Florida Couple Is Arrested After Six Year Old Son Found Unconscious With Head in Motel Toilet Bowl As Their Younger Kids with Burns, Scars, and Black Eyes are Rescued

Florida Couple Is Arrested After Six Year Old Son Found Unconscious With Head in Motel Toilet Bowl As Their Younger Kids with Burns, Scars, and Black Eyes are Rescued

The Nuclear Family does not necessarily make a society better, in that it does not, contrary to excessive marriage and parenthood promoters (such as Brad Wilcox, Al Mohler, and other conservatives or conservative think tanks and groups that promote the nuclear family) instantly instill ethics, godliness, good morals, or compassion in a person.

(As a matter of fact, plenty of people who marry and have children together are either alcoholics, drug addicts, or have some kind of treatment-impervious personality disorder such as narcissism,
which makes them too selfish to meet the needs of their children, or else, they abuse their own children.
Raising a kid does not instantly or automatically heal a person of alcoholism, depression, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or whatever they are afflicted with.)

(Link): Florida couple, 22 and 25, are arrested after son, 6, was found unconscious with his head down a motel TOILET BOWL as five younger kids with burns, scars and black eyes are rescued

by Janon Fisher
July 13, 2022

A Florida couple has been arrested and charged with child abuse after their 6-year old son was found unconscious with his head in the toilet, according to the Osceola Sheriff’s Office.

Larry Rhodes Jr., 22, and Bianca Blaise, 25, were taken into custody on July 5, after deputies arrived at the motel room the couple was staying in and found their son, who had swollen eyes and no pulse.

The boy was rushed to Arnold Palmer Hospital with a ‘life-threatening brain bleed,’ cops said, and is now on life support.

The couple claimed the boy had gotten in a fight with his 4-year-old brother the day before and that the two liked to imitate professional wrestling on the motel beds.

But when the sibling, who also had bruises and ‘fresh cuts around the mouth,’ was questioned alone by EMS workers with the Osceola County Fire Rescue, he said ‘Dad hit me.’

Continue reading “Florida Couple Is Arrested After Six Year Old Son Found Unconscious With Head in Motel Toilet Bowl As Their Younger Kids with Burns, Scars, and Black Eyes are Rescued”

Number of ‘Lonely, Single’ Men is on the Rise as Women with Higher Dating Standards Look for Partners Who are ‘Emotionally Available, Good Communicators, and Share Similar Values’, Says Psychologist

Number of ‘Lonely, Single’ Men is on the Rise as Women with Higher Dating Standards Look for Partners Who are ‘Emotionally Available, Good Communicators, and Share Similar Values’, Says Psychologist

If any of the usual conservative commentators, male or female, get wind of this article by this psychologist, they will somehow try to pin the blame for more men going single longer – on all women, or on feminism.

I’m a conservative who doesn’t agree with progressive woke ideology, but I’ve noticed that other conservatives, despite claiming to believe in the concept of ‘personal responsibility’ never- the- less do not want to hold men accountable for the failures of men, whether on the individual level or men as a group.

Then, these same conservatives, who bemoan the “victimhood” mentality of progressivism, go on to depict all men as being poor, put upon victims.

If men of today are finding it more difficult to get dates, they need to take personal responsibility and work on improving themselves, rather than go the usual “blame feminism” or “blame all women” route, which is what they normally do.

I can see secular and Christian conservatives blaming women for this phenomenon – they are going to blame and shame women, and yell at women to lower their standards.

I find it absolutely refreshing to learn from these articles that women are now vastly out-numbered on dating sites.

I think I read the figure is 62%; that is, 62% of the participants on dating sites are male, the rest are female, so that women have the pick of the litter, LOL. This is a nice turn around.

This is the total opposite of churches.

Most churches have gender imbalances that favor single men – most churches have way more single women than single men. If you’re a single, practicing Christian woman that wants marriage, you need to dump the “equally yoked” rule and perhaps giving dating sites a second look.

Not that dating sites and apps are a god-send, because there are weirdos, rapists, and wackos on there, but you have more single men to choose from on dating sites than in many churches.

(Link):  The Rise of Lonely, Single Men by Greg Matos

Excerpts:

Dating apps and a drastically changing relationship landscape.

KEY POINTS

    • Dating opportunities for heterosexual men are diminishing as relationship standards rise.
    • Men represent approximately 62% of dating app users, lowering their chances for matches.
    • Men need to address skills deficits to meet healthier relationship expectations.

(Link): Number of ‘lonely, single’ men is on the rise as women with higher dating standards look for partners who are are ’emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values’, says psychologist

August 15, 2022
by Jessica Green

Men are lonelier than ever as they struggle to meet the higher dating standards of modern women, according to a psychologist.

American psychologist Greg Matos wrote in a recent Psychology Today article that the current state of young and middle-aged men’s love lives shows they need to ‘address a skills deficit’.

He said: ‘I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45: They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values’.

Yet, he claimed he’s found that modern men’s biggest problem is communication, which is ‘the lifeblood of healthy, long-term love’.

It comes as data shows dating apps are overrun with men – who represent 62 per cent of users – and figures collected in the US in 2019 showed more men than women were single.

Dr Matos said society fails to teach young boys the importance of communication, which has resulted in growing numbers of unintentionally single men.

Continue reading “Number of ‘Lonely, Single’ Men is on the Rise as Women with Higher Dating Standards Look for Partners Who are ‘Emotionally Available, Good Communicators, and Share Similar Values’, Says Psychologist”

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

One thing this article seems to be saying is that a problem you have in life is not your problem per se, but how you choose to view your problem – a perspective I’ve begun to appreciate in the last few years.

(Link): Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life

April 23, 2022
By Haley Goldberg

When Yale professor Becca Levy began conducting her decades-long research on the psychology of aging, she would routinely ask people to think of five words to describe an older person. In the US, the most common answer was “memory loss.” In China, it was “wisdom.”

As her research would find, the answer to this question had major impact. Your answer could fundamentally change how you age — even adding 7.5 years to your life.

In the new book “Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long & Well You Live,” Levy draws on decades of research and interviews to show how positive age beliefs are key to enjoying our golden years — and maintaining our health.

“In study after study I conducted, I found that older people with more-positive perceptions of aging performed better physically and cognitively than those with more-negative perceptions,” Levy writes. “They were more likely to recover from severe disability, they remembered better, they walked faster, and they even lived longer.”

Continue reading “Your Attitude About Aging Could Add 7.5 Years to Your Life”

Victim Blaming Codependents, or Victim Blaming People Who Exhibit Codependent Behaviors

Victim Blaming Codependents or Victim Blaming People Who Exhibit Codependent Behaviors

The concept of Codependency is not victim-blaming.

The concept of Codependency does not pathologize domestic abuse survivors,  targets of narcissistic abuse, or other victims of other types of abuse, contrary to a lot of online rhetoric I have seen, and I don’t care what psychiatrist with what degree behind his name has stated things like, “Codependency is victim blaming and pathologizing!” – that psychiatrist, despite his eight years in medical school, is wrong.

He is wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong.

I disagree with him entirely. And I do not have to have a medical degree to see where he’s wrong, and to know that he’s wrong.

I am a recovered codependent, and I remain astounded at people, especially therapists, psychologists, and abuse survivor advocates, who should know better, who never-the-less keep peddling this trope that the concept of Codependency is victim blaming, or it’s too broad in scope to be of much use.

(There are actually other mental health professionals out there who do not believe that Codependency is useless, too broad, or that it pathologizes anyone.)

A few months ago, when news stories about Anna Duggar were more prominent – she’s married to convicted child pornography user Josh Duggar, former reality television show star
– and then, a little later, when so-called abuse survivor advocates, such as Ashley Easter started commenting on that and victim blaming Anna Dugggar, and Amy Smith of Watchkeep began attacking journalist Julie Roys, I kept seeing these people, and others who follow them, showcase a very stunning misunderstanding of, or in some cases, a lack of awareness of, Codependency.

I may in the future do more posts – ones specific to Ashley Easter, Anna Duggar, and the Amy Smith – Julie Roys fiasco from months back – but for this post, I wanted to address this topic via at least two videos I saw on Dr. Ramani’s You Tube Channel.

Dr. Ramani is a psychologist who specializes in treating victims of narcissistic abuse.

I actually like Dr. Ramani quite a bit, and I’ve seen and listened to many of her videos. I like her on a personal level, and I think she’s quite astute.

I do  not feel comfortable being critical of someone who I usually agree with often, and who I find to be personable, but Dr. Ramani made a few comments in some of her videos here and there, pertaining to codependency, which I didn’t entirely agree with.

And no, I myself do not have to be a psychologist or have a mental health degree to form opinions or conclusions based upon what I hear and see!

While I do not have a mental health degree, I am college educated, and I did spend the past several years researching mental health topics. I did take psychology courses in college, but that is not what I earned my degree in.

So, I may not be an “expert” on mental health topics (in a degreed sense), but I am not an entirely uninformed person.

Continue reading “Victim Blaming Codependents, or Victim Blaming People Who Exhibit Codependent Behaviors”

Guy Cheated On His Girlfriend After She Gave Him One Of Her Kidneys To Save His Life 

Guy Cheated On His Girlfriend After She Gave Him One Of Her Kidneys To Save His Life 

What an ingrate. What male entitlement. Wouldn’t be surprised if he’s a narcissist or sociopath.

I’d be seething with rage if I were her. – At least for awhile, but in situations like these, if you stay in that anger and rage, it can end up eating you up inside and you can waste precious time that way.

In the long run, it can be best for your mental health if, after you allow yourself time to grieve or feel enraged, to eventually let it go so you can move on.

It’s also stories like this one below that make me feel better about walking away from codependency a few years ago.

Back when I was a codependent, (because my mother and gender complementarian church I was raised in encouraged me to think that being a “godly woman” meant being a doormat, so they instilled all sorts of codependent behaviors into me and my thinking), I was taken advantage of constantly, by so many people – by my ex fiance, co-workers, family, friends.

I could totally see myself having done something like donate a kidney to a friend or boyfriend I knew years ago. These days? Nope. No way. Good luck with your dialysis!

The following story comes from the Bored Panda site, which has a bad habit of telling the main part of their news stories by embedding images (screen captures) from IG, Twitter, texts, and e-mails. I am not going to type all that, so if you want the full context of this story and see the comments this man and woman made to one another, click the link and view the screen caps on the page.

I think the guy in this story claimed to be a Christian – this is another strike against the Christian “equally yoked” rule. Your average Non-Christian guy is apt to treat you better than this so-called “Christian” one.

(Link): Guy Cheated On His Girlfriend After She Gave Him One Of Her Kidneys To Save His Life 

July 15, 2022

by Robertas Lisickis and Saulė Tolstych

… Donating an organ is considered one of the most altruistic things anyone could do, so you’d think there’d also be a high degree of gratitude in response, right?

Meet 30-year-old Colleen Le from Yorba Linda, California, with whom Bored Panda got in touch. Not too long ago, Colleen shared a video in satire form with the caption “excited my boyfriend gets a second chance at life after getting my kidney”. Plot twist, the last fraction of the second part of the video shows Colleen planking on the bed with the caption “cheats on me”.

Oof.

Well, there is context, so let’s rewind.

Continue reading “Guy Cheated On His Girlfriend After She Gave Him One Of Her Kidneys To Save His Life “

When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc

I just blogged about this very topic just yesterday, June 25 (today is June 26) when I saw this video on You Tube today! Talk about coincidental timing!

So this psychologist, Dr. Ramani, made this 11.54 video (I’ll embed it below, you can also watch it on You Tube here) who discusses a letter by a woman married to a guy who uses (fake) illness as an excuse to leave social functions early.

The woman said her husband has a habit of faking sickness to get out of social obligations or to depart them early.

Well, the woman’s kid sister was turning 18, the family was throwing a birthday party / dinner for the young lady, and this married woman had her husband go with her.

The husband said he didn’t want to go, but the wife wouldn’t take No for an answer on this one – the husband never wanted to go to parties, and she seemed to feel like the husband would or could make an exception for this, since it was for her kid sister.

So they go to the party, the husband vomits on purpose while at the party but makes it look as though he’s sick – all so he can leave the party early and force his wife to go with him.

The psychologist who is discussing this story (she’s reading from a letter the woman wrote asking for advice) points out that so many people are quick to tell people like the woman who wrote this letter “to have boundaries,” which the woman tried on her (probably narcissistic) husband, but he didn’t heed her boundaries and instead actually doubled down on his obnoxious behavior.

I’ve seen several of Dr. Ramani’s videos before, she’s quite good, and I like her, but I always cringe a little when I hear mental health professionals who specialize in narcissism (as she does) sort of denigrate the concept of having boundaries, which she sort of does in the video embedded below.

Boundaries Usually Work And Are A Good Thing To Have

I spent 35 or so years (Link): as a severe codependent.

I believe boundaries are very important and can be life-saving and can improve one’s mental health.

Boundaries may not work in all situations or with all people, true enough, but by and large, boundaries DO work with most people and most situations and can save your self esteem, energy, mental health, and possibly your bank account in the long run.

Continue reading “When Narcissists Fake Being Sick to Manipulate You – Re: Boundaries, etc”

People Using Fake Sickness or Hardship To Con People Out Of Their Money, Attention, or Empathy

People Using Fake Sickness or Hardship To Con People Out Of Their Money, Attention, or Empathy

I came across this headline the other day in my Twitter feed:

(Link): Woman claimed she was bedridden to con more than £620,000 out of council

Excerpts from that article:

June 25, 2022
by S. Johnson

A woman claimed she was bedridden to con more than £620,000 from a council which she then used to pay for luxury holidays to America.

Frances Noble, 66, fooled social workers to commit what is suspected to be one of the largest fraud cases of its type to ever come before the English courts.

Between 2005 and 2018, Noble convinced Hertfordshire County Council she needed intensive round-the-clock home care.
— end —

I’ve seen similar news stories in the past several years – someone will claim to have cancer, or some other kind of hardship, but they are lying about it, and the reason they’re lying is to obtain monetary donations from the public.

Here’s another example (I may edit this post in the future to include more examples):

(Link): Married Mother and Father Fake the Wife’s Kidnapping, Used Donated Funds Meant to Help Find Kidnapped Wife to Pay off Couple’s Personal Credit Card Debt

I’ve written other posts about how I (Link): spent over three decades as a codependent. 

What I learned when I began getting over codependency, what I had my eyes opened to, is that there are people out there, whether legitimate victims or legitimately wounded in life,
or people who “play” at being a victim (some of these individuals may be (Link): Covert Narcissists) who will manipulate you, who will intentionally play on your pity and your heart strings or your guilt or sense of duty,
to get you to donate money to them, or to do things like listen to them complain weekly or monthly with compassion (ie, provide them with (Link): emotional labor), as they reiterate the same complaints repeatedly.

If you believe you may be a codependent, an empath with poor boundaries (which is essentially what a codependent is, but some people do not like the label “codependent”), or if you’re a people pleaser, I’d like for you to really get serious about not allowing your sense of compassion or empathy to sway you or to control every decision in your life.

Please stop automatically caving in and sending people money – because they ask you to, or you find out they’re going through a tough time, or because they look or sound sad.

Please stop feeling as though it’s your obligation or duty to rescue other people or do favors for them.

If you have a hard time saying “no” to people – out of fear of angering them, disappointing them, coming across as “selfish,” and/or from a fear of abandonment (i.e., “this person won’t stay in a relationship with me unless I keep doing favors for her”), please start researching the topic of people pleasing, boundaries, and codependency online if you cannot afford to see a therapist who specializes in the issue.

Continue reading “People Using Fake Sickness or Hardship To Con People Out Of Their Money, Attention, or Empathy”

I Woke From a Coma After Five Months To Find Out My Fiance’ Had Ghosted Me and Moved in With Someone Else, Woman Reveals

I Woke From a Coma After Five Months To Find Out My Fiance’ Had Ghosted Me and Moved in With Someone Else, Woman Reveals

And yet, even in 2022, there are some people who suggest that being married is necessary to feel or to be complete, or to be ethical, mature, or godly.

You can find someone who you believe is your “soul mate” and still end up being abused or let down by that person.

So these people out there pushing marriage as making people more happy, healthy, content, or whatever, than not being married, should stop promoting such bogus views.

I do relate to, and can sympathize with, the woman’s comments about her fiance’ ghosting her making it difficult for her to trust people any more.

I went through a situation or two in my life that were quite eye opening and made me see clearly for the first time how very selfish and self absorbed most people are, and it can be difficult to trust people once you see this.

(Link): Brie Duval wakes up from coma to find partner blocked her on social media

by Yaron Steinbuch

An Australian woman has revealed how her long-term boyfriend blocked her on social media and shacked up with another woman while she was in a coma after a devastating accident.

Perth native Brie Duval, 25, was living in Canada with her partner of four years when she fell headfirst from a parking garage after a night out with friends on Aug. 29, 2021, the UK’s Mirror reported.

Deval was rushed by helicopter to the University of Alberta Hospital, where she was placed on life support with a traumatic brain injury and multiple broken bones.

Continue reading “I Woke From a Coma After Five Months To Find Out My Fiance’ Had Ghosted Me and Moved in With Someone Else, Woman Reveals”

“Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles

“Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles

I don’t agree with all of this person’s red flags, but some of them may be worthwhile to keep in mind.

 (Link): “Immediately no”: Mental health expert shares red flags on dating profiles

Excerpts:

by C. Ferris
June 2, 2022

In a now-viral TikTok video, a mental health expert discussed what would cause her to not match with someone on a dating app.

Karli Kucko, LPC-A shares content about mental health on her TikTok and Instagram accounts @karli.k.counseling. She recently posted a video on her TikTok where it garnered more than 100,000 views. The video, which discussed seeing people making demands on their profile, was the first of several that touched on behaviors that would cause her to “swipe left.”

Viewers found these points helpful, and many shared what they considered to be red flags when they peruse dating apps themselves.

Good Morning America outlined a few tips for a strong dating profile, which include users posting good quality photos, writing “just enough” about themselves and being up-front with their intentions.

Matthew Hussey, a New York Times bestselling author and dating expert, told the outlet that there is a way to be open and honest while remaining positive.

“If you’re going to say you want something serious, frame it in a positive way rather than a negative one,” he said. “You don’t want to come across as bitter or jaded.”

In Kucko’s first video, she said something that would make her “swipe left” is seeing someone making demands on their profile. She noted that statements like “have to have, can’t do, must do,” were some examples of phrases that led to her not matching with someone.

Continue reading ““Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles”

Evangelical Adoptions: Churches Are AWOL in Helping Parents of Special Needs Kids by Julia Duin – Churches Are Useless (and Not Just Re: Adoptive Families)

Evangelical Adoptions: Churches Are AWOL in Helping Parents of Special Needs Kids by Julia Duin – Churches Are Useless (and Not Just Re: Adoptive Families)

By Julia Duin, who has also written and has been interviewed about how churches have let down single adults over the age of 30, and who wrote a wonderful book called “Quitting Church.”

This article discusses how so many evangelical churches encouraged Christian couples to adopt babies (usually from foreign nations), but once those adopted babies grew up to have all sort of developmental or personality disorders, churches would not help these parents.

This is like so much of American, evangelical, Baptist and Protestant Christianity:
Sell a certain deed, or a type of life style (or whatever it may be – let’s call it “X,” whether it’s adopting a baby, or whatever it is) as being so “godly” and “pure,” but once you live X out, and X either does not work out, or it creates a whole new batch of problems, those same Christians, or ones like them who promote X, refuse to help you.

I went through something similar in regards to adult singlehood. I wrote about that (Link): here.

I followed all the Christian dating advice I was taught as a teen and 20- something, Christian advice that taught me if I wanted to get married I would, if I just followed “biblical” wisdom, and the Christian persons, books, and magazine articles spelled it out for me.

However, when I remained single into my mid-30s, in spite of having followed the Christian teaching I had been given by other Christians when younger, and when I began asking Christians online (on various blogs and discussion forums) who dish out this swill to singles, why I didn’t have the husband I had been promised according to their teaching, interpretations, and worldview, I was yelled at, judged, and criticized by these Christians.

I was told God didn’t owe me anything, etc, and how dare I expect God to “reward” me with a spouse just because I did Z, Q, and R (i.e., just because I had followed Christian teaching and advice on the topic).

Christians will do this to you – they will sell you and market you on doing X, and so you carry out X, but five, ten years later, X did not work out and maybe even left you with a set of problems you need help with, the same Christians that sold you X in the first place are now not willing to help you, and may even insult you when you go to them telling them that X did not work, and you could use their help.

You end up getting punished for taking the very life-style advice, for buying the marketing, these Christians sold you, guilt tripped you, or conned you into taking in the first place. 😤🤬😡😣😫

It’s demonic and perverse, I swear.

It is crazy-making and despicable how Christians set people up in these no-win or stressful or miserable situations, then fault those people when they try the Christian advice, and admit to defeat, stress, and they ask for help.

Christians set people up for failure with their stupid advice, then have the audacity to victim-blame those people (who earnestly took and followed the advice) for failing. 😡😤🤬

After having read through the testimonies of the parents on this page (see below, link with excerpts), it sounds like exhausting, hellish work to raise these adoptive children who turn out to have medical and behavioral problems.

I cannot, in good conscience, condemn any adult who realizes after so many months or years, they don’t have the mental or physical strength to keep parenting such children and so decide to return these children back to the adoption agency.

I appreciate the work Dee of Wartburg Watch has done against abuse, but I recall years ago, she ripped into famous Christian speaker Beth Moore, because Moore returned one of her adoptive children back to his mother.

I wrote about that situation (Link): here, towards the end of the post, under the sub-heading “Beth Moore / Judgementalism.” (You can scroll down that page to find the Beth Moore section, which is buried under a long discussion about YEC.)

It’s very easy to sit in judgment of someone else when or if your life is more or less going okay at the time and the person you’re criticizing has a life that is falling apart, or they’re in the middle of a calamity, or you may have a different temperament or inner strength the person you’re criticizing lacks.

I personally do not think I’d have the fortitude, endurance, or patience to put up with an adoptive kid who acts out constantly, even into their late teens. I’d want a break from that, too.

I have way, way more comments below this long excerpt, so please keep scrolling to read everything; thank you:

(Link): Evangelical adoptions: Churches are AWOL in helping parents of special needs kids

Excerpts:

by Julia Duin
June 2022

For years, evangelical Christians were enthusiastic supporters of adoption by sponsoring conferences, targeting adoption-friendly Sundays and staging adoption fairs in parish halls.

… Parents now say that the churches that encouraged them to adopt in the first place aren’t there for them now.

…Few statistics exist on the number of adoptions gone wrong, other than a 10-year-old study by the US Department of Health and Human Services reporting “adoption disruptions” ranging from 10-25 percent. This little-known statistic points to a meltdown in the industry and a sign that adoption and foster care have become a landmine for many families who believed God had called them to help these children.

No one told them there could be an aftermath. Here are some of their stories.

[I will not be pasting in ALL stories. These are just a few from the page]

Evangelicals adopted at a higher rate than others
“Joy” was a social worker in Tacoma, Washington, who adopted a 9-year-old boy in 2000, hoping for the best. She had 32 years of experience working for the state and a Christian agency where she’d helped more than 600 people adopt foster children.

The divorced mother of two was prepared for challenging behavior, including attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and developmental delays and PTSD from the child’s six years with mentally ill biological parents.
What stunned her was that by age 15, her son was a registered sex offender. Bad relationships, drug abuse and a child out of wedlock followed. Now 30, he cannot hold down a job.

Continue reading “Evangelical Adoptions: Churches Are AWOL in Helping Parents of Special Needs Kids by Julia Duin – Churches Are Useless (and Not Just Re: Adoptive Families)”

Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)

Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)

The letter below, and the summaries of other ones I am mentioning here (below the link and excerpt), should be a wake up call to anyone who has a difficult time saying no to people, refusing to turn down their requests, whether out of a sense of guilt or fear.

If you really struggle with turning down people’s requests for favors or for help (even if it’s someone who seems to legitimately be in need of help, such as a solitary, lonely, elderly neighbor with chronic health problems who is in a wheel chair), you may be codependent, a people pleaser, or an empath with very bad boundaries.

(And there are people out there, such as, but not limited to, Covert Narcissists who can spot nice, sweet, giving people like you in a heart beat, and they will waste no time in taking advantage of your kindness to get their needs met.
Even genuinely well- meaning, kind, nice, non-narcissistic people will and can lean on you too much, if they are very needy and you don’t put boundaries up.)

You need to learn that it’s perfectly fine to draw boundaries with people, even elderly neighbors who live alone who have health problems.

It’s okay to be straight forward and tell such neighbors that while you’re fine doing X for them every Z number of weeks, that you don’t want to do it more than that often, and you don’t want to also do Y, Q, and R for them.

The following is a letter someone sent to an advice columnist.

I will be including more comments below this link and excerpt:

Dear Prudence: Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor

I had no idea one kindness could turn into this.

Advice by Eric Thomas
June 4, 2022

Dear Prudence,

I moved into a new upstairs apartment five months ago. I made the mistake of helping my wheelchair-bound neighbor, “Stella,” with her groceries during my move.

Stella had her bag break in the parking lot after she got off the bus. I put down my boxes and ran to help with her items and then put them up in her kitchen.

Stella told me about how she was alone in the world and on a fixed income.

I told Stella I would be happy to run to the grocery store for her since I go once a week.

Stella calls me every day now. She has problems with her doctors, her bills, and for anything and everything, she calls me. I have tried to be kind and helpful—but now I need help.

I should have set firm boundaries earlier, but she is a little old lady, and I was lonely in a new city. But I am not her daughter or her granddaughter. I am okay with running to the grocery store or being an emergency contact or coming over for tea and a chat—but not this.

Adult services are useless.

Stella’s life isn’t in danger, and she had enough income to be disqualified from the majority of services.

She isn’t cruel or abusive or mean. She is old, scared, and alone in the world.

But she is suffocating me.

Continue reading “Help! I Think I Made a Terrible Mistake When Helping My Elderly Neighbor (The Codependency, People Pleasing Trap)”

An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

An Assessment of the Article “Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness” – Christian Author is Indirectly Promoting Codependency, Which is Harmful

A link to this article, from a site and Twitter account called “Truth Over Tribe,” came through my Twitter feed today.

I don’t think I am following these guys; this was a suggestion by Twitter that appeared in my timeline. The “Truth Over Tribe” site says on their site that they are “too liberal for conservatives and too conservative for liberals.”

Okay… I’m somewhat in the same place. I’m a conservative who occasionally disagrees with other conservatives, but I sure don’t agree with many positions of progressives.

After having skimmed over some articles on this site – the site owner and author seems to be a Patrick Miller – he seems to lean left of center.

I can tell he’s left of center from some of the commentary and language he’s used – for one, in the article below, he puts his Intersectional Feminism (a left wing concept) on full display by talking about how “self care” was really started by black people, white women love it, and these days, only white woman can (financially) afford it. (Though I didn’t quote those portions of his article below, but they are over on his site.)

(Does Miller realize that left wing darling BLM (Black Lives Matter) is misleading people financially or that they spend more on transgenderism than on race related issues?)

At any rate, let’s get on to the article on this site that alarmed me, and I will provide a few excerpts, and then I will comment on them to explain why I feel this piece goes horribly wrong:

(Link):  Why the Religion of Self-Care is Really Sanctified Selfishness

Excerpts:

by Patrick Miller

“To be happy, you need to leave toxic people behind.” The preaching Peloton instructor continued, “I’m talking about people who take more than they give. People who don’t care about your dreams. People whose selfishness impedes your ability to do what you want to do.”

 Oh crap. She just described my two-year-old. I guess it’s time to cut him off.

This is the gospel of self-care. The notion that the most important person in my life is me, and anyone who impedes my happiness is an existential threat to my emotional and physical well-being. …

… What’s the Religion of Self Care?

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