“Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles

“Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles

I don’t agree with all of this person’s red flags, but some of them may be worthwhile to keep in mind.

 (Link): “Immediately no”: Mental health expert shares red flags on dating profiles

Excerpts:

by C. Ferris
June 2, 2022

In a now-viral TikTok video, a mental health expert discussed what would cause her to not match with someone on a dating app.

Karli Kucko, LPC-A shares content about mental health on her TikTok and Instagram accounts @karli.k.counseling. She recently posted a video on her TikTok where it garnered more than 100,000 views. The video, which discussed seeing people making demands on their profile, was the first of several that touched on behaviors that would cause her to “swipe left.”

Viewers found these points helpful, and many shared what they considered to be red flags when they peruse dating apps themselves.

Good Morning America outlined a few tips for a strong dating profile, which include users posting good quality photos, writing “just enough” about themselves and being up-front with their intentions.

Matthew Hussey, a New York Times bestselling author and dating expert, told the outlet that there is a way to be open and honest while remaining positive.

“If you’re going to say you want something serious, frame it in a positive way rather than a negative one,” he said. “You don’t want to come across as bitter or jaded.”

In Kucko’s first video, she said something that would make her “swipe left” is seeing someone making demands on their profile. She noted that statements like “have to have, can’t do, must do,” were some examples of phrases that led to her not matching with someone.

Continue reading ““Immediately No”: Mental Health Expert Shares Red Flags on Dating Profiles”

“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist” by Dr. Robert Weiss

“Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist”

 (Link): “Three rules to avoid cheating and betrayal, from my work as a sexologist”

August 16, 2020

by Dr. Robert Weiss
[who says he is a “licensed California therapist specializing in sex and intimacy”]

…As a sexologist, it is not my job to tell a couple that they must be monogamous. That is their choice to make. Or not. If they choose monogamy, my job is to help them negotiate their relationship boundaries and to help them find resolution if/when those boundaries are broken….

Having worked nearly half my life with families damaged by infidelity, I want to share three simple rules to help couples successfully negotiate monogamy, to avoid the pain associated when one partner cheats and to assist those struggling to overcome sexual betrayal.

1. Accept that cheating occurs when one spouse deliberately lies about or keeps meaningful secrets from the other. …

…Using my definition, cheating is less about specific sexual behaviors and more about lies and secrets used to cover up those behaviors.

And, as just about every betrayed partner I’ve ever worked with has told me, “It’s not the sex that causes the most pain. It’s that I no longer know who my partner is or trust anything that he/she says. How can we have an intimate connection when there’s no trust?”

Continue reading ““Three Rules to Avoid Cheating and Betrayal, From My Work as a Sexologist” by Dr. Robert Weiss”

Men Who Pose Shirtless on Dating Apps are Unappealing and Slutty: Study


Men Who Pose Shirtless on Dating Apps are Unappealing and Slutty: Study

I appreciate that we’re living in an era where men are starting to be called or thought of as “slutty.” 😂  For years being a “whore” or a “slut” were terms reserved for women only.

The cultural assumption was that it was okay for men to sleep around as much as they want to, and they were considered studly, but if a woman slept around – not even that much – she would get branded as “slutty” or “loose.”

(Link):  Want to impress on your Tinder profile? Keep your top ON! Men who pose topless are seen as less competent and more promiscuous, study reveals

May 24, 2022

While dating apps were once seen as taboo, they’re now one of the main ways that singletons find love around the world.

But if you have a profile on a dating app, a new study may encourage you to reassess which pictures you include.

Researchers from the University of Colorado have revealed that men who pose topless on Tinder are seen as less competent and more promiscuous.

Continue reading “Men Who Pose Shirtless on Dating Apps are Unappealing and Slutty: Study”

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’

I’m not even half way done with this video yet (linked to and embedded below in this post), but this lady in the video is giving some great insights and advice. (I’ve just finished listening to the entire video, and it is worth the entire watch.)

The lady in the video mentions she didn’t get married until around (or a bit after?) age 40.

