The Fear of Male Birth Control
A Podcast is on this page:
(Link): The Fear of Male Birth Control
What’s keeping men from sharing more of the burden?
The Fear of Male Birth Control
A Podcast is on this page:
(Link): The Fear of Male Birth Control
What’s keeping men from sharing more of the burden?
An Update On My Self-Absorbed Ex Friend “Doug” – The Friend Who Made My Mother’s Death All About Himself
Here is the background on this post – if you want to know more about Doug (not his real name), and why I am angry at Doug, please see this previous post for the details:
(Link): People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine named “Doug”)
The very, very short of that post is that…
Doug was a Christian guy who is very self-absorbed, ever since I knew him back in our twenties when we went to college together, and he later made my mother’s death all about him.
He sent me an insensitive reply to my e-mail telling everyone on my e-mail account that my mother had passed, and I had sent this e-mail within a few days of the funeral.
He wrote back to send me a very chipper, upbeat response going on and on about how great his life was going.
“Doug” didn’t care about me or what I was going through. He didn’t hardly comment on my mother’s passing – his e-mail reply was mainly about him, him, him, and him.
For the next two to three years, I stopped all contact with Doug, until I finally sent him a link to a page about how NOT to talk to someone in grief.
I told him in that e-mail he was guilty of doing to me what that page said NOT to do.
Doug wrote back, defended himself, dug his heels in, and he actually had the audacity to lecture me on how he thinks I should be handling and reacting to my own mother’s death.
(At that point in time, he had not even lost anyone close to him, so he was in no place to offer such condescending advice.)
I wrote him back, chewed him out over that, and told him never to write me again.
I heard from Doug (not his real name) a few weeks ago (July 2018, or maybe late June).
He sent me some kind of private request on Facebook.
It was not a friend request, but some kind of request to talk to me privately on Facebook’s messenger system or something.
There was an “accept” and a “decline” button attached to that notification.
My Fiancé Postponed our Wedding, Secretly Bought a House—and Told me I Could Pay Rent By Quentin Fottrell
What a jerk-face loser.
(Link): My fiancé postponed our wedding, secretly bought a house—and told me I could pay rent By Quentin Fottrell
They were due to get married on April 18, but he delayed the wedding and bought a house instead
I have never been married or bought a home before. The guy I am with said we would marry on April 18.
He then decided to delay and buy a foreclosure and told me this all on April 16.
I was shocked, to say the least. He owns a home already and said that he did not plan to put me on the mortgage or deed even after we were married. I, again, was in shock. He said I could just pay some of the bills and “rent” to him.
Thoughts on the NRO Essay “Advice For Incels” by Kevin D. Williamson
About me and this blog:
If you are new to my blog: I have been a conservative my entire life. I’ve never voted Democrat. I was a Republican until a few years ago. I am no longer in any political party.
I sometimes critique secular, left wing feminists on my blog (such as but not limited to (Link): this post and (Link): this one), but there are times when I believe other conservatives get feminists wrong, and feminists are actually correct on some issues.
I was brought up in a traditional values, conservative, Christian family where my parents brought me to Southern Baptist churches as I was growing up, where I was taught to believe in gender complementarianism, which I did for many years, until I finally realized how (Link): wrong and sexist complementarianism is.
Because I grew up as a complementarian, I am quite familiar with what they think and why they think as they do.
My current religious beliefs are somewhat “up in the air,” as I am waffling between being agnostic, (or a deist), and the Christian faith. (Note: I am not an atheist.)
I am by no means anti- Nuclear Family, anti- motherhood, or anti- marriage, though I do posit that many to most conservatives – especially the religious ones – have gone to un-biblical lengths and have turned the Nuclear Family, marriage, natalism, and motherhood and fatherhood into idols which is wrong of them.
— end introduction to me and this blog —
I saw a link to this essay go through my Twitter feed today:
(Link): Advice for Incels by Kevin D. Williamson
On one level, this essay – “Advice for Incels” was okay.
However, I think that while the guy who wrote it has his heart in the right place, I think he gets a lot of things wrong and is naive about how Baptist and conservative Protestant and evangelical churches are for adult singles.
I’ve spent the last several years on this blog covering these topics – I’d encourage Williamson and anyone who read his NRO piece to read the books (Link): “Singled Out” by Field and Colon and “Quitting Church” by Christian author Julia Duin for even more information.
Five Signs The Person You Are Dating Is Using You by L. Rose
I’m only going to provide excerpts, so if you want to see all five reasons, please use the link to visit their page.
Here’s what you need to look out for.
And actually, feeling good with the person is also a sign that you are not being used.
The person you’re with should build you up, make you feel happy and like life is better than it is without them.
