Self-Absorbed Man Hi-Jacks Wedding Ceremony

Self-Absorbed Man Hi-Jacks Wedding Ceremony

There goes the stereotypical evangelical Christian propaganda that the reason you’re still single past the age of 30 is because you’re still too (insert one or more: selfish, immoral, irresponsible, immature, ugly) to get a spouse, and God won’t send you one ’til you get your stuff together.

Forget that. The idiot in this following story was proposing marriage to someone…

(Link): Self-Absorbed Man Hi-Jacks Wedding Ceremony

The Internet is (Link): straight-up livid about this egregious wedding etiquette offense, and you will be too.

A recent bride wrote in to (Link): Slate’s advice columnist Dear Prudence (a.k.a. Mallory Ortberg) about “John” ― her huband’s best friend, best man, and wedding officiant ― who had the audacity to propose to his longtime girlfriend and announce their pregnancy DURING the ceremony.

On top of that, “John” ― not his real name ― found other ways to make the rest of the day about him and his fiancée “Jane.” The bride explained:

Continue reading “Self-Absorbed Man Hi-Jacks Wedding Ceremony”

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)

(I got a notification from Word Press that today is this blog’s Seventh Year Anniversary. Yay me, I guess.)

My views about divorce have changed over the last two or three years. I still think people should take marriage seriously. I don’t think I want to spend much time in THIS post discussing those changes – I’ll try to keep this short.

I was raised in a Christian tradition that taught that adultery was the only reason a person could divorce and not be in sin. Suffice it to say, I used to sort of buy into that view, too, but that was when I was younger and a little more naive about relationships and people.

Take the letter below as an example. The woman’s husband had an affair, and on those grounds, a lot of Christians (not all, but many) would say she has a “biblical” right to divorce the dude. Other than the adultery, based on what the wife says, the husband sounds like an arrogant, uncaring, selfish jackass.

Continue reading “Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)”

Actor Supposedly Too Self-Absorbed to Get or Keep a Girlfriend

Actor Supposedly Too Self-Absorbed to Get or Keep a Girlfriend

I’m not sure if this is true or not – it comes via a celebrity site.

While some women can be very self-absorbed, I think this is more of a male tendency, because it is culturally supported.

Most of us American women are taught while still in childhood that it is selfish for us to get our own needs met, that we should only cater to the needs of those around us, and we should be really nurturing and supportive to those around us. Boys do not usually get this same sort of conditioning.

So, these boys grow into men who are accustomed to females catering to them and listening to them chatter away about themselves endlessly.

Most women are not happy with this, by the way.

We women grow to resent and loathe giving men un-reciprocated emotional support more and more the older we get.

A lot of our culture and god knows gender complementarian Christian churches advocate this view that women exist merely to serve, cheer on, and encourage men.

So, a lot of you men just assume a woman should be there for you, listen to you talk about yourself and your problems for hours on end, and offer words of support.

My ex fiance’ was certainly like this – he was very self absorbed and dominated all of our phone and in-person conversations, and never asked about me or how I was doing.

My ex expressed NO interest in me or my life, but he would sure expect me to sit and listen to him gab about him and his hobbies, job, etc, all the time. It was so very annoying.

I grind my teeth just thinking about all the times I sat there for an hour or longer listening to him go on and on about himself in phone calls or over dinner dates.

If you are a man who is dating around and you’re puzzled as to why you cannot get a girlfriend, it may just be because you are too self-absorbed and don’t show an interest in the women you are with.

You may be spending too much time talking about yourself and you don” ask the woman you’re with about her thoughts or about her life.

This actor they are discussing (who a lot of women find very sexy) played “Superman” in a few movies:

(Link): HENRY CAVILL: TOO FULL OF HIMSELF TO GET A GIRLFRIEND!

Playing Superman has clearly gone to the Brit actor’s head, pals say.

May 3, 2017, by R. Sanchez

Playing Superman has gone to Henry Cavill ’s head: The Brit actor is so full of himself, sources say, he’s having trouble finding a girlfriend.

Continue reading “Actor Supposedly Too Self-Absorbed to Get or Keep a Girlfriend”

Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You by H. Rose

Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You

I’m including the parts that remind me of my ex fiance’, who, aside from a certain family member of mine, is THE most self-absorbed person I’ve ever known or met. He never cared about my needs, but he expected me to meet HIS needs.

