Why Opposites Rarely Attract by V. Swami

Why Opposites Rarely Attract by V. Swami

(Link): Why Opposites Rarely Attract by V. Swami

Excerpt:

But it’s not just Disney: the idea that opposites attract has completely saturated the film industry – think of the neurotic comedian who falls for the free-spirited singer in Woody Allen’s Annie Hall, for example. In fact, (Link): one study found that almost 80% of us believe in the idea that opposites attract.

But a (Link): new study tracking people’s digital footprints – how they behave online – suggests this isn’t actually true in real life. And it isn’t the first time science has come to that conclusion. For decades, psychologists and sociologists have pointed out that the idea that opposites attract is a (Link): myth.

Continue reading “Why Opposites Rarely Attract by V. Swami”

The Surprising Danger of Being Good at Your Job (The Drawbacks to Being Self Controlled, Competent, and Reliable in Relationships) by R. Sugar

The Surprising Danger of Being Good at Your Job (The Drawbacks to Being Self Controlled, Competent, and Reliable)

Even though this article originally has the word “job” in the headline, it also discusses the impact of being reliable, competent, and self controlled in a person’s dating life, friendships, and so on.

People such as myself who are sexually abstinent into their 40s have a hell of a lot of self control (obviously, I’d say). I’m also pretty disciplined at exercise and dieting and in other areas of life.

I was the reliable, competent one in my relationship with my ex-fiance’, and yes, as a result I was over-worked and grew resentful of that idiot. I ended up carrying more than my fair share of the workload.

I was also reliable on jobs I held in the past, as well as in group assignments I was placed into by college professors to the point that bosses or other team members would over-work me, take me for granted, etc.

I definitely related to this article…

(Link): The Surprising Danger of Being Good at Your Job (The Drawbacks to Being Self Controlled, Competent, and Reliable) by R. Sugar

Science confirms what high performers have known for years: It’s not easy being so competent.

(Link): A study from Duke’s Fuqua School of Business suggests that people with high self-control — the kind of people who remember birthdays, choose the salad instead of the fries, take on extra projects at work, and resolve conflicts easily — might actually pay a price for those virtues.

“People always talk about how having high self-control is a good thing,” says researcher Christy Zhou Koval, a Ph.D. candidate and first author on the study, which was published in this month’s Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. And in many ways, it is a good thing: “Go-getters get what they go after,” she points out. “They’re better at goal pursuits. They make very good relationship partners.”

They’re also better-off financially than their less-disciplined peers; they tend to be in better health, and they generally have higher-quality personal relationships.

But all that comes at a cost: High-self-control people, the researchers found, end up burdened by their own competence.

Continue reading “The Surprising Danger of Being Good at Your Job (The Drawbacks to Being Self Controlled, Competent, and Reliable in Relationships) by R. Sugar”

Woman Says Her Formerly (Supposed) Womanizing Husband Claims He’s Not Interested in Having Sex With Her (Ask Amy)

Woman Says Her Formerly (Supposed) Womanizing Husband Claims He’s Not Interested in Having Sex  With Her (Ask Amy)

This is a Nov. 2016 letter from a married woman to advice columnist “Ask Amy.”

The woman’s husband was quite the horn dog prior to meeting her, or so he says. The husband claims he slept around a lot, prior to them marrying.

I would avoid a guy like this like the plague, but this woman actually found it “touching” or sweet when the guy told her out of the bazillions of women he’s slept with before, she seems special to him – so she married him (sounds like a cheap line a player would use to me, but I digress).

Anyway. The woman is now writing Amy to say their marriage has turned sexless.

I suspect that the guy is probably having affairs with other women, which is one possibility Amy tosses out.

Regardless of his motivations, it remains that this woman is in a sexless marriage.

I never heard things like this from Christians when I was a kid, teen, or older.

All I ever heard growing up was the propaganda that if a woman remains a virgin until marriage, that the married sex will be Fantastic! Roof shattering! Frequent! Always satisfying! Great!

Well apparently, married sex is not what it’s cracked up to be. If you marry, your husband may have so much extra-marital sex with other women, he won’t be interested in having sex with you any longer. Or, the husband may be under so much job stress he won’t want to have sex. Or, he might have depression, which can sap a person’s libido.

There could be any number of reasons why a spouse won’t “put out” in a marriage any more, which will leave you, the other half, sex-less. I seldom see Christians admit that this is a thing, that it happens to couples, which I feel is dishonest of them.

Being married is not – contrary to a lot of conservative Christian propaganda – a guarantee of receiving hot, regular, great sex.

You can read the woman’s letter here:

(Link):  Ask Amy: Wife ponders mystery of husband’s behavior

Dear Amy: I fell madly in love with a wonderful, kind man. He told me that he had been with 30-plus women in his 55-plus years, primarily for sex.

When he told me he really loved me and had never truly felt this way before about any other woman, it won me over, and now we are married.

I am seven years younger than he is and had been divorced for about 15 years. My issue is that now my husband is not interested in having sex with me at all.

He states that he has already had that and now he just wants love.

I have cried, talked and asked for counseling, to no avail. I am ready to walk away. I feel ugly and undesirable.

He has promised to make changes, but in 10 months nothing has changed.

I love him deeply, but my heart is telling me that this is now becoming toxic.

I don’t understand how he can have sex with so many women he didn’t love, but not with the woman he loves.

Do you have any guidance?

Feeling Abandoned

Your husband is not a “wonderful, kind” man. He’s a user and a sexist pig, lady. A wonderful, kind man does not sexually use woman or sleep around to the point he’s bagged 30 plus women over his life. You married a dud.

And by the way, if the guy is saying he will make changes, but ten months later, none have been made, that is your two by four over the head: the man has NO INTENTION of changing. Leave now. Stop wasting your time on this guy. Divorce. Learn to be happy being single.

Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors

Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors

I’m not going to copy the entire page here; you’re just getting excerpts.

Number five on this list describes my ex fiance exactly (see this (Link): prior post). I’d also say point 7 applies to my ex. My ex kept putting his mother (and some of his other family members) before me.

(Link): Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors

Excerpts

Read on for nine signs he’s just (Link): not the marrying type, according to marriage counselors. (Note that this applies to women too!)

1. He acts younger than he is.

“If he still acts like he’s in a fraternity ― staying out all night, drinking too much ― then he’s not ready for marriage. Getting married requires giving up the self-focus and ‘it’s all about me’ behavior. This doesn’t mean marriage doesn’t allow for some ‘me time,’ because it does, but it’s down on the priority list way below being responsible and considerate of your spouse.” ― Kurt Smith, counselor and director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching

5. He always makes it about him.

“Any healthy relationship needs a give-and-take dance. That said, it would only make sense for there to be balanced conversations. However, if your man leads most of the conversations back to himself and shows no interested in you, then chances are that he will mimic the same behavior throughout a marriage.” ― Carin Goldstein, marriage and family therapist

Continue reading “Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors”

‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner

‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner

(Link): ‘It’s not me, it’s you’: a loser’s guide to dealing with rejection by The Guyliner

Excerpts:

Advances in technology, and the urge to express ourselves as loudly as possible, mean rejection has never been so easy to dole out. Swiping left on Tinder, blocking on Twitter, marching to the polling booth: a firm no is never far away, but the bitter sting never fails to shock.

We’ve witnessed an unusually high level of public rejection over the last few turbulent weeks, from politicians discovering their posses were lacking compadres and feeling their ambition turn to ash in their mouths, to the much-maligned EU, sadly opening its Dear John letter from 52% of the UK, all calls going straight to voicemail.

Rejection can teach you a lot about yourself and those around you. “No” may never be music to your ears, but you can learn to take it with dignity. Or, at the very least, store up ample fuel for your revenge.

