The Rise Of Born-Again Virgins by L. Barr

The Rise of The Born-Again Virgin

This is actually a rather old topic. I’ve discussed it in older posts such as (Link) this one.

I’m not a big fan of this “Born Again Virgin” terminology.

Regarding consensual sex (yes, I said consensual, because anti-Sexual Purity types always want to conflate or confuse consensual sex with sexual assault in order to dismiss the entire concept of sexual purity), either one is a virgin or is not.

If you’ve had consensual sex previously but are abstaining afterwards, I think the word “celibate” would be suitable and acceptable. You’re certainly not a “virgin” and so should not go by the “born again” term.

The Rise Of Born-Again Virgins by L. Barr

Miranda Kerr and Ciara aren’t alone – here’s why more women are skipping sex, pre-marriage.

…We’re not talking surgical reconstruction of the hymen here. Becoming a born again virgin isn’t a physical concept, it’s more a conscious decision to abstain from sex until you’re married. Essentially, it’s free virginity pass, even if you’ve already done the deed a plenty, or in Kerr’s case, had a child.

…Meanwhile back in 2008, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon also declared their abstinence. “We both have similar beliefs, and I just thought that it would be so much more special if we waited until after we were married,” said Carey at the time. She divorced Cannon in 2014. Plus sized, supermodel Ashley Graham says she’d “sowed her oats” so she decided to wait until after she married her husband, Justin Ervin. When US songstress Ciara, who has a son with the rapper Future, got together with now-husband and Seattle Seahawks Quarterback, Russell Wilson, he proudly told the world they had decided not to have sex before their marriage.

‘I’m happier not hooking up’

However, it is not just celebrities that are abstaining from physical intimacy. Jo, a 28-year-old single, retail manager from Melbourne, relates to their desire to wait.

She has put the breaks on all sexual relationships until she’s found a man whose willing to put a ring on it.

Continue reading “The Rise Of Born-Again Virgins by L. Barr”

Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Relationship Lasting Guarantee Contra Comic Chelsea Handler

Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Guarantee for a Lasting Relationship – Contra Comic Chelsea Handler

The following blog post contains strong profanity in places and some frank sexual talk.
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Not that I object to this editorial per se, but it’s being carried by the same site (a pro-life site) that (Link): usually denigrates female virginity – because they put too high a premium on people pro-creating, and if a woman is remaining chaste, she is, in their opinion, in sin, or error or some sort, for not having sex and making babies, because supposedly, a woman’s only purpose in life is to make babies (even though the Bible no where teaches this concept).

But here is a guest editorial they are featuring where the author is defending a person’s right to sexually abstain, and it’ okay.

(Link): Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin

Excerpts:

  • by C. Martin
  • Our society is obsessed with talking about sex, regardless if you’re having it or not. Take for instance the recent March (Link): cover of People magazine, which featured the title, “Bachelor’s Sean & Catherine, Waiting for Our Wedding night.”
  • To make things a bit clearer, they added below the title, “No sex until ‘I do.’” The cover may intrigue those who scratch their heads, wondering in earnest why anyone would (gasp) wait to have sex.

Continue reading “Virginity is a Sacred Choice, Not a Shameful Status by C. Martin / Giving Sex to a Man is Not A Relationship Lasting Guarantee Contra Comic Chelsea Handler”

Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli

Can someone really be a ‘born-again virgin?’ by L. Borreli

I do not support the term or concept of “born again virginity” as I’ve explained in a few previous posts, such as (Link): this one, so I shall not belabor that point here.

(Link): Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli via Medical Daily

Excerpts:

  • Is it really possible to become a “born-again virgin” through spiritual and surgical routes?
  • The Social Construct of Virginity
  • The (Link): social construct of virginity will most likely not disappear. People define virginity by what it means to them and what works in accordance to their morals and values. However, the most common definition of virginity for heterosexual women is whether they have had penile-vaginal intercourse.
  • According to (Link): The Kinsey Institute: “Losing one’s virginity is a physical act, whether or not a woman notices any blood from her vagina. The reason why some women bleed when they first have sex is because a thin layer of tissue called the hymen covers part of a woman’s vaginal entrance.”
  • It is believed when a woman has sex, the hymen tears and she may begin to bleed a bit. However, some women don’t have much of this tissue to begin with, or have tissue that has been torn from using tampons, from masturbation, or from being fingered by a partner. This is why looking for blood on the sheet or going to the doctor is a poor way of determining whether or not a woman is a virgin.
  • Born-Again Virgin: What Is It?
  • According to Dictionary.com:
  • “Revirginzation is the process of a sexually active person attempting to regain virgin status by abstaining from sexual relations, esp. during the time just before marriage; also called secondary virginity, revirgination.”
  • UrbanDictionary defines being a born-again virgin like this:
  • “More than a year between sexual relations, with anyone else.”
  • But, how did this label come to be?
  • The concept of born-again virginity started to be embraced in the 1990s and early 2000s as abstinence education took root in public schools.

Continue reading “Can Someone Really Be a ‘Born-Again Virgin?’ by L. Borreli”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

A Book Called “Prude” That Uses the Term “Neo Virgin”

An author by the name of Carrie Lloyd was on Christian TV program The 700 Club today. She wrote a book called “Prude” about her choice to remain celibate after having been very sexually active while in her 20s. I think she also used the term “Neo Virgin” on the show and maybe in her book.

I have not read her book, I only saw her interview on the show today.

She was raised in a Christian household, but later drifted away from the Christian faith and then came back to the faith later.

I support her choice to remain celibate until marriage. I don’t have a problem there. However, I have to admit to not being fond of terms such as “Neo Virgin.”

Either you are a virgin or you are not one. I’m over 40 years of age and have never had sexual intercourse, not even with my ex fiance, because I was wanting to wait until marriage to have sex.

I find terms such as “Neo Virgin” or other Christian phrases such as “Born Again Virgin” or “Spiritual Virgin” to be a little demeaning to actual, honest to God virgins such as myself. Such terms dilute the real meaning of, or state of being, a virgin.

I also find it ironic that Christian culture continues to uphold fornicators as experts in how to resist sexual temptation or how to go about sexual purity and celibacy, rather than publish books by honest- to- God virgins who are past the age of 30 or older who are still maintaining their virginity.

Here is a link to a page that discusses Ms. Lloyd’s story and book:

(Link): Making Healthy Relationship Choices in an Unhealthy World

Excerpts:

  • ….Growing up, Carrie was teased about her stance on abstinence.  By the time she entered high school, she was infamous with the boys at the neighboring school as one of the last remaining virgins.  Once her photo was pinned to the school notice board.  She was the target to see which boy could get her to lose her virginity.  Her peers didn’t feel the same way she did.  “No one wanted to save it for one person,” says Carrie.  “This subtle prejudice toward my choices made me more determined to hold out.”
  • …. Meanwhile, women were fighting for someone to love them.  “I call this the curse of Eve,” says Carrie.  The curse says, “Everything will be redeemed once I have found my husband,” and that a woman will be happier having found her purpose.
  • THE DECADENT DAYS
  • Carrie was 18 when her father underwent a serious heart operation so severe it almost killed him and left him with some brain damage.  In his effort to deal with his pain, Carrie’s dad began to drink.  “Seeing my preacher papa enter into substance abuse caused me to question everything he taught,” says Carrie.  “What happened to relying on God?”
  • When she was 23, Carrie’s dad passed away.  One night Carried decided to walk away from God.  She was mad at God and men and started on the path of hurting others.  Several years later, Carrie had several physical relationships and reached the lowest point of her life since her father died.  She prayed to God and heard an inaudible voice that said, I’ve been here all along.  Carrie realized that God had never left her.

According to the rest of the article, and from what I remember from the TV interview, when she decided at some stage in her late 20s (or her 30s?) to remain abstinent, some of the men she dated broke up with her. One guy did stay with her for two years and respected her “no sex until I marry” belief, but the relationship ended, though not due to the celibate aspect.

Here is a page about her book:

(Link):  Prude: Misconceptions Of A Neo-Virgin

  • Overview
  • “SEX. LOVE. VIRGINITY? In the dating game, the V-word has become as strange and complicated as the L-word, with purity as outdated as pay phones.
  • What is an ex-athiest, post-porn addict, unorthodox Christian girl to do these days?
  • How can she create boundaries without scaring off every available guy? Is purity even possible without being puritanical? In this candid, humorous account of the true-life trials of Christian dating, the author shares the wisdom she’s gleaned in her quest for love in a modern world.
  • She guides with grace and honesty through the often hush-hush topics of sex, porn, shame, female competition, misconceptions about purity, and those dreaded “waiting till marriage: conversations.

