Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

I was originally alerted to this article by Janet Mefferd on Twitter, so hat tip to her.

Overall a good editorial, though I do not agree with the writer that Heb. 10 is a “command” for people to attend church (see this post).

She raises many of the same points I have raised on this blog the last couple of years, references some of the same books and links I have before.

Edit. I just realized that Ms. Mefferd discussed the following article (linked to below) on her radio program, and you can listen to her discuss it in an archived version of her show here (the same show also discusses the problem of pornography):

(Link): Janet Mefferd Show-4/10/2014

(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by by Gina Dalfonzo

A few excerpts:

In an age of rising singlehood, many churches are still focused on being family ministry centers.

There are the well-meaning ladies who ask you about your husband and children and, when you say you don’t have any, suddenly run out of things to say to you.

There are the women’s Bible studies scheduled on weekday mornings, because aren’t all church women (Link): married homemakers?

There are the (Link): sermons and activities directed exclusively at families.

There are the pastors who fault the single men for not getting married, even if they’ve tried, and who (Link): seem to think that singles are marked out for some terrible fate.

There are the Christians who tell you that (Link): life doesn’t start until you’re married. Or that you can’t really understand what love is because you’re single and childless. Never mind that this goes directly against the Christian faith, which teaches that God is the source of all love and that everyone — regardless of marital status! — can know that love.

    Churches are so committed to the idea of a family-centered church that they’re just not sure how to handle rising rates of singleness.

There are the people who talk about singles in the church as a problem. There are the people who say you’re (Link): “too picky” if you have any standards at all.

There are the people who hint that you couldn’t get a spouse because you’re not spiritual enough or because God is trying to punish you for something.

And then there are my favorites: the people who helpfully point out that there’ll be no one to look after you in your old age. (Thanks for reminding me once again of that topic that has so often kept me lying awake into the small hours!)

In a nutshell, there are a lot of nice, well-intentioned Christian married people who say cruel, insensitive, or misguided things to and about single people….

Please read the rest of her post here:
(Link): Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by by Gina Dalfonzo
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

(Link):  Welcoming Singles Into Your Church by E. Metaxas via Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine

(Link): Unmarried and Undaunted by G. Dalfonzo

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear

(Link): Married Couple Almost Starve Adopted 8 Year Old To Death – you don’t have to achieve perfection or sinlessness before God will send you a spouse

(Link): The Problem with Platitudes – for Christian single over 35 years old never married

(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1

(Link): Stop telling single women they’re fabulous! by S. Eckel

(Link): Myths About Never Married Adults Over Age 40

(Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)

(Link): Are Christian Singles The New Second Class Christian? by Duke Taber

(Link): “Family-ing” Single Adults by D. Franck – How Churches Can Minister to Single Adults

(Link): Unmarried America: How Single Adults Are Changing the Face of the U.S. and What It Means for the Church by R. Hurst

(Link): The Singles Challenge ( Single Christian over 35 years old never married )

(Link): So There Are More Single People, but It’s Still a Couples’ World (article)

(Link): Study: People today living alone more than ever before

(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage

(Link): Preachers and Christian Media Personalities: Re: Marriage – You’re missing the point stop trying to argue or shame singles into getting married

(Link): How Christians and Churches Can Be of Help to Older Singles (copy)

(Link): Ministering to the Unmarried by Noel Cameron

(Link): Why People Don’t Go To Church (various links and testimonies March 2014)

(Link): The World Does Not Need More Marriage Sermons – They Don’t Stop Divorce or Get People Married

(Link): Churches Ignoring The Olds: Increasing Population of Senior Citizens In America – Yet Churches Keep Obsessing About Kids and 20 Somethings

(Link): The Obligatory, “Oh, but if you’re single you can still benefit from my marriage sermon” line

(Link): Power Point, Boring Churches, It’s all about Jesus, Church Quitters, No Community, Selfish Preachers, Churches As Stalkers / (Re: Why Some Drop Out of Church)

(Link): The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME

(Link): If Family Is Central, Christ Is Not

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Link): A Critique Of, More Singles Commentary by Mark Driscoll (“Two Mistakes Singles Make”)

(Link): More married women are not having children, U.S. study finds – this will throw a monkey wrench into conservative Christian plans

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Never Married Adult Woman Says Married Friends Did Not Help Her When She Was Sick

