Single Woman Who Plans Ahead Refuses to Change Airplane Seats So that Couples and Families Can Sit Together

Single Woman Who Plans Ahead Refuses to Change Airplane Seats So that Couples and Families Can Sit Together

I don’t blame her.

By the way. Marriage and parenthood do not make people more responsible, godly, loving, or ethical. Some married people are very entitled.

(Link): I absolutely REFUSE to switch my airline seat to help families and couples sit together – even when they start yelling, says single traveler JACI STEPHEN in a hilarious confession. So, do YOU sympathize with her?

August 25, 2022
By Jaci Stephen

Every summer, it happens: a family who hasn’t had the nous to book seats together on a plane asks a single passenger to move, in order to accommodate them.

This week, it’s Irish model and mother-of-three Vogue Williams, who publicly berated a fellow passenger for not wishing to give up his aisle seat and move to the window so that she could sit with her family. She was flying to London from Gibraltar, for goodness sake.

It’s a three-hour flight. Read a magazine. Order Duty Free. It’s not his fault that you’re so disorganized you can’t read a plane seat map.

I travel a lot. I have very specific seats I always choose (ask Virgin Atlantic; if I can’t get 8A, I’ll change planes). I like an aisle seat when traveling domestically because I need to use the rest room a lot.

I like to be at the front because I don’t like crowds and invariably need to disembark quickly. I spend weeks, sometimes months, making sure I have my favorite seat.

But I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been singled out as a single woman on her own and asked to change my seat. I suspect it’s because people think we’re going to be the softest touch. Wrong.

Continue reading “Single Woman Who Plans Ahead Refuses to Change Airplane Seats So that Couples and Families Can Sit Together”

Thoughts Regarding the Essay “Married or single, everyone is greedy,” by Esther Wickham, An Essay Which Misrepresents Adult Singles

Thoughts Regarding the Essay “Married or single, everyone is greedy,” by Esther Wickham, An Essay Which Misrepresents Adult Singles

Here is a link to the piece:

(Link): Married or single, everyone is greedy by Esther Wickham

Already, I have to object to the headline alone.

The author, Wickham, acknowledges within the essay that (Link): studies that show that married people are more likely to be selfish than adult singles, to not do things like volunteer at charities or help others, than are single adults.

Studies Show That It’s Married Persons, Not Singles, Who are Self Absorbed

Yet, Wickham tries to depict single adults as being “greedy” too.

No, I’m sorry, no. Studies show the opposite.

This isn’t to say that every single adult single is giving and self-less, but as a group, studies have shown that no, singles, as a group, are not “greedy.”

Conservatives: Old Strategy to Promote Marriage By Depicting Single Adults as Being Selfish, Greedy, or Maladjusted

Also, for decades now, it’s been a staple in conservative Christian circles, in various denominations, that all tend to be “hyper-” pro- marriage and “hyper” pro- nuclear family, to bolster the case for marriage by bashing singleness, and this has increased in the last several years, as marriage rates are on the decline.

Christians (and many conservative think tanks that are hyper pro-nuclear family and pro-marriage) think the way to “sell” and to market marriage to single adults is to make single adults think that singleness is terrible, singleness is greedy and selfishness, and that (Link): singles will supposedly be happier and healthier if they just hurry up and marry already.

(I happen to be a conservative myself, and I am not opposed to marriage or to parenthood, but I am in opposition to these essays by conservatives that bash singleness or single adults, or that exaggerate the benefits of marriage and the nuclear family.)

So one way many conservatives, both secular and Christian, tend to try to pressure or convince singles to marry, or to defend marriage itself, is to portray adult singles as being “selfish,” defective, immature, or as (Link): “ugly losers”.

See Also:

(Link): Authors at The Federalist Keep Bashing Singleness in the Service of Promoting Marriage – Which Is Not Okay

(Link):  Preacher Says in Sermon that Single Men Who Play Video Games Are Losers Who Have Retarded Spirits and This Creates Dating Problems for Women

Secular and  Christian conservatives also play the same game with childfree or childless people, women in particular:

Women who are single and/or childless past the age of 25 are often falsely portrayed by conservatives as intentionally choosing to be single and childless (when the reality is, plenty would’ve like to have been married but couldn’t meet an eligible mate), and are further inaccurately depicted in Christian blogs, radio shows, and so on as hating all men, hating babies, or as having chosen career over marriage.

