Leader of Hyper Family Focused, Fertility Cult (Vision Forum Ministries) Steps Down After Admitting to Having an “Emotional Affair”

Leader of Hyper Family Focused, Fertility Cult (Vision Forum Ministries) Steps Down After Admitting to Having an “Emotional Affair”

You can read this guy’s resignation letter here:
(Link): Statement of Resignation by Douglas Phillips


    There has been serious sin in my life for which God has graciously brought me to repentance. I have confessed my sin to my wife and family, my local church, and the board of Vision Forum Ministries. I engaged in a lengthy, inappropriate relationship with a woman. While we did not “know” each other in a Biblical sense, it was nevertheless inappropriately romantic and affectionate.

I am not an expert on all things Vision Forums Ministries, and I tend to lump all these groups together, but like Quiverfulls and Reconstructionsts, if I am not mistaken, VFM (Vision Forum Ministries) is one of thoes groups who teach very, very strict gender roles to the point they may advocate that girls should NOT receive an education, that they should only be brought up to be wives and mothers.

From what I recall, VFM is like Dobon’s “Focus on the Family,” but on steroids. They place far, far too much stock on marriage, having children, and strict gender roles.

Groups such as VFM tend to elevate marriage to the point that singles and singlehood is denigrated. The unmarried are viewed as not being wholly in God’s image, that they are only “one half” until they marry.

If I recall correctly they may be one of the Christian cultic groups that idolize marriage and childrearing/ bearing even more than main stream conservative Christians do.

They probably adhere to the standard stereotypes of the unmarried that mainstream Christians do: that, supposedly, all singles are sleazy, over sexed harlots who are highly promiscuous and who are selfish and immature. So I find it funny that one of their own admits to being involved in an “inappropriate relationship” with another woman.

These hyper family-, hyper traditional marriage- obsessed Christian groups that keep screaming and ranting about things such as single-mother homes, women having more babies out of wedlock, etc, who assume that married people are as sexually pure as the freshly driven snow and that married are superior to singles, need to ‘walk the walk’ that they preach to the rest of us, but they often do not.

I am tired of married Christians acting as though they are more godly or pure than single adult and childless Christians, or they think by virtue of being married and/ or a parent they are “more of a Christian,” but you have long time Christians such as myself, who is age 40+, who is still a virgin (I remained true to biblical sexual teachings).

I am actually living out sexual purity (for three plus decades), but these hyper- pro- family, pro traditional gender roles, sexist, pro patriarchy cretins sleep around (or, in this case, have “emotional affairs.”)

These are the same backwards idiots who have “purity balls,” where they teach their little daughters that their sexuality belongs to their fathers and then later, if they marry, to their husbands.

Novel concept: teach your daughters that their sexuality belongs to them and them alone. You can teach them to believe that sex is for marriage only -that is all well and good- but let them know they can make their own choices in life. Their sexuality is theirs – it’s not even “God’s.”

Quote at me all day about, “you are not your own – bought at a price,” and just no.

How I cringe when Christian pro-celibacy books tell singles, “Your body/sexuality is not yours, it belongs to God/ the community.” Er no, it’s mine, not God’s, not the church’s.

I can see how feeling that one’s sexuality is an individualistic matter can lead to societal problems, but not if you have excellent self control, such as me (virgin at age 40+ here). My sexuality is mine, not God’s, not the church’s, not my “future husband’s” (should I marry).

Anyway, these uber- family obsessed cultic Christian groups cannot even practice what they preach to the rest of us.

(Link): Doug Phillips Resigns from Vision Forum, Cites Affair

(Link): Doug Phillips, Vision Forum Family Man Sabotages Marriage

Excerpt (please click the link above to visit their blog and read the rest):

    Best known for his Vision Forum catalog — a colorful collection of apparently innocuous family friendly products mailed to more than a million people each autumn — Doug Phillips uses the wealth generated by his for-profit sales, as well as donations from the public, to promote his vision on controversial issues including education (home education is the only Biblical method), birth control (wrong in all circumstances), politics (a vote for either Kerry or Bush was a sin), and the roles of husbands and wives (hyper-Patriarchy at home and at church).

