Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower
So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.
How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!
Man Accidentally Burns His Wife’s Face Off, So He Divorces Her
The way this article reads, this man accidentally lit his wife’s face on fire – the dumb ass used a can of gas to pour on some camp fire flames to reignite the fire – and after she was hospitalized and came out disfigured, he left her.
What a dick he is.
I’ve heard this is pretty common – that often, in a marriage, if the wife becomes sick in some way, say she gets cancer or what not – most men will divorce the wife.
Most men do not want to act as caretaker to a sick spouse, because unlike women, men are raised and coddled in our society to be selfish (they expect women to wait on them, and dog knows that complementarian Christians in particular really promote this sick teaching), where-as we ladies are raised from the time we are kids to always put ourselves last and to cater to the needs of others no matter what.
I wish this lady well. She seems like she is doing better now.
I don’t want Christians telling me any more – or members of conservative think tanks who publish “studies” on marriage – that marriage makes people or culture better – because it does not.
Marriage does not make people less selfish, more loving, or more responsible – it sure as hell did not cause the man in this story to stand by his wife, even after he set her on fire and she was in enormous physical pain (and I’d imagine mental pain as well) for weeks or months.
Anyway, if I am grasping this correctly, this douche nozzle dumped his wife because she was disfigured because he accidentally set her on fire. He left her over something he was responsible for doing, incredible.
by C Keating
It’s been almost three years since Courtney Waldon suffered third- and fourth-degree burns over her entire body from a campfire accident at her Georgia home. Now, she says, life couldn’t be better.
The Incredibly Condescending and Presumptive Singles-Shaming Posts of Gladys Wisener
In my few years of writing on this blog, I am still sometimes amazed at the comments I get, especially the remarks I get from the most innocuous of posts.
Never would I have imagined that linking to some article about a 105 year old woman who says she is happy and still alive at 105 because she has never bothered with men would induce someone to come on to my blog to leave me nasty and presumptive comments, but that is what happened.
This married woman named Gladys Wisener stopped by this blog recently, and she engaged in some singles-shaming under (Link): that post about a 105 year old single woman.
When Gladys began saying or assuming some weird, offensive, negative, or insulting things about me, and I understandably got irate and offended in response to her attitude and comments, and I let her know, she replies by telling me I sound “bitter.”
Because that’s what entitled married cows such as her do – they assume if you have a legitimate complaint against their obnoxious- married- people- attitudes and- presumptive- assumptions about you, they assume it can only come from a place of… wait for it… yes, that’s right, it must be due to bitterness.
And the unspoken assumption is that you, you single woman, must be bitter because you’re single and don’t have a husband.
In their thinking, bitterness could be the only possible reason you are correcting a married woman on your blog about singleness for being obnoxious.
Your anger cannot possibly be due to the married person’s hideous, insulting comments to you or about you or about singleness, no, it must be because you are not married!
If only you were married or in a steady relationship, you would not take umbrage at the married person’s condescending comments about you or your blog – married or engaged people would love to be on the receiving end of your lousy assumptions and comments and take them so well.
My Fiancé Postponed our Wedding, Secretly Bought a House—and Told me I Could Pay Rent By Quentin Fottrell
What a jerk-face loser.
(Link): My fiancé postponed our wedding, secretly bought a house—and told me I could pay rent By Quentin Fottrell
They were due to get married on April 18, but he delayed the wedding and bought a house instead
I have never been married or bought a home before. The guy I am with said we would marry on April 18.
He then decided to delay and buy a foreclosure and told me this all on April 16.
I was shocked, to say the least. He owns a home already and said that he did not plan to put me on the mortgage or deed even after we were married. I, again, was in shock. He said I could just pay some of the bills and “rent” to him.
When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Sexual Desires by S. Gregoire
This belies the usual Christian commentary that if a person just reserves sex for marriage, that the marriage will be great, frequent, etc. The truth is I regularly see letters to editors by married women who are dissatisfied with their husband’s sexual performance in the bedroom. Another example:
(Link): When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Sexual Desires by S. Gregoire
What do you do if your husband isn’t interested in hearing your sexual fantasies or desires–let alone acting on them?
…In a healthy marriage, spouses care about the other person’s pleasure and desires.
…When we make sex only about one person’s experience, though, then we’re totally erasing what God said sex was for. Sex is not just about meeting a man’s sexual needs; sex is about helping both of you feel super close.