….On a dating app

“Why don’t they love me?” I’d cry when I was single, throwing myself on to a fainting couch whenever someone I’d contacted didn’t reciprocate.

Continue reading “‘It’s Not Me, It’s You’: A Loser’s Guide to Dealing with Rejection by The Guyliner”

Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ by D. L. D’Oyley

Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ by D. L. D’Oyley

If you are not already aware, Steve Harvey, whom this author discusses, is a Christian. He is sometimes a guest speaker on Christian network TBN.

(Link): Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ (page 1) (Link to Page 2) by D. L. D’Oyley

Excerpts:

  • Feb 2016
  • She Matters: If they’re men who hold shoddy views about sex and women, it follows that their advice to women will also be shoddy.
  • …It’s a common theme among men, including many so-called relationship experts. And that’s a huge problem.
  • It should be obvious why that’s an issue, but in case it isn’t: You have men who hold screwed-up views about sex and women telling women how to be better women to land a man.
  • If the perspective with which they view women is shoddy, then it follows that their advice to women will also be shoddy.

Continue reading “Women, Stop Listening to Sexist Relationship ‘Experts’ by D. L. D’Oyley”

The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

I would also add to the list on the page I am linking to:

Hetero Men who are seeking women on dating sites and apps: do not send women unsolicited penis photos; do not have anything mentioning sex on your profile, and do not mention (or joke about) sex in any of your “must have” lists on dating sites or any part of your profile.

I don’t care if you are totally into sex and think sex is mucho importante in a relationship, any mention of sex (even if you think it’s funny to put vulgar jokes on your profile) is a turn-off (and / or creepy) to most women.

You wait until you have been dating a person for awhile to bring sex up, and even then, you should be TASTEFUL about it, not crass or perverted or weird.

(Link): The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile

Excerpts:

  • They show up for dates looking nothing like their pictures. They tell long, rambling stories about their “psycho exes” or spend the entirety of the evening talking about their material possessions.
  • Men who date online never fail to surprise the women they meet, but they seem to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that they’re scaring people off.
  • With men now (Link): drastically outnumbering women on many dating apps, can guys afford to offend the few female users they might attract?
  •  

    Working with April Masini, a New York City-based relationship expert and psychotherapist, we analyzed responses from women who are currently active on the online dating scene.

  • Masini regularly offers dating advice to people of both genders through her website (Link): AskApril.com. She reviewed the lines women hate to see most on online dating profiles and gave her advice on how men can better phrase them.
  • 1. “No drama.”
  • By the time people join online dating sites, they’ve often had a wealth of experiences that include breakups, job transitions, and possibly even parenthood.

Continue reading “The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris”

Woman Book Author – Andrea Tantaros – Suggests That Single Women Are Miserable And Can’t Get Husbands Because Feminism. My Critique of Her Article / Book

Woman Book Author – Andrea Tantaros –  Suggests That Single Women Are Miserable And Can’t Get Husbands Because Feminism. My Critique of Her Article / Book

(This post has been edited to add several new comments and a link or two)


If you are new to my blog: I am right wing, I don’t agree with most secular feminism, but I do think secular feminism is correct on a point here or there.

This article I link you to farther below is about a book a woman wrote (I believe she is right wing), and it reads like one of those “blame feminism” type works. The book is by Andrea Tantaros, and its title is “Tied Up in Knots: How Getting What We Wanted Made Women Miserable.”

I have not read the book; I have only read the author’s article about the book, which you see linked to farther down the page. I take it that her article is a sort of preview about what one can expect to see in the book.

This article argues that most women got what they wanted (via feminism), and they are miserable as a result: they are not getting men. Women want marriage and are not getting married. The women want to have great careers, but they also want a manly- man who will marry them and sometimes take care of them; they want a partner to share life with.

