Single, Virgin Women Do Not Have Another Standard by Which to Be Saved, Contra Complementarian Group CBMW

Single, Virgin Women Do Not Have Another Standard by Which to Be Saved, Contra Complementarian Group CBMW

The Bible does teach that people should remain virgins until marriage, but oddly, some Christians do things like omit men from this teaching (as though virginity applies only to women).

In this case, they seem to be conflating being single, and a virgin, with receiving salvation, as though there’s some other standard by which others are saved. Christians also frequently make much too much out of the marriage analogy, in which they pretty much seem to suggest that a person has to be married (and having sex) to truly know God or be in relationship with God.

Via the Biblical Personhood blog:

(Link): Is “Biblical” manhood and womanhood compatible with the gospel of Christ?

The Biblical Personhood blog reproduces this quote from a Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood resource:

[from complementarian, CBMW, material:]

48. How can a Christian single woman enter into the mystery of Christ and the Church if she never experiences marriage?
[Their answer promotes offering your virginity to God. Nothing about becoming a Christian.] – CBMW, “Fifty Crucial Questions, Question 48

… The mystery of Christ and the church, likewise, is not about marriage or celibacy. Jesus loved you – male or female, single or married or divorced or widowed – first. Know you are loved by God, love God back, experience God’s love, and see how it never ends, and how it changes you to live for Him.

Continue reading “Single, Virgin Women Do Not Have Another Standard by Which to Be Saved, Contra Complementarian Group CBMW”

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Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife and Once Wrote A Book About Godly Manhood

Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife and Once Wrote A Book About Godly Manhood

Another web page I saw about this story says that the pastor may have been married when sleeping with one of these women, which means he was committing adultery on his own wife (not just with some other guy’s wife). The story below seems to indicate that the pastor was married while sleeping with another guy’s wife.

Several lessons to derive from this news story below:

Equally Yoked is a stupid teaching single Christians should feel comfortable trashing and disregarding. If you’re a single Christian woman, find yourself a nice, reliable Non-Christian guy to marry, which will considerably widen your dating pool, since so many Bible-reading, church-going Christian men are cheaters, fornicators, and perverts (I am not arguing that all Non-Christian men are upstanding great guys, however).

Secondly, let this show that married people (or the previously married) are NOT more godly, mature, or ethical than single adults.

Lastly, this shows that God does not demand or expect an adult to clean himself up before God will allow that person to marry.

(Link):  Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife

Jan 23, 2017

by Leonard Blair

The Rev. O. Jermaine Simmons Sr., pastor of the popular (Link): Jacob Chapel Baptist Church in Tallahassee, Florida, who recently authored a book focused on issues of godly manhood, was sent running for his life last Tuesday after one of his parishioners found him in bed with his wife.

Continue reading “Pastor Forced to Flee Naked After Parishioner Finds Him in Bed With Wife and Once Wrote A Book About Godly Manhood”

“‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ [Book] Told Me to Stay Pure Until Marriage. I Still Have a Stain on My Heart” – Regarding: Dating Book by Author Josh Harris (with other related links about the IKDG book) and Criticizing “Purity Culture”

“‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ [Book] Told Me to Stay Pure Until Marriage. I Still Have a Stain on My Heart” – Regarding: Dating Book by Author Josh Harris (with other related links about the IKDG book) and Criticizing “Purity Culture”

August 24, 2016 update: I added a new link at the bottom of this post: people continue to attack the idea of sexual purity by publicizing backlash against the Harris IKDG book.


I myself have never read the IKDB book, which was written by Harris. I have read about the book on other sites in the past, and it is my understanding the book discussed how to date, and other such topics, and is not strictly about sex or virginity.

The author uses this review of the IKDG book to bash “purity culture,” and in so doing, touches on the topic or staying chaste until marriage.

I am in the middle of this debate. I cannot completely agree with all the critics of “purity culture,” depending on what they are criticizing about it and why.

I believe that the Bible teaches both male and females are to sexually abstain until marriage, so I don’t believe in tossing out this teaching all because some young women feel they have been hurt or oppressed by it.

On the other hand, how some Christians have taught about sexual purity has been lop-sided – males are typically not addressed, only females – and Christians could do a better, or more sensitive job, in how they present the concept of remaining a virgin until marriage.

