I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz

I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz

I feel for this lady. This man who contacted her on this dating app sounds like a narcissistic, arrogant, entitled douche.

This woman doesn’t strike me as being like the entitled, obese, progressive “body positivity” or “fat acceptance” women who say bizarre things – like dieting is a part of white supremacy – and who demand that thin men date them.

The woman in the story below does appear to be on the large size (there were photos of her on the page), but she doesn’t have an entitled “attitude,” so, IMO, the guy who texted her back was being unnecessarily rude about the whole thing – he’s also a flaming A-hole and someone should kick him in the balls repeatedly for how he thinks about women, and how he treated this particular woman.

Amended this post to add the following observations:
The article says she met this guy on a “Christian” dating app (Plenty of Fish). I want to educate the married Christians out there, who keep hyping “Christian dating sites” to their lonely heart single friends: stop doing it because “Christian dating sites” are also filled with jerks, abusers, and rapists.

Years ago, I was on a few dating web sites, one of which was considered to be “Christian,” and the so-called self professing Christian men on those sites who approached me were gross, their profiles were peppered with inappropriate sexual talk
– I may blog here about sexual topics (and get quite frank about it), but when I’m on a dating site, I don’t want to see sex jokes or smutty humor on a guy’s profile, nor do I openly and frankly discuss sex-related stuff on any of my old dating site profiles, nor did I engage in “smutty” humor talk with any of the men who contacted me (I kept things clean).

There have been news stories in the last ten years of MARRIED Christian men (with HIV and AIDS) who lie and say they’re single and then meet single women on dating sites, some of which are “Christian” dating sites.

There was a serial rapist who said he was a Christian to women he met on dating sites, but once he’d get to know them and then meet them in person, he’d rape them (here’s one post on my blog about that).

So… secular and “Christian” dating sites and dating apps are not guarantees for meeting quality, up-standing, loving men. Meaning, you idiot Christian married couples out there need to stop dishing out the simplistic advice of “Just join Plenty of Fish or eHarmony to get a Christian spouse!” – we singles have tried that, and for a lot of us, those sites have NOT worked.

(Link): I liked a ‘high-value’ man’s photo on a dating app — he rejected me because I’m ‘fat’

Dec 8, 2022
By Adriana Diaz

A plus-size mom claims she was harassed last month by a man on a dating app with self-proclaimed “above average” looks and “high values.”

“It was so ridiculous that it was comical,” Krista Brown told Kennedy News.

Brown, 36, said she downloaded the Christian dating app Plenty of Fish in November after being single for three years. She was unprepared for the cringeworthy communications she said she received from a match who turned out to be a mismatch.

The Minnesota budget support specialist recalled thinking the cyberspace Casanova was “kind of cute” despite his “pathetic mustache.” She claims she swiped right, but didn’t message him. She says the unidentified man reached out to her — in a big way.

“He sent me a whole huge, long paragraph asking why I think I’m worthy of dating him, and what do I bring to the equation? He had a very condescending tone. He was so absolutely ridiculous,” she lamented.

Continue reading “I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz”

Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead

Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead

 This is not the first time I’ve come across this sort of thing. I have another blog post or two from the past several years detailing letters by widowed women who say their dead husband was abusive or a big jerk, and they are thrilled the husband is dead.

(Link): Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead

DEAR ABBY:
I have been a widow for six months.

My late husband was a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic.

I spent numerous nights in the ER waiting to be seen and nursed many black eyes throughout the years.

During all those years of abuse, which was witnessed by numerous friends and family, I remained faithful and dedicated to him and our marriage, but due to the toxicity of our relationship I was severely depressed and needed antidepressants.

I tried many times to get him help and had family interventions, only to end up being threatened with getting all my teeth knocked out.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: I’m Happy Now That My Abusive Ex is Dead”

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive Your Abuser – The Unintended Fallout: Possible Emotional Abuse or Exploitation Of Your Codependent Friend or Family Member

To Forgive Or Not To Forgive Your Abuser – The Unintended Fallout: Possible Emotional Abuse or Exploitation Of Your Codependent Friend or Family Member

I was watching a video today by psychologist Dr. Ramani, who I like very much, and I agree with her most of the time.

I even agree with most of her comments in this particular recent video she made that I will be discussing in this post, but it brought to mind one over-looked aspect pertaining to volatile or abusive relationships.

In the video (link to that video here, and I will embed it below, the title is, “Is there virtue in forgiving a narcissist who doesn’t apologize?”), Dr. Ramani expressed that she pretty much disagrees with the concept that people should have to forgive others, or that forgiving others makes a person stronger, etc.

Dr. Ramani rightly points out in that video that continually forgiving pathologically narcissistic persons is a waste of your time, for various reasons I shall not explain here (you can watch her video for explanations). I do agree with her on that.

If someone in your life keeps hurting, abusing, or mistreating you, no matter how many times you’ve forgiven them and given them a second, third, etc, chance,
you need to accept the fact this person is more than likely NEVER going to change and that they merely view your willingness to always forgive him or her as a weakness to repeatedly exploit.
So cut that person from your life, or limit time around them.

It’s not that I disagree with Dr. Ramani’s comments in the video on the face of things, but, I am concerned for Codependents.

On a similar note, in years past, I’ve also read books or seen videos about how people can help their abused friends.

I’ve seen videos by women who divorced their abusive husbands who reel off a list of tips on how you, the friend, can be supportive towards the friend in the abusive marriage.

These videos, books, and online articles, contain lists of things to say or to avoid saying when trying to help someone who is currently in an abusive relationship or someone who was abused in childhood.

Many of these books, videos, and web pages (most by therapists, psychologists or recovered abusive victims) often stress that you, the friend, should just sit and listen to the friend – just validate the friend, do not give advice, judge, or criticize.

I am a recovered Codependent (I wrote a very, very long post about that here).

I am also an Introvert. Introverts naturally make better attentive listeners than Extroverts.

So, as someone who is an Introvert and a one-time Codependent, I was very adept at giving the sort of emotional support a lot of troubled people seek out and find comforting.

For over 35 years, due to the parenting of my mother and the guilt tripping-, sexist-, Codependent- pushing- teachings under “gender complementarianism” of the Southern Baptist church I was brought up in, I had no boundaries, I was not assertive, and it was implied it is my job or responsibility in life to rescue or help other people, whatever format that came in.