Al Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has gone so far as (Link): to shame single Christian women for being single off and on over the years, in various blog posts or speaking engagements he’s given, and (Link): has suggested that childless adults are not “fully human.”

Gender Imbalance In Conservative Religious Circles Keeps Women Single

A big reason why a lot of religious women remain single into their 30s and older is that there has been a gender imbalance going on for decades now: there are more single women than single men in many houses of worship.

That is, there are plenty of single women who’d like to marry, but there are no compatible single men for them to marry. They’re not all deliberately choosing to opt out of marriage.

More here:

(Link):  What Two Religions Tell Us About the Modern Dating Crisis (from TIME) (ie, Why Are Conservative Religious Women Not Marrying Even Though They Want to Be Married. Hint: It’s a Demographics Issue) 

(Link): It’s Not Your Imagination, Single Women: There Literally Aren’t Enough Men Out There – Re: Man Shortage – Follow Up Interview 

(Link): Some Adult Singles Have No Choice But to Delay Marriage Because They Are Too Busy Acting As Caretakers to Elderly Family

(Link): Married to the Job: How a Long-Hours Working Culture Keeps People Single and Lonely by S. Jaffee

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30

(Link):  How the Dating Scene Became Stacked Against Women– via CT, by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

I have articles and studies on this blog explaining that there has been a gender imbalance among Mormons and conservative Jews for years now, and this is also the case for conservative Christians.

Some Christians have been waking up to the fact that many Christian single women who’d like to marry aren’t marrying due to lack of suitable male partners,
so we get idiot Christian sociologists such as Mark Regnerus arguing in his articles that Christian women should lower their mate selection criteria:
he actually says if a Christian single woman is opposed to marrying a known pornography addict, that she should ditch that criteria and go ahead and marry a known porn addict.

More on that here:

(Link):  Male Christian Researcher Mark Regnerus Believes Single Christian Women Should Marry Male Christian Porn Addicts – another Christian betrayal of sexual ethics and more evidence of Christians who do make an idol out of marriage

The Christians who are aware of the lack of potential male mates for single women are actually asking Christian women to abandon Christian sexual ethics or their own personal convictions, all to get married to a man, any man will do, so desperate are these Christian pundits to guilt trip and pressure women into marrying because marriage rates have fallen. It’s disgusting.

The Christian ‘Equally Yoked’ Rule and “Just Have Faith and Wait” Advice Keeps Christian Single Women Single Indefinitely

Christian women especially are brainwashed by evangelical and Baptist Christian sermons and Christian literature to believe in something called the “equally yoked rule,” which states that a Christian single adult should only marry another Christian.

I was raised Southern Baptist (Christian), and I definitely was taught the “equally yoked” rule in dating and marriage sermons and Christian dating advice books when younger.

I was also taught by Christians to expect that if I prayed and trusted God to send me a husband, and if I lived a godly lifestyle, had faith, and attended church regularly, that God would provide me with a Christian husband, most likely at a church.

I followed all the Christian advice about how to live life, that taught me if I just followed it, God would bless me with a husband – but although I followed all that Christian advice, had faith, went to church, and lived a clean lifestyle (and later even tried Christian dating sites), I have never married to this day, and I am now a 50-something.

I wrote more about that here:

(Link):  Christians Advise Singles To Follow Certain Dating Advice But Then Shame, Criticize, or Punish Singles When That Advice Does Not Work

Related to that:

(Link): Cathy The Single Woman Asks Pat Robertson Why God Has Not Replied to Her Prayers for Years to Send Her a Spouse

(Link):  Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife

What happened over the course of my life is that every church I attended (I moved around growing up) there were no single men I attended at the churches I went to.

The only men in attendance at Baptist churches I went to when I was in my 20s and 30s were married men, or 82 year old widowed men, or a smattering of really weird, socially awkward, obese and smelly, socially mal-adjusted, creepy, 30- to- 50 something year old single men (but mostly, the ones I kept running into were men who were married or else way too old for me).

If I had married in my 20s, I was obviously wanting to marry a man in his 20s, not an 82 year old man.

Christian Women Brainwashed to be Pathologically Giving, Empathetic (Non-Selfish) – Codependency for Women is Enshrined Via Incorrect Biblical Interpretations and the Gender Complementarian Doctrine

I spent years being very codependent (which I am (Link): no longer).

My mother and the complementarian Baptist churches I was raised in presented “biblical womanhood” as being near identical to codependency, which means I was pathologically non-greedy, and un-selfish for over 35 years.

It wasn’t until my late 40s, due to life experience, and having read books and articles by psychologists about codependency, that I started, finally, in a healthy way, began prioritizing my own needs, dreams, and goals in life, instead of feeling obligated to run around rescuing other people and helping them meet their goals in life at the expense of my goals and dreams.

I spent over 35 years being non-greedy as an un-married adult – not greedy, but non-greedy.

Yes, Married People Tend to Run Self Absorbed, Because Unlike Singles, They Can Afford to Do So

And yes, anecdotally, (research studies aside), and I know that the author, Wickham, may not want to hear this, but the reality is, I can tell you that many married couples are, yes, “insular,” which makes them “greedy.”

Married couples turn to each other to get their emotional needs met, as well as companionship needs met.

Married couples do not like to hang out with single adults… but they will do selfish, self serving things such as phone their single adult friend when their spouse goes out of town on a business trip or deployment for weeks or months, because they get lonely without their spouse around.

The moment that married friend’s spouse returns, though, they go back to basically ignoring you, their single friend, because they were just “using” you so long as their spouse was out of town and they felt lonely.

I’ve had single adult women friends who began to ignore me 99% of the time the moment they got a boyfriend or got married – and then they stopped staying in touch with me (unless their spouse left for a business trip, as I just explained).

More here:

(Link): Women Who Dump Women Friends As Soon As They Get A Spouse or Boyfriend (Letter to Advice Columnist)

And to all you married people out there that keep turning to your spouse and get lazy at developing your relationships outside of your marriage: your spouse is going to die one day, perhaps before you.

I am constantly seeing “married with young children” couples complain about how exhausting it is to be a parent.

This is particularly true of the mothers who write (Link): these cloying essays on various sites begging their adult single women friends to run over and play “free babysitter” for them, or do housework for them, so they can take a nap.

I see many extremist, pro-Family Christians write articles going back decades and books advising single adults (especially women) that it’s our duty or obligation, as a single woman, to act as free maid service or free baby sitters to the married mothers out there.

I never, ever see Christians writing books or articles telling married couples with kids or no to provide help or assistance to their single and childless adult friends. This “help” only runs one way, and (Link): never in the direction of the single and childless adults.

After having re-read the essay by Wickham, I don’t think she has a full picture of why some remain single, and it’s not fully because “the institutions that traditionally provided couples with support” are on the wane.

The very first and crucial hurdle many women face, especially conservative religious women, is just finding a suitable, single conservative religious man to start with – such men are not in churches.

Most religious women are not going to try to find a man in a night club or bar. Dating sites are filled with perverts and weirdos, including self-professing Christian ones.

I will be returning to commenting more on Wickham’s essay below these excerpts:

Excerpts from the essay:

(Link): Married or single, everyone is greedy by Esther Wickham

Marriage — it’s an institution that a majority of people desire for themselves but one that struggles to flourish in a society that prioritizes individualism and scorns the institutions that traditionally provided couples with support. No wonder, then, that some have decided they’re better off without it.

In a recent interview with the Atlantic, Dr. Bella DePaulo, 68, who worked as a psychology professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, admitted she’s spent her whole life as a single person with no desire for marriage.

… Yet DePaulo pointed out that many of the married couples who are supposed to be happier than her have begun to disconnect from their communities and isolate themselves. Their marriage, she said, becomes greedy.

…. Research suggests DePaulo is, in some ways, correct. A New York Times article “found that married respondents were significantly less likely than the unmarried to contact or see their parents and siblings. … The married are also less frequently spent time with or helped friends and neighbors. … More than 80% of never-married individuals said they’d called or written to their parents in the last month, compared with just 60% of married people. Likewise, around 70% of unmarried people but only 30% of the married had socialized with friends in the last month.”

However, DePaulo overstated her case. Married people inevitably have different priorities than those who are single. They are often focused on raising children and building a home, both of which are time-intensive responsibilities.

Moreover, it is normal for married couples to spend what free time they do have on each other.

… To be sure, married couples should make their communities a priority and resist the temptation to isolate themselves. But to say that most married couples are greedy for spending too much time with their spouses and not enough with family and friends is to misunderstand the very purpose of marriage.

Surely in a society that overemphasizes “self-love,” couples who prioritize each other should be viewed favorably. There’s nothing wrong with a “greedy marriage,” nor is there anything wrong with singlehood — so long as both lifestyles are lived in moderation, of course.
— end excerpts —-

DePaulo was right on the money and was not “over stating” her case.