(Link): The Myth of the Gift – Regarding Christian Teachings on Gift of Singleness and Gift of Celibacy

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

(Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

(Link): There is No Such Thing as a Gift of Singleness or Gift of Celibacy or A Calling To Either One

(Link): The Gift of Singleness – A Mistranslation and a Poorly Used Cliche’

(Link): Gift of Singleness Gift of Celibacy Unbiblical – Those Terms and Teachings Contribute to Fornication / Editorial About Sex Surrogates

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Cultural, Church, Christian and Secular Discrimination Against Childless and Childfree Women – and link to an editorial by a Childless Woman

(Link): Single Christian Women Have No Protection according to some preachers – only married women have protection

(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Are There Any Protestant or Baptist Singles – Friendly Churches or Denominations ? / Singles Single Adult Childfree Childless Age 30 40 50 Christian

(Link): Some strands of patriarchy and Christian gender complementarianism teaching: adult singles are not full human beings, not fully in the image of God – you must marry and/or have children to fully reflect God until then you are sub human (Why Christians and singles should be concerned about the gender role debates)

(Link): Christian Patriarchy Group: God Demands You Marry and Have Babies to Defeat Paganism and Satan. Singles and the Childless Worthless (in this worldview).

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

(Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)

(Link): According to Pastor – Jimmy Evans – It Takes One Man and Woman Married To Equal A Whole – so where does that leave Christian singles ? / Too Much Sex Talk | Making Marriage into an Idol Marriage Idolatry Anti Singles Singlehood Singleness Unmarried Bias Prejudice

(Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles

(Link): Singles Shaming at The Vintage church in Raleigh – Singlehood Shaming / Celibate Shaming

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

(Link): Male Preacher Marries For First Time At Age 44

(Link): The Bible Calls Christians to Make Individual Disciples, Not to “Change Culture” Nor to Save, Redeem Culture Nor to Save or Promote Marriage or Manufacture Christianized Entertainment

(Link): Why Stay-at-Home Moms Are More Depressed Than Working Moms (article) -Intersting- yet Christians hold up Motherhood (especially SAHM – Stay At Home Mommydom) as Being a Woman’s Only Godly, Worthwhile, or Legitimate Calling In Life

(Link): When Mormonism Sounds Like Gender Complementarian Christianity – Also: Man Shortage in Mormonism Just Like Christianity

(Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article)

(Link): Response to the Hemingway Editorial ‘Fecundophobia’ – conservatives and Christians continue to idolize children, marriage – which is unbiblical

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group Teaching That There Will Be Marriage in Afterlife and That Women Must Submit To Males in Heaven (post at Spiritual Sounding Board)

Interesting Links Re Christianity and Gender Roles (A.K.A. Church and Christian Approved Sexism)

Interesting Links Re Christianity and Gender Roles (AKA Church and Christian Approved Sexism)

This is a very good editorial:
(Link): Feminism vs Egalitarianism

(Link): Friday Challenge: Guess The Year [‘How Feminine Am I’ sexist and out-dated check list used by Baptist churches] – Stuff Fundies Like blog

Next link. Regarding the nutso Quiverfull-ish, Doug Phillips, Vision Forusm-ish sexist beliefs of treating women like unthinking chattel and keeping them at home with their fathers, even if they don’t marry into adulthood:

(Link): Sleeping Beauty and the Five Questions, Part 1: Blurring the Lines (TBB) – from Scarlet Letters blog

Excerpts

    My main concern, however, with the vision of SAHD [Stay At Home Daughters] laid out in [Phillips’ version of] Sleeping Beauty is that it seems to progressively break down healthy boundaries in father-daughter relationships.

    … In Sleeping Beauty, however, it becomes clear that “helpmeet” is only one example of a more extensive terminology shift. Fathers are said to “court” and “woo” their daughters and ultimately “win their hearts.”

(Link): Dan Kirby Kopp, 45, was found guilty of beating his wife with a spoon [for not addressing him as “sir” and other stupid crap]

    The video shows Kopp showing her [his wife] the spoon and giving her a ‘count of three to comply’ with his demand of addressing him with a ‘yes, sir’ in front of the couple’s children.

    He is also heard threatening to ‘cast the demons out of her’ next time she disobeyed him.

