Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

The first half to two thirds of this video of what the speakers describe, how they describe the typical views of abusive men, is reminiscent of some Christian Gender Complementarians and their views, and what some complementarian adherents believe.

Especially if you are a Christian single woman who’s wanting to marry AND in particular you were raised by Christian parents or in a church that taught traditional gender roles (perhaps under the phrase or label of “gender complementarianism“) please pay special attention to the video below.

Under “gender complementarian” teachings (and just mainstream, evangelical or Baptist and Christian dating advice), Christian women have been taught to accept all sorts of toxic teachings and to accept on-going mistreatment from a spouse (and from other people in their lives).

Chances are good that if you’re a single Christian woman who was brought up to believe in gender complementarian teachings that you were heavily encouraged to adopt people pleasing or codependent behaviors, beliefs, and attitudes, which will make you attractive to abusers and people with personality disorders (many of whom can be abusive).

Additionally, if you do marry an abusive person (whether he is emotionally, sexually, verbally, or physically abusive) the majority of Christian churches and denominations teach women that divorce is not an option, not even in cases of abuse.

You (if you’re an abused wife asking a Christian for advice or help in regards to your marriage) will usually be told just to “submit more,” give your spouse more sex, and to pray about it – but none of those methods will change your spouse or cause him to stop abusing you.

There is nothing you can say or do that will get your husband to stop abusing you – (Link): nor is it your responsibility to try to fix or change your spouse in the first place.

You have to go into a marriage to a self professing Christian man knowing before-hand  that if your spouse turns abusive, that you must eventually divorce the guy, and you most likely won’t get any help or encouragement in that area from your church, church group, church friends, or pastor.

Most churches and pastors will shame, pressure, and guilt trip an abused wife to stay in the abusive marriage at all costs, because they value the institution of marriage above the safety and mental health of the abused wife.

If you’re a Christian woman in an abusive marriage, your church, church friends, and your preacher will never, ever give you permission to divorce – but you don’t need their permission or approval – you just need your own. It’s your life, not theirs.

(Link – to video on You Tube): Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast

Excerpts, video description (from text below the video on the You Tube page):

I’m happy to interview Lundy Bancroft, author, and expert on male abuse behaviors and tactics.

Lundy has 30 years experience working in the field of abuse. His book “Why Does He Do That” is a one of the first I read and it helped tremendously.

Lundy is a lifelong advocate for the safety of women and children and it shines through in his books. You may be wondering whether you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist or an Abuser or someone who’s both.

Continue reading “Lundy Bancroft on Narcissists vs Abusers for The Audacious Life podcast”

Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health by Elizabeth Cohen

Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health by Elizabeth Cohen

(Link): Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health

Excerpts:

August 2011
By Elizabeth Cohen, Senior Medical Correspondent

…Feeling persistently resentful toward other people — the boss who fired you, the spouse who cheated on you — can indeed affect your physical health, according to a new book, “Embitterment: Societal, psychological, and clinical perspectives.”

In fact, the negative power of feeling bitter is so strong that the authors call for the creation of a new diagnosis called PTED, or post-traumatic embitterment disorder, to describe people who can’t forgive others’ transgressions against them.

“Bitterness is a nasty solvent that erodes every good thing,” says Dr. Charles Raison, associate professor of psychiatry at Emory University School of Medicine and CNNHealth’s Mental Health expert doctor.

What bitterness does to your body

Feeling bitter interferes with the body’s hormonal and immune systems, according to Carsten Wrosch, an associate professor of psychology at Concordia University in Montreal and an author of a chapter in the new book.

Studies have shown that bitter, angry people have higher blood pressure and heart rate and are more likely to die of heart disease and other illnesses.