Continue reading “Woman Book Author – Andrea Tantaros – Suggests That Single Women Are Miserable And Can’t Get Husbands Because Feminism. My Critique of Her Article / Book”

Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel

Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel

It sure does seem that a lot of guys think they are owed sex.

A lot of Christian men not only feel that they are entitled sex (once married), but both before and after marriage, they feel entitled to everything from women: they expect to have their egos stroked all the time, for instance.

Do you Christian men who arrogantly expect women to uplift you and tell you how great you are, ever consider encouraging women in your lives, whether they are single or married?

Women sometimes need or want some external validation, yet whiny men (including Christian ones) seldom consider giving any to women. They rudely assume God put women here only to meet men’s needs. Nope: it goes both ways.

Women have needs too. Women have days or phases in their lives when they get tired, discouraged, worn down and could use a kind word or a helping hand.

(Link):  Men Aren’t Etitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist fit at woman who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel

Excerpts:

  • Even if he buys her dinner, even if she asks him out, even if she flirts—there’s no excuse for this behavior
  • …That he turned on a dime to insult her should tell us that he only saw her as an object he wanted available for his pleasure, whether to stroke his ego or stroke other body parts. The moment she rejects him, even though she doesn’t say a single negative thing toward him, he interprets that as pretty much the worst thing a woman could do to him. Her not wanting sex automatically means, in his mind, she’s basically an evil bitch who’s wasted his time.
  • Another obvious statement: her not wanting to have sex with him doesn’t automatically mean she didn’t like him, or didn’t have a good date. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but by treating sex as the one and only arbiter of success, he turned what could have been a fun night into a nightmare.

Continue reading “Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel”

Single, Adult Woman Lies on Church Employment Form About Pre-Marital Sex and Sexual Orientation, Says Friend – Letter to Ask Amy Advice Column

Single, Adult Woman Lies on Church Employment Form About Pre-Marital Sex and Sexual Orientation, Says Friend – Letter to Ask Amy Advice Column

I’ll paste in the letter below, and probably Amy’s response. I think Amy dropped the ball on her reply, for the most part.

I’m using this letter not so much as it pertains to homosexuality, but the phenomenon of singles (or anyone, I guess) lying about their sexual habits or pasts, especially in a church context.

When I was growing up, my parents encouraged me to seek a marital partner at church. The thought being that I could meet a decent, kind, stable man at a church and marry the guy.

The problem is (as I’ve detailed on this blog time and again) is that churches attract all sorts of weirdos, perverts, and losers (and liars).

If you are a single Christian woman who insists on meeting a single man at a church, you better be well aware that just because a guy is attending church, works at said church, or says he loves Jesus and is a Christian, does not mean he is a nice guy or is honest. He might be a child rapist, a woman abuser, or have a raging pornography addiction.

The letter below is about a lesbian woman who misrepresented herself (her sexual nature / sexual history) to a church to get hired, contra to  Ask Amy’s spin on it (you can read a copy of this letter here):

  • Dear Amy:
  • I have a huge dilemma. “Jane” and I have been good friends since middle school. I love her like a sister.
  • Recently, Jane accepted a job at a church as the youth director in the town where we attend college. She is good with youth and is very outgoing.
  • However, Jane was not fully truthful when applying for this job.
  • The church asked all applicants to affirm its faith statement and a code of behavior that prohibits premarital sex. Jane signed the code of behavior, indicating that she would not have premarital sex.
  • To further confuse the issue, she told them that she did not have a boyfriend. In truth, Jane does have sex. However, she is a (quiet) lesbian.

Continue reading “Single, Adult Woman Lies on Church Employment Form About Pre-Marital Sex and Sexual Orientation, Says Friend – Letter to Ask Amy Advice Column”

Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Relationship Lasting Guarantee Contra Comic Chelsea Handler

Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Guarantee for a Lasting Relationship – Contra Comic Chelsea Handler

The following blog post contains strong profanity in places and some frank sexual talk.
—————————————–
Not that I object to this editorial per se, but it’s being carried by the same site (a pro-life site) that (Link): usually denigrates female virginity – because they put too high a premium on people pro-creating, and if a woman is remaining chaste, she is, in their opinion, in sin, or error or some sort, for not having sex and making babies, because supposedly, a woman’s only purpose in life is to make babies (even though the Bible no where teaches this concept).

But here is a guest editorial they are featuring where the author is defending a person’s right to sexually abstain, and it’ okay.

(Link): Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin

Excerpts:

  • by C. Martin
  • Our society is obsessed with talking about sex, regardless if you’re having it or not. Take for instance the recent March (Link): cover of People magazine, which featured the title, “Bachelor’s Sean & Catherine, Waiting for Our Wedding night.”
  • To make things a bit clearer, they added below the title, “No sex until ‘I do.’” The cover may intrigue those who scratch their heads, wondering in earnest why anyone would (gasp) wait to have sex.

Continue reading “Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Relationship Lasting Guarantee Contra Comic Chelsea Handler”

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina

Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men

I’m only copying one point off the page.

What this excerpt discusses from a secular view is similar to what occurs in Christianity: many Christians also believe that all men are randy horn dogs who want sex 24/7, but, they also believe and teach that women (especially married ones) hate sex and have to be convinced or shamed into having more sex.

I’ve posted links to news stories and studies before that mention that women want sex just as much as men. One headline I have on my blog that I saw in the news was something like, “Women’s sex appetite rivals men’s, when they think nobody is judging.”

See, in American society, if a woman is sexual or admits to wanting or liking sex, she will often be thought of as a slut. This happens both within and out the church – secular culture is kind of like this, too. Though it seems secular culture is a little more open to the idea of women wanting sex or having sex than Christian culture is.

Anyway, the cultural mores are such that even if a woman really enjoys sex, wants sex, she will be hesitant to act like it or admit it for fear of getting the “slut” label by other people or by her church. I don’t think that’s something that people often consider, especially not conservative Christians.

(Link): Here are 5 stupid, unfair and sexist things expected of men

Excerpts:

  • … But we don’t talk as much about how sexism hurts men. Understandably. When you look at the grotesque ways women are damaged by sexism—from economic inequality to political disenfranchisement to literal, physical abuse—it makes perfect sense that we’d care more about how sexism, patriarchy and rigid gender roles affect women than we do about how they affect men.
  • But men undoubtedly get screwed up by this stuff, too. Not screwed up as badly as women, to be sure… but not trivially, either.
  • [Sexist Things Expected of Men]
  • 3. Be hot to trot. Always. With anybody.
  • This is another expectation that came up with striking (although hardly surprising) frequency.
  • Men are supposed to want sex — and be ready for sex — all the time.
  • With pretty much anyone of the right gender who makes themselves available for it.

Continue reading “Here Are 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men – by G. Christina”

Things Married People Should Not Say to Singles (via Hax)

This was published in an advice Hax column, December 2015.

Advice from a single adult to married people (this was not written by me; it was written by a guest writer at the Hax column):

——————————————-

On being single in a familial sea of marrieds:

I highly recommend that those who are married consider the following do’s and don’ts before they spend time with only one single person (or very few).

●Do not monopolize the conversation with discussions of your kids.

Being interested in keeping up with nieces, nephews and other relatives doesn’t mean wanting to hear a scene-by-scene description of little Sally’s role in the kindergarten play.

Besides being mind-numbingly boring, it can be disheartening to hear someone else go on about their joy in raising a child when you may never experience it for yourself.

●Do engage single people in conversations about their own lives such as job/career, hobbies or travel.

Continue reading “Things Married People Should Not Say to Singles (via Hax)”

Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)

Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)

A lot of Christians like to tell folks if they just hold off on sex until marriage, that the sex will be frequent and the best ever.

