views and thoughts on topics, especially ones pertaining to christianity – with an emphasis on how most christians either ignore or discriminate against unmarried christians – and how christians have turned marriage and parenting into IDOLS and how there is no true support for sexual purity, virginity, or celibacy among christians – this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don't debate dissenters ————-
Abstinence and ‘Purity Culture’ Are Often Conflated but Aren’t The Same, Tim Keller Explains
I’m not totally in agreement on Keller (Link) on everything, but he is correct that too many believers (Link): falsely conflate the concepts of being sexually abstinent outside of marriage with the faults in purity culture and unfortunately ditch the concept altogether.
What’s often referred to as “purity culture” is not the same thing as remaining sexually abstinent outside of marriage, though many conflate the two, according to Tim Keller, founder and former pastor of Redeemer Church in New York City.
Keller explained in a Facebook post that in the early church, the Christian sexual ethic — that “sex was only for within a mutual, whole-self-giving, super-consensual life-long covenant” — was “revolutionary,” given the prevailing Greco-Roman ethic of the day.
I did, however, scan an article or two about that video where it is discussed and Keller is interviewed. I can only agree with one or two ideas he puts forth, but the line that “it’s worth it because the sex is magical” is rather ludicrous.
From The Christian Post, entitled: Timothy Keller Waxes Poetic About the ‘Magic’ and Pleasures of Sex in Marriage
BY NICOLA MENZIE , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
November 27, 2013|2:55 pm
NYC megachurch pastor and influential author Timothy Keller was recently asked “why sex outside of marriage is so destructive” and in his response spoke personally about the intimacy he has enjoyed with his wife over the years.
“Sex inside of a committed marriage is magic,” said Keller. “It’s like blowing on the coals of this incredible beautiful and powerful flame. Sex outside of marriage is just a way of not giving yourself, but of receiving fulfillment and pleasure.”
… “Sex inside marriage, where you’re not so much taking as giving…I can just say personally, after years and years of doing this with my wife, one woman, it becomes sweeter and more pleasurable and more powerful and more transforming as the years go by, even when actually neither of you look as good as you did before,” he said.
… The New York City pastor has also talked extensively on the subject of sex, including on whether there is a commandment in the Bible against premarital sex.
Plenty of Christian and Non Christian fornicators will also claim that pre-marital sex is “magical,” “beautiful” and so forth.
Saying married sex is “beautiful” is just a twist on the Christian sex propaganda that staying a virgin until marriage will lead to “mind blowing” sex, which is a total lie. Plenty of people who are virgins until marriage have lousy, mediocre, or non existent sex lives. See other links on this blog for examples.
One of the few portions I agree with is as follows (and mirrors one point I am always going on about):
The modern sexual revolution find the idea of abstinence till marriage to be so unrealistic as to be ludicrous. In fact, many people believe it is psychologically unhealthy and harmful. Yet despite the contemporary incredulity, this has been the unquestioned uniform teaching of not only one but all of the Christian churches—Orthodox, Catholic, and Protestant.
The following link. Notice articles and debates about this topic do not even mention older Chrisitan virgins (people over age 30 who are still virgins) – the focus remains on teens and 20 somethings, as though we 30 year old and 40 year old, and older, virgins face no sexual struggles at all:
She [Rachel Held Evans, emergent Christian blogger] took offense to what Keller said and wrote the following:
I’m often asked to speak on the topic of why young people leave the church. This. This is why young people leave the church. Because our questions aren’t taken seriously, because our value tends to be linked inextricably to our virginity, because our ideas are dismissed as silly.
I want to address one piece of what Rachel had to say. “[O]ur value tends to be linked inextricably to our virginity . . .”
To argue that the church has made something of a fetish out of virginity for young people is to essentially argue against the lordship of Christ and against the value of sexual purity.
When you are in high school and college, sex is the prime locus of the fight for sanctification. It is the battle that is appropriate to the age.
You are on the edge of marriage during those years.
In the Christian understanding, sex is a marital act.
It is fitting that you and your spouse should have it in common only with each other. To remain a virgin prior to marriage is to align oneself consciously with God and the church in viewing ourselves as uniquely and wonderfully human (in the image of God).
—(end article excerpt)—
Regarding this comment by the author:
You are on the edge of marriage during those years.
No, you’re not.
Age of first marriage in the USA has shot up from early or mid 20s to late 20s.
Some Christians don’t marry ’til they are age 40ish, if at all.
The rest of the page I pretty much agree with, if considering things from a biblical view.
Although I totally reject gender complementarianism, as does RHE (Rachel Held Evans).
Someone in the comment section at that touchstonemag.com blog was complaining that RHE “mocks” complementarianism, as well she should, because it’s not biblical, and complementarianism is nothing but Christian-sponsored sexism under a religious coating.
I found this comment interesting and very true for older Christian virgins:
Michael Bauman says:
APRIL 16, 2013 AT 4:59 PM
What I see from my own son, committed to a life of chastity and purity is his continuing frustration at being given no tools to fight the good fight: the frequent animus he faces from non-Christians of his peer group (and even some Christians).
He just wants to find a job and live a simple productive life and yet being Christian interfers with that goal. He dosen’t feel as if he fits anywhere.
That commentator is absolutely right on: the person who is trying to remain chaste gets NO SUPPORT from secular or Christian culture, but will actually face persecution and criticism for remaining a virgin, even by other Christians.
——————– Related posts this blog: