Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband

Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband

As I was saying on Twitter, the older I get, and I continue to see such news stories as the one in this post, the happier I feel to be single and celibate.

I cannot believe as I grew up that the evangelical / Baptist / Protestant culture brainwashed everyone to think that being single is “second best” and being chaste over the age of 25 was “impossible” or somehow “not worth it.”

I see so many people who, as teens or adults, are not happy from having sex outside of marriage, or they get married, and they have a sexless marriage, or their spouse abuses them.

You’re ultimately not going to find healing and hope in another person (i.e., a spouse).

This news story should be another sign to Christians who keep peddling false notions about singleness, dating, sex, and marriage that sexual purity is not for singles only.

You have married people out there who think it’s acceptable to work as “sex coaches,” or open their own “only fans” accounts, or to “wife swap” (see links under “Related” below for examples).

Churches need to remind MARRIED people that sexual purity is for them as well. It’s not single adults that are falling into sexual temptations left and right, it’s married couples who are.

I don’t approve of this married woman’s “sex coach” occupation, but no, I sure don’t defend the husband stabbing her to death over it, or for whatever reasons he had.

Note that these are two married people who had a couple of children together. The pro-marriage and pro-have-children Christians and conservatives are wrong to teach (as they do) that getting married and having children will always (or even usually) make people more godly, loving, mature and ethical.

I have many more examples on my blog here that demonstrate that marriage and/or parenthood do NOT make people more ethical, responsible, godly, loving, mature, etc.

(Link): Russian ‘sex coach’ was repeatedly stabbed in the head by her ‘jealous’ husband

Excerpts:

by Will Stewart
Sept 22, 2021

A Russian ‘psychologist and sex coach’ was repeatedly stabbed in the head by her husband who then threw her body from a 130ft-high building.

Rustam Mursalov, 24, confessed to killing his wife Alexandra Mursalova, 25, out of ‘jealousy’, according to reports.

Mursalova, who had two children with personal trainer Mursalov, worked with wealthy clients in St Petersburg.

Continue reading “Russian ‘Sex Coach’ Was Repeatedly Stabbed in the Head by Her ‘Jealous’ Husband”

In San Diego, Porn Star Preaches Message ‘For Sinners By Sinners’ (Practicing Porn Star Active in Her Husband’s Church, Defends Porn)

In San Diego, Porn Star Preaches Message ‘For Sinners By Sinners’ (Practicing Porn Star Active in Her Husband’s Church, Defends Porn) – story via The Roys Report

I’ve been saying at this blog for a good, long while that most churches and Christians stopped teaching or defending the concept of sexual purity years ago.

The church of today does not support “purity culture,” (and has not supported it for many years), contrary to what all the progressive feminists, or ex-Christians who rant against it, on Twitter say.

Many churches want to appear cool, hip, and trendy, in part, I think, to attract people who normally may not want to attend church. One thing they do to appeal to the non-churched is to brazenly advertise “pro sex” type of sermon series.

Churches today, and even many marriage-promoting Christian and “nuclear family” groups, no longer defend celibacy or virginity-until-marriage.

Some churches even hire and utilize known pedophiles to lead their “sexual purity” classes at and during church.
Some Christian couples openly engage in “swinging,” in which they allow their spouse to have sex with the spouse of someone else.
Yet other self professing Christians have been saying for years now that the God of the Bible is supposedly accepting of sex outside of marriage (no, the God of the Bible is not okay with pre-marital, or extra-marital sex).
(Seriously. For examples of this insanity, please see the links at the bottom of this post under “Related Posts.”)

Also, let this following report go to show, that contrary to a lot of assumptions of Baptists and evangelical Christians, married people are not more godly or ethical than single adults.

There has been a long-standing assumption by many Christians that (Link): all single adults are fornicating horn dogs who can’t keep their pants zipped up, but that all married couples are above sexual sin. Not so.

This story also goes to put a huge dent in a lot of the Christian “dating advice” type literature I read when younger, which said if you don’t have a spouse by a certain age, it’s because God is actively with-holding marriage from you, because you’re not “clean” or “godly” enough.

That perverts like the people in the story below are married goes to blow a hole through that teaching. You obviously don’t have to be very godly, or mature, responsible, or a good person to “merit” a spouse.

So far has the contemporary church sunk regarding sexual ethics, we now apparently have a preacher’s wife (with his knowledge and blessing) still working in, on, or for pornographic sites or movies while also working at her husband’s church (if I am understanding the news story correctly) and declaring herself a Christian:

(Link):  In San Diego, Porn Star Preaches Message ‘For Sinners By Sinners’ by Sarah Einselen

Excerpts:

Angela Dela Cruz is a porn star, making a living from an industry widely considered evil and predatory. She’s also a pastor of Living Faith Church, a new church plant in downtown San Diego.

Angela and her husband, Stephen Dela Cruz, launched the church plant this summer, advertising it as “a church for sinners by sinners.” The church website further explains that the church’s leaders are “the biggest sinners, and this is the most non-judgmental church around!”

While the church website doesn’t identify its pastors, the couple has been open on social media about Angela’s involvement in adult entertainment and her role in the church.

Continue reading “In San Diego, Porn Star Preaches Message ‘For Sinners By Sinners’ (Practicing Porn Star Active in Her Husband’s Church, Defends Porn)”

Groom Allegedly Shoots Friend After Wedding Because He Suspected Affair With Wife

Groom Allegedly Shoots Friend After Wedding Because He Suspected Affair With Wife

But Al Mohler, Brad Wilcox, Institute for Family Studies, and other marriage-worshipping entities assure me that marriage makes people more godly, loving, mature, ethical and responsible.

(Link): Louisiana Groom Still in Tuxedo Allegedly Shoots Man He Accused of Affair with Bride

New husband Devin Jones faces several charges, including attempted second-degree murder

A Louisiana man was arrested Saturday on his wedding night after allegedly shooting two people following an argument with his new bride and her male friend, PEOPLE confirms.

Continue reading “Groom Allegedly Shoots Friend After Wedding Because He Suspected Affair With Wife”

‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge by L. Blair

‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge by L. Blair

I am fairly sure I blogged about at least one of these guys a few years ago. Yep, I sure did.

(Link): ‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge

Excerpts:

by L. Blair
July 2021

Joe Burress, the 71-year-old founding pastor of Victory Church in Rochester, New York, also known as the “Fight Church,” has pled guilty to one of two second-degree sexual abuse charges against him three years after his son Paul Burress pleaded guilty to third-degree sexual abuse.

Court documents cited in a recent WHAM report say two teenagers accused Joe Burress of sexually abusing them in separate incidents while they were under the age of 14.

…In March 2018, Paul Burress, who was previously charged with four counts of forcible touching after allegedly groping three women in his Henrietta, New York, home, pleaded guilty to third-degree sexual abuse, a misdemeanor.

Continue reading “‘Fight Church’ Founding Pastor Pleads Guilty to Child Sex Abuse 3 Years After Son Owned Abuse Charge by L. Blair”

Joy Pullman at The Federalist is At It Again: This Time, She’s Promoting ‘Bedroom Evangelism,’ Which is Not Biblical

Joy Pullman at The Federalist is At It Again: This Time, She’s Promoting ‘Bedroom Evangelism,’ Which is Not Biblical

As a moderately conservative individual, I agree with much of the content published at The Federalist, but certainly not all. This is one of those times when no, I don’t agree.

The name Joy Pullman looked familiar to me, and sure enough, a few years ago, I did a post or two criticizing (Link): one of her other articles.

This time, I am disagreeing with this following piece at The Federalist by Joy Pullman;
I will put some excerpts in, and below that, discuss where my areas of disagreement are
(and it’s a super long excerpt – my comments will be way, way below):

(Link): Christianity’s Growth Problem Isn’t Politics, It’s Our Failure To Have And Evangelize Children

Like just about every other Western Christian body, as well as the United States, the SBC is left to squabble over shrinking slices of a dwindling pie.

by Joy Pullman

The New York Times put out a lengthy preview of the Southern Baptist Convention’s top controversies heading into their annual meeting this week in Nashville, Tenn. Members of the nation’s largest evangelical denomination are weighing the future of their religious body amid numerous theological controversies.

Decline Stems From No Babies, Not Being Too Trumpy
The Times reports that one of the SBC’s concerns is “15-year decline” in members, both through potential theological schisms intertwined with politics, such as critical race theory, and through an aging and thus declining membership.

….While the Times makes much of contrasting the SBC’s political conservatism with its forecast of demographically decisive American leftism, it doesn’t note that the SBC’s decline is directly related to following broader American culture, instead of Christian beliefs, on a keystone of institutional vibrancy: fertility.

Continue reading “Joy Pullman at The Federalist is At It Again: This Time, She’s Promoting ‘Bedroom Evangelism,’ Which is Not Biblical”

Mark Driscoll Paid for Honeymoon with Church Funds

Mark Driscoll Paid for Honeymoon with Church Funds

Dear Al Mohler and other marriage-obsessed weenies who keep insulting the state of singleness to promote marriage:

Here’s another example of how being a married person did not make that person more ethical, mature, giving, or godly than someone who is single.

Does doofus Mark Driscoll ever pay off rent or groceries or whatever for single adults, one wonders?

Not that it would be okay to mis-use church funds on that, either.

(Link): Mark Driscoll Paid for Honeymoon with Church Funds; Uses Gift Cards to Pay Interns, Former Members Say

by Julie Roys

….When Pastor Mark Driscoll told Joey Manuele and his fiancée at a staff Christmas party that he’d pay for their honeymoon, Joey Manuele was stunned.

…A couple weeks later, the Manueles received a check for the full amount. But to their surprise, the check wasn’t from Driscoll, but from The Trinity Church.

“I was like, ‘Wait! He never said it was coming from the church!’” Joey Manuele said. “(Driscoll) said ‘me, me,’ like ‘I’m going to give it to you. I want to do this for you.’ And then we get a check from the church . . . So that was a shock.”

…Joey Manuele added that the honeymoon stay wasn’t the only unsolicited gift Driscoll gave him and his wife.

…Manuele, whose entire family was recently kicked out of the church, said he now suspects the gifts were intended to buy his loyalty.
— end article —

In light of news stories like this, and other, similar ones I’ve posted before about married people, including self professing Christians, who behave as un-ethical weasels to out right scum buckets,
I never, ever want Al Mohler or Bradford or other marriage and nuclear family promoters pushing marriage or parenthood by arguing that parenthood and marriage makes people more mature, godly, responsible, ethical, etc, when clearly, that is NOT the case.


Related Posts:

(Link): Placing One’s Marriage Ahead of The Church – Preacher (i.e., Mark Driscoll) Used Prioritizing and Rebuilding His Marriage as Rationale for Bullying His Church Members

(Link): More Anti-Singleness Bias From Southern Baptist Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

(Link): The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

(Link): Preacher Mark Driscoll Basically Says No, Single Christian Males Cannot or Should Not Serve as Preachers / in Leadership Positions – Attempts to Justify Unbiblical, Anti Singleness Christian Bias

(Link): Adult Singleness and Virginity Ridiculed by Preacher Mark Driscoll from 2000 – and anti Homosexual and Sexist Rhetoric ( Re Driscoll Rant known as Pussified Nation )

(Link): Pervy Preacher from Seattle who teaches men “to objectify women, by his over emphasis of sexualization of women and subservience” (Re Driscoll)

Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography

Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography

No, the “equally yoked” rule so many Christians like to cram down the throats of singles is of no import – another example further below in this post.

There are a lot of men out there, who appear to be genuine Christians (whether they are actually Christian or not is immaterial to single Christian women who find them on dating sites and so on), who are actually great big perverts.

It would be better for a single Christian woman who desires marriage to marry a loving, non-perverted atheist (or Hindu or Druid or whatever)
than to marry an abusive or perverted man who believes in, and who confesses, Jesus as his savior, and who regularly attends church and does all the other things that appear to be the marks of an actual Christian to most other believers.

Disclaimer for the annoying female Christians who like to bray on my blog when I mention all this:
“But what about all the bad atheist men out there??!! Don’t tell me that all non-Christian men are wonderful!”

I am well aware of the fact that Non-Christian men can be pigs and horrible, too.

My view does not have to contain the premise that ALL atheists and other flavors of Non-Christians are angelic and marriage-material. That is not my belief nor my point.

My point is that one limiting one’s self to any one group of men based on religious criteria (whether Mormon only, Christian only, atheist only, ‘whatever’ only) is needlessly limiting one’s dating pool.

Let this also be a lesson that contra to what so many Christians teach about dating and marriage, that one does not have to be perfect in any way to “deserve” a spouse, or to be “worthy” of a spouse.

If God is permitting deviants like the sicko in the news story below to become engaged to be married – a nasty ass pedophile of all things! – there’s absolutely no reason to adhere to a false theology that God has special, stricter rules for “permitting” a non-pedophile adult single to become engaged.

I mean, please! As though God is more lax and forgiving towards a child- diddler than a normal person? Get bent.

But so much of the Christian dating advice, the “how to get married” advice I saw and heard from Christians (in person or read in books or on blogs) is predicated on this faulty type of thinking.

There are a lot of hurtful, false, and stupid things Christians teach and believe about singleness, dating, and marriage.

(Link): NOBTS student dismissed after arrest on child pornography charges

NEW ORLEANS (BP) – A student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary (NOBTS) was arrested today (May 13) on child pornography charges. Andrew Shiira was being held at the Orleans Parish Prison on 10 counts of pornography involving juveniles.

(Link): Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography

by L. Blair,
May 2021

Andrew Shiira, once the director of worship planning at Lake Shore Church, was getting ready to graduate from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary on Saturday.

A few months later in November, he was expected to move on to wedded bliss with his fiancée, but his life was upended Thursday when he was arrested on 10 counts of child pornography.

