Brief Critique of the J. Daly editorial: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?

Brief Critique of the J. Daly ed: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?

In the midst of looking up Jim Daly’s contact information (so I could tweet him a link of my previous page), I found this linked to on his Twitter page (he wrote it):

(Link) Does Casual Sex Empower Women? by Daly

Here is the part that caught my attention:

    The cultural impact of casual sex

    Sadly, the cheapening of sex is having a long-term impact on marriage… which, in turn, negatively impacts parenting. It’s a tragic chain-reaction of events that work together to undermine the institution of family.

I know that Focus on the Family has a new family-centric film to promote ((Link): unfortunately), and I see the heading there says “cultural impact,” but Mr. Daly, the fact is, some women never marry and never have children, including Christian women.

The Bible does not say God promises all women a marriage partner not even the ones who pray for one and who want one.

If you see my previous post (link), you can see the stats on the number of singles in America.

Many women today are staying single these days, some against their wishes.

(That’s right, the typical conservative Christian canard that women are choosing to stay single because they hate marriage, hate men, or put career above marriage, or had tons of marriage proposals but turned them all down because they were too picky, are false).

There are plenty of Christian women such as myself (though I am half-agnostic now), who were raised in church and by Christian parents to expect, plan for, and count on marriage.

I had hoped for marriage. I still find myself single. I did not plan on being never-married into my 40s. I may never marry.

I am still a virgin. I have never had children.

The church does not support adult virginity – they ignore or shame adult celibate singles (a few links with examples of that can be found at the end of this post, and all over this blog if you search).

It makes no sense, and I see no biblical support, to suggest the only or main reason to argue against casual sex is on the basis of how it may “impact marriage and family.”

Continue reading “Brief Critique of the J. Daly editorial: Does Casual Sex Empower Women?”

Get Over It says Dr Ed Young on Christian show The Winning Walk – And People Who Maybe Do Need to Get Over It

Get Over It says Dr Ed Young on Christian show The Winning Walk – And People Who Maybe Do Need to Get Over It

I watched a few minutes of “The Winning Walk” television program hosted by preacher Ed Young Sr. today. He’s a preacher based out of Houston, Texas. I believe he is Southern Baptist.

For about two or three minutes, he lectured his audience on how if something bad happened to them (or even something good, because sometimes people allow success to go to their heads), he said “don’t let that get you down.”

He yelled several times over two minutes, “Get over it! Get over it!”

If you’ve seen my previous posts, you know how much this annoys me. Please see this post:

I could only withstand watching about two minutes of Young’s “get over it” rant and had to turn the channel.

I will add a caveat, here.

I have known a few people over my life who are consistently negative about everything, or about the same two or three topics, or, they allow one or two major hurtful life events from the past define them and their attitude now – even if they were victimized many years ago.

I have listened to them complain or cry about the same problems for many years (and these people are often reluctant to listen to my problems and give me love and encouragement).

I have been very tempted to tell them on occasions where they are once more bringing up the same problem from years ago to “just get over it” but so far have bitten my lip.

I’d say most people I have known, though, do try to get out of the pain, anger, and hurt and not “camp out” in it.

I think for those people, the ‘just get over it’ message is terribly heartless, and I wish preachers would stop barking it at their audiences.

Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex

(The post ahead may contain some rough or crass language. It contains adult material of a sexy nature.)

I have alluded to these particular stereotypes in posts I made over a year ago in several different posts, but I feel this topic deserves its own post.

I am in my early forties now, and still a virgin. For many years, I waited for marriage to have sex.

I was waiting for the Christian spouse Christian culture said God would send me (if I prayed, waited, had faith, etc, all of which I did. I also tried dating sites). That “Mr Right” never showed.

During all this time, and even before, when I was a teenager, I couldn’t help but notice in sermons I saw on television, in Christian books, magazines, advice columns, and pamphlets, and now, these days, on blogs or podcasts I’ve seen or listened to, that Christians have some peculiar stereotypes about female sexuality.

Not that Non-Christian culture does not have its weird views about women and sex too, but as this post focuses on Christian views, I’d like to stick to that.

One topic I’ve discussed plenty on this blog is the old trope that men are visual and women are not. That simply is not true. Many women are visually oriented too. But I’m not here to blog about that in this post since I’ve blogged on it before.

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE: SUPPOSEDLY ALL SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN HAVE HUGE, UNCONTROLLABLE SEX DRIVES AND SLEEP AROUND A LOT–

Another cliche’ I’ve seen from Christians is that single Christian women are hyper sexed harlots who bang ten different men every night, and above all, (the rest of this stereotype goes), the Christian single woman’s highest agenda is to have affairs with married men.

