What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better

What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better

(Link):  What If Marriage Is Overrated?  by Jesse Singal
– A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better

When I attended the American Psychological Association’s annual conference in Denver last August, the best and most well-attended talk I saw was by (Link): Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who studies single people.

For years, DePaulo has been chipping away at the commonly held belief — a myth, in her view and according to her research — that marriage offers unique happiness and well-being benefits. These findings are seriously overstated or misleading, DePaulo has argued, and if there weren’t so much intense social pressure to get married, a lot more people would be single, and many of them might be happier as a result.

Continue reading “What If Marriage Is Overrated? – A social psychologist has been chipping away at many claims about marriage changing one’s life for the better”

My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

(Link): My parents excluded me when I was single — now they’re doing it to my sister (Ask Amy column)

DEAR AMY: I am a 35-year-old woman. I live in the same town as my parents.

My sister lives nearby. She married young, while I traveled and enjoyed the single life.

My parents spent a lot of time with my sister and her husband. They shared dinners, vacations and holidays. I have generally not been invited or included, as these were “couple things,” though I fail to see how Christmas is a “couples-only” event.

Continue reading “My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)”

‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid

‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid

As I’ve said many times on this blog, there are times I am glad I have never married. After watching this show a few times, I definitely feel that way.

Here is a link or two about the show:

(Link): Deadly Wives: Acid Lady

(Link): Deadly Wives: Crime and Investigation

(Link): Deadly Wives

(Link): Deadly Wives TV Show

I caught a couple of episodes the other day on LIFEtime channel or whatever it’s called of a reality series called “Deadly Wives.”

Usually, it seems abuse and crimes in marriages are male- on- female, but in this show…

It’s a show about women who murder their husbands, female- on- male violence.

The first episode I saw was about a woman who killed her husband by giving him horse tranq via drops in his mouth from a Visine bottle, then she buried him in a vineyard.

The second episode I saw disturbed me far more than the first.

It was about a woman named Larissa, a chemist, who was married to Tim. She knocked Tim out with chloroform, and when he was only partially knocked out (he may have still been alive), she had a male accomplice named James stuff Tim into a large, blue barrel, where upon she dumped about four gallons of Hydrochloric acid on him.

Continue reading “‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid”

Groom Charged with Four Counts of Rape on His Wedding Day

Groom Charged with Four Counts of Rape on His Wedding Day

I grew up in a conservative, Christian background and have been a social conservative my whole life. I was a Republican from my teen years up to my mid-40s. I remain a right winger, but I don’t think I consider myself a Republican any more (no, I’m not a Democrat).

There is definitely a mythos and fairy tale among Christians and conservative political types that getting married is necessary to making a person mature, godly, responsible, and loving.

Often, Christian or right wing think tanks promote or peddle articles and studies that purport to show that marriage makes people happier or more mature (and these in turn are often debunked by Bella Depaulo – visit her blog here)

Of course, this idea that marriage will make a person more godly, loving, ethical and so forth, is magical thinking and a falsehood.

Marriage does not make people any more godly, responsible, loving, or mature than singleness does.

If marriage makes a person more loving, godly, and so forth, why do I keep seeing news story after news story of people who rape other people? Like this one:

(Link): Groom Charge with Four Counts of Rape on His Wedding Day

Pastor Marries His Mistress And Begs For Honeymoon Money Through GoFundMe

Pastor Marries His Mistress And Begs For Honeymoon Money Through GoFundMe

I hope this is satire, but it appears to be the real deal.

Christians: a lot of you teach that married couples are more godly and mature than single adults. No, they’re not. Here’s more proof.

I also think this is another example of how “equally yoked” is an ineffective teaching that is pointless and needs to go into the trash can, in so far as Christians assume it applies to marriage.

(Link): Pastor Marries His Mistress And Begs For Honeymoon Money Through GoFundMe

By Victor Ochieng

When “greet your neighbor” portion comes up during a church service, most people don’t connect; they simply see their neighbor’s faces, shake their hands, and that’s it. For Pastor Elijah Jones III, however, he didn’t just see a face, instead he found “true love.”

Jones fell in love with Stephanie Malveaux at a time when he was already married to a woman by the name Wanda Jones, according to Reality Wives. After they met, Malveaux became Jones’ mistress before the two later got married.

Jones, however, tried to make their relationship appear like that of two single people coming together in love yet that wasn’t the case.

