People Who Get Divorced Are More Likely To Die Early Than Those …  Who Never Got Married In the First Place, Study Shows (2020)

People Who Get Divorced Are More Likely To Die Early Than Those …  Who Never Got Married In the First Place, Study Shows

(Link): People who get divorced are more likely to die early than those who drink heavily, have money problems or never got married in the first place, study shows

Excerpts:

By Luke Andrews

People who get divorced are more likely to die than heavy drinkers, people with money problems and those who never got married in the first place, a study has shown.

Scientists revealed the disparity after asking 13,611 American adults aged between 50 and 104 about their lives over the previous 16 years, between 1992 and 2008.

They then collected data on those that died between 2008 and 2014, either through national mortality records or interviews with relatives.

Continue reading “People Who Get Divorced Are More Likely To Die Early Than Those …  Who Never Got Married In the First Place, Study Shows (2020)”

A Table For One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (podcast and free book on singleness from author Kinneret Lahad)

A Table For One: Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (podcast and free book on singleness from author Kinneret Lahad)

The author was also offering a free (yes, free – and it’s totally legal) download or copy of her book about singleness (a book which I have not read; I may do so later).

I did listen to the interview she gave for the podcast linked to here:

(Link): A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time
^ Podcast on that Page

Why are you still single?

This question is often asked of single women, especially those who are deemed by loved ones or friends to be too old to be single.

In her newest book, A Table for One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time(Manchester University Press, 2017), Kinneret Lahad analyzes this undertheorized aspect of the gendered experience.

Singlehood is inextricably linked to a post-structural analysis of time: not only are single women judged on their single status based on how old they are, but Lahad argues that being single often ages women at a faster rate in the eyes of others.

Continue reading “A Table For One: A Critical Reading of Singlehood, Gender and Time (podcast and free book on singleness from author Kinneret Lahad)”

Average Age For Heterosexual Marriage Hits 35 for Women and 38 For Men (2020)

Average Age For Heterosexual Marriage Hits 35 for Women and 38 For Men (2020)

From a UK paper, but the trend for people not marrying at all ever or in their late 202/30s or older is the same in the United States:

(Link): Average Age For Heterosexual Marriage Hits 35 for Women and 38 For Men (2020)

ONS figures for 2017 also reveal marriages for opposite-sex couples at lowest level on record

April 2020
by Owen Bowcott

The average age at which heterosexual couples marry has reached 35.7 years for women and 38 years for men, according to the latest official figures.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) recorded further declines in the number of couple’s opting for religious ceremonies and in overall marriages among opposite-sex couples in 2017.

Continue reading “Average Age For Heterosexual Marriage Hits 35 for Women and 38 For Men (2020)”

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse b A. Fetters and K. Tiffany

For anyone who cannot wait to get to it, here’s the link to the piece on The Atlantic:

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

Some of my comments about that piece before I put in some excerpts from it:

About the only “numbers approach” I have ever mentioned on my own blog here is that Christian women really do unnecessarily limit themselves if they try to live out the “Be Equally Yoked” philosophy in regards to dating and marriage, because the reality is, yes, the math is that there are not enough single, Christian men to go around for all the Christian single women who’d like to marry.

So, it makes sense to forgo the “equally yoked” rule, if one is a Christian, to date outside the Christian faith.

At the same time, though, I have seen other adults singles make much too much out of the “numbers game” philosophy on dating sites or comments sections on blogs about dating, where they make finding a romantic life partner sound so cold, or as though they’re shopping for a car.

There’s nothing wrong with having standards, but I am afraid there is a category of single adult who is too stringent or unrealistic with their lists of “must haves.”

I am personally turned off by anyone dispensing dating or “how to get married” advice who behave  as though there is a sure-fire guarantee way to land a spouse – because (Link): there is no such thing.

So, I’m really turned off by the many (sexist) attitudes and lists out there telling women if only the women do X, Y, and Z, they will absolutely get married to a great guy.

One problem is that most of these lists (which go viral on Twitter) are predicated on the notion that all men want and prefer 1950s, submissive, uber-feminine women.

Well, I lived that way for many decades – I was raised in a very traditional family that was into conservative values – so I had many of those prized traits sexist men online say will grant a woman a husband, but I remain never-married into my late 40s.

I was a very meek, docile, passive, sweet woman with traditional values, and no, it didn’t get me a husband.

(As I’ve aged, I’ve realized that it’s not a healthy or safe dating strategy for a woman to fit the picture of docile, overly feminine, passive, etc, that the “dating advice” gurus suggest on twitter and elsewhere, because many abusive, selfish, or controlling men intentionally seek out women with such qualities so that they can control, abuse, or take advantage of them.)

There are many conservatives – including women authors, unfortunately – who keep writing dating advice books for women, or who go on to FOX cable news morning shows, who keep encouraging women to engage in these dangerous dating strategies (of being a doormat, where being “feminine” is associated with doormat behaviors), which I’ve written about before (Link): here and (Link): here, among other blog posts.

The article below states at one point that men out-number women on dating sites. That may be so on some sites, but certainly not all.

Years ago, I had a paid membership on a dating site, and the site was forever claiming they could find no matches for me, most of the time.

For the four or five month paid subscription I had, I was only linked up to a total of about three men in that time.

My research on that particular online dating company found it’s the same with a lot of women, as it had been for me: that site tends to only “dribble out” a tiny number of matches for women, while they send male members more matches per month, every month.

Here are excerpts from…

(Link): The ‘Dating Market’ Is Getting Worse

The old but newly popular notion that one’s love life can be analyzed like an economy is flawed—and it’s ruining romance.

It’s understandable that someone like Liz [a 30 year old single who is using dating apps to find dates] might internalize the idea that dating is a game of probabilities or ratios, or a marketplace in which single people just have to keep shopping until they find “the one.”

The idea that a dating pool can be analyzed as a marketplace or an economy is both recently popular and very old:
For generations, people have been describing newly single people as (Link): 
“back on the market” and (Link): analyzing dating in terms of supply and demand.

Continue reading “The “Dating Market” Is Getting Worse by A. Fetters and K. Tiffany”

Seven Reasons Not To Get Married, According to Science

Seven Reasons Not To Get Married, According to Science

(Link): Seven Reasons Not To Get Married, According to Science

Excerpts:

…According to the Pew Research Center, in 2012, (Link): one in five adults age 25 and older (at the time, that was about 42 million people) had never been married. Compare that to 1960, when only about one in ten adults of the same age range had never been married.

That rise in never-marrieds is attributed to the fact that folks are getting hitched later in life, and that more couples are cohabiting and raising children outside of marriage.

Right now, the median age for first marriages is its highest ever: 30 years old for men and 28 years for women, according to U.S. Census Bureau data taken in 2018.

Continue reading “Seven Reasons Not To Get Married, According to Science”

It’s Never Too Late for Love: Widows, 100 and 102, Marry After a Year of Dating by J. Hahn

It’s Never Too Late for Love: Widows, 100 and 102, Marry After a Year of Dating by J. Hanh

(Link): Meet the Cooks. He’s 100, she’s 102, and they just got married.

(Link): It’s Never Too Late for Love: Widows, 100 and 102, Marry After a Year of Dating

July 2019

John and Phyllis Cook fell for each other in their shared assisted living facility

A senior couple is proving that it’s never too late to find love, even if it comes many years after your first.

According to NBC 24, John and Phyllis Cook have been dating for a year after meeting in their shared assisted living facility in Ohio. Their love blossomed over the course of their courtship, and on Wednesday, the two sealed the deal and secured a marriage license, making their union official.

Continue reading “It’s Never Too Late for Love: Widows, 100 and 102, Marry After a Year of Dating by J. Hahn”

Is America Ready For A Single President? by J. Weiss

Is America Ready For A Single President? by J. Weiss

This article, or the tweets advertising it, were saying that the public is “fascinated” by “bachelors.”