When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Sexual Desires by S. Gregoire
This belies the usual Christian commentary that if a person just reserves sex for marriage, that the marriage will be great, frequent, etc. The truth is I regularly see letters to editors by married women who are dissatisfied with their husband’s sexual performance in the bedroom. Another example:
(Link): When Your Husband Doesn’t Care About Your Sexual Desires by S. Gregoire
What do you do if your husband isn’t interested in hearing your sexual fantasies or desires–let alone acting on them?
…In a healthy marriage, spouses care about the other person’s pleasure and desires.
…When we make sex only about one person’s experience, though, then we’re totally erasing what God said sex was for. Sex is not just about meeting a man’s sexual needs; sex is about helping both of you feel super close.
So why do so many people seem to only focus on their own sexual needs?
Some people think that their experience of sex is the only right one
It may not be that they’re entirely selfish. It may honestly be that they don’t understand how their spouse works sexually.
Self-Absorbed Man Hi-Jacks Wedding Ceremony
There goes the stereotypical evangelical Christian propaganda that the reason you’re still single past the age of 30 is because you’re still too (insert one or more: selfish, immoral, irresponsible, immature, ugly) to get a spouse, and God won’t send you one ’til you get your stuff together.
Forget that. The idiot in this following story was proposing marriage to someone…
The Internet is (Link): straight-up livid about this egregious wedding etiquette offense, and you will be too.
A recent bride wrote in to (Link): Slate’s advice columnist Dear Prudence (a.k.a. Mallory Ortberg) about “John” ― her huband’s best friend, best man, and wedding officiant ― who had the audacity to propose to his longtime girlfriend and announce their pregnancy DURING the ceremony.
On top of that, “John” ― not his real name ― found other ways to make the rest of the day about him and his fiancée “Jane.” The bride explained:
Go to Counseling to Deal With that Man-Child You Married (Hax Column)
(I got a notification from Word Press that today is this blog’s Seventh Year Anniversary. Yay me, I guess.)
My views about divorce have changed over the last two or three years. I still think people should take marriage seriously. I don’t think I want to spend much time in THIS post discussing those changes – I’ll try to keep this short.
I was raised in a Christian tradition that taught that adultery was the only reason a person could divorce and not be in sin. Suffice it to say, I used to sort of buy into that view, too, but that was when I was younger and a little more naive about relationships and people.
Take the letter below as an example. The woman’s husband had an affair, and on those grounds, a lot of Christians (not all, but many) would say she has a “biblical” right to divorce the dude. Other than the adultery, based on what the wife says, the husband sounds like an arrogant, uncaring, selfish jackass.
Actor Supposedly Too Self-Absorbed to Get or Keep a Girlfriend
I’m not sure if this is true or not – it comes via a celebrity site.
While some women can be very self-absorbed, I think this is more of a male tendency, because it is culturally supported.
Most of us American women are taught while still in childhood that it is selfish for us to get our own needs met, that we should only cater to the needs of those around us, and we should be really nurturing and supportive to those around us. Boys do not usually get this same sort of conditioning.
So, these boys grow into men who are accustomed to females catering to them and listening to them chatter away about themselves endlessly.
Most women are not happy with this, by the way.
We women grow to resent and loathe giving men un-reciprocated emotional support more and more the older we get.
A lot of our culture and god knows gender complementarian Christian churches advocate this view that women exist merely to serve, cheer on, and encourage men.
So, a lot of you men just assume a woman should be there for you, listen to you talk about yourself and your problems for hours on end, and offer words of support.
My ex fiance’ was certainly like this – he was very self absorbed and dominated all of our phone and in-person conversations, and never asked about me or how I was doing.
My ex expressed NO interest in me or my life, but he would sure expect me to sit and listen to him gab about him and his hobbies, job, etc, all the time. It was so very annoying.
I grind my teeth just thinking about all the times I sat there for an hour or longer listening to him go on and on about himself in phone calls or over dinner dates.
If you are a man who is dating around and you’re puzzled as to why you cannot get a girlfriend, it may just be because you are too self-absorbed and don’t show an interest in the women you are with.
You may be spending too much time talking about yourself and you don” ask the woman you’re with about her thoughts or about her life.
This actor they are discussing (who a lot of women find very sexy) played “Superman” in a few movies:
Playing Superman has clearly gone to the Brit actor’s head, pals say.
May 3, 2017, by R. Sanchez
Playing Superman has gone to Henry Cavill ’s head: The Brit actor is so full of himself, sources say, he’s having trouble finding a girlfriend.
Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You
I’m including the parts that remind me of my ex fiance’, who, aside from a certain family member of mine, is THE most self-absorbed person I’ve ever known or met. He never cared about my needs, but he expected me to meet HIS needs.