According to (Link): reports, the two met at a church.

Continue reading “Pastor Marries His Mistress And Begs For Honeymoon Money Through GoFundMe”

I Probably Wouldn’t Be Discussing My Sexual Choices If Other People Would Shut Up About Theirs

I Probably Wouldn’t Be Discussing My Sexual Choices If Other People Would Shut Up About Theirs

I suppose my main basis for having started this blog a few years ago is that I am single and was wanting to get married, and I couldn’t figure out why I was still single – then I thought back, reflected, on how most churches ignore or disrespect single adults merely for being single. And I was not seeing this discussed much, or not consistently, on Christian sites.

But then I also started noticing how most people, Christians included, are terribly rude and disrespectful, towards people who are not having sex.

I just wanted to say I probably would not have started this blog about being a celibate adult (and being single), or write about celibacy as much as I did, if the church and most of society would shut up about sex and marriage.

I’m not the kind of person who goes around blabbing about her sexual status to people – certainly not announcing it all over the place, or not to friends or co-workers.

Continue reading “I Probably Wouldn’t Be Discussing My Sexual Choices If Other People Would Shut Up About Theirs”

Just Because You’re Married, Doesn’t Mean Sexual Temptation Goes Away – Relevant

Just Because You’re Married, Doesn’t Mean Sexual Temptation Goes Away – Relevant

I’ve been saying this for ages on my blog: being married does not remove sexual temptation or guarantee sexual purity.

All Apostle Paul said in the Bible is that if one burns with lust, one should marry – but Christians often read into that Bible verse that Paul was implying that being married means a person will never sexually sin – which is not what he was saying.

I have (Link): many examples on my blog of married Christian men who have been arrested for, or caught, raping people, fondling children, having affairs, or using pornography.

The tweet for this put out by Relevant magazine was, “Just because you’re married, doesn’t mean sexual temptation goes away” but the headline on the page was:

(Link): 3 Ways to Fight Sexual Temptation Within Marriage

Singles and newlyweds alike often assume that, after getting hitched, married sex resolves the issue of lust. Personally, that was my assumption before I was married, but lust doesn’t go away even though marital sex may fulfill desire.

Lustful thoughts and glances for someone other than your spouse can still occur after the wedding night, and lust just doesn’t disappear even if you have a healthy marital sex life (as evidenced by pornography and adultery within marriage). And to state the obvious, it isn’t just men who have this issue within marriage.

After being married for two years, I found myself lustfully daydreaming about other men around the same time I discovered that pornography was an issue for my husband.

Long story short, through anger, tears, prayer, support from our church community and the grace of Jesus Christ, pornography isn’t an issue in our relationship anymore. But honestly, that doesn’t mean that lusting after others outside of marriage doesn’t still happen.
(( click here to read the rest ))


Related Posts:

(Link):  Christians Assume All Adult Singles Are Porn Addicted Fornicating Horn Dogs

(Link):  Married Preacher Raped Two Girls in His Church and Also Had Child Sexual Abuse (Porn) Collection- Some of it obtained by placing hidden cameras in church bathroom

(Link):  Calvary Chapel Pastor in Florida Pleads Guilty to Murdering his Mistress

(Link):  Christian Man Kills Wife Leaving Church After Sunday Worship; Couple Active Members for 20 Years – So Much for Being Equally Yoked, and Marriage Making Couples More Mature and Godly

(Link): Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids

Pastor Commits Suicide After Accidentally Sexting Penis Photos Meant For Mistress to Church Members

Pastor Commits Suicide After Accidentally Sexting Photos Meant For Mistress to Church Members

(Link):   Pastor takes own life after sending penis photos to church WhatsApp group

(Link):  Philandering priest hangs himself after sending his penis pictures to church WhatsApp group

The picture caption said “Wife is away, it’s all yours tonight”.

September 20, 2016 15:14 BST

By Staff Reporter

A South African pastor has killed himself after accidentally sending pictures of his penis to his church WhatsApp group chat

Pastor Letsego, from the Christ Embassy – a Christianmegachurch founded in Nigerian in the 1990s – is believed to have sent the pictures accompanied by the caption: “Wife is away, it’s all yours tonight”, the Daily Post reported.

Letsego, who was married, was allegedly trying to send the pictures to his lover, also a member of the church.

