Is Your Online Date Deadly? Here’s How To Spot The Red Flags from Infomania

Is Your Online Date Deadly? Here’s How To Spot The Red Flags -from InfoMania

(Link): Is Your Online Date Deadly? Here’s How To Spot The Red Flags

To see the entire list of tips, please use the link above and visit their site. This is only a partial list:

Excerpts:

by H. Redlitz

Did you know that. . .

  • 10% of sex offenders use online dating sites
  • 3% of online daters are psychopaths
  • 51% of online daters are already in a relationship
  • 10% of members on free dating websites are scammers
  • Since 1995, 400 people have been murdered by someone they met online

Considering these stats, the grim reality is that if you date online, you’re likely to run into a few freaky fish before you find a good catch.

But for some women, meeting Mr. Wrong can be the last mistake they ever make. Nadine Aburas, Tori Ann Pennington, Julissa Brisman – these are just some of the women who have been murdered in recent years by men they met online. The list of women who have been raped or sexually assaulted by online dates is even longer.

Online dating is now a normal part of our social lives, but how do you protect yourself or a loved one from the dangers of meeting strangers online? Watch out for these red flags of online dating.

Read Between The Lines Of Their Dating Profile

… (Link): FBI profiler Mary Ellen O’Toole, who worked on notorious cases such as the Green River Killer and the hunt for the Unabomber, advises online daters to pay attention to the wording used in dating profiles.

Continue reading “Is Your Online Date Deadly? Here’s How To Spot The Red Flags from Infomania”

Secret Psychopath Test Could Keep Dating Apps Safe

Secret Psychopath Test Could Keep Dating Apps Safe

(Link): Secret Psychopath Test Could Keep Dating Apps Safe

BY DANA DOVEY ON 10/21/17 AT 7:28 AM

Excerpts:

He lives next door, is an excellent liar, and is only pretending to care how your parents are doing.

No, not your ex, but rather a real-life psychopath. Most don’t realize that psychopaths are rarely tucked away in high security prisons, but often live right down the street.

Thankfully, Dr. Pascal Wallisch has our back, and the psychologist is hoping to protect us, the 99 percent of the population that can physically feel empathy and regret, from those who can’t.

The term psychopath is used so often in media and everyday speech that the true meaning sometimes gets lost. Beyond the Hollywood glamor, psychopathy is a psychological diagnosis affecting a small but very prominent proportion of the global population.

Continue reading “Secret Psychopath Test Could Keep Dating Apps Safe”

Frustrated Husband Chops Off His Genitals With A Knife After His Wife Hadn’t Had Sex With Him For A DECADE

Frustrated Husband Chops Off His Genitals With A Knife After His Wife Hadn’t Had Sex With Him For A DECADE

Am I the only one who’s heard of the concept of masturbation? If your wife isn’t doing it for you, you can do it for yourself, if you know what I mean.

The article says every time this guy asked for sex, it was when he was drunk, and understandably, his wife was not interested in “getting it on” when he was drunk.

I guess getting married did not guarantee this guy a steady diet of sex, which runs contrary to what Christians tell you – that if you reserve sex until marriage, the sex will be recurrent and great.

(Link): Frustrated husband chops off his genitals with a knife after his wife hadn’t had sex with him for a DECADE

  • Ghasi Ram, 37, cut off his penis after his advances were rejected
  • His wife, Manjhri Devi, said he was regularly drunk and never listened to her
  • The couple have been married for 18 years and have a daughter and two sons
  • It happened in Uttar Pradesh in northern India 

Related Posts:

(Link):  Lonely Life of Roberto Esquivel Cabrera, the Man with the World’s Longest Penis

(Link):  Guy So Depressed Over Being Single He Cut Off His Own Penis (article)

(Link):  Man undergoing minor surgery given vasectomy by mistake

(Link): Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

(Link): Spiritual leader allegedly manipulated 400 men into removing testicles to be ‘closer to God’

(Link): Woman arrested AGAIN for battering man who declined to have sex with her…