All of that was taught to me as I grew up under the false, gender complementarian assumption (and my mother and father bought into some of this thinking too) that God created women to be more caring than men, it would be un-feminine or selfish for a woman to have boundaries, and I was taught that it was women’s “duty” to be care-takers for the hurting.

For me, most often, the support and care-taking my Mom and church taught me to engage in came in the form of “Emotional Labor,” and it made my already bad mental health in years past even worse.

(I was diagnosed at a very young age with clinical depression, I also had anxiety disorders and had low self esteem for many years. I no longer have depression or low self esteem.)

If you are an abuse victim, or if you’ve been bullied at a job, or you were abused in a marriage, or you were sexually or physically abused as a child by a family member (or by a neighbor, or by whomever),
I know it can be helpful, now, as an adult, to sit and talk to an empathetic listener about it, it can feel so good for that listener to sit quietly while you do most of the talking, and for that person to validate you and your experiences.

It can be very healing and feel like a tremendous relief for that listener to refrain from victim blaming you, offering advice or platitudes.

It can help in the healing process for another adult to believe you and just offer non-judgmental emotional support as you relate your trauma and pain to them.

I realize all that.

But have you ever considered that the caring, non-judgmental, empathetic person you keep turning to, whether it’s a friend or a family member, might be highly codependent and your repeated use of that person as your emotional support system may be damaging to THAT PERSON?

Because I was that person, for over 35 years.

I was the sweet, caring, understanding, supportive listener that many people – co-workers on jobs, family, neighbors, friends –
would call, e-mail, snail mail, or text with their problems, because they KNEW I would always listen to them rant (for hours on end, if need be, over months and years), I would NEVER put time limits on their rants, and I would ALWAYS respond in a timely fashion to ranting or sad e-mails or texts.

I spent over 35 years giving a lot of non-qualified, no-strings-attached emotional support to a lot of emotionally wounded or abused people over my life.

Some of these people called or e-mailed me over job stress, health problems, troubled marriages, financial issues, or, they were single and were lonely – they couldn’t get a boyfriend (or girlfriend).

None of these people who called or texted me to complain or sob to me ever once considered how their regular, negative phone calls (or letters or face to face chats) were impacting me. For the ones who considered it, I suppose they didn’t care.

If you choose not to forgive your abuser, that is your choice to make, but…

Be aware that if you choose to not forgive but to also hold on to your hurt and anger, and to choose to ruminate on the abuse,
and should you choose to deal with and vent that anger and hurt by regularly calling your Codependent friend to listen to your rants or sobbing – you are abusing your Codependent friend or family member, which is not acceptable.

In all the years I granted emotional support to hurting people (including but not limited to co-workers who’d stop by my cubicle during work hours to bend my ear for an hour or more about their divorce or health problems), I was never once thanked.

The non-stop support I gave was never acknowledged. And giving that non-stop support was exhausting and taxing for me, as I know it can be for other Codependent persons.

A “thank you” once in awhile from these people who came to me to dump their problems on me would’ve been appreciated. I never got one.

Reciprocation would’ve been appreciated and helpful too, but the people who were abuse survivors, or assorted chronic complainers who used me to vent to, very rarely to never asked about ME and MY struggles in life.

Continue reading “To Forgive Or Not To Forgive Your Abuser – The Unintended Fallout: Possible Emotional Abuse or Exploitation Of Your Codependent Friend or Family Member”

Regarding Serial Killer Jeff Dahmer – and Including the Three Part Dahmer Series on Dr. Phil

Regarding Serial Killer Jeff Dahmer – and Including the Three Part Dahmer Series on Dr. Phil

The parents of Jeff Dahmer say they always called him “Jeff,” not “Jeffrey,” as the media always did, so I’ll try to remember to call him “Jeff” too.

I was in college, a 20-something college student, when news of police having found human remains in Dahmer’s apartment first broke.

I watched days of unfolding TV news coverage about Dahmer, as well as read about the case daily in the printed news paper of the city I lived in at the time.

(I was a little kid when the John Wayne Gacy story broke – I was a kid watching daily news coverage of that story.)

dahmerMugshot

I’ve always been interested in psychology on and off over my life, and I took psychology courses when I was a college student (though I went on to get a degree and career in a totally different field).

I’m interested in learning why people behave as though they do, and with serial killers, that’s no exception.

When television shows and documentaries began airing again the last  several months about Dahmer, I watched a lot of them.

I also watched all of the Netflix dramatization about Dahmer starring Evan Peters. I watched it twice.

The NetFlix show either omitted a few details here or there, and conflated a few real life people into one or two fictional characters, but the show, the overall picture it painted of Jeff, was pretty accurate – I think the show maker was striving combine being factual with being entertaining, or using art to make a point, so maybe a few details here or there were wrong, but my sense is that the overall story was fairly accurate.

I am not claiming to be a Jeff Dahmer expert, but I’ve read enough about the guy (including first-hand, 1990s era police, psychiatry examination, or court documents in pdf format), and seen enough news coverage (both then and now) to get an idea.

I’m not an expert on the matter, but I am also not an un-educated dunce.

Some of the newer Dahmer documentaries I’ve seen via streaming services, many of which seem to be British-produced, contain errors, as do some recent American internet based articles.

A few days ago, Dr. Phil, of the Dr. Phil television program, did a three part series about Jeff Dahmer on his show, and clips of most of those are on Dr. Phil’s You Tube channel, such as (Link): here, Dr. Phil Interviews Jeffrey Dahmer’s Father – Full Interview (14 minutes long).

There are more video clips than that on Dr. Phil’s You Tube from his Dahmer series, but I don’t feel like linking to them all right now.

Steven Hicks, Dahmer’s First Victim, Was Not Homosexual

One falsehood I keep seeing repeated on these documentaries and some of the online articles is that Dahmer’s first victim, Steven Hicks, was either a homosexual or willingly participated in homosexual sex acts with Dahmer.

Both claims are false.

Hicks was not homosexual, and he did not engage in consensual sex acts with Dahmer.