History of Marriage in the USA

Contrary to what this author writes, no, marriage was not “always that way.”

I’ve read other research and studies that explain that in the past, in the United States, couples did not spend as much time with each other as they’ve been doing the last 50 or so years – they would invest more time with extended family and so on than they do now.

Continue reading “Thoughts Regarding the Essay “Married or single, everyone is greedy,” by Esther Wickham, An Essay Which Misrepresents Adult Singles”

Dear Prudence: “Help! My Sister Thinks I Should Give Up a Promotion to Continue Being Her Free Babysitter.”

Dear Prudence: “Help! My Sister Thinks I Should Give Up a Promotion to Continue Being Her Free Babysitter.”

I’m a conservative, I am not against motherhood or women wanting to have children.

Having said that, I’ve noticed that some of the most entitled (or rude) a-holes I’ve ever seen online (aside from “anti theist atheists,” men’s rights groups, and trans activists) are mothers.

But not all mothers are awful – my own mother was pretty wonderful, and I’ve been friends with women who have children and who are perfectly wonderful people, too.

There are, though, some mothers who are entitled, un-sympathetic, demanding, a-holes.

I have other examples on my blog of entitled parents (usually mothers) acting like spoiled, demanding, bratty a-holes towards their childless and/or single friends or siblings.

The married with children sister as described in the letter below sounds like a big, honking narcissist – she’s very self absorbed and entitled.

The single, childless sister doesn’t owe her continual, free baby-sitting…

(what is it with so many mothers whining about how tiring motherhood is and expecting all their friends and family – usually the single ones – to drop everything to be free baby sitters?
If you can’t handle the responsibility of having children, you should be sexually abstinent or should’ve used birth control),

… the sister certainly does not deserve or is entitled to free baby sitting services at the expense of her sister’s job promotion!

Please be sure to see the additional comments I made BELOW the following link with excerpts:

(Link): Help! My Sister Thinks I Should Give Up a Promotion to Continue Being Her Free Babysitter.

Excerpts:

It’s not my fault her life is a mess.

Advice By R. Eric Thomas
JUNE 02, 2022

Dear Prudence,

I am happily single, while my sister is married to the biggest man-baby on the planet. He thinks putting a dirty dish in the sink is worthy of a parade and being a good parent is telling my sister the baby is crying before going back to his video game.

Both work full time, but my sister takes care of the kids, the house, and the dogs, and she constantly leans on me to help out (while complaining about her husband refusing to).

I have been watching and raising my young nieces since they were born when my sister can’t.

I love them to pieces—but I have been waiting for them to get old enough so my sister doesn’t have to pay for expensive infant care.

I am tired of being expected to pick them up from school five days a week and to take care of them when my sister works weekends while my brother-in-law goes camping with his friends.

My sister has gone back and forth about getting a divorce for years, and I have tried to be as neutral as I could possibly be, but we have fought about it. She tells me I can’t understand that a marriage is about compromise and companionship—I don’t get an opinion.

Continue reading “Dear Prudence: “Help! My Sister Thinks I Should Give Up a Promotion to Continue Being Her Free Babysitter.””

Mom Left Husband of 14 Years for ‘Soul Mate’ – Only to Be Rejected

Mom Left Husband of 14 Years for ‘Soul Mate’ – Only to Be Rejected

One thing I’ve never understood about secular and Christian conservatives who are too unrealistic about marriage (and the nuclear family) is how they can continue to view marriage (or parenthood, the nuclear family) through such rose-colored glasses, when we all know people who married and/or had children, but marriage or parenthood left them miserable.

Maybe the person they married turned out to be emotionally or physically abusive, or marriage turned out to be unfulfilling. Maybe their spouse committed adultery on numerous occasions.

Let the story below show once again that the Christian, pro-Nuclear family narrative that “marriage makes people more godly, loving, ethical and mature” is a bunch of hooey.

Marriage didn’t make the woman below, who dumped her long time husband for a hottie she met earlier, more “mature” or less selfish or more ethical.

Whatever the specifics, marriage and parenthood sometimes turn out to be horrible or disappointing.

(A reminder: I am not opposed to marriage, parenthood, or the nuclear family – I’m only opposed to a culture, Christian or secular, that pressure or shame people into having kids, getting married, and treats people who do not marry or have kids, for whatever reason, like failures, weirdos, or garbage.)

(Link): Mom left husband of 14 years for ‘soul mate’ — only to be rejected

by Andrew Court
May 9, 2022

It takes two souls to tango.

A mom of two has been mocked on social media after revealing she left her longtime husband for a man she believed to be her “soul mate” — only for him to promptly reject her.

Amanda Trenfield has been described by critics as a “self-destructive sociopath” for writing about the emotional saga in her new book, “When A Soulmate Says No.”

An excerpt from the tome, published in the Sydney Morning Herald last week, sparked ridicule from readers who claimed the rejection was karma for the fact she had blown up her own marriage.

“She ruined her life for nothing! One of the biggest losses we’ve ever seen,” one reader quipped with glee.

In the extract, Trenfield describes an electric encounter with her so-called soul mate, which occurred while she was at a dinner party with her husband.

Continue reading “Mom Left Husband of 14 Years for ‘Soul Mate’ – Only to Be Rejected”

Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers – Husband Also Had Hitman Kill the Man’s Pet Pug Dogs, Beat Dogs to Death With a Hammer

Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers – Husband Also Had Hitman Kill the Man’s Pet Pug Dogs, Beat Dogs to Death With a Hammer

Basically, a lot of complementarian Christian men feel the same way this man, Edward Heck, does: they feel entitled to sex from their wives.

The erroneous biblical interpretations that lead men (and some women) to support “gender complementarianism” lead to these types of views about marriage, sex, and women.

I can see Christian persons like Lori Alexander (of “The Transformed Wife”), Mark Driscoll, John MacArthur, John Piper, Owen Strachan, Denny Burk, Douglas Wilson, and many members of “CBMW” defending this man’s actions and blaming the (murdered) wife.

(We also have problems with unmarried men, of whatever religious beliefs, who feel entitled to sex from any woman, and they go on murderous rampages when women refuse to date or to have sex with them).

The hired hit man not only killed the man’s wife, but one article also says that he “brutally murdered” the husband’s (who hired the hit man) pet dogs by beating them to death with a hammer – one article says that killing the dogs was also part of the plan by the husband – so the husband approved of the dogs being killed by the hit man.

I despise animal abusers, and yes, he and the husband should pay for killing the wife (obviously), but that both men also killed dogs means their death by the state should be very, very extra painful – perhaps shoving them alive, awake, into a wood chipper could be one possible solution to that.

This news story also goes to contradict the dating advice articles I used to see by Christians years ago that conveyed the notion that a single adult has to achieve some level of perfection or godliness or else God won’t send the person a spouse. If dirt bags like this loser can get married, anyone can – obviously if there is a deity, He is not expecting moral perfection or some other quality to be achieved before He permits people to marry.

Also note that contrary to Christian and secular conservative pro-marriage groups and persons – such as Al Mohler, Brad Wilcox, and Focus On the Family – that marriage does not make people more godly, loving, responsible, ethical, or loving.

Aaaannnnd… married sex is not a guarantee for great or frequent sex, as so many Christian sexual purity material insists. I am not against sexual purity, but I do think a lot of Christians have “over-promised” in this area.

(Link): Pa. man admits hiring hit man to kill his sleeping wife, is sentenced to life in prison

(Link): Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers

May 2, 2022
By Genevieve Gluck

A Pennsylvania husband who hired a hitman through a porn site to kill his wife, allegedly because she wasn’t sexually available enough, is now claiming “diminished mental capacity” at his trial for her murder.

Edward Heck, 56, paid Kenneth Wayne Smith $10,000 to kill his wife, Sonja Rowe-Heck, in August of 2018.

Smith and Heck met on Motherless, a site which hosts extreme fetish pornography and snuff videos. Smith had posted in the comment section to a video that he had a fetish for killing, and Heck replied, “How about my wife?”

(Link): According to local news, the two men had been conversing on social media for about 18 months before the planned murder.

Text messages reviewed by authorities included those in which Heck said he fantasized about someone raping and strangling his wife. In messages to Smith, Heck stated that he hated his wife, called her offensive names, and complained about the fact the two did not share a bedroom.

On the day of the murder, Heck brought Smith to his home and helped him hide in the cellar. While there, Smith brutally murdered Heck’s two dogs. At about 1:50 a.m. on August 16, Heck texted Smith saying, “the time has come.”

