Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Kids by S. Treleaven
Inside the Growing Movement of Women Who Wish They’d Never Had Kids by S. Treleaven
Getting Married Is Not an Accomplishment by N. Brooke
Many of the commentators at the bottom of this page written by N. Brooke at “Huffington Post” don’t get it.
Often times, when someone points out how culture makes much too much out of marriage and parenthood, to the detriment of singles or childless and childfree people, married parents take this as being some kind of attack on their lives or lifestyle choices (which it is not), and they get defensive and act offended.
I’ve said many times on this blog that I have nothing against marriage or parenthood per se – my quibble, my problem, is with a culture and church that either ignores those who are NOT married parents, or else insults singles and the childless, and treats them as though they are not “real” grown-ups, or treat them as though they are flawed.
I maintain that women get FAR more pressure to marry and/or have children than men do. Women are judged on the basis of their marital status in a way and level that men are not.
Women are valued by culture ONLY for virtue of being baby-making machines, and/or if they are attached to a man.
Men may face some of this pressure from church or culture, but not anywhere near the level of insanity that women do.
Men have more freedom in our culture to stay bachelors – nobody thinks them pathetic, sad, peculiar, a loser, or a failure if they never marry or never have kids. Not so for women.
I too tire of a culture that makes more a big deal out of weddings than a woman’s non-martial achievements, such as purchasing her own home, or getting a promotion at her job.
Italy’s Campaign for More Babies is Called Racist and Sexist
After having skimmed this page over, yes, this campaign sounds very sexist and very condescending towards women.
by E. Lyman, Sept 2016
ROME — Italy launched a program Thursday aimed at reversing one of the world’s lowest birthrates, but the first “Fertility Day” initiative produced a backlash with charges of sexism, racism and comparisons to wartime dictator Benito Mussolini.
The Ministry of Health campaign focuses in part on measures to combat sterility, but the notion of encouraging women to think about having children earlier produced the most fire.
One ad, for example, showed a smug pregnant woman holding an hourglass with a tagline that reads, “Beauty doesn’t have an age. Fertility does.” Another showed the outline of a long-beaked bird reading, “Hurry up! Don’t wait for the stork.”
“It’s incredibly condescending to think that Italian women don’t understand how their biological clock works,” said Rebecca Winke, 45, a Chicago native operating a bed and breakfast in the central Italian town of Assisi. “What women here need is the same opportunities men have in the workforce, affordable child care and a generation of Italian men who can do their fair share at home.”
Germans Losing Interest in Sex – Relying on Immigration to Boost Population
And I just did a post about a week ago about American millennials not wanting sex, and one the other day about (Link): Japanese people not having sex.
Not having sex seems to be a trend right now, if only left and right wing Americans would catch on and stop shaming people for being over 18 and being virgins.
One of the recurring themes I’ve seen in these reports when I skim them are that people are abstaining from sex because they find other activities more rewarding or enjoyable.
For example, in one of the articles I read about why millennials are not having sex, one young man said he is not interested, he would rather play video games.
In this article about Germans, Germans say they are abstaining because they’d rather exercise or get online than have sex. It’s fascinating that so many people consider other activities more worthwhile or enjoyable than sex.
by Oliver JJ Lane, Sept 2016
New research shows Germans are showing less interest in sex as a recreational activity, while birthrates in the central European nation flatlines. It is thanks only to mass migration, now, that the German population is growing at all.
The Hamburg Institute for Future Studies has revealed a rapidly dwindling interest among Germans in sex — and indeed among most social interaction — with the shortfall being made up by a devotion to television, the internet, and exercise.
More Than 40 Per Cent of Japan’s Adult Singles are Virgins, Says Study
Cue all the left wing wackos, 99% of whom think pre-marital sex should be the norm, who will say these guys are all “repressed,” and cue the 99% of conservatives and conservative Christians in America who will say these singles are weirdos who should be marrying young and popping out tons of rug rats. Nobody but nobody respects the choice of adults to remain virgins (or be celibate).
By the way, American Christians should stop relying on “bedroom evangelization” to increase Christian numbers, as the New Testament does not teach this concept: the Bible teaches that converts are to be made by Christians sharing the Gospel with Non-Christians, not by Christians marrying each other and having children.
I’d like to offer another view about this news story.
American Christians (and their secular counterparts) tend to assume that most people, or everyone, is having sex prior to the age of 25 or 30 (see this link).
Many Christians wrongly assume that remaining a virgin into adulthood is a (Link): “heroic” or (Link): “impossible” feat, and is only possibly by a (Link): tiny fraction of super holy adults that God “gifted” with celibacy. This story shows all that to be bunk. Single adults in Japan are staying virgins in droves!
Now, being celibate when you’d rather be having sex can be difficult at times – it’s not always an easy task – but, contrary to secular assumptions and idiotic teachings put out by most conservative (and some liberal) Christians, it is NOT an impossible deed only a tiny percentage of adults are capable of. It does not take a “special gifting of God” to be celibate, either – I don’t think many Japanese in Japan are Christian, are they?
By Our Foreign Staff – 17 SEPTEMBER 2016
Now a survey of unmarried people aged 18 to 34 found that around 42 per cent of men and 44.2 per cent of single women had never had sex.
The study is carried out by Japan’s (Link): National Institute of Population and Social Security every five years.
… The new data however indicates, that, if anything Japanese men and women are growing apart.
Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape
The guy in this story, Willis, is a married father who was on a “family values” type TV show, where he was passing himself off as being a good, Christian guy. He has been arrested for having raped a child years ago.
As someone who can be pretty critical of lots of Christians and “family values” rhetoric, I do think I should periodically mention when blogging about these news stories I do realize that not all Christians (or people who have traditional values) are scum bags.
However, these sorts of stories are common enough – stories about guys who claim to be Christ-followers or who are big advocates of “Family Values” who do end up being child molesters or wife beaters – that maybe Christians who are heavily vested in the culture wars might want to take a step back.
I will also remind readers how this story about a married man who is father to numerous biological children who raped a person shows that the Christian propaganda and stereotype that being married and a parent is necessary to being a good, godly, mature, or ethical person is a bunch of nonsense.
(Link): Dad from TLC’s Conservative Christian ‘Willis Family’ TV Series Arrested for Child Rape by D. Ferguson
Toby Willis — patriarch of the conservative Christian family featured on TLC’s reality show The Willis Family — has been arrested and charged with the rape of an underage girl.
(Link): The New York Daily News reported Saturday that Toby Willis, 46, was arrested and charged by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation (TBI) for raping an underage girl 12 years ago.
TBI agents carried out a days-long investigation of the charges against Willis, who is the father of 12 children, all of whose names begin with the letter J. The Duggar-like musical family were the stars of their own reality show about traveling the country spreading the Christian gospel and performing country music. However, due to poor ratings, TLC canceled the show in April.
Willis was apprehended in Kentucky where he fled in an attempt to evade arrest. He will be extradited to Tennessee’s Cheatham County Jail, where he will be held without bond.
Willis and his wife Brenda — like Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar — are (Link) Quiverfull parents, adherents to a Christian dominionist sect that encourages married couples to produce as many offspring as possible in order to raise an army of believers.
Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late
(Link): Single, 54, and a New Dad: Why Some Start Families Late by A. Ellin
August 5, 2016
SPARKY CAMPANELLA never heard the thrumming of a biological clock. But his “sociological clock” — his sense that he was missing out on something important in life — boomed mightily. At the age of 54, he decided to do something about it. He became a father.
He was single, but so what? “I decided I could either do it myself, or wait for the right partner to come along,” said Mr. Campanella, a Los Angeles fine arts photographer whose son, Rhys, is a little over 1 year old. Over the years he had dated women who had children of their own, but he realized that he didn’t want to be a stepdad.
….It’s a question many childless people over 50 are asking themselves. Of course, dealing with night feedings and rambunctious 2-year-olds are not for the faint of heart. But with their finances in order and their careers in place, with their life spans extended, some older people are concluding: Why not start — or continue — raising children in later life?
Our Priorities Are Off When Family Is More Important Than Church – Jesus’ focus was on the family of God, not the biological family. by J. Hellerman
I’ve been saying the same thing on this blog the last few years: American Christians have turned the Nuclear Family, and all that goes with it – Marriage and Children and Parenthood – into idols.
American Christians have done so to such a degree that anyone who is not part of such as family, anyone who is single or childless, is marginalized.
By the way, Facebook group SCCL posted a link to this same editorial (link to SCCL discussion thread). Unfortunately, many of the participants in the thread have chosen to take the editorial the wrong way – they think it’s rude, inappropriate, or weird to ask or expect Christians to make spiritual family (other believers) a priority to them, over their biological family, or in addition to.
The posters at SCCL clearly do not understand – you have people (such as me), with little to no biological family, and people such as myself (older singles with no kids) are side-lined, minimized, all by a church culture that hypes and deifies “the nuclear family,” children, and marriage.
I do not think a Christian should so prioritize his church that he ignores his biological family, but we have the opposite problem in many churches today – people who are widowed, never married, divorced, or childless are treated like trash, and their needs go unmet, because too many churches cater to the traditional family unit, something Jesus expressly forbid them from doing.
… American adults, according to (Link): a recent Barna study, are “most likely to point to their family as making up a significant part their personal identity.” Country and God come next. Christians are no exception; natural family has usurped God and his family as the primary identity marker for most church-goers.
Most of us prioritize our commitment to family above our commitment to the church. This is unfortunate, because the Bible offers us a different set of relational priorities.
With Menopause Reversal, Women Could Be Forever Fertile
The hot flashes, night sweats, and vaginal dryness characteristic of menopause may no longer also signal the end of a woman’s fertility thanks to a blood treatment used to heal wounds.
Presenting their findings at the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology annual meeting in Helsinki, Finland, this month, researchers in Greece said they were able to reverse menopause in roughly 30 women, including one who entered menopause at 40 but five years later menstruated again, reports (Link): New Scientist.
Why does society still view childless women like me with suspicion?
(Link): Why does society still view childless women like me with suspicion? by E. Day
The Eclipse of White Christian America
Actress Jennifer Aniston Responds to Media’s Constant Fixation on her Reproductive Status
I’ve said it before, but women face much more scrutiny and pressure to have children than men do.
This is by actress Jennifer Aniston:
(Link): For The Record
The Conservative, Christian Case for Working Women by J. Merritt
Some of the few complementarian Christians I follow on social media did not like this article at all. They seem to find any criticism of their position, or any suggestion of other options for women, to be a great affront to complementarianism itself, or to God or the Bible. Why do they feel their movement is so fragile?
Christian women who reject complementarianism – some of them may go by various labels, such as “Jesus feminists,” or “egalitarians,” or “mutualists,” don’t seek to limit women the way complementarians do. Non-complementarian men and women do not mind if a woman chooses to be a stay at home wife and mother.
However, complementarians do not truly afford all women, and especially not non-complementarian, women this same courtesy.
Much complementarian content will pay “lip service” to respect a woman’s right to choose to work outside the home and so on, but often times, from what I’ve seen, that very same site, or authors on some other complementarian site, will cry and clutch their pearls in sorrow or grief that more and more Christian women are choosing to stay single, not have children, and/or to work outside the home.
Notice that in this article, at one point, complementarian Owen Strachan, who is a spokes-head for complementarian group CBMW, comes right out and says egalitarianism, or any departure from complementarianism, is supposedly a sin.
Egalitarians are all about giving women more choices, telling them to go after their dreams, and doing whatever they feel God has led them to do.
Complementarians really chaff at that. Complementarians want women in boxes. I wrote a much older post saying that (Link): this is one reason of several I really have been struggling with holding on to the Christian faith. I was raised in a Christian family that bought into many of these complementarian ideas, and it’s not something that worked out well for me in my life.
(Link): The Conservative, Christian Case for Working Women by J. Merritt
Please Stop Asking Me When I’m Getting Married and Having My Own Kids – by E. Barnes
I believe I first saw this link on Melanie Notkin’s Twitter:
(Link): Please Stop Asking Me When I’m Getting Married and Having My Own Kids – by E. Barnes
Church Tries to Punish Girls Who Sued Over Sex Abuse by Outing Them – Singles: Don’t Take Dating Advice from Religious Groups Who Think It’s Acceptable to Harass Rape Victims – And Dump Equally Yoked Teaching
This story is horrible enough as it is, and another indicator of how unsympathetic and awful churches are towards abuse victims of all kinds.
However, I also wanted to add this observation, as outlined in the next few paragraphs.
I was taught as a kid that Christian singles are only to marry other Christians, which is sometimes called “being equally yoked.”
My parents, who were Christians, would advise me when I was younger to seek out a spouse in a local church, if I wanted to marry.
In light of stories like the one I’m posting here, I don’t think I consider churches a good place to meet potential dates or mates any longer. I am questioning that.
If church members think it’s compassionate or acceptable to be hostile to child sex abusive victims and to protect the pedophile who assaulted them, one wonders how heartless and immoral the persons at that church must be in other areas, and how terrible their judgement concerning other things is.
Continue reading “Church Tries to Punish Girls Who Sued Over Sex Abuse by Outing Them – Singles: Don’t Take Dating Advice from Religious Groups Who Think It’s Acceptable to Harass Rape Victims – And Dump Equally Yoked Teaching”
Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son
He said he’d never buy an ad like this himself, but “it’s worth a shot. Can’t hurt.”
Mommy Blogger Confesses in Blog Post that Mommy Blogging is a Bunch of Fake, Happy-Clappy B.S. – Kind of Like Most Christian Adult Singleness Blogs
I first got wind of this story via SCCL Facebook group ((Link): Conversation about this topic at SCCL FB Group).
A link to a news article about the Mommy Blogger is much farther below. I wanted to say a few things before getting to the article.
The (ex?) mommy blogger in question, Josi Denise, says in one of her blog posts that a lot of mommy blogging is fake and too happy-clappy.
Denise’s critique of Mommy Blogging is reminiscent of my views on blogs or magazine articles by Christians pertaining to adult singleness, which you can read here:
I find that a lot of Christian-written material for adult singles is too sickeningly sweet.
There is an absence in most Christian-penned material for singles that honestly, really gets into and grapples with, how hard, painful, or disappointing it can be to be single into your 30s and older, when you had really expected or had hoped to marry.
Exploding the Myth of the Traditional Family
(Link): Exploding the Myth of the Traditional Family by E. Hines
Mothers Over 40 in Record Baby Boom: Number of Women Who Give Birth in Their Fifth Decade or Later Trebles
This article is from 2010. I could have sworn I already did a blog post on this, but I looked around my blog a little bit and don’t see it.
Woman in Her 70s May Be Oldest Ever to Give Birth