How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

Here is a long excerpt from the review:

(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

  • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
  • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

    Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

    With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

    They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

    … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

    … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

    Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

Open Marriages – Another Reason Why Christians Are Wrong to Focus Sexual Purity Teachings Only on Singles or Kids

Open Marriages – Another Reason Why Christians Are Wrong to Focus Sexual Purity Teachings Only on Singles or Kids

Evangelical, Baptist, and other Christians keep wanting to peddle this nonsense that the Bible only encourages celibacy, sexual purity, and so on for singles, and kids, and college students. They assume marriage automatically makes married people above sexual sin.

Here’s yet another example where we have a married couple who are participating in sexual sin, although they are married! They agreed, after a period of years, to enter an “open marriage.” The wife found another man to diddle, but her husband is angry, because he cannot find another woman to diddle.

Here’s a letter, below, from 2005 that was sent to columnist Ask Amy.

These married people are so selfish. All they care about is getting their sexual kicks – they care not about fidelity to their partner.

And Christians keep maintaining in much of their literature, radio shows, etc, that singles need to get married, because marriage, doncha know, will make single adults more giving and ethical.

Notice in this letter, too, that it’s a married woman who is having sex with another man.

Christians (and Non Christians) often teach or assume that women are not interested in sex and only care about getting their emotional needs met. Obviously this is not so – this woman who wrote into Dear Amy enjoys having orgasms.

If she didn’t care about sex at all, she would not be porking another man and saying to Amy she is getting her rocks off about it.

  • DEAR AMY: My husband and I are in our 50s with grown children who are on their own.
  • We are youthful and healthy and, up until recently, our marriage was monogamous. Some time ago, we talked at length about sexual experimentation in the form of “open” marriage.
  • In fact, my husband was the one who suggested the idea, and we struck a deal. We agreed that if I wanted to get involved with someone else, it would be okay with him and he would feel free to do the same.
  • Well, I did and he didn’t.
  • Even though it’s only a once-in-a-while thing for me (with one man), I’m finding it very enjoyable, almost addictive. My husband and I get along well and still share an active sexual life, but he’s feeling slighted because he hasn’t found anyone else, and now he’s pressuring me to end my relationship.
  • The other man wants to continue, and to be perfectly honest, so do I.
  • My husband admits that if he also had “something going” right now, he would be okay with my relationship. The only one feeling left out at the moment is the guy who started this whole thing. What should I do?
  • — Part of a Triangle
  • DEAR PART:
  • Perhaps you could take out a “personals” ad on your husband’s behalf: “Wanted: Sexual partner for my husband so he’ll let me have my fun.”
  • I know that proponents of open marriage will claim that this version of marriage works, but your letter illustrates why it doesn’t.
  • What are the odds that both partners will find other fulfilling sexual partners at the same time, have relationships of the same duration and intensity, and not damage their marriage? The prospects are not good.
  • Open marriages don’t work because the “openness” more or less negates the “marriage.”
  • Perhaps you and your husband should have come to a contract of sorts before you embarked on this adventure. What you are doing is fraught with risk — sexual, physical and emotional.
  • Obviously, you two need to negotiate this matter together. A marriage counselor could help both of you to open up about your open marriage. (July 2005)

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Related Posts:

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Long Time Married Lady Wants to Know If She Can Have Affair Because Husband Has Not Been Spending Much Time With Her – Another example of why Christians need to teach that sexual purity is for all not just young singles

(Link):  Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

(Link):  Sex and Alzheimer’s – Selfish, Perverted Husband Rapes His Alzheimer’s Wife

(Link):  Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex – Husband is Sexless for Eight Years (article)