(Link):  Ohio Preacher Asked Men if they Performed Oral Sex on Spouses, Asked Males if they Had Large Penises, Asked to Look at their Penises, Asked One Actor if He Shaved His Pubic Hair, Encouraged Women Congregants to Get Abortions, Males to Get Vasectomies / Another Blow to “Be Equally Yoked” Christian Teachings

Jezebel Site and xoJane Site: Pot Meet Kettle – On Supporting All Women’s Voices

Jezebel Site and xoJane Site: Pot Meet Kettle – On Supporting All Women’s Voices

I saw this paragraph or so in (Link): an article on Jezebel’s site (by S. Edwards; title: “xoJane Publishes Terrible Article By a Woman Who’s Glad Her Friend Died, Then Deletes Her Byline“):

  • It’s a well-known fact that outrageous confessionals—the kind that populate xoJane’s section, It Happened to Me — garner traffic. Outrage, disgust and anger are the stuff of going viral (a phrase that conjures up disease as much as anything else). Yet xoJane seems to consistently cross an unspoken line, confusing any woman’s opinion as one inherently worth publishing, no matter the opinion, or its costs.

Continue reading “Jezebel Site and xoJane Site: Pot Meet Kettle – On Supporting All Women’s Voices”

Ingrid Lyne, 40 Year Old, Murdered and Decapitated by Man She Met on Dating Site

Ingrid Lyne, 40 Year Old, Murdered and Decapitated by Man She Met on Dating Site

The original Twitter headline for this in one Tweet (chosen by Daily Beast), described the woman in question as a “Young Mom.” Please (link): click here to see why I find that rather annoying.

Anyway, I glanced at this report earlier today. It looks as though this divorced mother, who was about 40 years old, met some guy via a dating site, they went out, and he killed her and decapitated her.

I’m pretty sure one story I saw about this said that this woman met the guy using a dating site. I’ll see if I can find other news stories which mention how they met.

(Link):  Mom was dismembered in own home after online date
by AP

  • April 13, 2016
  • SEATTLE — A woman who authorities say was slain and dismembered in her suburban home and whose remains were then placed in a Seattle recycling bin was a beloved mother of three as well as a sister and friend, her family says.
  • …Charlton [the murderer] has a criminal history spanning six states and his parents had sought a restraining order against him in 2006, saying he had taken the movie “Hannibal” — about a serial killer — from a shelf and told his mother she should watch it and “beware.”
  • Charlton, 37, was arrested Monday after police said remains believed to be Lyne’s were found over the weekend in a homeowner’s recycling bin. A head, arm with a hand, lower leg and foot were recovered, court documents state.
  • Lyne, 40, was reported missing from her Renton home on Saturday morning after her ex-husband arrived with their children and she wasn’t home.

Married Father Who Worked as Police Officer Raped Wife After Drugging Her and Murdered Her and Their Children – so much for marriage and parenthood making people more godly, mature, responsible and loving!

Married Father Who Worked as Police Officer Raped Wife After Drugging Her and Murdered Her and Their Children – so much for marriage and parenthood making people more godly, mature, responsible and loving!
—————————————–
Notice from Christian Pundit blogger: There is coming a time when I will either not be blogging as frequently or not at all. Please read more about that here in this post (Link): Blog Break – May 2014 – and List of This Blog’s Best or Most Relevant Posts
—————————————-
I sometimes post links to news articles on this blog of parents, preachers, or married people who do immoral or illegal activities. There have been so many of these stories showing up in my Twitter feed the past two weeks, I can hardly keep up.

I will not be blogging on all of them. For about every news story I blog about of a parent who murders her child, or a married man who gets caught stabbing his wife to death or whatever, there are about 2 to 4 I do NOT get around to publishing on my blog – Bear that in mind anytime you visit my blog and see these types of stories.

So. Christians, particularly Southern Baptist, evangelicals, Reformed, and other flavors of Christians, like to spout off how parenthood and marriage make people more ethical, godly, and mature and immune from sexual sin, while, at the same time, they teach the insulting views that anyone who is still single and/or childless past age 30, is selfish or a loser or a closeted homosexual.