    Doug Phillips first came to the attention of those of us at Ministry Watchman when he publicly defended his buddy, R.C. Sproul, Jr., who was defrocked after confessing to ecclesiastical tyranny and the theft and illegal use of a church denomination’s tax-ID number.

    … The first, an exposé of how Doug Phillips’ family practices have not matched his family preaching, begins below. — MW

    Officially, not-for-profit Vision Forum Ministries exists “to encourage and equip the biblical family and to train and facilitate fathers leading their families….” Doug Phillips’ focus on fathers is not an accident; he is perhaps the most prominent leader in the Patriarchy movement, a growing trend of returning to the biblical role models for men leading their families and submissive women helping their husbands or fathers.

    Although the inspiration for this movement is understandable — a reaction to the all-too-common problem today of men abdicating their leadership over their families in deference to a radical feminist movement that has pervaded even the church — the danger of reaction is that it can be a pendulum that swings too far to the opposite extreme. While much of Doug Phillips’ teachings on the biblical roles of men and women seems to be sound, some of the applications of those teachings have proven to be very troubling.

(Link): Doug Phillips: The Big Scandal You Didn’t Hear About and Why It Matters

    Posted: 11/06/2013 1:29 pm
    by Julie Ingersoll

    Doug Phillips, the Home School Movement’s leading Quiverful Patriarch resigned from Vision Forum Ministries, admitting a “lengthy inappropriate relationship” with a woman. It appears that while as he has been fighting homosexuality and feminism as threats to marriage, he has actually been the threat.

    His supporters are lauding his resignation letter as appropriately contrite repentance and arguing that this has no bearing on the validity of Biblical Patriarchy. But actually it does, making this more important than another hypocritical cheating scandal.

    Phillips is a key figure bringing Christian Reconstruction into the larger home school world. Building upon R.J. Rushdoony’s postmillennialism and “Biblical Philosophy of History,” he teaches home-schooling families to “exercise dominion” through 200-year plans, “multi-generational faithfulness” and “Biblical Patriarchy.”

    His influence is hard to overstate; there is barely a part of the home-school movement his empire has not touched.

    … Phillips was a founder of the patriarchal Family Integrated Church Movement. He has close partnerships with Henry Morris at Institute for Creation Research, the Duggar family of 19 Kids and Counting and actor-turned-Christian activist Kirk Cameron.

    … Phillips’ infidelity is more than a private matter because, by design, his Biblical Patriarchy makes women vulnerable such that even with a husband repeatedly violating his marriage vows, practically speaking, a wife has no options.

    The Family, in Biblical Patriarchy, is the primary institution through which God has delegated authority entirely to men. Women are to be “in submission in all things,” first to their fathers and then to husbands, chosen by fathers. The purpose of the family is the exercise of the patriarch’s dominion, especially through procreation. Women are to bear as many children as is possible. Anything short of that is deemed selfishness, accommodation with the “culture of death” and rebellion against God’s will.

    ….Education for girls within Biblical Patriarchy is focused on training them for domestic duties. Vision Forum’s catalogs, Beautiful Girlhood Collection and the All American Boy’s Adventure Catalog, stated purpose is to teach “Biblical” gender norms: meekness, submissiveness and dependency for girls; chivalry, curiosity and adventurousness for boys. There are strategies for boys to obtain college degrees without actually attending college but college education for girls is often seen as unnecessary and even destructive.

    …For girls they offer a “Father Daughter Retreat” (noted for its creepiness), in which fathers “lead,” “woo” and “win” their daughters to become “industrious, family-affirming, children-loving, women of God.”

    Phillips’ scandal calls attention to the dangers of the world he wants to build: A woman raised in Biblical Patriarchy is carefully sheltered, most especially to opportunities to develop any kind of self-sufficiency. If she finds herself with a houseful of children and a husband forced to admit publicly to unfaithfulness that extends over a long period of time, she has no options.

    The cheated wife is not likely to be supported by the patriarchal community. The leaders (all male) are likely to be sympathetic the husband’s “temptation” and should she discuss the situation outside of the sanctioned forums controlled by men she will be denounced as a gossip. Sometimes the women are blamed: the “other woman” as Satan’s temptress and even the completely innocent wife for having “let herself go” or being inadequately submissive.

