‘I Almost Drove My Car Off A Bridge Because Of The Strain of Having a Family’

‘I Almost Drove My Car Off A Bridge Because Of The Strain of Having a Family’

I’m not exactly anti-marriage or anti-family, but.

However. I am tired of how other conservatives or how 99% of Christians “hype” marriage, children, and “the family” to the point they act as though everyone should get married and have a kid, and if you do not, they suggest or state point blank, that you have failed culture and society, and you’re a big Loser. Christians especially behave as though getting married and having a kid is a commandment from God (it is not).

Being married and being a mother did not bring happiness to this lady.

And notice how this lady says that she and her husband didn’t have sex for a year.

I bring that up, because one teaching I heard or saw a lot in Christian sermons or books when I was a kid growing up is that if one remains a virgin until marriage, that God will reward you and your spouse with regular, “mind blowing” sex. The reality is, a person can remain chaste but then end up having lousy sex in marriage, or none at all.

(Link): BABY BLUES – We rowed [argued] and hadn’t had sex for a year due to the strain of starting a family… I almost drove my car off a bridge

January 2019

Aimee and Davin Bradley, both 35, were at each other’s throats for the first three years of their daughter’s life

By Hayley Richardson

HAVING a baby can feel like the icing on the cake for some couples but for others the strain of starting a family can push them to breaking point.

Aimee and Davin Bradley, both 35, were at each other’s throats for the first three years of their daughter Autumn’s life and didn’t have sex for a year.

Continue reading “‘I Almost Drove My Car Off A Bridge Because Of The Strain of Having a Family’”

Miscarriages ‘Caused by Low Quality Sperm Not Health of Mother’

Miscarriages ‘Caused by Low Quality Sperm Not Health of  Mother’

(Link): Miscarriages ‘Caused by Low Quality Sperm Not Health of  Mother’

Jan 2019

Experts are rethinking the causes of recurrent miscarriages after a new study found male partners in miscarriage had sperm with higher levels of DNA-damage

Miscarriages may be due to the quality of the sperm rather than the health of the mother, a study suggests.

Continue reading “Miscarriages ‘Caused by Low Quality Sperm Not Health of Mother’”

I Had A Baby At 40, And It Was Awesome by J. Delfino

I Had A Baby At 40, And It Was Awesome by J. Delfino

I think I understand what medical professionals mean by the term “geriatric mother,” but they need to drop it – women who are 40-something are not old geezers.

(Link): I Had A Baby At 40, And It Was Awesome by J. Delfino

Excerpts:

Dec 2018

Let me start by saying I didn’t mean to have a baby at 40. I meant to have a baby, but I had hoped to have one much earlier.

When I was 24, I told my boyfriend that he had better get me pregnant soon because my eggs were going to shrivel up and die. For some reason, we didn’t last.

Continue reading “I Had A Baby At 40, And It Was Awesome by J. Delfino”

Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley

Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley

I’ve done one or two posts on this subject previously on this blog.

One reason I don’t want to date or marry men who have children from previous relationships is that they may put their kids before me.

Notice in the interview below how married couples are (Link): greedy, they’re self-involved: they even admit that the “lion’s share” of their time is devoted to their careers, next, their kids, and lastly, their romantic lives with their spouses.

This information flies in the face of warped, false, Christian teachings that married couples are more godly and giving than single adults.

Christians often wrongly and incorrectly portray single adults as being totally self-absorbed, sexually promiscuous people who are in a state of arrested development.

(Link): Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley

More than a few men joke that they fall third or fourth in their wives’ pecking order, after the kids and the dog.

But for a lot guys (and moms), it’s not really a joke. Many assume that’s the way it should be — after all, being a good parent means putting the kids’ needs first, no matter what.

And because in this day and age parents are expected to be more attentive and accommodating to children than ever before, that’s a pretty all-consuming job.

But many psychologists and relationship experts push back on that idea, arguing that your spouse should come before your children.

The theory is that without a strong marriage and loving home, kids won’t thrive, so you’re doing them a disservice by putting your spouse on the back burner, which can lead to marital trouble and even divorce.

Continue reading “Yes, You Need to Prioritize Your Marriage Over Your Kids by V. Pelley”

Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It

Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It

The link to the news story is much farther below.

If I am understanding this article correctly, this woman sexually abused her own infant son as she was breastfeeding him, took video of it, and uploaded the video somewhere.

In the article, she says she made these child sex abuse videos because she has low self esteem because the father of the infant son she was abusing dumped her – he left her.

I grew up hearing from Christians – Christians in churches I went to, in Christian literature, and even now, sometimes I see on Christian magazine sites and blogs, that the nuclear family, marriage, and kids are all-important are the only things that can fix American culture.

Further, a lot of conservative Christians will teach that marriage and parenthood are necessary to make a person a true, full adult. They will teach that anyone who remains single and/or childless has stunted development, is immature, ungodly,  and irresponsible.

Continue reading “Mother Sexually Abused Her Own Infant Son While Breastfeeding Him And Video Taping It”

If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet

If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet

(Link): If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet

Excerpts:

I don’t know what it is about my decision to not have kids that absolutely infuriates so many people who have nothing to do with my womb or life choices, but the topic seems to come up on a weekly basis—sometimes even two or three times a week.

The thing is, I love children, and I totally respect the decision of my friends and family members who have had or plan on having kids. I just don’t want any of my own.

Continue reading “If You’re Choosing Not to Have Kids, You’ll Want to Read This by K. Langslet”

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’

(Link): ‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you

Excerpts:

August 2018

Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you — the Friends star and Kylie Minogue shouldn’t have to justify themselves
Friends legend Jennifer Aniston has been met with quizzical responses to her personal decision not to procreate

FOR two decades, Jennifer Aniston has been the subject of frenzied and almost constant speculation about when she would become a mum. Most frustratingly for her, it was always a question of when and not if.

After all, how could a beautiful rich woman with an equally beautiful and rich man(whether it be Brad Pitt, John Mayer or Justin Theroux) possibly not want to have beautiful babies together?

…This week, Jen had enough, letting rip in her most forthright interview ever to InStyle magazine.

Continue reading “‘Jennifer Aniston is right that being childless does not define you’”

Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy by M. Goldberg

Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy by M. Goldberg

(Link): Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy – on New York Times

Same editorial here:

(Link): Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy – Oregonian

Excerpts:

Last week, the National Center for Health Statistics reported that America’s birthrate reached a historic low in 2017, falling to 60.2 births per 1,000 women of childbearing age.

For a population in the developed world to replace itself, the average woman needs to have around 2.1 children. In the United States, where fertility has been below replacement for about a decade, the average woman now has 1.77.

Several commentators have described the plunge as a mystery, particularly since we’re in a period of economic growth. Some on the right have, absurdly, blamed the shrinking birthrate on abortion, even though abortion rates are also as low as they’ve been since Roe v. Wade was decided.

More thoughtful conservatives, like National Review’s David French, speculated that the baby bust could be a sign of the same sort of sweeping despair that has been linked to America’s decreasing life expectancy.

I have another theory. Perhaps the United States is becoming more like the rest of the industrialized world, where declining birthrates are correlated with a lack of support for working mothers.

Continue reading “Want More Babies? You Need Less Patriarchy by M. Goldberg”

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’

As of 2018, the snotty entitlement and insensitivity of some mothers – and Christian men who support them – continues.

I’ve been blogging about this topic for a few years now on this blog. It makes me sad to see this still going on.

DefendTheSheep (person on Twitter) tweeted out a link to this reasonable essay imploring Christians to be more sensitive towards those who find the Mother’s Day holiday painful. Link to that:

(Link): Don’t Ask Moms To Stand in Church This Sunday

My problem is not with the essay itself.

As a matter of fact, I encourage you to click the link above to visit the page and read it.

My problem was with some of the hideous comments various people left below the page.

Some of the comments were just incredibly insensitive or very mistaken about why some people find Mother’s Day – especially when it’s celebrated during church services – to be hurtful or stressful.

Christians often like to teach that parenthood and marriage are necessary to make people more giving and loving and compassionate, but that is not so. The married parents leaving comments under blog posts such as the one I am discussing here are very selfish and entitled – being parents has done nothing to make them more loving, caring, or empathetic.

Continue reading “The Entitled, Insensitive Comments Left by Entitled Christian Mothers, and the Men Who Support Them, Under the Post ‘Don’t Ask Moms To Stand In Church This Sunday (Mother’s Day)’”

New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

(Link):  New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers

If going through the pain of labor isn’t enough, a new study published in the journal Human Reproduction seems to suggest that women who give birth age faster than their child-free peers, at least on a cellular level.

Apparently, having a child racks up the equivalent of an additional 11 years on this one measure of biological aging and scientists are not so sure why this is.

Continue reading “New Study Suggests Women With Children Age 11 Years Faster Than Their Child-Free Peers”

Why More Women Are Having Babies at 50 and Beyond

Why More Women Are Having Babies at 50 and Beyond

(Link):  Why More Women Are Having Babies at 50 and Beyond

Excerpts:

….Duckworth [Sen. Tammy Duckworth, D-Ill] is expected to deliver her second child a few weeks after she turns 50, a time when many woman expect the end of fertility and the beginning of menopause to be around the corner.

The Senator said she delayed having children to pursue her career and, by the time she was ready, she had to overcome infertility.”The early part of my career, which was also, [like] for most women, your twenties and early thirties, your prime fertility years,” she told ABC station WLS in Chicago, “were also my career-building years.”

She is not alone. Duckworth is among a growing number of women, including celebrities like Janet Jackson and Sophie B. Hawkins, tackling motherhood in their fifties.

Overall birthrates in the United States have been declining for years, reaching a record low in 2016, according to National Bureau of Health Statistics, and provisional data suggests a new low for 2017.

Continue reading “Why More Women Are Having Babies at 50 and Beyond”

Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships

Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships

(Link): Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships

By Meera Jagannathan, Moneyish

Clinging to male dominance won’t do your relationship any favors.

Men who buy into the Sigmund Freud-coined “Madonna-Whore dichotomy” — i.e., viewing women as either “good” and chaste or “bad” and promiscuous — are more likely to embrace a “patriarchy-enhancing ideology” and feel less satisfied in romantic relationships, a recent studypublished in the journal Sex Roles found.

“These men may have difficulties feeling attracted to the women they love, or loving the women to whom they are sexually attracted, leading to chronic dissatisfaction in their romantic relationships,” lead author Orly Bareket said in a statement.

Continue reading “Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships”

More Women Having First Baby Over Age 40 And Out Of Wedlock: 2018 Pew Study

More Women Having First Baby Over Age 40 And Out Of Wedlock: 2018 Pew Study

(Link):  Older, educated women are more likely to have babies now, report says

(Link): Modern Mothers Are Having More Children

…And not as many women are waiting for marriage to have those babies. By 2014, 55 percent of mothers ages 40 to 44 who’ve never said “I do” had at least one child. In 1994, it was about 31 percent.

Researchers noticed a trend across all races and ethnicities: Women as a whole have started delaying motherhood. This includes millennial moms — the report found the median age for first-time mothers is now 26, while back in 1994, it was 23.

Women are also putting off motherhood until after higher education.

Continue reading “More Women Having First Baby Over Age 40 And Out Of Wedlock: 2018 Pew Study”

Women Born To Older Mothers Less Likely To Have Kids (2017 Study)

Women Born To Older Mothers Less Likely To Have Kids (2017 Study)

(Link):  Women Born To Older Mothers Less Likely To Have Kids

Excerpt:

BY JOE DZIEMIANOWICZ

The older a woman’s mother was when she was born, the less likely she is to have children, according to a new study.

Canadian researchers analyzed health records of 43,135 American women and found that nearly 20% of women born to mothers older than age 30 remained childless. The figure was 15% for women whose moms gave birth to them between 20 and 24. Of women born to teenaged mothers, 13% of them never went on to have kids.

…Still, the findings published in the journal Human Reproduction are noteworthy because women in America are having babies later in life for a number of factors, including pursuing advanced degrees and establishing careers.

Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Do not read this while eating. You will barf.

Another reason to feel good about being celibate and childless. No chance of this happening.

(Link): Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer

Lauren Knowles was diagnosed with a molar pregnancy, after a scan showed a mass in her womb

A MUM-of-two was forced to give birth to a huge tumour on the toilet after her “baby” was diagnosed as cancer.

Lauren Knowles was over the moon when her pregnancy test read positive.

But when the then 27-year-old noticed heavy spotting at seven-and-a-half weeks, doctors sent her for a scan.
Continue reading “Woman Gives Birth To A Giant Tumor On The Toilet After Her ‘Baby’ Turns Out To Be Cancer”

Advice Letter – 41 Year Old Never Married Woman To Marry Twice Divorced Guy, Her Mom Worried

Advice Letter – 41 Year Old Never Married Woman To Marry Twice Divorced Guy, Her Mom Worried

Oh. All sorts of bad things going on here. I’m not a supporter of May-December relationships.

Then you have the fact that this dear lady so sick and tired of being single, she’s willing to marry the first man who has a pulse who shows interest, even though he sounds not only too old for her, but possibly like a user. Red flags all over this.

I also have to say this is a switch – before on this blog, I have copied in letters from parents who are freaked out or disappointed that their adult child is age 30, 40, or older and hasn’t married yet, so the parent is begging the kid to marry anyone, just marry.

(Link): Hax Advice Column

DEAR CAROLYN: My smart, successful and never-been-married 41-year-old daughter has recently become engaged to a twice-divorced man whom she has nothing in common with except a desire to not be alone anymore.

I am worried she is his “retirement plan,” as he can’t wait to retire early from his job and live the expat lifestyle with her overseas. They have only known each other for a year, and six months of that have been long-distance.

My daughter complains he won’t stop seeing his “ex-girlfriend/best friend” who lives in the same apartment complex as him — on a different continent — and it is making her insecure.

How do I support my daughter? They have a 13-year age gap, and I just want her to slow down and think carefully about what she is getting herself into. Wanting to “check the marriage box” off your to-do list is not a reason to rush into this.

(Signed), Just Want Her to Slow Down

Dear Just:

You say: “I love you and worry about your safety.”

She will hear: “My mother thinks I can’t take care of myself.”

You say: “You barely know this man and are rushing into marriage for the sake of it.”

She will hear: “My mother thinks ‘single and 41’ = desperate and pathetic.”

You say: “He can’t wait to use you to retire early.”

She will hear: “My own mother thinks a man can’t like me for anything but my money.”

You say: “He’s obviously still seeing his ex, right under your nose.”

She will hear: “My mother thinks I’m an idiot.”

You have a message problem, one that stems from the even bigger problem of trying to be a parent to someone who is 20 years into being an adult.

(read more here)


Related Posts:

(Link):   Avoid Dating Divorced Guys Who Are Dating on the Rebound – and Icky May December Relationships

(Link):  Pat Robertson Says 44 Year old Never Married Woman Who Wants Marriage is “Desperate”

(Link):  Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated

(Link):  Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

(Link):  Idiot Assumes His 44 Year Old Sister Is A Lesbian Because She’s Never Been Married

(Link):  Never-Married Men Over 40: Date-able or Debate-able?

(Link):  How Sorry Do We Feel for the Lonesome Single Bachelors of New York? by T. Moore (never married men in their 40s talk about being tired of being single)

(Link):  Singles Shaming Mother: Her Sons are in their 30s, Great Guys, But She’s Freaking Because They’re Not Married (letter to Hax columnist)

(Link):  Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

(Link):  Decent Secular Relationship Advice: How to Pick Your Life Partner

(Link):   Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated

(Link): My Parents Excluded Me When I Was Single — Now They’re Doing It to My Sister (Ask Amy Column)

(Link): Thirty Year Old Woman Kills Herself Due to Being Single and Childless – Churches contribute to this by either Ignoring adult singles or shaming them for being single and childless

(Link): I’m 45, Single And Childless. No, There’s Nothing ‘Wrong’ With Me. by M Notkin

(Link):  Grieving widow doesn’t need to start dating in order to heal (letter from advice column) 

(Link): Guy So Depressed Over Being Single He Cut Off His Own Penis (article)

(Link): Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

 

The Failure of Sex Ed Is Killing Our Daughters by S. Goldberg

The Failure of Sex Ed Is Killing Our Daughters by S. Goldberg

(Link): The Failure of Sex Ed Is Killing Our Daughters by S. Goldberg

Excerpts:

….If these women relied on their high school sex education classes they were at a near-total loss when it came to reproductive health.

Public school curriculums dead-set on preventing pregnancy focus heavily on sexually transmitted diseases, birth control, and “using protection.”

As for pregnancy itself, senior students often get a glimpse of a woman giving birth before they pass out in horror.

Young women are never given so much as the opportunity to discuss the dynamics of choosing to have children in today’s world, let alone the biology of reproduction, let alone what should go right and what could go wrong.

Continue reading “The Failure of Sex Ed Is Killing Our Daughters by S. Goldberg”

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard

Excerpts:

…Note the double-edged sword of motherhood here. Attracting the praise of being a “good mother” was always accompanied by the threat that you might fall from the perch at any moment and cause devastating harm to your child.

Hence the amplification of mechanisms of control, censure, and punishment that go hand in hand with the valorization and surveillance of parenting. Deep within the medical and psychological frameworks promoting motherhood in this period, there lurks male anxiety over female power and influence.

Continue reading “The Dangerous Risks of Putting Motherhood on a Pedestal by C. Millard”

Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

(Link):  Having kids lowers women’s self-esteem for at least three years (on Twitter)

Excerpts:

…Led by researchers at the University of Tilburg, psychologists analyzed survey data collected from more than 84,000 Norwegian women between 1999 and 2008.

…The researchers found a consistent pattern: Women experienced declines in self-esteem during their pregnancies, and then increases in the six months afterwards. But then their self-esteem declined once again, and continued falling. By three years into their child’s life, it was still lower than their original “baseline.”

…After birth the picture gets more complex, and another clue might lie in the study’s other major finding. At the same key intervals, researchers also asked women to evaluate their relationships.

They found that women’s estimation of their romantic partners remained fairly steady during pregnancy, but fell dramatically right after the baby was born. The same effect was also noticeable, to a lesser extent, after subsequent children were born.

(Link): Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss

Excerpts:

A recent example of this comes from Norway, where researchers conducted a study for which they tracked nearly 85,000 women from pregnancy through the first three years of their children’s lives and asked them questions about how having children affected their self-esteem. The findings are dispiriting, if unsurprising.

The team, led by psychologist Manon A. Van Scheppingen, had participants fill out questionnaires rating their self-esteem and relationship satisfaction throughout this time period.

Continue reading “Study: Motherhood Is Rotten for Women’s Self-Esteem by E. Strauss”

Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.

Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.

I cannot believe we are in the year 2017, and Christians are still asking about this sort of thing and pontificating about it. To even ask and muse about this in 2017 is just sexist.

In regards to this story linked to below, Dee of Wartburg Watch asked on Twitter, something along the lines of, how much money does preacher Todd Wagner earn so that his wife (assuming he has a wife and kids) is able to stay at home all day to watch their kids?

How many of the women in Wagner’s church congregation (who may even be mothers themselves) have jobs outside the home, part of whose job income are paid to him in tithes, so that he can afford to have his wife stay at home and be a stay at home mother?

(Link): Does the Bible Say It’s OK for Moms to Work?

Excerpts:

July 28, 2017

by Sheryl Lynn

The pastor of a multi-site church in Texas [Watermark Community Church] recently responded to a question on whether the Bible says it’s OK for moms to work.

While it’s not forbidden, Todd Wagner questioned the motive behind a mother choosing to work over being at home with her children.

// end excerpt

“While it’s not forbidden.” – Yes, you can end it right there. Anything beyond this is Wagner’s opinion.

Continue reading “Pastor Actually Questions, in the Year 2017, If It’s Acceptable for Mothers to Work Outside of the Home.”