The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person: Guest Post by Cathy Goodwin

The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person: Guest Post by Cathy Goodwin 

I think this is from Bella DePaulo’s Medium account.

By the way, the anecdote about all the married couples immediately departing from welcoming the new woman neighbor once they found out she had no husband?
Read the book “Singled Out” by Field and Colon to see example after example of Christians doing the SAME THING to new single adults who show up in their lives, even to church services or church events (such as luncheons) –
– the minute the married Christian women find out you are single and/or childless, they immediately act freaked out, or weirded out, and will turn their back on you to run across the room to greet a woman who they know is married and/or a mother.

Treating adult singles as though they are dangerous, weird, or flawed, and then immediately avoiding them to run off in search of another married mother to chat with, is very hurtful behavior to the adult singles in question, but it seems to be common behavior by married Christians in many churches and Christian culture.

Married Christian men treat single women as though they are all harlots, so they avoid single women, which is also insulting, demeaning, and hurtful behavior. (At least this is true of the Christian married men who aren’t looking to commit adultery.)

God says in the Bible he does not play favorites, and I believe God instructs Christians to avoid playing favorites
– which would mean, (and since so many Christians have turned The Nuclear Family into idols they worship), Christians do play favorites, they almost always prioritize married parents above single, childless adults, and so,
they will instantly ignore or otherwise marginalize any adult who crosses their path (even at church) if that adult is single and childless (ie, these adults don’t have a Nuclear Family of their own, they’re not married parents).

The church should not be doing this; the church is supposed to be above this behavior – but it’s not.

(Link): The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person: Guest Post by Cathy Goodwin

Excerpts:

Aging happily while single isn’t about doctors, diets or relationships. It’s about choosing the best place to live.

Nov 11, 2022

From Bella: Guest blogger Cathy Goodwin really knows how to get to the heart of things that matter to single people.

A guest post she wrote for my Living Single blog on (Link): how the medical establishment makes it hard for single people to get the care they need, is one that readers go back to again and again. Now she is out with a new, provocative book on aging, (Link): When I Grow Old I Plan to be a Bitch.

Prepare to hear some ideas you’ve never encountered before, and to laugh out loud along the way. I invited Cathy Goodwin to write a guest post about aging when single and I am delighted that she agreed.

The Most Important Factor in Aging Happily as a Single Person

By Cathy Goodwin

Go to any online forum about being single, growing older, or even “being single while growing older.” You’ll find dozens of posts like this:

“I can’t seem to find anything meaningful to occupy my time.”
“I’m having trouble making new friends.”
“I couldn’t get help when I was sick.”
“I feel like an outsider in my community.”
“I’m just not enjoying life the way I’d hoped.”
What happened to most of these folks?

They’d say they’re lonely. They might say, “It’s part of growing old.” They’d be wrong.

The truth is, they moved to a place that’s all wrong for them.

Single by Choice: Why I Am Content to Be Without a Plus-One by M. Weldon

Single by Choice: Why I Am Content to Be Without a Plus-One by M. Weldon

(Link): Single by Choice: Why I Am Content to Be Without a Plus-One

Excerpts:

And, no, I don’t have an affliction in need of a cure.

By Michele Weldon
October 17, 2022

…Married for nine years (we were together for 12) from the mid-’80s to the mid-’90s and divorced for the past 26 years, I have been in one serious, nearly seven-year relationship since my divorce. It was a mostly calm alliance that he ended with his declaration that he never was number one in my life, and needed to be.

…Proposing a rebuttal to Three Dog Night’s 1969 cover of “One Is the Loneliest Number,” I suggest that for many women 50 and older, being single is not just a holding pattern until the next best person comes along.

In her latest book, Not Too Old for That: How Women Are Changing the Story of Aging (2022), award-winning journalist and author Vicki Larson writes, “What if being self-partnered is nothing to fear, but something actually to celebrate?”

Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch

Survey Reveals Singles Over 50s Can Still Be A Good Catch

(Link): Survey reveals singles over 50s can still be a good catch

by Chris Matthews
Oct 3, 2022

Single over 50s can still find love but it helps if they have paid off their mortgage, can cook a Sunday lunch, have not married more than twice and have their own teeth, according to a survey.

A list of partner must-haves for over 50s singletons has been revealed in research, with sense of humour topping the list, as a massive six in ten said it was the number one thing they look for in a significant other.

Being well read, not having been married more than twice , having your own hair and being up to speed on current affairs are all factors which make someone over 50 more alluring.

I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz – and Conservative Reactions to the News Story

I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz – and Conservative Reactions to the News Story

This post has been edited after publication to add more commentary, links.

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I find these types of stories to be a little… gross.

I see that conservative site “Not Babylon Bee” has shared this news story on their Twitter feed – as if to suggest they find this gross and icky.

They made it a point to mention that the age of the woman in the story is age 56 (you can see their tweet embedded in this post below).

However… I am a conservative who has spoken out on this blog for years about how too many secular and religious conservatives have turned parenthood, marriage, and the nuclear family into idols that they worship.

A reminder: I am not “anti parenthood,” I am not “anti marriage,” and I am not “anti nuclear family,” but I have been long disturbed by how so many conservatives have elevated parenthood, marriage, and the “the family” to an unhealthy degree, even beyond what the Bible itself does.

Among many conservatives, Motherhood is falsely said or thought to be a woman’s highest, or only, calling by God, which leaves never married and celibate women (such as myself) marginalized, or infertile women marginalized.

So… I find it a tad hypocritical that any conservative outlet would share this news story as though it’s gross, since they’re not being consistent with their hyper- pro- nuclear family, hyper- pro- parenthood view points.

The “Not Babylon Bee” site, to be consistent with their idolization of motherhood and the nuclear family, should be joyously proclaiming, “Oh, how lovely, this older lady is pregnant with her son’s baby.” But are they approaching it like that? Nope.

It’s possible I’m wrong, and they are, once more, unfortunately extolling the virtues of motherhood (as if being a baby carrier is a woman’s only value), but  the vibe I get is that they think it’s disturbing that a 56 year old is carrying, as a surrogate, her son’s kid.

Either way you slice it, Not Babylon Bee’s take on the topic can result in being sexist.

(Link): I’m Pregnant With My Own Son’s Baby by A. Diaz

Sept 22, 2022

A pregnant mother is expecting … her own grandchild.

Nancy Hauck, 56, can’t wait to give birth to her granddaughter. “I never planned for it, but I am so glad I chose to carry my son’s baby,” she told SWNS.

The grandmother offered to become a surrogate for her son Jeff, 32, and his wife Cambria, 30, after her daughter-in-law had a life-saving hysterectomy following the traumatic birth of their second set of twins.

“I just suddenly had a feeling a few months after that I should offer to do it,” she explained. “I told my son, and he teared up and was shocked — I hadn’t even told my husband at that point. But he was really supportive.”

The young couple had struggled for six years before they welcomed twins, Vera and Ayva, now three, and then, Diseal and Luka, 11 months, via IVF.

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

I’m not even half way done with this video yet (linked to and embedded below in this post), but this lady in the video is giving some great insights and advice. (I’ve just finished listening to the entire video, and it is worth the entire watch.)

The lady in the video mentions she didn’t get married until around (or a bit after?) age 40.

The divorce attorney (who later became a judge, if I understand correctly) said up until that point, she did get a lot of questions from people asking her why she wasn’t married yet.

(I also had to put up with that, or with other nasty assumptions, from others, when I was still single into my 30s. I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and a lot of Christians wrongly assume if you’re a woman who has not married by the age of 30 or 35, it’s because you are a man-hating feminist or that that you were too “career focused.” It’s a very victim-blaming, sexist world view.)

Some of the points this lady, Faith Jenkins, addressed in the video includes but is not limited to (these are also points I’ve learned along the way with life experience, and just mulling things over):

• You have to know who you are and figure out who you are before you get married.
• It’s far more healthy to learn to be single before you get married.
• Don’t wait to get married to start living and enjoying your life – she says, “being single is not a rest stop. [At the time I was single I concluded that] it’s time for me to really live.”
• Don’t look to someone outside of yourself to make you happy.

(Note from me, the blog owner: this is a big one.
If you go through life making your sense of self worth, happiness, or opinion about yourself contingent upon external circumstances or on how others treat you, you will never, ever achieve stable, consistent, or lasting healthy self esteem or happiness
– and along the way, if you keep making your self worth contingent on how others treat you or their opinions of you, you will tend to attract selfish people, abusers, and very emotionally needy people who will want all your time and attention, leaving you drained
– I’ve learned the hard way that many of the people who will want to use you as a sounding board, a “rock” they lean on, will not return that courtesy to you – they won’t allow you to talk to them about your problems)

• She says you should know who you are before you marry – I think this is also a good idea prior to dating.

If you know who you are prior to dating or marriage (you know your identity and your likes, your dislikes, and your values), you won’t change to please someone else (a lot of abusive or controlling people will either badger you, pressure you, threaten, or demand that you make changes to yourself or your life to please them), and it makes it easier to weed out incompatible or potentially abusive partners.

• She discourages you from trying to clean up, fix, rescue another person, what she refers to as “rebuilding” another person.

I agree with her on that – you ultimately cannot change another person, and you will only exhaust yourself trying. I think a lot of women who do this are people pleasers or codependents, and it’s a huge waste of time.

“I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See” by R. D. Palmer

“I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See”

(Link): “I’m a Divorce Lawyer. Here Are The 5 Most Common Marriage Problems I See”

Excerpts:

by Raiford Dalton Palmer
March 1, 2022

The advice I always give people about divorce is this: don’t get one. The best divorce is the one you never have, if you can avoid it.

… Here are some of the most common problems that I’ve seen in my law practice.

Infidelity
It seems like the most straightforward reason for a divorce: someone cheated.

But in my experience, infidelity is most often a symptom, not the disease. Apart from pathological cheaters who are in it for the thrill of sneaking around, in my experience with clients, most people cheat on their spouses because intimacy is lacking in their relationship. …

How I Navigated the Minefield of Online Dating in Later Life – and How You Can Too by Alice Grebot

How I Navigated the Minefield of Online Dating in Later Life – and How You Can Too by Alice Grebot

(Link): How I Navigated the Minefield of Online Dating in Later Life – and How You Can Too by Alice Grebot

Excerpts:

Feb 27, 2022

D*ck pics, scammers and GHOSTERS… would you brave online dating?

It’s the most popular way to find love in 2022 – but as these three women discovered, online dating in later life is a minefield!

‘I had to Google what ghosting is’

…After a few months of being single, I began hankering for some adult company, and online dating felt like the easiest way to meet somebody. I’d met my ex at work and I had a little experience of it from years ago, but the idea of speed dating or singles’ clubs didn’t appeal, and no one seemed to go out ‘on the pull’ any more.

I downloaded Bumble, Hinge and Tinder, but soon deleted the latter, as it seemed to be full of men looking for something casual, while I wanted a relationship.

Indian ConMan is Arrested After Marrying FOURTEEN ‘Well-Paid’ Women Over 43 Years By Convincing Them He Was a Travelling Health Official in ‘Dead Easy’ Ruse

Indian ConMan is Arrested After Marrying FOURTEEN ‘Well-Paid’ Women Over 43 Years By Convincing Them He Was a Travelling Health Official in ‘Dead Easy’ Ruse

(Link): Indian ConMan is Arrested After Marrying FOURTEEN ‘Well-Paid’ Women Over 43 Years By Convincing Them He Was a Travelling Health Official in ‘Dead Easy’ Ruse

Feb 16, 2022
by By STEPHEN WYNN-DAVIES

An Indian conman who married 14 ‘well-paid’ women by convincing them he was a travelling health official has been arrested.

Ramesh Chandra Swain, 65, from Odisha, eastern India, targeted mostly middle-aged divorcees, including teachers, doctors and lawyers, who were looking for companionship or marriage.

Women in the Regions Turn to Social Media to Find Friendships and Community

Women in the Regions Turn to Social Media to Find Friendships and Community  (Australia) 

Oh this isn’t just an issue in Australia.

Middle aged (especially single women) find it difficult to make platonic friendships with other adults in the United States.

I’ve seen a lot of articles in the last few years that more and more Americans are either deciding not to marry at all, or are postponing it until they’re older.

Some married adults have found marriage unfulfilling and lonely – so they’d like to make more platonic friends to get their emotional needs met.

(Link): Women in the Regions Turn to Social Media to Find Friendships and Community 

ABC Goldfields / Elsa Silberstein
Feb 2022

April Garforth, like her other female friends in their 40s, is sick of going on online dates with underwhelming men.

She’s created a small Facebook group — open to friends-of-friends — to find people in her region of outback Western Australia to accompany her on spontaneous activities.

“With dating apps like Tinder, and things like that, you can meet a significant other. But with friends, it’s harder to reach out and make those connections,” April says.

“So I was talking to a friend of mine and I was saying, ‘You know, there really needs to be a Tinder for friends’.

“I’m really just looking for people to go on adventures with.”

These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

(Link): These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

Excerpts:

June 14, 2021
by Michael Blackmon

…In choosing to be single and child-free, [49-year-old author and educator]  Turner’s relationship with herself has blossomed. “All my time is for me. I don’t have to dress up for anyone but me. I don’t have to shave. It’s so freeing to go out and not worry about how I look, will someone find me attractive or not,” she said. “I find that I have more confidence and security within myself. I am not looking to [a partner] for validation.”

Turner is just one of hundreds of singles who responded to a BuzzFeed News callout asking the unattached if they were happy.

The submissions were varied, from people who had been single for just a few months to those who had been going solo for much of their lives.

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

On today’s “The 700 Club,” host Pat Robertson got a question from a guy who says he’s 56 year old and tired of being alone. (The guy is single and would like a girlfriend, or to marry.)

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – single adults of America (but especially women!) please (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice.

I’ve watched his “700 Club” show for many years, and Robertson always gives the same 3 to 4 answers to single adults who write him asking him why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, or how do they get a spouse?

And Pat Robertson always tells lovelorn single adults to “go fishing where the fish are,” (i.e, visit locales where you are sure to find single adults), and, he will tell you that “God puts the lonely in families,” which is a load of sh*t – no, God does not always put single adults who may be lonely “into families.”

For women who write in, especially if they are age 40 or older and single and want a spouse, Pat will insultingly tell them that they “sound desperate.” (Seriously; he has done this in the past, see the links below under “Related Posts” for links to examples of this atrocious behavior.)

(I’ve noticed that Robertson never tells the older single MEN who write in saying they are lonely and want a spouse that the MEN “sound desperate.” Robertson only tosses that sexist, insulting comment at single WOMEN.)

Pat Robertson also wrongly believes (and many Christians are like this as well, not just him), that (Link): if you want a spouse and pray for one, that God will of course send you one – which also a bunch of garbage.

So, here is what Eugene wrote in to Pat:

What do I have to do to find that special woman in my life? I’m tired of living alone in life. It’s been 56 years. Please help me, Pat. I read the Bible, but it never seems to help. I love all you guys and enjoy your show.

[Signed] Eugene

You can view / listen to Eugene’s question in this video on You Tube, and it’s around 44.25 into the video.

You can also listen to Pat Robertson’s unhelpful advice in that video to Eugene.

But… Eugene… should you read this, I have this to say to you:

Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto

Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto

(Link): Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up

Excerpts:

October 2020

For generations, if you were older and single, the assumption was that you weren’t happy about it.

Older women, especially, who were alone for any reason — widowhood, divorce, or simply not meeting the right person — were the recipients of sympathetic clucks and dating suggestions from well-meaning friends, and they often felt shy about attending events usually frequented by couples.

But increasingly, men and women in their 50s and 60s are thumbing their noses at the notion of couple-hood as an expectation — or even a desire.

“Dating? Absolutely not. I have zero interest,” says Janice (last name withheld), a divorced 59-year-old who lives in the San Francisco Bay area.

… Why single is the new normal
Whether or not people are choosing to stay single for good, statistics show that it’s become far more common, across all ages.