Never mind those cliches and stereotypes about single women are not true, Christians love to think they are, and they like to promote such thinking in books, blogs, radio shows and sermons about women, marriage, sex, and dating. (This is especially true of evangelical, Reformed, Baptist, and Fundamentalist Christians.)

Ergo, Christian single and married men are regularly coached in books, blogs, radio shows, pod casts, sermons, and other Christian media, and usually by male preachers, but also by insecure Christian wives, to stay the hell away from single Christian women.

I am a single woman (I was engaged once, years ago). I’ve never had sex. I don’t find most married men attractive. I would never have an affair with a married man, even if I did find one attractive. I can and do control my sex drive. But none of these facts matter to most Christians.

I am still regarded with suspicion by many Christians, just for being single. I am still deemed a Sexual Threat by Christian Culture for being single and female and nothing more.

I find this Christian stereotype of Christian single women being promiscuous sluts, or as being potential ones ready to detonate instantly with any and every man, extremely offensive.

Of course, married Christians and Christian dating advice books do not come right out and slap the label “promiscuous slut” on Christian single women when discussing Christian single women, but it’s assumed to be so.

After all, Christian men are told if they stay in a car with a single, Christian woman, or are alone with her any where (at a coffee shop, restaurant, office, house, etc), that it will always lead to sex, or probably will lead to sex.

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE and married christian man fantasy: SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN SUPPOSEDLY WANT TO BOINK EVEN UGLY, FAT, OLD MARRIED MEN–

It is assumed in a lot of Christian teaching on dating, the genders, and marriage, that all Christian men want casual sex and cannot control themselves, and that all single, Christian women have no standards or ability to resist such men, or that they are sexually aggressive and will intentionally prey on men, especially married ones.

SIDE NOTE

    (I don’t know why married Christians assume that married men – especially middle aged to older, who are usually balding, out of shape, with beer guts, are such irresistible cat nip to un-married, Christian women.

I have higher physical specimen standards than that, thank you.

No, I don’t want to have sex with your 370 pound, hair- on- his- back, balding- on- the- head husband.

It’s insulting that married Christian culture or unattractive married men themselves assume attractive, single woman want to bed unattractive, married men.)

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPES CAN LEAD TO LOSS OF FELLOWSHIP AND FRIENDS FOR SINGLE, ADULT WOMEN–

One thing the stereotype of “all single women are sluts or potential sluts who will sleep with your husband” does is discourage Christian married couples, or single men, from so much as forming platonic friendships with single women.

What happens? Single Christian women often end up very lonely and alone.

Nobody invites single women out for movies, or over for home cooked dinners, or over for the holidays.

Christians go against the Bible’s teachings and refuse to provide fellowship equally for all – they give single women the cold shoulder.

–CHRISTIAN STEREOTYPE: ALL OR MOST MARRIED CHRISTIAN WOMEN HATE SEX AND REFUSE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEIR HUSBANDS–

At the same time we have this bizarre and incredibly demeaning stereotype by Christians about all single Christian women being floozies, there is another stereotype I see about married Christian women.

I have watched many sermons on Christian television over the years. I also have read Christian magazine articles and books, going back to my teen years.

In the past few years, I have read blogs and sites, including editorials or articles about “marriage, family and sexuality” on Christian sites. (And I’m talking about professional sites, by groups such as Probe Ministries, Focus on the Family, etc, not only little “Mom and Pop” blogs, like mine here.)

I have seen a pattern come up repeatedly since my youth and it continues in my adulthood, in Christian content:

many preachers, and Christian broadcast or published content, assume that married Christian women are frigid, they hate sex, are reluctant to have sex, and / or prefer emotional intimacy or non-sexual hobbies (such as knitting socks or potting house plants) to having sex with their spouses.

Continue reading “Christian Stereotypes About Female Sexuality : All Unmarried Women Are Supposedly Hyper Sexed Harlots – But All Married Ones are Supposedly Frigid or Totally Uninterested in Sex”

Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

Why So Much Fornication Among Christians and Secular Society – Because Christians and Secularists Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

Take a look at this quote I placed in bold-face, in an article I pasted into my previous post (see comments by me below this excerpt):

(Link): Advice Needed: My Pastor’s Sex Talk is Too Much

I recently read a blog entry from a user that was concerned about the teachings of her pastor and if she and her husband should leave the church. My situation is very similar…only to the nth degree. Here are a few excerpts of things my pastor has said (and continues to say) in many of his sermons…and at any given time. (Note: sexual descriptions have been toned down by editors)

2. In the middle of sermons, he felt compelled to find out who in the church was fornicating. He proceeded to ask each and every unmarried member: “Are you screwing?”

At the very least, this gross, vulgar pastor at least phrased the question “Are you screwing” and not “WHO are you screwing,” but that he found it necessary to ask singles about this shows he, like many Christians, expect that most singles past the age of 25 are engaging in fornication.

