The Chelsea Handler Childless Woman Upset: Other Conservatives Wrongly Conflating Married Motherhood with Womanhood or Happiness, Meaning, Purpose

The Chelsea Handler Childless Woman Upset: Other Conservatives Wrongly Conflating Married Motherhood with Womanhood or with Happiness, Meaning, or Purpose

After entertainer Chelsea Handler uploaded (Link): a Tweet with a video of herself listing the numerous ways she enjoys life due to being childless – I didn’t see anything in the video mentioning abortion – a lot of other conservatives jumped to shame and scold Handler for being happy about being childless and publicly expressing that happiness.

Others have said that Handler had two or three abortions in the past. The fact that Handler previously had abortions does not change the substance of my problems with conservative reaction to Handler’s video.

I am pro-life, not pro-choice, so I don’t agree with Handler’s actions to terminate her pregnancies.

However, again, I don’t recall Handler’s “happy to be childless” video advocating abortion or mentioning anything about abortion.

I don’t think her video criticized or shamed women for being mothers or for wanting to be mothers.

The only possible, even remotely “anti motherhood” take away one can get from her video is that mothers – assuming they are good, non-abusive mothers – invest a lot of time in child-rearing, but Handler doesn’t frame it in an anti-motherhood way.

It’s Okay For Women to Be Childless at Any Age and to be Happy About Being Childless, Just Like It’s Okay For Mothers to Be Happy About Being Mothers

Handler was just showing ways she has more free time because she doesn’t have to participate in childcare – which is not the same thing as being “anti-motherhood,” or telling other women they are wrong to be mothers.

It’s perfectly fine for a woman to be single and childless and to be happy about it.

Women can and should find meaning and purpose apart from marriage and motherhood. It’s unhealthy for any person to wrap up all their happiness, meaning, or purpose into one identity, station of life, or role.

If you are a married mother, your children will grow up, move out, and seldom visit you once they’re gone. Your husband may develop dementia, abuse you, or cheat on you, so that you will be without emotional support or you will have to divorce him.
In all these situations, you will be left with yourself, by yourself, and god help you if you never forged purpose, identity, happiness, or meaning apart from a spouse and children.

There’s no reason to criticize or shame an adult, man or woman, for being single and childless and for being happy about it and posting about it.

My fellow conservatives often push motherhood (via podcasts, tweets, magazine articles, church sermons, blog posts, etc) to a loopy, creepy, fevered pitch, about how super awesome, fulfilling, and wonderful motherhood supposedly is – but goodness forbid a childless woman lists or publicizes the ways she’s happy with being childless – and do so without criticizing motherhood or mothers. That’s a huge double standard.

I also didn’t agree with Handler’s mockery of single women who choose to remain virgins until marriage or to remain chaste (I blogged about that (Link): here a few years ago).

Unfortunately, in the midst of criticizing Handler, a lot of conservatives today were conflating “womanhood” to married motherhood. 

However, a woman remains a woman regardless if she has a child or is infertile, childless, or childfree, or whether she wants to have children or not.

Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby

Grandma, 61, and Younger Husband, 24, are Ready to Have a Baby

This news story seems very familiar. I could’ve sworn I blogged about this couple a few months ago, but I can’t locate the post at the moment (I think this was the post).

I don’t approve of “May December” relationships, in which one spouse or significant other is much older than the other, regardless if it’s an older male with a younger woman or an older female with a younger man.

It’s so gross, and I suspect the older people in such relationships have nefarious motives (ie, it’s usually easier to control a much younger partner), or they are riddled with insecurity, or, they are terribly shallow.

🤮🤮🤮

(Link): Grandma, 61, and younger husband, 24, are ready to have a baby

June 15, 2022

A granny has revealed she is married to a 24-year-old bloke and they are ready to have a baby.

Cheryl, 61, and Quran McCain from Georgia have hit headlines thanks to their 37-year age gap.

The couple have racked up over 2.2million followers on their @kingqurannewpage TikTok page, but insist their love is genuine.

Last July, Quran proposed to Cheryl using a ring that was Crowdfunded by his online fans, and they tied the knot in September.

They had a riverside ceremony in Tennessee, and the event was livestreamed to over 20,000 people.

Now they say they are ready to take the next step and have a baby together – either by adoption or by using a surrogate – and have been pram shopping.

Having 3 or More Children Negatively Impacts Late-Life Cognition: Study – by L. Blair

Having 3 or More Children Negatively Impacts Late-Life Cognition: Study – by L. Blair

(Link): Family size may influence cognitive functioning in later life

May 12, 2022

A new study at Columbia University Mailman School of Public Health, and the Robert Butler Columbia Aging Center and Université Paris-Dauphine — PSL, found that having three or more versus two children has a negative effect on late-life cognition.

The results further indicated that this effect was strongest in Northern Europe, where higher fertility decreases financial resources but does not improve social resources in this region. This is the first to study the causal effect of high fertility on late-life cognition.

(Link): Having 3 or more children negatively impacts late-life cognition: study

Excerpts:

May 2022

While recent research has warned of the potential drawbacks of America’s declining fertility rate, a new study has found that having three or more children negatively affects late-life cognition.

“To the best of our knowledge, our study is the first to demonstrate a causal effect of higher fertility on late-life cognition,” researchers Eric Bonsang and Vegard Skirbekk explain in their paper “Does Childbearing Affect Cognitive Health in Later Life? Evidence From an Instrumental Variable Approach” published in Demography, the flagship journal of the Population Association of America.

Indian Couple Sue Son and His Wife, Demanding Grandchildren

Indian Couple Sue Son and His Wife, Demanding Grandchildren

What a couple of narcissists – the parents, not the adult children who don’t seem to want to have children ever, or not now.

We don’t always get what we want in life.

(Link): Indian Couple Sue Son and His Wife, Demanding Grandchildren

“We want a grandson or a granddaughter within a year or compensation, because I have spent my life’s earnings on my son’s education,” Sanjeev Ranjan Prasad said.

May 14, 2022

NEW DELHI — A retired Indian couple is suing their son and daughter-in-law, demanding that they produce a grandchild within a year or pay them 50 million rupees ($675,000).

Sanjeev Ranjan Prasad, a 61-year-old retired government officer, said it was an emotional and sensitive issue for him and his wife, Sadhana Prasad, and they cannot wait any longer. His son, a pilot, was married six years ago.

“We want a grandson or a granddaughter within a year or compensation, because I have spent my life’s earnings on my son’s education,” Prasad told reporters on Thursday.

I Appear Successful, But Since Having Kids I Feel I’ve Lost Myself by Annalisa Barbieri (Letter from a Married Mother Who Has Depression, Low Self Esteem)

I Appear Successful, But Since Having Kids I Feel I’ve Lost Myself by Annalisa Barbieri (Letter from a Married Mother Who Has Depression, Low Self Esteem)

Before I get to the link and the letter, I wanted to say…

The article below – via The Guardian – doesn’t make it clear, but the following appears to be an e-mail or a letter from a married mother who has low self esteem, and she’s writing to this paper for advice, guidance, and help.

I’m sorry this lady is not doing well, but I want you to take away from this that being married and being a mother (having children) will not necessarily make you happy, or bring you joy, inner peace, or a healthy sense of identity.

I’m afraid that a lot of conservatives – especially Christians – keep promoting these false notions to women, from the time we are girls, that if we just marry (and/or have children), that being married and a parent will bring us permanent happiness and purpose in life, but clearly, that is not the case.

I am not “anti family” nor “anti motherhood,” but I figured out a long time ago that being a parent or married may not bring you fulfillment in life, and it is that expectation that a lot of “pro family,” “pro motherhood” type of conservatives continue to hold up – it is misleading, false hope and propaganda.

I’ve got other examples on my blog of women who married (or who are mothers), and yet, being married (or being a mother) didn’t bring them happiness, but they were still left feeling overlooked, depressed, or lonely – in some cases, because the man they married doesn’t meet their emotional needs regularly, but spends all his day wrapped up in his hobbies or watching television.

I have blog posts of women who admit that they regret motherhood!

I think if you’re someone who had hoped or expected to marry (or have children) it can be painful  or very disappointing if that did not happen for you, but if you can accept it,
and permit yourself to go through a grieving process and determine to move on in life and determine to enjoy life anyway (in spite of life not turning out how you had hoped), that you can ultimately find joy, happiness, fun, and peace without a spouse and without children.

You can find other avenues of joy, meaning, and happiness in life that don’t involve being married or having children. I made that transition myself years ago, though it took me several years of grappling with unhappiness to get there, but it can be done.

But again, notice, that although the woman letter writer here married and had children, that she is STILL depressed, feels like a failure, feels like a “loser,” and thinks she is not enough.

Being a wife and a mother – contrary to what a lot of excessively pro-family, pro-natalism Christian conservatives bang on about – did not fill that empty void she has, nor increase her self image to a healthy level.

(Link): I appear successful, but since having kids I feel I’ve lost myself

Excerpts:

Squashing your anger down is exhausting. Try using your free time to do what makes you feel good, and see what shifts

May 20, 2022
by Annalisa Barbieri

[This appears to be a question from a writer to an advice columnist named Annalisa Barbieri? – the article doesn’t make it clear]:

[Dear Advice Columnist,]

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my teens and have had therapy and medication on and off since I was 17 (I am now 37). I’m aware of deep-rooted low self-esteem and shame.

I feel worthless. I never want to draw attention to myself and have a paralysing fear of confrontation.

I have managed to maintain a few close friendships, have worked in the past, and am married with two kids. So I appear “successful” on the surface.

Couple Who Asked For Female Embryo Sues Fertility Clinic Over Baby Boy

Couple Who Asked For Female Embryo Sues Fertility Clinic Over Baby Boy

This is a switch. I usually see headlines about fathers angry that their wife gave birth to a girl and not a boy. Here we have a lesbian couple who are upset they had a baby boy.

(Link):  Couple Who Asked For Female Embryo Sues Fertility Clinic Over Baby Boy

by Amy Klein
March 27, 2022

Heather Wilhelm-Routenberg said she would only have kids with her wife Robin (Robbie) Routenberg-Wilhelm if they could have girls — because Heather was still traumatized from being sexually assaulted on two different occasions after college.

Heather and Robbie say that CNY fertility clinic in Latham, NY, assured the Buffalo couple it would not be a problem: The lab could determine the sex of any embryo, created using an egg from Robbie and donor sperm, before it was transferred into Heather.

But when Heather was 15 weeks pregnant — having been assured by the clinic that the embryo was female, she says — they found out she was carrying a boy.

The news sent her into a dark depression.

Married People Revealed The Darkest Secrets They’ve Been Keeping From Their Spouses For Years, And Some Of These Are Heartbreaking

Married People Revealed The Darkest Secrets They’ve Been Keeping From Their Spouses For Years, And Some Of These Are Heartbreaking

To anyone who may be new to this blog:
I am not anti-nuclear family, anti-marriage, or anti-parenthood, but I do oppose conservatives, Christians, or any person or group who deifies any of those things, or who pressures or shames people into getting married and having children.

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I think pieces like the one below put to bed the common Christian “marriage fairy tale” narrative (that used to be more common in secular culture too), that if you just marry (and have children), that you will find happiness and meaning; all your dreams will come true.

You have all these married people in these confessions below who still are not happy, in spite of the fact they are married, and some of them have children, too.

(Link): Married People Revealed The Darkest Secrets They’ve Been Keeping From Their Spouses For Years, And Some Of These Are Heartbreaking

Excerpts:

“Having children has made me hate him.”

by Liz Richardson

A while back, redditor u/dusty_ninja asked the internet, “What is the darkest thing you have kept from your partner?” Several married people shared shocking secrets they’ve been keeping from their spouses — and some of them are heartbreaking.

Here are some of the most surprising ones:

…2. “I’m afraid to tell my husband that before we met and got married, I was hooking up with a married man.”
“It happened at a time when I wasn’t in a good place (I know it’s bad what I did). Even if my husband is not judgmental at all and doesn’t care about past behaviors, I’m afraid he might see me differently.”

—tidissik

3. “That having children has made me hate him.”

“He loves his kids and provides for them financially, but I do everything else — and he only helps if I ask or direct him to. It’s exhausting, and I’ve never been more resentful/angry at someone else so much in my entire life.”

Billboards by Leftists Imploring that Everyone Should Stop Having Kids Start Popping Up

Billboards by Leftists Imploring that Everyone Should Stop Having Kids Start Popping Up

I normally blog here about the conservative, right wing, Christian obsession with the Nuclear Family, natalism, marriage, and parenthood, and how this extreme focus has turned into idolatry and ends up hurting childless or single (never married, divorced, and widowed) people.

So, while on the one hand, I am not a supporter of secular or Christian conservatives guilt tripping, pressuring, or shaming people into marrying or having kids and trash talking singleness (or the state of being childless), I’m not a supporter of leftist groups who shame and guilt trip people across the board about having children.

If you’re an adult, I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to shame or lecture you to have children or to not have them. If you want to have a child, by all means, have one – IMO, the most ideal situation is to marry a person first and have a baby with that person you’re married to.

So shame on these progressives with their stupid billboards trying to tell people to NOT have children.

As I’ve said before on other, older blog posts, on some topics, liberals and progressives are NO BETTER than the conservatives and evangelicals they criticize – they’re just as bad, if not worse, and they are merely the flip side of the same coin.

(Link): This Is A Real Billboard In Oregon Imploring People To “Stop Having Kids”

by Harris Rigby

March 26, 2022

So, the radical Left in their support for abortion has been stringently anti-life for decades now. But this new branch of the movement is perhaps the most shocking and radical yet.

Billboards have been popping up around Oregon with a disastrously anti-humanity message:

Yep. This is the Brave New World next level of the left: Stop having kids.

China’s New Three Child Policy (May 2021)

China’s New Three Child Policy (May 2021)

I did a similar post to this one a few days ago – it turns out, it doesn’t matter if China relaxes its limits on number of children per family, because this article I read said many Chinese women are not interested in having children, and the ones who do feel they cannot, because it would jeporadize their careers, etc

(Link): ‘Too much of a burden’: Chinese couples react to three-child policy

China has announced that couples will be permitted to have up to three children. What do couples think of the policy change?

‘Our parents lived for their children, we live for ourselves’
Jia Shicong is a 31-year-old education project manager. She is married to Hu Xuancheng, also 31, an engineer. They have a baby girl who is one year and seven months old. They live in Xi’an, in central China

Men Who Are Worried About a ‘Baby Bust’ Should Try Talking to Women by Erin Ryan

Men Who Are Worried About a ‘Baby Bust’ Should Try Talking to Women by Erin Ryan

(Link): Men Who Are Worried About a ‘Baby Bust’ Should Try Talking to Women

Excerpts:

The notion that forced confinement leads to a spike in fertility rates has been debunked several times over.

There was no “blackout baby” surge nine months after New York City lost power for 10 hours in 1965. Evidence of “Hurricane Sandy babies,” “blizzard babies” and even “9/11 babies” has been apocryphal at best.

Despite stories suggesting otherwise, statistics show that disaster baby booms are urban legends since storms and blackouts don’t cause couples to throw caution and contraception to the wind.

Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant

Dear Prudence, My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant

How frigging obnoxious. I would not have a problem telling this “Jane” person, if I knew her, to STFU and get out of my business.

I’m sure not opposed to people having children and so on, but even as a conservative, I find that most conservatives – especially the religious types – do this same thing that “Jane” is doing to her female friends on a bigger scale: they are forever publishing thought pieces, usually alarmist or shaming in nature, screaming at all women to run out and get pregnant, and they too can STFU about this.

(Link): Dear Prudence, My My Friend Won’t Stop Demanding I Get Pregnant 

By DANIEL MALLORY ORTBERG

Dear Prudence,

My friend “Betty” is single, and I’m about to get married, but we’ve both noticed a recent trend with our friend “Jane” that we can’t abide. Every time we see her, Jane expresses how excited she is for us to have children.

We hear some version of “You have to have kids!” or “I can’t wait till you have babies!”

Usually she is drunk when this happens, but she’s mentioned it sober too. It makes us both extremely uncomfortable.

Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin

Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin

The author’s attitude towards celibacy is a bit negative, which I do not like. This guy seems to worship the Nuclear Family, something a lot of secular and Christian conservatives are guilty of.

It’s not just technology that possibly leads to celibacy – Christian teachings in the United States is also, or can be, a celibacy factory., and that was true long before the rise of social media.

He thinks less sex is “grim.” Oh please.

Marriage isn’t a guarantee of sex, either. I have many examples on my blog of (Link): sexless marriages.

(Link): Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession

We may live amidst what seems a libidinous culture, but oddly also an increasingly sexless time.

Of course, the drop in early teen sex – and even more so, teen pregnancies – represents positive developments, but when lack of social interaction leads to celibacy in the twenties, thirties and beyond, the implications are less than wholesome.

The Atlantic recently described a “sex recession” in the United States and most western countries, with fewer people dating and even those in relationships getting intimate less often than in the past, while fewer enjoy regular bonds of any kind.