Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

This is page one of five pages:

(Link): Five Page Series on Singleness from Justcor

In my view, the most interesting page was this one:

(Link): Page 2: The first question on the survey asked, “What are one or two things the church is doing that discourages you in addressing the topic of singleness?”

Though I disagree with items on page 2 such as this one:

    13. Unwillingness to combat evil cultural ideals produced by sexual revolution and feminism

Le sigh. Feminism is not totally to blame for all relationship ills among Christians; I addressed that here:
(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

Nor do I agree with these points:

    15. Letting the cultural ideal of career planning supersede marriage

    16. Missing the mark of God-centered marriage of Ephesians 5 with male headship and female submission

Number 15 hints at people who push early marriage – the weenies who think all Christians should marry at age 18 or 20. See: (Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by A. Moore (editorial) and (Link): The Nauseating Push by Evangelicals for Early Marriage

Number 16 – aside from the fact I’m an egalitarian, as I’ve written about before, these “biblical gender roles” (which are not biblical) keep the genders apart and is one reason there is a tidal wave of singles in the church who want to be married but can’t even get a date.

A few points from page two that I did relate with:

    5. Use of cliches that fall far short of addressing singleness

    9. Misbelief that unmarried are less mature than married

    17. Celebrating only wedding and births but not significant events of singles

    19. Making promises they can’t guarantee such as “You’ll find the right guy,” etc.

    20. Ignoring the topic altogether

    21. Unwillingness to host a singles-only event

    24. Thinking contentment in God and having a desire for marriage are mutually exclusive

    26. Treating singles as asexual

    35. Enforcing too many boundaries and rules to friendships between men and women

    36. Young Christian men suffering from lack of confidence and fear of rejection

    38. Married people valuing friendship with other married people over single people

(Link): Read that whole list here (page 2)

As to this point:

    26. Treating singles as asexual

There are two strains of thought among Christians on this issue.

Some Christians either think of older, never-married Christians as asexual (or lacking sexual desire), or, conversely, they think we are horny horn dogs who have sex with 567 different partners every night, when we’re not bedding married men.

In the world of conservative Christianity, older single Christians are either thought of as
1. Madonnas or as Whores, or, to put it another way, as
2. sexless or lust-filled, randy bed hoppers.

The truth for a lot of Christian singles is somewhere in-between both caricatures.

There is also a page 3, 4, and a 5 and the Justcor blog about singleness.
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Christian Males Blaming their Unwanted Protracted Singleness on Feminism – They have the wrong target

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships: They’re One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Why Unmarried – Single Christians Should Be Concerned about the Gender Role Controversy

How Christians Keep Christians Single part 2 – The Unmarried Movie

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 2) – The Unmarried Movie

See previous post about this topic: (Link): Christian Teachings on Relationships Are One Reasons Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

(Link): BGBC Survivors Blog has several good posts about singleness in Christianity, by Julie Anne. I believe she has a new blog now, and the old one is shut down.

Here is one post at the old blog location where Julie Anne discusses a video advertising a movie called “Unmarried,” and where she also discusses how Christian teachings about dating, gender, marriage, and sex, are unintentionally keeping singles single.

(Link to blog post): The UnMarried Movie: Singleness as a Result of Rigid and Controlled Parenting

(Link to video itself, on You Tube):

(Link): The Unmarried Movie Trailer, on You Tube

The man in the video describes singleness – or maybe he meant specifically delayed marriage – as a “problem.” Well, yes, prolonged singleness is a problem for those of us who wanted marriage, were assured by Christian leaders if we just had enough faith that marriage would happen, but it did not happen for us.

But to treat singleness as a problem in and of itself is biblically inaccurate and a slap in the face to and an insult to singles, whether they chose to remain single or did not choose to remain single.

The man in the video says that delayed marriage and the “rise of singleness” means there is “no future for the church.”

Only someone who truly idolizes marriage and who grossly misunderstands singlehood could arrive at that conclusion. Christ taught that the church would be increased through preaching of the Gospel to the unsaved, not through patriarchy, or through marriage, or by Christians having babies.

I’d also add that the constant worry over marriage and lack of marriage taking place is another form of IGNORING SINGLE PEOPLE and THEIR NEEDS.

Most churches, from the main stream to the nutty fringe churches, will pay you no notice until and unless you are married.

Instead of continually obsessing on marriage and why it’s not taking place, why don’t these churches start to pay attention to the singles they already have now, singles of all ages, and meet them where they are? Their only need is not to get married. While they live alone, they have other needs and problems.

Here are some excepts from Julie Anne’s page about the video:

—- start quote [by Julie Anne] —

And then there were the purity rules – no boy or girl should ever be alone together. Relationships had to go through the father, girls were given purity rings by their fathers (and mothers) and they pledged to remain virgins until marriage, sometimes signing a covenant . . . . and so on.

As I was thinking about modesty and purity, it made me wonder about the movie, UnMarried. Do you suppose all of these modesty and purity rules may have backfired and contributed to the growing number of singles? The people behind the UnMarried movie come from the patriarchal background. They believe in moms having lots and lots of babies to populate the earth with more Christians. Singleness remains a threat to their way of doing things because no babies means fewer Christians in future generations (as if they are the ones who determines if their child was elect, right?).

For years these [Christian] kids were told [by churches and Christian parents] don’t look at the opposite sex, don’t lust, don’t touch. And now the producers of this movie are telling these same young adults: hurry up and get married. Perhaps they might even say these singles are in sin and preempting God’s plans for His church by their “prolonged adolescence”. I’ve certainly read it before by folks within this movement.

Yup, I think it backfired. It is my opinion that the movie, UnMarried is an attempt at damage control. They are trying to recover from the mess they made by their ridiculous rules of making sure their children were completely modest and virginal. Legalism backfires, people. It just does not work the way people want. It usually produces extremes. In my former church, the result of this kind of legalism was a lot of young adults acting out sexually. It can go the other direction, too – prolonged singleness. They’ve raised a bunch of adult children who have difficulty functioning normally in a mixed-sex society. They may be afraid to look at the opposite sex for fear of lust and sin. They may be afraid to talk to someone of the opposite sex because they aren’t married yet and fear, What would people think? In most circles I am familiar with, a young couple would not be allowed to go to even Starbucks alone unless a little sibling tagged along.

—end quote—

Read the rest of that post (Link): here, and check out the rest of her blog for other posts about singlehood.

Churches really need to start meeting the needs of singles of ALL AGES as they are currently, instead of only obsessing on getting the under- age- 25 singles married off.

The under age 25 age group might have other needs – why do the churches only care about their marital status?

The Bible does not teach that Christians are to be this marriage- minded.

The Bible does not condemn singles who want marriage, but it does not foster this bizarre, overly narrow fixation on marriage nor does it treat singlehood in this derogatory fashion, as though singlehood is a disease that can lead to the ruin of civilzation.

As long as the pagans keep having babies, there are plenty of them to convert to Christianity; ergo, the church will not die off if Christians stop having marriage and babies of their own. There will always be plenty of pagan kids and pagan adults to give the Gospel message to.

These Christians who are so insanely marriage- and parenting- obsessed need to trust God more. Instead, they are trying to rely wholly on their own effort (procreation of their own, or preaching fertility to other Christians) to repopulate God’s kingdom. God says in the New Testament that his kingdom will now be repopulated through sharing of the Gospel.