Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior by Sophie Deutsch

Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior By Sophie Deutsch

Notice what the article excerpts below say about emotions being contagious.

If you’re around someone who is more or less negative on a regular basis, regardless of the reasons why they are negative, that can rub off on you and harm you or negatively impact you.

Someone else’s negativity being able to rub off on you can be even worse if you suffer from depression, or, like me, you’re largely over clinical depression but can still, at times, be susceptible to falling into depressive funks that last hours, if you’re around one of these chronically unhappy, sour people (who may have clinical depression themselves, or they may just have a pessimistic personality type).

If you don’t want to end up in a bad mood yourself, if you don’t want your old depressive disorder (or anxiety) triggered, please start avoiding or limiting your time around these negative types of people.

I myself WASTED too many years of my life thinking (thanks to the type of parenting I got growing up, and the Christian faith I was raised in) that it was my duty and job to fix these hurting, negative people who were always yammering my ear off about their physical health problems, financial problems, job or martial problems, or whatever problems.

Consequently, all that listening to their complaining, me absorbing their negativity and, in some cases, me also trying to take on and fix their problems for them, could make my depression worse (when I had severe depression), or just ruin my day and leave me feeling worn out and bummed out the rest of the day.

I’ve also noticed that many of these articles that talk about emotional vampires, chronic complainers, unhappy people, clinically depressed persons (especially the ones with victim syndrome), and other types of negative and/or wounded adults…
Also mention that relief and healing for these people can only become possible whenever these people start taking responsibility for themselves, when they start making changes or modifications in their actions, life styles and/or their thinking processes (attitude). The article below is no exception.

(Link): Sick of the chronic complainer? Here’s how to fix their behaviour
By Sophie Deutsch

Excerpts:

What’s with all the whining?

Complaining is an expression of internal discomfort.

“It’s the externalisation of a feeling,” says psychologist Dr Amy Silver, who runs workshops with organisations on managing emotions for high performance. “It’s pushing something away that is internal and then voicing it in such a way to make it somebody else’s problem.

It’s typically employed as a psychological strategy to avoid confronting difficult feelings and experiences.

“By externalising or pushing the attention somewhere else it means the chronic complainer doesn’t need to recognise that they don’t feel positive, or that they don’t have the skills or energy to fix the problem themselves, or that they don’t feel they have the control over their own life to make choices.

Being stuck in a chronic state of complaining is also highly stressful, which can have a damaging impact on the brain.

What is a chronic complainer doing to our brains?

Unrelenting whining doesn’t just affect the complainer; it’s also drawing others into an orbit of pessimism.

Continue reading “Sick of the Chronic Complainer? Here’s How to Fix Their Behavior by Sophie Deutsch”

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single

On today’s “The 700 Club,” host Pat Robertson got a question from a guy who says he’s 56 year old and tired of being alone. (The guy is single and would like a girlfriend, or to marry.)

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – single adults of America (but especially women!) please (Link): stop asking Pat Robertson for relationship advice.

I’ve watched his “700 Club” show for many years, and Robertson always gives the same 3 to 4 answers to single adults who write him asking him why hasn’t God sent them a spouse, or how do they get a spouse?

And Pat Robertson always tells lovelorn single adults to “go fishing where the fish are,” (i.e, visit locales where you are sure to find single adults), and, he will tell you that “God puts the lonely in families,” which is a load of sh*t – no, God does not always put single adults who may be lonely “into families.”

For women who write in, especially if they are age 40 or older and single and want a spouse, Pat will insultingly tell them that they “sound desperate.” (Seriously; he has done this in the past, see the links below under “Related Posts” for links to examples of this atrocious behavior.)

(I’ve noticed that Robertson never tells the older single MEN who write in saying they are lonely and want a spouse that the MEN “sound desperate.” Robertson only tosses that sexist, insulting comment at single WOMEN.)

Pat Robertson also wrongly believes (and many Christians are like this as well, not just him), that (Link): if you want a spouse and pray for one, that God will of course send you one – which also a bunch of garbage.

So, here is what Eugene wrote in to Pat:

What do I have to do to find that special woman in my life? I’m tired of living alone in life. It’s been 56 years. Please help me, Pat. I read the Bible, but it never seems to help. I love all you guys and enjoy your show.

[Signed] Eugene

You can view / listen to Eugene’s question in this video on You Tube, and it’s around 44.25 into the video.

You can also listen to Pat Robertson’s unhelpful advice in that video to Eugene.

But… Eugene… should you read this, I have this to say to you:

Continue reading “Eugene, the 56 Year Old Man, Tells Christian Show Host He’s Tired of Being Single”

The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!

Update below, July 2021. (Links to the Julie Roys July 2021 part 1 and 2 Mark Driscoll related podcasts below)


I recently became aware of this new site: (Link): “Dear Driscoll.”

Currently, at the top of that web page, is this remark, to give you some background on that site’s purpose:

This site was formed out of the need to centralize articles, videospodcasts, and other items regarding recent events at The Trinity Church in Scottsdale, AZ and historical events from Mars Hill Church in Seattle, WA.

…-The Dear Driscoll Team
—- end —

Currently on the main page of the site is a lengthy letter by a guy named Chad Freese who used to work at Driscoll’s church in Arizona.

Freese says he and his wife attended Driscoll’s church for awhile, and for a few weeks, Freese was even employed as the church’s director of security.

I’ve not even read through one fourth of the guy’s letter yet (I’ve only read the first few sections), and I already have some observations and concerns.

Continue reading “The Dear Driscoll Site – Re: Mark Driscoll – Christians: Stop Supporting Driscoll, any church Driscoll runs, and Stop Supporting Guys Like Him!”

Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

(Link): Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues

Excerpts:

by Jonas Grinevičius and Austėja Akavickaitė

…A redditor shared how their parents were planning to use their wedding as a way to make bank.

See, they were planning to force their child to invite all of their distant relations and acquaintances so that everybody brings money as a gift.

That, in their parents’ opinion, is their way of getting back all the cash that they gave out at other people’s weddings, graduation parties, and other important events.

Naturally, the redditor confronted their parents when they realized that they have zero control over their own wedding.

Continue reading “Parents Want To “Collect” Off Of Their Child’s Wedding – She Says No And Family Drama Ensues”

The Mark Gungor and Sheila Gregoire Dust Up, vis a vis SSB Blog – I’ve blogged about Gungor for Years

The Mark Gungor and Sheila Gregoire Dust Up, vis a vis SSB Blog – I’ve blogged about Gungor for Years

Back when I was still on Twitter, I had to un-Follow Gregorie, because she sometimes “likes” anti-Republican type comments, which I got tired of seeing after months – her anti-conservative etc tweets that she “liked” would appear in my feed. I got tired of seeing them (I’m a conservative). 

I’ve blogged about Gungor before, going back years, on this blog. Here are some of my posts about the guy:

(Link): Kind of Bad Analogy by Christian Marriage Guru Mark Gungor

(Link): The Right One – Do Unmarried Christians Only Need Jesus in Common to Marry ?

(Link): Mark Gungor on Sexuality and Singles on Jan. 2013 TBN Guest Appearance

Gungor, as I’ve noted before on older posts at this blog (going back years) is a Christian marital advice person. He used to host marriage advice television shows on Christian network TBN.

And most of what I saw of his work had Gungor trading in secular, sexist stereotypes about women, and also promoting gendered stereotypes about men.

Continue reading “The Mark Gungor and Sheila Gregoire Dust Up, vis a vis SSB Blog – I’ve blogged about Gungor for Years”

Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up

Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up

A week or two ago, movie actress Emma Watson declared herself “self partnered,” rather than use the word “single” to describe her relationship status.

Watson got some amount of confusion or ridicule for using that term. As a never-married woman, I found the term a little strange, but hey, if it works for her, fine by me.

I was engaged for several years, from my late 20s into my early 30s. My ex fiance was a self absorbed idiot. I am better off single than in a relationship with a loser like that. 

Anyway, there have been a few editorials defending Watson on this point, such as this one:

(Link): Emma Watson looked shame in the face and won

Excerpts

…”I never believed the whole ‘I’m happy single’ spiel,” she told Vogue in an interview published this week. “It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”

Now anyone might be forgiven for being blindsided by the “consciously uncoupled”-esque vibe of that remark at first glance. Indeed, many outright jeered. “Self-partnering means you can’t get a bloke, right?” suggested British TV host and, we can only assume, self-appointed relationship expert Piers Morgan.