The divorce attorney (who later became a judge, if I understand correctly) said up until that point, she did get a lot of questions from people asking her why she wasn’t married yet.

(I also had to put up with that, or with other nasty assumptions, from others, when I was still single into my 30s. I was raised in a conservative Christian church, and a lot of Christians wrongly assume if you’re a woman who has not married by the age of 30 or 35, it’s because you are a man-hating feminist or that that you were too “career focused.” It’s a very victim-blaming, sexist world view.)

Some of the points this lady, Faith Jenkins, addressed in the video includes but is not limited to (these are also points I’ve learned along the way with life experience, and just mulling things over):

  • You have to know who you are and figure out who you are before you get married.
  • It’s far more healthy to learn to be single before you get married.
  • Don’t wait to get married to start living and enjoying your life – she says, “being single is not a rest stop. [At the time I was single I concluded that] it’s time for me to really live.”
  • Don’t look to someone outside of yourself to make you happy.

(Note from me, the blog owner: this is a big one.
If you go through life making your sense of self worth, happiness, or opinion about yourself contingent upon external circumstances or on how others treat you, you will never, ever achieve stable, consistent, or lasting healthy self esteem or happiness
– and along the way, if you keep making your self worth contingent on how others treat you or their opinions of you, you will tend to attract selfish people, abusers, and very emotionally needy people who will want all your time and attention, leaving you drained
– I’ve learned the hard way that many of the people who will want to use you as a sounding board, a “rock” they lean on, will not return that courtesy to you – they won’t allow you to talk to them about your problems)

  • She says you should know who you are before you marry – I think this is also a good idea prior to dating.

If you know who you are prior to dating or marriage (you know your identity and your likes, your dislikes, and your values), you won’t change to please someone else (a lot of abusive or controlling people will either badger you, pressure you, threaten, or demand that you make changes to yourself or your life to please them), and it makes it easier to weed out incompatible or potentially abusive partners.

  • She discourages you from trying to clean up, fix, rescue another person, what she refers to as “rebuilding” another person.

I agree with her on that – you ultimately cannot change another person, and you will only exhaust yourself trying. I think a lot of women who do this are people pleasers or codependents, and it’s a huge waste of time.

Continue reading “Divorce Attorney Reveals SHOCKING Reasons That DESTROY Relationships And Cause Bad BREAKUPS – via ‘Women of Impact’”

Secular Sex Ed Failures, Secular Sexual and Biological Ignorance

Secular Sex Ed Failures, Secular Sexual and Biological Ignorance

Are you counting on secular sources to educate you properly on sex, biology, anatomy, or puberty? Are you counting on secular sources to even address a possible (negative) psychological and emotional consequence of having sex when you’re not truly ready, or don’t want to do it, but feel shamed or guilted by a date or culture, into having sex? Ha ha, well, good luck with that!

Not only do some Non-Christians hold false or weird ideas about sex themselves, but some Non-Christians like to portray all or most Christians as having false, shaming, or weird ideas about sex.

As someone who has followed a lot of Non-Christian, feminist social media accounts or who has dropped by their magazine sites to read their articles about sex, men, and sexism in the last several years, one recurrent theme that shows up is how ignorant teen boys and men in their 20s (and sometimes older men) are about sex.

I should maybe do a post about that later.

But the fact is, a lot of Non-Christian men, who are being raised in secular culture, some of whom have who even been exposed to secular sex education teachings in public school, have NO IDEA how a woman’s body works.

A lot of these Non-Christian men hold all sorts of false, bonkers ideas of how  menstrual periods work, or how a woman can get pregnant, for example, which shocks the secular, feminist women writers.

There are secular, liberal feminists who mock this secular, male ignorance all the time on their sites.

You can probably google to find examples of it. Maybe I will make a post about it later. I’ve seen a lot of it over the years.

Sexual Abstinence is, in fact, one way to totally avoid contracting STIs, sorry to inform the critics of Christian sexual ethics, or the high school kids in some of the quotes below on the BuzzFeed site, who lament that their sex ed teachings advised them (accurately!) that sexual abstinence is the safest bet.

There is no form of artificial birth control that is 100% effective. Condoms are cited as being 98% effective, but what if you’re in on that two percent failure rate?

Some forms of sexual acts, such as anal sex (which (Link): some secular teen magazines have been promoting in the last few years), are more liable to cause or spread disease and create physical issues.
See, for example, this SECULAR (Non-Christian) page about anal sex at WebMD, which confirms that:

(Link):  Anal Sex Safety: What to Know

Excerpt:

The lining of the anus is thinner than the vagina, and it lacks natural lubrication. That makes it much more vulnerable to tearing. Tears can allow viruses and bacteria to enter the bloodstream. This can include sexually transmitted infections, such as HIV.

Studies have suggested that anal exposure to HIV poses 30 times more risk for the receptive partner than vaginal exposure.

Anal intercourse can also boost the risk of getting the human papillomavirus (HPV).

HPV may also lead to the development of anal warts and anal cancer. Using lubricants can help, but it doesn’t completely prevent tearing.

The tissue inside the anus is not as well-protected as the skin outside the anus. Our external tissue has layers of dead cells that serve as a protective barrier against infection. The tissue inside the anus doesn’t have this natural protection, which leaves it vulnerable to tearing and the spread of infection.

The anus was designed to hold in feces. The anus is surrounded with a ring-like muscle, called the anal sphincter, which tightens after we have a bowel movement. When the muscle is tight, anal penetration can be painful and difficult.

Repetitive anal sex may weaken the anal sphincter, making it difficult to hold in feces until you can get to the toilet. Kegel exercises to strengthen the sphincter may help prevent this problem or correct it.

The anus is full of bacteria. Bacteria normally in the anus can potentially infect the giving partner. Having vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections.
— end excerpts —

I don’t think all the samples on the pages below are all Christian –
(I am not going to copy the entire pages; if you’d like to see all the examples, please use the links below to visit the pages to view them all if you want to):

(Link): One Man Believes Women With Large Boobs Scientifically Can’t Be Smart And 49 Other Jaw-dropping Misconceptions Men Actually Believe About Women (some of the examples on the page involve inaccurate ideas men have about female anatomy, biology, etc)

(Link):  34 Things Some Men Believe About The Female Body That Concern Me

I think it’s time for us to have an adult sex-ed class because WHEW, child.

…5. “I’m a female student who’s taking sex ed now.
The funniest thing to me is how often they refer to penises and male anatomy, but rarely discuss vaginas and female anatomy. It’s kinda disgusting how little the guys have to learn about vaginas and periods, yet, I know pretty much everything about males now.”

(Link):  People Are Sharing What’s Being Taught Today In Sex Ed And It Proves We Still Have A Long Way To Go

(Link):  “My Sex Ed Teacher Told Me Women Cannot Orgasm”: People Are Sharing The Biggest Sex Ed Failures They’ve Ever Witnessed

Excerpts:

“My male sex education teacher told our entire classroom that period cramps do not exist and that he would not accept them as an excuse to get out of gym class.”

January 8, 2022
by Maya Ogolini – BuzzFeed Staff

Let’s face it: Sex can sometimes be an uncomfortable conversation topic when you’re young. Whether your school had a teacher attempt to explain things in health class or your parents sat you down for a “birds and the bees” talk, chances are you spent a majority of the time learning about sex wishing that you were anywhere else.

But sometimes trying your best to avoid an awkward situation can actually result in a much more awkward, embarrassing situation.

Recently, Reddit user u/wilson-volleyball77 asked,

“What is one sex education fail you’ve heard/experienced?”

Here are some of the best:

1. “If you use a tampon before sex, then you’re no longer a virgin. The number of people that believe this is unbelievable.”
—u/Typical-Cantaloupe48

“When I was a freshman in high school, my dad heard me tell my mom that I needed tampons from the store, and he freaked out. He thought that you had to have sex first before being able to use them. I was only 14, and I understood all that a lot better than him.
—u/sunflowerssunshine_

…6. “A guy once told me he thought periods lasted a whole month.”
—u/AstroLozza

7. “I was asked this question, ‘How will you be able to pee when you have your hysterectomy?’
—u/purely_logic

“I had to tell my first girlfriend she didn’t pee out of her vagina. She didn’t know she had a urethra.”
—u/Sebastian83100

Continue reading “Secular Sex Ed Failures, Secular Sexual and Biological Ignorance”

New York Times: Respect Your Daughter’s Choice To Be A Married Man’s Mistress by T. Justice

New York Times: Respect Your Daughter’s Choice To Be A Married Man’s Mistress by T. Justice

(Link): New York Times: Respect Your Daughter’s Choice To Be A Married Man’s Mistress

January 18, 2022

Poetic Justice is an advice column that offers counter-advice to submissions at other publications whose contributors have failed the reader.

The New York Times last week admonished a woman who was uncomfortable about the prospect of allowing her daughter in a relationship with a married man to bring him on a Greek vacation.

[The letter reads]…

My 30-year-old daughter is in a polyamorous relationship with a married man.

Continue reading “New York Times: Respect Your Daughter’s Choice To Be A Married Man’s Mistress by T. Justice”

Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior by Sophie Deutsch

Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior By Sophie Deutsch

Notice what the article excerpts below say about emotions being contagious.

If you’re around someone who is more or less negative on a regular basis, regardless of the reasons why they are negative, that can rub off on you and harm you or negatively impact you.

Someone else’s negativity being able to rub off on you can be even worse if you suffer from depression, or, like me, you’re largely over clinical depression but can still, at times, be susceptible to falling into depressive funks that last hours, if you’re around one of these chronically unhappy, sour people (who may have clinical depression themselves, or they may just have a pessimistic personality type).

If you don’t want to end up in a bad mood yourself, if you don’t want your old depressive disorder (or anxiety) triggered, please start avoiding or limiting your time around these negative types of people.

I myself WASTED too many years of my life thinking (thanks to the type of parenting I got growing up, and the Christian faith I was raised in) that it was my duty and job to fix these hurting, negative people who were always yammering my ear off about their physical health problems, financial problems, job or martial problems, or whatever problems.

Consequently, all that listening to their complaining, me absorbing their negativity and, in some cases, me also trying to take on and fix their problems for them, could make my depression worse (when I had severe depression), or just ruin my day and leave me feeling worn out and bummed out the rest of the day.

I’ve also noticed that many of these articles that talk about emotional vampires, chronic complainers, unhappy people, clinically depressed persons (especially the ones with victim syndrome), and other types of negative and/or wounded adults…
Also mention that relief and healing for these people can only become possible whenever these people start taking responsibility for themselves, when they start making changes or modifications in their actions, life styles and/or their thinking processes (attitude). The article below is no exception.

(Link): Sick of the chronic complainer? Here’s how to fix their behaviour
By Sophie Deutsch

Excerpts:

What’s with all the whining?

Complaining is an expression of internal discomfort.

“It’s the externalisation of a feeling,” says psychologist Dr Amy Silver, who runs workshops with organisations on managing emotions for high performance. “It’s pushing something away that is internal and then voicing it in such a way to make it somebody else’s problem.

It’s typically employed as a psychological strategy to avoid confronting difficult feelings and experiences.

“By externalising or pushing the attention somewhere else it means the chronic complainer doesn’t need to recognise that they don’t feel positive, or that they don’t have the skills or energy to fix the problem themselves, or that they don’t feel they have the control over their own life to make choices.

Being stuck in a chronic state of complaining is also highly stressful, which can have a damaging impact on the brain.

What is a chronic complainer doing to our brains?

Unrelenting whining doesn’t just affect the complainer; it’s also drawing others into an orbit of pessimism.

Continue reading “Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior by Sophie Deutsch”

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

On today’s “The 700 Club,” host Pat Robertson got a question from a guy who says he’s 56 year old and tired of being alone. (The guy is single and would like a girlfriend, or to marry.)

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – single adults of America (but especially women!) please (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice.

I’ve watched his “700 Club” show for many years, and Robertson always gives the same 3 to 4 answers to single adults who write him asking him why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, or how do they get a spouse?

And Pat Robertson always tells lovelorn single adults to “go fishing where the fish are,” (i.e, visit locales where you are sure to find single adults), and, he will tell you that “God puts the lonely in families,” which is a load of sh*t – no, God does not always put single adults who may be lonely “into families.”

For women who write in, especially if they are age 40 or older and single and want a spouse, Pat will insultingly tell them that they “sound desperate.” (Seriously; he has done this in the past, see the links below under “Related Posts” for links to examples of this atrocious behavior.)

(I’ve noticed that Robertson never tells the older single MEN who write in saying they are lonely and want a spouse that the MEN “sound desperate.” Robertson only tosses that sexist, insulting comment at single WOMEN.)

Pat Robertson also wrongly believes (and many Christians are like this as well, not just him), that (Link): if you want a spouse and pray for one, that God will of course send you one – which also a bunch of garbage.

So, here is what Eugene wrote in to Pat:

What do I have to do to find that special woman in my life? I’m tired of living alone in life. It’s been 56 years. Please help me, Pat. I read the Bible, but it never seems to help. I love all you guys and enjoy your show.

[Signed] Eugene

You can view / listen to Eugene’s question in this video on You Tube, and it’s around 44.25 into the video.

You can also listen to Pat Robertson’s unhelpful advice in that video to Eugene.

But… Eugene… should you read this, I have this to say to you:

Continue reading “Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single”

The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

Update below, July 2021. (Links to the Julie Roys July 2021 part 1 and 2 Mark Driscoll related podcasts below)


I recently became aware of this new site: (Link): “Dear Driscoll.”

Currently, at the top of that web page, is this remark, to give you some background on that site’s purpose:

This site was formed out of the need to centralize articles, videospodcasts, and other items regarding recent events at The Trinity Church in Scottsdale, AZ and historical events from Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA.

…-The Dear Driscoll Team
—- end —

Currently on the main page of the site is a lengthy letter by a guy named Chad Freese who used to work at Driscoll’s church in Arizona.

Freese says he and his wife attended Driscoll’s church for awhile, and for a few weeks, Freese was even employed as the church’s director of security.

I’ve not even read through one fourth of the guy’s letter yet (I’ve only read the first few sections), and I already have some observations and concerns.

Continue reading “The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!”

Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

(Link): Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

Excerpts:

by Jonas Grinevičius and Austėja Akavickaitė

…A redditor shared how their parents were planning to use their wedding as a way to make bank.

See, they were planning to force their child to invite all of their distant relations and acquaintances so that everybody brings money as a gift.

That, in their parents’ opinion, is their way of getting back all the cash that they gave out at other people’s weddings, graduation parties, and other important events.

Naturally, the redditor confronted their parents when they realized that they have zero control over their own wedding.

Continue reading “Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues”

The Mark Gungor and Sheila Gregoire Dust Up, vis a vis SSB Blog – I’ve blogged about Gungor for Years

The Mark Gungor and Sheila Gregoire Dust Up, vis a vis SSB Blog – I’ve blogged about Gungor for Years

Back when I was still on Twitter, I had to un-Follow Gregorie, because she sometimes “likes” anti-Republican type comments, which I got tired of seeing after months – her anti-conservative etc tweets that she “liked” would appear in my feed. I got tired of seeing them (I’m a conservative). 

I’ve blogged about Gungor before, going back years, on this blog. Here are some of my posts about the guy:

(Link): Kind of Bad Analogy by Christian Marriage Guru Mark Gungor

(Link): The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?

(Link): Mark Gungor on Sexuality and Singles on Jan. 2013 TBN Guest Appearance

Gungor, as I’ve noted before on older posts at this blog (going back years) is a Christian marital advice person. He used to host marriage advice television shows on Christian network TBN.

And most of what I saw of his work had Gungor trading in secular, sexist stereotypes about women, and also promoting gendered stereotypes about men.

Continue reading “The Mark Gungor and Sheila Gregoire Dust Up, vis a vis SSB Blog – I’ve blogged about Gungor for Years”