Continue reading “Pastor Commits Suicide After Accidentally Sexting Penis Photos Meant For Mistress to Church Members”

Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape

Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape

The guy in this story, Willis, is a married father who was on a “family values” type TV show, where he was passing himself off as being a good, Christian guy. He has been arrested for having raped a child years ago.

As someone who can be pretty critical of lots of Christians and “family values” rhetoric, I do think I should periodically mention when blogging about these news stories I do realize that not all Christians (or people who have traditional values) are scum bags.

However, these sorts of stories are common enough – stories about guys who claim to be Christ-followers or who are big advocates of “Family Values” who do end up being child molesters or wife beaters – that maybe Christians who are heavily vested in the culture wars might want to take a step back.

I will also remind readers how this story about a married man who is father to numerous biological children who raped a person shows that the Christian propaganda and stereotype that being married and a parent is necessary to being a good, godly, mature, or ethical person is a bunch of nonsense.

(Link):  Father-of-12 Toby Willis from TLC’s The Willis Family is charged with raping an underage girl after attempting to flee from police

(Link):  Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape by D. Ferguson

Excerpts:

Toby Willis — patriarch of the conservative Christian family featured on TLC’s reality show The Willis Family — has been arrested and charged with the rape of an underage girl.

(Link): The New York Daily News reported Saturday that Toby Willis, 46, was arrested and charged by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation (TBI) for raping an underage girl 12 years ago.

TBI agents carried out a days-long investigation of the charges against Willis, who is the father of 12 children, all of whose names begin with the letter J. The Duggar-like musical family were the stars of their own reality show about traveling the country spreading the Christian gospel and performing country music. However, due to poor ratings, TLC canceled the show in April.

Willis was apprehended in Kentucky where he fled in an attempt to evade arrest. He will be extradited to Tennessee’s Cheatham County Jail, where he will be held without bond.

Willis and his wife Brenda — like Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar — are (Link) Quiverfull parents, adherents to a Christian dominionist sect that encourages married couples to produce as many offspring as possible in order to raise an army of believers.

Continue reading “Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape”

Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids

Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids

Several Christian blogs have been covering this story lately.

A married Christian father named Peter Newman is reported to have sexually assaulted under-aged boys that he met at a Christian camp called Kamp Kanakuk in Missouri.

A guy named Joe White is the CEO of Kanakuk Ministries, which includes Kamp Kanakuk.

Newman, the reports say, invited some of these boys over to camp property in off-season, after hours, or to his home – sometimes under the pretense of having them over for Bible study.

According to online news, Newman told some of the boys if they allowed him to masturbate them (or vice versa), it would eliminate sexual temptation for them. These reports say Newman also went on to sodomize these boys or perform oral sex on them (or them on him).

If I am understanding the blog coverage and secular news reports correctly, even though the Christians who ran the camp knew (yes, they knew) that this Newman guy was allegedly fondling children, they did nothing about it.

Further (again, if I am understanding the coverage correctly) Newman was later hired to work at Fellowship Memphis Church, a church which (Link): also protected another known sexual deviant who preyed on girls and women within their church during church hours, despite the fact the folks there were aware of his deviant history.

Of course I find child sexual abuse to be horrible, evil, and deviant.

However, the focus of my blog is not child abuse per se.

I tend to focus on the topic of adult singleness and issues that may be of interest to singles – such as how Christians love to discriminate against, or otherwise ignore, singles, and how they promote this bogus notion that married parents are morally superior to single, childless adults. So, when I link to stories about child abuse, it tends to be in a way that relates to singleness.

When I was reading up on this story – mostly skimming articles, I’ve been a little busy lately to devote much time to writing posts for this blog – I noted how some of the promotional work for this Newman guy by Christians at the camp kept emphasizing what  a godly, stand-up guy he supposedly is.

These Christian groups were saying he’s a real great example of “Family Values.”

At one point, the Christians (either the Christian camp or the church, I don’t recall which) had Newman work as a (get this!) speaker about sexual purity for teens at some Christian conference.

Continue reading “Christian Married Father (Promoted by His Christian Employer as being a Family Values Guy) Sexually Assaulted Boys at Christian Camp, Some During Bible Study, Say News Reports – And He Led Sexual Purity Classes for Kids”

Married Church Staffer Arrested for Secretly Filming Upskirt Videos of Girls, Women in Church Bathroom and While They Kneeled During Services – Equally Yoked is BUNK

Married Church Staffer Arrested for Secretly Filming Upskirt Videos of Girls, Women in Church Bathroom and While They Kneeled During Services – Equally Yoked is BUNK 

Way farther below in this post is a link to a news story about a married church staff guy who was a pervert. (I think I first saw this news story via @watchkeep’s Twitter account.)