It’s so sexist. The public has never been “fascinated” by women who remain single. We single, (never-married) women instead get insults and derogatory labels such as “cat lady” or “spinster.”

(Link): Is America Ready For A Single President?

Excerpts:

by J. Weiss, Feb 9, 2019

Cory Booker is about to find out just how much U.S. attitudes about politicians and their personal lives have shifted.

A bachelor in the White House? It’s such a compelling scenario that Aaron Sorkin once wrote a movie about it.

“The American President” came out in 1995, years before “The West Wing” and decades before never-married Senator Cory Booker announced own run for president. Michael Douglas stars as a widowed commander in chief who falls for an environmental lobbyist. (They meet cute when he overhears her insulting him in a White House meeting room.)

Their courtship is a lesson in the perils of presidential dating: the media mob, the character attacks, the moment where the president has to choose between his crime bill and his girlfriend’s clean air bill. On the second date, he also seems to tell her some classified security information, though the movie doesn’t make a big deal out of that.

It’s clear that every moment is a minefield, for both the president and the person he’s trying to woo—something Booker seems to grasp as he makes the media rounds in these early days of his campaign.

During his appearance on the syndicated morning radio show “The Breakfast Club” early this month, the conversation turned to his dating life—“Cory Booker got a boo?” exclaimed a host named Charlamagne—and the man known for glib speeches in Senate hearing rooms got cagey, all of a sudden. “Out of all the issues we talked about,” Booker stammered, “this is the most uncomfortable part of this interview.”

Like it or not, it’s going to keep coming up. Continue reading “Is America Ready For A Single President? by J. Weiss”

Never Married Person Ticked Off Because Churches Don’t Support Never Marrieds Who Do Not Want To Be Married

Never Married Person Ticked Off Because Churches Don’t Support Never Marrieds Who Do Not Want To Be Married

I once posted to a thread about adult singleness at another blog in 2014.

A person or two left comments there that I am just now, in 2019, seeing (as of last night).

I support single adults who’ve always been single who do NOT want to be married.

I’m a never married adult who wanted to be married, but it did not happen for me.

A person calling him or herself “Ehartsay” left a comment in that thread in 2014, (Link): here. I will just assume this is a woman poster.

Here is a portion of her comment:

by Ehartsay:

It has started to leave be with a feeling like even in this camp it is really only accepted to stay longterm single because of high standards, but still holding out hope for marriage, and not because you simply don’t want to be or care care about getting married

Even the ‘Christian Pundit’ seems to take care to establish that she wanted and still wants to get married, and would have been but for circumstances.
How about some live [love] for the marriage averse among us?
//////

Here is the reply I left to her:

Ehartsay,
Why are you criticizing me for wanting to be married? That’s what it sounds like you’re doing. I wish I had seen that post of yours back in 2014 – it’s five years later now.

On my blog, I have said in different blogs posts over the last few years I don’t have a problem with singles who enjoy being single and have no desire for marriage, and I’ve said on my blog that churches should treat such singles with respect and not try to cram marriage down their throats.

But I find your nit picking over my comment to be insulting.

What is it to you if I honestly would still like to marry?

Continue reading “Never Married Person Ticked Off Because Churches Don’t Support Never Marrieds Who Do Not Want To Be Married”

Never Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers to Send Him A Wife

Never-Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers To Send Him A Wife

On the November 2, 2018 episode of “The 700 Club,” some guy named Stephen wrote in with a question about singleness and marriage, and host Gordon Robertson answered it.

You can find the question on You Tube (Link) here, and that part of the show is in the last 5 – 10 minutes of the show. You can also watch that same episode on (Link): The 700 Club web site.

I will discuss the letter from Stephen more below.

First, I wanted to say…
Within the past 2 – 3 weeks, 700 Club has been running more than their usual number of questions from viewers about singleness and asking why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, such as this one:

(Link): James the 40 Something Year Old Single Guy Asks Why Don’t Churches Help Single Adults Get Married

I have watched this 700 Club show daily since around 2005, and sporadically prior to that, for years (my mother used to watch this show when I was a kid in the 1970s, so I’ve seen plenty of it).

Well, in most episodes, 700 Club rarely, rarely addresses adult singleness. They mostly feature married couples who are having affairs or financial problems.

They rarely address singleness, unless they have a 30- or 40 -something female co-host who is single.

Continue reading “Never Married Adult Man Named Stephen Asks Christian Host Why God Has Not Answered His 3-Decades Long Prayers to Send Him A Wife”

60 Year Old, Never- Married Woman Asks Christian TV Host Pat Robertson If Some Are Just Not Meant to Marry

60 Year Old, Never- Married Woman Asks Christian TV Host Pat Robertson If Some Are Just Not Meant to Marry

Below, in this post, is a video on You Tube, via ‘700 Club,’ uploaded on October 25, 2018, in which a 60 year old woman says she “never found a godly man to marry” and her church never has any men her age there.

She asks Robertson if some people are just never meant to marry.

As I’ve been saying on this blog for ages now, you cannot count on God, prayer, churches or Christians to fix you up with a spouse, because they won’t (churches will even shame and scold you for asking).

The woman says she’s never found a “godly” man to marry – I think that is Christian code-speak for “I haven’t found a Christian man to marry.” This woman has probably been brain-washed into accepting (Link): the “Equally Yoked” teaching.

Single ladies, if you are Christian and want marriage, the numbers are stacked against you, as I’ve explained in numerous posts before. You need to get away from this “I must marry a  Christian and only a Christian” belief, or you will end up in your 40s, never married like me, or like this 60 year old woman.

It’s better to find a kind-hearted, loving Non-Christian man to marry than end up at 60 never having been married because you could not find a compatible Christian man – there are no single Christian men in churches for you to meet and marry who are over age 30 and under age 80. They don’t attend church.

Continue reading “60 Year Old, Never- Married Woman Asks Christian TV Host Pat Robertson If Some Are Just Not Meant to Marry”

Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle”

Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle”

(Link): Retired wartime nurse aged 105 says secret to long life is to ‘avoid men as they’re not worth the hassle’

Sep 2018

When asked for tips to live longer, Brenda Osborne said that men ‘aren’t worth the hassle’

A 105-year-old woman who lived through both World Wars says her secret to longevity was to stay single.

Continue reading “Retired Wartime Nurse Aged 105 Says Secret to Long Life is to “Avoid Men As They’re Not Worth the Hassle””

I Was Expected to Marry So I Went to Antarctica Instead

There is a video on the page with an interview or news story:

(Link): I Was Expected to Marry So I Went to Antarctica Instead 

Meena Rajput was raised to be a “good Indian girl”. To cook, clean and have a family. But she’s already been arrested and cautioned for an environmental protest with Greenpeace.

Instead of settling down and getting married she’s heading to Antarctica as part of a team exploring one of the harshest environments on earth. The organisation is campaigning to create the largest wildlife sanctuary in the world.

Her mum’s told her to come back with a partner. Even if it’s a penguin.


Related Post:

(Link): The Indian Woman Who Chose A Bull Over Marriage

“I think a lot of people are afraid to be single and I fully embraced it,” the Olympian said

(Link):  “I think a lot of people are afraid to be single and I fully embraced it,” the Olympian said

Adam Rippon may have captured many hearts around the world with his Olympic debut, but for now the 28-year-old is enjoying being single.

“I think a lot of people are afraid to be single,” Rippon, who broke up with his boyfriend of two years before the Olympics, (Link): told People.

Continue reading ““I think a lot of people are afraid to be single and I fully embraced it,” the Olympian said”

Why Millennials not getting married may be a good thing

Why Millennials not getting married may be a good thing

Video on page:

(Link): Why Millennials not getting married may be a good thing

The reasons millennials give for not marrying, according to this video:

Not financially ready, haven’t found what they’re looking for (the right person), feel too young.

The video also discusses other issues surrounding diminishing marriage rates and so on and so forth.


Related Posts:

(Link):  Fewer People Are Getting Married – And That’s A Good Thing by J. Wright

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

Several months ago, the viewer question segment of the 700 Club’s show was called “Bring It On,” but for whatever the reason, they changed the name of the segment to “Your Questions, Honest Answers.”

On today’s (January 3, 2018) program, a woman named Joanne wrote Pat Robertson with this question (video below). I will type up a transcript of her letter (which was read aloud by the lady co-host) and then I will opine about the letter below the transcript:

Viewer Question Transcript:

My husband and I were happily married for 37 years. Every single night I prayed to God thanking him for my husband and the life we had together.

I asked God to never take him from me, for I had hoped that we would grow old together.

Then one day out of nowhere, my husband was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I was devastated and I felt like my sincere prayer must not have meant anything to God.

Continue reading “Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her”

Six New Things Researchers Found Out About Single People in 2017 by B. DePaulo

Six New Things Researchers Found Out About Single People in 2017 by B. DePaulo

(Link): Six New Things Researchers Found Out About Single People in 2017 by B. DePaulo

Excerpts:

… The ensuing decades have done little to dissuade social scientists of their certainty that single people were doing themselves a disservice. Until now. In 2017, it was that conviction that got wrecked.

As a psychologist, I study single people – their lives, their happiness, the stigma they face – and I can say that this has been a banner year for the publication of massive studies challenging what we thought we knew about their supposedly inferior life voyages.

New insights just kept coming: on sex and dating, on self-esteem, on what it means to be an adult. And they came just in time: In recent history, there have never been as many unmarried adults as there are right now. Here are a half dozen of the coolest discoveries about single people from the year 2017.

Demographically, single people are more powerful than ever before.
In 2017, the Census Bureau reported that a record number of adults in the U.S. were not married.

More than 110 million residents were divorced or widowed or had always been single; that’s more than 45 percent of all Americans aged 18 or older.

And people who did marry were taking longer than ever to get there. The median age of first marriage rose to 29.5 for men; for women, it reached 27.4. (These trends are likely to continue: A report from the Pew Research Center a few years ago predicted that by the time today’s young adults reach the age of 50, about one in four of them will have been single all their life.)

Continue reading “Six New Things Researchers Found Out About Single People in 2017 by B. DePaulo”

Why Is There Shame Around Being a ‘Relationship Virgin’ by B. DePaulo

Why Is There Shame Around Being a ‘Relationship Virgin’ by B. DePaulo

I was engaged in my early 30s, so this isn’t wholly applicable to me.

I did have an internet friend who, when I was around my late 30s, she was in her early 30s, and she confided in me that she felt bad about herself because she had never had a boyfriend or been on a date or anything.

I don’t know if this would mean anything or not to the person who wants a significant other but can’t seem to get one, and who’s never had one, but – it’s not what it’s cracked up to be if you’re with the wrong person. I was engaged to a few years to a guy, but he was so self-absorbed and had so many other flaws, the relationship brought me misery.

In my view, it’s better to be single, or to be of a “never was in a relationship” status, than to have been  in a lousy, non-satisfying relationship. The only thing I can say about my ex is “hey, I was engaged once.”

And that’s about it.

My ex used me, he was awful. I didn’t gain anything good out of our relationship, except experience and a resolve to never allow myself to be mis-treated by a guy ever again.

(Link): Why is there shame around being a ‘relationship virgin’? I’d be proud to be one.

by B. DePaulo

Excerpts:

I knew something was up when I got five emails in one day from people I didn’t know, all telling me they were “relationship virgins.” The impetus, I soon learned, was an (Link): essay in the Guardian about a woman who “managed to get to 54 without ever having had a boyfriend.”

…At the heart of this story were this woman’s attempts to answer the question: “What’s the matter with me?” Was she too awkward? Too desperate? Too insecure? Some of the people who wrote to me were grappling with the same question. My best guess is that nothing was wrong with them.

Continue reading “Why Is There Shame Around Being a ‘Relationship Virgin’ by B. DePaulo”

America, Home of the Transactional Marriage

America, Home of the Transactional Marriage by Victor Tan Chen

(Link):  America, Home of the Transactional Marriage

by Victor Tan Chen

The country’s exceptionally thin safety net prompts residents—especially those with less-steady employment—to view partnership in more economic terms.

Over the last several decades, the proportion of Americans who get married has greatly diminished—a development known as well to those who lament marriage’s decline as those who take issue with it as an institution.

But a development that’s much newer is that the demographic now leading the shift away from tradition is Americans without college degrees—who just a few decades ago were much more likely to be married by the age of 30 than college graduates were.

Today, though, just over half of women in their early 40s with a high-school degree or less education are married, compared to three-quarters of women with a bachelor’s degree; in the 1970s, there was barely a difference.

Continue reading “America, Home of the Transactional Marriage”

Craigslist Confessional: I’m in My 40s, Never Married, and a Virgin—but I’m Happy by Abigail

Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail

(Link): Craigslist confessional: I’m in my 40s, never married, and a virgin—but I’m happy by Abigail

Excerpts

Abigail, 40s

I come from what’s considered a pretty small family in my community. My parents are both Holocaust survivors, but growing up, our neighborhood wasn’t just Orthodox Jewish families like mine.

A lot of my friends were Italian, so it was really easy to see the difference between how other kids were raised, and how we were being raised. I went to an all-girls school that had a double curriculum: morning classes were religious, and the afternoon classes were secular.

By the time I was 19, three quarters of my high school class was engaged. The typical age for marriage was in the early twenties, so I didn’t really feel too much pressure at the time. But in our community, you don’t have “boyfriends.” You look for husbands.

Continue reading “Craigslist Confessional: I’m in My 40s, Never Married, and a Virgin—but I’m Happy by Abigail”

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married

‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married 

I just re-watched a re-run I had forgotten about. It really resonated – maybe not so much at the time, when I was in my 20s when it first aired, but now that I’m in my 40s and still single, like the character in the skit is, I totally relate.

I will embed the scene below in this post, that someone posted on You Tube (I so hope the video is never pulled down. Sometimes, videos are removed due to copyright infringement claims.)

“Everybody Loves Raymond” is a television situation comedy show that started around 1996. I used to watch it every week and still remember the characters and one or two of the episodes.

This show takes place, starts out, in the late 1990s, before many Americans had the internet – dating sites were still a good ways away, and cell phones didn’t really catch on until around the year 2,000 or a bit later.

Even when dating sites first came out and caught on, many singles did not want to use them.

Even up to around 2005 or so, there was a stigma attached to dating sites. If you used one at that time, you didn’t really want anyone to know, because they might think you were desperate or a loser.

I started watching “Everyone Loves Raymond” again in re-runs about two weeks ago – it comes on some of the local cable channels. If you’re like I am – single over the age of 35 and had expected and wanted to marry – you might really relate to the embedded video in this post, too.

To set it up for you if you’re not familiar with the show:

The show is about a guy named Ray who is married to Debra. Ray’s parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street from Ray and Debra.

Ray’s older brother, Robert (a.k.a. “Robbie”), is a police officer who lives with his parents – the guy was married to a woman name Joanne(?), and if I remember correctly, she won the house in their divorce. Joanne dumped Robert for a guy Robert arrested.

For a long time, Robert was too broke and too depressed to live on his own, so he lived with his parents. Eventually, Robert meets Amy, and they get married. But for a good long time, Robert, who is in his early 40s, is single, can’t seem to meet the right woman, and hates being single.

Continue reading “‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married”