Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

Good for her. I don’t have the heart to read the comments on the page  (on the Daily Mail site), however. If they are supportive of her, that would be great, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a large number mock and ridicule her for her choice.

I’m still trying to understand how it is most Western nations and cultures tolerate, or beg tolerance, for about any and all expressions of sexual behavior and sexual choices except for celibacy, virginity, or more conservative sexual behaviors.

Sex does mean a little more to some of us than the rest of society.

I think it’s rather sad we are living in such a hyper sexualized world that someone who is either a virgin, a celibate, or just wants to wait for sex, is considered an oddity or a weirdo.

The main link in this post is to a page on the Daily Mail, but they got their story idea from this page at Cosmo:

(Link):  Don’t Judge Me Because I Wait to Have Sex by S. Weiss

  • Women should not be judged for sleeping with people quickly, but they shouldn’t be judged for waiting either

(Link): Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘for Fun’ – Daily Mail

Excerpts:

Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, tried casual sex in college but craved emotional and intellectual stimulation, too

She doesn’t fault other women for having casual sex, but says intimacy is more fulfilling for her after she gets close with a man

The longest she’s gone before sleeping with a boyfriend is ten months, and she insists the guys she meets are all on-board with her pace 

By CARLY STERN FOR DAILYMAIL.COM

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One 25-year-old woman says the reason that she isn’t quick to hop into bed with a new guy isn’t because she’s a virgin, or religious, or a prude. It’s because – call her old fashioned – she wants more than just sex.

Suzannah Weiss, from New York City, is totally open to talking about sex and wants women’s sexuality to be destigmatized. She just isn’t look for a hook-up.

‘I don’t believe that sex is just for fun,’ she wrote in an essay for (Link): Cosmopolitan.com. ‘For me, at least, it’s spiritual, it’s emotional, and it’s a chance to get closer to someone. And developing a physical relationship before I’m close to someone can confuse matters, making me see my partner through rose-colored glasses and feel committed before I should.’

Continue reading “Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait”

Guy Upset to Discover His Wife Had Sex With Other Guy Before They Married (Dear Abby Sept 2015 Letter)

The fact is not everyone takes sex so casually. Sex still means something to some of us. So, if you’ve had sex prior (with someone else), that can negatively impact whomever you are dating now, or married to now.

Lecturing people that they should be all forgiving or non-judgmental about sex in this hedonistic age we’re living in is just not going to work for people who actually do think one night stands are gross and that sex with another person should be meaningful.

Here’s a letter to Dear Abby from some guy who has been married for 20 years. He found out from reading his wife’s old journal that she had sex with some other guy while she was engaged to him. And this bothers him a lot.

Notice he signed his letter “Hurting in Ohio”

(Link):  Dear Abby: I’m upset that my wife had an affair 40 years ago

  • Dear Abby:
  • My wife and I are in our 60s and have been married more than 40 years. It hasn’t always been great, but we’ve made it. Recently, while going through some old boxes in the basement, I ran across her diary and discovered that she had an affair while we were engaged.
  • This has left me depressed, hurt and feeling very down. Should I confront her with my findings?
  • Hurting in Ohio

Abby sort of chides the guy for having read her personal, private diary in her response. Regardless of how the guy found out about it, he knows now, and is hurt.  Abby doesn’t really deal with his pain over this. Just brushes past that to chew him out for having read her diary.

So there you have it. Your past sexual behavior can hurt or upset a future lover or spouse. Which is one reason of a few I think people should not be so blase’ about sex or whine and complain about “slut shaming” on all the secular feminist or liberal feminist Christian sites.

And, by the way? I would still feel this way if the letter writer was a lady and the other person a guy. I hold guys to the same standards on this that I do the ladies. I would not blame a woman if she had discovered the same deal, that her husband had slept with some lady during their engagement and was angry or hurt by it.

Continue reading “Guy Upset to Discover His Wife Had Sex With Other Guy Before They Married (Dear Abby Sept 2015 Letter)”

Married Guy Feels All Alone Because His Wife is on Cell Phone or Computer All Day and Night

Married Guy Feels All Alone Because His Wife is on Cell Phone or Computer All Day and Night

Being married or in a serious relationship is not a guarantee you’ll have companionship and not be lonely.

I was engaged to a guy for a few years, and he was not meeting my emotional needs. He was a self absorbed douche bag who only wanted me to listen to him talk about himself, he never showed an interest in me or my life. Consequently, there were many times I sat in the same room with him yet still felt all alone.