Dahmer even said, during the interview process (with either one of his defense attorneys or the police detectives, I don’t recall which), that in the course of getting to know Hicks, he clearly learned that Hicks was a hetero guy, which Dahmer said disappointed him, but even though Hicks was hetero, he was going to get what he wanted from Hicks regardless.

In some other interview or line of questioning, I remember Dahmer saying his obsession got to the degree he no longer cared if a man he found physically attractive was hetero-sexual or homo-sexual.

Even if a man was hetero, Dahmer said he didn’t care, that he would still try to drug the guy, knock him out through drugs, and fondle him.

But I periodically see recent Dahmer documentaries or online articles state that Hicks was gay – Hicks was NOT gay.

The only “sex” Dahmer had with Hicks was after Dahmer murdered Hicks – Dahmer admits after killing Hicks that he stood over Hicks’ body and masturbated to the sight of the dead body.

I don’t recall after that if Dahmer committed more sex acts with Hicks’ corpse or not, but regardless, Hicks was DEAD after Dahmer did anything sexual to him.

You can read a little more about Hicks here, if you like.

I am not saying it is acceptable for Jeff Dahmer to have killed homosexual men (which he did in fact later go on to do), because quite obviously, that was not okay or moral behavior.

I just cringe at inaccurate reporting about this topic (or any other topic). Journalists and television producers should get their facts correct, even if it’s merely a schlocky, cheaply made documentary they’re contributing to.

No Animal Abuse or Animal Cruelty

Some documentaries, shows, or online articles incorrectly state that Dahmer abused or tortured animals, which is false.

Some shows – such as Dr. Phil’s recent three part Dahmer series – implied at one point that Jeff Dahmer killed a dog and put the dog’s head on a pike.

That is false.

Unless Jeff was lying about the incident to police and later to his father, he did not kill the dog and then decapitate it;
he found the dog already dead and then decapitated it – which still is disturbing and disrespectful behavior, but he didn’t kill the dog in order to dissect the animal, which is the point.

Dahmer is the rare serial killer (similar to Dennis Nilsen) who apparently did not torture or hurt animals.

(I am open to new information on this topic, but again, from what I have read and seen over the years, Dahmer was not known to have engaged in torturing animals or killing them.)

However, Dr. Phil and his guest on the show, a lady (I forget her name) who is an ex psychiatric nurse and ex FBI profiler, kept incorrectly referring to Dahmer as having the Dark Triad (read more about that on Wikipedia) and as having the Macdonald triad.

Continue reading “Regarding Serial Killer Jeff Dahmer – and Including the Three Part Dahmer Series on Dr. Phil”

Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Danger of Victimhood Mentality

Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Dangers of Victimhood Mentality

I wanted to explain a few things before I paste in excerpts from the article about victimhood by Gunderman, so nobody will misunderstand my views upfront.

I do think there are actual victims out there in life, including in the Christian church context. I am not denying that.

I recognize that sometimes painful or unfair things happen to all of us in life, and sometimes those painful things are due to other people’s cruelty, incompetence, negligence, or sins against us, and not due to any personal moral failings or choices we make.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people through no fault of those people. One can be more sinned against than sinner.

A few years ago, there was a guy on Twitter with several accounts (he seemed to be a Christian), all of which were disgustingly used to mock victims of church abuse or of sexual abuse whose churches tried to cover up the abuse.

I think he later deleted these accounts, or his accounts received so many complaints from others that Twitter deleted them all.

One of his Twitter accounts used the name “Victim Princess,” as if to suggest that any and all women who spoke out against abuse they received by their churches or by Christians was nothing but entitled, petty whining with no merit. I was appalled by his account.

This guy would do things like actually tweet rude or nasty comments at Christian women on Twitter who discussed how their church covered up their abuse by other church members.

Politically, I am a conservative, and I do not agree with the vast majority of liberal or progressive “woke,” intersectional identity politics, which is largely based on victimhood mentality.

In progressive identity politics, different identity groups end up competing for “who is the most oppressed and biggest victim in life,” which creates (not solves) all sorts of problems.

However, while I do think that the “woke” go over-board with their grievance culture mentality, that does not mean that people who complain about having been hurt in life are always lying, exaggerating, or trying to get special accommodations.

Out of Knee Jerk Dislike of Wokeness, Among Other Factors, Sadly, Too Often, Too Many Conservatives Minimize Actual Abuse

While some progressives over-play the “victim card” to exploit and manipulate others, it is still wrong for conservatives to deny, minimize, or to reject altogether that churches do usually cover up sexual abuse in their midst or by their members.

It is wrong for conservatives to fail to acknowledge the reality that most pastors and churches do in fact fail domestic abuse victims and constantly enable abusers.

I do think that most churches are insensitive and incompetent at handling abuse among their members, and that should change.

There is such a thing as a victim. People can be exploited, hurt, and abused by other people – that is not something that “woke” liberals and progressives are making up.

I’m a conservative who has been taken advantage of and bullied through my life by school mates, my ex fiance, siblings, co-workers on jobs, etc., and this through no fault of my own.

Victims do actually exist.

Conservatives can and have been abused and mistreated on an individual and group level, whether by liberal and progressive persons and policies, or by their spouses or bosses on jobs.

At one time or another, we’ve all been bullied, abused, harassed, exploited, or on the receiving end of rude or cutting comments, regardless of our identity or political beliefs.

It is therefore unrealistic and cruel for conservatives to act like any and every person who claims victim status is a sensitive snowflake or is lying about it.

Flip Side of Coin: People Who Choose to Stay in Victimhood Status (yes, it’s ultimately a choice), Refuse to Move Forward

However, I have seen people, and groups of people, who – whether they are actual victims or not – wallow in victimhood status and victimhood mentality, and this is not acceptable, either.

Some of those still participating in the “exvangelical” (ex-evangelical) tag over on Twitter in 2022, which has been going on for several years now, are one example of this.

I’ve seen so many people, under that “exvangelical” tag,  as well as non-ex-evangelical people I once befriended online,
or people (including family members I’ve had, real life friends and co-workers) who may have been honestly victimized and wounded in childhood or adulthood, but they remain “stuck” in their rage, anger, and hurt – they still think of themselves as victims, and they want to be viewed as victims.

They want to be endlessly coddled and validated.

These are people who are very resistant to, or who refuse to take, the only avenue out of the pain, regret, anger, and disappointment and into joy, peace, and happiness – which includes, after a period of grieving and anger (that comes to an end and does not go on indefinitely),

  • accepting, once for all, what happened to them,
    realizing that remaining focused on external causes and other people (ie, their abuser or abusive church) is keeping them “stuck,”
  • to make a deliberate decision at some point to move forward, whether they “feel like it” or not
    (i.e., to no longer stew in anger, to ruminate, stew in past wrongs done against them, to dwell on how life is unfair, to dwell upon the idea they are a good person who didn’t deserve the abuse, etc),
  • to realize in order to change their life for the better, they will have to look inwards,
    which will allow them to get to the next healing point…
  • take personal responsibility for their life, healing,
    and realize if you want your life to change,
    you will have to get active and make changes yourself
    – sitting around all day doing things like watching TV or complaining to people on social media about how life, your former church, God, or your abuser, treated you so unfairly
    (even if any and all those things are in fact true, ie, you WERE treated horribly and unfairly)
    – won’t ultimately help you in the long run, it won’t make the necessary changes;
    complaining frequently, and receiving validation that, yes, what happened to you was horrible and wrong, and yes, you were a victim who didn’t deserve abuse, will only offer temporary emotional relief but will not produce long lasting inner peace and happiness

Stewing in anger, hurt, and regret and enjoying or wanting to receive validation that one did not deserve to be abused, is all but a step in the overall journey of healing.
It is the first step… but too many victims want to stay in Step One forever and ever, rather than moving through the rest of the steps.

Yes, there should be time limits on how long you are angry, ruminating, and upset and wanting to receive validation – a lot of therapists and victims (and former victims) get upset when this view point is stated, but it’s true.

Maybe that time limit is different for each victim and should not be rushed – which is fine.

HOWEVER, I do not support any person staying mired in “victimhood land” perpetually.

Staying in step one – never getting over or past the anger and hurt, refusing to let go or from even considering to do so, being addicted to external validation like it’s a drug one craves and needs – is one huge component of what keeps people trapped in depression, anger, pain, and from enjoying the rest of their life.

If you feel perpetually wounded, hurt, or angry, as long as you keep shifting blame towards those outside you (even if yes, those others deserve that blame), as long as you continue to dwell on being angry at your abuser, at God, life circumstances, or former churches that treated you like trash, you’ll never be able to move on and enjoy life again.

You have to look inwards in order to move forward, and that is a choice one has to make, because it won’t instantaneously happen.

Furthermore, your emotions will never magically change on their own; you will never “feel” like getting up, making changes, and moving forward. It’s a matter or choice and self discipline.

So if your mindset is, “I will make changes and move on when I feel like it, when my emotions change,” that is never going to happen.

Moving on is more a matter of will.

While I do think there are actual victims out there (and anti-woke conservatives need to be sensitive to these persons),
I’m also aware of legitimate victims who cannot or who refuse to move on,

-and there are persons with Covert or Vulnerable Narcissism (a personality disorder – more about that on this blog (Link): here and (Link): here), a hallmark of which is holding a life-long self-pitying, victimhood mentality – these people, of their own accord, are mired in depression and misery of their own making, because they refuse to look inwards and take personal responsibility.

Covert Narcissists, for one, prefer to point the finger of blame for their misery at their family of origin, God, and / or their former church, ex-spouses, and so on. They never want to look at how their attitudes or actions keep them in a limited, unhappy situation.

Sorry for that very long intro, but I didn’t want anyone to get to the following link and excerpts and think by posting it that I am in denial that yes, at times in life, sometimes people have legitimate pain and grievances and can be honest to goodness victims.

I do believe there are honest- to- goodness victims out there and that these victims deserve compassion, empathy, and justice,
but – however –
I am also aware that, unfortunately, some people, whether legitimate victim or not, will milk and exploit a “victim” label to lash out at others, to demand special treatment (at the expense of others), and that  clinging to a “victim” identity and view of themselves will cause them to remain stuck in unhappiness.

I have more commentary below this link with excerpts:

Pathologies of Victimhood – the Essay

(Link): Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – Victimhood Mentality

Excerpts:

by Richard Gunderman
November 13, 2022

[Piece opens by discussing the late Sacheen Littlefeather, who claimed to be a Native American but who was actually of Mexican descent. She wanted to be viewed as a Native American to depict herself as an undertrodden member of a victim class.
As someone who actually is part Native American, I don’t view myself as a victim, so I find her ploy strange]

…Everyone has experienced genuine victimization at some point in their lives. Some have been the victims of political persecution and violent assault, while others have suffered lesser slights, such as bullying, verbal insults, and interruptions when speaking.

Most of us have also experienced situations where presumed victimhood stemmed from a mistaken assumption—for example, a driver who “cut off” a fellow motorist by abruptly changing lanes might appear to harbor malicious intent, but it might turn out that he was merely attempting to get to the hospital as quickly as possible to be with an ailing loved one.

Some among us, however, have a habit of adopting a posture of victimhood too easily and too often, a tendency that can damage communities, interpersonal relationships, and supposed victims themselves.

Continue reading “Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Danger of Victimhood Mentality”

No Red Flags: Woman Discusses Discovering Her Seemingly Normal, Loving Husband was a Sexual Manipulator who Committed Adultery Many Times (podcast)

No Red Flags: Woman Discusses Discovering Her Seemingly Normal, Loving Husband was a Sexual Manipulator who Committed Adultery Many Times (podcast)

I listened to part one of this podcast (I guess there is a part two), and the woman interviewed (Jennifer) says she knew her husband (Spencer) for a few years and dated him for one before marrying him.

She said both before and after she married him, he seemed like a genuinely loving, caring person. She never had a clue that the guy was online or manipulating 20-something college students at his job for sex, but that is what he did.

Part one of this podcast is about 35 minutes long. I will see if I can find part two, and if so, I will link to that one as well.

Even though there may not always be red flags in a dating relationship (or in co-workers at jobs you have, or in friendships), it still pays to study these personality disorders and learn what the red flags are, because a lot of these warped or selfish individuals do in fact exhibit red flags.

You can still avoid a lot of jerks, emotional vampires, and abusers because a lot of them do exhibit red flags. Certainly not all, but quite a few do.

I want to emphasize that you can run across toxic people in ALL areas of life, NOT JUST IN DATING OR MARRIAGE!

You can suffer almost as much as, or the same amount, of stress and damage from a toxic boss or toxic friend or toxic sibling or toxic parent as you can from a toxic boyfriend or toxic husband or toxic wife.

My one pet peeve with 99% of discussion online among abuse survivors or psychologists about toxic people is that they regularly feature discussion of dating or romance.

Well, I have never been married (though I was engaged to a selfish guy and broke up with him), but I have had issues over the course of my life with being swindled or bullied by toxic co-workers in workplaces or with verbally abusive, toxic siblings, etc etc.

People who discuss abuse online need to expand beyond discussing unhealthy people only in the parameters of dating and marriage. Believe me, you can (and will) be hosed, abused, and used by non-romantic partners in life, not just boyfriends or wives or husbands.

If I accidentally linked to the incorrect episodes below, you can search for the correct links on the (Link): main podcast title page, “Navigating Narcissism,” on iHeart.

(Link – to podcast, via iHeart (also available on Apple and other platforms)): Secrets of a Narcissist w/ Betrayal Podcast hosts Jenifer Faison and Andrea Gunning Pt. 1 – approx 35 minutes long

October 5, 2022 (description of episode):

Jenifer Faison and Andrea Gunning of Betrayal Podcast join Dr. Ramani to discuss Jen’s marriage to her college sweetheart. What she thought was rekindled romance, led to the most shocking discovery when her husband’s dark secrets were revealed by the police.

Listen to Part 1 of 2 episodes, to learn how Jenifer and Andrea came to collaborate and create their podcast, Betrayal  and how Jen overcame this incredibly difficult moment in her life.

Part 2:

(Link – to podcast on iHeart): Secrets of a Narcissist w/ Betrayal Podcast hosts Jenifer Faison and Andrea Gunning Pt. 2 – 46 minutes long

Oct 13, 2022

Jenifer Faison and Andrea Gunning of Betrayal Podcast continue to share their story in part 2 of their episode. Dr. Ramani, Jenifer and Andrea dive deeper into how Jen dealt with Spencer’s lovers.

Continue reading “No Red Flags: Woman Discusses Discovering Her Seemingly Normal, Loving Husband was a Sexual Manipulator who Committed Adultery Many Times (podcast)”

Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown

Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown

The essay I am excerpting below is pretty good and contains a lot of truth.

It’s certainly true that a person who wanted marriage but remains single can eventually learn to accept their own single status, mostly make peace with it, but well-meaning friends and family (Christians are the worst, they worship marriage),
can make one of their well-meaning comments, and it can send you spiraling – until you learn to let it bounce off you, develop boundaries, and let that well-meaning person know that their comment does offend or hurt, even if that wasn’t their intent.

I also recall years ago seeing Christian singer Carman, who died in 2021, who was single until he got married in his 50s, say on a TBN program (while he was single) that he would be going along okay in life doing just FINE with his single status,
until he’d run into a Christian friend or family member who’d make those passing, sometimes well meaning, comments or questions like, “Why are you still single? Aren’t you depressed or lonely being single?”

Carman said on those occasions, his thoughts were, “You know, I WAS doing okay with being single UNTIL you had to rub my single status in my face and act like I SHOULD feel inadequate about it.”

The following is from Relevant, which only permits a person up to around five free articles per month:

(Link): Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single?

Excerpts:

by Emily Brown

As a lifelong single person, I’ve had a lot of time to come to terms with my singleness. And not even just come to terms and begrudgingly accept it, but truly learn to enjoy and love being single.

So when people ask how I feel about being single I don’t have to fake a smile. I excitedly share the happiness and joy I feel about being single.

That being said, there are still moments where I do feel sadness or shame or embarrassment about my singleness.

Do you know why? It’s because of the response people give me when I tell them how I feel about being single. Because when I tell people that I’m single they often respond with some iteration of:

“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon!”

Uh, thanks?

Nowhere in my explanation of my relationship status did I mention I was upset or worried.

Yet why do people — and let me be clear on which people I am specifically talking about: already married Christians — always assume I am sad about being single?

It has been a long, long journey to finding happiness. I worked really, really hard to unlearn the lie that being with someone would make my life complete and replace it with the truth that God is all I need.

I had to realize that there isn’t anything wrong with me and being single is not a curse.

…But it can take just a few words from well-meaning, ultimately misguided people to crack holes in my happiness.

Continue reading “Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown”

Homosexual Actor Inexplicably Blames Heterosexuals For Failure of Homosexual Rom Com Movie Tanking at Box Office

Homosexual Actor Inexplicably Blames Heterosexuals For Failure of Homosexual Rom Com Movie Tanking at Box Office

I have no idea how straights can be blamed for a homosexual rom com movie failing to make big bucks at the box office. But here we are.

Why would the director (co-writer?), Eichner, who I think also had a role in this movie, assume that heterosexuals would want to sit through a movie about homosexual guys?

Especially when the marketing indicated that the movie would take pot shots at heterosexuals (joking about how heterosexuals are “so over”), the marketing and Eichner, the film’s co-writer, hit people over the head with the notion that the movie was primarily for and about LGBT persons.

I also think with all the streaming services and with the impact of Covid that people just don’t go to the movies so much any more – unless it’s Tom Cruise’s “Top Gun Maverick.”

Also – I am a conservative. I’ve been told by Hollywood – most of whom are far left wingers – that persons with my political views are not welcome. They have said in years past they hate conservatives and don’t want us to see their movies.

In addition, I have no desire to see two men kiss each other, get romantic or sexual (I’m also not a fan of hetero couples getting it on in movies, either).

Hollywood spends a lot of time lecturing and insulting white, non-homosexual people but then they get bent out of shape when we quite understandably don’t want to see whatever movies they’re putting out, especially if it’s about a revered pet group of theirs, such as LGBT.

I am under NO OBLIGATION to attend any movie. None.

I am under NO OBLIGATION to validate anyone.

I am under no obligation to validate or celebrate anyone’s life style choices, which includes their sexual behavior.

I don’t think progressives can accept that others don’t owe them affirmation.

This homosexual actor/script writer should stop blaming heterosexuals for his failures, especially given today’s climate, where far left Hollywood constantly shames white, straight, Christians, and conservatives for being white, straight, Christian, and/or conservative.

It’s so narcissistic to expect people to take abuse off of you but then also support you. You can’t have it both ways.

(Link): Billy Eichner says he’s disappointed as Bros finished in fourth place on its opening weekend

Bros writer and actor Billy Eichner took to Twitter on Sunday to reflect on the disappointing performance of his gay romcom at the box office following its opening weekend.

The 44-year-old actor-comedian issued a series of tweets about the film, which is the first LGBTQ romantic comedy given a large release by a major studio.

Despite a $22million production budget and rave reviews, the film took in just $4.8million and landed fourth place at the US box office.

(Link):  BILLY EICHNERSEEMS TO BLAME HOMOPHOBIA …For ‘Bros’ Box Office Bomb

(Link): Hollywood’s Latest Box Office Bomb Is Your Fault, According to Billy Eichner 

Billy Eichner’s gay romantic comedy performed dismally. He sees where the fault lies, and it is not with his film.

This is an occurrence that happens infrequently yet consistently over the years in Hollywood. A new property arrives and it is declared “Important,” — t bears all the earmarks of progressive activism, and that is all the reason to promote it heavily and expect great returns. Then, when things go sideways, the next thing to do is to not look at the problems with your product but rage at what is said to be “the true cause” of your poor result – the audience.

(Link): Nolte: Woke ‘Bros’ Delivers Another Weekend Box Office Bust

Excerpts:

by John Nolte

The woketards at TheWrap assured us Bros, an R-rated, homosexual romantic comedy released in 3,350 theaters, would — and I quote — “Kick Off Box Office Revival.”

Why would anyone think that?

I’ll confess I didn’t expect Bros to die-die-die with a, lol, $4.8 million opening, but…

How bubbled do you have to be to predict a gay movie filled with gay sex and gay talking points disguised as dialogue would succeed at the box office?

The American people have no problem with gay-themed comedies. Twenty-seven years ago, The Birdcage (1996) was a huge hit that drew $124 million domestic. In today’s dollars, that’s almost a quarter of a billion — with “B” — dollars domestic.

Can you imagine any comedy making $250 million domestic these days? Comedies suck today.

So why did the public flock to The Birdcage and avoid Bros like the plague?

Continue reading “Homosexual Actor Inexplicably Blames Heterosexuals For Failure of Homosexual Rom Com Movie Tanking at Box Office”

Overcoming a Narcissistic Husband and a Church that Enabled Him – Podcast

Overcoming a Narcissistic Husband and a Church that Enabled Him – Podcast

The following is a podcast. The identical episode is available on several different hosts, including iHeart media, Apple, and I forget where all else.

I listened to this podcast, then went back and re-listened to the first ten or so minutes of it, but the podcast did not go into detail in explaining how this woman’s church enabled this (not that I recall), but I’ve seen enough over the years to guess why and how.

Most Christians, and I include church preachers in this, are ignorant about Cluster B personality disorders (under which Narcissism falls), so they actually expect women to stay married to individuals who lack empathy and/or a conscience- this is not a realistic, safe, sane, or compassionate response or perspective, by the way – most Christians, especially preachers, are huge morons on these topics.

(Not that secular culture is great at understanding these topics, either.)

There is currently no ‘cure’ for Cluster B personality disorders, and they are quite therapy-resistant (especially Narcissism and Anti-Social), so it’s quite unrealistic for Christians to instruct someone married to a “Cluster B” person to tell them to just “submit more” to the spouse, or to just “pray and trust the Lord” and to tell them divorce is always prohibited, no matter the situation.

Goodness knows that gender complementarian Christians don’t help matters, in that under the false, un-biblical “complementarian” or “biblical womanhood” teachings they love to spout off, they essentially ask or guilt trip  Christian girls and women into adopting Codependent, people pleasing behaviors, to lack boundaries, and to endure abuse or mistreatment.

However, the Bible teaches personal responsibility for each person and does not teach that God wants or expects girls or women to remain in abusive relationships, but to leave them and to avoid them in the first place, if possible.

God gave girls and women discernment and wisdom and expects them to use it – to high tail it out of abusive situations, for one thing, not sit there and put up with it, all because Pastor John Doe has a faulty interpretation of the Bible.

It’s not up to any girl or woman to “change” a man, nor is it possible, certainly not in the case of Cluster B personality disorders. Women are not the Holy Spirit. It is not up to women to sanctify a man. It is that man’s responsibility to fix his own problems.

It’s possible I am misunderstanding things, but by “enabling,” I think the lady interviewed (who was married to a Narcissistic Sociopath named John) seemed to be saying that she was living with John as boyfriend-girlfriend, and he manipulated her into marrying him by continually nagging her with the observation that she was “living in sin,” which her church would not approve of.

They, her church, would expect her to make things right by getting married, and not living together as boyfriend and girlfriend, seemed to be the point.

Her ex, John, was using her religious upbringing to manipulate her into marriage.

She said in the podcast that John asked her many, many times to marry him, but she kept saying “No,” until he finally wore her down, and she caved in.

(I could write a separate blog post on that!
I’ve run into several people via this very blog and/or this blog’s associated Twitter account, who kept pestering me and hounding me repeatedly OVER MONTHS (some were very nice about it) to befriend them further over Facebook or e-mail, they kept saying they wanted to get to know me better, even though I politely turned them down many times.

I finally blocked one guy who kept doing this; he would not respect my boundaries and take “no” for an answer, when he kept asking if we could be friends over e-mail.
I’ve since come to learn that this non-stop pestering and hounding after you’ve said “no” to the person many times (and no matter how friendly and nice they are being about it) is one indication that the person more than likely has a personality disorder, and they are to be kept at arm’s length.)

