Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex
❗ (The post ahead may contain some rough or crass language. It contains adult material of a sexy nature.) ❗
I have alluded to these particular stereotypes in posts I made over a year ago in several different posts, but I feel this topic deserves its own post.
I am in my early forties now, and still a virgin. For many years, I waited for marriage to have sex.
I was waiting for the Christian spouse Christian culture said God would send me (if I prayed, waited, had faith, etc, all of which I did. I also tried dating sites). That “Mr Right” never showed.
During all this time, and even before, when I was a teenager, I couldn’t help but notice in sermons I saw on television, in Christian books, magazines, advice columns, and pamphlets, and now, these days, on blogs or podcasts I’ve seen or listened to, that Christians have some peculiar stereotypes about female sexuality.
Not that Non-Christian culture does not have its weird views about women and sex too, but as this post focuses on Christian views, I’d like to stick to that.
One topic I’ve discussed plenty on this blog is the old trope that men are visual and women are not. That simply is not true. Many women are visually oriented too. But I’m not here to blog about that in this post since I’ve blogged on it before.
–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE: SUPPOSEDLY ALL SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN HAVE HUGE, UNCONTROLLABLE SEX DRIVES AND SLEEP AROUND A LOT–
Another cliche’ I’ve seen from Christians is that single Christian women are hyper sexed harlots who bang ten different men every night, and above all, (the rest of this stereotype goes), the Christian single woman’s highest agenda is to have affairs with married men.
Never mind those cliches and stereotypes about single women are not true, Christians love to think they are, and they like to promote such thinking in books, blogs, radio shows and sermons about women, marriage, sex, and dating. (This is especially true of evangelical, Reformed, Baptist, and Fundamentalist Christians.)
Ergo, Christian single and married men are regularly coached in books, blogs, radio shows, pod casts, sermons, and other Christian media, and usually by male preachers, but also by insecure Christian wives, to stay the hell away from single Christian women.
I am a single woman (I was engaged once, years ago). I’ve never had sex. I don’t find most married men attractive. I would never have an affair with a married man, even if I did find one attractive. I can and do control my sex drive. But none of these facts matter to most Christians.
I am still regarded with suspicion by many Christians, just for being single. I am still deemed a Sexual Threat by Christian Culture for being single and female and nothing more.
I find this Christian stereotype of Christian single women being promiscuous sluts, or as being potential ones ready to detonate instantly with any and every man, extremely offensive.
Of course, married Christians and Christian dating advice books do not come right out and slap the label “promiscuous slut” on Christian single women when discussing Christian single women, but it’s assumed to be so.
After all, Christian men are told if they stay in a car with a single, Christian woman, or are alone with her any where (at a coffee shop, restaurant, office, house, etc), that it will always lead to sex, or probably will lead to sex.
–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE and married christian man fantasy: SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN SUPPOSEDLY WANT TO BOINK EVEN UGLY, FAT, OLD MARRIED MEN–
It is assumed in a lot of Christian teaching on dating, the genders, and marriage, that all Christian men want casual sex and cannot control themselves, and that all single, Christian women have no standards or ability to resist such men, or that they are sexually aggressive and will intentionally prey on men, especially married ones.
(I don’t know why married Christians assume that married men – especially middle aged to older, who are usually balding, out of shape, with beer guts, are such irresistible cat nip to un-married, Christian women.
I have higher physical specimen standards than that, thank you.
No, I don’t want to have sex with your 370 pound, hair- on- his- back, balding- on- the- head husband.
It’s insulting that married Christian culture or unattractive married men themselves assume attractive, single woman want to bed unattractive, married men.)
–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPES CAN LEAD TO LOSS OF FELLOWSHIP AND FRIENDS FOR SINGLE, ADULT WOMEN–
One thing the stereotype of “all single women are sluts or potential sluts who will sleep with your husband” does is discourage Christian married couples, or single men, from so much as forming platonic friendships with single women.
What happens? Single Christian women often end up very lonely and alone.
Nobody invites single women out for movies, or over for home cooked dinners, or over for the holidays.
Christians go against the Bible’s teachings and refuse to provide fellowship equally for all – they give single women the cold shoulder.
➡ –CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE: ALL OR MOST MARRIED CHRISTIAN WOMEN HATE SEX AND REFUSE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS–
At the same time we have this bizarre and incredibly demeaning stereotype by Christians about all single Christian women being floozies, there is another stereotype I see about married Christian women.
I have watched many sermons on Christian television over the years. I also have read Christian magazine articles and books, going back to my teen years.
In the past few years, I have read blogs and sites, including editorials or articles about “marriage, family and sexuality” on Christian sites. (And I’m talking about professional sites, by groups such as Probe Ministries, Focus on the Family, etc, not only little “Mom and Pop” blogs, like mine here.)
I have seen a pattern come up repeatedly since my youth and it continues in my adulthood, in Christian content:
many preachers, and Christian broadcast or published content, assume that married Christian women are frigid, they hate sex, are reluctant to have sex, and / or prefer emotional intimacy or non-sexual hobbies (such as knitting socks or potting house plants) to having sex with their spouses.
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