So why do so many people seem to only focus on their own sexual needs?
Some people think that their experience of sex is the only right one
It may not be that they’re entirely selfish. It may honestly be that they don’t understand how their spouse works sexually.
Woman Says She is Lonely in Marriage to Husband Who Ignores Her in Favor of His Job, Watching TV, etc.
A woman named San wrote to Christian program “The 700 Club” to say she’s in a marriage where her husband is ignoring her in favor of TV shows and his job and so forth. Pat Robertson’s son Gordon answered her letter.
Here is her letter to The 700 Club:
I have been very lonely in my marriage.
My husband’s priorities fall in this order: work, television, and then his phone. I have brought it to his attention so many times. I find myself only relying on God and Him being my true friend but I am still lonely.
Yes, I have God to turn to and I talk to God all day, every day, but it would be nice to have a husband in my life who I can truly share my life with. What should I do?
I didn’t completely agree with the host’s answer.
Self-Absorbed Man Hi-Jacks Wedding Ceremony
There goes the stereotypical evangelical Christian propaganda that the reason you’re still single past the age of 30 is because you’re still too (insert one or more: selfish, immoral, irresponsible, immature, ugly) to get a spouse, and God won’t send you one ’til you get your stuff together.
Forget that. The idiot in this following story was proposing marriage to someone…
The Internet is (Link): straight-up livid about this egregious wedding etiquette offense, and you will be too.
A recent bride wrote in to (Link): Slate’s advice columnist Dear Prudence (a.k.a. Mallory Ortberg) about “John” ― her huband’s best friend, best man, and wedding officiant ― who had the audacity to propose to his longtime girlfriend and announce their pregnancy DURING the ceremony.
On top of that, “John” ― not his real name ― found other ways to make the rest of the day about him and his fiancée “Jane.” The bride explained:
Pastor, Wife Face Prison After Pleading Guilty to Stealing Thousands From Summer Food Program
As you can see from this news story, these people were not godly before they married and marriage did not make them godly or more ethical.
God allows jerks and dishonest people to get married all the time.
God does not expect anyone to become more mature, godly, or up-standing before he will send them a spouse. Jerks and losers get married all the time.
Most Christians deny this and tell Christians, “the reason you are still single is God is still preparing you or cleaning you up before he will allow marriage into your life.” If that were true, we would not see dishonest people like the ones in this story get spouses, now would we?
Robbie Wilkerson, the founding pastor of New Birth Christian Center church in Chicago, Illinois, and his wife, Tasha, are both set to spend some time in prison along with three of their associates after they plead guilty to defrauding a summer food program for low-income children on Tuesday.
The U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Central District of Illinois announced in a press release that Pastor Wilkerson pled guilty to wire fraud and money laundering while his wife pled guilty to theft of government funds.
Wilkerson, his wife and associates were indicted in 2015 for embezzling approximately $450,000 they received to operate the 2010 Summer Food Service Program. The embezzled amount was more than one-half of the funding for the program.
Society Has It Wrong: Married People Shouldn’t Get Benefits That Single People Do Not by V. Larson
…Except for one thing: single people still don’t have access to the legal benefits and protections the government grants to those who get married.
….Spouses in the US can pass on Medicare, as well as Social Security, disability, and veterans and military benefits. They can get health insurance through a spouse’s employer; receive discounted rates for homeowners’, auto, and other types of insurance; make medical decisions for each other as well as funeral arrangements; and take family leave to care for an ill spouse, or bereavement leave if a spouse dies.
These privileges are unavailable to the unmarried in the US, yet most single people would benefit if they were.
‘Deadly Wives’ Reality TV Series – ‘Very Devoted Christian’ Woman Who Held Bible Studies Drowned Her Husband in a Pool of Hydrochloric Acid
As I’ve said many times on this blog, there are times I am glad I have never married. After watching this show a few times, I definitely feel that way.
Here is a link or two about the show:
(Link): Deadly Wives: Acid Lady
(Link): Deadly Wives
(Link): Deadly Wives TV Show
I caught a couple of episodes the other day on LIFEtime channel or whatever it’s called of a reality series called “Deadly Wives.”
Usually, it seems abuse and crimes in marriages are male- on- female, but in this show…
It’s a show about women who murder their husbands, female- on- male violence.