Continue reading “Church Director, Seminary Student Set to Wed in November Arrested for Child Pornography”

Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

I don’t even know where to start with this story (see headline further below).

Too many Christians revere motherhood to the point they marginalize and shame any woman who has never had children (for whatever reason, whether from choice or by circumstance).

Additionally, a lot of hyper- pro- marriage conservatives, both secular and Christian, idolize marriage, and in the process, they sometimes shame singles for being single and say all sorts of insulting things about single and childless adults.

Both secular and conservative Christians who push marriage and natalism way too much often like to say that being married and being a parent are necessary states to make a person godly, more loving, ethical, and responsible.

They assume and like to spread the disinformation that all single adults are irresponsible, immature, immoral, or selfish.

So how funny it is to see news headlines below, which put a lie to those conservative stereotypes about marital or parental status.

(Not that I find it funny that the woman was stabbed; I sure don’t find that part of this amusing. I just mean to say that in light of the many news stories of (Link):  married people or (Link): parents who rape, kill, steal, or murder that one would think that Christians and secular conservative pro-family groups would stop promoting marriage and parenthood as “cures” for people or for the culture)

(Link): Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair

Excerpts:

May 2021

A Texas mother was repeatedly stabbed in a “brutal attack” by her husband during an argument over attending church on Mother’s Day and he is now on the lam, police say.

In a statement released Monday, the Nacogdoches County Sheriff’s Office said they are now seeking help from the public in apprehending the woman’s husband, 43-year-old Rodolfo Madera Gonzalez, for aggravated assault with a weapon–family violence, which is a first-degree felony.

Continue reading “Man Stabs Wife in ‘Brutal Attack’ in Argument Over Attending Church on Mother’s Day by L. Blair”

Married Father, Who Works As Church Worship Director, Solicited Nude Photos from Teen Boy

Married Father, Who Works As Church Worship Director, Solicited Nude Photos from Teen Boy

The article mentions that this guy is a “married father.”

My obligatory reminder, to rebut the oft-repeated pro-marriage, pro-Nuclear Family propaganda spread by secular and Christian conservatives: marriage, parenthood, and the nuclear family are not “fix alls” for culture, nor does being a parent, a spouse, or being in a nuclear family bestow character, ethics, compassion, or maturity in a person.

I have so (Link): many examples on this blog; this is yet another one.

(Link):  Menlo Church reveals fired worship director solicited nude photos from teenager

Excerpts:

by Leonardo Blair, April 26, 2021

One month after announcing the firing of Mountain View campus worship director Michael Bryce Jr. for “inappropriate behavior online” years ago, Menlo Church in California has confirmed that behavior was the solicitation of nude photos from a teenager.

In a recent update to the congregation on Bryce’s March 19 firing, the church’s transitional Pastor John Crosby and elder board chair David Kim said they could share further details on the circumstances surrounding Bryce’s firing because the police investigation has been completed. No criminal charges were filed.

Continue reading “Married Father, Who Works As Church Worship Director, Solicited Nude Photos from Teen Boy”

Bride-to-Be Sparks Uproar with ‘Vile’ Wedding Date Selection:  ‘A Self-Centered Monster’

Bride-to-Be Sparks Uproar with ‘Vile’ Wedding Date Selection:  ‘A Self-Centered Monster’

And many secular conservatives and Christians like to teach that marriage makes people more godly, loving, self-less, and mature – no, it sure does not. Here’s another example.

(Link): Bride-to-be sparks uproar with ‘vile’ wedding date selection: ‘A self-centered monster’

by Emerald Pellot

Fri, April 23, 2021, 2:22 PM
….A woman doesn’t understand why her friend planned her wedding on the seventh anniversary of her family’s death.

She explained why she doesn’t want to attend the wedding on Reddit’s “Am I the A******” forum. She lost her husband, daughter and mother in a car accident. Every year, she visits their graves on the anniversary of their deaths.

But this year, her good friend planned her wedding on the anniversary and forbade her from visiting her family at the cemetery instead.

Continue reading “Bride-to-Be Sparks Uproar with ‘Vile’ Wedding Date Selection:  ‘A Self-Centered Monster’”

Wife Wakes Up and Stabs Husband After Dreaming He Cheated, Police Say

Wife Wakes Up and Stabs Husband After Dreaming He Cheated, Police Say

(Link): This Mississippi lady had a dream that her husband cheated on her. So she got up, got a knife from the kitchen, and shanked him while he slept! 😳 

(Link): Wife Wakes Up and Stabs Husband After Dreaming He Cheated, Police Say

by T. Kenney
Dec 31, 2020

A woman attacked her sleeping husband with a knife after dreaming he had been unfaithful, Mississippi authorities say.

Continue reading “Wife Wakes Up and Stabs Husband After Dreaming He Cheated, Police Say”