My Christian parents brought me up to think if I wanted to marry, that the best place for me to meet potential spouses would be at a church. I suppose the assumption with that is that the type of men who attend church regularly are going to be “safer” or better moral choices than the type of dude you might meet at a bar.

However, in the last few years of running this blog, I have seen (Link): so many news stories of church-going Christian men who get arrested for abuse or perversion, I now have my doubts about that.

Secondly, single women out-number single men in churches. I know that every church I’ve been to in person, I’ve been one of the few singles there. The only men in attendance and 80 years old, which would be fine if I were 80 too, but I’m not, and May December relationships (Link): make me want to barf.

Below  is a news report of a church staffer who was caught secretly filming “upskirt” videos of girls and women in church bathrooms and during church services. That is bad enough as-is, but the report says that the church discouraged the women from contacting the police over this.

Continue reading “Married Church Staffer Arrested for Secretly Filming Upskirt Videos of Girls, Women in Church Bathroom and While They Kneeled During Services – Equally Yoked is BUNK”

How Do We Solve a Problem Like the Singles? by R. Kilgore

How Do We Solve a Problem Like the Singles?  by Rachel Kilgore

Before I get to the link to the essay by Kilgore, which is hosted at MOS (Mortificiation of Spin / specifically, Aimee Byrd’s blog, ‘Housewife Theologian’):

For years and years on this blog, here on “Christian Pundit” blog, I have been explaining over and over again that most evangelical, Baptist, Reformed, and Fundamentalist Christian denominations, churches, and groups IGNORE adults singles – the older a single you are, the worse it is – the more ignored you are.

I have also commented on other people’s blogs under the Christian Pundit blog name, and under other names, alerting Christians to how horribly American Christians treat adult singles. I have Tweeted about it.

When Christians aren’t ignoring us older singles, and they do manage to notice our existence, many Christians shame us for being single. They insult us. They try to make us feel like we are losers (seriously, see (Link): this post, (Link): this post, (Link): this post), (Link): this post – I could cite many more examples from my blog of anti-Singles bias by Christians, but that should suffice.)

I used to be what is called a gender complementarian.  I am not interested in spending a lot of time explaining what that means.

I am no longer a gender complementarian.

I am linking you here to a post about adult singleness at a blog (the one by A. Byrd) owned by what I would term “soft gender complementarians.”

Continue reading “How Do We Solve a Problem Like the Singles? by R. Kilgore”

Calvary Chapel Pastor in Florida Pleads Guilty to Murdering his Mistress

Calvary Chapel Pastor in Florida Pleads Guilty to Murdering his Mistress

I first saw this story via Janey The Small on Twitter. This news story seems familiar – I hope I didn’t already post it to the blog.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it: Christian singles: drop the “Equally Yoked” teaching. You need to judge people by their character if you want to date or marry them. You should not, for your safety, go by a label. Just because someone wears the label of “Christian” does not ensure they are a friendly, loving, ethical person.

I’d also have to say that stories like this go to show the Christian teaching of “hot, regular Christian married sex” is a great big falsehood. If married Christian sex was so great, why do I see these news stories of these men cheating on their wives?

By the way, this story also goes to show that contrary to a lot of Christian teaching, you do NOT have to earn a spouse, or be perfect or godly before God will send you a spouse. If that teaching were true, murdering slime balls like this guy in this story never would have been able to marry.

(Link): Calvary Chapel Pastor in Florida Pleads Guilty to Murdering his Mistress

Excerpt:

  • James Flanders, the Calvary Chapel Pastor from Florida who was suspected of murdering his mistress who he considered his “second wife” has now plead guilty to manslaughter charges as part of a negotiation for reduced sentencing and a plea deal to lessen his time in prison.

That post in turn links to this one:

(Link):  Former pastor pleads in murder case involving missing woman (VIDEOS)

  • April 2016
  • FORT WALTON BEACH — Former pastor James Ty Flanders pleaded guilty Thursday to killing Marie Jane Carlson in October, 2011 and has shown authorities where he buried her body.
  • Today will begin the “very tedious and time consuming” task of unearthing the corpse, according to State Attorney Bill Eddins.
  • …Flanders, who has been in jail facing the second-degree murder charge since last May 14, finally confessed during plea negotiations to killing Carlson, who he has said he considered his second wife.