“What’s wrong with being single?” Twitter users demanded.

But isn’t that kind of the point? If society was kinder to single women, and our associations with the word “single” were generally more positive, there wouldn’t be any need for Watson to coin the phrase.

Continue reading “Emma Watson on Being “Self Partnered” (Single) – The Editorial Round Up”

There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship by K. Sackville

There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship by K. Sackville

(Link): There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship

Excerpts:

We’ve all experienced unrequited friendship in some form, from reaching out to someone who doesn’t reciprocate our interest, to fending off an approach from an acquaintance we don’t particularly like.

Unrequited friendship can be extremely awkward, and surprisingly painful when you’re the one being rejected.

I’ve been unrequited, and it’s demoralising and confusing.

Continue reading “There Are Ways to Deal With the Sting of Unrequited Friendship by K. Sackville”

Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.

Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.

When your boyfriend won’t help do housework, you dump him.

But let’s see what Prudie has to say.

(Link): Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.

By DANIEL MALLORY ORTBERG

Q. The second shift in 2019? When I’m 23? My boyfriend and I live together and we’re incredibly happy.

We’re in our early 20s and live in New York with two full-time jobs and side hustles. We’re both equally ambitious and serious about our future, both professionally and as a couple.

I typically beat him home from work, and while I admit I tend to be the neater roommate and more inclined in the kitchen, we have fallen in the habit of me taking over the cleaning and cooking.

My boyfriend vocalizes that he’s appreciative of everything I do but groans and drags his feet when I ask him to help out too.

Continue reading “Dear Prudie: Help! My Boyfriend Refuses to Do Any Housework.”

Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson

Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson

(Link): Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Mason

Excerpts.

….So, that’s what I did. I sent out the call the week before my wedding: anyone who has been married for 10+ years and is still happy in their relationship, what lessons would you pass down to others if you could? What is working for you and your partner? And if you’re divorced, what didn’t work previously?

The response was overwhelming. Almost 1,500 people replied, many of whom sent in responses measured in pages, not paragraphs.

It took almost two weeks to comb through them all, but I did. And what I found stunned me…

They were incredibly repetitive.

1. Be together for the right reasons
Don’t ever be with someone because someone else pressured you to. I got married the first time because I was raised Catholic and that’s what you were supposed to do. Wrong.

I got married the second time because I was miserable and lonely and thought having a loving wife would fix everything for me. Also wrong.

Took me three tries to figure out what should have been obvious from the beginning, the only reason you should ever be with the person you’re with is because you simply love being around them. It really is that simple.
– Greg

Before we even get into what you should do in your relationship, let’s start with what not to do.

Continue reading “Every Successful Relationship is Successful For The Same Exact Reasons by M. Manson”

Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong

Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong

(Link): Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong

Excerpts:

Avoid a bad end by asking the right questions at the start.

Few people have a keener eye for relationship red flags thandivorce attorneys. They’ve seen firsthand how quickly personality quirks can turn into major annoyances and the problems that can lead to calling it quits.

That also makes them surprisingly good at giving dating advice.

Below, family law attorneys from across the country share nine pointed questions to ask on a first date if you want to avoid getting into a relationship with someone you’ll eventually divorce.

Continue reading “Nine Questions To Ask On A First Date, According To Divorce Lawyers by B. Wong”

Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match by Tyler Schmall

Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match by Tyler Schmall

(Link): Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match

Excerpts:

Before getting serious with a new partner, you may want to check their paystubs.

According to new research, relationships are incompatible if there’s a $36,000 disparity in salary.

The fascinating new statistic emerged in a new study of 2,000 single Americans examining all things dating including the role finances play when entering into a new relationship.

Respondents were asked to assess where they feel a disparity in income actually leads to incompatibility. A nearly $40,000 difference in earnings was named as the point at which such a difference in earning becomes problematic while dating.

Continue reading “Relationships Don’t Work If Salaries Don’t Match by Tyler Schmall”