With that introduction, here is the link, with some excerpts (and note, I am not in complete agreement with all views in this piece; however, I’m not a supporter of a lot of Christian dating advice. Christian dating advice tends to act as an obstacle to singles who want to someday marry):

(Link): “‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye’ told me to stay pure until marriage. I still have a stain on my heart

Excerpts:

July 27, 2016

In 1997, Joshua Harris published “I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” a book that was in part a warning about the harm that relationships before marriage could cause. Harris evoked images of men at the altar bringing all their past partners with them into the marriage to reinforce the point that love and sex before marriage took pieces of your heart and made you less.

At the time, Harris was just 21, but he was already a rising star.

…He [Harris] was what we, as young evangelicals, wanted to be. And so we strove passionately to attain the ideal of premarital purity he laid out for us. Now, almost 20 years later, even Harris appears to be questioning whether his advice did more harm than good.

…But Harris’s book was hugely influential.

…On the surface, I am a purity-culture success story: I am a heterosexual woman, a virgin until marriage, now with two small children and a husband I deeply love. We attend church. We believe in God. And yet, for me, the legacy of purity culture is not one of freedom but one of fear.

People Are Having ‘Sex Roulette’ Parties Where One Person Secretly has HIV

People Are Having ‘Sex Roulette’ Parties Where One Person Secretly has HIV

Some people are truly depraved. This is another time I am glad I am celibate.

A lot of people in American culture mock people like me who choose to refrain from sex, but I’d rather be abstaining than defiling and debasing myself and risking my health over stuff like this.

(Link):  People Are Having ‘Sex Roulette’ Parties Where One Person Secretly has HIV

Excerpts:

  • by R Waugh for Metro
  • It’s the ultimate in extreme sex – parties where one person secretly has HIV, and everyone has unprotected sex without knowing who it is.

Continue reading “People Are Having ‘Sex Roulette’ Parties Where One Person Secretly has HIV”

Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit

Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit

This article says that this guy is married (or was at one point; I have no idea if he’s still married to his wife or not).

Christians often think that married people are more sexually pure and moral than adult singles – they will often refuse to allow adult singles to serve in leadership positions in churches, one reason being, they assume that the single will “hit on” or start affairs with other people.

But if you will notice, the majority of news stories about Christians who are involved in affairs or looking at child porn and what have you, are MARRIED persons, NOT singles.

Which is not to say there are not self-professing Christian singles who aren’t sexually sinning, because there sure as heck are, but I’m so tired of this Christian stereotype that married people are as pure as the freshly driven snow, while we singles are supposedly a bunch of over-sexed horn dogs.

I myself am over the age of 40, and I am celibate. I am more sexually up-right than a lot of Christian married people. So Christians who harbor these stereotypes about singles being Jezebel harlots and married people being sexually pure can kiss my butt.

By the way, does the “be equally yoked” rule Christians apply to marriage REALLY MATTER when the “Christian” husband ends up cheating on his wife by using pornography or prostitutes or he has a mistress?

Does this example REALLY up-hold the Christian teaching that God expects a person to be mature or godly before he will permit him or her to have a spouse? No, it does not.

If God expected people to be totally moral, ethical, mature, and godly before allowing them to have a spouse, the idiot in this news story would still be single – but he’s not. He has a wife (or did. I am not clear if the wife is still with him or not).

(Link): Director of Cedar Rapids nonprofit skimmed donations to support ‘sex addiction’

(Link): Christian charity head admits using donations for sex habit 

(Link): Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit

  • by R. Roley
  • May 2016
  • The president of a Christian charity in Iowa admitted that he embezzled nearly a half-million dollars in donations and used the money to pay for a sex addiction, federal prosecutors said Tuesday.
  • Jon S. Petersen, of Cedar Rapids, pleaded guilty Monday to one count of filing a false tax return. He was released from custody pending a sentencing hearing, which hasn’t been scheduled.
  • Petersen, 55, is the longtime president of World Ambassadors, Ltd., a nonprofit he founded with his wife in 1993 to provide a Christian outreach to international students on college campuses.

Continue reading “Christian Charity Head Admits Using Donations for Sex Habit”

NC Pastor Busted For Sexually Assaulting Woman Seeking Counseling: ‘He Started Sticking His Tongue Into my Ear’ -Say Good-Bye to the Equally Yoked Teaching

NC Pastor Busted For Sexually Assaulting Woman Seeking Counseling: ‘He Started Sticking His Tongue Into my Ear’ -Say Good-Bye to the Equally Yoked Teaching

I see no value or benefit for Christian singles to follow the “equally yoked” teaching, especially in regards to dating or marriage, when so many professing Christians are slime ball weirdos, such as the pastor in this news story.

I’d rather marry a polite, kind, non-slime ball atheist than a guy like this. (This is not to say that all atheist men are great – certainly some I’ve known and read about are sexist jerks or creepers too. You need to judge a guy on his character and how he treats you, not his religious beliefs per se.)

Also, as every women raised Christian knows, Christian single men are in short supply anyway, so you might not have a choice but to marry a Non-Christian anyway.

Recall that much of the Christian invented “Billy Graham Rule” presupposes that single women are threats to married Christian men, when the reality is that usually, married Christian men are attacking or trying to rape single (or married) women. Maybe Christians need to invent a (Link): Reverse Billy Graham Rule.

I’m not sure if the pastor in this story is married or a father, but he probably is: if so, this goes to show that marriage and parenthood do not necessarily make a person more mature, godly, or ethical – as Christians teach.

Further, if this pervert preacher is married, it also goes to show that the common Christian belief that married people are more sexually pure or restrained than adult singles is untrue.

I’d also add that Baptists go around crowing about “family values” all the time, but here you have a Baptist preacher sexually preying on women patients, which is in opposition to “family values.”

(Link):  Church pastor charged with inappropriately touching woman

  • The pastor of a Salisbury church has been charged with inappropriately touching a woman he was supposed to be counseling, according to a Salisbury Police report.

(Link):  Minister accused of groping woman he was counseling, police say

  • by M Becker
  • SALISBURY, N.C. —
  • Police in Salisbury have charged a local minister with sexually assaulting a woman whom he was counseling.
  • Police arrested the Rev. Kenneth Darrell Worley Tuesday and charged him with misdemeanor sexual battery more than three months after the woman said he groped her in her home in Salisbury.
  •  “I kick myself now, but he seemed so trustworthy,” the woman told Eyewitness News on Wednesday.
  • She said she met Worley in the waiting room of a local hospital where she was having a medical procedure, and he suggested that he could counsel her further at her home.
  • She said they spoke for about two hours at her kitchen table, but as he got up to leave, he asked if he could give her a hug, then pushed her down onto her couch.
  •  “He started sticking his tongue in my ear, licking on my neck. He was groping me,” she said.
  • She got free and called police, but the investigation took more than three months before officers signed a warrant charging Worley with misdemeanor assault.
  • A spokesman at New Hope Baptist Church in Salisbury said Wednesday that officials there were not ready to comment, but Worley is still the senior pastor there.

(Link): NC Pastor Busted For Sexually Assaulting Woman Seeking Counseling: ‘He Started Sticking His Tongue Into my Ear’

  • BETHANIA PALMA MARKUS
    12 MAY 2016 AT 16:39 ET
  • A North Carolina pastor has been accused of sexually assaulting a woman after she entrusted him to counsel her, (Link): WSCOTV reports.
  • Police arrested Rev. Kenneth Darrell Worley after the woman claims he came to her house in the town of Salisbury to provide her with counseling.
  • After a two-hour talk, the woman, who was not identified, told WSCO that Worley asked her if he could give her a hug.
  • “That seemed okay, you know? Sure,” she said. But then Worley tried to force himself on her, pushing her backward onto her sofa.
  • “He started sticking his tongue into my ear, licking on my neck, he was groping me,” she told the station. She called police but the investigation dragged on for months before she was informed they had charged Worley with misdemeanor sexual battery.
  • Worley is still the senior pastor at his church, New Hope Baptist Church.
  • She said she is speaking out now because she fears there are other victims.

————————-

Related Posts:

Update 2: (Link):  Church Knew of Preacher’s [Tullian Tchividjian’s] Affairs, Advised Him To Keep It Quiet 

(Link): Think The “Billy Graham Rule” Would Have Saved Tullian? Think Again… (Billy Graham rule has all Christians treating single adult women as though they are harlots who cannot be trusted)

(Link):  Update on Christian Rapist Man Who Used Christian Mingle Site To Pick His Victims (he liked to discuss Jesus and the Bible with them before raping them – other details in update) Equally Yoked Teaching IS A FARCE 

(Link): Christian Ladies: Be Equally Yoked to Christian Men Who Like To Have Sex With Dogs! (Re: Jerald Hill news story)

(Link): Forget About Being Equally Yoked: “My Abusive Christian Marriage”

(Link): Resident Christian Marriage Advice Writer at Christian Mag Admits Some Christian Marriages are Sexless

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

 

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy

Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy 

Before I present you with the links to the news reports about this story (which are much farther down the page), I wanted to make some introductory comments in general, and a few specific comments refuting a few points from a pro-Quivering page about celibacy.

In regards to the specific news story I am blogging about today, this Quivering group is completely overlooking Apostle Paul’s comments in (Link): 1 Corinthians 7 that it is better for people to remain single than it is to marry – and Paul does not say that this teaching is in regards only to “a few,” or only a “minority” of people.

The Bible nowhere states that marriage is “a norm,” or that God expects or wants all, or most, people to marry.

It just so happens that in other cultures thousands of years ago, most people did happen to marry – one should not deduce from this cultural situation that God supported it or wanted it to be so. It just was what it was.

If the Bible said that all or most ancient Jews painted their bodies green once a year and balanced weasels on their heads while jumping up and down on a watermelon one week out of a year, one should not assume from this that

  • 1. God created that cultural practice and/or that
  • 2. God wanted Americans in the year 2016 to practice these things as well.

The Quivering group’s position on marriage, celibacy, and singleness is unbiblical, not to mention disturbing.

According to this article (linked to much farther below), the Quivering group was going to call this event, (where they set up marriages for little girls to marry), “Get Them Married.”

Why not have an event called, per 1 Corinthians 7, “It Is Better To Stay Unmarried”?

Am I opposed to marriage? No.

Is the God of the Bible against marriage? No.

But the Bible does not say that being married is better or more holy for girls, women, or culture, than being single, but a lot of Christian groups, and these wacky Christian cults, insist otherwise.

Christians need to do a better job of recognizing adult singleness and celibacy as legitimate, godly, biblical lifestyles and choices for all persons (and not only meant for a small minority of people who were supposedly “gifted” with it), instead of promoting marriage and natalism as the only legitimate avenues or as ways of fixing culture, the nation, or as pleasing God.

Continue reading “Salvation Army Bans Duggar / Quivering Cult’s ‘Retreat’ (Called ‘Get Them Married’) that Promoted Arranged Marriages for Teen Girls – Quivering Advocates Are Anti-Adult Singleness and Anti-Celibacy”

We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog

We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog

Someone on my Twitter re-Tweeted a link to the link below.

The e-mail from Gross (that is mentioned at the other blog) also shames and blames women whose husbands are using porn; he actually tells them that their husbands are still owed sex, they should not “put walls up” with their spouse and treat their husbands with suspicion in all areas of their lives, and so on.

Gross’ comments were inappropriate and insensitive to women who find out their husbands are cheating on them by viewing pornography. You can visit this blog below to see those additional comments.

I’d like to add that this also goes to show the the Christian trope that Christian married sex will be hot, steamy, and satisfying is false. Obviously, some Christian men (and married Christian women) are using porn, so they are not being fully sexually satisfied in the sack by their Christian spouse.

Also note that this disproves the Christian myth that married persons are immune from sexual sin. They are not. Married people are not more sexually pure than adult singles.

(Link): We’re All Visual 

Excerpts:

  • I received an email from Craig Gross at XXX Church the other day.  I had not signed up for emails from them.  This is because XXX Church and Craig Gross purchase email address lists to be able to market to the people on them.  Find out more about that (Link): HERE.
  • This uninvited email was telling women how to deal with their husbands’ viewing pornography.  I was horrified and angered by the content that was in the email and took to Twitter to communicate that to Craig Gross.  I shall be spending this blog articulating WHY his email was so dangerous and will by referring t the email, the blog that the email is an excerpt from and my Twitter interaction with him.
  • …Right, let’s get this VISUAL NATURE nonsense.
  • Cordelia Fine’s book “Delusions of Gender” is a must read for anyone who wants to understand the basics of neurobiology.  NOTHING IS HARDWIRED IN THE BRAIN.  The last ten years has seen neuroscience reject the idea of hardwiring in the brain.  The most recent science states that NEUROPLASTICITY (http://www.whatisneuroplasticity.com) is how the brain works.
  • The frontal cortex of the brain (the bit which deals with cognition) only really begins to develop after birth.  This means that almost everything brain based is malleable according to context and socialisation.
  • It is not in men’s “nature” to be visual, it is in their socialisation.

Continue reading “We’re All Visual – Responding to Common Christian Claim that Only Men Are Visual – via God Loves Women blog”

Married Man Paid Prostitute with Charity Money and Tipped Her With a Pet Monkey

Married Man Paid Prostitute with Charity Money and Tipped Her With a Pet Monkey

Christians: stop making marriage out to be the norm. It’s not. More people are staying single these days.

Furthermore, Christians of the world, especially American ones: The state of being married is NOT superior to being single. Marriage does not magically transform people into responsible, loving, ethical, caring adults.