Here is yet another example of how parenthood does not make a person more godly, ethical, responsible, or mature – and it proves a person does not have to become perfect to obtain a spouse, or be rewarded with one by God:

(Link): US police officer Joshua Boren had raped wife several times before murdering her and children in shooting rampage

Father of Santa Barbara killer: ‘Part of me’ wishes my son was never born (Update)

Father of Santa Barbara killer: ‘Part of me’ wishes my son was never born

But Family Values!11!!! Family is the backbone of society!

Being a parent automatically makes you more godly, loving, and mature! You won’t regret the kid when it’s YOURS. *rolleyes*

All of that according to Christians, pro natalists, and my fellow social conservatives. But it’s not so.

Family is not always a Norman Rockwell painting. Sometimes parents have children then regret having them.

If his son had not made SEX into an idol, his son might be alive today. Sex is a luxury, not a necessity.

What follows is sort of an update to my previous post,
(Link): Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof

Here’s the update:

(Link) Father of Santa Barbara killer: ‘Part of me’ wishes my son was never born

An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway

An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway

I want to preface the editorial farther below by saying our culture, both Christian and secular, ridicules and shames FEMALE ADULT VIRGINS and FEMALE celibates too, not just MALE ones.

Once you have gotten to your late 20s as a woman and are still a virgin, you are looked at askew by society – both in and out of church.

I say this too because I see older male, usually Christian, virgins on other sites and blogs whining, crying, and boo-hooing at how tough they think male celibates have life! Oh please, as if you guys have it more difficult? You do not.

Women virgins over 25 / 30 years of of age get teased, left out, and treated like loser-freaks by Non-Christian and Christian culture, PLUS, we ladies get the added shame messages in church sermons and Christian propaganda on blogs and in books, that we are not fulfilling our “God given duty” or “Godly role” to make a baby!

We ladies get the shame, insults, and scorn double.

Men do not face anywhere NEAR the amount of pressure by Christian culture to breed and pop out kids.

Men never (or not as often as women) have to make excuses as to why they are not a daddy, but we women get asked that all the time in regards to parenting, why are we not mothers, don’t we like kids, when do you plan on having a kid, don’t you know you better hurry your bio clock is running out, etc. We ladies get the ‘baby’ questions constantly.

It is not only MALES who face discrimination and stereotypes for being virgins. We women virgins get lambasted for it as well. We female virgins are assumed to be frigid, weird, lesbian, have too much baggage, we must be obese and ugly, or neurotic.

By the way, while the young man himself in the recent news story is responsible for his actions – the 22 year old guy who shot up a bunch of people because he was frustrated at being a virgin and not getting dates – I can’t help but wonder if the Celibate- and Virgin- shaming I see on anti-sexual purity blogs, and the overall anti-virginity attitudes I see on blogs and Facebook groups only contribute to the problem.

Maybe if culture was more accepting of virginity and did not humiliate or shame people who never lose it, or who don’t lose their virginity until they are 25, 35, 55 years old, this guy would not have felt the need to go out and shoot a bunch of people.

But as I have been reporting on here the last couple or more years, Christians have jumped aboard the “virgin and celibate shame” train, too.

It is no longer only secular culture that mocks virginity and says staying sexually pure is impossible, it is every other preacher on TV or in church now, too.

Christians are now taking “pot shots” at the concept of sexual purity and virginity on their blogs, and saying nobody can be expected to stay a virgin their entire life, or past age 25.

Maybe if the church stood on a hill and screamed, “It’s okay to be a virgin and single your whole life, feel no shame,” you wouldn’t have 22 year old men thinking they are a loser-nothings for being a virgin… maybe that kid would have realized he was okay as he was, he would not have gotten worked up and angry and murdered several people as he did.

The Christian church should be presenting virginity as a perfectly fine, viable option for adults in our culture, to act as a counterpoint to our sex-saturated culture, but often, they do not.

Christians – the married ones, and the preachers – also shame older virgins for being virgins and for being single, and they never discuss singleness and celibacy. Preachers are always giving sermons on MARRIAGE and MARRIED SEX.