But then you see these letters or blog posts by married people who complain that the sex is terrible or is not happening at all. In some of these situations, the partner that wants sex will have an affair because the spouse with a low libido or sexual dysfunction is not putting out.

Christians need to stop promising singles that if they are chaste, they will have great and regular sex when they marry, and they need to continually remind married couples that celibacy is for married couples too – in a case where the husband lacks a sex drive, this does not give the wife the right to seek sex outside of marriage (or vice versa).

But too often, Christians just assume that the only persons who need to hear sermons and reminders about being sexually pure are singles. Wrong!

Note also that the woman writing this letter wants to have sex. She misses sex. Too often in secular and Christian culture, men are depicted as being randy horn dogs who always want to have sex, while married women are depicted as hating sex and not wanting it. The fact is a lot of women want sex and enjoy it. Sex isn’t for men only.

Here is the letter to Hax:

December 2015

Dear Carolyn (Hax):

  • I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, married 10. We were friends at first, and it grew into a mutual love. Generally we’re great.
  • The not-so-great part is that he stopped wanting sex, and it has been a source of contention for a few years now.

Continue reading “Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)”

Boyfriend is Insecure About Girlfriend’s [Sexual] Past (Ask Amy Letter)

Boyfriend is insecure about girlfriend’s past (Ask Amy Letter)

Yes, sex sometimes means something to some people. Some people don’t believe in having numerous sexual partners, having casual sex, or what have you.

Some people can be troubled to know that their partner has a sexual history – or maybe can sort of compartmentalize it and suppress it, if they don’t get subjected to details about it.

Here we have a letter from a woman who says her current boyfriend is troubled by her sexual past.

Not everyone holds casual attitudes about sex.

Boyfriend is insecure about girlfriend’s past

Dear Amy:

I am seeking advice on a very touchy subject between me and my boyfriend of two years.

I am 24 years old. When I was 21, I was living in a different town and had a sexual relationship with another female.

This relationship did not last long, because I became conflicted and eventually determined I was just not interested in that lifestyle.

My boyfriend is everything to me! From our values to spirituality, he is my perfect match.

We have always been open and honest with each other. He has a daughter from a previous relationship, so he likes to make the point that he can’t hide his past.

I opened up about my past sexual history with the female. Now he seems to be struggling with a lot of insecurity.

I’m not sure what else I can do to comfort him, in that I am not gay. I was a young lady in a weird spot in life and experimented (like a lot of us do at that age).

But he is taking this very hard.

Continue reading “Boyfriend is Insecure About Girlfriend’s [Sexual] Past (Ask Amy Letter)”

Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated

Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated

From a November 2015 Ask Amy column.

  • Dear Amy:
  • I have two adult daughters, ages 32 and 36. Both are cute, intelligent and kind, and yet neither one has had a boyfriend — or has even gone out on a date — for five years.
  •  Although friends and family have frequently offered to fix them up with people, both daughters have always refused, and now people have stopped offering.
  • Neither daughter will use an online dating program, although they both know of friends and family who have met their spouse/significant other this way.

    This is a very sensitive topic for both of my daughters. They overreact strongly when I try to bring up the subject, telling me to “mind my own business.”

    Continue reading “Mom Is Ashamed of 30-Something Daughters Who’ve Never Been Married or Dated”

I Was A Potted Plant. Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance

Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue   – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance

I don’t think getting married is enough. You have to marry the right person, someone who makes you feel valued, someone with whom you’re compatible. The woman’s husband in this letter (which I copied much, much farther below) is not doing any of that for her.

Before I get to her letter, I wanted to talk about the situation with my ex fiance. I am going to spend a good long portion of the intro of this post griping and explaining about my ex, Fred.

I also posted this letter to my blog because this woman’s husband reminds me of my ex fiance.

I wrote about my ex in (Link): this post, about half way down that page, under the “Personal Experiences” subtitle.

My ex, let’s call him “Fred,” never stopped yapping. He was a talker.

During the several years we were an item, Fred never stopped talking.