Continue reading “Calvary Chapel Pastor in Florida Pleads Guilty to Murdering his Mistress”

Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal

Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal

And there are some whiny, cry-baby men who think THEY have single life harder – news flash, (Link): you don’t have it worse, men: men usually are not murdered by jealous women over turning down dates or proposals.

While I’d say that the root of this case involves a lot of misogyny and patriarchy, I think perhaps a small factor is an over-emphasis upon marriage.

Perhaps if cultures like this one were taught that being single and/or celibate are perfectly fine lifestyles to live, we wouldn’t see people feel so pressured to marry, and they would realize they can control their sexual urges. Therefore, women would not be killed for turning down dates, requests for sex, or marriage proposals.

You don’t have to be married, or have sex, to enjoy life or be happy and content. (I am not knocking a desire to be married, you realize, only saying if it does not happen for you, you will survive – and realize you can enjoy life without marriage or sex.)

Dollars to doughnuts that everyone in this news story was Muslim.

If so, I’d like to say again I see striking parallels between Islamic attitudes and behaviors towards women as I do from some gender complementarian or Quiverfull Christian groups, as well as sexist men and MRA (Men’s Rights Activists) groups – they all treat women like second-class citizens to be controlled by men and are considered to have value only in- so- far as they breed like rabbits and/or provide men with sex.

(Link): Pakistani woman dies after being set on fire for rejecting marriage proposal

  • By Azadeh Ansari and Sophia Saifi, CNN
  • Updated 11:47 AM ET, Thu June 2, 2016
  • Islamabad, Pakistan (CNN)- An 18-year-old Pakistani schoolteacher died Wednesday from injuries after her body was set on fire for refusing a marriage proposal, police said.
  • The perpetrators beat Maria Abbasi, then drenched her in petrol and set her body ablaze before leaving her for dead, her family members told CNN.
  • Continue reading “Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal”

    Exploding the Myth of the Traditional Family by E. Hines

    Exploding the Myth of the Traditional Family

    (Link): Exploding the Myth of the Traditional Family by E. Hines

    Excerpts

    • ….But today, most families hardly fit that [nuclear family] mold. Fifty percent of American adults are unmarried and 41 percent of children in America are born to unmarried parents.
    • That is an indication that the very concept of family is evolving, as more and more people realize that there are any number of ways to build good and functioning familial units.

    Continue reading “Exploding the Myth of the Traditional Family by E. Hines”

    Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit

    Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit

    This article says that this guy is married (or was at one point; I have no idea if he’s still married to his wife or not).

    Christians often think that married people are more sexually pure and moral than adult singles – they will often refuse to allow adult singles to serve in leadership positions in churches, one reason being, they assume that the single will “hit on” or start affairs with other people.

    But if you will notice, the majority of news stories about Christians who are involved in affairs or looking at child porn and what have you, are MARRIED persons, NOT singles.

    Which is not to say there are not self-professing Christian singles who aren’t sexually sinning, because there sure as heck are, but I’m so tired of this Christian stereotype that married people are as pure as the freshly driven snow, while we singles are supposedly a bunch of over-sexed horn dogs.

    I myself am over the age of 40, and I am celibate. I am more sexually up-right than a lot of Christian married people. So Christians who harbor these stereotypes about singles being Jezebel harlots and married people being sexually pure can kiss my butt.

    By the way, does the “be equally yoked” rule Christians apply to marriage REALLY MATTER when the “Christian” husband ends up cheating on his wife by using pornography or prostitutes or he has a mistress?

    Does this example REALLY up-hold the Christian teaching that God expects a person to be mature or godly before he will permit him or her to have a spouse? No, it does not.

    If God expected people to be totally moral, ethical, mature, and godly before allowing them to have a spouse, the idiot in this news story would still be single – but he’s not. He has a wife (or did. I am not clear if the wife is still with him or not).