(Link): An Open Letter to Male Virgins by A. Broadway

Excerpts:

      • What do you tell the male virgin in a sexed-up 21st-century “bro culture”? Is there anything an older sister of sorts could say to encourage men frustrated by their unwanted celibacy? Here’s my attempt.

To the male virgins out there:

  • I suspect you feel a lot of shame about the term “virgin.” These days, it’s hard not to. Even among young adults, virgins are a clear minority; according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, only one in 10 American men enters marriage a virgin; most start having sex in late high school. The numbers show women behave very similarly.
  • … Whatever our various reasons for ending up so, adult virgins must navigate a culture that regards sex as central to human fulfillment. But abstinence from this supposedly penultimate experience raises slightly different identity issues for men and women.
  • For women, men’s disinterest can seem like a knock on our beauty and desirability. Depending on where we find our value, that rejection can throw our own self-worth into question. But where women may blame unwanted abstinence on some lack in ourselves, men seem to read sexual inexperience as a fundamental failing, or even evidence of women’s universal aversion to or even contempt.

Continue reading “An Open Letter to Male Virgins by Anna Broadway”

Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof

Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin Kills Several Women Because He Can’t Get Dates

I bet this lunatic considered himself a “nice guy.” *Snicker.*

One article says, regarding the gunman,

In a YouTube video titled “Retribution,” the gunman, who was a student at Santa Barbara City College,

expresses his frustration over being a virgin at 22 and the constant rejection from women.

“For the last eight years of my life, ever since I hit puberty, I’ve been forced to endure an existence of loneliness, rejection and unfulfilled desires, all because girls have never been attracted to me,” he said.

“In those years I’ve had to rot in loneliness. It’s not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls have never been attracted to me, but I will punish you for it.”

—(end excerpt)—

What a whiny cry baby.

I’m a virgin in my 40s, female, had hoped to marry, am still single, have a healthy sex drive, and you don’t see me shooting at men. I do not feel as though men “owe” me dates or anything like that, geeze.

By the way, this news story is spectacular evidence of how Christian culture has failed in teaching about celibacy, virginity.

Christians mock and ridicule (or else ignore) virginity as much as secular culture does (I have a few links about that at the bottom of this post).

Christians expend a lot of energy either ignoring adult singleness – in favor of endless pontificating about marriage and setting up ministries to meet the needs of married people – or some of figure heads within the faith insult adult singleness (see, for example, my posts on this blog about Al Mohler).

Here are some more links about the guy who shot some women dead over frustration due to being single and a virgin – you will notice this sicko feels tremendously entitled to have a woman, and “beautiful” women at that:

(Link): ‘Mountains of skulls, rivers of blood… tomorrow is the day of retribution’: Virgin gunman’s chilling video rant in full

Partial transcript from one of his videos:

      • I’m 22 years old and I’m still

a virgin 

    • I’ve never even kissed a girl.
  • I’ve been through college for two and half years, more than that actually, and I’m still a virgin.
  • It has been very torturous. College is the time when everyone experiences those things such as sex and fun and pleasure. In those years I’ve had to rot in loneliness.
  • It’s not fair. You girls have never been attracted to me. I don’t know why you girls aren’t attracted to me but I will punish you all for it. It’s an injustice, a crime, because I don’t know what you don’t see in me.
  • I’m the perfect guy and yet you throw yourselves at all these obnoxious men instead of me, the supreme gentleman. I will punish all of you for it. [Laughs]
  • On the day of retribution, I am going to enter the hottest sorority house of UCSB [UC Santa Barbara]. And I will slaughter every single spoiled, stuck up blonde slut I see inside there.
  • All those girls I have desired so much, they will have all rejected me and looked down upon me as an inferior man if I ever made a sexual advance towards them.

Continue reading “Bitter, Frustrated 22 Year Old Male Virgin and Member of Men’s Rights / PUA Groups Kills Several Women Because He Couldn’t Get Dates – what an entitled sexist doof”

Wife Stabs Husband, Drives Car Into Church Because Husband Worshipped NASCAR

Wife Stabs Husband, Drives Car Into Church Because Husband Worshipped NASCAR

Oh geeze. No, no, no, marriage does NOT make a person mature or godly. Many adult singles are a hundred times more mature, more godly, and more ethical than the average married Christian. As in this example.