Continue reading “Being Bitter and Blaming Others Can Ruin Your Health by Elizabeth Cohen”

Megachurch Pastor Coerced Girls, Women to Have Sex with Him Under Threat of ‘Eternal Damnation’: DOJ by L. Blair

Megachurch Pastor Coerced Girls, Women to Have Sex with Him Under Threat of ‘Eternal Damnation’: DOJ

(Link): Megachurch pastor coerced girls, women to have sex with him under threat of ‘eternal damnation’: DOJ

Excerpts:

by Leonardo Blair

Claiming that sex with him was a “privilege” and “God’s will,” controversial megachurch pastor and founder of the Philippines-based Kingdom of Jesus Christ Church, Apollo Quiboloy, and two of his top administrators have been charged with trafficking young women and girls in the U.S. who were coerced into having sex with him under threats of “eternal damnation.”

…Quiboloy, Dandan and Salinas allegedly recruited girls ranging in age from 12 to 25, to work as personal assistants or “pastorals,” for Quiboloy, the indictment adds.

The victims prepared Quiboloy’s meals, cleaned his residences, gave him massages and were required to have sex with him.

Continue reading “Megachurch Pastor Coerced Girls, Women to Have Sex with Him Under Threat of ‘Eternal Damnation’: DOJ by L. Blair”

Biological Male Amazon Driver in Blonde Wig Filmed Naked Girls in Women’s Bathroom with Pen Camera, Police Say 

Biological Male Amazon Driver in Blonde Wig Filmed Naked Girls in Women’s Bathroom with Pen Camera, Police Say 

Nothing but disaster ensues when biological men are permitted into women’s spaces. And by women, I of course mean natal women – people who are born with XX chromosomes. Not people who “identify” as women.

It’s much easier now for biological male perverts to enter women’s only spaces to sexually harass or rape women now – we all have leftists, trans rights activists, and intersectional feminists to thank for this.

(Link): Police: Woonsocket man disguised as woman took videos of girls in bathroom

(Link): Amazon Driver Charged With Child Porn After Allegedly Wearing Wig, Taking Pictures In Wrentham Outlets Bathroom

WRENTHAM (CBS) – An Amazon driver is facing serious charges after Wrentham Police say he took pictures of women and girls in a bathroom at the Wrentham Outlets. His arrest follows an investigation that started this summer.

…“A mother and daughter reported there was a person acting strange, a man dressed as a woman wearing a wig,” said Wrentham Police Chief Bill McGrath.

When Wrentham Police responded to the outlets in August, where women reported a man behaving suspiciously in a women’s bathroom, an investigation began that would uncover far more sinister evidence.

A witness photo showed what appeared to be pen cameras – recording devices – laced into the man’s sneakers.

Continue reading “Biological Male Amazon Driver in Blonde Wig Filmed Naked Girls in Women’s Bathroom with Pen Camera, Police Say “

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage by Andrew J. Bauman and Taylor May

(Link): Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage

Excerpts:

by Andrew J. Bauman

I am proud to be writing this article in partnership with Taylor May, a survivor of emotional and spiritual abuse. She has boldly shared her own story about what it was like to be married to someone who had a Pornographic Style of Relating, (PSR) and what it felt like to be used by him with her Church’s consent.

*Trigger warning for those who have suffered this type of betrayal trauma.


I’ve written about the pornographic style of relating here (PSR), but today we will hear from the perspective of a woman who has lived on the other side of this dynamic.

Many people have been talking about this with the release of this new book [Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life by Gary Thomas] and some of its disturbing implications.

How can we talk about what these women are experiencing, and what can we learn from them?

Taylor May has offered her story and her experience below. My hope is that this can begin to clear up the muddy waters of what it means to live a Christlike marriage in a deeply pornified world.


by Taylor May

I didn’t realize how a pornographic style of relating was so deeply embedded into my first marriage until I was firmly planted into my second marriage.

That’s when I began to see the impact my first husband’s issue with lust had on my new, much healthier relationship.

Let me tell you my story, and how I and countless other women feel when our significant others lust for other women, on-screen or off.

Those of us who grew up in the evangelical Church have been told that we are responsible for men’s lust issues. This lie has been perpetrated by the church for far too long.

Many men are leading our church conversations with 90% of pastors being men, and considering that nearly 50% of those pastors self-report having used pornography, it would make sense that they would try to gaslight women by minimizing the destructive nature of porn use.

One way they do this is by framing it as a women’s issue or a sex issue, rather than the objectification of women/sin issue–one that stems from the person doing the objectifying.

Continue reading “Christlike or Pornlike?  A Christian Woman’s Role in Marriage”

Calif. Mom Accused of Throwing Secret Alcohol-Filled Parties for Teens and Watching Them Have Sex

Calif. Mom Accused of Throwing Secret Alcohol-Filled Parties for Teens and Watching Them Have Sex

There’s nothing about parenthood that makes a person more loving, godly, mature or ethical – as marriage-promoters such as “Focus On the Family” and Al Mohler and Brad Wilcox insist.

(Link): Calif. Mom Accused of Throwing Secret Alcohol-Filled Parties for Teens and Watching Them Have Sex

Shannon O’Connor, formerly of Los Gatos, has been charged with 39 criminal counts, including felony child abuse, sexual assault, and providing alcohol to minors for hosting the parties

By Dan Heching
October 12, 2021

The mother of a teenager is being accused of hosting alcohol-fueled sex parties for him and his friends and then “facilitating and watching” their sex acts, some of which were non-consensual.

Shannon Marie O’Connor, from Los Gatos, California, is charged with offenses including felony child abuse, sexual assault, and providing alcohol to minors for hosting the parties, which she attempted to keep secret, according to the criminal complaint filed with the Santa Clara County Superior Court

O’Connor, 47, allegedly encouraged sex acts among the teens –– who are in the age range of 14 and 16 years old like her son –– and sometimes watched as well.

Continue reading “Calif. Mom Accused of Throwing Secret Alcohol-Filled Parties for Teens and Watching Them Have Sex”

Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police

Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police

And Gender Complementarian Christians and pro-patriarchy Christians somehow think only men should “lead” churches – when men molest children (psst, complementarians: maybe your interpretation of the Bible about women and men is incorrect).

I don’t know if Coghill (the pervert in this news story) is married, divorced, or what.
None of the articles I skimmed mentioned his marital status (many times, child molesters turn out to be MARRIED MEN, not single! This fact damages a lot of Christian propaganda about marriage – marriage doesn’t make people less liable of sexual sin, for one)…

(Link): Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police

A church minister was tackled to the ground after he groped a 9-year-old boy, according to police in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Michael Coghill, 33, sustained a skull fracture and cracked eye socket, cops said in a KFOR report.

(Link): Former Lakehoma Church of Christ minister tackled by witness who accused him of fondling a child

by Carla Hinton
Sept 24, 2021

….A former local minister has been arrested by Oklahoma City Police, but not before he was confronted and physically detained by an adult who accused him of touching a child inappropriately at a school bus stop.

According to Oklahoma City Police, an adult man allegedly saw and videotaped Michael Eric Coghill, 33, touching a 9-year-old child inappropriately on Wednesday morning as the child and other youths waited at a school bus stop in southwest Oklahoma City.

Police said the witness told the reporting officer that a child had indicated there was a jogger who had been coming to the bus stop and touching youths as they waited for the school bus.

Continue reading “Angry Dad Fractures Church Minister’s Skull for Groping 9-Year-Old Son: Police”

Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son

Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son

I’m having a difficult time seeing how parenthood makes people more godly, mature, responsible, and ethical, as so many Nuclear Family promoters make it out to be.

Assuming this guy in this news article was married at one time (I’m not sure if he was married at one time or not – this article says he was engaged to be married)…

If you’re an older, single adult be aware that Christian dating advice books, blog posts, and pod casts that insist you’ve not been sent a spouse ever (or not yet) is because you don’t deserve one (because you’re not godly enough, not worthy enough, or whatever enough!)…

….news stories like this one show that if there is a God, he’s not with-holding spouses from child rapist and child murdering dirt bags, so I don’t think there is some kind of thresh-hold one must meet before God will send someone a spouse, or permit them to marry, or however you wish to put it.

(Link): Dad tortured son, 10, with taser dog collar and forced him to eat faeces

(Link): Boy in the Attic: Father Pleads Guilty After Raping & Torturing His Own Son to Death

A search warrant carried out on December 16, 2019, revealed multiple items of interest at the home, including a Taser, four Taser-style dog collars, and a combination lock located in the attic.

Authorities said Takoda Collins was covered in scratches and bruises stemming from a sexual assault. They also said that the boy was forced to eat his own feces.

…“Takoda was kept in a dirty, locked, dark attic and abused daily over the course of several years,” an affidavit read. “The interviews also revealed that Takoda was held underwater and gasping for breath prior to succumbing to his injuries.”

(Link): Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son

by Patrick Reilly
Sept. 10, 2021

An Ohio father has pleaded guilty to kidnapping, raping and murdering his 10-year old son, who was subject to years of “sustained extreme abuse and torture“ before he was beaten to death, according to prosecutors.

Continue reading “Ohio Father Pleads Guilty to the Rape and Murder of His Ten Year Old Son”

Texas Pastor Sentenced to 30 Years After Using Hidden Cameras to Secretly Film Child Porn at Church

Texas Pastor Sentenced to 30 Years After Using Hidden Cameras to Secretly Film Child Porn at Church 

And all the stuff I heard from Baptists and evangelicals and Protestants as I was growing up about marriage, dating, and complementarian male headship is totally false!

Is church a good place to meet single men if you’re a single woman who’d like to date or marry? Nope. Not only do most churches lack single men, but the ones who do attend (and even work a pastors!) end up being child pornographers.

I’m not sure if the pastor discussed in the articles below is married or not, or if he’s ever been married, but he probably is – or was.

The fact that this guy is into child porn puts to rest the Christian dating advice chest nut that God only sends spouses to people who “deserve” a spouse or who have achieved some kind of pinnacle of spirituality or godliness, so that, the standard Christian thinking goes, that they’ve “earned” one.

If child pornographers are getting married, that goes to show that you, as imperfect as you are (I’m assuming you’re not into child porn), sure as hey are not less worthy of marriage.

It seems like about at least once a month, a news story breaks about some church staff or pastor going to jail for having hidden cameras in a church’s bathroom.

At this point in time, if you attend a church, you may want to scrutinize the facilities to make sure there are no cameras by your toilet or urinal.

(Link): Former Denison Church Of The Nazarene Pastor David Pettigrew Gets 30 Years For Child Pornography Violations

August 23, 2021

Former Denison Church of the Nazarene pastor David Pettigrew, 49, was sentenced to federal prison for sexual crimes against children. Pettigrew pleaded guilty on April 7, 2021 to sexual exploitation of children; conspiracy and attempt and was sentenced to 30 years in federal prison by U.S. District Judge Amos L. Mazzant.

Continue reading “Texas Pastor Sentenced to 30 Years After Using Hidden Cameras to Secretly Film Child Porn at Church”

Rampant Sexual Abuse of Women, and Its Cover Up, at Hope Community Church, Gives Single Christians Another Reason to Be Leery of the Be Equally Yoked Rule or Looking for a Spouse at a Church

Rampant Sexual Abuse of Women, and Its Cover Up, at Hope Community Church, Gives Single Christians Another Reason to Be Leery of the Be Equally Yoked Rule or Looking for a Spouse at a Church

The following article needs to be read in full, because, among other things, one learns that the church staff of the church discussed victim-blamed a teen-aged girl for wearing shorts as the reason as to why a male hired by the church sexually assaulted her.

What I wanted to focus on in this article, however, were the comments the single women made about this church.

Remember as you are reading this, that many Christians will advise you, if you are a single woman who’d like to marry, to try finding “husband material” at your local church.

Also remember as you read this, that a lot of Christians still push the spinster-making teaching of “be equally yoked” in regards to dating or marriage. (It’s a Christian view that holds that a Christian single should not date or marry any Non-Christians.)

(Link): Women Came to Hope Community Church Looking for Fellowship and Healing. Disrespectful Behavior from Church Leaders Drove Them to Leave.

Excerpts:

Feb 10, 2021
by Katie Jane Fernelius

…As members of Hope Community Church streamed in for services, the protesters held signs confronting Hope’s leadership on its record of handling sexual abuse and assault.

Over the last few months, the INDY has worked to vet these allegations and the church’s response to them.

Unfortunately, church leaders, including founder and lead pastor Mike Lee, have not responded to multiple inquiries, effectively stonewalling the INDY’s reporting around a fraught topic.

Sara Dye, who joined the megachurch looking for healing after she was raped by a stranger and went through a divorce, says she was assaulted by a member of the church’s worship team.

Continue reading “Rampant Sexual Abuse of Women, and Its Cover Up, at Hope Community Church, Gives Single Christians Another Reason to Be Leery of the Be Equally Yoked Rule or Looking for a Spouse at a Church”

California Dishing Out Condoms To Female Inmates After Democrat Newsom Forces Them To Live With Men By Gabe Kaminsky

California Dishing Out Condoms To Female Inmates After Democrat Newsom Forces Them To Live With Men By Gabe Kaminsky

Women Prisoners Allowed to be Raped by Self Identifying Transwomen To Protect the Feelings of Transwomen

And leftists, liberals friendly to the left, continue to disregard the safety of biological women all to favor the feelings of biological men who say they identify as women.

Don’t tell me you stand in opposition to sexism, are turned off by Trump’s “grab ’em” comment, when you or your views or “allyship” helped usher in situations like the following, which put natal women in danger.

(Link):  ‘We’re now prey for men’: California women inmates decry being housed with male prisoners

By Brandon Showalter

Female inmates in the California prison system say they’re now “prey for men” as correctional facilities prepare for an uptick in rapes and pregnancies following a policy change that allows men who identify as female to be transferred to women’s-only prisons.

At medical clinics inside the Central California Women’s Facility, newly available resources suggest that women housed there should anticipate a heightened risk of being raped.

As all sex inside the prison system is deemed non-consensual by default, the influx of men in women’s-only facilities only increases that risk, according to the radical feminist group Women’s Liberation Front.

Continue reading “California Dishing Out Condoms To Female Inmates After Democrat Newsom Forces Them To Live With Men By Gabe Kaminsky”

Class Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM (Ravi Zacharias Ministry) Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors

Class Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM (Ravi Zacharias Ministry) Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors

(Link): Class-action lawsuit claims RZIM misled donors, covered up Ravi Zacharias’ abuse

(Link): Class-Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM Misled Donors, Covered Up Ravi Zacharias’ Abuse

(Link): ClassAction Lawsuit Claims RZIM Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors

By Anugrah Kumar
August 2021

Donors to Ravi Zacharias International Ministries have filed a lawsuit against the late Christian apologist’s organization, alleging their funds were funneled to women subjected to its founder’s sexual misconduct as he gave money and expensive gifts to survivors, including $40,000 toward on woman’s culinary schooling.

“Defendants bilked tens — if not hundreds — of millions of dollars from well-meaning donors who believed RZIM and Zacharias to be faith-filled Christian leaders,” claims the lawsuit filed in the federal court for the North District of Georgia. “In fact, Zacharias was a prolific sexual predator who used his ministry and RZIM funds to perpetrate sexual and spiritual abuse against women.”

Continue reading “Class Action Lawsuit Claims RZIM (Ravi Zacharias Ministry) Donations Misused, Funneled to Pay off Sex Abuse Survivors”