Also, the pastor needs to ask his married members: “Who are you having sex with?,” because married people have affairs, hire sex workers, and look at dirty web sites. His question presumes only singles have sex outside of marriage, which is incorrect.

One reason singles are fornicating (having sex outside of marriage) is because they are expected to. Nobody in the church or in secular society expects that anyone can control his or her sexual behavior for more than two seconds.

There are Christians who are virgins into their 40s and older, ones who hoped to marry and who have NORMAL sexual drives, so quite obviously, it is a lie and distortion for pastors, Churches, and for Hollywood to keep insisting it’s abnormal, weird, strange, or too unrealistic to expect anyone past a certain age to refrain from sex.

Churches need to raise the bar higher. Stop assuming all your singles are fooling around.

Start talking as though you know they are not having sex outside of marriage, and watch as at least some segments of singledom… stop screwing around.

Singles are told constantly by preachers, churches, lay person Christians, Christian dating material, books, TV shows -and by secular society- that it’s inhumane, unfair, or impossible for them to refrain from sex longer than two seconds, so do not be surprised when singles shrug their shoulders and say, “Well okay then, even the preacher says I can’t be expected to abstain, so I’ll dive right into sex!”

One myth that feeds into the erroneous Christian view that singles (or marrieds) cannot live without sex for longer than two seconds is the misunderstanding about celibacy: it is not a “gift.” (Link): No where does the Scripture say that singleness or celibacy are “gifts.”

Not all singles choose to be single. Not all singles have been “called to singleness” or “gifted with singlehood” or “called to celibacy.”

Some singles like me had hoped to marry and have sex. I did not deliberately choose to be un-married this long.

God did not grant me any kind of special super power that removes all libido, sexual desire, nor was I granted with some supernatural disinterest in hot, hunky, muscular blue eyed dream-boats.

I’m an ordinary HETERO with normal desires for sex and married companionship. I don’t have some special gift, power, ability or “super power” or “calling” that empowers me to abstain. I don’t feel Christ giving me special grace to refrain from sex.

Celibacy is a matter of choice, self-control, and good old-fashioned self-discipline. If I, a normal mortal with a normal sex drive, can forgo sex this long, so can you.

If churches began showcasing virginity and celibacy as reasonable expectations, not as something only a few with Magical Super Powers can achieve, we might see more Christian singles avoiding sex outside of marriage.

That, and preachers need to shut up about sex from the pulpit, as in “Married sex is great!”

Singles don’t need to be exposed to the constant “married sex is awesome” sermons every other Sunday.

Preacher, would you go on and on every week about how great and yummy potato chips and chocolate cake are in front of your chubby friend who is dieting? No, you would not, because that would be rude.

So stop dangling sex in front of a room full of congregants who are single and trying not to have sex.

Some preachers are clueless idiots – they’re not “upholding” marriage with all the marriage sermons, they are un-necessarily torturing their single audience members.
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity (it’s actually quite the opposite: sexual purity is under attack by Christians these days)

(Link):  A Father Tries to Deny His Daughters Birth Control Coverage – I take this as another indication that conservatives do not truly believe in celibacy or sexual purity

(Link): Editorialist at WaPo Argues That Single Christian Adults Can Have Sex So Long As They are Chaste About It – Also Speculates that Jesus Was “Probably” Celibate

(Link):  Let’s Kiss Dating Hello – Ring By Spring Culture at Christian Campuses, by N. Sheets

(Link): Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Southern Baptist Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”

(Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Pat Robertson Expects Men to Commit Sexual Sin (and it’s not the first time)

(Link): More Anti Singleness Bias From Al Mohler – Despite the Bible Says It Is Better Not To Marry

(Link): Christians and Cheap Grace Concerning Sexual Sin

(Link): Sometimes Shame, Guilt, and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): (Link): When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed by Christians As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Christians Using Fornicators as Examples or Role Models of Sexual Purity Rather Than Using Christian Celibates and Adult Virgins: Odd

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy” or (also false): God’s gifting of singleness is rare – More Accurate: God calls only a few to marriage and God gifts only the rare with the gift of Marriage

Pastor on TV: ‘Churches don’t talk about sex enough’ -is he kidding?

I saw about 15 minutes of Ed Young Sr’s show today. He’s a pastor in a church in Houston, Texas, and not to be confused with Ed Young Jr.

Young Sr’s sermon was about sex, and he opened it by saying (paraphrasing):

“SEX! I always wanted to open a sermon by yelling that word! … Christians today don’t want to talk about sex. Churches don’t talk about sex enough.”

What planet has he been living on lately?

(Please click the “more” link to read the rest of this post)
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