(Link): Wife Stabs Husband in Chest, Claims He Was “Worshiping The NASCAR Race”

(Link): Tazewell native allegedly crashes into church, stabs husband

(Link): Woman drives car though church, stabs husband for “worshipping NASCAR”

(Link): Police: Woman drove through church after ‘God told her to’

(Link): Woman drives through church, stabs husband on the altar

(Link): Hawkins County woman blames devil after allegedly crashing car into church, stabbing husband

(Link): Woman charged with stabbing husband for ‘worshipping’ Bristol race

(Link): Tenn. woman claims God made her drive into church, stab husband on altar for ‘worshipping NASCAR’: police

    Stephanie Faye Hamman, 23, rambled to police about God, the devil and her love of pot after she was arrested Sunday for trying to murder her husband, Steven Hamman, near their Church Hill home. She said she was mad he watched the NASCAR race, so she tried to stab him in the heart. Her husband survived.

    BY SASHA GOLDSTEIN / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS
    MONDAY, MARCH 17, 2014, 9:58 PM

    A crazed Tennessee woman crashed her car into a church, lay on the altar and then stabbed her husband in the chest because the devil told her the man was worshipping a NASCAR race, police say in a bizarre case of attempted murder.

    Stephanie Faye Hamman, 23, who admitted to smoking weed all day and all night, told cops it was God’s plan she carried out in rural Church Hill, a small town in the northeastern part of the state, the Times News reported.

    “She stated God had told her that smoking marijuana all day and all night was not good for her, and that she only needed to smoke it at night to help her relax,” Police Chief Mark Johnson told the newspaper. “Mrs. Hamman further stated that she felt her husband Steven was worshiping the NASCAR race at Bristol (Tenn.), which made her mad, and she began having thoughts that the devil put in her head.”

    The distressed Hamman told police it was God’s will when she rammed her Toyota Celica into the front doors of Providence Church, a building just across the street from her apartment.

(Link): Police: Woman stabbed husband for ‘worshiping NASCAR’

    Stephanie Hamman accused of driving car into church, stabbing husband at altar
    POSTED: 11:10 AM Mar 17 2014
    A Church Hill woman is accused of attempted first degree murder after police say she tried to kill her husband with a kitchen knife after accusing him of ‘worshiping’ the NASCAR race at Bristol. Click here to view photos from the scene.

Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

You know the standard Christian propaganda: wait until you get married to have sex, and the sex will be GREAT! Unless, of course, you end up in a (Link): sexless marriage, because your spouse develops health problems, was sexually abused in childhood, is under too much job stress, or…

(Link): How my husband forgot sex

    by SONYA LEA
    Feb 12, 2014

    When we were younger, he was the one who taught me to explore. Then he had cancer surgery — and came out a virgin

(Link): Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

From page 1:

    Feb. 20, 2014
    By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES

    In 2003, as Richard Bandy prepared for cancer surgery that would bathe his abdomen in hot tumor-killing chemicals, he and his wife, writer Sonya Lea, talked about the possibility of his death, but also about potential impotence.

    The couple, then in their 40s, had been sweethearts since high school and said they enjoyed a close, sexually charged relationship.

    “We did the usual things everyone does with a life-threatening illness — we got wills ready and secured all the practical business,” said Lea, 54, who now lives in Seattle.

    “We looked at what our dreams were for life and got our bucket list,” she told ABCNews.com. “We were so optimistic. If sex doesn’t work, we’ll figure out other forms of sharing our erotic life. Many people who are injured or impotent have active sexual lives and we think we can do this.”

    Bandy even discussed allowing Lea to take another lover.

    Chemo bath heats up debate about radical cancer treatments.

    What they didn’t expect was that surgery would go terribly wrong and internal bleeding would cause a brain injury. In the decade since, Bandy could physically have sex, but his personality was forever altered.

    “You go into surgery, and you don’t imagine you will end up with a different man at the end of it,” said Lea.