(Link): Patriarchy proponent Doug Phillips resigns after extramarital relationship

You can read even more about VFM here (I am not necessarily in total agreement with all views of all blogs/ sites/ articles I link to):

(Link): Rethinking Vision Forum

(Link): Cult-Watch Ministry Publishes Article Exposing Doug Phillips

(Link): Vision Forum Heresy – from Under Much Grace

(Link): Ignorance, Stupid Error, and Willful Intent: Vision Forum is still guilty of objectifying women and children

Here is an April 2014 update to this post:
(Link): Married Preacher, Father of Eight Kids (and promoter of “Family Values” and Leader of wacko Quiverfull- and- Patriarchy type groups that promotes idolatry of “the family” and Marriage and of Having Lots of Children), Used Nanny as Sex Object – update on Phillips story
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Focus on the Family Members Practice Infidelity or Homosexuality and Get Divorced and Remarry – links to exposes

(Link): Married Preacher and Father of Five (Geronimo Aguilar) In Trouble Over Multiple Affairs and Sex with Kids

(Link): Pastor Busted in Prostitution Sting – If Married Sex So Great Why Do So Many Married Christian Men Have Affairs

(Link): Prejudiced Writer Stupidly Blames Slutty Halloween Costumes and Societal Ills on Childless the Childfree, and Unmarried Adults – but Married people and parents are not perfect either

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

(Link): Wife of Kinda Famous TV Preacher Guy Committed Multiple Affairs – He tells congregation at church service

How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

((DISCLAIMER. This post is addressing consensual sex, NOT sexual abuse or rape.))

As one regular blog visitor, John M.(*) has noted on a prior post or two, Christian culture has a very peculiar habit of holding up Non-Virgins as role models on virginity (or celibacy, sexual purity), and I’m not talking about married Christian people who have remained faithful to their spouse (which is also a tad annoying as far as using marrieds as spokes-persons for singles or for issues singles face), but also people who had sex before they were married.

Often in these stories, the so-called authority on sexual purity had sex as a teen or 20-something, but then decided to stop having sex until marriage. So technically, these sorts of individuals are not virgins.

Some of these individuals, ones who committed fornication, like to call themselves “spiritual virgins,” “secondary virgins” or “born again virgins.”(No, I’m not kidding about that, see this older post at this blog.)

Some Christian organizations, such as Ron Luce’s, teach kids about a concept called “Emotional Virginity.” (Yes, they do. (Link): See this post.)

I can only assume there is a corollary teaching in such groups, something called “Born Again Emotional Virginity,” or “Spiritual Emotional Virginity,” for those teens who have failed to keep “Emotional Virginity.” (Not that I believe in such a concept of “Emotional Virginity” myself; it sounds ridiculous and unbiblical.)

God certainly does forgive people their sexual sin, but coming up with terms such as “born again virgin” and the like to denote that you are forgiven for your fornication, and to ease your conscience on some level, cheapens honest- to- goodness virginity.

Such terminology and such attitudes (and it comes up regularly in secular and Christian feminist, anti- purity/ anti- modesty writings on the internet, too) makes a mockery of those of us who have literally held out past the age of 35 or 40 and are still virgins – not figuratively, allegorically virgin, but really- and- truly- we’ve- never- had- sex variety type of virgin.

-Churches and Christians Hold Up Fornicators As Paragons of Sexual Virtue-

Things get a little stranger when one realizes that in the Christian blogging, television, and magazine world, and on the speaking circuit, Christian fornicators (those who had sex before getting married) are held up as experts or as role models for sexual purity to teen-agers and young adults.

(I’d like to pause here to say, for the billionth time, celibacy and virginity are not just for Christians under the age of 25 or 30, when will the church address the needs and concerns of unmarried celibates past the age of 30? Most Christians continually assume that nobody is strong enough to resist the urge of sex past the age of 25 / 30, which is incorrect, since some of us have in fact done so.)

I just blogged the other day about an article from “Christian Post” online magazine about a woman, Gresh, who is hired to speak to teens or write literature for them concerning sexual purity, yet she had sex when she was 15 years old, and she was not married at the time. She says she regrets having been sexually active outside marriage.

I am not sure why the Christian community likes to hold up failures at sexual mores as pristine examples for youth to follow.

Maybe most Christians assume one who has failed at sexual purity but recommitted to celibacy at a later date is more relateable for teens. Maybe the thinking is such individuals have more insight because they made a mistake but conquered it or learned from it.

Here’s a novel idea, preachers and Christian community:

How about holding up Christians who have not failed at sexual purity as role models for sexual purity? If a Christian did not yield to sexual pressure as a teen or 20 something and is still an actual virgin (not a “born again virgin” but a genuine one) past the age of 40, Christians can learn from them.

The Bible contains advice in the Old Testament along the lines that if you want to know how to become wealthy, hang out with, befriend, and talk to wealthy people. The Bible does not say to hang out with people who are living in poverty or take financial tips from spend thrifts, or to take monetary advice from welfare recipients, now does it? No, it doesn’t.

The Old Testament also says, if you want to find out how to be wise, then associate and question wise people, and learn from the wise. The Bible does not say, “If you want to find out how to be wise, befriend and take advice from the biggest idiots you know, or people who regularly make foolish choices.”

So, wouldn’t it make sense for churches and pastors to point to Christians who are still virgins at age 35 and beyond as experts or role models for sexual purity?

I’m afraid one reason many churches do not is that there are several stereotypes about never-married celibate adults. The truth is that most older celibate Christians are HETERO sexual and have normal sexual drives.

(Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of this post)

Continue reading “How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)”

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 4) – and Emotional Virginity Teaching

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 4) – and “Emotional Virginity” Teaching

They say marriage is a great thing and throw fits that Christians aren’t getting married by and large any more, but they are creating the very thing they are protesting: Christians who keep Christian singles single via their stupid or naive dating advice and narrow minded views of women. Here are some more examples.

Source for the following: “My Teen Mania Experience”

Fear of Dating (posted to “My Teen Mania Experience”)

Here are excerpts from the page:

    [Regarding teachings on dating to teens by “Teen Mania” and “Honor Academy” Christian teachers] ….What kind of effed up teachings produce this level of ridiculous fear? This total inability to engage the opposite sex in a normal, friendly manner?

    For once, I knew I couldn’t blame this on Christianity at large, because she was not raised a Christian. The Honor Academy was her only exposure to Christianity and these problems and mindsets did not exist before she went there.
    [From Christian Pundit: I disagree. This “fear of dating/ fear of the opposite gender” perspective is in a lot of Christian material on dating, not just the Honor Academy. It’s also taught among a lot of Christian home schooling families.]

    Now, this may be an extreme example (or maybe not?) but I’ve heard from dozens of alumni – especially women – that after the Honor Academy, they feel incredibly uneasy around the opposite sex. Why is that? I’m going to give a few potential reasons, but I hope you’ll chime in as well.

    1) Strict gender roles: Each gender has their assigned duties and no deviation is acceptable. Men lead. Women follow. Men initiate. Women respond.

    First off, there are many places in Scripture where Godly women pursued romantic relationships, did not submit to their husbands and held leadership roles over men.

    – Ruth proposed marriage to Boaz (Gasp!)
    – Abigail did not submit to her husband’s leadership and took matters into her own hands, which eventually led to her marrying King David. (I Sam 25)
    – Esther entered the King’s court uninvited – which had the potential to be an offense punishable by death.

    This is just a short list. If you research the topic further, you will find many more encouraging examples.

    From what I’ve seen, this teaching leads women to feel that they cannot even show interest in a guy (so how is he supposed to know that you like him?). It leads them to being passive and unable to seize opportunities. They are waiting for a guy to do everything in the relationship, and that is just not normal or healthy.

    2) Friendship with the opposite sex is actively discouraged.

    Many unsuspecting interns have been confronted for “curbside chatting” during their first week of the internship. “Curbside chatting” is exactly what it sounds like – standing on the curb outside the dorms, innocently chatting with a member of the opposite sex. Although this is clearly in public, in full view of all the dorms, its still considered dangerous behavior and will get you promptly confronted by your leadership and/or peers.

    I’ve heard alumni say that they were afraid to even be seen walking on a sidewalk in the same direction as a member of the opposite sex, for fear that they would be confronted.

    Continue reading “How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 4) – and Emotional Virginity Teaching”