Continue reading “Man Paid to Have His Wife Killed Over Lack of Sex: Lawyers – Husband Also Had Hitman Kill the Man’s Pet Pug Dogs, Beat Dogs to Death With a Hammer”

The Weird, Sexist World of Gary Thomas and His Weird Sex and Marital Advice Books to Christians

The Weird, Sexist World of Gary Thomas and His Weird Sex and Marital Advice Books to Christians

Several months ago, a lot of people on Twitter and Facebook – mainly married or divorced Christian women – were really angry with Christian author Gary Thomas, I think mainly for some new book he released last year about marriage that contained some really gross, sexist, or disturbing marital and sex advice.

To be honest, I was busy with other things in fall of 2021 when this stuff went down. I should’ve blogged about it then but didn’t have the time.

I wasn’t able to totally follow the controversy, so I am not sure how to write up a summary, but from what I could tell, Gary Thomas wrote a bunch of strange, bizarre, sexist stuff about women, wives, sex, and marriage – some of it involving advising married women to tickle their spouse’s testicles with their make-up brushes – ???? 🤨😯🤮

From what I do recall, after people online began posting screen shots of Thomas’ weird marital advice book around October of 2021, a lot of women then began taking Thomas to task for the book’s objectional contents by contacting him at his Twitter or Facebook accounts and letting him know how troubling his book is.

Along with screen shots or quotes from Gary Thomas’ new marriage book, some of the women may have also included screen shots of his previous, troubling work.

Below you will find a smorgasbord of material about Gary Thomas’ weird or sexist marital and sex advice, most of which will probably be from his recent marriage advice book, but some may be from other sources he’s written (I’m unsure about that).

I began putting this post together prior to reading the Sheila Wray Gregoire review of said book (which I have excerpted below), and wowza, this book is cringe. So cringe. It’s awkward.

I’m not even done reading the entire Gregoire review yet. I’ve only read down the first several sentences (where she summarizes from the book), and my eye brows are already raised in shock, when my facial expression is not registering horror.

Cringey Christian Advice (Link): @cringeyxtian on Twitter was once source of Gary Thomas material you may want to visit.

Apparently, Thomas is rather fixated on women’s breasts or breast size, as he discussed this topic in his marital advice books.

I’ve not read his books, does he tell any male readers of his book that huge penis size matters to a lot of women? Because according to studies, it does:

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

Also pertinent:

(Link):  Bride Discovers New Husband Has Micropenis On Honeymoon After He Refused to Have Sex Before Marriage

The more cringey, sexist, awful martial and sex advice I see from Christian writers such as Doug Wilson, John MacArthur, Mark Driscoll, Gary Thomas, and guys like them, and the more exposes I see about churches who harass their abused, married women members to stay married to child abusers and stay married to pedophiles, the more I am happy I remained single and celibate into middle-age. It looks like I dodged a bullet. Marriage is not worth this misery.

This is a review about Gary Thomas’ marital advice book:

(Link): The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

By that same author, but hosted on Medium:

(Link): “But Have You Tried Sleeping Naked?”

by Shannon Ashley
Oct 2021

Writers like Gary Thomas keep banking on men’s sexual satisfaction to save evangelical marriages.

…For decades, most mainstream Christian self-help books have taught sex in a way that harms the end goal of healthy marriages. Instead, authors have relied on faulty principles and pseudoscience like pink and blue brains or good Christian men cheat when their frigid, dowdy wives drive them to it.

…To make matters worse, Gary convolutes the messages he’s plagiarized. Although he uses ideas and phrasing from The Great Sex Rescue, he also undercuts them by utilizing the same old faulty Christian teachings in question

Continue reading “The Weird, Sexist World of Gary Thomas and His Weird Sex and Marital Advice Books to Christians”

The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

The following pertains to Christian author Gary Thomas and his weird, sexist marital advice book, Married Sex, that got savaged by Christian women on social media in 2021.

I will provide an excerpt or two below, but really, this author’s entire review of Thomas’ book is quite good, so I would ask that you please click the link below to visit her review – which is hosted on Medium – to read the entire piece.

(Link): The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley

Excerpts:

[Thomas earlier book, When to Walk Away, was well-received by many Christian women.]

Unfortunately, his latest book (co-authored by Debra K. Fileta and published by Zondervan Books), Married Sex, comes across more like a sex-obsessed man desperately trying to convince himself and the rest of us that his fixations were “designed by God.”

[The author of the piece then goes on to discuss certain parts of the book by Thomas that concerned her.]

[Excerpt from the Gary Thomas book, by Thomas]:

“Now she asks us to put a coaster under our drink or pick up our socks from the floor, and we act like she’s requesting twelve hours of hard labor. God isn’t unaware of this tendency, so he has given us men a physiological compulsion to keep our wives near and dear in our affections.
If it has been a while since we’ve had sex, those hormones start to boil, and the “drive” slowly begins to captivate our minds. If we grow in love and understanding, we’ll learn that for our wives to be sexually available to us, they need to be relationally and even spiritually connected with us.

When I saw this as God’s creational design, I realized that my sex drive was God’s way of keeping me aware of my wife’s relational needs. The fact that our brains have so much more space devoted to sex drive motivates us men to pursue our wives on all levels—with loyalty, empathy, and love. God’s design is for men to be so sexually vulnerable to their wives that they don’t neglect them in other aspects of the relationship.”
— end Thomas book excerpt —

This is so, so, so… gross. So gross! I (and so many other women) have zero interest in being with a man who requires constant sexual incentive just to be a decent human being.

Continue reading “The Fragile Male Ego That Can’t Function Without Constant Sexual Validation by S. Ashley”

Married Father of Three Pastor Allegedly Committed Adultery, Raped Junior Woman Church Staffer, Used Church Funds to Fund Lavish Lifestyle

Married Father of Three Pastor Allegedly Committed Adultery, Raped Junior Woman Church Staffer, Used Church Funds to Fund Lavish Lifestyle

Does being a male, married, and a parent make a person smarter, more ethical, godly, compassionate, or responsible than being a woman, single, or childless? Why no, Al Mohler and other marriage, patriarchy, complementarian, and parenthood promoters, it surely does not, but you guys keep promoting that falsehood.

(Link): Hillsong Dallas pastor Reed Bogard was accused of rape by junior staffer he had an affair with before he and his wife were fired for using church donations to fund their lavish lifestyle

Excerpts:

by Jennifer Smith
March 25, 2022

Hillsong Dallas pastor Reed Bogard was secretly accused of raping a younger, female staffer who he had an affair with in 2013, it has been revealed.

Bogard was ousted from the church along with his wife last year amid claims they had been misappropriating church donations to fund their lavish lifestyle.

Now, it has emerged that he had an affair between October 2013 and 2014 with a junior female staffer.

It remains unclear if the allegation has ever been reported to the police.

Continue reading “Married Father of Three Pastor Allegedly Committed Adultery, Raped Junior Woman Church Staffer, Used Church Funds to Fund Lavish Lifestyle”

Married Mother and Father Fake the Wife’s Kidnapping, Used Donated Funds Meant to Help Find Kidnapped Wife to Pay off Couple’s Personal Credit Card Debt

Married Mother and Father Fake the Wife’s Kidnapping, Used Donated Funds Meant to Help Find Kidnapped Wife to Pay off Couple’s Personal Credit Card Debt

Never. Ever. Argue. Ever Again.  That “marriage” or “parenthood” somehow improve a person’s character, morality, or that either one somehow fixes what is wrong with culture, if you’re one of those who is super obsessed with Nuclear Families, marriage, and parenting, like most secular or religious conservatives, such as but not limited to, Focus On The Family,  National Marriage Project, Jim Daly, Mark Regnerus, Brad Wilcox, or Al Mohler.

Never again, in light of the fact I regularly see news items of married people (some of whom are parents!) who rape people, or who steal, make child porn, sell illegal drugs, and on and on with the wrong-doing, write, publish, or broadcast your stupid “if only every one would marry by the time they are 25 years old and have three children each, it would usher in a sin-free society and fix all that is wrong with the world!” bullshit.

Being married or being a parent does not necessarily make a person more responsible, loving, or ethical, or better in any way, shape, or form, than being single and childless (or childfree).

The following married couple faked the wife’s kidnapping, and used the “Go Fund Me” account that was opened to provide funds to help the family find her to use that donated money to pay off their personal debt on their credit card. Both are parents. Un-freaking-believable!

I am not anti-Marriage, anti-Nuclear Family, or anti-parenthood, but all the other conservatives have to stop it with cramming the “hyper pro Nuclear Family / Marriage / Natalism” propaganda down people’s throats, which they do every few months, with their stupid, insulting essays containing their fear-mongering, shaming, anti-singleness, “oh no, people are not getting married any more, or choosing not to have babies any more, marriage is so much better for people and culture than staying single” pearl-clutching essays and editorials.