    In a Feb. 12 article for Salon, (Link): “How My Husband Forgot Sex,” Lea writes about Bandy’s loss of short- and long-term memory and his ability to initiate and recall decades of marital intimacy.

    “The man who taught me to explore, has become as unknowing as a stranger in a strange land,” she writes. “Three years after the brain injury, it still isn’t possible for him to ask what he wants, or conduct a conversation, or remember the ways my body responds.”

    Bandy had a rare form of pseudomyxoma peritonei or PMP, a cancer that currently only affects about 5,000 Americans, according to Dr. Paul Sugarbaker, director of the Center for Gastrointestinal Malignancies at the Medstar Washington Hospital Center. It develops after a polyp on the appendix bursts and spreads mucus-producing tumor cells throughout the region.

    “It used to be universally fatal and now we cure 80 percent of them with a new type of surgery that involves perineotomy, stripping the insides of the abdomen and pelvis,” said Sugarbaker. Neither he, nor the hospital treated Bandy.

    The standard of care is hyperthermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy or HIPEC, a highly concentrated, heated chemotherapy treatment that is delivered directly to the abdomen during surgery. But sometimes, a high-dose chemotherapy agent can cause serious complications that can trigger bleeding in the brain or stroke.

    “We had a bad case here,” said Sugarbaker, who has since declared a moratorium on the use of that chemical at his facility.

    In Bandy’s case, his brain was deprived of oxygen for a critical period of time after 32 ounces of blood pooled in his abdomen during surgery, according to his wife. Lea said the family settled in a malpractice suit and was not allowed to talk more specifically about the case.

    Today, Lea and Bandy have been married 35 years. She writes about their decade-long journey in an as yet unpublished memoir, “Wondering Who You Are,” in which she explores issues of identity through cancer, brain surgery, travel, art, food, sex, wilderness and family.

    “I love her writing –- it makes me cry,” said Bandy, 56, who contributed several pieces to the book.

    “But there are fairly large sections of my life I don’t remember,” he said. “Not anything before high school or college. I don’t remember my kids’ births or my wedding day. I don’t really remember what sex is like before the brain injury.”

((( Read Page Two )))

Your Preacher Sucks – and People Have a Right To Say So And Explain Why

Your Preacher Sucks

Did you know that your preacher is not God?

Did you know that the New Testament says that Satan poses as an angel of light?

Did you know that the New Testament makes reference to wolves in sheeps’ clothing, that is, false teachers who infiltrate the pulpit and churches, for the express purpose of fleecing the flock, getting rich, or taking sexual advantage of the ladies, or for pushing their false doctrines? Yeah? You were aware of all that?

There are sure a lot of Christians on the internet who don’t act like they are aware of any of this.

Because as soon as anyone says anything critical about a preacher or that preacher’s theology, no matter how politely said criticism is stated, sooner or later, a follower of that preacher will show up on that forum, blog, or site to leave a message – varying from very nasty, downright hateful, to a more chiding tone of, “You’re being such a meanie, Pastor John Doe is such a gawdly man, how dare you criticize Pastor Doe! Who do you think you are?”

It makes me want to barf.

No man – NO MAN – is above criticism, and I don’t care if it’s a famous preacher or who it is.

By the way, this blog post also serves as as reminder about internet safety.

Continue reading “Your Preacher Sucks – and People Have a Right To Say So And Explain Why”

Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal (letter from advice column)

Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal

I like to see comments from people who acknowledge you don’t need to be in a romantic partnership to be whole or happy.

Not that I am against anyone wanting to get married – I know when you want to marry (or have a boyfriend) it can be difficult or frustrating or lonely at times. I get that.

But at the same time, it can be so insulting to deal with the recurrent attitudes in American culture that one is a big, fat “zero” unless one is married (or has a boyfriend – or, if you’re a guy, a girlfriend or wife), or, your life is somehow sub par or lacking if you are not married.

This is from advice columnist Carolyn Hax:

Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal

    Woman can set an example for her son that security and happiness don’t flow exclusively from romantic bonds.

The letter:

Dear Carolyn,

    My husband committed suicide a year ago and it’s been absolutely horrifying, not only for me, but for my 8-year-old son as well.