Here we have a news story of a married man who cheated on his wife with a hooker and used money meant for charity to pay the hooker. Marriage clearly did not make this guy more mature or moral.

Let this story also be a reminder that you do not, as Christians claim, have to be perfect or godly to deserve, earn, or merit a spouse. If God permits idiots like this guy to get a spouse, there is no damn good reason for God to keep one from you (assuming you are not a deviant wacko).

(Link):  Police: Pet store owner [Married Man] tipped prostitute with primate, stolen Girl Scout money

  • EUGENE, OR. — Police in Eugene, Oregon said a pet store owner used a bush baby and stolen Girl Scout money to tip for a prostitute.
  • McClain’s wife posted a statement on Facebook saying the store was working to get Nathan McClain’s name off of the business and banking accounts.

(Link):   Man paid prostitute with charity money and a primate, police say

Continue reading “Married Man Paid Prostitute with Charity Money and Tipped Her With a Pet Monkey”

Married Preacher Raped Two Girls in His Church and Also Had Child Sexual Abuse (Porn) Collection- Some of it obtained by placing hidden cameras in church bathroom

Married Preacher Raped Two Girls in His Church and Also Had Child Sexual Abuse (Porn) Collection- Some of it obtained by placing hidden cameras in church bathroom

I think I’ve long since given up on my parent’s idea that the way to meet a decent, kind, stand-up man to marry is at a church. (It’s a bit of a problem anyhow, since a lot of single men between the ages of 25 and 75 don’t attend churches much.)

I do not blog about every single story that I see come through my Twitter feed about Christian men (some who work as preachers) who are arrested for fondling teens, raping children, soliciting sex from minors, or having child sex abuse (aka child porn) collections.

If all I did was blog about those kind of stories, I would be on this blog 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It would be difficult for me to keep up with them all. (This blog post you see here, of this preacher who raped girls at his church, is the 3rd or 4th such story I’ve seen like this come through Twitter this week alone. And I saw a few similar stories last week and the week before.)

Not only is a guy saying he’s a Christian not a guarantee he is quality material, but this deviant guy is MARRIED.

A lot of Christians promote this untrue idea that being married is necessary to make a person fully mature, godly, and responsible. Obviously, being married does not make everyone mature and godly, because I have numerous stories like this one of married men who are guilty of raping children.

And obviously, a person does not have to reach some level of godliness or perfection – as some Christians teach – before they can land or earn a spouse on their own merit or from God. This guy is as imperfect and twisted as they come, yet he was married! God did not keep this man from getting a spouse and marrying.

So please, Christians out there, please stop advising adult singles – as some of you do – that if they are still single, it’s because God is “working on them,” God is trying to “clean them up to make them marriage material,” or they have to work on themselves to remove flaws or sins from their own life.

I am hard pressed to think of anyone more flawed and sick than a child rapist or an animal abuser, but it’s a fact that some stories you see in the news of child rapists and animal abusers are also married. It’s not a bunch of never-married adults out there raping children or harming animals.

(Link):  Arkansas pastor whose wife discovered his horrendous child porn collection will serve two life sentences over the rape of girls at his church

Continue reading “Married Preacher Raped Two Girls in His Church and Also Had Child Sexual Abuse (Porn) Collection- Some of it obtained by placing hidden cameras in church bathroom”

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles

I skimmed over this really long blog post, on Brent Detwiler’s site (link much farther below), about a guy, Caffery, who was jailed for pedophilia. Caffery has more than one victim, if I remember right.

Caffery wrote a book at one point claiming that belief in Christ changed his life for the better, and so on and so forth (amazingly, he was molesting kids while writing this book – during the same time frame).

Caffery also wrote (in a book or a letter to his church elders, I forget which) that he was afraid if his wife gave birth to a daughter, he would molest his own daughter, so he prayed and asked God for sons. His wife went on to give birth to all sons. (I think the blog post says he later had a daughter by his second wife.)

Let me pause here to say: if I were dating or engaged to a guy who told me this upfront, that he is afraid he might molest any kids we had together, I would take him at his word and dump his ass.

(I don’t know if the woman this guy married knew beforehand or not, I’m just saying if this happened to me, I would NOT stay with a guy who confessed such a thing to me.

Never, ever stay with a guy out of pity or a sense of duty – don’t feel sorry for Mr. “I might molest our kids if we have kids together” Pervert. Helping him or redeeming such a deviant is not your responsibility. Part of the reason I got sucked into my last disaster of an engagement was that I felt sorry for the guy.)

The part that really stood out to me in this blog post by DeWiler was when Caffery said after one wife divorced him, he went looking for a new wife at a large Christian church. I found this alarming and creepy.

Continue reading “Pedophiles Seeking Christian Wives in Churches – Another Reason to be Leery of the “Equally Yoked” Idea and Reconsider Church as a Place to Meet Singles”

Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli

Can someone really be a ‘born-again virgin?’ by L. Borreli

I do not support the term or concept of “born again virginity” as I’ve explained in a few previous posts, such as (Link): this one, so I shall not belabor that point here.

(Link): Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli via Medical Daily

Excerpts:

  • Is it really possible to become a “born-again virgin” through spiritual and surgical routes?
  • The Social Construct of Virginity
  • The (Link): social construct of virginity will most likely not disappear. People define virginity by what it means to them and what works in accordance to their morals and values. However, the most common definition of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal intercourse.
  • According to (Link): The Kinsey Institute: “Losing one’s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a woman’s vaginal entrance.”
  • It is believed when a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may begin to bleed a bit. However, some women don’t have much of this tissue to begin with, or have tissue that has been torn from using tampons, from masturbation, or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheet or going to the doctor is a poor way of determining whether or not a woman is a virgin.
  • Born-Again Virgin: What Is It?
  • According to Dictionary.com:
  • “Revirginzation is the process of a sexually active person attempting to regain virgin status by abstaining from sexual relations, esp. during the time just before marriage; also called secondary virginity, revirgination.”
  • UrbanDictionary defines being a born-again virgin like this:
  • “More than a year between sexual relations, with anyone else.”
  • But, how did this label come to be?
  • The concept of born-again virginity started to be embraced in the 1990s and early 2000s as abstinence education took root in public schools.

Continue reading “Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli”

Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman

Apparently, Pope John Paul II had a long term, platonic friendship with a married woman named Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka.

First, I will list an assortment of news articles summarizing the former Pope’s relationship with this woman –

And then I will link to (much farther down this page) a really good blog post by a Christian, Dan J. Brennan, who criticizes other Christians who sexualize all male-female relationships or who discourage male-female friendship. He is against the BGR (Billy Graham Rule), which teaches Christian men to sexually objectify ALL women, even celibate Christian women and keep single women at arm’s length.

(Link):  Pope John Paul II secret letters: Pontiff’s deep affection for Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka revealed

Feb 15, 2016

  • Letters shown to the BBC by the National Library of Poland have revealed an intense 30-year relationship between former Pope, John Paul II, and philosopher, Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka. There is no suggestion the late pontiff broke his vow of celibacy with Tymieniecka, a married woman.

Continue reading “Non-Romantic Nearness, The Billy Graham Rule, and Pope John Paul’s Friendship With a Married Woman”

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi

I’ve read an article about this woman’s book (“The Wild Oats Project”) before. I may have blogged on it a few months ago.

Her story makes me want to barf. She made a mockery out of her first marriage.

One problem or area of weakness I have seen with Christian teachings on sexual purity (in which I include virginity and celibacy) is that if or when Christians bother to defend or promote sexual purity anymore (they seldom do these days), is that they tend to emphasize it only for singles who are teen-agers to about their mid-20s in age.

Anyone past age 25 or 30 who is sexually abstaining is ignored by Christians in regards to sexual purity encouragement or teaching.

Married couples are usually ignored in Christian sexual purity teachings as well, although every other testimony I see on Christian blogs and television is about married couples who are porn addicts, or one partner is cheating on the other with other sexual partners.

Note in the story below that sexual behavior has consequences. It can sometimes end in negative ramifications for yourself and/or your partner.

At one point, this review says that Rinaldi goes on about how much she enjoys penises and finds them beautiful, and that she enjoys sticking them in her mouth. Warning here for any men reading: the vast majority of women do not like penises or find them beautiful.

Rather, most women think penises look horrible or ridiculous, and most do not want to perform oral sex on men.

Most women don’t enjoy looking at penises and do not enjoy (Link, off site: Should You Send A Lady A Dick Pic) getting “dick pics” on dating sites, or anywhere else.

Christians – if bothering to support virginity at all these days – will tell singles that if they wait until marriage to have sex, the wait will be worth it, because the sex will be (this is their favorite phrase in this area of discussion) “mind blowing,” and it is implied by these Christians that married sex will be regular and frequent.

What this book shows that I am blogging about here is that after several years, plenty of married couples find their sex lives to be hum-drum, routine, and boring, not “mind blowing.”