The very few number of times I tried to talk about myself, my job, or topics I thought both of us would find interesting, or topics I felt passionate about, Fred would get a glassy-eyed stare as though he didn’t care about what I was saying.

He would not say hardly anything in response to anything I said, and he wouldn’t ask me clarifying questions about what I was saying.

Or, if we were chatting over the phone (about one third to 1/2 of our relationship was long distance), he would go deadly quiet.

Deadly quiet as in, Fred was bored listening to me talk about anything. The moment I would go silent again after an incident like that, he would resume talking as though I had never said anything. I endured several YEARS of that behavior, which I found hurtful, strange, and incredibly RUDE.

Fred would not show ordinary behaviors most people show when you are in conversation with them.

He would talk about himself, his family (mother, uncles, brothers, etc), and his job.

But Fred would not even pause to ask me questions about this stuff he was talking about, like, “So, what do you think of my Uncle getting a new job at Acme Inc.? Do you think he should have taken the job at Spacely Sprockets instead?”

Nope. Fred would talk endlessly about whatever he wanted to but then never ask me for my thoughts on whatever he was yakking about. He didn’t ask for my input.

As a result of that (and a few other elements of our relationship), I didn’t feel valued by Fred, my ex. There was no emotional connection because he did not take an interest in me, my career, my hobbies, my opinions, or my life.

I often would sit in the same room with Fred yet feel all ALONE.

I was “emotionally single,” even though I was dating the guy, in a relationship! I might as well have been single. I did not feel as though I was part of a couple.

Continue reading “I Was A Potted Plant. Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance”

Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

Good for her. I don’t have the heart to read the comments on the page  (on the Daily Mail site), however. If they are supportive of her, that would be great, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a large number mock and ridicule her for her choice.

I’m still trying to understand how it is most Western nations and cultures tolerate, or beg tolerance, for about any and all expressions of sexual behavior and sexual choices except for celibacy, virginity, or more conservative sexual behaviors.

Sex does mean a little more to some of us than the rest of society.

I think it’s rather sad we are living in such a hyper sexualized world that someone who is either a virgin, a celibate, or just wants to wait for sex, is considered an oddity or a weirdo.

The main link in this post is to a page on the Daily Mail, but they got their story idea from this page at Cosmo:

(Link):  Don’t Judge Me Because I Wait to Have Sex by S. Weiss

  • Women should not be judged for sleeping with people quickly, but they shouldn’t be judged for waiting either

(Link): Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘for Fun’ – Daily Mail

Excerpts:

Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, tried casual sex in college but craved emotional and intellectual stimulation, too

She doesn’t fault other women for having casual sex, but says intimacy is more fulfilling for her after she gets close with a man

The longest she’s gone before sleeping with a boyfriend is ten months, and she insists the guys she meets are all on-board with her pace 

By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM

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One 25-year-old woman says the reason that she isn’t quick to hop into bed with a new guy isn’t because she’s a virgin, or religious, or a prude. It’s because – call her old fashioned – she wants more than just sex.

Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, is totally open to talking about sex and wants women’s sexuality to be destigmatized. She just isn’t look for a hook-up.

‘I don’t believe that sex is just for fun,’ she wrote in an essay for (Link): Cosmopolitan.com. ‘For me, at least, it’s spiritual, it’s emotional, and it’s a chance to get closer to someone. And developing a physical relationship before I’m close to someone can confuse matters, making me see my partner through rose-colored glasses and feel committed before I should.’

Continue reading “Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait”

Guy Upset to Discover His Wife Had Sex With Other Guy Before They Married (Dear Abby Sept 2015 Letter)

The fact is not everyone takes sex so casually. Sex still means something to some of us. So, if you’ve had sex prior (with someone else), that can negatively impact whomever you are dating now, or married to now.

Lecturing people that they should be all forgiving or non-judgmental about sex in this hedonistic age we’re living in is just not going to work for people who actually do think one night stands are gross and that sex with another person should be meaningful.