He also expected me to help him pay his bills (which I did on occasion), but he didn’t help me pay mine, when I fell on hard times. What a selfish, entitled jerk. But a lot of men are socialized by culture and their churches or parents to think this is normal – that the woman exists to meet the MAN’S needs, but he isn’t expected or required to reciprocate.
(Link): Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You by H. Rose
…No one deserves to be taken advantage of, over-ruled or degraded. If your significant other is constantly tearing you down and causing you to dwell on negative emotions, leave the relationship.
You deserve the best. If your relationship contains any of these eight signs, seek help and get out of your relationship… fast!
…It is all about your partners needs
Does your partner ever call to ask how your day went? Do they go out of their way to make sure you are genuinely doing OK? Do they ask you about the small details about your life? Continue reading “Eight Obvious Signs Your Partner is Taking Advantage of You by H. Rose”
Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Z. Zane
Here is the link:
(Link): Being ‘Selfish’ in My Dating Was the Best Decision I Could Have Made by Zachary Zane (excerpts farther below)
This piece was written by a man, and he might be a homosexual, based on the stock photo illustrating it, which shows a man walking down the street and laughing with another man – after skimming more of the article, yes, he appears to be homosexual (he talks about dating men).
If this guy is homosexual, I can say as a hetero woman, I related to most of what he wrote.
I am a recovering codependent – and it sounds to me as though the guy who wrote this page, Zane, is also a codependent, or was one at one time.
Codependency usually seems to affect women, but some men can be codependent also.
A lot of stereotypes women are expected to live out and uphold by churches, Christians (under “gender complementarian” or “biblical womanhood” teachings), and secular culture, are actually facets of codependency, and some examples of that are: being passive, compliant, thinking it’s selfish to put yourself first and get your own needs met, and so forth.
If you continually put the needs of another person ahead of your own, you will grow resentful of it eventually, and either explode in anger at the other person or break things off (such as seeking a divorce).
A Comedian Started a ‘DeadDadTinder’ Instagram to find out if Men Actually Read her Dating Site Bio
Before I paste the link in and the excerpts, I wanted to say a few things.
In my years with online dating (I joined two or three sites and was a paying member of at least two for about a year), I did find that most men, most of the time, do NOT read a woman’s profile.
All most men do is look at the photo of the woman on the dating site and decide if they find her attractive enough to want to date. That is incredibly SEXIST, men. Knock that shit off pronto. Women can usually tell if you’ve actually read our profiles or not, and it’s annoying and insulting when we know you’re only contacting us based on our photos.
Regarding the link I am pasting into this post: I read of a similar experiment by another woman a few years ago. She put a bunch of weird stuff in one of her dating profiles, saying things like she’s a serial killer and so on, but men still wanted to date her ANYWAY.
She tried to make herself sound as dangerous, unglued, disturbed, and messed up and UN-dateable as possible, but most men just ignored her commentary to message her, based on her photo.
Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison
(Link): Why Women Are Tired: The Price of Unpaid Emotional Labor by C. Hutchison
My comments about this subject, before copying some excerpts from the link above:
Another form of Male Entitlement: expecting the women around you to cheer you up, listen empathetically as you tell them about your problems. (Though other women can also be guilty of this at times, as I wrote of (Link): here).
In a (Link): much older post I wrote, where I linked to and excerpted an article from elsewhere, some guy in the article admitted that when he went to a local bar after a day at work, he enjoyed the female bartender more than the male ones, because any time he tried to talk about his problems (and receive empathy for his problems) from the males, the male bartenders would tell him to shut up and get over it.
However, when the lady bartender was on duty, she would listen to him and offer sympathy, he said. He relied on and appreciated her willingness to listen and respond with empathy.
My ex-fiance talked non-stop (as I wrote of (Link): here). He always wanted me to listen to him talk about his life, he never cared about mine, and he never asked about my views on anything. My ex expected me to stroke his ego and cheer him up in his ups and downs in life – but he was unwilling to do this for me.
My ex college friend made my mother’s death (Link): all about himself when I sent him notice of my mother’s passing. He talked about himself in his reply to me, instead of just doing what he should have and said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”. This ex friend making everything about himself was a pattern for him.
Even before my mother died, my ex college friend would e-mail me and talk about himself – he would ask me a question or two about me, but when I would write back commenting on HIS life – as well as responding to his questions about my life – he would never comment on my replies ABOUT ME.
I got the feeling he was asking about me only out of a sense of politeness. I don’t think he really cared about me or what I was up to or what I was thinking.
While some women can be very self absorbed and can be emotional vampires (I’ve been friends with a few and am related to one), I think at least most women are aware that they’re doing this to another women (and women tend to be aware of how it can be draining to be someone’s emotional support), but men seem to have a blind spot in this area.
Woman Burned To Death For Refusing Marriage Proposal
And there are some whiny, cry-baby men who think THEY have single life harder – news flash, (Link): you don’t have it worse, men: men usually are not murdered by jealous women over turning down dates or proposals.
While I’d say that the root of this case involves a lot of misogyny and patriarchy, I think perhaps a small factor is an over-emphasis upon marriage.
Perhaps if cultures like this one were taught that being single and/or celibate are perfectly fine lifestyles to live, we wouldn’t see people feel so pressured to marry, and they would realize they can control their sexual urges. Therefore, women would not be killed for turning down dates, requests for sex, or marriage proposals.
You don’t have to be married, or have sex, to enjoy life or be happy and content. (I am not knocking a desire to be married, you realize, only saying if it does not happen for you, you will survive – and realize you can enjoy life without marriage or sex.)
Dollars to doughnuts that everyone in this news story was Muslim.
If so, I’d like to say again I see striking parallels between Islamic attitudes and behaviors towards women as I do from some gender complementarian or Quiverfull Christian groups, as well as sexist men and MRA (Men’s Rights Activists) groups – they all treat women like second-class citizens to be controlled by men and are considered to have value only in- so- far as they breed like rabbits and/or provide men with sex.
The Worst Things a Man Can Say in His Online Dating Profile by S. Farris
I would also add to the list on the page I am linking to:
Hetero Men who are seeking women on dating sites and apps: do not send women unsolicited penis photos; do not have anything mentioning sex on your profile, and do not mention (or joke about) sex in any of your “must have” lists on dating sites or any part of your profile.
I don’t care if you are totally into sex and think sex is mucho importante in a relationship, any mention of sex (even if you think it’s funny to put vulgar jokes on your profile) is a turn-off (and / or creepy) to most women.
You wait until you have been dating a person for awhile to bring sex up, and even then, you should be TASTEFUL about it, not crass or perverted or weird.
Working with April Masini, a New York City-based relationship expert and psychotherapist, we analyzed responses from women who are currently active on the online dating scene.
Men Aren’t Entitled to Sex: Crybaby Guy Throws Racist Fit at Woman Who Politely Refuses to Hook up by R K Bussel
It sure does seem that a lot of guys think they are owed sex.
A lot of Christian men not only feel that they are entitled sex (once married), but both before and after marriage, they feel entitled to everything from women: they expect to have their egos stroked all the time, for instance.
Do you Christian men who arrogantly expect women to uplift you and tell you how great you are, ever consider encouraging women in your lives, whether they are single or married?
Women sometimes need or want some external validation, yet whiny men (including Christian ones) seldom consider giving any to women. They rudely assume God put women here only to meet men’s needs. Nope: it goes both ways.
Women have needs too. Women have days or phases in their lives when they get tired, discouraged, worn down and could use a kind word or a helping hand.
How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi
I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.
Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.
One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.
Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.
Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.
Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.
At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.
Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.
Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.
Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.
What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”
Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.
One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.
Here is a long excerpt from the review:
(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker
Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.
Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.
With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.
They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.
… She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and(Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…
… Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.
This was published in an advice Hax column, December 2015.
Advice from a single adult to married people (this was not written by me; it was written by a guest writer at the Hax column):
On being single in a familial sea of marrieds:
I highly recommend that those who are married consider the following do’s and don’ts before they spend time with only one single person (or very few).
●Do not monopolize the conversation with discussions of your kids.
Being interested in keeping up with nieces, nephews and other relatives doesn’t mean wanting to hear a scene-by-scene description of little Sally’s role in the kindergarten play.
Besides being mind-numbingly boring, it can be disheartening to hear someone else go on about their joy in raising a child when you may never experience it for yourself.
●Do engage single people in conversations about their own lives such as job/career, hobbies or travel.
Jobless Mom Admits Letting Kids Go Hungry to Splash Benefits Cash on ‘Botched’ Boob Job
This story sure does nothing to support the usual Christian view and assumption that marriage and/or motherhood are necessary events in a woman’s life to make her mature, godly, and loving.
People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)
(July 2018 update below)
I had this friend who I shall call “Douglas” (not his real name) who I met while in college.
This post will probably not be nearly as long as (Link): Part 1 of this series about the ingrate and hot head, Ellen (the other ex friend of mine).
Doug is about four or five years older than I am.
Doug is a devout Christian guy and a Republican. (Though he didn’t fixate on politics and go nuts about it the way Ellen did, who I mentioned in my last post.)
Like almost everyone I am blogging about in this series, he was self absorbed.
Continue reading “People Really Hack Me Off (Part 2) The Clueless Christian Who Likes To Send You Upbeat Updates About Himself In Reply To Your Announcement of Your Mother’s Death (ex friend of mine)”