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Related Posts:

(Link):  Churches Would Rather Hear From Ex Porn Stars Than Adult Celibates or Virgins – Church Invites Ex Porn Star to be Guest Speaker

 (Link):   Why are young feminists so clueless about sex? by M. Wente

(Link): Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor – Secondary or Spiritual Virginity

(Link): Celebrity Deems Herself A Born Again Virgin And Vows to Stay Celibate “For A Year” – Oh Puh-leaze

(Link):  Woman Says She Refuses to Hook-up with Men ‘For Fun’ – Says Most Men She’s Met Are Willing to Wait

(Link):  How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

(Link):  She’s Waiting Until Marriage to Have Sex. Here’s Her Response to Those ‘Inevitable Jerks’ Who Think Her Decision Is ‘Stupid’ – by E. Kahn

(Link):  Sometimes Fornication Can Impact Another Relationship Later – One Example

(Link):  When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

(Link): Self Control – everyone has it, is capable of it, but most choose not to use it (New Study Says Conservatives Have Better Self Control Than Liberals)

(Link):  Hypocrisy: Secular Pundits Judge Christian Sexuality: Josh Duggar’s So-Called Vanilla Sexual Preferences Deemed Dull

(Link): False Christian Teaching: “Only A Few Are Called to Singleness and Celibacy”

(Link): Statistics Show Single Adults Now Outnumber Married Adults in the United States (2014)

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link):  Ever Notice That Christians Don’t Care About or Value Singleness, Unless Jesus Christ’s Singleness and Celibacy is Doubted or Called Into Question by Scholars?

(Link):  Are Single People the Lepers of Today’s Church? by Gina Dalfonzo

(Link):  No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

(Link): Secular, Left Wing Feminist Writer Marcotte on Anyone Choosing To Be a Virgin Until Marriage: “It’s a Silly Idea” – What Progressive Christians, Conservative Christians, Non Christians, and Salon’s Amanda Marcotte Gets Wrong About Christian Views on Virginity

(Link): Want To But Can’t – The One Christian Demographic Being Continually Ignored by Christians | Re: Marriage Not Happening for Hetero-sexual Christians Over the Age of 30

(Link): On ‘Late’-In-Life Virginity Loss (from The Atlantic)

(Link): Why Some People Become 30 Year Old Virgins (Article / Study)

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

(Link): Some Atheists Are Just As Ignorant About Adult Singleness and Celibacy as Progressive Christians, Secular Feminists, and Protestant Evangelical or Conservative Christians

(Link): Celebrities who waited until marriage to have sex (list 2)

(Link): Living Myths About Virginity – article from The Atlantic

(Link): I Shouldn’t Need An Excuse To Be A Virgin – (Secular Editorial Defends Virginity – More Rare Than a Unicorn Sighting)

(Link): Virgins and Celibates are Sexual – Not Asexual and Androgynous – You don’t have to have sex to possess sexuality

(Link): Asexuality and Asexuals

(Link):  Meagan Good Tells Single Women Why They Should Stop Having Sex

(Link):  Preacher: ‘They Will Know We Are Christians By Our Hot SEX Lives’ – and once more, never-married celibate adults and their experiences, wisdom, and input are ignored

(Link):  Want To Grow Your Church? Advertise Sex (Story via A Little Leaven Blog)

(Link):  The Decisive Marriage – Study Says Couples Who Don’t Have Pre-Marital Sex, or Not Much or Not Many Sexual Partners Pre-Marriage, Have Better Quality or Longer Lasting Marriages

(Link): Weak Argument Against Celibacy / Virginity / Sexual Purity by the Anti Sexual Purity Gestapo – Sexual Compatibility or Incompatibility – (i.e., Taking Human Beings For Test Spins – Humans As Sexual Commodities) (Part 2)

(Link):   Stop Pretending Sex Never Hurts, By D.C. McAllister

(Link):  The Myth of Safe Sex by D. Foley

Russell Wilson, Ciara, and Who Else Is Not Having Sex – via CT

Russell Wilson, Ciara, and Who Else Is Not Having Sex

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Reminder

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Russell Wilson, Ciara, and Who Else Is Not Having Sex

You know what most of these writers and most of the media never report on or comment on? People who are still virgins over the age of 30.

They marvel at these celebrities who are around 27 or 34 years old (which the following page I link you to discusses), ones who were previously fornicating, but who become engaged, and then stay celibate until their wedding day six months later.

Big deal.

I’m over 40 and haven’t had sex at all… the Christian media is not celebrating adults such as myself. (And I have a sex drive.)

This also points out one minor point I mentioned once or twice before on my own blog- not everyone is having sex. But you wouldn’t know this from our hyper sexualized cutlure.

This page below also links to a few articles I’ve linked to here on my blog a year or more ago.

(Link): Russell Wilson, Ciara, and Who Else Is Not Having Sex by K. Shellnut

Excerpts:

  • ….But the public face of abstinence is changing. It’s no longer just teens from super-Christian homes or the ones we fear will ditch their promise rings any day now. Take the case of Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson and hip-hop singer Ciara.
  • Wilson, 26 years old and a practicing Christian, ended his marriage to his high school sweetheart two years ago. Ciara—known for songs such as “Goodies,” “1-2 Step,” and, most recently, “Dance Like We’re Making Love”—has dated a string of rappers and has a young son. Because both of them are attractive, famous adults who have been in sexual relationships in the past, many would assume they’d inevitably sleep together. It’s the 21st century, and that’s what hot people do. But at Wilson’s request, they chose not to.
  • ….Evangelicals constantly point out elements of today’s hyper-sexualized culture: the rise of sexting, widespread porn use, the normalization of cohabitation, and the prevalence of revealing images of women in the media. These things remain significant issues as the church promotes a Christian sexual ethic. But for all the concerns about the place of sex in our society, this counter-trend—singles opting out of sex by choice or by circumstance—rarely comes up.

Continue reading “Russell Wilson, Ciara, and Who Else Is Not Having Sex – via CT”

Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins – No, I am not joking

Preacher Invents New Term For Fornicators: Recycled Virgins

How I wish I were kidding, but I am not.

A preacher was interviewed about what kind of dating advice he would give to his kids or something. He says he would tell them to marry a virgin or a “recycled virgin.”

A RECYCLED VIRGIN. I am not joking. He actually used the phrase “recycled virgin.” As though people who have sex before marriage are soda pop cans.

As someone in the comments pointed out, either one is a virgin or is not a virgin. There can be such a thing as a “forgiven fornicator,” if the person asks God for forgiveness, but there is no such thing as a “recycled virgin.” That phrase is actually more ridiculous than previous ones I’ve blogged about before, such as “born again virgin.”

By the way, I noticed that this guy – and I’m sure he means well – never the less has created too many mate-selection criteria. He has too many points he thinks a woman should check off before she can marry a guy.

Now, I am not saying a woman should compromise HER standards, or date a big loser out of desperation, or just marry any old guy for the sake of marrying just to be married, BUT, some Christians come up with such stringent, long, detailed lists concerning mate criteria, they are ensuring themselves (or whomever they are advising) a life time of singleness. That is kind of what this guy is doing.

I wonder why this father assumes that his daughter’s heart is “more tender” than his son’s? Does he think women are more emotional or weaker than guys? If so, I think that view shortchanges both girls and boys. Some boys are very easily hurt and sensitive, while some girls are tough as nails.

If he simply means his daughter in particular is known to be sensitive, and he’s framing his advice to her in that regard, I’m fine with that.

However, if he has some kind of gender stereotype where he assumes that because his daughter is a girl this automatically means she is more easily hurt or broken, that bothers me.

Here are excerpts from the interview.

Dating Styles of Megachurch Pastor’s Kids: Rock Church Pastor Teaches Children to Detect ‘Counterfeit’ Christians

  • BY STEPHANIE SAMUEL , CHRISTIAN POST REPORTER
    February 26, 2015|9:50 am
  • The Rock Church’s Marriage and Parenting Pastor Darren Carrington says parents need to teach their children from an early age about dating and marriage so they can spot “counterfeit” Christians who attend church but show no spiritual growth.
  • The NFL player-turned-pastor at the San Diego megachurch founded by Pastor Miles McPherson, also a former San Diego Chargers football player, said he started teaching his two daughters and son about marriage from birth, modeling with wife, Vickie, what a “loving, imperfect, fun marriage” looks like.
  • The Carringtons also began talking to their children about dating when they were 14 years old. However in this fast-paced society, Carrington suggests parents start talking to their children sooner.

    CP: What traits, qualities, and actions have you advised your children to look for in a potential spouse and why?

    Carrington: A man or woman of God is actively growing in Christ (different from a church attender), who bases decisions through the lens of Jesus. Someone who is loving, wise, kind, minimal baggage, fun, effective communicator, pride-less, a leader, a pure or recycled virgin. It’s important to look for qualities that are sustainable, because that is what will last.

  • CP: How did your advice or approach differ from what you told your daughters to what you told your son?
  • Carrington: We are more protective over our daughters because their hearts are more tender.
  • As far as advice, it didn’t differ a lot, other than for our son to seek a wife who is respectful (submissive), who knows how to love as well as receive love. One who also has good relationship with her father. As for our daughters, seek a man who is a servant leader, a gentleman and who has a good relationship with his mother.

A “recycled virgin?” For reals? Oh brother. There simply is no such thing.

By all means, tell sexual sinners God can and will forgive them of sexual sin, but please, do not diminish honest to goodness, actual virginity, by slapping labels such as “recycled virginity” on to fornication.

God does not tend to use euphemisms like that in the Bible, to make sin seem softer and gentler than it is, not that I can recall.

Christians do this constantly, in almost every television program, blog post, or magazine article I’ve seen the last few years. They are so concerned they not hurt the feelings of people who have sinned sexually, that they besmirch, diminish, and disrespect virginity and celibacy in the process.

Apparently, most Christians do not care at all if they are hurting people who are virgins or celibates in the process of oh so carefully sparing the feelings of sexual sinners (specifically, people who have sexual intercourse prior to marriage).

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Related Posts:

(Link):  Article: Our Born-Again Virgin Bachelor

(Link):  Update on Born Again Virgin Reality Star TV Guy – and Christians and Their Smokin’ Hot Wives

‘Old Fashioned’: Your Christian-Friendly, Kink-Free Alternative to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

‘Old Fashioned’: Your Christian-Friendly, Kink-Free Alternative to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Yeah. And so many conservative Christians (and goodness knows the more liberal ones) insist that Christians are obsessed with virginity or make virginity an idol? No, no they don’t – the church is obsessed with SEX. Another piece of evidence:

(Link): Make Chaste: How the Faith-Based Counterpart to 50 Shades of Grey Came to Be

As a chaste single, who was totally Christian until about a year ago, I have little to no interest in seeing this movie. And I’m the target demo, supposedly (unless they are aiming only for 20 year old virgins and nobody over age 30?)

More links about the film:

(Link): New film “Old Fashioned” is 50 Shades of Grey for Christians, claims its creator

    Rik Swartzwelder says the movie – which will be released simultaneously with its rival – is more spiritual than sexual – a love story without BDSM

(Link): Faith Based Romance “Old Fashioned” Battles 50 Shades of Grey on Valentine’s Day

(Link): ‘Fifty Shades’ to be Challenged by Faith-Based Romance

(Link): Old Fashioned: 50 Shades of Grey without BDSM

(Link): ‘Old Fashioned’: Your Christian-Friendly, Kink-Free Alternative to ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’

Excerpt:

    If the (very tame) trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey made you clutch your pearls in horror, there’s a movie for you: Old Fashioned, a Christian romance opening against the bondage flick.

    Did you watch the new trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey and immediately think to yourself, “That looks okay, I guess, but instead of a parade of seductive stares, bondage, and Beyoncé, I’d much rather go see a chaste, Christian-friendly love story on Valentine’s Day next year?”

    If that was somehow you, your prayers have been answered.
    Variety reports that Freestyle Releasing, which distributed the successful anti-atheism, Duck-Dynasty-stars-featuring film God’s Not Dead, is serving up a Christian-friendly alternative to the kink and glamour of the Fifty Shades of Grey film adaptation.

    The indie flick—titled Old Fashioned — is also set for release on Valentine’s Day 2015, and follows the romance between a reformed frat bro and free-spirited lady.

    Freestyle co-president Mark Borde says the film specifically targets the “underserved” Christian-singles community. “Chivalry makes a comeback,” reads the film’s tagline.

    “I wanted to tell a love story that takes the idea of godly romance seriously,” Rik Swartzwelder, writer, director, and star, told Variety.

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Related posts:

(Link): Goodbye to romance: Are rom-coms worse than porn? (How Hollywood Feeds Into People’s Tendency to Idolize Marriage and Turn a Spouse Into a Deity)

(Link): Sex, movies and the desperate attempt to shock audiences. (Hint: it’s not working.) by A. Hornaday

(Link): Virgin Shaming: Hollywood’s Attack on Purity (by B. Bowen)

(Link): Christian Hollywood Rorschach – seeing Jesus in every single show, movie, or fictional character

(Link): Movie About Female Virginity – The To Do List – released July or August 2013

Christian Mouthpiece – Russell Moore – Who Says Christians Are Prideful About Virginity Has Audacity to Make Pro Sexual Purity Arguments on TGC (Gospel Coalition) Site

Christian Mouthpiece Who Says Christians Are Prideful About Virginity Has Audacity to Make Pro Sexual Purity Arguments on TGC (Gospel Coalition) Site

Russell Moore is being a hypocrite on this topic. He speaks out of both sides of his mouth about it.

(Link): Can We Trade Sexual Morality for Church Growth? by Russell Moore, hosted on TGC site

Here is an excerpt or two from that page with observations by me below the excerpts:

    by Russell Moore

    From time to time we hear some telling us that evangelical Christianity must retool our sexual ethic if we’re ever going to reach the next generation.

    Some say that Millennials, particularly, are leaving the church because of our “obsession” with sexual morality. The next generation needs a more flexible ethic, they say, on premarital sex, homosexuality, and so on. We’ll either adapt, the line goes, or we’ll die.

    …Always Difficult

    The same is true with a Christian sexual ethic. Sexual morality didn’t become difficult with the onset of the sexual revolution. It always has been. Walking away from our own lordship, or from the tyranny of our desires, has always been a narrow way. The rich young ruler wanted a religion that would promise him his best life now, extended out into eternity. But Jesus knew that such an existence isn’t life at all, just the zombie corpse of the way of the flesh. He came to give us something else, to join us to his own life.

    …But even if it “worked” to negotiate away sexual morality for church growth, we wouldn’t do it. We can only reach Millennials, and anyone else, by reaching them with the gospel, good news for repentant sinners through the shed blood and empty tomb of Jesus Christ.

    If we have to choose between Millennials and Jesus, we choose Jesus.

    …No Amendment

    Some think the Christian sexual ethic is akin to our congregation’s constitution and by-laws, that it can be amended by a two-thirds vote. But this isn’t the case. Sexuality isn’t ancillary to the gospel but is itself an embodied icon of the gospel, pointing us to the union of Christ and his church (Eph. 5:29-32).

    This is why the Bible speaks of sexual immorality as having profound spiritual consequences (1 Cor. 6:17-20), ultimately leading, if not repented of, to exile from the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-10).

    Sexual immorality isn’t simply a matter of neurons firing. A Christian view of reality means that the body is a temple, set apart to be a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. Sexual immorality isn’t just bad for us (although it is); it’s also an act of desecrating a holy place.

And Moore’s editorial goes on like that for several additional paragraphs.

I don’t think a guy who advises Christian virgins that they are “idolizing” virginity if they are upset or disappointed that their betrothed is a non-virgin – as Moore has done preivously (see link below) – is really in a place to opine about how churches should not “trade sexual morality for church growth.”

Even sadder is that a well-known Christian apologetics group was tweeting a link to this Moore editorial yesterday, as though they approve of it.

I tweeted them a link to my rebuttal:
(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

A person who claims to represent Christian sexual ethics and who scolds a virgin Christian for wanting, or hoping, to marry another Christian virgin, and accusing her of “idolizing virginity” or “being prideful” about it, has no place to write

    “Sexual immorality isn’t simply a matter of neurons firing. A Christian view of reality means that the body is a temple, set apart to be a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. Sexual immorality isn’t just bad for us (although it is); it’s also an act of desecrating a holy place”

and similar things.

Continue reading “Christian Mouthpiece – Russell Moore – Who Says Christians Are Prideful About Virginity Has Audacity to Make Pro Sexual Purity Arguments on TGC (Gospel Coalition) Site”

Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America by Guy Chmiesleki – Also: My additional views on the matter

Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America by Guy Chmiesleki

(Link): Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America

Excerpts (these are only portions; click the link above to read the whole page):

    The call to young Christians to be abstinent until marriage is not working.

    Why do I say that?

    The September/October 2011 issue of Relevant Magazine, in an article entitled (Almost) Everyone’s Doing It, starts with the following revelation:

    Eighty percent of young, unmarried Christians have had sex. Two-thirds have been sexually active in the past year.

    Even though, according to a recent Gallup poll, 76% of Evangelicals believe sex outside of marriage is morally wrong.

80% of young, unmarried Christians have had sex… Wow! 66% of them have been sexually active in the past year. And yet three-quarters of Evangelical Christians believe this is wrong.

In January of 2011 I wrote a post on my blog entitled, “Is sex before marriage really a sin?” I did this because I had increasingly been asked by “committed Christians” whether or not this was true — and where it said so in the Bible.

I figured that other campus ministers, pastors, parents, professors, etc. (the primary target of my blog) were likely experiencing something similar.

To my surprise, this post blew up and became the most viewed post on my blog for 2011. In fact, some version of “is sex before marriage a sin” or “is sex before marriage really a sin” shows up in the “key words” search of my google analytics (it’s a blog stat tracker — sorry for the nerdy blog lingo) multiple times everyday. Everyday!

And I’m quite certain that it’s not a bunch of non-Christians out there googling these words in an attempt to find justification for their sexually-free lifestyle.

No. It’s Christians who are single and either having sex, or really wanting to have sex, who are looking for justification… OR it’s someone who cares about them and is trying to find something definitive to read, study and point their sexually-active loved one towards.

A big part of the problem with abstinence is that it’s only half of the picture.

Christian pastors and parents are telling their kids to abstain from having sex (making it sound bad, or even evil), or to wait on sex until they are married (not considering that some –many — won’t ever get married…

or will have to wait for a long time before they say “I do”), and they’re not giving them any suggestions about how to deal with all of the natural urges and inclinations their young bodies are constantly bombarding them with.

This is why I like the idea of celibacy over abstinence. Celibacy includes the premise of abstinence — in that you need to hold off on sexual activity until marriage (should that happen for them… someday) — but it adds to it the bigger, more inclusive notion that for now (and for always) we can delight ourselves in God. We abstain from sexual activity and redirect those energies towards our pursuit of Jesus.

Continue reading “Why Abstinence Isn’t Working in America by Guy Chmiesleki – Also: My additional views on the matter”

More Snarky Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group – the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – and a Proud Slut Parody

More Snarky Virgin- and Celibate- Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group and the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – also: A Proud Slut Parody

Notice: this post contains some adult, racy, salty language – and some raunchy, sexual content

—————————————
Link to the Facebook group:
(Link): The anti-purity movement

I do see one or two articles on the group I think I would probably agree with (just by going title alone, I have not read the pages), such as:

    But I need to ask, “Is it the purity culture that is to blame? Or is it the purity message?” A culture contains fallen humans and so any “culture” can become oppressive.

    I need to know if it is the purity message itself that is causing the harm. I want to address the factors that I think are causing the pain, but also look at the alternative.

    If we throw away purity culture, what will take its place and will the alternative be any better?

The person behind that group (the Anti Purity Facebook group) links to something on their Facebook group called:

“No Shame Movement” (noshamemovement), whose tag line is, “No Shame Movement functions as a platform to share stories of unlearning purity culture.”

I counter that with:
(Link): Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming

Here is a page that satirizes the idea of virginity until marriage – the person at the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook group is very fond of this page; the group owner said ((Link): source),

    This is the best, snarkiest, most perfect post about “second virginity”, and the author wins the internet with it. Absolute perfection.

The page starts out ridiculing “secondary” virginity (which I’ve written about a few times on my own blog, such as (Link): this post and (Link): this post and a few others), in which they might have had a legitimate basis for critiquing, but, their opening salvo can also be applied to actual virgins – so I have to give them a big “fail” on the parts that can apply equally to true virginity.

Continue reading “More Snarky Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming, Courtesy the “The anti-purity movement” Facebook Group – the blog page “My Secondary Virginity” – and a Proud Slut Parody”

Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin – I Notice It’s the Fornicators Who Want to Ignore or Downplay the Bible’s Teaching that People Are To Stay Virgins Until Marriage

Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin

I am not in complete agreement with all points raised in this editorial farther below.

In particular, I disagree with this view (among a few other portions of the essay):

    Additionally, Christians should extol obedience— in all its forms— not virginity. Chastity is, after all, an act of obedience

Yes, virginity should in fact be extolled; currently in Christian culture, as well as this very editorial, it is being disrespected and downplayed.

You know the Christians who do not want virginity upheld, valued and extolled? None of them were virgins when they married.

The people who have failed at the Biblical command to remain virgins until marriage are the ones who want the teaching ignored or watered down.

You may possibly be able to find some Christian somewhere, who stayed a virgin past age 35, who feels Christians should ditch or downplay the virginity teachings and stop esteeming virginity, but by and large, most of the people I am seeing talking smack about virginity are fornicators.

Some are self-admitted: they will tell you they boinked around a lot as teen aged kids and hearing sexual purity lessons in Bible class when they were 18 or 25 years of age hurt their feelings or made them feel ashamed.

This is like a convicted thief telling Christians,

    “Look, I’m 35 years old now. When I was a teen ager, I robbed a lot of convenience stores and a few banks.

All those sermons I heard against theft when I was 18 or 25, and all the lessons on how stealing is wrong I heard at age 19 in Sunday School, made me feel so dirty and ashamed!

Therefore, I think Christians should stop condemning theft and esteeming honesty in particular and just speak in very generic terms about being ethical in a very vague way.”

That is what fornicators, those who had pre-martial sex, are asking the rest of Christian culture to do in regards to sexual sin and virginity.

And it makes no sense to me why Christians should stop condemning “sin X” or stop extolling “virtue Z” just because some have failed to do “Z” or feel guilty about “X.”

I am not sure I am comfortable or trusting of sexual sinners dictating to the rest of the Christian community how churches should be discussing or handling topics such as sexual sin and virginity. (It also reminds one of this: (Link): How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)))

Virginity is a form of obedience, how odd the writer of this piece assumes otherwise.

Oddly, while this paper at “Christianity Today” portends to defend virginity in some fashion, it actually puts virginity down by saying virginity is a lost cause and Christians should really only support a broader concept of purity or chastity. ~Way to abandon adults who have remained virgins past age 35, author of this web page.

(Link): Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin

    As the saying goes, we didn’t start the fire.
    by Karen Swallow Prior

Even in the midst of a sexual revolution, of a generation drawn to open relationships, hookup culture, and “polyamory,” virginity still enthralls.
Yet another beautiful young woman is auctioning hers off.

The cable show My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding juxtaposes a cultural expectation to maintain virginity until marriage with a flashy celebration on the day-of. Feminist defenses of virginity crop up on edgy websites. A burgeoning academic field is devoted to (Link): “virginity studies.” Even the “first kiss” video that recently went viral is but a variation on the “first time” theme.

In the midst of this, younger evangelicals question the church’s message to encourage Christians to maintain “purity” until marriage. They have a point: some of our efforts cross the line between encouraging chastity and venerating virginity. But as the examples above show, making an idol out of virginity is a problem that’s much bigger than evangelicalism.

A recent (Link): article [Naked and Ashamed: Women and Evangelical Purity Culture] at The Other Journal that details virginity’s history in the church moves toward correcting a myopic vision that can’t see past the pews of personal experience to the broader historical and cultural contexts. Yet, the exaltation of virginity for virginity’s sake began, and continues, well outside the church.

Rather than merely an evangelical hang-up, our adoration of virginity is a universal impulse with a long tradition.

Throughout human history, virgins have been worshipped in paintings, sculptures, poetry, prose, and song. Today’s church needs to do a better job at distinguishing between biblical and cultural views of virginity to develop a robust theology of the body, human sexuality, and chastity.

Chastity, sexual abstinence outside of marriage and faithfulness within it, has been a distinctive of the Christian church since its beginnings, brought into sharp relief by an array of sexual practices found in the surrounding pagan cultures.

Unlike the balanced view of sexuality offered by the church—as a gift that promotes human flourishing when expressed within the limits of its Creator’s design—ancient sexual practices embraced the extremes: homosexual pederasty, for example, on one end and sacred virginity on the other.

…Fascination with virginity is by no means limited to medieval Catholics, courtiers, and queens—and virginity was no less fashionable in the modern era.

In the Victorian age, women were caught in a double bind: in her idealized role as wife and mother, the Victorian woman couldn’t, of course, be a perpetual virgin and fulfill those roles, so she was exalted instead as the “Angel in the House.”

In the meantime, a thriving prostitution industry arose, perpetuating a dichotomous view of women as either angels or whores and nothing in between.

… Christians, of course, are commanded to live chaste lives before and during marriage. But when we decontextualize the purpose and meaning of virginity or attempt to promote it through guilt or gimmicks, the church reflects ancient myths and modern fetishes more than biblical principles.

While there’s no formula for how Christians can encourage chastity without accommodating cultural practices that are at odds with biblical principles, a few guidelines come to mind.

First, chastity is best cultivated within the context of vibrant relationship and genuine community.

Yet, the (Link): rituals and (Link): pledges [Study: Abstinence Pledges Aren’t Enough] popular with some Christians reflect ancient pagan rites more than a biblical faith centered on personal relationship.

Continue reading “Long Editorial about Virginity at CT – Don’t Blame Evangelicals for the Cult of the Virgin – I Notice It’s the Fornicators Who Want to Ignore or Downplay the Bible’s Teaching that People Are To Stay Virgins Until Marriage”

Stop Rewarding People For Their Failure – Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences – Allowing Sinners To Re-Define Biblical Terms and Standards

Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences

The over-riding point I wanted to make in my post from yesterday, but I do not think I was clear enough about it (I was half asleep when I wrote the last blog page) is that Christians speak out of both sides of their mouth on the sexual sins front, but then, ironically, have the nerve to complain about sexual sins.

On the one hand, a lot of American, socially conservative Christians complain, whine, and cry about the high rates of fornication, adultery, and homosexual sex and homosexual marriage in American culture, but then turn around and downplay, ridicule, or water down the Bible’s teachings about sexual purity, virginity, and celibacy in their blogs, magazines, sermons, television appearances, and pod casts.

If you want to know one reason homosexuality has taken off or received an embrace among evangelicals to the degree it has, and why there is more fornication now, even among Christians, it’s because the church does not esteem, defend, and respect adult singleness, virginity, and celibacy.

Good lord knows churches either insult adult singles or refuse to help them, something I’ve written of before in several posts, including this one:

Ignoring adult singles and their needs, a respectable amount of whom are staying celibate, or insulting adult singles, and treating them like second class citizens, acting as though singleness and celibacy are not as good and worthy as marriage, or acting as though adult singles are failures (and many married Christians do in fact behave in these ways or adhere to these stereotypes), is contributing to the rise of sexual sin in the church.

Even socially conservative Christians have taken it upon themselves within the last several years to be influenced by emergents, liberal Christians, and post-evangelicals to water-down virginity and celibacy, if not ceasing to preach about the worth of both altogether.

These groups – no longer the post-evangelicals and liberal Christians only, but also the conservatives now – are attempting to re-define terms and words, as well.

Some want to do away with the word “fornication,” for example, because they feel it is too old-fashioned or too judgmental.

Starting around ten years ago, I started hearing Christians on Christian talk shows use phrases such as “born again virgin” or “secondary virginity” which are phrases that are applied to Christians who have committed sexual sin, to make them feel less guilty about having sexual failings.

I do believe that the terms “sexual purity” and “virginity” are inter-changable, but I am seeing more and more Christians try to divide the two, by explaining that sexual purity is not tantamount to virginity – and I disagree.

That is not to say that a fornicator cannot cease having pre-marital sex, because a fornicator can make a change and stop fornicating. That is true.

But, it is also true that virginity is a form of sexual purity. But more and more Christians today are denying that “virginity = sexual purity,” because a lot of self professing Christians have failed to keep their virginity intact until marriage.

It’s so strange to me, and an abject travesty, that Christians are seeking to change biblical teachings, to move the goal posts on what constitutes acceptable and un-acceptable behavior, all based upon people’s failings, sins, and feelings.

It seems to me that robbery is on the increase in the last several years.

Why are we not seeing these same Christians, who are so willing to pardon sexual sin and downplay celibacy – saying things like,

    “Let’s not refer to robbery as “stealing” anymore, let’s call it by a euphemism, so as not to hurt the feelings of bank robbers. Let’s stop sermonizing against theft, because if we keep insisting the God of the Bible is opposed to theft, it might hurt the feelings of all the kleptomaniacs out there. Let’s not positively teach about, or encourage, honesty and holding down an honest day’s labor at a 9- to- 5 job.”

Why would you re-define standards and rules, all to spare the feelings of people who fail to keep those rules and standards, who do not even attempt to keep the rules?

If a person keeps failing at something (as in sexual abstinence), rather than encourage that person to buck up and improve, the majority of the Christian culture very oddly has decided a winning strategy is to go the opposite direction, which is quite un-biblical, and say, “hey, we get it – you cannot help but fail in this area, so don’t even try. Just give up, cave in, and later call yourself a ‘born again virgin.'”

FFS, Christian people. You cannot sit there and say virginity, sexual purity, and celibacy are really not all that important, as is your habit, and tell people you expect them to fail at biblical sexual ethics, then turn around and complain that homosexual and hetero fornication rates are sky rocketing.

Continue reading “Stop Rewarding People For Their Failure – Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences – Allowing Sinners To Re-Define Biblical Terms and Standards”

Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

This is one of those pieces that seems to seek, at least on some level, to affirm virginity, celibacy, and sexual purity, but in the end scheme of things, somewhat undermines all of it to say Christians need to soften their stance on all these issues, because, gosh durn it, don’t you know that some women (who have engaged in consensual pre-marital sex) get really hurt feelings when they hear that the Bible condemns sexual sin, and such teachings makes them doubt their self-worth?

Sexual abuse victims are also tossed into the mix, which is one of my huge pet peeves in these discussions about sexual purity and virginity.

Folks need to keep these issues separate.

Bringing up rape and sexual abuse in conversations about the Bible’s standards on consensual sexual activities unnecessarily muddies the waters, and has the effect of Christians saying,

    “These purity and virginity discussions make abuse and rape victims feel just awful, so let’s just water the Bible’s sexual standards down, and even pretend like the Bible does not demand that all people remain virgins until marriage. This will spare the feelings of so many sexual abuse victims.”

The Bible’s teachings on sexual ethics in regards to consensual sex become negated, in other words.

It’s really kind-hearted, nice, and considerate to care about people’s feelings, but to the point where one’s sense of compassion and kindness over-rides definite standards of right and wrong as laid out in the Bible, and to say, “Aw shucks, let’s just explain away or ignore the Bible’s teachings on ‘Topic X!’,” to spare that person’s feelings, no. At that stage, I think you have tip-toed over into heresy.

Notice, too, that even in the headline that the notion of even defending the Bible’s view on sexuality is termed in a derogatory manner: if you are someone who defends the Bible’s position on sex, you are referred to as a “purity pusher.”

Continue reading “Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position”

Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

You know the standard Christian propaganda: wait until you get married to have sex, and the sex will be GREAT! Unless, of course, you end up in a (Link): sexless marriage, because your spouse develops health problems, was sexually abused in childhood, is under too much job stress, or…

(Link): How my husband forgot sex

    by SONYA LEA
    Feb 12, 2014

    When we were younger, he was the one who taught me to explore. Then he had cancer surgery — and came out a virgin

(Link): Husband Forgets How to Have Sex After Botched Cancer Surgery

From page 1:

    Feb. 20, 2014
    By SUSAN DONALDSON JAMES

    In 2003, as Richard Bandy prepared for cancer surgery that would bathe his abdomen in hot tumor-killing chemicals, he and his wife, writer Sonya Lea, talked about the possibility of his death, but also about potential impotence.

    The couple, then in their 40s, had been sweethearts since high school and said they enjoyed a close, sexually charged relationship.

    “We did the usual things everyone does with a life-threatening illness — we got wills ready and secured all the practical business,” said Lea, 54, who now lives in Seattle.

    “We looked at what our dreams were for life and got our bucket list,” she told ABCNews.com. “We were so optimistic. If sex doesn’t work, we’ll figure out other forms of sharing our erotic life. Many people who are injured or impotent have active sexual lives and we think we can do this.”

    Bandy even discussed allowing Lea to take another lover.

    Chemo bath heats up debate about radical cancer treatments.

    What they didn’t expect was that surgery would go terribly wrong and internal bleeding would cause a brain injury. In the decade since, Bandy could physically have sex, but his personality was forever altered.

    “You go into surgery, and you don’t imagine you will end up with a different man at the end of it,” said Lea.

    In a Feb. 12 article for Salon, (Link): “How My Husband Forgot Sex,” Lea writes about Bandy’s loss of short- and long-term memory and his ability to initiate and recall decades of marital intimacy.

    “The man who taught me to explore, has become as unknowing as a stranger in a strange land,” she writes. “Three years after the brain injury, it still isn’t possible for him to ask what he wants, or conduct a conversation, or remember the ways my body responds.”

    Bandy had a rare form of pseudomyxoma peritonei or PMP, a cancer that currently only affects about 5,000 Americans, according to Dr. Paul Sugarbaker, director of the Center for Gastrointestinal Malignancies at the Medstar Washington Hospital Center. It develops after a polyp on the appendix bursts and spreads mucus-producing tumor cells throughout the region.

    “It used to be universally fatal and now we cure 80 percent of them with a new type of surgery that involves perineotomy, stripping the insides of the abdomen and pelvis,” said Sugarbaker. Neither he, nor the hospital treated Bandy.

    The standard of care is hyperthermic intraperitoneal chemotherapy or HIPEC, a highly concentrated, heated chemotherapy treatment that is delivered directly to the abdomen during surgery. But sometimes, a high-dose chemotherapy agent can cause serious complications that can trigger bleeding in the brain or stroke.

    “We had a bad case here,” said Sugarbaker, who has since declared a moratorium on the use of that chemical at his facility.

    In Bandy’s case, his brain was deprived of oxygen for a critical period of time after 32 ounces of blood pooled in his abdomen during surgery, according to his wife. Lea said the family settled in a malpractice suit and was not allowed to talk more specifically about the case.

    Today, Lea and Bandy have been married 35 years. She writes about their decade-long journey in an as yet unpublished memoir, “Wondering Who You Are,” in which she explores issues of identity through cancer, brain surgery, travel, art, food, sex, wilderness and family.

    “I love her writing –- it makes me cry,” said Bandy, 56, who contributed several pieces to the book.

    “But there are fairly large sections of my life I don’t remember,” he said. “Not anything before high school or college. I don’t remember my kids’ births or my wedding day. I don’t really remember what sex is like before the brain injury.”

((( Read Page Two )))

Christians Are Following Secular Trends in Premarital Sex, Cohabitation Outside of Marriage, Says Dating Site Survey (survey/article)

Christians Are Following Secular Trends in Premarital Sex, Cohabitation Outside of Marriage, Says Dating Site Survey (survey/article)

“Christians Are Following Secular Trends in Premarital Sex, Cohabitation Outside of Marriage, Says Dating Site Survey”

You don’t say! *feigned shock*

Not only are many Christians no different from Non Christians in the divorce, shacking up, and pre-marital sex departments, but many Christians today are telling the wider Christian culture to stop preaching about sexual purity and virginity, while preachers are admitting that they don’t want to preach about or against sexual sin, since it may offend or hurt the feelings of folks in the pews, some of whom have engaged in sexual sin.

(Link): Christians Are Following Secular Trends in Premarital Sex, Cohabitation Outside of Marriage, Says Dating Site Survey

Here is a long excerpt (if you want the rest, you can you the link above):

    BY TYLER O’NEIL , CP REPORTER
    January 27, 2014|8:45 am

    A new study on Christian attitudes toward dating and marriage reveals a broad acceptance for cohabitation, premarital sex and a rejection of traditional gender roles. Experts believe that many Christians are following cultural trends over scripture when it comes to sex and marriage.

    “Christians are perhaps more influenced by the culture than they are by the teachings of scripture or the church,” Peter Sprigg, senior fellow for policy studies at the Family Research Council, told The Christian Post in an interview on Friday.

    According to the “2014 State of Dating in America” report published by Christian Mingle and JDate, 61 percent of Christians said they would have sex before marriage.

    Fifty-six percent said that it’s appropriate to move in with someone after dating for a time between six months and two years.

    Fifty-Nine percent said it doesn’t matter who the primary breadwinner of the family is.

    And 34 percent responded that while it would be nice to marry someone of the same faith, it’s not required.

    Interpreting this data, Sprigg shared his warning to Christians about dating sites. “Those who are active, committed Christians who believe in biblical values need to be cautious in using sites like Christian Mingle and not assume that others on the site share their values.”

    Rachel Sussmann, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship expert, agreed with Sprigg that even those who consider themselves strong Christians make unbiblical decisions about sex.

    “Oftentimes couples find this as something personal between the two of them,” Sussman explained. “Even if the church frowns on this behavior, they take it upon themselves to make an educated decision between the two of them.”

    Sussmann paraphrased a common expression she hears from religious patients: “I practice what the church teaches me, but this is something personal between me and my partner.” The therapist commented that, in many ways, churches are “fighting an uphill battle because this is nature.”

    According to Sprigg, “there may be a weakness on the part of churches” that explains the gap between sexual behavior and biblical standards. He described “a vicious circle,” where a pastor welcomes people regardless of their past sins, and then fails to preach biblical morality due to a fear of being considered too harsh.

    “I would encourage pastors to speak bluntly and boldly about sexuality and a biblical view of sexuality and marriage,” Sprigg declared. He urged religious leaders to “not shy away from challenging the values of the culture.”

    Continue reading “Christians Are Following Secular Trends in Premarital Sex, Cohabitation Outside of Marriage, Says Dating Site Survey (survey/article)”

Slut Shaming and Virgin Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?

Slut Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?

✤ This is a post about consensual sex only, not about sexual abuse, human sexual trafficking, or rape. ✤

Please see my previous posts about “slut shaming” and “virgin shaming.”

Sometimes secular culture engages in “slut shaming” and your secular feminist bloggers rant against it. That is true enough.

I take it that any and all expressions of disagreement with another person’s or group of person’s sexual behavior and choices is considered wrong, judgmental, and hence, “slut shaming.”

Nobody is supposed to stand for any limitations at all on any sort of sexual behavior.

We’re supposed to live in this wacky, sexual free for all society, where we look the other way, and remain in denial that sexual actions can and sometimes do have physical and emotional consequences (not always, but sometimes).

I guess we might as well let NAMBLA have their way, and permit adult-child sex, or let the sicko zoophiles off their leashes and let them rape dogs and other animals.

Can’t have any slut shaming, because that entails having boundaries, decency, morality, and a willingness to speak up and say you disagree with someone else’s sexual proclivities, habits, or preferences – which also includes the ability to see that everyone has a right to have her own opinions and to voice them publicly without fear of reprisal.

Not only have secular feminists been crying out against “slut shaming” on their blogs the last few years, but Christian bloggers, have, in the last few years, also taken on a Christianized version of an anti-slut shaming stance, though they prefer to use the more wholesome, more biblical-sounding phrases such as “virginity fetish” or “sexual purity idolization” to get their hate on – their hatred of virginity and celibacy.

I’ve discussed in previous posts that slut shaming (or whatever term one wishes to use for it) may not be such a bad thing ((Link: Sometimes Shame Guilt and Hurt Feelings Over Sexual Sins Is a Good Thing – but – Emergents, Liberals Who Are Into Virgin and Celibate Shaming).

Another angle that crosses my mind comes via those slut shamers -of all slut shamers- the secular slut shamers, the CDC (Centers For Disease Control).

I remember particularly in the 1980s, when HIV and AIDS were in the news nightly, that secular medical bodies and individuals would go on television news shows, or say in news paper interviews, to tell the public to remember that having sex is risky business.

These health worker professionals would tell you that when you have sex with one person, you weren’t really having sex with just that one person, but with every person that person had ever have sex with.

This is one reason why, when a guy (or woman) is diagnosed with some sexually transmitted creeping crud, that the doctor or CDC (or whatever other health-related, American, investigative department) demands that he give them a list of every person he has slept with.

These authorities then begin calling those individuals on the list to inquire as to who all those individuals have slept with, and so on and so forth, because they are trying to stop the spread of the creeping crud.

I think when you are 13 years old and your Christian speaker at your high school or Sunday School Class drops an ounce of dirt in a glass of clean water (or refers to used chewing gum), that is one concept they are trying to convey to you – you are not only sleeping with that one person but with anyone that person slept with before you, and you may suffer some mental or physical issues as a result.

Liberals, secular feminists, and militant homosexual rights activitsts began yelling and screaming about wanting five year old children in public schools to witness demonstrations of condoms put on cucumbers in classrooms. (That started around the 1980s or 1990s.)

Sometimes, the CDC and other medical groups issue updates and warnings about STDS (or STIs, Sexually transmitted infections, as some now call them).

Here’s an example from the New York Times, 2007:
(Link): Sex Diseases Still Rising; Chlamydia Is Leader

Here are some excerpts:

    • By LAWRENCE K. ALTMAN
    Published: November 14, 2007

The incidence of gonorrhea, which had declined sharply, has risen in the last two years in this country while the number of chlamydia and syphilis cases continue to rise, federal health officials said yesterday.

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are the two most common diseases among those doctors must report in the United States. And the 1,030,911 cases of chlamydia in 2006 are the highest ever recorded for any nationally reported disease in any year, the officials said in releasing their annual report on sexually transmitted diseases. They said that because of underreporting, a more accurate estimate is 2.8 million new chlamydia cases annually.

So I guess all these university researchers, CDC employees, and doctors reporting on the spread and dangers of sexually transmitted diseases are just a bunch of “slut shamers” who are into “slut shaming,” huh?

Continue reading “Slut Shaming and Virgin Shaming and Secular and Christian Culture – Dirty Water / Used Chewing Gum and the CDC’s Warnings – I guess the CDC is a bunch of slut shamers ?”

Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage

Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage

As I’ve said on prior occasions, far from Christians idolizing virginity, as some liberal, emergent, and even some conservative Christian bloggers and magazine writers claim, the biblical standards of celibacy and virginity have been under unrelenting attack by Christians over the past few years.

Most Christians these days no longer respect or value virginity but are seeking to diminish it if not do away with it altogether.

You can tell Christian thinking on the topic has gone downhill when we go from the 1980s message that says virginity is important and to strive for it, to the 2010 and onwards attack – by Christians – that says virginity is no big deal, so don’t beat yourself up when you have pre-marital sex.

Sometimes, Christians re-examining a view, teaching, or how they present it, can be a good thing, but I wonder about things when they start trying to downplay a standard that is taught in the Bible (ie, virginity and celibacy).

Christian culture has disturbingly gone from “Hooray for virginity!,” when I was a teen, to “boo, hiss, virginity, and everyone fornicate if you feel like it, because you are justified by Jesus, not your sexual choices, don’t feel any shame!” now.

It is now trendy in Christian culture to question virginity, and to shame adult Christians who are still virgins.

It is now standard by some Christians to say that virgins are either being “prideful” about their virginity, or are “worshipping” it, or to remind them they are not perfect, or to condescendingly remind them that it is Jesus who saves, not one’s “external sexual behavior.”

Case in point, this latest Virgin- and Celibate- Shaming editorial by Joshua Rogers at the Focus on the Family blog for 20 something singles, “Boundless” (yes, you will note that Focus on the Family ignores that there are many singles over the age of 30, 40, 50):

(Link): Stop Worshiping Your Virginity by Joshua Rogers

Excerpt 1:

    … The problem with female non-virgins going public with their sexual sins was that they ran the risk of being seen as damaged goods — I mean, if true love really did wait, then it was impossible for them to truly love the man who would be their husband.
    Apparently, they had already given away the truest expression of their love.
    So the best they could hope for was an understanding non-virgin or a “sexually pure” man who was very, very forgiving. For these women, the message was clear: God can forgive you, but you will be sexually disfigured for the rest of your life. Too bad. You shouldn’t have had sex with someone who wasn’t your husband.

    Now on the other hand, the male non-virgins didn’t seem to be quite as ashamed of themselves. They often talked quite frankly and openly about their sexual histories when giving their “testimonies” — especially if they were talking with other guys.
    In fact, if you didn’t know better, you might get the impression that they were even bragging about what they had done. But for some reason, these guys weren’t disqualified as marriage material — no way. It was actually endearing that these worldly men had made such a brave decision to walk away from the lusts of their flesh. You. Go. Boys.

    …If you’re a Christian virgin, you are no more righteous than anyone else (regardless of how long you’ve been wearing that promise ring). And if you’re not a virgin, you are no less righteous than anyone else — the only thing that makes you righteous is faith in the perfect blood of Jesus.
    Whatever you did (or didn’t do) in the past simply isn’t part of the Christian equation when it comes to your worth, so you can go ahead and stop obsessing over your virginity now.

    … People of Planet Evangelicalism, I have good news: This is not the Gospel.

    … Remember, Jesus “saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit” (Titus 3:5, ESV).

Call me kooky here, but I have never once heard any Christian imply that one is saved via being a virgin.

There might be some fringe, barely Christian group somewhere that teaches this perspective, but it’s not a view I’ve seen in my many years of reading about Christian teachings on sex. So I call “straw man” argument on that.

I’ve never once heard a Christian claim that one is made righteous and right before God by being a virgin, or that virginity was a component in the Gospel message.

Continue reading “Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage”

Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)

One thing this article discusses (link is farther below) is that men and women are actually very similar in regards to sexuality.

Note that this view is in opposition to Christian biblical gender complementarians, who have profits to make off of promoting biblical gender role books and conferences, who are also driven in part to uphold rigid, out-dated gender roles that they deem biblical, but which are actually based upon American secular ideals, in response to fear of, or anger against, secular feminism, high divorce rates, the rise of the acceptance of homosexuality, and other changes in American culture.

Christian men in many churches also want to remain in power, in control, and in authority, and fear if they concede ground to Christian egalitarians at all, that the worship of the male gender, and the grasp of male power, will be lost. (Yes, they are motivated by power and greed, not by concern of biblical fidelity.)

Previous posts in this blog have discussed that women are “visually oriented” too, not just males, contrary to the stereotype that conservative Christian relationship authors and preachers like to repeatedly spread.

There is some Virgin- and- Celibate shaming in this article, under one section, but the rest of the article is worth reading.

(Link): Virginity Lost, Experience Gained

Excerpts

    Your expectations may determine how losing your virginity will affect you down the line.

    Losing virginity is one of the most profound experiences of growing up. While it gets a lot of play in books and movies, it’s rarely been the subject of serious study.

    A Vanderbilt University sociologist has sought to make sense of our widely varying experiences. She proposes that how you lost your virginity, who it was with, and how it has affected later sexual relationships might be best understood in terms of the expectations you brought to the event and how the experience fit your expectations.

    Laura M. Carpenter, PhD, interviewed 33 women and 28 men, aged 18 to 35, about losing virginity.

    The predominantly heterosexual group also included gays, lesbians, bisexuals, virgins, and born-again virgins. They represented diverse racial and ethnic groups, social class backgrounds, and religious traditions. Five were still virgins.

    From her research came the book, Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences, in which she describes a framework for understanding what virginity loss means to people.

    A group not represented in Carpenter’s interviews is young people who take virginity pledges. They’re the subject of a study funded by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) of sexual activity among teens who pledged of abstinence until marriage compared with teens who had not taken such a pledge.

    Defining Virginity Loss

    While it’s been traditionally held that virginity loss occurred with first-time vaginal sex, that definition doesn’t necessarily hold for gays and lesbians nor for some heterosexuals. Carpenter heard various personal definitions from the people she interviewed.

    Some considered first orgasm or first oral or anal sex to be virginity loss. A lesbian who never had sex with a man might consider herself a virgin. Then there’s the category of “born-again” or “secondary” virgins — people who lost their virginity but later pledge to be celibate until marriage.

    Regardless of how they defined the experience, Carpenter says its significance and impact derive from which one of three metaphors they attached to the experience: as a gift, as a stigma, or as a rite of passage.

    The ‘Gifters’ Seek Romance

    The people Carpenter calls ‘gifters’ anticipate virginity loss in romantic terms with a significant partner. Their virginity is a gift to be given only to someone special. Often they’ve been reared with strong religious convictions and believe it’s a sin to have sex before marriage.

    Gifters typically want the experience to be perfect. How satisfying it is depends on reciprocity from their partner and a sense that the relationship has been strengthened. If the experience doesn’t meet their expectations, they can be disappointed or even devastated. Some seek to become “born-again virgins.”

    “A lot of people want it to be special, and I respect that,” says Carpenter, who is assistant professor of sociology at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tenn. “But you can get past the idea that because something went wrong you’re doomed forever.”

    She advises thinking of the experience as a chapter in your sexual education. Consider what you can do differently the next time with the same partner or with a different partner or what can make this better for you. “People who can think about it in those terms ended up being a lot happier.”

    The ‘Stigmatized’ See Virginity as a Burden

    The stereotype portrayed in the movie The 40-Year-Old Virgin is often true. By a certain age it may be embarrassing to be a virgin, especially if you’re a male. Carpenter says the ‘stigmatized’ care little about romance and relationships. They want to shed the burden of virginity, and they engage in sex for physical pleasure.

    Continue reading “Virginity Lost, Experience Gained (article with information from study about virginity)”

More Virgin and Celibate Shaming in Article: How the New Abstinence Movement is Trying to Reshape Our Views on Sex (from Relevant Magazine) Another Christian Anti Virginity Hit Piece – Fornicators Need To Repent of Their Pride in their Fornication Testimonies Maybe?

More Virgin and Celibate Shaming in Article: How the New Abstinence Movement is Trying to Reshape Our Views on Sex (from Relevant Magazine) Another Christian Anti Virginity Hit Piece – Fornicators Need To Repent of Their Pride in their Fornication Testimonies Maybe?

There are one or two people quoted in this article from Relevant magazine who defend virginity, but there are several sections that are heavy on virgin-shaming.

I would not say this is one of the worst anti-virginity Christian works I’ve seen, but it is rather bad in parts.

Basically, it’s the same ol’, same ol’ – that, supposedly, purity and virginity teachings need to go the way of the dinosaur because women today who are now 30 years old who had consensual sex when they were 15 or 20 years old feel just oh- so- icky and guilty when they hear positive, biblical messages about virginity, or, they say, when they heard such teachings when they were 18 years old and in Sunday School, or attending “True Love Waits” conferences.

The end result: once more, in the process, the concept and practice of virginity -by those Christian adults over the age of 25 who are still holding on to their virginity- are inadvertently shamed, or their actual virginity is disparaged or disrespected. I don’t think this is a winning strategy, nor do I find it biblical.

Where I do agree with some of the individuals interviewed in this piece is where they point out that evangelical Christian teachings about sexuality get carried into the extreme absurd, where young kids are told to not so much as kiss, hold hands, or go on dates alone.

What happens when you limit a kid’s exposure to the opposite sex to that insane degree and instill that level of paranoia of fornication, is you make kids socially awkward, they don’t spend enough time around the opposite gender and hence learn how to enteract comfortably with the opposite gender, and therefore, they never marry, or not until much later in life.

I have more observations below this long excerpt:
(Link): How the New Abstinence Movement is Trying to Reshape Our Views on Sex from Relevant Magazine

Excerpts:

Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”

Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”

On today’s “The 700 Club,” a viewer in his early 20s wrote to hosts of the show with a question. The letter writer says he is a virgin and wants to wait for marriage to have sex. The guy said he found out his girlfriend is not a virgin. He wanted to know if dating her is wrong.

You can watch the video yourself here:
(Link): Marriage and Tithing questions (question from male virgin about dating a non virgin)

The 700 Club show provided a transcript:

PAT:

    THERE IS NOTHING THAT SAYS YOU SHOULD MARRY A VIRGIN. PROBABLY INTERESTING.

THE FACT THAT SOMEBODY HAS A LITTLE [previous (pre marital) sexual] EXPERIENCE ISN’T NECESSARILY A BAD THING.

I DON’T THINK YOU CAN SAY, IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS PER MISCOWOUS [sic] AND HOPPING IN AND OUT OF BED WITH MULTIPLE SEX PARTNERS, IF SHE HAPPENED TO HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH SOMEBODY SHE WAS DEEPLY ATTRACTED TO, GET OVER IT.

—(end quote)—

Keeping in mind that Pat Robertson engaged in fornication himself (see previous posts on this blog for more on that, complete with links), which is why, I suspect, he tends to excuse hetero fornication, any time someone writes in asking him these types of questions.

Robertson told the letter writer, “Having [previous sexual] experience is not necessarily a bad thing.” 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯 😯

Yes, Robertson really said that.

Robertson passes himself off as a Christian. It’s one thing to inform people that sexual sin can be forgiven, which is all well and good, but quite another to tell a virgin, “Having [previous sexual] experience is not necessarily a bad thing,” which is a round-about way of condoning pre-martial sex and denigrating virginity.

A Christian should have very high standards in this area and not teach or endorse anything less than what the Bible says about the topic of sex, and the Bible is clear, yes very clear (I know some “nones,” emergents, and liberals hate it when anyone says the Bible is ‘clear’ on anything, but on some topics, yes, it really is), and the Bible is quite clear that sex is for marriage and marriage only.

That I see self-professing Christians with a huge platform, such as Robertson, with his daily national television show, where he gets to repeat his views to millions, act so dismissive towards virginity, when they should be the first to uphold it, is infuriating and perplexing.

Robertson will sit there and act critical towards homosexuality on some ‘700 Club’ episodes, but he has this double standard where he downplays or excuses hetero sexual sin, especially if it is hetero pre-marital sex.

(It’s usually the reverse these days: I see emergent Christians, and other types of Christians (even conservative and orthodox ones), arguing that hetero singles should abstain from sex, but not homosexuals, because, the thinking goes, pity those poor homosexuals who may never have an avenue to have sex at all, if they stay true to Biblical sexual teachings, and who can expect anyone to stay a virgin over a lifetime – never mind that the same fate befalls hetero singles who may never marry because they are unable to find a suitable partner).

This is also odd on other levels; usually, conservative Christians tell kids and college aged people if they retain their virginity until marriage that they will have mind-blowing, frequent sex – which is of course, not true; I’ve posted many links showing that quite the opposite happens.

But Robertson is going the other route and telling single and virginal Christians that having sexual experience prior to marriage is not a bad thing, and that, he implies, it can even enhance a marriage. It’s remarkable that he is so anti-biblical on the issue of sexual ethics.

Many Christians do not support celibacy or virginity; if anything, some of them denigrate and dismiss both.

You can also watch this Pat Robertson segment on You Tube (the You Tube Link):


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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Pat Robertson Expects Men to Commit Sexual Sin (and it’s not the first time)

(Link): Advocate of Family Values Doesn’t Uphold Family Values | Stop Asking Pat Robertson for Advice America!

(Link):  Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Link): Virgin – and Celibate – Shaming : Christian Double Standards – Homosexuals Vs Hetero Singles – Concerning Thabiti Anyabwile and Gag Reflexes

(Link): The Activist Who Says Being Gay Is Not A Sin – double standards for homo singles vs hetero singles

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Pat Robertson raises the old canard about females dressing modestly and males supposedly being visually oriented

(Link): Pat Robertson: (basically): Pre Marital Sex is Okay (or to be totally expected) Because People are “Sexual Beings”

(Link): “He’s Got Muscles” – Pat Robertson Weirdness (Discussing Tebow’s Sexiness)

(Link): Pat Robertson Contradicts Himself On Healing and God’s Will

(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson is Fine With Trandgenderism

(Link): Pat Robertson to married woman: All men are cheaters and sex crazed horn dogs, but that’s okay because they’re men

(Link): Creepy, Creepy and Sexist Pat Robertson

(Link): Is Pat Robertson of The 700 Club Show some kind of secret perv? He’s Creepy

(Link): Robertson Defends His Horrible Advice to Married Woman