Dating, Marriage, Male Entitlement, and ‘My 600 LB Life’ TV Show

Dating, Marriage, Male Entitlement, and ‘My 600 LB Life’ TV Show

This is going to be one of those posts that meanders all over the place.

I’m not really sure where to start.

I’ve been watching a cable TV show called “My 600 LB Life” for over a year now. Aspects of content I see on this show remind me of some of the subjects I blog about on here.

I’m not sure exactly why I watch this show, but I find it riveting, and sometimes horrifying. It’s a reality program. Each show features a real-life person who is 600 or more pounds over-weight.

I do not watch the show to make fun of or laugh at the obese people.

I watch, I suppose, because I am interested in their life stories and what drove them to cope with life’s problems by over-eating to the point they become morbidly obese.

I also tune in to learn medical information about what happens to a body once it gets up to 600 pounds.

I learned from this show that not only does the body get a lot of fat on it (obviously), and the heart has a harder time pumping, but obese people can and do develop all sorts of secondary issues, such as painful bumps, scales, and swelling on their legs (which are referred to as, or the result of, things such as (Link): Cellulitis and (Link): Lymphedema).

The majority of the time, I feel empathy for the obese people on this show.

I am wishing them all the best and hoping they lose the weight and recover and get over whatever childhood horror and pain led them to over-eat (most cases of this show consist of someone who turned to food as comfort after they were neglected, molested, or abused in childhood).

There have been a few cases on this show, such as Steve Assanti, Chuck, and James K., where I have little to no empathy at all, because the person is whiny, ungrateful, abusive, rude, or incredibly self-absorbed.

Continue reading “Dating, Marriage, Male Entitlement, and ‘My 600 LB Life’ TV Show”

Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”

Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak”

 I would encourage anyone out there to take any dating or relationship advice from complementarian Matt Chandler with a huge, huge grain of salt, as I’ve written of here:

(Link):  Consider The Source: Christians Who Give Singles Dating Advice Also Regularly Coach Wives to Stay in Abusive Marriages

Chandler is head pastor at a church where he (and a few of his elders at his church) was going to discipline a woman for annulling her marriage to her husband for being a pedophile.

Off-site information on that:

(Link):  Mega-Church [run by Matt Chandler]: Stay With Your Kiddie-Porn Watching Husband or Face Discipline

I am personally not going to take dating or marital advice from some dude who thinks a woman should stay married to a pervert. -Which is what Chandler did.

About the only positive thing I can say about Chandler’s commentary about singleness, when he addresses the issue, is that he is supportive of (Christian) single women who desire marriage – he does acknowledge that too often Christians downplay this desire, or shame women for having it, or feed them platitudes (as if feeding a woman a platitude on this issue is going to help them – it is not).

Having said that, let’s take a look at this page from The Christian Post (I have more commentary below this long excerpt):

(Link):  Matt Chandler: Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak’ Feb 13, 2017 by W Showalter

Pastor Matt Chandler has some advice for young Christian singles on Valentine’s Day: Compromising a devout Christian spouse just for the sake of getting married will almost always result in more heartbreak.

Continue reading “Critique of Matt Chandler Sermon ‘Compromising a Godly Spouse Just to Get Married Yields ‘Heartbreak””

Nine Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data (Survey About Dating Site Users Habits Etc)

Nine Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data (Survey About Dating Site Users Habits Etc)

About men being ageist douche bags (as this article mentions): that is why I told single women on an older post on here to go ahead and lie about their ages on dating sites.

If most men are refusing to contact women over the age of 29 on dating sites, then go ahead and state your age as 27 or what have you, even if you’re actually age 40 or 54. If the guy meets you in person and isn’t attracted to you, meh, not much lost.

But if most men won’t even consider you at all on these sites unless you are age 20 – 25 (or 20 – 35), then magically make yourself age 33 or 22 by selecting those ages on your dating profile, if you are able.

I used to be on dating sites – men, some advice: women do NOT enjoy receiving “copy and paste” messages. We can tell, about 99% of the time, if you are sending us a copy and paste message. And it’s a huge turn-off.

(Link):  9 Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data

Excerpts:

Here are 9 revelations about sex and dating, courtesy of Rudder, Dataclysm, and, of course, big data.

1. Straight men think women have an expiration date.

Although women tend to seek men around their age, men of all ages are by far looking for women in their early 20s, according to OkCupid data. While men often set their age filters for women into the 30s and beyond, rarely do they contact a woman over 29.

2. Straight women are far less likely to express sexual desire than are other demographics.

On OkCupid, 6.1% of straight men are explicitly looking for casual sex. For gay men, it’s 6.9%, and for lesbians, 6.9%. For straight women, it’s only 0.8%.

Continue reading “Nine Ugly Lessons About Sex From Big Data (Survey About Dating Site Users Habits Etc)”

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

Holy guacamole did I ever find a post by a Christian guy who really knows how to slam never-married or “single again” adults.

I was astounded by parts of this guy’s post.

I almost re-tweeted a link to his blog post about divorce from my Twitter page (I saw someone else share it on Twitter), thinking someone may find it helpful (judging from the title alone, it sounded like it might be a good page) but thankfully, I skimmed it first.

I left a reply under the guy’s post, and his blog says my post is awaiting moderation. Who knows if he will approve it to appear or not.

(August 2016 update: my comment on his blog, that I made in April 2016, is STILL tagged with the “awaiting moderation” comment on his blog. Unreal.)

I have copied in my reply farther below. I tried to be civil in my reply.

I’m going to try to be charitable here on my own blog: maybe this guy does not realize how deeply insulting his blog post is – the parts where he talks about divorced people or the never-married.

This guy should realize that upholding marriage or discouraging divorce does not necessitate INSULTING SINGLE PEOPLE.

You do not have to scare married people out of divorce by suggesting that all “single again” or never-married adults out there are great big, scary losers who have a lot of baggage, so if married people divorce, they won’t be able to find a great partner.

Continue reading “Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage”

Woman raised in the Bible Belt by religious parents says she ended up in TWO abusive relationships – because being banned from dating made her ‘ignorant’ about men

Woman raised in the Bible Belt by religious parents says she ended up in TWO abusive relationships – because being banned from dating made her ‘ignorant’ about men

(A link to a woman’s testimony about how Christian or religious dating advice as a kid hurt her as an adult is linked to farther below in this post.)

As I’ve written of before on my blog, much Christian teaching about dating, gender roles, and marriage – especially if espoused by Christians who believe in and teach something called “gender complementarianism” – can often leave marriage-minded singles single far longer than they wish, or perhaps permanently.

Christian teaching on dating, while intended to help singles date “safely” (i.e., to prevent pre-marital sex)  ironically erects obstacles for singles who’d like to get married.

One problem of Christian teaching about dating and singleness is to teach singles, to teach men and women, to be afraid of each other; never spend time alone with an opposite-gender person, lest it lead to fornication.

Well, the only way to marry is to first spend time with an opposite-gender person (assuming you are hetero), via dating.

If you are a lady, in order to discover if you are compatible with a guy, you need to spend time alone with him on dates, especially if you are an adult. (Group dating is for teens, not people over the age of 21.)

This woman’s testimony I link to farther down this page is yet another example of this situation, of how damaging the usual Christian dating advice and gender complementarianism is to singles, especially women.

The things she was taught growing up by her religious parents – things about dating, modesty, gender roles, etc – caused her relationship problems later in life.

Christian Gender Complementarianism infantilizes women, causes them to be naive, and teaches them it is wrong, unladylike, or selfish to have boundaries and to be assertive.

As you can see in this article, this was certainly a problem for the woman author, Lorens.

When she was confronted with vulgar, strange male clients at her job in a store, she did not know how to assert herself and tell them to shove off – or even if she could do so in the first place.

Continue reading “Woman raised in the Bible Belt by religious parents says she ended up in TWO abusive relationships – because being banned from dating made her ‘ignorant’ about men”

When Your Dad Dates Your Boyfriends: Inside Christian Courtship / More Erroneous Christian Ideas About Marriage, Dating, Singleness

When Your Dad Dates Your Boyfriends: Inside Christian Courtship / More Erroneous Christian Ideas About Marriage, Dating, Singleness

Regarding the article about courtship linked to much farther below (I had a bunch of things I wanted to pontificate about before getting to the article itself):

I do not support this, where the parent “chooses” the spouse for the daughter.

One reason: we are Americans living in 2015, we are not in India, where the culture is into arranged marriages. We are not in 3,000 BC in Israel, where arranged marriages were common.

I almost never hear of a situation where, in Christian culture, the father (or mother) chooses a mate for the son, it’s almost always for the daughter. So this practice reeks of sexism, for one thing.

I have no problem with parents advising their daughter on what traits to look for in a mate, and what qualities to be leery of, but this nonsense where the dad basically has “final say” over this choice?

No.

As a parent, you are to raise your daughter to be a fully independent adult, which means, when she is young, conveying your values to her, but it also means allowing her, when she gets older, to make her OWN choices, even if they are choices you may not agree with.