Recently, I have been trying to date and mingle due to my son’s worry I will be alone. I’m 30 and feel as though I’m doing something wrong. When I took my vows, I meant them, so I feel like I’m cheating or being unfaithful to my husband. He chose to do what he did, so should I be feeling this guilt when on a date? Please help.

Part of Hax’s reply:

    I am so sorry. That is such a heavy thing to carry with you.

Those vows, presumably, were “till death do us part,” so they don’t impose guilt, they absolve you of it.

But also please free yourself of any pressure to date.

I realize you want to ease your son’s mind now. I fear you could unwittingly hurt him later, though, by reinforcing his idea that alone = bad or dating = pain relief.

It’s okay to be alone while you’re healing; it’s okay not to be interested in dating, yet or ever; it’s okay to be open to having a partner — but also open to being single unless and until you meet a worthy one.

It’s okay to find companionship through friends, family, colleagues, the regulars at the coffee shop, pets — as in, however it’s available — instead of in one specific form over which no one has full control.

In fact, in looking for security or happiness in a romantic bond, just for the sake of having one, you subtly reinforce the idea that those things are available only through someone else. Please model for him an adult who is whole. Grieving, for sure, but complete.


Related Posts:

(Link): Grieving for My Sex Life After My Husband Died by A. Radosh

(Link):  Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

(Link): Widows and Childless and Childfree Have Better Well Being Than Married Couples and Parents says new study

(Link): Widower to Advice Columnist Talks about Being Stereotyped by Married Couples or Ignored by Other Marrieds Since His Wife has Died

(Link): Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link): Study: People today living alone more than ever before

(Link): Live alone? You’re not alone (from CBS news)

Self Professing Christian Guy, Closeted Homosexual, Apparently Killed His Wife (or had her killed) – Also: Christian Group IHOP Sexualizes Jesus Christ and God

Christian Guy, Closeted Homosexual, Apparently Killed His Wife (or had her killed)

Another splendid example of why Christian single women are just as well off dating and marrying Non Christians guys as they are Christian males.

    Disclaimer: I am not suggesting by posting such stories that ALL Christian males are closeted homosexuals, abusive, killers, perverts, crack pots, or weirdos, but enough of them are in the news stories I see to have convinced me by now that Non Christian males are no more a risk to date or marry.

Found via “Stuff Christian Culture Likes” Facebook group:

(Link): Love and Death In the House of Prayer

    Tyler Deaton, a self-appointed apostle in one of the fastest-growing evangelical movements, loved Jesus, Harry Potter and, much to his dismay, other men. When his wife turned up dead, the secrets began to spill out

According to this article from Rolling Stone, Deaton became a member of something called IHOP (International House of Prayer) founded by another guy who sounds equally crack-potish, Bickle. The article described some of the group’s beliefs – many of which are nutty and have zero biblical support.

The following is from page two, referring to the girl (Bethany) who this Tyler person later married and, according to the article, either killed or had killed:

    She [Bethany] could also be lavishly, almost immoderately romantic. She imagined herself as a novelist and professor at a small university, living in a cottage in the woods. “The dream of her heart was to be married,” Herrington recalls. “We used to stay up late talking about it, night after night. She had been praying for her husband since she was a teenager. She had written him letters, before they even met.” She found herself “fiercely attracted” to Deaton and was convinced that God had ordained their union. She was aware of his struggles with homosexuality but believed that God would use her to heal his heart.

There you have it, Christian ladies: you can pray and rely on God to send you a spouse – as so many Christian leaders, dating books, and preachers advise – and end up marrying an apparently violent, psychotic, closeted homosexual, instead of the hetero, Christian White Knight on a Steed you were hoping for and expecting.

One wonders why God, if he exists, would allow a Christian young woman, who was trusting him in this area of her life, (and as Christian girls are heavily encouraged to do by leaders and parents), only for God to let her down in such a spectacular fashion?

The founder of the IHOP group to which Deaton belonged appears to have sexualized Jesus Christ, and the relationships Christians have with him, though he claims this is not so: