Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore

Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore

~INTRODUCTION (the letter from the sexless marriage lady to the therapist is below)~
Even today, some Christians run around (from what I’ve seen online) making this bogus promise that if people just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be great, and it will be regular.
(This is something Christians did back in the 1980s and 1990s, and they are still doing this today in 2021 – maybe not as much(?), but it definitely still happens on occasion.)

A lot of Christians (and secular conservatives) shame and insult adults who do not have children. They have this false Gospel that The Nuclear Family will save mankind – as in culture, a nation, etc (parenthood and marriage are also included in this).

Well, every so often, I see people write in to advice columnists to say they are in sexless marriages, and quite a few of them say they are unhappy being in a sexless marriage.

Even more interesting is that many of those writing in to the columnists are WOMEN.
As in, these women like sex and want to be having more sex, but their husband, for whatever reason, is totally not into having sex.
Why mention this? Because a lot of idiot Gender Complementarian Christians have this false stereotype that women don’t want sex – they think only men want sex.

Just keep all that in mind as you are reading this, and please check out the links at the bottom, under “Related Posts.”

(Link): Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore

Excerpts:

by L. Gottlieb
June 22, 2019

“I miss the closeness we had before our baby was born.”

Dear Therapist,

[Woman writes in to say she and her husband had a great romance, and after a few months, moved in together. They were engaged, married about two years later, and she got pregnant]

….Our sex was always good before I got pregnant. When our baby was born, my husband had postnatal depression and I had to keep everything together. I was finding it hard inside, but just had to act strong for the both of us. That really put a strain on our marriage.

Our beautiful baby boy is now 15 months old and we never have sex. Our son has just started to sleep through the night, and I think we have gotten so used to taking care of our son at night and not having sex that now it feels so awkward.

Continue reading “Dear Therapist: My Husband and I Don’t Have Sex Anymore”

Platonic Marriages Are A Thing (And They Are Not New) by K. Zapata

Platonic Marriages Are A Thing (And They Are Not New) by K. Zapata

(Link): Platonic Marriages Are A Thing (And They Are Not New) by K. Zapata

(original article is (Link): here)

Excerpts:

…While there are various types of relationships and forms of marriage out there, one type has garnered a lot of attention as of late: the platonic marriage. Why? Because it seems the next generation is seeing the benefit of loving and being. Of finding friendship, companionship, and meaning.

“Today some people are taking their friendships a giant step further,” a recent article on the New York Times explains. “They are platonically marrying each other, vowing to never leave each other’s side for better or for worse.”

“Couples in this type of arrangement often find compatibility and understand each other well, while also agreeing to the guidelines [of marriage] without being blinded by romantic feelings,” the article goes on. “Many of these relationships… begin because the couple wants their family life separate from their romantic lives, as they don’t find their romantic lives to be stable.” Continue reading “Platonic Marriages Are A Thing (And They Are Not New) by K. Zapata”

Nearly 1 in 10 Women Find Sex Painful, Study Finds

Nearly 1 in 10 Women Find Sex Painful, Study Finds

But Christian complementarians don’t care!

How do I know? Because in years past, any time I’ve seen male pastors or male Christians discuss sexuality issues on Christian shows on television, they’ve denoted that if a woman has “hang ups” about sex (because she was previously raped or sexually abused at some point in her life, even in childhood) – that is preventing her husband from having sex whenever he wants – that she should go see a therapist and get over it already.

These male pastors and male Christians convey that the married woman who has difficulty with sex in marriage because she is still dealing with past sexual trauma (i.e. rape or sexual abuse) needs to just shove it aside so she can have sex with her husband, because her husband is really horny and wants sex (again I must ask: have men, even Christian ones, never heard of masturbation?)

The emphasis with men, even Christian ones, is not the feelings and needs of the woman, but how the selfish ass hat men can get any and all the sex they want from their wives, their wives needs and concerns be dammed.

So I have no reason to believe that the sexist d-bags of the Christian world such as but not limited to Mark Driscoll, John Piper, John MacArthur, Pat Robertson, et al, would care if “one in ten women experiences pain during intercourse”

(Link): Nearly 1 in 10 Women Find Sex Painful, Study Finds

Excerpts:

by D. Steingold

Being intimate is an important part of keeping a healthy relationship, but for some women, there’s nothing enjoyable about it. According to a recent British study, nearly one in 10 women find sex to be painful.

Continue reading “Nearly 1 in 10 Women Find Sex Painful, Study Finds”

Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested

Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested

This sounds like both a Christian gender complementarian nightmare AND a dream.

From the male complementarian perspective, it would be a nightmare to live without sex because the sexist douche bags (i.e., Christian complementarians) are entitled and have no concept of self sacrifice, self control, nor have any of them heard of masturbation.

The “dream” part is the notion that their wife would be imprisoned or put to death for having refused to “put out.”

This is the nightmare AND dream of sexist jackasses such as, but not limited to, Douglas Wilson, John Piper, Owen Strachan, Al Mohler, and Mark Driscoll.

(Link): Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested

Geeta Parmar has been arrested in Gujarat, India, after her mother-in-law blamed her for the death of husband Surendrasinh, who reportedly took his own life last month

The grieving widow faces charges in India following a criminal complaint by the man’s mother.

Continue reading “Husband Takes His Own Life ‘Because of Lack of Sex’ and His Wife Is Arrested”

‘I Prefer Cleaning My House Than Having Sex’ -various women talk about how they prefer house cleaning to having sex

‘I prefer cleaning my house than having sex’

(Link): Meet four women who prefer cleaning the house to having sex with their partners

CLEANING is the new sex – that’s what Jessie J says, anyway.

The Do It Like A Dude singer, who is in an on-off relationship with Magic Mike actor Channing Tatum, said: “Cooking, organising and sex are my favourite things, in that order.”

The 31-year-old said tidying was her “love language”, and she’s not the only celebrity who has taken to this new kind of clean living.

Continue reading “‘I Prefer Cleaning My House Than Having Sex’ -various women talk about how they prefer house cleaning to having sex”

Women Reveal What It Feels Like To Be In A Sexless Marriage by K. Borresen

Women Reveal What It Feels Like To Be In A Sexless Marriage by K.  Borresen

Before I give you the link to the article, I wanted to say…

I’ve mentioned this before in my years of blogging here and will continue to mention this, but: the Christianity I grew up with in the 1970s to the 1990s emphasized that if a person just sexually abstained until marriage, that married sex would be great and frequent.

We were also taught by Christians, especially of the complementarian variety, that only men want and “need” sex, while all women supposedly hate sex and have to be convinced through those frequent, annoying, male-entitled sermons by sexist idiot male Christians, that wives should put out more for their husbands, because God supposedly “wired” men to want sex more (which is a lot of crap).

At any rate, almost all examples I have on my blog of sexless marriages (and yes, even Christians can end up in sexless marriages), are of  married WOMEN who say they MISS sex and aren’t having any because their HUSBAND (for whatever the reason) does not want to have sex.

This goes to reveal that conservative and complementarian assumptions about men and women’s sexuality is completely incorrect.

This below, from Huffington Post, is quite long, so I will not be copying the entire piece to my blog, only a few excerpts.

(Link): Women Reveal What It Feels Like To Be In A Sexless Marriage

Excerpts:

Coping with rejection, frustration and low self-worth can take a toll on both partners in the relationship.

By Kelsey Borresen
11/08/2019 02:59pm EST

When a couple stops having sex, it doesn’t just affect things in the bedroom — it often puts a strain on the entire relationship.

If both partners are content with little to no sex, then those dry spells (which are (Link): quite common, by the way) may not pose a problem. But in relationships in which one or both partners value their sex lives, a dead bedroom can bring up painful emotions, fears and resentments that just push them further and further apart.

Continue reading “Women Reveal What It Feels Like To Be In A Sexless Marriage by K. Borresen”

Woman Almost Dies From Allergic Reaction After Sex With Husband by S. Osbourn

Woman Almost Dies From Allergic Reaction After Sex With Husband by S. Osbourn

Sometimes there are advantages and benefits to being sexually abstinent.

…And let this go to show that the Christian propaganda that marriage will lead to great, regular sex is a FALSEHOOD. Christians especially liked to emphasize that remaining a virgin until marriage leads to great, regular sex.

Well, in cases such as this one (and others I have on this blog), sometimes a person is physically incapable of having sex, because doing so is too physically painful – or impossible.

(Link): Woman Almost Dies From Allergic Reaction After Sex With Husband

Samuel Osborne, The Independent •
November 8, 2019

A woman nearly died from an allergic reaction after having sex with her husband,

The 46-year-old from Baltimore, Maryland, suffered an anaphylactic reaction to a medication her husband was taking through exposure to her husband’s semen, according to the case report in the American Journal of Medicine.

Continue reading “Woman Almost Dies From Allergic Reaction After Sex With Husband by S. Osbourn”

Woman Who Has Sex With Her Husband Just Once a Year Due to Suffering Excruciating Pain During Intercourse

Woman Who Has Sex With Her Husband Just Once a Year Due to Suffering Excruciating Pain During Intercourse

This isn’t the first example on my blog of a married person incapable of having sex due to physical health problems or due to having been sexually abused prior to marriage or what have you.

A lot of Christians – usually conservative ones who have turned Marriage and The Nuclear Family into idols – wrongly promise single adults that if they wait until marriage to have sex, that the married sex they will have will be regular, hot, satisfying and wonderful.

In all my years growing up in such Christianity, I never once heard any of the preachers or Christian talking heads address issues such as what to do like the one below.

About the only time I’ve heard Christians bother to address such issues (and that’s been within the last ten or so years), they wrongly assume that only men want sex (they never address the marriages where the husband doesn’t want to have sex but the wife does).

If Christians bother to address female sexual abuse victims (who were molested as children and who are adults now) who don’t want to have married sex, their only response is to insensitively shame and pressure such women into having sex they don’t want to be having.

Because these Christians who do this – and it’s usually men – wrongly believe that all men are entitled to sex, and Christian men care more about men’s sexual desires being met than they care about ministering to wounded women.

Anyway, let this news story below go to demonstrate that being married is not a guarantee that an individual will have great, regular, wonderful sex. Sometimes the married sex is infrequent and/or it’s lousy.

(Link): Woman Who Has Sex With Her Husband Just Once a Year Due to Suffering Excruciating Pain During Intercourse

Excerpts:

October 2019

A woman who experiences excruciating pain during intercourse has revealed she only has sex with her husband once a year. 

Natalie Bricker, 35, from Newark, Delaware, was diagnosed with persistent genital arousal disorder in 2018, a condition which causes her severe pelvic pain every time she is aroused.

Continue reading “Woman Who Has Sex With Her Husband Just Once a Year Due to Suffering Excruciating Pain During Intercourse”

‘My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men’ – So Hetero Marriage is Responsible For Creating More Homosexuality

‘My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men’ – So Hetero Marriage is Responsible For Creating More Homosexuality

Obviously, a lot of conservative Protestant, Baptist, and evangelical and secular conservative talking points and propaganda about the nuclear family and marriage are not truthful or accurate.

Here we have a married guy who has been married to a woman for 45 years, but now, he’d like to have sex with men (see link/letter much farther below).

Your average conservative Christian would have you believe that marriage makes people more godly, mature, and ethical.

Those marriage and nuclear family conservative and Christian advocates would have you believe that once you marry (they always assume you will marry, they usually take no notice of adults who remain single over the age of 30), that you’ll be having sex with your spouse, and that the married hetero sex you have will be regular and of great quality.

Obviously, this man being discussed below who is married to a woman didn’t make him any less reluctant or less interested in having sex with other men.

It’s become apparent with each year I get older and see more and more news stories and advice columns like this one, that being married is not, contrary to what most Christians teach and believe, a guarantee for sexual satisfaction in life, nor does it guarantee happiness or make a person better or more godly, responsible, or mature.

It’s also evident that Marriage and The Family are not going to fix the culture, as so many talking Christian heads keep arguing.

And, another kicker that I find even more annoying and amusing in light of this article / advice column below:
A few years ago, I saw an editorial or two where the conservative or Christian authors were blaming heterosexual single adults for the seeming proliferation of homosexuals in our culture, or for the widespread acceptance of homosexuality.

Those conservative commentators were trying to blame Hetero singles (yes, heterosexuals) for homosexuality becoming more commonplace in the USA. (You can read one of those posts (Link): here.)

But here we have a letter from a Hetero married guy who wants to be Homosexual. This is not an un-married man. He is not already homosexual. He was married TO A WOMAN and yet STILL wants to engage in homosexual sex acts.

Obviously, adult singles of the Hetero (or Homo) variety did not “cause” this guy to go LGBT – he’s already married to a woman and by his own account had been having hetero married sex for 45 years… and yet, he wants to have sex with other men. Singleness and single adults can in no way be blamed for this.

(Link): My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men

By STOYA and RICH JUZWIAK
SEPT 05, 2019

Dear How to Do It,

I am a 68-year-old man who has been married to a woman for 45 years, with three grown kids.

Over the course of our marriage, we have been very active sexually, but for various reasons over the past five or six years, our sexual activity has declined dramatically.

Continue reading “‘My Wife and I Had Great Sex For 45 Years, But Now I’d Like to Sleep With Men’ – So Hetero Marriage is Responsible For Creating More Homosexuality”

Why a Woman’s Sex Life Declines After Menopause (Hint: Sometimes It’s Her Partner) By T. Parker-Pope

Why a Woman’s Sex Life Declines After Menopause (Hint: Sometimes It’s Her Partner) By T. Parker-Pope

(Link): Why a Woman’s Sex Life Declines After Menopause (Hint: Sometimes It’s Her Partner)

Excerpts:

By Tara Parker-Pope
August 2019

A revealing new analysis gives voice to the many reasons a woman’s sex life often falters with age.

For many women, sex after menopause is not as satisfying as it used to be. But is menopause entirely to blame?

New research suggests that the hormonal changes that come with menopause are only part of the reason a woman’s sex life declines with age. It’s true that many women experience symptoms after menopause, including vaginal dryness, painful intercourse and loss of desire — all of which can affect the frequency and pleasure of sex.

But the new study shows that the reasons many women stop wanting sex, enjoying sex and having sex are far more complex.

While women traditionally have been blamed when sex wanes in a relationship, the research shows that, often, it’s the health of a woman’s partner that determines whether she remains sexually active and satisfied with her sex life.

(Most studies have focused entirely on heterosexual women, so less is known about same-sex couples after menopause.)

Continue reading “Why a Woman’s Sex Life Declines After Menopause (Hint: Sometimes It’s Her Partner) By T. Parker-Pope”

Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower

Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower

So much for the conservative and Christian myth that marriage makes people more mature, godly, and responsible.

(Link): Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower

How do I get the guy to be more into hygiene? I’ve tried everything!

Continue reading “Ask E. Jean: My Husband Will Not Shower”

Married People Who Use Their Spouse’s Disease or Disability to Excuse Their Adultery – an article by M. Del Russo

Married People Who Use Their Spouse’s Disease or Disability to Excuse Their Adultery – an article by M. Del Russo

I have never had sex outside of marriage, one reason of several is that the Bible says that sex is intended for a man married to a woman – anything outside of marriage is fornication and is considered sin. I am now past the age of 45.

If I can maintain celibacy this long, so too can anyone else, including these people who are in marriages where their spouse is debilitated in some manner, through a physical or mental health issue.

It’s a matter of personal conviction and self control. I do not have some sort of special gifting from God that removes libido. I am not asexual.

So, do I excuse or look on with compassion at these women or men in this article who started affairs with other adults when their own spouses became ill? No, I do not. Going without sex or romance will not kill a person, and you made a vow to your partner.

As for the woman quoted below who says those in her position don’t want to burden their sick spouse with demands for sex – that is all polite and well and good, but has she never heard of masturbation? Why are so many married people under the assumption that the only form of sexual activity is “penis in the vagina”?

(Link): These women care for their ailing husbands. They say dating other men is how they take care of themselves.

Excerpts:

…But the trio’s situation scratches at a question: How do couples sustain relationships and navigate intimacy when disease or disability strikes?

Christina — who asked to be identified by her first name because of privacy concerns — says her marriage was very happy and she loves her spouse deeply, but now that his disease has progressed, she no longer recognizes the person he’s become.

Continue reading “Married People Who Use Their Spouse’s Disease or Disability to Excuse Their Adultery – an article by M. Del Russo”