He also expected me to help him pay his bills (which I did on occasion), but he didn’t help me pay mine, when I fell on hard times. What a selfish, entitled jerk. But a lot of men are socialized by culture and their churches or parents to think this is normal – that the woman exists to meet the MAN’S needs, but he isn’t expected or required to reciprocate.

(Link): Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You by H. Rose

Excerpts:

…No one deserves to be taken advantage of, over-ruled or degraded. If your significant other is constantly tearing you down and causing you to dwell on negative emotions, leave the relationship.

You deserve the best. If your relationship contains any of these eight signs, seek help and get out of your relationship… fast!

It is all about your partners needs

Does your partner ever call to ask how your day went? Do they go out of their way to make sure you are genuinely doing OK? Do they ask you about the small details about your life? Continue reading “Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You by H. Rose”

Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane

Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Z. Zane

Here is the link:

(Link): Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane (excerpts farther below)

This piece was written by a man, and he might be a homosexual, based on the stock photo illustrating it, which shows a man walking down the street and laughing with another man – after skimming more of the article, yes, he appears to be homosexual (he talks about dating men).

If this guy is homosexual, I can say as a hetero woman, I related to most of what he wrote.

I am a recovering codependent – and it sounds to me as though the guy who wrote this page, Zane, is also a codependent, or was one at one time.

Codependency usually seems to affect women, but some men can be codependent also.

A lot of stereotypes women are expected to live out and uphold by churches, Christians (under “gender complementarian” or “biblical womanhood” teachings), and secular culture, are actually facets of codependency, and some examples of that are: being passive, compliant, thinking it’s selfish to put yourself first and get your own needs met, and so forth.

If you continually put the needs of another person ahead of your own, you will grow resentful of it eventually, and either explode in anger at the other person or break things off (such as seeking a divorce).

Continue reading “Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane”

A Comedian Started a ‘DeadDadTinder’ Instagram to Find Out if Men Actually Read her Dating Site Bio

A Comedian Started a ‘DeadDadTinder’ Instagram to find out if Men Actually Read her Dating Site Bio

Before I paste the link in and the excerpts, I wanted to say a few things.

In my years with online dating (I joined two or three sites and was a paying member of at least two for about a year), I did find that most men, most of the time, do NOT read a woman’s profile.

All most men do is look at the photo of the woman on the dating site and decide if they find her attractive enough to want to date. That is incredibly SEXIST, men. Knock that shit off pronto. Women can usually tell if you’ve actually read our profiles or not, and it’s annoying and insulting when we know you’re only contacting us based on our photos.

Regarding the link I am pasting into this post: I read of a similar experiment by another woman a few years ago. She put a bunch of weird stuff in one of her dating profiles, saying things like she’s a serial killer and so on, but men still wanted to date her ANYWAY.

She tried to make herself sound as dangerous, unglued, disturbed, and messed up and UN-dateable as possible, but most men just ignored her commentary to message her, based on her photo.

Continue reading “A Comedian Started a ‘DeadDadTinder’ Instagram to Find Out if Men Actually Read her Dating Site Bio”

Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison

Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison 

(Link): Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison

My comments about this subject, before copying some excerpts from the link above:

Another form of Male Entitlement: expecting the women around you to cheer you up, listen empathetically as you tell them about your problems. (Though other women can also be guilty of this at times, as I wrote of (Link): here).

In a (Link): much older post I wrote, where I linked to and excerpted an article from elsewhere, some guy in the article admitted that when he went to a local bar after a day at work, he enjoyed the female bartender more than the male ones, because any time he tried to talk about his problems (and receive empathy for his problems) from the males, the male bartenders would tell him to shut up and get over it.

However, when the lady bartender was on duty, she would listen to him and offer sympathy, he said. He relied on and appreciated her willingness to listen and respond with empathy.

My ex-fiance talked non-stop (as I wrote of (Link): here). He always wanted me to listen to him talk about his life, he never cared about mine, and he never asked about my views on anything. My ex expected me to stroke his ego and cheer him up in his ups and downs in life – but he was unwilling to do this for me.

My ex college friend made my mother’s death (Link): all about himself when I sent him notice of my mother’s passing. He talked about himself in his reply to me, instead of just doing what he should have and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”. This ex friend making everything about himself was a pattern for him.