Some of these spouses are fine with routine, boring sex, but the other partner in the relationship may get bored and tired of it. That is why some of them seek out affairs or weird, kinky sex moves with each other.

One of the few positive things I can say about the revolting information and story in this review about this book is that it lays to rest some secular and Christian stereotypes about female sexuality.

Here is a long excerpt from the review:

(Link): How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – Review by L. Crocker

  • Robin Rinaldi wanted to spice up her marriage by having sex with other people—which ended up bringing a lot of heartbreak, and destroying her relationship.
  • Forty pages into her new memoir, The Wild Oats Project, Robin Rinaldi has mined every modern female anxiety: fear of being alone; boredom in monogamy; a ticking biological clock; a husband who doesn’t want children; a marriage devoid of passion.

    Rinaldi loves her husband, Scott, and has been with him for 17 years. He never wanted children, and when Rinaldi begs him to reconsider, he responds by getting a vasectomy.

    With no hope of having a family and desperate to feel passion that had long ago flickered out in her relationship, Rinaldi—then 44—negotiates an open marriage that permits both to see other people for a year.

    They jokingly refer to it as the “Wild Oats project.” She lays out ground rules—“no serious involvements, no unsafe sex, no sleeping with mutual friends”—and proceeds to break them all within a few months.

    … She advertises for hookups on Craigslist and Nerve.com (Tinder didn’t exist yet) and sleeps with men half her age…

    … Rinaldi’s husband is, for the most part, a saint. He frequently entreats her to quit the project and work on their marriage. He is patient and loving when she refuses, and reneges on his threats to leave her when she collapses in tears at his feet.

    Continue reading “How My Wild Sex Drive Killed My Marriage – review by L. Crocker of book by R. Rinaldi”

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney

My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney

The link to the article is much farther below. I wanted to say a few things first.

I’ve only read about 1/3 or 1/4th of this article so far (and have skimmed down more), and holy moly, this is one of those times where I’m all “I am so freaking glad I have never married. There ARE benefits to being single.”

I feel sorry for this lady and wish her the best, but her story does serve as some kind of reminder that marriage is not all the romantic Hollywood movies or conservative Christians make it out to be.

Note that she writes that she met her husband – who not only killed a woman years prior, but went on to rape two women – in a soup kitchen.

I mention this because often on Christian TV shows, I hear preachers tell single women who want to marry to go volunteer at soup kitchens (or other places) if they want to meet eligible men and get married. (I also to this day get similar advice from Christian family members.)

I think this is a good example of why you need to take a man’s character into account, not just his profession of beliefs, or that you even meet him at a soup kitchen.

Just because a guy APPEARS to be upstanding – he volunteers, or goes to church weekly, or reads the Bible – does not mean he’s trustworthy or ethical.

Continue reading “My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney”

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting

I think I first saw this story on Twitter, and it was later picked up by SCCL (“Stuff Christian Culture Likes”) Facebook group (they are discussing the story (Link): here)

Because of stories like this one, I’m really skeptical about the “be equally yoked” teaching that married Christians insist marriage-minded singles adhere to.

I would assume that both the husband and wife in this Null marriage are Christians – what on earth is the point in a Christian woman marrying a Christian, if the Christian husband turns around and does things like have affairs on the wife, sends nude photos of himself to other people online, and so on?

On a side note here, I’m perplexed at how and why so many “family values” Christians keep blaming things like secular feminism on the downfall of culture.

I don’t see how secular feminism bears the blame for this married Christian man sending nude photos of himself to a mistress. It seems to me that is his responsibility alone, not secular feminism, or the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

I also think this is a blow to the teaching about marriage and dating one sees from some Christians which goes like this: you have to become perfect or really godly to earn a spouse from God.

If God is permitting imperfect ass-clowns like this Null guy to have a wife – a guy who cheats on her by sending nudie photos of himself to strangers on the internet – I seriously doubt God sits about saying, “I refuse to send a spouse to this adult single over here for cutting someone off in traffic two weeks ago.”

Christians often like to tell teen aged kids that if they just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be frequent and great. If married Christian sex is so great, why was this married Christian man getting his rocks off sending nudie photos of himself to someone else?

(Link):   Austin Null of The Nive Nulls ADMITS to CHEATING for FIVE Months!

  • Austin and Britt Null uploaded an impromptu vlog entitled, “WE NEED TO TALK”, on their YouTube channel–The Nive Nulls. Austin and Brit discuss nude images and video that has surfaced of Austin Null being inappropriate with several intimate household objects. Austin says this issue has been a big part of the both of their lives for one year!

Continue reading “Christian, Family Values Vlogger – Austin Null – Caught Sexting”

How To Stop Sexualizing Everything by D. C. McAllister

How To Stop Sexualizing Everything by D. C. McAllister

Before I get to the link of the article by D C McAllister:

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This is rather long, but well worth the read:

(Link): How To Stop Sexualizing Everything by D C McAllister

Excerpts:

  • Our society needs a phileo resurgence so we can express ourselves with the nonsexual passion and love we really feel.
  • … I guess I am kind of weird. I confess: I’m very passionate about my friends. But am I the abnormal one, or is there something wrong with our society? My daughter isn’t unusual, and her response was pretty typical. Many people have that reaction to women who are passionate about their friends—and even more so for men!

    …I wish “bromance” would disappear from the American lexicon forever. That’s because it represents everything that’s wrong with our culture when it comes to friendship.

    Instead of friendship being noble, nonromantic, and normal, it has become the exception, romanticized to the point that we’re uncomfortable describing it and experiencing it for what it is. Even as we try to distinguish it from homosexuality, we are corrupting real friendship by placing it in the context of romance.

    How Romanticism and Puritanism Corrupts Friendship

    The problem with our modern culture is friendship has been corrupted. Lewis says it began with the age of sentimentality and romanticism.

    Continue reading “How To Stop Sexualizing Everything by D. C. McAllister”

Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)

Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)

A lot of Christians like to tell folks if they just hold off on sex until marriage, that the sex will be frequent and the best ever.

But then you see these letters or blog posts by married people who complain that the sex is terrible or is not happening at all. In some of these situations, the partner that wants sex will have an affair because the spouse with a low libido or sexual dysfunction is not putting out.

Christians need to stop promising singles that if they are chaste, they will have great and regular sex when they marry, and they need to continually remind married couples that celibacy is for married couples too – in a case where the husband lacks a sex drive, this does not give the wife the right to seek sex outside of marriage (or vice versa).

But too often, Christians just assume that the only persons who need to hear sermons and reminders about being sexually pure are singles. Wrong!

Note also that the woman writing this letter wants to have sex. She misses sex. Too often in secular and Christian culture, men are depicted as being randy horn dogs who always want to have sex, while married women are depicted as hating sex and not wanting it. The fact is a lot of women want sex and enjoy it. Sex isn’t for men only.

Here is the letter to Hax:

December 2015

Dear Carolyn (Hax):

  • I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, married 10. We were friends at first, and it grew into a mutual love. Generally we’re great.
  • The not-so-great part is that he stopped wanting sex, and it has been a source of contention for a few years now.

Continue reading “Woman in 16 Year Marriage That Turned Sexless Wants To Know What To Do (Hax Letter)”

Don’t want to be at the birth of your child because it will put you off sex? Man up! Women deal with it, so you should too – from DM – Why Christians Need to Teach that Sexual Ethics Are For Everyone Not Just Teens or Singles – and Male Christian Entitlement

Don’t want to be at the birth of your child because it will put you off sex? Man up! Women deal with it, so you should too – from DM – Why Christians Need to Teach that Sexual Ethics Are For Everyone Not Just Teens or Singles – and Male Christian Entitlement

Link: Don’t want to be at the birth of your child because it will put you off sex? Man up! Women deal with it, so you should too – from DM

Excerpts:

  • By TRACEY COX / FOR MAIL ONLINE
  • Earlier this week Daily Mail writer Rachel Rounds said the reason her sex life was still in tact was because her partner hadn’t seen her give birth
  • Tracey Cox is not impressed and says sex is not important at this point
  • Alongside grief and poor health, post pregnancy should be a no sex zone 
  • British mum Rachel Rounds caused quite a stir by announcing the reason her husband still fancied her is because he didn’t attend the birth of their child.

    As someone who specialises in advising people on sex and relationships, I am obviously going to champion the benefits of sex.

    But I’m also fully aware there are times when sex – very necessarily – gets put on the backburner and takes not just second, but last place on the priority list.

    If you’re grieving the loss of a parent, stressed to death at work, sick or surviving on one hour’s sleep a week with a screaming baby, who the hell even thinks about having sex, let alone makes the effort?

Continue reading “Don’t want to be at the birth of your child because it will put you off sex? Man up! Women deal with it, so you should too – from DM – Why Christians Need to Teach that Sexual Ethics Are For Everyone Not Just Teens or Singles – and Male Christian Entitlement”