(Link): “A Year of Biblical Womanhood” Genre Cheat Sheet Rachel Held Evans’ blog

I don’t agree with what appears to be that blog’s rejection of biblical sexual ethics, or disregard for people who have remained virgins into adulthood, in favor of sugarcoating biblical sexual teachings so as to soothe the consciences of women who say they feel shamed or get hurt hearing that pre-marital sex is sinful according to the Bible, but I do agree with the blog’s disdain for biblical gender complementarianism.

Guest comments at that page (and I agree with these comments):

    My favourite is their “committee” page [the writer may be referring to the gender complementarian group CBMW] where each women’s career is labelled “homemaker” and then proceeds to list all the conferences she will be attending for the next 12 months – I added up one of the women’s ‘away’ dates and figured the only way she could be a ‘homemaker’ was if she lived in a motor home.

And:

    Christina Steve Dawson • 7 hours ago −

    I suspect this is true. Otherwise they would have noticed years ago the irony of women building careers in which they travel, write, and speak, all for the purpose of convincing other women not to have careers.

And

    Rachel Held Evans Mod Christina • 7 hours ago −

    Oh my gosh! This DRIVES ME CRAZY! I went to this “biblical womanhood” conference a couple years ago where many of the attendees were professional women with careers. And the speaker – a professional woman herself – proceeded to dis on feminism as an anti-biblical worldview…starting with second wave feminism and using Mary Tyler Moore as an example of a first step away from biblical womanhood. It was so confusing

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Related posts this blog

(Link): Christian Culture and Daddy Daughter Dates

Link Round Up: Christian gender double standards on sexual purity, More Craptastic Relationship, Sex, Marriage Advice by Christians for Singles, Lousy and Abusive Mothers, Roman Catholics on Priest Celibacy, Male Fertility – Other Topics

Link Round Up: More Craptastic Relationship, Sex, Marriage Advice by Christians for Singles

There have been several web pages published over the last few weeks, and I don’t have the interest in blogging separately about each one, so here are several of them lumped in to one blog post.

LINK ROUND UP

Stupid advice, cliched:
(Link): James Bond: An Icon in Infidelity

Heart is in right place, but some stupid advice:
(Link): 5 Bible Verses to Comfort Struggling Singles

(Link): Vatican Official Says Priest Celibacy Is Open to Discussion, Possible Modification

(Link): Catholic University Sparks Controversy for Student-Led Workshop on Sex Acts

(Link): CHILDREN ‘CELEBRATE’ MOTHER’S DEATH IN UNUSUAL OBITUARY BRANDING HER AS CRUEL, ABUSIVE

(Link): Mom’s sexy ‘selfies’ ban: Is there a different standard for girls?

(Link): Study: Choose Dads With Smaller ‘Nads – When it comes to family jewels, bigger is not always better

(Link): David Attenborough: Don’t Have Large Families

If I find any more links in my bookmarks, I’ll add those later.

About the links, in more detail:

This was originally posted at “Every Man’s Ministries” but republished at “The Christian Post” and is chock full of naive, unrealistic sex and dating advice to single Christian males:

(Link): James Bond: An Icon in Infidelity

Here are some excerpts, that will make you cringe – by the way, I’m still a virgin in my early 40s, so apparantly God does not have a “beautiful plan for my sex life,” what in the hell is this guy talking about:

    James Bond: An Icon in Infidelity

    How Do You Avoid the License to Thrill?

    Flee.

    Run.

    Do like Joseph and make like the wind and blow out of there.

    God’s Beautiful Plan For Your Sex Life

    You know what women really want? Do you?

    A righteous man. I call him “God’s man.” Women will throw themselves at you if you demonstrate self-control, respect and Godly love for your body and hers. And, once you have found “the one” to be your wife, you will see the beautiful plan God has for your sex life. It’s more amazing than anything you can imagine — a union between man, woman and God.

    It takes maturity to handle this responsibility. Infidelity (contrary to the Hollywood version) is a sign of immaturity and a man who does not have the character to meet the demands a committed relationship. The head scratcher in all of this is how women roll with it, are codependent with it, play into, get hurt by it, endorse it, and let themselves suffer it at every level.

His advice about “running away” from temptation while citing the story of Joseph to boot? This horrible advice is actually detrimental to singles who desire marriage and keeps them single indefinitely: see the book “Singled Out” by Bonnie Field for an explanation of that, though I have discussed that problem in posts on this blog before.

(In a nut shell:

What you do is teach the genders to have self control in each other’s company, not to “flee” from the opposite gender at the first sign of sexual turn on or attraction.

This type of teaching, which amounts to “fear the opposite sex or possibility of fornication,” sets the unmarried up to be afraid of the opposite gender, Christian men will start to view Christian women as pieces of meat or as mere body parts with sexual organs (as temptresses, not as full blown humans in their own right), singles don’t learn to develop boundaries, since they have no practice at it, etc, and it leads to many other problems which keeps Christian singles single forever.)

Continue reading “Link Round Up: Christian gender double standards on sexual purity, More Craptastic Relationship, Sex, Marriage Advice by Christians for Singles, Lousy and Abusive Mothers, Roman Catholics on Priest Celibacy, Male Fertility – Other Topics”

Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

About two weeks ago, after Thabiti Anyabwile of the Gospel Coalition published a blog page going on about how homosexual sexual acts are (to paraphrase him) “gag worthy,” Christians, particularly emergents, went into an uproar over it, saying how insensitive Anyabwile was being.

A few atheists, whose pastimes include commenting on Christian culture online, also wrote about it to condemn it. Here are a few examples:

(Link): Gag Me – by Michael Kimpan (identifies as Christian)

This is by an atheist (I will not link to his page because I do not want a track back link to appear):

1. Christian Pastor: If We Describe Gay Sex to People, They’ll Turn Against Homosexuality!, by Hema Mehta (identifies as atheist).
The URL is
patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/08/21/christian-pastor-if-we-describe-gay-sex-to-people-theyll-turn-against-homosexuality/

2. (Link): Responding to homophobia in the Christian community – Rachel Held Evans
(Evans identifies as Christian; she typically blogs against sexual purity / virginity teachings for hetero people, and in favor of showing sensitivity, that in my opinion, borders on full- on acceptance and celebration of homosexuality; I am unclear if she supports homosexuality itself)

3. (Link) Your Gagging Isn’t Loving , from “Alise Write” blog

The current “Alise Write” blog link is not working; try the Cached Page (“Your Gagging Is Not Loving”)

I assume that Alise considers herself a Christian, and she seems to self-identify as “gay affirming.”

There are two issues I take with all the hand-wringing or outrage over the Anyabwile blog page, or any time the liberals and emergents have a fit over any Christian who says or writes anything about homosexuality in less than fully glowing, supportive terms.

First of all, the Bible calls all unmarried people to refrain from having sex, so whether hetero or homosexual, if one claims to be a Christian, one should not be having sex outside of marriage anyway.

Ergo, I’m not sure how pertinent it was for Anyabwile to go into detail about homosexual sex acts (and you bet your sweet bippy he sure did), but it was also not very relevant for the emergents or “gay affirmers” to spaz out over it, either.

I read Anyabwile’s page only once, but so far as I recall, he did not condemn anyone for having SSA (same sex attraction) or homosexual urges/ attractions, but only seemed to criticize them for acting upon those desires (e.g., men actually having anal sex, for instance).

As Christians have believed for centuries that sex outside of marriage is wrong, since that is what the Bible says on the topic, why would anyone disagree with Anyabwile for supporting celibacy for unmarried people, or, to state it in the converse, for not supporting sexual acts outside of marriage?

You can read the blog page that started the kerfuffle here:
(Link): The Importance of Your Gag Reflex When Discussing Homosexuality and “Gay Marriage” by Anyabwile

Anyabwile wrote a follow up here (which I have not read yet):
(Link): On Homosexuality and the Conscience: Responding to Criticisms

My second point.

What I continue to see are emergent, liberal, or overly sensitive, politically correct, conservative Christians clucking in concern over hurting the feelings of homosexuals, but these same groups are fine with attacking virginity among hetero Christians, or virginal Christians themselves.

See, for example, (posts this blog):
(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

I have yet to see an emergent Christian, liberal Christian, or sensitive conservative Christian, support virginity until marriage as concept (for anyone who is still a virgin past age 25 – 30), or to actually support actual Christian virgins themselves (e.g., churches encouraging families to “adopt” older singles for the holidays so they don’t have to spend holidays alone; spending as much money on singles church services as they do for youth; there are no sermons about singleness, but many on marriage, etc).

On the contrary, the emergents and others – who claim to be Christian – routinely write blog pages criticizing biblical, sexual purity and virginity teachings and morality, blathering on about how “hurtful” they are to women. 🙄

As far as I am concerned, it is a double standard and hypocritical for Christians to clutch their pearl necklaces in concern that a homosexual’s feelings might be hurt over a blog post that talks about “gag reflexes,” or that mentions homosexual acts are sinful, but then sit around, as they do, offending me (an older Christian virgin, who is hetero) by repeatedly stomping all over biblical sexual ethics, and saying virginity means nothing, is over-rated, or is a judgmental concept that Christians should rid themselves of.

This gets into the general problem I have with Christians and hypocrisy in the realm of compassion:

Just as some Christians will only show empathy for starving African orphans or homeless crack addicts, but will judge and condemn the “Average Joe” Christian who is going through a nasty divorce, a cancer scare, or a death in the family, the emergents and touchie-feelie-for-homosexual Christians (sometimes they are one in the same), only extend compassion and respect for one group – homosexuals being criticized by Christians – but show none for mature virginal Christians who are and have been criticized by Christians. I have written about this before:
(Link): To Get Any Attention or Support from a Church These Days you Have To Be A Stripper, Prostitute, or Orphan

Here is a thoughtful response that critiques Rachel Held Evan’s post (by Jeff G.):
(Link): Rachel Held Evans – Is the gag reflex a legitimate moral compass?

I agree with Jeff G’s critique in that RHE was incorrect in hers to suggest it is wrong to define an entire group of people based upon their sexual acts, when in fact, that is what many vocal homosexuals in the “rights” groups have been doing to and for themselves for decades now. Quoting Jeff G:

    Again, if Anyabwile were really saying this it would indeed be problematic. Nowhere does he suggest that copulation fully defines homosexuals any more than it defines heterosexuals. Ironically, it is the GLBTQ community itself that has posited sex acts and sexuality as the basis of identity differentiation.

As for the homosexuality debate itself, I do not trust or respect the militants. Please note I used the term “militants.”

I don’t have a problem with ordinary homosexuals who simply live out their lives quietly like the rest of us, but I am talking about the intolerant ones who are consumed with forcing their views and sexuality on to other people.

Here are a few reasons below why I do not support, respect, or agree with the militant homosexuality supporters or the movement itself; has Rachel Held Evans, the Friendly Atheist, or any other “gay affirming” emergents condemned this sort of behavior by homosexual activists? If not, why not?

(Link): NSFW photos, adult males nude engaged in sex acts in public – Folsom Street Homosexual Fair in San Fran, from Zombie’s blog
(NOTE: the link I am giving you above will send you to a “warning” page that asks you to click a certain link if you are age 18 or above; there is no nudity on that particular page itself)

(Link): Gay Couple to Sue Church of England to Force It to Perform Gay Weddings (Coming soon to America?)

(Link): How “Gay Rights” is Being Sold to America

(Link): Americans For Truth About Homosexuality

Dan Savage is a homosexual activist:

(Link): Anti-bullying advocate Dan Savage wishes cancer on Sarah Palin

(Link): It gets better? ‘Anti-bullying’ bully Dan Savage bashes ‘batsh*t’ Bachmann; Heal thyself, dude

(Link): Stand Up to Dan Savage’s Bullying

(Link): Dan Savage Bullies Christian Teens in Speech at Anti-Bullying Conference, Says to Ignore “Bull****” in the Bible
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Related links this blog:

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position
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Related post, off site:

(Link): Same-Sex Marriage and the Single Christian – How marriage-happy churches are unwittingly fueling same-sex coupling—and leaving singles like me in the dust.

Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

This is page one of five pages:

(Link): Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

In my view, the most interesting page was this one:

(Link): Page 2: The first question on the survey asked, “What are one or two things the church is doing that discourages you in addressing the topic of singleness?”

Though I disagree with items on page 2 such as this one:

    13. Unwillingness to combat evil cultural ideals produced by sexual revolution and feminism

Le sigh. Feminism is not totally to blame for all relationship ills among Christians; I addressed that here:
(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Nor do I agree with these points:

    15. Letting the cultural ideal of career planning supersede marriage

    16. Missing the mark of God-centered marriage of Ephesians 5 with male headship and female submission

Number 15 hints at people who push early marriage – the weenies who think all Christians should marry at age 18 or 20. See: (Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by A. Moore (editorial) and (Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

Number 16 – aside from the fact I’m an egalitarian, as I’ve written about before, these “biblical gender roles” (which are not biblical) keep the genders apart and is one reason there is a tidal wave of singles in the church who want to be married but can’t even get a date.

A few points from page two that I did relate with:

    5. Use of cliches that fall far short of addressing singleness

    9. Misbelief that unmarried are less mature than married

    17. Celebrating only wedding and births but not significant events of singles

    19. Making promises they can’t guarantee such as “You’ll find the right guy,” etc.

    20. Ignoring the topic altogether

    21. Unwillingness to host a singles-only event

    24. Thinking contentment in God and having a desire for marriage are mutually exclusive

    26. Treating singles as asexual

    35. Enforcing too many boundaries and rules to friendships between men and women

    36. Young Christian men suffering from lack of confidence and fear of rejection

    38. Married people valuing friendship with other married people over single people

(Link): Read that whole list here (page 2)

As to this point:

    26. Treating singles as asexual

There are two strains of thought among Christians on this issue.

Some Christians either think of older, never-married Christians as asexual (or lacking sexual desire), or, conversely, they think we are horny horn dogs who have sex with 567 different partners every night, when we’re not bedding married men.

In the world of conservative Christianity, older single Christians are either thought of as
1. Madonnas or as Whores, or, to put it another way, as
2. sexless or lust-filled, randy bed hoppers.

The truth for a lot of Christian singles is somewhere in-between both caricatures.

There is also a page 3, 4, and a 5 and the Justcor blog about singleness.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: They’re One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups and Gender Hang Ups – other Links

Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups

Link 1. From Christian Post:
(Link 1): How Do You Know If You Were Supposed to Marry Your Spouse?

Link 2. Yeah, good luck with that – I’ve already given up on the “virginity until marriage” propaganda spewed out by Christians.

(Link 2): 5,000 Venezuelan Youths Attend Luis Palau Fest; Thousands Commit to Sexual Purity

    By Jessica Martinez , CP Contributor
    July 11, 2013

    Some 45,000 people attended a youth festival hosted by evangelist Luis Palau in Venezuela last weekend, with thousands committing to sexual purity until marriage during the event.

    Festival goers descended upon the bicentennial fairgrounds of Barquisimeto, Venezuela, for Juventud Libre 2013, where Palau preached about faith and change under the theme, “Venezuela, open your heart to hope.” The event focused on offering an optimistic outlook for the nation’s future in light of its current political and social unrest, which caused 4,000 youths to dedicate their lives to God while the crowd chanted “yes to sexual purity.”

Link 3 discusses:

Churches depicting women (even married ones, so that’s a refreshing change of pace, usually it’s the singles) as sexual temptresses, and, in another rarity, one church instructs males to keep their shirts buttoned up (usually it’s the females who get the insipid “modesty” lectures), and sexual hang-ups by various churches are addressed.

I don’t condone abuse or neglect of women or children, but, I do have to commend this one Christian cult for at least pointing out that motherhood has been made into an idol by some Christians; they are at least right on that score.

(Link 3): Spiritual Abuse in Churches From book about Church abuse; author made the whole book available for free online.

    Chapter 7

    …Women of C-U ministries were totally submissive to males and were barred from leadership or decision-making roles, as well as from work outside the home. Pam says that, “It got to the point where what I had to say usually got suppressed because I knew it was a waste of time to discuss it. I’d lose.”

    …Unfortunately, the harshness of the discipline extended to the children as well. Pam says, “I could cry over some of the spankings they received. Bruised bottoms. They were even calloused.”

    … In December of 1987, ten-year-old Aaron Norman died as result of medical neglect and a beating administered by his father and Doug Kleber. The boy suffered from juvenile diabetes but his parents did not obtain medical care for him, preferring to rely on the healing power of prayer.

    When his physical condition worsened and prayer did not seem to be effective, elders of the church were consulted to determine what the problem was.

    According to a story in the June 21, 1988 issue of the Chicago Tribune, the elders determined that Aaron had sinned. The sin was masturbation, but Aaron would not confess to the sin.

    His father decided to spank Aaron with a board because the Holy Spirit had told him that he had been masturbating. As the Spokane County deputy prosecutor stated, “His father and the elders ‘rebuked’ Aaron to confess, but he wouldn’t. Aaron’s father and Kleber then beat the child . . . A wooden paddle was used at some point until Aaron confessed. On Sunday morning when his parents awoke, Aaron was dead. There were severe bruises on his buttocks.”

    [Regarding another wacko church:]

    …Like many other abusive churches, the Two-by-Two’s impose a restrictive and rigorous life-style on the membership. Women adherents shun makeup and wear long, uncut hair wrapped tightly in buns on the tops of their heads. Jewelry is proscribed, while plain dresses are the norm. Slacks, shorts, and sleeveless blouses are forbidden in public.

    They submit to the men of the group who tend to wear dark-colored clothes and carry black-covered King James Versions of the Bible. Marriages are performed by civil authorities only, since church “workers” do not register with state officials.

    Conformity to a strict life-style is expected of all children and young people in the Truth. They are discouraged from participating in after-school sports and other social activities. Their circle of friends does not extend beyond the group.

    Continue reading “Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups and Gender Hang Ups – other Links”

How About the Celibates? Christian Publications Continue to Spaz About Unmarried Christians Having Sex | (And a Link Dump)

How About the Celibates? Christian Publications Continue to Spaz About Unmarried Christians Having Sex – (Also in the post, links to various articles)

Not only are most Christian publications continually freaking out about un-married Christians who are doing the nasty (ie, having sex), but one Christian personality, Timothy Keller, goes so far as to bizarrely suggest that any and all struggles a person has with his or her faith is due to fornication (link below).

Notice that most of these Christian links below about sexuality and virginity are geared towards “youth.”

Christians past age 30 who are virgins who have sexual desire, who want to be married and having sex but marriage is not happening, are not discussed or addressed.

Does the church only care about the under 25 demographic remaining sexually pure? Is it okay with other Christians for me to have sexy sex now that I’m age 40+ and still not married?

The impression I get is that the church only cares about under- 25s or under- 30s abstaining, and the church just sort of gives up on you if you’re still not married at 30. I guess I can take this as indirect approval that I can have sex now, thanks American Christian culture for the pass!

Note that for every article Christian pastors and magazines devote to un-married Christians who are having sex, they are further and further pushing Christian celibates away.

When oh when will I begin to see such breathless devotion to Christians who are celibate get mentions or get featured prominently on the cover of “Christianity Today” every so often? Why do those who are sinning (i.e., the fornicators, and those fornicators who are under age 25 / 30) get all the attention from preachers and Christian publishers?

Here are the links:

(LINK): ‘Who Are You Sleeping With?’ My Conversation with Timothy Keller

Rachel Held Evans gave Keller the smack down at her blog (rightfully so – I mean who the hell seriously ascribes any and all skepticism to fornication?):

(Link): Is Doubt An STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease)?

(Link): Tim Keller, Rachel Held Evans, and the Virginity of Young Christians

(Link): The Gospel and Sex by Tim Keller

(Link): The Sex Lives of Unmarried Evangelicals From Christianity Today

(Link): There’s Too Much Sex Talk in Fundy Land (Re Christian Fundamentalists)

An entire site by Christians about sex – sex and the Gospel:

(Link): Sex and the Gospel – A Biblical View of Sex

(Link): Sex and the Gospel Conference to Teach ‘Foundation of God Sex’

Sex Shouldn’t Be Better Than Church, Says Professor

Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

I can’t say I’m in total agreement with this page. Isn’t comparing homosexuals who want marriage to straights who have messed up marriage, a sort of apples and oranges comparison? Isn’t the point for the homosexual activists to prove from the outset that a same-gender marriage is okay, not describe how straights have changed marriage for straights or messed it up?

(Link): How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage

The other link:

(Link): Late Marriage and Its Consequences

Excerpts…

    One of the useful things about the “Knot Yet” report, though, is how much it tries to tell us about the impact of delayed marriage on the lives of adult men and women.

    The simplest way to interpret this impact is suggested by the write-up the study received from the Atlantic: Great for college-educated women, pretty good for the rest of the female population, bad for men and particularly bad for working class men.

    Continue reading “Links: Delayed Marriage and How Straight People Paved the Way for Gay Marriage”