Yet, our culture (and I would include Christians and churches in this observation) continue to portray getting or being married as the solution. They continue to present this picture of marriage that you will never experience loneliness or disappointment.

But married people often say they feel lonely or neglected in their marriages, if you pay attention – you can find these sorts of stories all the time in women’s magazines, forums where married people talk about their problems, and so on.

Before I started this blog 3 or 4 years ago, I sometimes saw other letters like this one, some of them printed in the newspaper, some of them online, every once in awhile.

About seven to ten years ago, I’d consistently see husbands write in to Ask Amy or Dear Abby to complain they felt alone in their marriage because their wives were internet addicts.

One husband told the advice columnist his wife spent all her spare time on Facebook, playing the Farmville game. Seriously, some women find playing Farmville (where they can feed digital cows and grow digital corn) more rewarding than spending time with their own husbands.

Also, on the page below, is a side bar with links to other letters, and some of them sound similar to the one below, married people writing to the advice lady to say their marriage is dead, there is no romance, they feel neglected or alone.

(Link): Letter To Dear Abby, August 2015

  • DEAR ABBY:
  • My wife and I have been married 22 years, and we had a good marriage until recently. Over the last three years she has become more and more consumed with her phone and tablet. She goes nowhere and does nothing without them.
  • Every night and weekend she sits engrossed in both devices until well after I have gone to bed. If I ask what she’s doing or who she’s texting, she accuses me of being controlling and not trusting her.

  • We can’t watch a movie, eat a meal (out or at home) or anything else without her constantly tending to at least one of her devices. She says she can multitask and I shouldn’t be concerned, but it has greatly diminished our relationship. I feel like when we’re together, I am really alone.

  • If that isn’t enough, I have seen her communications with other men, sometimes intimate, late at night. When I ask about them, she throws the same labels at me. What should I do?

  • – ONLY HUMAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

To Wife’s Dismay, Alcoholic Husband Regularly Uses Porn – Ask Amy Letter

To Wife’s Dismay, Alcoholic Husband Regularly Uses Porn – Ask Amy Letter

I was going to wait to do another post or two later this week, but I just saw this and was dumbfounded, so I’m doing a post about this now.

In the category of “there are times I am glad I have never married, and this is one of those times,” I present you with this August 2015 letter by a married lady to an advice columnist about her jerk husband.

And let this be another example that goes against a common Christian teaching that God will not grant you a spouse unless and until you become X, whatever X is defined as: mature, more godly, or whatever.

There are clearly some great big losers and perverts out there who are getting married… God is sure as heck not preventing these losers from getting married.

And marriage is not making these people better, more mature, or keeping them from sexual sin (other cliche’s which are taught by many Christians).

I think divorce in a situation like this (as described in the letter below) is acceptable and warranted.

Christians who teach the ‘permanence view of marriage’ can just SUCK IT.

Nobody should have to spend decades putting up with stuff like this (or worse).

DEAR AMY:

  • My husband and I have been married for more than 30 years. We own a small business together. Several times a week he drinks at work and comes home feeling highly sexed.
  • His drunken state is a huge turnoff. When I turn down his offer of sloppy, drunk sex, he berates me, calls me names and retreats to another room where he engages in phone sex with women on sex sites. This lasts for hours. In the morning he looks quite unattractive to me. He is hung over and in his own world.

Continue reading “To Wife’s Dismay, Alcoholic Husband Regularly Uses Porn – Ask Amy Letter”

Women Who Dump Women Friends As Soon As They Get A Spouse or Boyfriend (Letter to Advice Columnist)

Women Who Dump Women Friends As Soon As They Get A Spouse or Boyfriend (Letter to Advice Columnist)

This is something that has always annoyed me, how single women friends will freeze out and ignore their other women friends as soon as they get a new boyfriend, or get married.

I’ve had a difficult time making friends since childhood (for several reasons, here are but a few):  I’ve been very introverted my entire life, and up until a few years ago, I had Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD), which is like shyness, but a hundred times worse and crippling. It interferes with forming relationships and with other areas of life.

Yet, I have managed to make a friend here or there in spite of it, usually with women.

When these women get a new boyfriend or a husband, they pretty much kick me to the curb. This has always bothered me.

I have one friend (via the internet, we’ve known each other for years) whose husband is in the military. I notice when he’s away on deployments, she writes me more often.

She tends to be more attentive to me when her husband is gone. When the husband blows back in town, I become second tier and don’t hear from her as much and/or not as promptly.

I understand when someone is in a romantic relationship it’s natural and normal to spend more time in that relationship than with one’s friends.

But the imbalance to this is astounding. Some people just barely keep their outside-the-marriage (or dating) relationships alive.

Sometimes it’s up to you, the single, unattached one, to keep the friendship going by reaching out, by being the one to initiate the phone calls and dinner dates. (And I really dislike this.)

(By the way, when I was engaged, I tried to still spend time with my single friends. I still went on movie and luncheon dates with them. I didn’t blow them off all because I was in a relationship with a guy. My ex was an idiot and a frustrating, self-absorbed douche canoe, and so there were times I preferred being with my lady friends, as opposed to being with him anyhow.)

And I hate that (being the one to keep the friendship alive, being the one to always initiate phone calls, movie dates, etc).

Not only am I an introvert – I’m not comfortable phoning people, and at that, to make social plans – but it’s not fair. I should not have to shoulder all, or most of, the friendship responsibilities. But you will usually end up in this position if you are single and friends with a married woman or a woman who is dating a guy.

By the way, this goes to show that another one of conservative Christianity’s tropes about marriage is not true: they maintain that being a married person makes a person more giving, mature, and loving than staying single.

And yet, it’s often the married persons who ignore everyone around them to focus primarily on their marital partner. This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as “greedy marriages.” I’ve blogged on that before (Link): here.

Anyway. I saw this letter today in the Hax advice column. In this situation, though, the female friend is already married or has a boyfriend when she is shoved aside on a vacation by her female friend for a man she meets on this trip.

On another point (before I get to the Hax letter below). I have read married women online say how lonely they are IN their marriage.

Their partner is either away on business all the time, or simply has lost interest in them.

They can sit in the same room as their husband and still feel all alone. I too experienced that in my relationship with my ex fiancee.

Then there are the (Link): articles about married men who develop dementia as young as their 40s, which in effect, leaves the wife all alone. The wives of these men end up being their nurses and caretakers, rather than friends and lovers, because the man is mentally incapable of being a friend any longer to the wife.

In light of the fact that your husband may not be a good friend to you, or may be incapable of it due to health reasons, it is wise for you (should you marry) to maintain your platonic friendships with men and women. You cannot or should not rely only on a spouse for attention and companionship.

Advice column (August 2015):

Dear Carolyn [Hax]:

  • I recently traveled with a woman who has been one of my best friends for eight years. On the trip, we barely spoke because she hooked up with a guy on our tour the first day and spent the rest of the tour with him.
  • This wouldn’t have bothered me so much if I hadn’t left my serious boyfriend behind because she has expressed for years how uncomfortable she is around couples. (It makes her wonder what she’s doing wrong and why she can’t find a serious boyfriend.) I also spent a lot of money for a “girls’ trip” with her.
  • I’ve spoken to her about it three times since, and her reaction has just made me feel worse.
  • She has said several times that she “didn’t even think about” how her actions could’ve made me feel. Her defense has been, “Well, you were getting along with the other people on the tour, so it’s not like you were alone with nobody to talk to.”
  • I was already feeling hurt and ignored, but her not even thinking about my feelings when I had taken active steps to be considerate of hers makes me feel that she’s a bit selfish.
  • Is there anything you can suggest to help mend the fence? I want our friendship to stay intact, but I can feel myself wanting distance from her.
  • (signed) Conflicted on Friendship
  • Hax replies:
  • Bummer, I’m sorry.
  • There are a few possible answers here — that her ditching you sans apology of course will affect your friendship; that her longtime romantic self-doubt gave her a forgivable blind spot; that if you value the eight years, you write off the one trip; I could go on.
  • But the answer I keep coming back to starts with a question: Why talk since the trip vs. during? And why three times vs. resolving this in one pass?
  • Example:
  • You: “When you spent the tour with Guy, I felt hurt and ignored.”
  • She: “Well, you were getting along with the other people on the tour.”
  • You: “That’s not the point. I spent big money for a ‘girl trip,’ your preference, and you ditched me! I’m still angry.”
  • She: “Why didn’t you say something then?!”
  • You: “You’re right — I’m sorry I didn’t speak up sooner.”
  • She: “Thank you. I am not sorry about Guy. You know I’ve been lonely, I thought you’d understand.”

  • You: “Maybe, if you had talked to me. We apparently both need to speak up next time. Please at least see why I’m angry.”
  • She: “I do, and we do.”
  • End scene.
  • And thus my answer, that the main (aptly, unspoken) theme of your story is lousy communication. You apparently stayed mum on the trip and later weren’t clear about wanting her to acknowledge your feelings — and she, for her part, didn’t ever ask, “Hey, do you mind?” on the tour and since then has been only defensive.
  • Any decision on the future of this friendship will be premature if you two first don’t figure out how to talk. Eight years is a long time without a real conflict of interest, but I suspect this is your first, and you were both caught unprepared.
  • So communicate now, and keep it simple: I’m your friend, I’m still upset, I’d just like that acknowledged. Dukes down. Good luck.

———————–

Related Posts:

(Link): Dear Abby: Teen Gets a Boyfriend, Snubs Her Old Pal 

(Link): Dear Abby: I’m Sick Of My Friend Always Venting About Her Marriage

(Link): Coronavirus: Even Married People With Children Die All Alone

(Link):  Evangelicals are Rethinking Freud, Friendship, and Sexuality by D J Brennan

(Link): Dear Therapist: It’s Hard to Accept Being Single by L. Gottlieb

(Link):  Joanne The Widow Lady Wants to Know Why God Didn’t Answer Her Prayer to Keep her Husband With Her

(Link):  A social psychologist reveals why so many marriages are falling apart and how to fix it (and a history of American marriage)

(Link):  Married People Who Find Themselves Single Again – Spouses With Dementia / Married People Who Are Lonely

(Link):  Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

(Link): How the Sexual Revolution Ruined Friendship – Also: If Christians Truly Believed in Celibacy and Virginity, they would stop adhering to certain sexual and gender stereotypes that work against both

(Link):  Hey Ed Stetzer: Opposite Gender Friendships Are Not Sinful – Ed Stetzer’s Advice: “Avoid Any Hint” – More Like: Re Enforce UnBiblical Stereotypes About Men, Women, Sex, and Singles

(Link):  Why Do We Feel So Lonely (via USA Today)

(Link):   Lonely People’s Brains Work Differently

(Link):   Why Lonely People Stay Lonely

(Link):   Sick of Being Single / Sick and Tired of Being Single Alone Unmarried Lonely

(Link):   The Biggest Threat To Middle-Aged Men: Loneliness

(Link):   When You Are Lonely In Your Marriage by K. Parsons

(Link):  Asking Too Much Of Marriage – Married People are Lonely

(Link):   Married Woman Says She’s Lonely Because Her Husband Works All The Time

(Link):   When You’re Married and Lonely by J. Slattery

(Link):   Settling Vs Being Lonely (letter to advice columnist)

(Link):   Why is it So Hard For Women to Make New Friends? by G. Kovanis

(Link): Dear Abby: Teen Gets a Boyfriend, Snubs Her Old Pal 

(Link):  Do Married Couples Slight Their Family Members as Well as Their Friends? / “Greedy Marriages”

Wife Suffers Increasing Pain From Man’s Verbal Attacks

Wife Suffers Increasing Pain From Man’s Verbal Attacks

There are advantages to being single. Like, not having to put up with a verbally or emotionally abusive spouse.

I have a family member who is verbally abusive as HELL, and this woman’s husband sounds a lot like my verbally abusive family member.

I agree with Abby’s advice, that the letter writer should contact a domestic abuse hotline. Domestic violence is not just about physical abuse, it can also be financial, emotional, or verbal.

Also, you cannot change a verbal abuser! I’ve read a lot on this subject. The only remedy is to cut off contact or limit contact with the person. If you are married to a verbal abuser, that may mean divorcing him.

(Link): Wife Suffers from Husband’s Verbal Attacks

  • DEAR ABBY: I have been married to “Ken” for 10 years. He is a successful business owner. It has been a struggle to stay married to him because he has control issues and when he doesn’t get his way, he begins a verbal assault on his victim — usually me.
  • He has no friends because he runs them off, claiming they did him wrong (not true), and his employees don’t like him and talk badly about him behind his back.
  • They stay because he pays well. He uses his money to control people.
  • I love Ken, and life can be normal at times, but once he thinks I’m getting out from under his thumb, his destructive behavior begins. He treats me like his worst enemy.

  • The pain is becoming unbearable. One minute he tells me he loves me, and the next he is punishing me for not coming home from the store on time.
  • I researched online and learned he has many of the traits of a narcissist. It scares me because he doesn’t know he has a problem. He thinks the rest of the world is messed up instead of him.

  • How can I approach him in a way that won’t send him over the edge? When I say anything to him he thinks is an attack, he comes back at me viciously. I don’t know whether to stay, hoping he’ll see the light one day, or get out before I’m emotionally damaged beyond repair.

  • – BROKEN IN TEXAS

  • DEAR BROKEN:

  • Your husband may have a personality disorder, but youare a victim of emotional and financial abuse. Much as you might want to, you can’t “fix” him because he appears to be comfortably in denial about having a problem. It is important, however, that you get some help for yourself.

  • Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline and talk to someone there about what has been going on (thehotline.org, (800) 799-7233). They can help you formulate a safe plan of escape, should you need one.

  • Next, consult a lawyer about what your rights are as a wife in the great state of Texas.

  • If you can find out what the marital assets are, do that as well — but do it quietly, because if your husband realizes, he will likely try to move/hide them or retaliate to get you back under his control. I don’t have to tell you how unhealthy his behavior is, but it may take your leaving to make him take a look at himself.

Elderly Remarried Dude Hung Up Over New Wife’s Two Ex Husbands – Past Relationship Actions Can Have Ramifications

Elderly Remarried Dude Hung Up Over New Wife’s Two Ex Husbands – Past Relationship Actions Can Have Ramifications

This guy, who is in his 60s, wrote to Hax, an advice columnist. He’s upset because his new wife has been married twice before and had a buttload of boyfriends to boot.

This is just another example of how past relationships and/or past sexual activity can in fact bother your current or possible future partners.

You can stamp your feet all day in protest and say, “That should NOT matter!! Your sweetie should totally forgive and overlook your past bedroom activities.”

Yes, you can feel that way and scream that, but that’s like saying something like, “Telephone poles, street lights, and trees should be made out of chocolate candy, and everyone in the world should be able to have a chocolate telephone pole, street light, and tree for free.”

Yes, that would be nice, but it’s not reality, is it?

July 2015 letter from a newly married guy to Hax:

Dear Carolyn (Hax):

  • My wife and I are newlyweds in our 60s. This is my second marriage. My first wife died after 20-plus years together. I had dated a few other women while in school and before meeting my new wife.
  • On the other hand, this is my wife’s third marriage in addition to a few relationships during the 15 years she was single.
  • I fear her eventually growing tired of me and leaving me. I feel like I’m always being compared to the other men in her past. What do I do to get past this?

    (signed) Insecure

—————————-

Related Posts:

(Link): Fornication or Previous Marriages Can Negatively Impact Other Relationships Later – Another Example or Two (via Ask Amy, Hax)

(Link):  Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example

(Link): Ramifications of Pre Martial Sex – Sky Diver Husband; Also: Stereotypes About All Men Wanting Sex Constantly and Being Visually Stimulated Disproven Again

Married Man in Sexless Marriage To A Woman Has Affairs With Another Married Man

Married Man in Sexless Marriage To A Woman Has Affairs With Another Married Man

There are times I’m glad I’ve never married. This is one of those times.

Also, this disproves the typical Christian propaganda that married people don’t sexually sin, and/or that married sex is SO great that married couples won’t want to boink other people.

(Link): Frustrated husband finds passion elsewhere

  • June 2015
  • Dear Amy: My wife and I have not had a physical relationship with one another in several years.
  • She seems to have completely lost interest. That has resulted in an accompanying slowdown of our emotional bond.

Continue reading “Married Man in Sexless Marriage To A Woman Has Affairs With Another Married Man”

Married Guy Feels Trapped, Depressed in Marriage to Fat, Lazy, Ingrate Wife / Study: Married People Fat, Single People Skinny

Married Guy Feels Trapped, Depressed in Marriage to Fat, Lazy, Ingrate Wife / 2015 Study: Married People Fat, Single People Skinny

There are several different things I could say about this married man’s letter to Dear Abby. I don’t know if I want to get into all of it or not.

Before I give you the letter, here are a few comments or other links pertaining to the guy’s letter.

I suppose I’ll start with his complaint that his wife weighs 300 pounds.

I saw a study the last week or so that says married people are fatter than singles. Hee hee.

(Link): Married People Are Fatter: Study

(Link):  Marriage and Weight Gain: Why Couples are Fatter Than Singles

  • by Catherine Griffin
  • Jun 29, 2015
  • Could marriage make you fat? That may just be the case, according to a new study. Scientists have compared couples to those who are single and have found that while couples eat better, they also weigh significantly more and do less exercise.

Continue reading “Married Guy Feels Trapped, Depressed in Marriage to Fat, Lazy, Ingrate Wife / Study: Married People Fat, Single People Skinny”

Fornication or Previous Marriages Can Negatively Impact Other Relationships Later – Another Example or Two (via Ask Amy, Hax)

Fornication or Previous Marriages Can Negatively Impact Other Relationships Later – Another Example or Two (via Ask Amy, Hax)

As I have noted on a previous occasion:

Some Christians – the ones who water-down the importance of staying a virgin until marriage – really feel that anyone who is a virgin past the age of 30 needs to give all the fornicators a break, and never hold their fornicatin’ pasts against them.

We virgins are supposed to just get over it already!, and just deal with the fact that most people we date have a sexual past. We’re supposed to be instantly forgiving, accepting, and cool with it.

Well, virgins past the age of 30 are not robots.

Some of us do in fact struggle to accept the fact that a current partner was married before, or had sex before meeting us. We can’t always flick our feelings on and off  like a light switch.

Here is another example of a woman who is struggling to accept that her partner was with someone else prior to her (this is just a fact of life – shaming this woman for holding this against her man is not going to magically make her feelings vanish).

I also saw a letter to an advice columnist a few days ago from a woman who married a guy. It was her first marriage, but the man’s second. This woman felt very hurt or upset that her husband had been married before. I don’t remember where I saw that letter, but if I can find it again, I will paste it in this post.

June 2015 letter to advice columnist Ask Amy:

Dear Amy:

  • I have been dating someone for a few months now.
  • We have one major sticking point.
  • He keeps in touch with every female he has ever had any kind of sexual contact with; and there are close to 20 (from exes to one-night stands).
  • Mostly he is connected through social media: Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat. I don’t do this with exes.

Continue reading “Fornication or Previous Marriages Can Negatively Impact Other Relationships Later – Another Example or Two (via Ask Amy, Hax)”

Elderly Dude Complains Wife’s Not Had Sex With Him For Seven Months. Oh cry me a river, pal.

Elderly Dude Complains Wife’s Not Had Sex With Him For Seven Months. Oh cry me a river, pal.

Sex with another person is a luxury, not a necessity, buddy.

Secondly, I’m over 40 and have never had sex – despite wanting to. I was waiting for marriage, marriage never happened, so you know, I generally do not have sympathy for morons like this who bitch and moan over missing sex for a few months.

There are people in the military who are apart from their spouses for a year or more, so this guy can just SHUT UP.

Also: this serves as another example that American evangelical Christians need to stop teaching sexual purity, chastity, and celibacy as though these issues only impact teen-agers or single adults.

Letter to Ask Amy, May 2015

  • DEAR AMY:
  • My wife and I have been married for more than 50 years. We are both in our 70s. About seven months ago, my wife stopped having sex with me. She has been ill and so have I. She said she can’t have sex until she is completely better. I have asked her if she still desires me and she said she does, but that we have to wait.
  • In all of our married years we have never gone so long without sex. It’s very frustrating for me. I’ve even started frequenting porn Web sites, which I’m ashamed of and never did before.
  • I feel ready and eager for intimacy and I don’t know what to do. She would never go to a therapist with this. We’re still tender to each other. I hug and kiss her when I’m leaving for a few hours to do errands. I love her very much. I am very frustrated and upset.
  • — An Old but Young Man

Selfish Married Woman Cheats on Husband Who Has Cancer, Goes Blind (Dear Abby)

Selfish Married Woman Cheats on Husband Who Has Cancer, Goes Blind (Dear Abby)

Married people sure are selfish sometimes.

This letter to Dear Abby blew me away.

I feel so bad for the husband (who is now deceased). Can you imagine being married to someone for 30 years, but your spouse spent all 30 years cheating on you, even though you were good to them, and you later developed cancer and went blind? I don’t think this woman ever really loved her husband.

That poor guy, in this lousy marriage. I wonder if he knew or suspected that his wife was having affairs and didn’t really love him?

How terrible – even if he didn’t know, this is still terrible. Why didn’t this bitch divorce him years before, so he could have been with a woman who would have loved him and appreciated him??

In light of stories like these, it’s time for Christians to stop teaching the utter lie that “marriage makes people mature, responsible, and more godly.” No, no it does not.

I’ve never married, but I would not treat someone the way this woman treated her husband.

  • DEAR ABBY:
  • My sister, “Margaret,” cheated on her husband for 30 years out of their 30-year marriage. Her husband had a visual impairment that led to blindness, and for the last 10 years he was completely dependent on her.
  • I’m the only one in the family she confided in about her affairs all these years. We’re both now in our 60s.
  •  Margaret’s husband died last year of cancer, and then her boyfriend left her because he wanted a real relationship and she did not. She was devastated about both events, but cannot let go of being rejected by her boyfriend.
  • I am sick and tired of hearing about this boyfriend and his and her choices. I never approved of how my sister lived her life. Margaret’s husband was a good man who would do anything for her. I recently suggested she speak to her grief counselor about this so she can find some peace in her life.
  • Now she tells me she has cut me completely out of her life, but she continues to send me nasty emails. She’s also bad-mouthing me to my brother and my children (who know nothing). How do I deal with this?
    — TIRED OF HER DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

Abby told this woman to tell the brother everything and to delete any and all future emails from the sister.

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Related Posts:

(Link): Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

(Link):   Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

(Link):  Married Virgin Asexual Woman Allows Her Husband To Have Sex with Other Women – Why Christians Need to Emphasize Sexual Self Control For Everyone, Not Just Teen Girls

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness

As a never-married lady, I get treated like garbage by evangelicals and Baptists – they assume anyone who hasn’t married past 25 or 30 (and yes, I am past the age of 30) is a man-hating feminist who worshipped career, or who is missing God’s design for women, and so on.

Yet, if I were married, I don’t think I’d start “spouse shopping” for Spouse #2 while still on spouse #1 because Spouse 1 has dementia.

But here are examples farther below of people who are thinking about it, or who have done so.

This belies the usual Christian and social conservative claim that marriage makes people more loving, mature, and giving.

(I am a social conservative myself, by the way – if you are a first time reader, you probably assume I am a secular, left wing feminist; not so! I am conservative but don’t always agree with how other conservatives go about things.)

Looks to me as though married people have a lower view of marriage than single (unmarried) people such as myself. Yet Christians keep making it out to be the reverse. Go figure.

One guy quoted below says before you judge him for wife shopping while his first wife was dying or sick, to walk a mile in his shoes.

I don’t think so, pal. I don’t think so.

Let me explain why I lack sympathy for that guy and find his argument uncompelling:

Continue reading “Selfishness: Thy Name Is Married People / Married People Think Their Spouse Having Alzheimer’s Gives Them A Pass to Spouse Shop or to Divorce or Have Affairs / Christians Over-Sell Marriage but Under-Sell Adult Singleness”

Single Woman Wants To Know Why She Keeps Picking Losers (Ask Amy)

Single Woman Wants To Know Why She Keeps Picking Losers (Ask Amy)

I related to this lady’s letter to Ask Amy on a few levels. One of which is, I’m an attractive person, educated, intelligent (though you can’t always tell on this blog, because I sometimes write casually or when I’m half asleep), but I can’t seem to attract quality guys (well, years ago I did have a few, but I had zero self esteem back then and did not feel deserving of a great catch).

I’ve also wondered how it is Losers get girlfriends or boyfriends so easily.

I don’t think my ex moved on very quickly after we broke up (I dumped him), but I’ve seen this play out with other people. I have seen people who are idiots, drug addicts, unattractive, whatever, get a new husband or boyfriend IMMEDIATELY after being dumped by someone, or dumping their ex.

Near as I can tell (and Amy agrees with this) is that people who get new sweeties pronto fast are usually not being picky or choosy.

My sister is like this. I’ve never known her to be single for long, but then, she picks different types of losers constantly (my sister will date any man who can fog up a mirror; if it breathes, she will date it), then she would phone our mother up to cry and ask why she couldn’t meet a decent man for a change. I never told her so, but it was because she kept picking losers.

If you want a winner, you will have to resign yourself to being single for weeks, months or years, because as the saying goes, a good man is hard to find. Dirt bags and losers, not so much, especially in this day of Internet, where male morons are a dime a dozen and will send you unsolicited “dick pics” on dating sites.

Letter to Ask Amy:

Dear Amy:

  • I’m a single, childless woman in my early 30s who seems to always attract the wrong men, and I keep wondering how to break this pattern.

Continue reading “Single Woman Wants To Know Why She Keeps Picking Losers (Ask Amy)”

Newlywed Hates His Wife (Ask Amy Letter)

Newlywed Hates His Wife (Ask Amy Letter)

There are times I am glad I never married. This is one of those times.

Also, after reading this, I can’t but help wonder how old this guy is. He sounds like he has the maturity of a 12 year old.

Letter to Ask Amy, January 2015,

  • DEAR AMY:
  • I’ve been married for two weeks and frankly I hate my wife. She is completely lazy and pays absolutely no attention to me. She was so nice when we were dating, but it was probably all just for show.
  • I come from a “richer type of family” and she comes from a “moderate to low-income family.” I feel kind of bad for her, but she is so pestering and obnoxious and she probably just married me for my money.
  • I can’t divorce her because we have a legal document stating that I must give her $70,000 if we separate or divorce, and I’m not that rich. When I signed the document, I figured that by the time we did divorce, if we divorced, I would have that type of money (from growing investments).
  • My parents are completely NOT on my side.
  • They keep telling me that it’s my fault (which I agree to some extent) and refuse to get involved.
  • — Bad Choice Maker

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Related:

(Link):  Married Man (who is 75 years old) Wants To Know If He Should Divorce Angry, Cheapskate, Bipolar Wife

(Link):  Man Divorces Wife Over Her Large Sexual Appetite

(Link): Husband is arrested in jogger’s death after he confessed to strangling the mother-of-two – Christian Teaching That Marriage Supposedly Makes People More Mature, Godly = BANTHA POODOO

People Who Complain Constantly About Their Spouses or Significant Others / Also: Self Absorbed Friends Who Talk Constantly About Themselves But Never Take An Interest in YOU

Yes, I can relate to this situation (see Ask Amy letter farther below), and one very closely related.

I was usually not in romantic relationships, didn’t get my first boyfriend til my late 20s, and even after I broke up with him, I still got an earful from female friends and family constantly about what a jerk their current husband is, or what a slime their ex was, I had friends gripe about boyfriends or long time live-in lovers.

Also had a friend in my college days who got married in a civil ceremony the year previous but who never shut up about the church ceremony she had planned in the fall of that year.

I had to listen to months of her babbling endlessly about her wedding plans, and I am not one of those women who enjoys hearing wedding minutia, and she would bore me for months (literally, this was weekly for four months) about how the flowers in the church were going to match her bridal veil and whatever.

The first two, three weeks of Wedding Talk did not bother me, but we are talking FOUR MONTHS STRAIGHT, and she NEVER asked me ABOUT ME.

My polite, vague hints to her that she was beating that topic to death fell on deaf ears, too.

Many women are totally self-absorbed (some men I’ve met as well) and never shut up about themselves, their job, how great – or how terrible – their marriage or dating relationship is.

I’ve usually been the quiet one in friendships and other relationships, I have been the listener.

And since most people are self absorbed twits, I’ve had to suffer in silence for hours, days or weeks, listening to these people complain non stop about what a jerk their husband (or boss or brother or whomever) is, and they never ask me about me, how I am doing.

Further, if I attempt to discuss myself, or a problem I’m having, they act bored by it, or open their mouth to make the conversation about them again the second I pause to take a breath. My ex fiance was like that, too. And he talked about himself constantly.

At this stage in my life, I am totally fed up with relationships like this.

I used to be super nice about it, but no more.

Now I am apt to tell someone that the friendship is lop-sided, they never take an interest in me, I’m tired of listening to them gripe constantly (or crow happily about their upcoming wedding plans) and I’m tired of it.

So I totally related to this letter-

Letter to Ask Amy:

  • DEAR AMY:
  • I can relate to “Frustrated” having to listen to her friend’s marital troubles, day after day.
  • I had the same situation with a dear friend.
  • I finally said to her, “Wendy, I don’t want to hear another word about it until you decide to do something (divorce).”
  • She stopped complaining and got a divorce.
  • — Finally Free
  • DEAR FINALLY:
  • Having a daily outlet for complaints can prevent people from doing what they need to do.

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Related Posts:

(Link):  I Was A Potted Plant. Woman Writes To Ask Amy: Husband’s Incessant Monologue – Reminds Me Of My Ex Fiance

(Link):   People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)

(Link):  People Really Hack Me Off  (Part 1) The Hypocritical, Constantly Angry, Christian Ingrate (ex friend of mine)

(Link): When Your Secrets Are Used Against You (Hax Advice Column) – sounds like one of my family members