Even before my mother died, my ex college friend would e-mail me and talk about himself – he would ask me a question or two about me, but when I would write back commenting on HIS life – as well as responding to his questions about my life – he would never comment on my replies ABOUT ME.

I got the feeling he was asking about me only out of a sense of politeness. I don’t think he really cared about me or what I was up to or what I was thinking.

While some women can be very self absorbed and can be emotional vampires (I’ve been friends with a few and am related to one), I think at least most women are aware that they’re doing this to another women (and women tend to be aware of how it can be draining to be someone’s emotional support), but men seem to have a blind spot in this area.

Continue reading “Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison”

Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal

Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal

And there are some whiny, cry-baby men who think THEY have single life harder – news flash, (Link): you don’t have it worse, men: men usually are not murdered by jealous women over turning down dates or proposals.

While I’d say that the root of this case involves a lot of misogyny and patriarchy, I think perhaps a small factor is an over-emphasis upon marriage.

Perhaps if cultures like this one were taught that being single and/or celibate are perfectly fine lifestyles to live, we wouldn’t see people feel so pressured to marry, and they would realize they can control their sexual urges. Therefore, women would not be killed for turning down dates, requests for sex, or marriage proposals.

You don’t have to be married, or have sex, to enjoy life or be happy and content. (I am not knocking a desire to be married, you realize, only saying if it does not happen for you, you will survive – and realize you can enjoy life without marriage or sex.)

Dollars to doughnuts that everyone in this news story was Muslim.

If so, I’d like to say again I see striking parallels between Islamic attitudes and behaviors towards women as I do from some gender complementarian or Quiverfull Christian groups, as well as sexist men and MRA (Men’s Rights Activists) groups – they all treat women like second-class citizens to be controlled by men and are considered to have value only in- so- far as they breed like rabbits and/or provide men with sex.

(Link): Pakistani woman dies after being set on fire for rejecting marriage proposal

  • By Azadeh Ansari and Sophia Saifi, CNN
  • Updated 11:47 AM ET, Thu June 2, 2016
  • Islamabad, Pakistan (CNN)- An 18-year-old Pakistani schoolteacher died Wednesday from injuries after her body was set on fire for refusing a marriage proposal, police said.
  • The perpetrators beat Maria Abbasi, then drenched her in petrol and set her body ablaze before leaving her for dead, her family members told CNN.
  • Continue reading “Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal”

    The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

    The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris

    I would also add to the list on the page I am linking to:

    Hetero Men who are seeking women on dating sites and apps: do not send women unsolicited penis photos; do not have anything mentioning sex on your profile, and do not mention (or joke about) sex in any of your “must have” lists on dating sites or any part of your profile.

    I don’t care if you are totally into sex and think sex is mucho importante in a relationship, any mention of sex (even if you think it’s funny to put vulgar jokes on your profile) is a turn-off (and / or creepy) to most women.

    You wait until you have been dating a person for awhile to bring sex up, and even then, you should be TASTEFUL about it, not crass or perverted or weird.

    (Link): The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile

    Excerpts:

    • They show up for dates looking nothing like their pictures. They tell long, rambling stories about their “psycho exes” or spend the entirety of the evening talking about their material possessions.
    • Men who date online never fail to surprise the women they meet, but they seem to be blissfully ignorant of the fact that they’re scaring people off.
    • With men now (Link): drastically outnumbering women on many dating apps, can guys afford to offend the few female users they might attract?
    •  

      Working with April Masini, a New York City-based relationship expert and psychotherapist, we analyzed responses from women who are currently active on the online dating scene.

    • Masini regularly offers dating advice to people of both genders through her website (Link): AskApril.com. She reviewed the lines women hate to see most on online dating profiles and gave her advice on how men can better phrase them.
    • 1. “No drama.”
    • By the time people join online dating sites, they’ve often had a wealth of experiences that include breakups, job transitions, and possibly even parenthood.

    Continue reading “The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris”

    Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel

    Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel

    It sure does seem that a lot of guys think they are owed sex.

    A lot of Christian men not only feel that they are entitled sex (once married), but both before and after marriage, they feel entitled to everything from women: they expect to have their egos stroked all the time, for instance.

    Do you Christian men who arrogantly expect women to uplift you and tell you how great you are, ever consider encouraging women in your lives, whether they are single or married?

    Women sometimes need or want some external validation, yet whiny men (including Christian ones) seldom consider giving any to women. They rudely assume God put women here only to meet men’s needs. Nope: it goes both ways.

    Women have needs too. Women have days or phases in their lives when they get tired, discouraged, worn down and could use a kind word or a helping hand.

    (Link):  Men Aren’t Etitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist fit at woman who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel

    Excerpts:

    • Even if he buys her dinner, even if she asks him out, even if she flirts—there’s no excuse for this behavior
    • …That he turned on a dime to insult her should tell us that he only saw her as an object he wanted available for his pleasure, whether to stroke his ego or stroke other body parts. The moment she rejects him, even though she doesn’t say a single negative thing toward him, he interprets that as pretty much the worst thing a woman could do to him. Her not wanting sex automatically means, in his mind, she’s basically an evil bitch who’s wasted his time.
    • Another obvious statement: her not wanting to have sex with him doesn’t automatically mean she didn’t like him, or didn’t have a good date. Maybe she did, maybe she didn’t, but by treating sex as the one and only arbiter of success, he turned what could have been a fun night into a nightmare.

    Continue reading “Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel”

    How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

    How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

    I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

    Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

    One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

    Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

    Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

    Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

    At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

    Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

    Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

    Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

    What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

    Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

    One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

    Here is a long excerpt from the review:

    (Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

    • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
    • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

      Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

      With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

      They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

      … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

      … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

      Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

    Things Married People Should Not Say to Singles (via Hax)

    This was published in an advice Hax column, December 2015.

    Advice from a single adult to married people (this was not written by me; it was written by a guest writer at the Hax column):

    ——————————————-

    On being single in a familial sea of marrieds:

    I highly recommend that those who are married consider the following do’s and don’ts before they spend time with only one single person (or very few).

    ●Do not monopolize the conversation with discussions of your kids.

    Being interested in keeping up with nieces, nephews and other relatives doesn’t mean wanting to hear a scene-by-scene description of little Sally’s role in the kindergarten play.

    Besides being mind-numbingly boring, it can be disheartening to hear someone else go on about their joy in raising a child when you may never experience it for yourself.

    ●Do engage single people in conversations about their own lives such as job/career, hobbies or travel.

    Continue reading “Things Married People Should Not Say to Singles (via Hax)”

    Jobless Mom Admits Letting Kids Go Hungry to Splash Benefits Cash on ‘Botched’ Boob Job

    Jobless Mom Admits Letting Kids Go Hungry to Splash Benefits Cash on ‘Botched’ Boob Job

    This story sure does nothing to support the usual Christian view and assumption that marriage and/or motherhood are necessary events in a woman’s life to make her mature, godly, and loving.

    (Link): Jobless Mom Admits Letting Kids Go Hungry to Splash Benefits Cash on ‘Botched’ Boob Job

    Continue reading “Jobless Mom Admits Letting Kids Go Hungry to Splash Benefits Cash on ‘Botched’ Boob Job”

    People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)

    People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)

    I had this friend who I shall call “Douglas” (not his real name) who I met while in college.

    This post will probably not be nearly as long as (Link): Part 1 of this series about the ingrate and hot head, Ellen (the other ex friend of mine).

    Doug is about four or five years older than I am.

    Doug is a devout Christian guy and a Republican. (Though he didn’t fixate on politics and go nuts about it the way Ellen did, who I mentioned in my last post.)

    Like almost everyone I am blogging about in this series, he was self absorbed.

    Continue reading “People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)”

    Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family (reminder: I myself am right wing)

    Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family

    For anyone who is new to this blog:

    I am conservative, I vote Republican, and don’t agree with Democrats and left wingers on many topics.

    I am NOT against traditional marriage or pro-creation.

    However, where I part company with many other conservative Christians and right wingers is their tendency to demonize anyone who does not happen (for whatever reason) to marry young, to not marry at all, or who do not have children.

    Right wingers and most Christians tend to make an idol out of marriage and the nuclear family, and I am opposed to that tendency.

    There is nothing wrong with marriage or the nuclear family.

    If you want to marry and have kids (I myself would like to marry), that is swell. Go for it.

    My problem is how other conservatives assume the worst of people who are, for whatever reason, whether by choice or by circumstance, single or childless.

    A few months ago, I found a bizarre article or two by a conservative Christians who blames HETERO SINGLE CHRISTIANS for the rise in homosexuality.

    Seriously. I have no idea how anyone can connect Christian hetero singles to more homosexuality, but they tried.

    Here is a link to that former page:

    Here is the new page, where DePaulo refutes the idea that hetero singles are causing the breakdown in family and culture.

    I agree with much of this editorial by DePaulo, and maybe disagree with only one or two points.

    (Link): Who’s Afraid of Single People? by B. DePaulo, October 2014

    • Who should be blamed for the supposed breakdown of family and community ties?
    • There are people who are very afraid of single people. I’m not just talking about the (Link): stereotype of single men as scary criminals (which, by the way, is a  myth (edit: I removed this link, it is to her book Singled Out on Amazon, you may visit Amazon to view it therel) and not a truth).
    • No, there are people who believe that the growing number of single people in America is a threat to our nation. Getting pinned on us single people are “the sharp decline of social trust and the breakdown of community ties.”

    Continue reading “Singles Advocate DePaulo Responds to Right Wing, Conservative Critics of Singlehood, Who Blame Singles For Breakdown of The Family (reminder: I myself am right wing)”

    Pro-Life, Yet Anti-Celibacy, Anti-Singleness, Anti-Childless Christian Site Tweets Story about Mother Who Slit New Born Infant Son’s Throat to Save Her Sex Life

    Pro-Life, Yet Anti-Celibacy, Anti-Childless Christian Site Tweets Story about Mother Who Slit New Born Infant Son’s Throat to Save Her Sex Life

    Hmm. I am pro-life. I sometimes follow pro-life feeds on Twitter, one of them, Life News, is apparently Catholic. I assume.

    Generally, your Catholics and conservative evangelical Protestant Christians, especially “gender complementarian” Christians, are opposed to celibacy and singleness.

    Oh sure, those groups might pay some amount of lip service to a person remaining single and celibate, but most of them assume that to truly be adult, mature, and godly, you must not only marry, but marry AND have children (and you must get married and have children at the ages and in the manner THEY deem most godly, see this link, which is on this blog).

    The current Pope has been on record the last two years as bashing adult singles, adult celibates, and adult childless / childfree. For additional information on that, as well as rebuttal’s to the Pope’s views, please see this link, this link, and this link.

    I once exchanged a few Tweets with whomever maintains the Life News Twitter account. I pointed out to that person that some of the material they link to at times is shaming to adult celibates like myself who have never married or had children.

    I further explained to the person at that Life News Twitter account that the God of the Bible nowhere shames or excludes adults for being single, being celibate, being childless or childfree. (Or, at least, any stigma about being childless was removed under the New Covenant.)

    The person at the account tried to reassure me that no, they don’t mean to shame or criticize singles or celibates – but the type of material they sometimes Tweet belies that claim.

    Today, I saw this story on Twitter, linked to via Life News:

    (Link):  Mom Killed Her Newborn Baby to Save Her Sex Life, Cut His Throat Minutes After Birth

    • May 2014
    • Now here is the terrible story of a young woman in Germany who killed her own newborn baby because she didn’t want to ruin her sex life by being a single mother. She cut his throat 30 minutes after her baby boy was born and then went to dance at a local disco.
    • Nadine Koenig, 20, from Regensburg, smothered her newborn son before killing him with a Stanley knife. Koenig concealed her pregnancy from her parents, gave birth at their home and, after she was arrested, her mother committed suicide. Later she dumped the body of her baby in the river.

    Now, that is a terrible story. It most certainly is.

    But it flies in the face of the common conservative Christian, both Protestant and Catholic view, (and sometimes secular view), that people are not true, caring, loving, mature, giving adults unless and until they pro-create.

    I have yet to see how giving birth automatically makes a woman more godly, loving, mature, or law-abiding than a woman who either cannot have children, or who chooses not to have any. Here is what I am not understanding.

    This Christian pro-life news site will rightly call this woman’s actions out as being selfish or wicked – but I have seen this same pro-life Twitter account publish links in their tweets to editorials by Protestant Christians who shame and criticize adults for staying single, celibate, and/or childless or childfree, or for delaying or skipping marriage, as though childless, childfree, celibate, or single people are immature, selfish, or terrible (please see this link for more about that) What universe would you rather live in:

    1. one where women, moments after giving birth, slit the throat of their son (and at that, to “save their sex life” and to attend a disco party), or

    2. one where women simply do not have children for whatever reasons (ergo, they are not abusing children – one cannot abuse children who do not exist)?

    It is evil to give birth and then slit the throat of the baby – it is not evil or wrong for a woman to refrain from getting pregnant in the first place.

    Yet, some of these conservative Christians treat the two situations as though they are morally equivalent. Conservative Christians behave as though being single and childless or childfree is just as bad or evil as murdering an infant.

    There are some women who want to get pregnant, but they cannot, because they believe in getting married first; they cannot, or believe they should not, due to moral reasons, raise a baby without a husband.  These women often get the short end of the stick in these conversations.

    I just have a difficult time wrapping my head around the cognitive dissonance concerning people who feel that a woman slitting her baby’s throat is a sin, and yet, so too, they feel, it is a sin for a woman who cannot or who does not marry, or who cannot or does not get pregnant in the first place.

    And yes, the spokespersons of these sites will SAY and CLAIM they do not denigrate singleness, if they are asked straight out about it, but they do actually denigrate singleness and celibacy – because they are operating under the Old Testament, Genesis “Be fruitful” mindset, which assumes that God COMMANDS all people, even in this day and age, to marry and to have children, and so they will shame you and criticize you for not marrying or for not pro-creating, though under Christ, this was repealed. (See this post for more on that, and the links on that post, under the “Related posts” section).

    I find it deplorable that some of these conservative Christian groups basically consider women who remain single, virgins, or celibate and childless, to be the same as women who murder their infants. They put both categories of women in the same group.

    Both groups are derided as living life wrong, of being selfish, in error, and as displeasing to God.

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    Edit. Every time I have edited this post since I first published it, to add new links or fix mistakes, Word Press messes up the formatting, and it deletes the “Related Posts” section.

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    Related Posts:

    (Link):  Are Marriage and Family A Woman’s Highest Calling? by Marcia Wolf – and other links that address the Christian fallacy that a woman’s most godly or only proper role is as wife and mother

    (Link): Hypocrisy: Conservative Christians / Catholics Pressure Women To Feel Their Only Worth is in Becoming Mothers, But If Women Try to Use Medical Technology to Get Pregnant, the Women Are Condemned by The Same Groups

    (Link):  Pro-Life Groups Pit Abortion Against Animal Cruelty – How Much People Care Outrage

    (Link):  “Who is my mother and who are my brothers?” – one of the most excellent Christian rebuttals I have seen against the Christian idolatry of marriage and natalism, and in support of adult singleness and celibacy – from CBE’s site

    (Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

    (Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t

    (Link):  The Rise of the Lone She-Wolf by Charlotte Alter

    (Link): Is The Church Failing Childless Women? by Diane Paddison

    (Link): Lies The Church Tells Single Women (by Sue Bohlin)

    (Link): Do You Rate Your Family Too High? (Christians Who Idolize the Family) (article)

    (Link): The Isolating Power of Family-Centered Language (How churches exclude singles and the childless) by E A Dause

    (Link): Why all the articles about being Child Free? On Being Childfree or Childless – as a Conservative / Right Wing / Christian

    Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

    Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People

    (Link): Interview With a Married Woman Who Takes Lovers on the Side

    This interview reminds me of the post I did a couple of days ago, about married people who do not want you judging them for having affairs on, or divorcing from, or spouse shopping for, a new spouse while their original spouse (who they are still married to) is wasting away from Alzheimer’s. I find that sick and immensely selfish.

    Here is a married woman whose husband has some kind of medical issues which makes him relatively incapable or uninterested in having sex (or certain types of sex acts; her interview was not completely clear on this, far as I could tell and remember). So, she joined Ashley Madison, a site where married people can find other married people to boink.

    This woman describes promiscuous behavior in her post but then says it’s not promiscuous. This is truly baffling.

    Here is an excerpt from the page:

    • [The interviewer asks her] Do you consider yourself promiscuous? Monogamous?
    • Socially monogamous. We’re the most boring, basic couple on the surface. I don’t consider myself really promiscuous. It’s not like I’m out there screwing any man I come across because I can. I’ve slept with less men than my single girlfriends who date, have casual sex, or the occasional one night stand (for the record I don’t consider those friends promiscuous either).

    Later in the interview, this woman says,

    • I see about six guys (two fairly regularly, as in once every month or so), the rest I will maybe see once or twice a year.

    If this woman does not consider all this extra-marital boinking on her part -with six to more men, no less, which is a lot- or her friends numerous one-night stands NOT promiscuous, one is hard pressed to understand how this woman would understand the word “promiscuous.”

    Seriously. I would be interested in hearing how she defines the word “promiscuous,” since she does not seem to even realize there is such a thing.

    Here is one online definition of the word “promiscuous” via dictionary.reference.com:

    • characterized by or involving indiscriminate mingling or association, especially having sexual relations with a number of partners on a casual basis.

    From Merriam-Webster.com:

    • having or involving many sexual partners

    According to these dictionary definitions, yes, this woman in the interview is promiscuous.

    According to most everyday people, she is promiscuous. Certainly according to the Bible, this woman’s sexual behavior is promiscuous.

    That her husband knows about her affairs does not make the affairs acceptable or ethical; adultery is adultery, whether one has one’s spouse’s permission or not.

    I’ve said it before, but, Christians need to stress that sexual purity applies to married people of both genders, not only for college kids and not only for teen-aged girls, as they often do. Christians normally stress sexual purity only for teen girls and other people under the age of 25.

    Continue reading “Married Woman Rationalizes Her Extra-Martial Affairs – Selfishness, Thy Name is Married People”

    States start to crack down on parents ‘re-homing’ their adopted kids

    States start to crack down on parents ‘re-homing’ their adopted kids

    But conservative Christians say that the mere act or state of being a parent makes a person more loving, giving, mature, and godly!

    We child-free / childless adults are supposedly, as the conservative thinking goes (I am a conservative myself but realize that some conservatives are horribly wrong on some issues), such reckless, irresponsible, self centered jerks. I guess not.

    Here’s another example which goes to show that being a parent does not make a person more godly, giving, or mature:

    (Link):  States start to crack down on parents ‘re-homing’ their adopted kids

    • Among pet owners, “re-homing” an unwanted dog or cat is a relatively straightforward process. The owner who seeks an alternative home often places an ad on the Internet, and a private transaction occurs that moves the pet to a new family.
    • But with the rise of foreign adoptions of children and the inability of some parents to handle troubled youths, more and more desperate families are taking that approach with adopted youngsters and re-homing the children with strangers. Often those re-homed children report gruesome tales of physical, sexual or emotional abuse by their new guardians.
    • The process of re-homing has been largely unregulated—no federal laws prohibit the exchange of unwanted adopted kids. Most states allow private adoptions, but the processes vary widely and oversight is limited. In most cases, re-homing may be executed by a simple power-of-attorney letter or a notarized statement without government authorities or even any lawyers vetting the new parents.Family lawyers are taking note. Re-homing “has only fairly recently come to public attention,” says Tucson, Arizona, child welfare and custody lawyer Ann Haralambie. “Re-homing is not regulated; there’s no legal framework to address it. It’s mostly an underground affair.”

      By contrast, if adoption through a legal agency fails before it’s legally final, the child can be returned to the agency in what’s referred to as “disrupted adoption,” according to McGeorge School of Law professor John Myers, author of Experiencing Family Law. The national rate of disruption is 10 to 20 percent. Since re-homing is done privately, there are no statistics monitoring the number of failed adoptions.

    • “Kids shouldn’t be in want ads like: ‘Our dog just had puppies. Want one for free?’ ” adds Haralambie, a former chair of the ABA Family Law Section’s Juvenile Law and Needs of Children Committee. “That’s precisely where people like the mentally ill and pedophiles go to get children. At best, it’s abandonment, and at worst, it’s human trafficking.”
    • Many parents of adopted children are desperate. Serious problems erupt when agencies don’t screen potential adoptive parents or the child’s special needs aren’t disclosed. Often, those needs result from neglect or mistreatment by birth parents or at overloaded orphanages.

      Both domestically and internationally there’s woefully slim pre-adoption training and post-adoption support. As a result, some kids may end up destroying property, becoming violent and resisting nurturing by their new parents.