Here’s a letter to Dear Abby from some guy who has been married for 20 years. He found out from reading his wife’s old journal that she had sex with some other guy while she was engaged to him. And this bothers him a lot.

Notice he signed his letter “Hurting in Ohio”

(Link):  Dear Abby: I’m upset that my wife had an affair 40 years ago

  • Dear Abby:
  • My wife and I are in our 60s and have been married more than 40 years. It hasn’t always been great, but we’ve made it. Recently, while going through some old boxes in the basement, I ran across her diary and discovered that she had an affair while we were engaged.
  • This has left me depressed, hurt and feeling very down. Should I confront her with my findings?
  • Hurting in Ohio

Abby sort of chides the guy for having read her personal, private diary in her response. Regardless of how the guy found out about it, he knows now, and is hurt.  Abby doesn’t really deal with his pain over this. Just brushes past that to chew him out for having read her diary.

So there you have it. Your past sexual behavior can hurt or upset a future lover or spouse. Which is one reason of a few I think people should not be so blase’ about sex or whine and complain about “slut shaming” on all the secular feminist or liberal feminist Christian sites.

And, by the way? I would still feel this way if the letter writer was a lady and the other person a guy. I hold guys to the same standards on this that I do the ladies. I would not blame a woman if she had discovered the same deal, that her husband had slept with some lady during their engagement and was angry or hurt by it.

Continue reading “Guy Upset to Discover His Wife Had Sex With Other Guy Before They Married (Dear Abby Sept 2015 Letter)”

Married Guy Feels All Alone Because His Wife is on Cell Phone or Computer All Day and Night

Married Guy Feels All Alone Because His Wife is on Cell Phone or Computer All Day and Night

Being married or in a serious relationship is not a guarantee you’ll have companionship and not be lonely.

I was engaged to a guy for a few years, and he was not meeting my emotional needs. He was a self absorbed douche bag who only wanted me to listen to him talk about himself, he never showed an interest in me or my life. Consequently, there were many times I sat in the same room with him yet still felt all alone.

Yet, our culture (and I would include Christians and churches in this observation) continue to portray getting or being married as the solution. They continue to present this picture of marriage that you will never experience loneliness or disappointment.

But married people often say they feel lonely or neglected in their marriages, if you pay attention – you can find these sorts of stories all the time in women’s magazines, forums where married people talk about their problems, and so on.

Before I started this blog 3 or 4 years ago, I sometimes saw other letters like this one, some of them printed in the newspaper, some of them online, every once in awhile.

About seven to ten years ago, I’d consistently see husbands write in to Ask Amy or Dear Abby to complain they felt alone in their marriage because their wives were internet addicts.

One husband told the advice columnist his wife spent all her spare time on Facebook, playing the Farmville game. Seriously, some women find playing Farmville (where they can feed digital cows and grow digital corn) more rewarding than spending time with their own husbands.

Also, on the page below, is a side bar with links to other letters, and some of them sound similar to the one below, married people writing to the advice lady to say their marriage is dead, there is no romance, they feel neglected or alone.

(Link): Letter To Dear Abby, August 2015

  • DEAR ABBY:
  • My wife and I have been married 22 years, and we had a good marriage until recently. Over the last three years she has become more and more consumed with her phone and tablet. She goes nowhere and does nothing without them.
  • Every night and weekend she sits engrossed in both devices until well after I have gone to bed. If I ask what she’s doing or who she’s texting, she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.

  • We can’t watch a movie, eat a meal (out or at home) or anything else without her constantly tending to at least one of her devices. She says she can multitask and I shouldn’t be concerned, but it has greatly diminished our relationship. I feel like when we’re together, I am really alone.

  • If that isn’t enough, I have seen her communications with other men, sometimes intimate, late at night. When I ask about them, she throws the same labels at me. What should I do?

  • – ONLY HUMAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA