Miserable in a Marriage to a Covert Narcissist – Content by Renee Swanson – Complementarians Push People to Stay in Toxic Marriages Like This One (This Content Can Help Single Adults Too)

Miserable in a Marriage to a Covert Narcissist – Content by Renee Swanson (This Content Can Help Single Adults Too) – Complementarians Push People to Stay in Toxic Marriages Like This One

This post has been edited to add more material

It would be nice if more psychologists, therapists and lay persons wrote articles or blog posts from the vantage of how things affect single adults, but that’s not always the case.

As you know from my blog, I am a never married, middle-aged adult. Yet, I still find some content about marriage helpful in navigating or understanding my relationships with family members and friends.

This lady, Renee Swanson, has a blog, several social media channels, and a podcast about having been married to a Covert (Vulnerable) Narcissist for 21 years – in my opinion, based on what she’s written, her husband is not only a Covert Narcissist but displays elements of what is called Neglectful Narcissism (more on that below).

It looks to me as though some of Swanson’s accounts have not been updated in two or so years, but the content is still quite helpful and illuminating.

I’m going to excerpt a few of her blog posts below.

I want you to note that contrary to what extreme marriage (and parenthood and nuclear family) promoters have to say, that marriage (and parenthood, etc), does not necessarily make a person happy, safe, and secure, as Renee Swanson’s content once again demonstrates.

The person you marry, should you marry, can end up being emotionally, sexually, financially, or physically controlling, negligent, or irresponsible.

There are some personality disorders for which there is no cure, and for which the disorder is largely impervious to therapy.

Which means, should you marry someone with one of those disorders, such as severe pathological narcissism, your partner is never going to change or get better, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, or how much you do for them, love them, or pray for them.

I think that the Christian gender complementarian interpretation of the Bible is incorrect on many topics, but certainly in regards to divorce.

Many complementarian persons, churches, denominations, and pastors believe that the Bible never allows for divorce, including in cases of physical, sexual, and/or emotional abuse.

Such anti-divorce, complementarian churches and pastors frequently mistakenly teach people (usually women) who are married to abusers to simply submit more to their spouse, and that will make the mistreatment stop. Such pastors, churches, etc, are entirely ignorant about personality disorders and abuse dynamics.

If these complementarian, anti-divorce clowns spent any time at all looking up information on abuse dynamics or personality disorders, they would learn soon enough that there is nothing another person can do to fix, change, or heal an abusive or toxic person – and the spouse sure won’t be able to do it.

I’ve never married, but I’ve had family members, co-workers, bosses, friends, and acquaintances display presence of disorders or toxic behaviors, and no matter how kind and loving I was to those persons, it didn’t get their abuse of me to stop.

In each case, I either had to limit contact with the toxic person, or cut them out of my life entirely. The same should be true of marriage – you may have to limit contact with your toxic spouse (grey rocking or yellow rocking), or divorce the person.

The following blog post by Renee (the second one featured below, particularly) accurately explains many family and friendship relationships I’ve had over the course of my life.

I used to be extremely Codependent until a few years ago, and during the time I was Codependent, I often attracted Vulnerable Narcissists, or self absorbed, perpetually angry (or depressed) people, who would contact me mainly to complain to me about their problems, where they’d expect me to just listen and give empathy, something I did for many people for many years, and it left me mentally exhausted.

And those who used me as their “Free Therapist” rarely did anything to work on their own problems or their own mental health.

Such persons preferred to take their frustration, disappointment, pain, or anger in life, and phone or text me about it, and make their pain my pain.

It’s as though some of them wanted me to handle or carry their inner pain for them, so they wouldn’t have to face it or carry it themselves. But no person can do that for another person. It’s something we must each do for ourselves.

And the people dumping all their pain or anger in life on me very rarely (or never) allowed me to discuss MY pain or MY frustrations in life with THEM.

When you are a people pleaser, an emotional dependent, a Codependent, or an empath with no boundaries, you will often end up in these unfair friendships (or marriages), where you’re meeting the needs of the perpetually wounded or disordered person, but they generally refuse to meet your needs in return.

(Link):  The Narcissist’s Constant Victim Role

Excerpts:

by Renee Swanson

Covert narcissists are constant victims. Everyone has done them wrong. Everyone has injured their precious ego at some point or another.

The whole world is responsible for their anger, negativity, lack of initiative, lack of motivation, and even their lack of empathy. From the tiniest injury to the grandest, the narcissist continues to be the never-ending victim.

This causes all relationships with the narcissist to be strained and exhausting.

When the narcissist plays the victim so well, it leaves you with two roles in life. You are either the therapist or the enemy. You are either the rescuer or the perpetrator.

The trouble is that healthy people do not want to play these roles with their loved ones.

Your Role as a Therapist

Healthy individuals recognize that they cannot serve as a rescuer to their parent, spouse, adult child, friend, boss, etc. When a person is constantly relying on your approval and validation in order to feel good about themselves, this is not a healthy situation.

You are not helping them or yourself. You are not their therapist and should not serve as such. They need to be working on their own problems on their own, just as you should be with yours.

… Your Role As Enemy

… That peace, however [that you get from constantly apologizing to the Covert Narcissist], will be short-lived. There are not enough apologies in the world to satisfy the victim role of a narcissist.

Their pain comes from within, and yet they constantly look for external reasons and external solutions. Those solutions will NEVER be good enough. To stop being the perpetrator, you have to set your own boundaries and walk away.
— end excerpts —

You’ll note in this next blog post, excerpted below, how being married to this Covert Narcissist of hers, whom she refers to as Steven (not his real name) for 21 years did not bring this lady any joy or peace.

She does say in other podcasts or blog posts, and I think maybe this one, that there were a few moments of happiness with her husband here and there, but ultimately, her spouse would display his sullen, entitled, insensitive nature the majority of the time.

The thing about abusive or toxic people is that they are rarely abusive or toxic 100% of the time.

Abusive or toxic individuals have moments or days where they can be fun, loving, or considerate – so, you end up thinking the relationship is not so bad; it’s intermittent reinforcement (which I believe plays a role in “trauma bonding,” or is the basis of it) – that combined with fear and false hope can keep someone stuck in a terrible relationship for years.

Remember, just because your toxic or abusive person (family member, spouse, friend, whoever it is) occasionally acts nicely towards you, or treats you to a lovely dinner on your birthday, gifts you with a wonderful vacation or a ruby necklace, or whatever nice gesture or gift
– does not excuse or make-up for the rest of the relationship, where they are constantly invalidating you, neglecting you, nit picking you, overtly abusing you, or exploiting you!

Narcissists are known for “Love Bombing” their victims. You will waste years of your life on this person, longing to “bring back” the nice, sweet, kind funny version of them that they first put on display when you were first dating (or befriending) them, but that was a fake persona. It was never genuine.

The person who chronically invalidates or who ignores you now is the “real” them.

You’re never (permanently) getting back to that fake “nice, charming, loving” version of them again, unless they sense you are going to dump them, in which case, they will temporarily put on the “nice guy” (or the “I’m a poor, helpless victim in life, please help me, rescue me”) mask again (called “hoovering“) to “breadcrumb” you. Don’t fall for it.

(Link): How the Covert Narcissist Plays Rejection, Abandonment, and Abuse

Excerpts (you should read her ENTIRE post, not just the portion below):

by Renee Swanson

My marriage lasted almost 21 years. For most of these years, I convinced myself and the world that I had the perfect marriage. We were simply great together.

There was no other option available. The mind is powerful and can do amazing things. I truly believed that it was a match made in heaven and that he was perfect for me.

…Besides we had some really good days in between these outbursts. So I swept it under the rug every time and continued to believe that our marriage was great and wonderful.

Ever so slowly, my eyes started opening. …

America’s Best City for Singles – With the Most Unattached Women Per Capita and 55.4% of Residents Unmarried

America’s Best City for Singles – With the Most Unattached Women Per Capita and 55.4% of Residents Unmarried

(Link): This is America’s best city for singles: ‘A lot of hot women here’

March 3, 2023
By Alex Mitchell

…New research from the Thriving Center of Psychology has found that Buffalo is one of the best cities in America to be single.

The western New York metropolis has the third most single people per capita compared to other major cities, according to the survey, which relied on US census data. But it also boasts the most single women per capita of any city, and the ninth most single men.

Buffalo bachelors, especially, are cheering the favorable conditions.

…The city’s affordability is a key reason it’s good for bachelors and bachelorettes. The cost of living is 39% below New York state’s average and 5% below the nation’s as a whole, according to RentCafe, an apartment search website.

Thanks to the favorable economics, residents don’t have to couple up.

(Link): America’s best city for singles – with the most unattached women per capita and 55.4% of residents unmarried: ‘You don’t have to put in much effort’

Excerpts:

By Will Potter
March 4, 2023

America’s best city for singles has been revealed – with Buffalo, New York beating out the nation’s top metropolises to grab the number one spot.

The bachelor paradise won a glistening review in new research from the Thriving Center of Psychology, which found it boasts the most single women per capita in the country.

It also has the ninth most single men and the third most single people in general per capita, according to the data, which also found three quarters of singles struggle to find a match without using a dating app.

The Chelsea Handler Childless Woman Upset: Other Conservatives Wrongly Conflating Married Motherhood with Womanhood or Happiness, Meaning, Purpose

The Chelsea Handler Childless Woman Upset: Other Conservatives Wrongly Conflating Married Motherhood with Womanhood or with Happiness, Meaning, or Purpose

After entertainer Chelsea Handler uploaded (Link): a Tweet with a video of herself listing the numerous ways she enjoys life due to being childless – I didn’t see anything in the video mentioning abortion – a lot of other conservatives jumped to shame and scold Handler for being happy about being childless and publicly expressing that happiness.

Others have said that Handler had two or three abortions in the past. The fact that Handler previously had abortions does not change the substance of my problems with conservative reaction to Handler’s video.

I am pro-life, not pro-choice, so I don’t agree with Handler’s actions to terminate her pregnancies.

However, again, I don’t recall Handler’s “happy to be childless” video advocating abortion or mentioning anything about abortion.

I don’t think her video criticized or shamed women for being mothers or for wanting to be mothers.

The only possible, even remotely “anti motherhood” take away one can get from her video is that mothers – assuming they are good, non-abusive mothers – invest a lot of time in child-rearing, but Handler doesn’t frame it in an anti-motherhood way.

It’s Okay For Women to Be Childless at Any Age and to be Happy About Being Childless, Just Like It’s Okay For Mothers to Be Happy About Being Mothers

Handler was just showing ways she has more free time because she doesn’t have to participate in childcare – which is not the same thing as being “anti-motherhood,” or telling other women they are wrong to be mothers.

It’s perfectly fine for a woman to be single and childless and to be happy about it.

Women can and should find meaning and purpose apart from marriage and motherhood. It’s unhealthy for any person to wrap up all their happiness, meaning, or purpose into one identity, station of life, or role.

If you are a married mother, your children will grow up, move out, and seldom visit you once they’re gone. Your husband may develop dementia, abuse you, or cheat on you, so that you will be without emotional support or you will have to divorce him.
In all these situations, you will be left with yourself, by yourself, and god help you if you never forged purpose, identity, happiness, or meaning apart from a spouse and children.

There’s no reason to criticize or shame an adult, man or woman, for being single and childless and for being happy about it and posting about it.

My fellow conservatives often push motherhood (via podcasts, tweets, magazine articles, church sermons, blog posts, etc) to a loopy, creepy, fevered pitch, about how super awesome, fulfilling, and wonderful motherhood supposedly is – but goodness forbid a childless woman lists or publicizes the ways she’s happy with being childless – and do so without criticizing motherhood or mothers. That’s a huge double standard.

I also didn’t agree with Handler’s mockery of single women who choose to remain virgins until marriage or to remain chaste (I blogged about that (Link): here a few years ago).

Unfortunately, in the midst of criticizing Handler, a lot of conservatives today were conflating “womanhood” to married motherhood. 

However, a woman remains a woman regardless if she has a child or is infertile, childless, or childfree, or whether she wants to have children or not.

Six Ways Single People Can Thrive This Valentine’s Day by J. Hocking

Six Ways Single People Can Thrive This Valentine’s Day by J. Hocking

(Link): Six Ways Single People Can Thrive This Valentine’s Day

by J. Hocking
February 2023

Confession.

I have been single for the last ten Valentine’s Days. Yes you read that right: T-E-N. So I’ve become quite the pro when it comes to navigating the day known to couples as ‘best day of the year’ and to singles, the day they want to curl up in a ball and die.

Those in a loved-up relationship will know the thrill of a big bunch of roses arriving at their work desk. To be paraded around the office as everyone comments “oh you lucky thing” while quietly filling their coffee cups up with hard liquor.

Seriously, nothing reminds you that you’re single like Valentine’s Day. And while we’ve been lucky enough to avoid the gross V-day for a couple of years thanks to lockdown – this year I’m afraid it’s unavoidable.

So what do you do when you know you’re going to be surrounded by smooching couples and roses that aren’t for you. You turn lemons into lemonade my friend!

You may not believe this, but I have honestly had the best Valentine’s Day as a singleton. I distinctly remember one year my two best friends and I were all single at the same time. So we decided to tackle it together and celebrate Galentine’s Day.

You Can Flush Your Ex Down the Toilet This Valentine’s Day

You Can Flush Your Ex Down the Toilet This Valentine’s Day

 (Link): You can flush your ex down the toilet this Valentine’s Day

By Brooke Steinberg
February 2, 2023

Say goodbye to your crappy ex this Valentine’s Day.

Feb. 14 is not full of roses and love for everyone — some people are happily single and are fine with ignoring the holiday.

Others might be recently single or experiencing heartbreak, and are reminded of the raw memories thanks to the day that’s full of romantic cliches, pink and red color schemes, roses and candy hearts.

Toilet paper company Who Gives a Crap wants to help people forget their exes and find a way to enjoy Valentine’s Day.

Valentine’s Day Secret: Special Occasion Up Ahead is Not Just For Lovers (Celebrate Valentine’s With and For Friends and Family Too)

Valentine’s Day Secret: Special Occasion Up Ahead is Not Just For Lovers (Celebrate Valentine’s With and For Friends and Family Too)

From the time I was a kid, in my family, Valentine’s Day was not just considered a romantic holiday, but something that could be celebrated with friends and family.

It was normal in my family for me, when I was a kid, to wake up on Valentine’s to find Valentine’s Day cards from my Mom, Dad, and sometimes my siblings. As I got older and had jobs, I’d sometimes buy cards for friends and family, and sometimes chocolates for my sister, Mom, and friends I had.

Valentine’s Day does not have to be a holiday only for married or dating couples. If you’re single, you can still celebrate it.

(Link): Valentine’s Day secret: Special occasion up ahead is not just for lovers

Ahead of the holiday, parents can teach their kids a valuable family remembrance tip this Valentine’s Day

January 30, 2023
by Britt Riner

On Valentine’s Day this year, here’s an idea from one mother to other parents.

Why not write your own parents a grown-up Valentine’s Day message — and model for your own children the love between generations?

Sometimes kids forget to express their affection to the very people who love them, precisely because they know they don’t need to earn their parents’ love.

Dear Abby: “My Kids Never Call or Visit Me” – Your Adult Children Do Not Owe You Friendship and Won’t Visit You When You Are Elderly: Readjust Your Expectations, Parents

Dear Abby: “My Kids Never Call or Visit Me” – Your Adult Children Do Not Owe You Friendship and Won’t Visit You When You Are Elderly: Readjust Your Expectations, Parents

If you’re a childfree person, you know you’ve heard pro-parenthood people, usually parents themselves, ask a million times, “But who is going to take care of you when you get older?”

From what I’ve heard of people who work in nursing homes, the adult children of elderly people in nursing homes seldom to never go to visit them.

When I used to periodically visit my grandmother in a nursing home, as myself and other family would be sitting in the lobby waiting for a nurse to wheel my grandmother out to visit, other seniors would wheel up to myself or one of my aunts and start to cry.

These seniors would cry (I mean literally cry, with tears running down their faces), and they’d say, “I don’t like it here, I want to go home.”

The vibe is that these elderly people hated being in the nursing home (which is understandable; I felt so bad for these people), but they were apparently not getting many visits (if any at all) from their family members.

When one of my Aunts got into her 80s (by that time, her spouse had been dead for around ten or more years), she was living alone, her memory was going – she eventually had to move in with one of her adult sons.

But prior to that, for years and years, that Aunt was on her own. She’d phone my Dad (her brother in law) any time she needed help.

My Dad ended up doing things like driving that particular Aunt of mine to the hospital at 2:00 in the morning when she fell and broke a rib. She called him and asked him for help with that.

My Dad went to her home on another occasion to fix a leaking toilet. My Dad also mowed her lawn for her a few times.

My Aunt’s own own adult son, who lived much closer to her than my father did, was not stepping up to the plate. He only came into the picture when there was no other choice.

His Mom (my Aunt) eventually got fairly bad dementia, or whatever problem (her recall became terrible) – she also became more and more physically frail, and it became glaringly obvious she could no longer live alone.

Only then did the adult son step up and let her live in his house, something he should’ve done years prior.

Before that, my Dad, who was up there in age himself, was driving to her house, which was like a 40 minute commute each way, to run errands for her, drive her to doctor’s appointments, etc, whenever she’d phone for help.

In reading up on books and web pages on abuse and codependency, I kept seeing one boundary violation by parents who have this bogus expectation that their adult children owe them friendship – to keep them occupied when they’re lonely.

This is doubly true if the parent in question is widowed (the other spouse died), or if they’re in a lonely, loveless marriage.

These types of parents (usually the mother) actually expects that their adult children (usually a daughter) to wait on them hand and foot, eat lunch with them daily, to phone them daily to chit chat – to be their buddy, their confidant and their pal to keep loneliness at bay.

And that is not a fair or reasonable expectation for a parent to have. Psychologists write about this in their books, it’s not merely me informing you of this.

I also read an entire book about emotional incest by a psychologist, and, according to this book, a lot of parents actually begin looking to a young child of theirs to meet their emotional needs and their need for companionship and/or identity or purpose when their kid is a baby, toddler, pre-teen, or teen!

This sort of thing does not always start in the kid’s adulthood, in other words. For some kids, it begins when they’re a baby or small child.

If the parent leans on the child in that manner, according to the psychologist who treats the now-adult patients who were leaned on by a parent when they were a kid, it will create all sorts of problems for the child when he or she grows up.

If you’re a parent, you need to realize that it’s not your child’s responsibility or duty to provide you with companionship, regardless of your child’s age.

If you are lonely or bored, you need to get out of the house and make friends with people YOUR OWN AGE.

You should never, ever rely on a child of yours (whatever their age) to meet your need for friendship, nor should you share personal details with them, like divorce stress, or whatever.

Your child is not your mini-therapist at any age. Talk to an adult friend about your adult problems. Making friends as an adult is not easy, but you will be messing up your kid if you start sharing “adult” details and problems with them, especially if they are young.

Anyway, having children is NOT a guarantee that the children will regularly stay in touch with you as you age.

(Link): Dear Abby: My Kids Never Call or Visit Me

by Dear Abby
January 29, 2023

DEAR ABBY:
I am an active widower with five grown children. Although three of them live in the same city and two live in a city nearby, I haven’t heard from or seen them as often over the past few years as I would like.

I realized recently that I miss their company and I’d like them to call or see me more often.

Florida Man Throws Christmas Tree at Wife After Being Asked to Help With Dinner

Florida Man Throws Christmas Tree at Wife After Being Asked to Help With Dinner

🎄🎄🎄

Ho ho ho! 🎅 Does being married guarantee happiness, contentment, and inner peace? No it does not!

So if you’re single this holiday and bummed out about it, don’t be! You can enjoy your own company… which is preferable to having an idiot spouse throw a Christmas tree at you.

(Link): Florida man is arrested after hitting his wife with a CHRISTMAS TREE after she asked him to help her with dinner

Dec 15, 2022

A Florida man was arrested after bashing his wife with a Christmas tree after he became enraged when she asked him to help prepare dinner.

Richard Daniel Atchison, 52, was arrested on Monday around 7pm on felony charges including false imprisonment, violation of an injunction and domestic battery, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by DailyMail.com.

…The disturbing incident occurred when Atchison ‘lost his temper’ after the couple got into an argument inside their Fruitland Park home.

(Link): Florida Man Throws Christmas Tree at Wife After Being Asked to Help With Dinner

December 14, 2022
By Pilar Arias , Fox News

A Florida man allegedly threw a Christmas tree at his wife during an argument that was sparked when she asked him to help make dinner, authorities said.

Richard Atchison, 52, “lost his temper” in the couple’s Fruitland Park home Monday evening after his wife asked for help and put a spoon in the sink, accidentally splashing him with water, according to an arrest affidavit obtained by FOX 35 Orlando.

Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness by C. Pearson

Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness by C. Pearson

(Link): Simple Steps for Managing Holiday Loneliness – NY Times, paywall

Excerpts:

by C. Pearson

…Loneliness is subjective. During the holidays, you can be surrounded by friends and family and feel totally isolated. Alternatively, you can be alone and feel completely at peace.

…When loneliness hits, it is possible to help yourself through it and lighten the feeling, experts say. These five strategies can help.

Do something for others

Volunteering is a proven buffer against stress and depressive symptoms and can be particularly effective in lessening feelings of isolation. That is because loneliness tends to draw people’s attention inward, while giving back turns it outward, Dr. Floyd said.

…Informal gestures help ease feelings of isolation, as well. Dr. Holt-Lunstad led research showing that performing small acts of kindness toward neighbors — like dropping off groceries, watering their plants or simply chatting for a bit — can help people feel less solitary.

Tap into your creativity

[Studies have shown that people feel less lonely if they are engaging in a creative activity, even if they are doing the activity alone]

…Creative expression can take many forms, Dr. Holt-Lunstad said. You might paint or craft. Perhaps you write or play an instrument. Maybe you finally take on that D.I.Y. project in your home.

The One Question You Should Never Ask a Single Person at Christmas by J. Hocking

The One Question You Should Never Ask a Single Person at Christmas by J. Hocking

(Link): The one question you should never ask a single person at Christmas

Excerpts:

by Jana Hocking
December 15, 2022

This time of year can put a shiver up the spine of most singletons.

Yes, it’s Christmastime, and oopsy daisy, you forgot to bag yourself a partner in time for dinner with the family.

You’re armoring up for the “Why haven’t you got yourself a partner yet?” question from annoying relatives with good hearts, and the idea of waking up by yourself instead of to a boisterous house full of children and a sexy husband can seem pretty darn crappy.

Except … it’s not.

You see, we focus so much on the traditional side of Christmas, we forget that this time of year as a singleton is actually ridiculously fun.

Don’t believe me? Let me point out a few reasons why you can thank the Lord he didn’t throw your soulmate into your direct path this year.

1. Sweet, sweet freedom

Unlike partnered-up couples who are arguing about who will be designated driver, and trying to figure out whose family gets Christmas and whose gets Boxing Day, you get the glorious gift of freedom to pick and choose to do whatever the heck you want for Christmas.

A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison

A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison

Christians really set women up to make easy targets for the man in this news story, and Christians, with their “gender complementarian” teachings, pressure women to stay IN relationships with dishonest, manipulative trash like this, if the woman marries the guy.

Christians, by and large, are naive, and the way they teach believers, especially girls and women, to live life, makes them very susceptible to being taken in by scammers.

(Link): STOLE HER HEART Inside heartless crimes of ‘fake Romeo’ Patrick Giblin likened to Tinder Swindler who scammed hundreds out of thousands 

(Link): Police say this dude presented himself as a rich, suave Romeo to con dozens of women out of more than $250,000

(Link): A fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, charmed more than 100 women with promises of romance, then scammed them. Now he’s going to prison

by Faith Karimi, CNN
Dec 10, 2022

Patrick Giblin was like the American version of the “Tinder Swindler” – but without the private jets.

He wooed women with stories about his respectable family – his father was a judge, he said – and beachfront property in Atlantic City, New Jersey, where he said he worked in the casino industry, according to a federal criminal complaint. He told them he was ready to settle down and was more interested in a woman’s inner beauty than her outward appearance.

He vowed that distance was not an issue because he had access to discount flights and was even ready to move to a woman’s city to further their romance.

But federal officials say those were all lies, concocted to swindle women looking for love through dating sites. A review of plea agreements and federal complaints show that Giblin conned at least 100 women over two decades, coaxing them out of more than $250,000 with false promises followed by requests for short-term loans that were never repaid.

“He preyed on vulnerabilities, promising to end the loneliness of a woman who had recently ended a long-term relationship or soothing someone who recently suffered the death of a loved one,” said a report by federal prosecutors in New Jersey. “Giblin would convince these women that he was willing to relocate to their locales but needed money wired to do so.”

Divorcee Learns to Enjoy Life Again After 35 Year Marriage Ends by J. Ivey

Divorcee Learns to Enjoy Life Again After 35 Year Marriage Ends by J. Ivey

I could not find a copy of this online, so I cannot link to it. I have a print copy.

Someone did upload a copy to Scribd, but you have to have a subscription or whatever to read past the first few paragraphs

Girlfriend Power

Excerpts:

February / March 2022

It was the first Valentine’s Day after my marriage ended. The last thing I wanted to do was go to a party with a bunch of single ladies

Girlfriend Power by Jennie Ivey

[The author opens the piece by explaining that she and her husband George were divorcing after 35 years of marriage.]

… For the first time in decades, I wasn’t part of a couple. For the first time in my life, I was living alone.

… Why oh why had I said I’d go to my friend Pat’s Valentine’s party? “Celebrate with other singles at a girls’ night in,” the invitation read. “Food! Music! Games! Fun!”

[Initially, she called her friend who was throwing the party to decline. The friend told her the reason for the party started years before, when her husband served her divorce papers on Valentine’s Day, and her father died on Valentine’s Day a few years prior. The friend replied,]

… “instead of moping around because we’re not coupled up, we get together to have a good time.” She wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“And one more thing, Jennie – you have to wear pink or red. It’s a Valentine’s party rule!”

[She mentions that her ex husband George was a surgeon, and while he wasn’t the greatest husband, he did okay on Valentine’s – he’d bring her flowers or candy in heart shaped boxes and so on]

Before I left for Pat’s I said a quick prayer. I hadn’t done a whole lot of praying since the breakup of my marriage. Sometimes I felt mad at God. Furious even.

Did he care that I was suddenly single at 60, an age when most couples were looking forward to retirement and spending time with their kids and grandkids together?

My prayer that evening was short and to the point: God, please show me how to be single.