was best not to speak of such things. Amid the vast number of religious rules, there were other ones, enforced not by God but by the community. I learned to swallow dissent. To observe the rules was to be good, and to be good was to be loved. It was what let you stay inside a community, surrounded by family so that, if the world’s spinning were halted for one moment, and a finger placed on one small spot, you could say: I belong here.

    I stayed inside. I followed the rules. I got engaged at the age of 22, after a blind date and a dozen weeks of dating. I was a senior in college, he in law school. We were of the same world, and fell quickly, easily in love. Nowhere was there room to say, I don’t yet know myself, let alone you.

    But there was no guarantee, as life moved forward, that we would remain the same as we were then.

    Years later, the people who had shouted “mazel tov” at our wedding asked “What happened?” They wanted to hear the black and white explanation, not about the myriad shades of experience that move people apart. To get divorced was to shatter the wishful belief that to be Orthodox was to shield yourself from the discontent and disappointment that invaded marriages in the outside world.

    But it was hard, impossible really, to explain what went wrong, how in my marriage I eventually felt like the street performers I’d once seen, who fold themselves inside impossibly small boxes, contorting arms over legs, so that a body occupies such little space.

    As I stood before the rabbis, the divorce document was deemed correct, and read aloud, in Aramaic, dated the year 5772 from the creation of the world, in the city of Boston, by the Ocean Atlantic. I, Tova Aliza, the daughter of Dovid Moshe, was released from the house of my husband, to have authority over myself.

    At the sound of the door closing behind me, the divorce took effect. So did something new inside me. One separation made way for another. The divorce, I realized, was from more than my husband — it was also a break with a way of life with which I had long wrestled, in which I did not sufficiently believe.

    When I was summoned back inside, I was apprised of my new status in Jewish law as a divorcée. I was told I couldn’t be alone in a room with my former husband. I couldn’t drive alone in a car with him between cities or live in the same apartment building. I couldn’t remarry for 90 days. I couldn’t marry a man of the ancient priestly caste.

    I listened politely, but looked at the rabbis differently now, not as men who stood in authority over me, but as people I once knew. I had no illusions about the path before me:
    I was leaving a world in which so much is predetermined, leaving a marriage that I entered into when I was newly an adult.

    I was like an astronaut severed from his ship, floating in space. And yet, after years of wrestling, doubting, justifying and chafing, I was ready to discover for myself a life in which I could fully believe.

You’ll notice the woman who wrote this addresses a few things I’ve mentioned before in older blog posts.

One reason of several I don’t think people should marry prior to reaching age 25 is that people – women in particular – have no idea who they are.

This is especially true for women raised in certain faith traditions, which teach codependency as being “biblical gender roles,” which includes, in part, teaching females that they are “number two” in a marriage, the husband has final decision-making ability and veto power, women should go through life in a passive mindset, never taking charge of their own life, never getting their own needs met, putting other people’s needs first, they are to act as a “help meet” to the spouse (as interpreted by many conservative Christians as the wife helping her husband achieve HIS dreams, HIS goals, etc).

All of that is sure as hell true of Reformed, Baptist, fundamentalist, and evangelical Christians, and based on this woman’s story, it sounds like it is true of Orthodox Judaism as well.

If you are a woman who is raised that way, sooner or later – probably by age 40 (for some women, it might be age 30, or later, by 50), you realize what an absolute bunch of bullshit all this is, you realize you have no damn clue WHO YOU ARE because you were never told, never permitted, to figure out who YOU are and what YOU want to do with YOUR life.

Continue reading “Divorced From My Husband, and My Faith by Tova Mirvis – Also: Why It May Be Wiser For Women to Enter First Marriage At Age 40+”

Forced Child Marriages in Canadian Jewish Cult

Forced Child Marriages in Canadian Jewish Cult

h/t to The Friendly Atheist blog, which is where I first heard of this.

Not sure if I should weep or laugh that nutty views about family and children and procreation and such are not limited to Neo Reformed, Baptist, Evangelical, and Fundamentalist forms of Christianity but span to other religious faith traditions.

God only knows what type of demented, sexist crap this group taught about females – most religious groups blame and shame women, blame them for causing male sexual sin WHILE exploiting the females sexually (religious guys tend to be big hypocrites in this area, in other words).

(Link): ‘Jewish Taliban’ Lev Tahor Sect who Kept Girls in Basement Charged with Sexual Abuse

Excerpt:

    According to the documents, girls as young as 13 were imprisoned in basements and girls aged 14-15 were married to old men in the group. One woman said she was struck with a belt and a coat hanger and a pregnant 17-year-old girl said she was beaten by her brother, sexually abused by her father and married by force to a 30-year-old man when she was 15.

Continue reading “Forced Child Marriages in Canadian Jewish Cult”