(Link – to iHeart host, 1.15 hour long): Overcoming a Narcissistic Husband and a Church that Enabled Him

(Link – same podcast episode, but located on Spotify): Overcoming a Narcissistic Husband and a Church that Enabled Him

(Link – same episode but on PodPlay): Overcoming a Narcissistic Husband and a Church that Enabled Him

Sept 8, 2022

Today’s Guest overcame a tumultuous marriage with a narcissistic husband and the Church that supported his actions. Coming straight from a religious college and community, our Guest and her ex-husband met and were groomed by the Church to be together and get married.

After what she thought was the perfect pairing to the perfect man, and that they were going to change the world for the better, everything changed.

Continue reading “Overcoming a Narcissistic Husband and a Church that Enabled Him – Podcast”

They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud – Christians: Please Learn the Red Flags, Research Cluster B Personality Disorders

They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud – Christians: Please Learn the Red Flags, Research Cluster B Personality Disorders

Before I get to the links way below about a self-professing, devout Christian man who was allegedly swindling customers out of their very expensive purchases:

For any of you super trusting people out there – especially if you consider yourself kind, decent, empathetic and/or a Christian (though what I say below is also applicable to kind-hearted Non-Christians as well):

Please, please educate yourselves and accept reality.

There ARE people out there with what are called “Cluster B” personality disorders (such as NPD, malignant narcissism, or, they’re on the narcissism spectrum, or they are sociopathic or psychopathic) who cannot, or will not, have empathy (and on top of an empathy-deficit, sociopaths lack a conscience, too).

Not all of these Cluster B personality disordered persons are serial killers, as is often assumed(*) – but they all lack remorse and empathy and will use and abuse those in their paths, even their own spouses and family members! (*Some Cluster B personality disordered persons love to financially scam other people or financially exploit them, for instance.)

The primary drivers and motivations of Cluster B persons are control and dominance of other people.

These people can be your neighbor, sibling, parent, spouse, a friend, your boss, or a co-worker.

These dangerous persons can work as church pastors, doctors, school teachers, veterinarians, psychologists, therapists, plumbers, IT professionals, UPS delivery persons, mailmen, hair stylists – any and every occupation, even “care based,” charity based, or church ministry related ones!

These people have learned to “pass” as normal. They will pretend to be normal. Many will act as though they have compassion and empathy for others, but they do not.

Just because someone is working in a care-based occupation doesn’t mean they have empathy and are warm, nurturing, and have your best interest at heart.

Some narcissistic or sociopathic persons who work as therapists or as social workers INTENTIONALLY undermine their patients or others in their care. That’s one reason you must be careful when shopping around for a mental health professional, should you want to see one for treatment.

Some of these personality disordered persons will do things like say they are a “Jesus-follower,” a Christian, they will even volunteer for charity work, attend church regularly, and “play act the part” of loving, devoted Christ follower while simultaneously committing financial fraud (or other sins and crimes) against you or others.

And they do NOT CARE AT ALL how much it hurts your feelings or hurts you financially.

They are not sorry, and they never will be. They do not experience remorse or sorrow for how they hurt others.

Even the non-personality disordered abusive persons out there have very large entitlement attitudes, so their view on relationships is that being mean, lying, nasty, and controlling of or to you is getting THEIR needs met for them, their abusive behavior of you is working well for them, so why bother to care about you and your needs and how YOU are being hurt by them in the process?

They feel they have no reason to change for the better (this is from their perspective).

There is nothing you can do to fix, change, save, or help such persons (even most therapists agree such persons are beyond help or fixing), nor is it your responsibility to fix or change them.

Avoid them as much as possible. No amount of compassion, love, attention, pity, or empathy from you or someone else will change or fix such persons.

No amount of church attendance, Bible reading, or exposure to the Gospel or the teachings of Jesus will heal, change, or fix them.

This includes the marriage context: a wife being “more submissive” or “loving” towards a narcissistic or sociopathic husband will not “heal,” change, or fix the husband and cause him to stop hurting his wife.

Please do some research, and stop allowing people to take advantage of you! Look for the red flags.

Perhaps start out by reading books such as “The Sociopath Next Door” by Stout

(though, caution: in an otherwise very good and educational work, I think she sugar coats her descriptions of narcissism in her book too much – narcissists, especially at the moderate to high end of the spectrum, are essentially watered-down sociopaths, so far as I am concerned,
but, in her book, Stout makes narcissists sound more lovable, redeemable, reachable, and friendly than they actually are,
which contrasts what I’ve read in a lot of research by other mental health professionals and accounts by narcissistic abuse survivors who all specialize in the topic of narcissism),

or “Husband, Liar, Sociopath – How He Lied, Why I Fell for It & the Painful Lessons Learned” by O. N. Ward,
or “Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself” by Shahida Arabi.

There are many other books – and free online articles and videos – that describe all these issues.

Just because someone claims to be a Christian and acts really sweet, caring, and nice does NOT mean they will NOT abuse you financially, or will not abuse you physically, verbally, or sexually in private.

Because such people do exist, and they will abuse or exploit you.

Stop thinking the best of people, stop being so trusting, stop assuming that because someone talks favorably of Jesus that this must mean they are trust-worthy, and stop giving people third, fourth, and more chances if they’ve already hurt or lied to you twice!

Stop rationalizing their behavior, stop excusing it on the basis they told you they are having a bad day, they’re under stress, or they were abused as a child (whether they were or not still does not excuse their abusive or dishonest behavior).

Such attitudes and behaviors on your part, where you keep forgiving, pitying, trusting, and grant repeated chances and do-overs, is what enables alleged frauds like the guy in the article below to scam you in the first place.

I am not victim blaming anyone who has been abused or targeted by any of these abusers or scammers.

Here is where I am coming from:
I just want to pull my hair out in frustration in particular at how Christians, in their sermons, books, social media, blogs, and their attitudes, frequently encourage or pressure behaviors or attitudes in believers that encourage them to be very susceptible to attracting abusive people or con artists, or from eliminating them from their lives once they encounter them.

Christians are setting other Christians up to be attractive and easy targets and prey for sociopaths, narcissists, and other troubled and dangerous people.

Misguided Christian teachings about grace, forgiveness, compassion, helping one’s neighbor, turning the cheek, the “no divorce for any reason” teachings, and giving second chances, and Christian complementarians especially are really bad about this.

Christian gender complementarians promote “gender complementarianism,” where they strongly condition girls and women to adopt beliefs and actions that are indistinguishable from Codependency (ie, which includes things like lacking boundaries, being passive, etc), which makes girls and women reluctant to engage in perfectly healthy and normal actions, such as standing up to abusers or bullying behavior, and leaves them vulnerable from recognizing abusive behavior as being abusive in the first place.

Secular culture of course also re-enforces such harmful beliefs and behaviors in girls and women as well, via traditional gender stereotypes (see the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker for some examples; research by others has also been done in this area going back years with the same results being shown).

(Link): They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud

People around the country who have paid Matt Sowash thousands of dollars for the small dwellings after seeing him on TikTok say he never delivered on his promises.

by Sept 20, 2022

By Deon J. Hampton

DENVER — A man who had been convicted of bilking investors out of thousands of dollars and who professed his love for God while selling tiny homes online swindled homebuyers out of their life savings for dwellings that were never delivered, three alleged victims said in lawsuits filed in federal and state courts.

Developer Matt Sowash, founder of the Colorado-based nonprofit Holy Ground Tiny Homes, promoted the small residences on social media, including to his 80,000 TikTok followers, with short videos portraying an upbeat, God-fearing man selling the American Dream — affordable homes with financing and no credit checks.

“For people that can’t pay for a house all at once, we can finance you. Holy Ground Tiny Homes. Get yours today,” Sowash said in one TikTok video.

“Great house, available now, around $45,000 is what this goes for. Come in and take it away,” he said in another video, wearing a T-shirt adorned with “Faith Over Fear.”

Sowash said in an interview that he never set out to take advantage of homebuyers, but he’s not sure he’ll be able to build the 250 homes already paid for, in full or in part.

…A plaintiff in one of three lawsuits filed against Sowash said in an interview that the builder’s persuasiveness and Jesus-loving persona convinced her to part with her hard-earned cash.

“That’s part of what sold me. He’s charming, convincing and I believe in God,” said Clara Virginia Davis, 24, an elementary schoolteacher in upstate New York.

Continue reading “They Put Their Faith in a God-Fearing Man Selling Them Tiny Homes. Now They’re Suing Him For Fraud – Christians: Please Learn the Red Flags, Research Cluster B Personality Disorders”

Single Woman Who Plans Ahead Refuses to Change Airplane Seats So that Couples and Families Can Sit Together

Single Woman Who Plans Ahead Refuses to Change Airplane Seats So that Couples and Families Can Sit Together

I don’t blame her.

By the way. Marriage and parenthood do not make people more responsible, godly, loving, or ethical. Some married people are very entitled.

(Link): I absolutely REFUSE to switch my airline seat to help families and couples sit together – even when they start yelling, says single traveler JACI STEPHEN in a hilarious confession. So, do YOU sympathize with her?

August 25, 2022
By Jaci Stephen

Every summer, it happens: a family who hasn’t had the nous to book seats together on a plane asks a single passenger to move, in order to accommodate them.

This week, it’s Irish model and mother-of-three Vogue Williams, who publicly berated a fellow passenger for not wishing to give up his aisle seat and move to the window so that she could sit with her family. She was flying to London from Gibraltar, for goodness sake.

It’s a three-hour flight. Read a magazine. Order Duty Free. It’s not his fault that you’re so disorganized you can’t read a plane seat map.

I travel a lot. I have very specific seats I always choose (ask Virgin Atlantic; if I can’t get 8A, I’ll change planes). I like an aisle seat when traveling domestically because I need to use the rest room a lot.

I like to be at the front because I don’t like crowds and invariably need to disembark quickly. I spend weeks, sometimes months, making sure I have my favorite seat.

But I’ve lost count of the times I’ve been singled out as a single woman on her own and asked to change my seat. I suspect it’s because people think we’re going to be the softest touch. Wrong.

Continue reading “Single Woman Who Plans Ahead Refuses to Change Airplane Seats So that Couples and Families Can Sit Together”

‘Straight Pride’ March Outside Abortion Clinic Clashes with 200 Protesters – Progressives Have Created Reactive Abuse Responses from Groups They Target

‘Straight Pride’ March Outside Abortion Clinic Clashes with 200 Protesters – Progressives Have Created Reactive Abuse Responses from Groups They Target

If these “straight pride” guys are going to go on straight pride marches or parades, they need to defend single, celibate, hetero adults, not just the “nuclear family.”

In the past few years, progressives have so often and regularly demonized white people, heterosexuals, conservatives, and Christians (and shaming those persons for being white, hetero, conservative and/or Christian), I can now honestly see a need for things like “hetero pride” marches and so forth.

The left only has themselves to blame for this sort of thing – if they didn’t cram their views about sexuality, race, etc, so much down other people’s throats and scream and yell at anyone who disagrees that they are “white supremacists” and bigots and so on,
you wouldn’t see the affected groups go into reactive mode and hold “straight pride” parades and so on in response.

When you continually smear, pick at, demonize, and abuse someone (or an entire group of people), they may eventually respond by abusing you back.

That is where this non-stop, ‘drip- drip- drip’ of far left liberal abuse of conservatives, Christians, and other groups can lead.

Progressives, far left liberals, and Democrats are creating some of the very situations and attitudes they complain about all the time.

Edit. I just found this second link about the event… sorry, but if it’s OK for other groups to declare their “pride” at being X (whatever X is), it’s okay for heterosexuals to declare they’re “proud” of being straight.

(Link):  Cops pull guns and fire pepper balls as California ‘straight pride’ march outside abortion clinic clashes with pro-LGBT protestors

August 28, 2022

A ‘straight pride’ march held in front of a California abortion clinic descended into violence as attendees clashed with counter-protesters and police.

The National Straight Pride Coalition touted the event as a celebration of ‘heterosexuality, masculinity, femininity, babies – born and unborn and Western straight civilization, our wonderful country and Christianity.’

…But it quickly descended into violence, as angry pro-LGBT rights groups clashed with officers deployed to maintain calm at the event.

…A large contingent of LGBTQ and pro-choice counter-protesters who took offense to the message behind the march also showed up – and violence ensued.

Continue reading “‘Straight Pride’ March Outside Abortion Clinic Clashes with 200 Protesters – Progressives Have Created Reactive Abuse Responses from Groups They Target”