For a father to make these sorts of major life choices for his daughter is to infantalize her, and this will be dangerous to her as she grows older.

The daughter needs to be able to determine for herself what her boundaries are, and when and how to say “no” to men she dates.

There will be cases where dear old dad will not always be there for her, to hold the daughter’s hand through the dating process, so she will have to be able to fend for herself.

Another issue I have with these sorts of teachings, even the more “watered down” variety by run of the mill evangelical families, is that they are ensuring that their kid will face a lifetime of singledom, because the parents create mate selection lists that are too long and too stringent.

The typical Christian lists of requirements for a mate I have seen are so absurdly complicated and strict that there are NO MEN ALIVE who will meet the criteria on such lists.

Regarding this quote from the article:

  • Instead of relying on OkCupid’s [dating site] matchmaking algorithms, [in Christian families who believe in courtship] women and men entrust God to find them an eligible spouse.

If these parents believe it is up to God to send the girl a mate, why are the fathers getting involved at all? To be consistent in their beliefs, shouldn’t they be stepping aside?

At any rate, I too was raised to believe that I should “entrust God to find me an eligible spouse,” and here I am, over the age of 40, and still single.

All my years of waiting on God, trusting God, praying to God, going to churches to meet a potential spouse, and so on, left me single.

Using faith to get a spouse simply does not work.

Christians need to stop promoting belief and faith as a tool to get a spouse, because God is not involved in the process, apparently.

Regarding this summary from the article of what one Christian mother is teaching her daughters about being married one day:

  • And if God doesn’t like what He sees, He may not bless her with a kind and loving husband.

This mother’s views are incorrect and un-biblical. Marriage is not a reward for “good girls,” or girls who follow all the rules; it’s surely not presented as such in the Bible, and I can tell you based on real life experience, things do not work this way.

God is not going to with-hold a spouse from you because you sin, or have sex prior to marriage, or what have you.

I have blogged about this topic before, in two or three posts, including these:

I am a virgin over the age of 40. No penis has been in my vagina; I was a super sweet, godly Christian lady for many years – and yet, God did not “bless me” or “reward me” with a husband.

If anyone deserves a husband from God based on merit, surely it is myself – but God never sent me one.

Conversely, I have a long list of examples on my blog of ungodly, fat, stupid, drug addicted, or child molesting, wife abusing, serial raping, self-professing Christian people who ended up married.

If it were true that God doles out marriage as a reward to the obedient and faithful, then I would not be seeing the numerous stories on news sites about Christian men who do things like look at porn all day, who beat their wives up, who cheat and lie on their jobs, who sell drugs, who molest children, and so forth. But such scum of society, some of them Christian, do eventually get married.

Regarding this quote by the pro-courtship Mother:

  • “When you are born a girl, it doesn’t matter whether you give her all the guns and G.I. Joes in the world, she’s still going to dream about her wedding day,” Dawn says in the film. “We have the hormones. We have the makeup. It’s just who we are.”

Speak for yourself, sister.

Look, I had long wanted to be married, but I didn’t think strongly about the topic until my mid 20s or so.

I did NOT spend my youth or teen years “day dreaming” fondly about the dress I would wear one day, and so forth. I did not give getting married a lot of thought.

As a matter of fact, I do NOT like the idea of a big, expensive wedding, not then, and not now. Such weddings are impractical and a waste of money.

I grew up being a tom boy. I loved Bat Man, science fiction movies, riding my bike, and I wanted to buy and ride a motorcycle one day. My life was not defined by getting married one day. So it’s not a universal truth that all girls fixate on marriage and their wedding day.

I have some more observations below this very long series of excerpts:

(Link): When Your Dad Dates Your Boyfriends: Inside Christian Courtship

  • Ron Wright sees it as his duty to date his daughters’ prospective boyfriends to ensure they share his family’s Christian ideals.
  • A Courtship, which debuts at the Tribeca Film Festival this week, documents an Evangelical alternative to modern dating: Instead of relying on OkCupid’s matchmaking algorithms, women and men entrust God to find them an eligible spouse.
  • We meet the Wright family in their nondescript hometown outside Grand Rapids, Michigan, where Ron Wright runs an educational website promoting Christian courtship, BeforetheKiss.com.When he isn’t working as a snowplow dispatcher, Ron and his wife, Dawn, proselytize courtship to other Christians.Dawn homeschools their two daughters, aged 11 and 9, who are taught that secular dating is forbidden under Christian courtship.

Continue reading “When Your Dad Dates Your Boyfriends: Inside Christian Courtship / More Erroneous Christian Ideas About Marriage, Dating, Singleness”