The first episode I saw was about a woman who killed her husband by giving him horse tranq via drops in his mouth from a Visine bottle, then she buried him in a vineyard.
The second episode I saw disturbed me far more than the first.
It was about a woman named Larissa, a chemist, who was married to Tim. She knocked Tim out with chloroform, and when he was only partially knocked out (he may have still been alive), she had a male accomplice named James stuff Tim into a large, blue barrel, where upon she dumped about four gallons of Hydrochloric acid on him.
Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison
(Link): Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison
My comments about this subject, before copying some excerpts from the link above:
Another form of Male Entitlement: expecting the women around you to cheer you up, listen empathetically as you tell them about your problems. (Though other women can also be guilty of this at times, as I wrote of (Link): here).
In a (Link): much older post I wrote, where I linked to and excerpted an article from elsewhere, some guy in the article admitted that when he went to a local bar after a day at work, he enjoyed the female bartender more than the male ones, because any time he tried to talk about his problems (and receive empathy for his problems) from the males, the male bartenders would tell him to shut up and get over it.
However, when the lady bartender was on duty, she would listen to him and offer sympathy, he said. He relied on and appreciated her willingness to listen and respond with empathy.
My ex-fiance talked non-stop (as I wrote of (Link): here). He always wanted me to listen to him talk about his life, he never cared about mine, and he never asked about my views on anything. My ex expected me to stroke his ego and cheer him up in his ups and downs in life – but he was unwilling to do this for me.
My ex college friend made my mother’s death (Link): all about himself when I sent him notice of my mother’s passing. He talked about himself in his reply to me, instead of just doing what he should have and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”. This ex friend making everything about himself was a pattern for him.
Even before my mother died, my ex college friend would e-mail me and talk about himself – he would ask me a question or two about me, but when I would write back commenting on HIS life – as well as responding to his questions about my life – he would never comment on my replies ABOUT ME.
I got the feeling he was asking about me only out of a sense of politeness. I don’t think he really cared about me or what I was up to or what I was thinking.
While some women can be very self absorbed and can be emotional vampires (I’ve been friends with a few and am related to one), I think at least most women are aware that they’re doing this to another women (and women tend to be aware of how it can be draining to be someone’s emotional support), but men seem to have a blind spot in this area.
Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit
This article says that this guy is married (or was at one point; I have no idea if he’s still married to his wife or not).
Christians often think that married people are more sexually pure and moral than adult singles – they will often refuse to allow adult singles to serve in leadership positions in churches, one reason being, they assume that the single will “hit on” or start affairs with other people.
But if you will notice, the majority of news stories about Christians who are involved in affairs or looking at child porn and what have you, are MARRIED persons, NOT singles.
Which is not to say there are not self-professing Christian singles who aren’t sexually sinning, because there sure as heck are, but I’m so tired of this Christian stereotype that married people are as pure as the freshly driven snow, while we singles are supposedly a bunch of over-sexed horn dogs.
I myself am over the age of 40, and I am celibate. I am more sexually up-right than a lot of Christian married people. So Christians who harbor these stereotypes about singles being Jezebel harlots and married people being sexually pure can kiss my butt.
By the way, does the “be equally yoked” rule Christians apply to marriage REALLY MATTER when the “Christian” husband ends up cheating on his wife by using pornography or prostitutes or he has a mistress?
Does this example REALLY up-hold the Christian teaching that God expects a person to be mature or godly before he will permit him or her to have a spouse? No, it does not.
If God expected people to be totally moral, ethical, mature, and godly before allowing them to have a spouse, the idiot in this news story would still be single – but he’s not. He has a wife (or did. I am not clear if the wife is still with him or not).
Newlywed Husband Divorces His Wife Hours After the Ceremony Because She Was Too Busy Texting Her Friends to Have Sex on Their Wedding Night
I was just remarking on my Twitter account about this that a lot of Christians, during sexual purity lectures, will promise people that if they abstain from sex until they marry that married sex will be regular and great.
Then you see news stories like this….
I was engaged while in my early 30s. The doofus to whom I was engaged did not meet any of my needs – not emotional or otherwise (I blogged about that a bit more (Link): here). It got to the point I found watching TV preferable to the ex’s company. I got more happiness and meaning watching TV, reading books, or what have you, than from him.
I recall reading a letter to Dear Abby or Ask Amy a few years ago (I might have posted this to this blog) from a husband who was perturbed that his wife spent all her time playing Farmville on Facebook rather than with him, and she seemed to prefer that to spending time with him.
Can I tell you, if you are a married guy, and your wife seems more interested in being online, or engaging in some other hobby to spending time with you, it’s more than likely due to the fact that she does not think you or your relationship is bad enough to leave, but she has to find other outlets to get her needs met because you are not meeting them.
Here are excerpts from
A husband divorced his wife hours after their wedding because she was too busy texting her friends to consummate the marriage.
The groom took his Saudi bride back to their hotel room after the ceremony in the city of Jeddah.
But when he tried to get intimate with her, he was pushed away by his wife because she was trying to respond to congratulatory messages from friends on her phone.
She became angry when he asked her to stop.
A relative told Saudi daily Al Watan: ‘The groom tried to get closer with her and more intimate, but he was shocked when she ignored him, not responding to his words and action.
‘When he asked her if her friends were more important than he was, the bride answered that they were.’
The argument became heated and the groom stormed out of the hotel, telling his wife that he wanted a divorce.
Gulf News, which cited Al Watan, reported that a court had referred the case to a reconciliation committee, but the husband insisted on a divorce.
(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles
(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages
Household Liturgies (by Jonathan Storment) – Turning Marriage and the Nuclear Family Into Idols
Spotted on scotmcknight’s Twitter (and this is on his Jesus Creed blog):
Some of what Storment and Smith discuss as seen in this post on Jesus Creed blog was referred to in secular studies such as mentioned here (Link): Greedy Marriages.
Storment quotes an author named Smith on this page, then inserts his own comments between Smiths’s words, so, depending on whom I am excerpting below, you’re either reading Storment or Smith (if you find this confusing, please click the link above to see the post on the Jesus Creed blog; the formatting there will make it more clear who the writer is):
Eight Ways to Rethink the Conversation About Singleness by K. Kreminski
This blog post by Kreminski about singleness (link and excerpt much farther below) hits on several points I’ve been raising on my own blog for the last 3 or 4 years:
Christians are already too marriage focused, and in their defensive posture of saving culture and marriage from what they perceive as threats (such as homosexual marriage and liberalism), they hype marriage to the exclusion of singleness.
Some conservatives and Christians go so far as to denigrate singleness in order to extol marriage, something the Bible never does. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7 it is better to stay single than marry, and that marriage does nothing but bring people problems in life.
I have also noted on my blog many times before that the demographics in our nation (and others) have shifted with more people staying single over their lifetimes, or, if they marry, they are marrying at much older ages than they used to. Most conservative expressions of Christianity, however, continue to cater to married couples.
Out of the Christians who do notice this demographic shift, they shame singles for being singles and promote something called “early marriage.” These Christians shame and scold Christians to get married, rather than just accept them in their single status.
In previous blog posts, I have also discussed what I termed “Married People Privilege.” Married people, especially ones with children, like to think that their lives are ten times more difficult than that of childless singles.
Francis Chan Challenges Christians: Stop Idolizing Family, Put Christ’s Mission First
Yep. Christians idolize the family. I’ve been blogging about that for a few years now.
Baptist Preacher Hires His Mistress To Set His Wife On Fire
This news story is another indicator of how the Christian “equally yoked” teaching is bunk: I’d rather marry an Atheist guy who would NOT burn me alive than marry (and be “equally yoked” to) a Christian preacher who would hire his MISTRESS to set me on fire.
(This article says this MARRIED Christian also stole money from his elderly mother. What a P.O.S.)
Also note how being married does NOT, contra what Christians teach, make a person more loving, responsible, godly, or mature.
And why is a 33 year old woman having an affair with a 71 year old man? GROSS.
(Yes, it’s (Link): totally gross). I guess she was just using him for his money – this article says he bought her a new car and paid her bills.
You quite obviously do not have to be godly or perfect to merit a spouse, as this jerk creep guy was married. (A lot of Christians teach that you have to earn a spouse by being a good person or by being godly or by being more “whatever.”)
That so many losers, deviants, and creeps get spouses, (even so many losers who profess belief in Christ), it goes to show that no, you do not have to achieve some level of perfection or godliness before God will send you a spouse.
Also note that both cheaters in this story are MARRIED. Christians often depict un -married women as being harlots who set out to bed married men (usually, though not always, this is done under the “Billy Graham Rule”), when in fact, it’s usually married people who have affairs with other married people.
How mind-blowing is married Christian sex (something that Christian assert) that this married Christian man was apparently seeking nooky with another woman (I presume he was boinking the other lady)?
Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship (March 2016) / Why Do Christians Not Have a RBGR – Reverse Billy Graham Rule?
Here is a story of a male preacher who allegedly cheated on his wife, possibly more than once, if the new report is true (links farther below). It makes me wonder: do Christians not have a Reverse Billy Graham Rule?
Normally, Christians adhere to this sexist idea that single women are sexual sex pots, temptresses, who will try to bed a man, especially if he is married.
Yet, I never hear these same Christians issue a “Beware of Christian Married Men Who Will Try to Sleep with Women” rule or advisement to single – or married – women.
Think about it. Married Christian men, including men who work as preachers, have sex with women they are not married to (see more examples (Link): here). Some of these married pastors who commit adultery will cheat not only with single women, but with women who are married to other men.
Yet – I never really hear of Christian women who insist on taking a chaperone with them when meeting any and all men, whether in public or in private.
I don’t hear Christian women insisting that an office door must stay open when they meet with any or all men, all due to the percentage of slime ball married male pastors who do in fact take advantage of women.
I don’t see, in other words, most Christian women treating all Christian men as potential rapists or as sexual temptresses, but Christian culture sure does treat women in this manner:
However, it’s not women taking advantage of married men in the majority of these news stories, it’s quite the opposite.
Yet, there is no Reverse Billy Graham Rule in place to protect women from men.
I am not arguing in favor of a Reverse Billy Graham Rule, you understand, merely pointing out the sexist double standard held by Christians on this issue.
Preacher Tullian Tchividjian Possibly Involved in Another Inappropriate Sexual Relationship
This post is an update to this older one on my blog:
According to reports at Warren Throckmorton’s blog, Tchividjian may have been involved in yet another inappropriate sexual relationship with another woman.
You can read more about it here:
The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage – Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged. by N. Rodgers
The following editorial is from a progressive (left wing) site. I agree with much of what this editorial says, though not all of it.
(Link): The Case Against ‘Saving’ Marriage by N. Rodgers
Married Nuclear Families Are the Gold Standard Against Which We Are All Judged.
Marriage rates have been declining for more than half a century and single women now outnumber married ones. There are few guides better at navigating this new landscape than Rebecca Traister.
In a recent New York Magazine (Link): article, adapted from her soon-to-be-released book All the Single Ladies, she offers an insightful, nuanced analysis of the plight and power of unmarried women “taking up space in a world that was not designed for them.”
Traister argues that the current democratic policy platform may be more liberal than it has been in a generation in response to the growth of unmarried women. It’s about time. Public policy has lagged almost criminally behind in meeting the needs of single women, and especially single mothers, for decades.
But while a policy platform that stands to benefit unmarried women and mothers is necessary, it is not sufficient. There is no substitute for identity politics. Part of why the U.S. still has such inadequate public policies is the fear of publicly supporting families that conservatives have already convinced us are unequivocally bad, subpar alternatives to the married nuclear variety, especially “single mother” homes.
Christian Radio Host Busted for Slapping Woman’s ‘Butt Cheek’ Inside Target Restroom – And How This Conflicts With Preacher Doug Wilson’s Propriety of Rape Commentary
First, here is a link to the news story with some excerpts, followed by some observations by me:
(Link): Christian Radio Host Busted for Slapping Woman’s ‘Butt Cheek’ Inside Target Restroom by B P Markus
Before I tie this in with pastor Doug Wilson (much farther below), I wanted to reiterate a few points I normally make about such stories when I post them.
I don’t know if this Howington guy is married or not, or a father. If he is either one or both, I can tell you this is another example of how being married or a parent are not indicators of maturity or godliness, as many Christians say they are. Nor is being married a guarantee a man is not going to pull sexual shenanigans on people who aren’t his wife.
Married people also sexually sin at times. Sexual sin is not the lone province of single adults.
Not only am I, a never married adult not having sex (I have chosen to stay celibate so far into my life), but I don’t go around doing things like slapping other people on their butts.