    (Link): Director of Cedar Rapids nonprofit skimmed donations to support ‘sex addiction’

    (Link): Christian charity head admits using donations for sex habit 

    (Link): Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit

    • by R. Roley
    • May 2016
    • The president of a Christian charity in Iowa admitted that he embezzled nearly a half-million dollars in donations and used the money to pay for a sex addiction, federal prosecutors said Tuesday.
    • Jon S. Petersen, of Cedar Rapids, pleaded guilty Monday to one count of filing a false tax return. He was released from custody pending a sentencing hearing, which hasn’t been scheduled.
    • Petersen, 55, is the longtime president of World Ambassadors, Ltd., a nonprofit he founded with his wife in 1993 to provide a Christian outreach to international students on college campuses.

    Continue reading “Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit”

    Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine

    Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine

    I first saw this link Tweeted by Defend The Sheep’s Twitter.

    • My blog stalker, (Link): John Morgan will now probably blog about this on his blog (without crediting myself and/or Defend the Sheep), or, he’ll probably leave a comment on this blog post:

    (Link):  Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine, by R. Karman

    Excerpts:

    • Please don’t misunderstand me, I do wish to be un-single one day. I do want to have children, and I am not opposed to dating. I am not rejecting all potential relationships and I love the concept of marriage, I really do.
    • …But, marriage is not God’s only gift.
    • And it is not the central focus of my life’s trajectory, either. Though, to my disappointment, it feels like until finding “the one” becomes my top priority, I may never fully fit into the mold many within the Church long for me to embody.
    • At the age of 29, I was turned away by couples-only small groups, told by the attendants—some of my closest friends—that we were no longer in the same stage of life, then placed in a group with recent college graduates.
    • ….I’ve been told that I will not truly know what it means to love until I am married with children.

    Continue reading “Why Do Churches Treat Singleness Like a Problem? via Relevant Magazine”

    We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog

    We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog

    Someone on my Twitter re-Tweeted a link to the link below.

    The e-mail from Gross (that is mentioned at the other blog) also shames and blames women whose husbands are using porn; he actually tells them that their husbands are still owed sex, they should not “put walls up” with their spouse and treat their husbands with suspicion in all areas of their lives, and so on.

    Gross’ comments were inappropriate and insensitive to women who find out their husbands are cheating on them by viewing pornography. You can visit this blog below to see those additional comments.

    I’d like to add that this also goes to show the the Christian trope that Christian married sex will be hot, steamy, and satisfying is false. Obviously, some Christian men (and married Christian women) are using porn, so they are not being fully sexually satisfied in the sack by their Christian spouse.

    Also note that this disproves the Christian myth that married persons are immune from sexual sin. They are not. Married people are not more sexually pure than adult singles.

    (Link): We’re All Visual 

    Excerpts:

    • I received an email from Craig Gross at XXX Church the other day.  I had not signed up for emails from them.  This is because XXX Church and Craig Gross purchase email address lists to be able to market to the people on them.  Find out more about that (Link): HERE.
    • This uninvited email was telling women how to deal with their husbands’ viewing pornography.  I was horrified and angered by the content that was in the email and took to Twitter to communicate that to Craig Gross.  I shall be spending this blog articulating WHY his email was so dangerous and will by referring t the email, the blog that the email is an excerpt from and my Twitter interaction with him.
    • …Right, let’s get this VISUAL NATURE nonsense.
    • Cordelia Fine’s book “Delusions of Gender” is a must read for anyone who wants to understand the basics of neurobiology.  NOTHING IS HARDWIRED IN THE BRAIN.  The last ten years has seen neuroscience reject the idea of hardwiring in the brain.  The most recent science states that NEUROPLASTICITY (http://www.whatisneuroplasticity.com) is how the brain works.
    • The frontal cortex of the brain (the bit which deals with cognition) only really begins to develop after birth.  This means that almost everything brain based is malleable according to context and socialisation.
    • It is not in men’s “nature” to be visual, it is in their socialisation.

    Continue reading “We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog”

    Bethke: “Christians Do Not Need To Get Married To Live A Full And Flourishing Existence”

    Bethke: “Christians Do Not Need To Get Married To Live A Full And Flourishing Existence”

    Before I get to the link itself (the editorial is located on The Christian Post site), whoever Tweeted the link to the article via Christian Post targeted “Young” Christians. I tweeted that account to tell them their quote – “[Christians] Do Not Need To Get Married To Live A Full And Flourishing Existence” applies equally to older Christians as well.

    I find it irritating that frequently, when commentary about marriage comes up on Christian sites, nine times out of ten, it addresses singles who are in their 20s, or at least younger than age 35. There are adults singles who are over the age of 35, and I am sick and tired of this group being ignored.

    My second point of contention is the headline itself as it appears on the Post’s page:

    • Jefferson Bethke to Christian Singles: Don’t Make Marriage an Idol

    Normally when I link to other people’s blog posts or to news articles, I like to keep the original headline intact, or as close to the original as I can. In this case, I opted to change it as it appears in the heading on my blog. I find that headline as it appears on The Post to be problematic and troubling, because it seems to imply that a single adult wanting to get married is idolatry itself.

    That is not so. Merely wanting something it not necessarily tantamount to making whatever that ‘something’ is into an idol.

    Too often, Christians shame single adults for wanting to be married – stop it.Stop doing that. There is nothing wrong with a single adult wanting to be married or experiencing episodic bouts of unhappiness or frustration with being single when they’d prefer to be married.

    Secondly, it’s generally not adult singles who make marriage into an idol, but churches, church culture, and 95% of married Christians.

    Often times, married Christians make marriage out to be God’s intended purpose for most people, and they behave as though singleness is “second class,” a mistake, a bad thing, or a disease to be cured.

    Would yours truly writing this post like to be married? Yes. However, this does not mean I take kindly to either being ignored due to my single status or treated as though I am not worthy, good, or worthwhile because I am single. (Please see this post on my blog for more on that.)

    Here is the link to the Christian Post editorial (I changed the headline in my link to something less grating)  what he says in this interview / editorial applies to singles of all ages, not just “young Christians”:

    (Link): Bethke: “Christians Do Not Need To Get Married To Live A Full And Flourishing Existence”

    • Young Christians should understand that being single is acceptable within the church, and they should avoid an idolatrous worship of marriage, evangelical speaker Jefferson Bethke said in a recent YouTube video.
    • In a brief video on his personal channel, Bethke addressed the idea of singleness, suggesting that often times, the modern church does a poor job of making single Christians feel welcome and accepted.
    • His message, he explains, is directed specifically at church leadership, as he believes churches need to sincerely ask themselves “are we making a space for single people?”
    • “So many times, we do such a bad job of creating a space for singles,” Bethke explains, adding that young Christians “do not need to get married to live a full and flourishing existence.”
    • Bethke notes that while church leadership don’t explicitly say it, singles can feel like “you’re a JV Christian until you get married.”

    Continue reading “Bethke: “Christians Do Not Need To Get Married To Live A Full And Flourishing Existence””

    Household Liturgies (by Jonathan Storment) – Turning Marriage and the Nuclear Family Into Idols

    Household Liturgies (by Jonathan Storment) – Turning Marriage and the Nuclear Family Into Idols

    • PREFACE: my blog stalker, John Morgan, is probably going to take this link I spotted today and share it on his own blog, reference it on his own blog, or visit this other blog to leave a comment there.
    • The guy apparently takes content from my blog without giving me credit, which is not only dishonest or unfair, but it’s hypocritical, because in the past he deemed me untrustworthy for not stating my real name on my blog or posts.
    • If you think I am untrustworthy for using a pen name, or for whatever reason, stop taking any links, content, and ideas from my blog to use on your own blog, or to run over to other sites I link to in order to leave comments there. You are being a huge hypocrite.
    • Please see (Link): this post for more on John Morgan or (Link): this post. Thank you.

    Spotted on scotmcknight’s Twitter (and this is on his Jesus Creed blog):

    (Link): Household Liturgies (by Jonathan Storment)

    Some of what Storment and Smith discuss as seen in this post on Jesus Creed blog was referred to in secular studies such as mentioned here (Link): Greedy Marriages.

    Storment quotes an author named Smith on this page, then inserts his own comments between Smiths’s words, so, depending on whom I am excerpting below, you’re either reading Storment or Smith (if you find this confusing, please click the link above to see the post on the Jesus Creed blog; the formatting there will make it more clear who the writer is):

    Excerpts:

    • By Jonathan Storment
    • ….Smith’s [James K.A. Smith, author of “You Are What You Love”] great strength is being able to connect classic Christian wisdom with his keen insights as a cultural critic.
    • For example, Smith points out that it shouldn’t be surprising to us that family/marriages are falling apart in today’s world. Because we have made them cultural idols, and our practices have formed us into thinking of marriage and the nuclear family as an ultimate.

    Continue reading “Household Liturgies (by Jonathan Storment) – Turning Marriage and the Nuclear Family Into Idols”