(Link):  Years ago, she told police she had been abducted, beaten and branded. Now she’s charged with making it all up 

(Link):  Volunteer Who Feels Duped by Sherri Papini’s Kidnapping Story Reacts to Her Arrest: ‘Honestly, I Was Shocked’ 

(Link): Sherri Papini, husband allegedly paid off credit cards with $49,000 donated to kidnapping hoax

March 5, 2022
By Kerry J. Byrne

Sherri Papini’s once sympathetic tale grows more loathsome with each passing day.

The California “super mom” didn’t just fake her own abduction: Papini and her husband Keith also allegedly used nearly $50,000 donated toward the effort to find her to pay off their credit cards instead, according to authorities.

Papini was arrested Thursday on charges she staged her own 2016 kidnapping, a shocking three-week disappearance that generated international headlines and an outpouring of public support.

Continue reading “Married Mother and Father Fake the Wife’s Kidnapping, Used Donated Funds Meant to Help Find Kidnapped Wife to Pay off Couple’s Personal Credit Card Debt”

I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown

I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown

I hesitate to link to too many of these advice columnists any more, as months ago, someone admitted to writing bogus letters asking for advice, that were published to Slate, or some other publication. But maybe what follows is real… I’ve certainly known women in real life whose husbands are very selfish.

Anyway, for years, I had wanted to be married, and I never did get married. I eventually made peace with that.

Every so often I see letters like what follows below, or other women’s divorce horror stories – where they had to leave an abusive husband – and it makes me feel even more at peace with the fact I never married.

There’s no point in being married if the person you marry is selfish or treats you like garbage. It’s better to be single, or to stay single, then end up marrying an abuser or a self absorbed jackass.

(Most Christian gender complementarians would command this woman to stay in this joke of a marriage she describes and continue putting up with this horseshit from her selfish husband, because their interpretation of the Bible. 
I think their interpretation of the Bible is totally incorrect about gender roles and divorce… if you’re a grown woman, you have to make choices based on what you believe is best for you, not on another person’s fallible interpretation of the Bible.

If you’re a Christian woman, don’t look for, or count upon, your church’s or pastor’s “permission” to divorce an abusive or selfish husband, because most will not grant it.)

(Link): I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown

January 31, 2022

Dear Care and Feeding,

I am a married mom of two kids. My husband is unbelievably selfish.

I do pretty much all of the parenting, housework, cooking, driving to extracurriculars, shopping, etc.

I also pay for virtually everything (we have separate bank accounts). He works a lot less hours than I do for around the same pay.

He spends his free time napping, going to the gym, getting massages … you get the picture.

I spend my free time looking after the kids. We’ve been to therapy, and he has stated that this is just how he is.

I’m beyond resentful and the only thing he contributes to our household right now is to the mess … that I then have to clean up. We live like roommates to the point that he sleeps in another room.

Continue reading “I Want to Divorce My Unbelievably Selfish Husband, Advice by S. L. Brown”

Her Married Boyfriend of Five Years Won’t Divorce His Ex Unless She Pays For It

Her Married Boyfriend of Five Years Won’t Divorce His Ex Unless She Pays For It

This lady says she’s been dating a married guy for five years, he won’t divorce his ex wife unless she pays for it, so she writes in to an advice columnist to ask if it’s okay for her to be angry about the situation.

This is wrong on like 54 different levels.

How about not dating someone who is still legally married?

How about ceasing and desisting with the codependency, getting a spine, some self esteem, and realizing you should not be a doormat to this putz any longer, and dumping him pronto? Why are you writing to an advice columnist to figure out what to do, you’re an adult.

Did being married make the guy described in this letter a more responsible, ethical, loving person? No, no it did not. So the Christian Al Mohlers and conservative marriage-pushers (like Brad Wilcox) can stop promoting that view about marriage.

Some people have dating criteria that is too strict; the woman who wrote this letter appears to have next to none!

(Link): My boyfriend refuses to divorce his ex unless I pay for it. Is this relationship worth saving?

Is “this relationship worth saving?” Lady, you never had a relationship to start with.

The letter:

by Morgan Absher
USA TODAY
Dec 6, 2021

Question:
“I am a 39-year-old female and my boyfriend is a 33-year-old male.

We have been together for five years.

There are a few things I can’t handle and have voiced my opinion on, but I get called crazy or just get ignored. Communication for us has been minimal for the past two years or so.

He is still married to his ex. While he has promised a divorce, he refuses to get one now unless I pay for it.

Continue reading “Her Married Boyfriend of Five Years Won’t Divorce His Ex Unless She Pays For It”

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”