Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups and Gender Hang Ups – other Links

Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups

Link 1. From Christian Post:
(Link 1): How Do You Know If You Were Supposed to Marry Your Spouse?

Link 2. Yeah, good luck with that – I’ve already given up on the “virginity until marriage” propaganda spewed out by Christians.

(Link 2): 5,000 Venezuelan Youths Attend Luis Palau Fest; Thousands Commit to Sexual Purity

    By Jessica Martinez , CP Contributor
    July 11, 2013

    Some 45,000 people attended a youth festival hosted by evangelist Luis Palau in Venezuela last weekend, with thousands committing to sexual purity until marriage during the event.

    Festival goers descended upon the bicentennial fairgrounds of Barquisimeto, Venezuela, for Juventud Libre 2013, where Palau preached about faith and change under the theme, “Venezuela, open your heart to hope.” The event focused on offering an optimistic outlook for the nation’s future in light of its current political and social unrest, which caused 4,000 youths to dedicate their lives to God while the crowd chanted “yes to sexual purity.”

Link 3 discusses:

Churches depicting women (even married ones, so that’s a refreshing change of pace, usually it’s the singles) as sexual temptresses, and, in another rarity, one church instructs males to keep their shirts buttoned up (usually it’s the females who get the insipid “modesty” lectures), and sexual hang-ups by various churches are addressed.

I don’t condone abuse or neglect of women or children, but, I do have to commend this one Christian cult for at least pointing out that motherhood has been made into an idol by some Christians; they are at least right on that score.

(Link 3): Spiritual Abuse in Churches From book about Church abuse; author made the whole book available for free online.

    Chapter 7

    …Women of C-U ministries were totally submissive to males and were barred from leadership or decision-making roles, as well as from work outside the home. Pam says that, “It got to the point where what I had to say usually got suppressed because I knew it was a waste of time to discuss it. I’d lose.”

    …Unfortunately, the harshness of the discipline extended to the children as well. Pam says, “I could cry over some of the spankings they received. Bruised bottoms. They were even calloused.”

    … In December of 1987, ten-year-old Aaron Norman died as result of medical neglect and a beating administered by his father and Doug Kleber. The boy suffered from juvenile diabetes but his parents did not obtain medical care for him, preferring to rely on the healing power of prayer.

    When his physical condition worsened and prayer did not seem to be effective, elders of the church were consulted to determine what the problem was.

    According to a story in the June 21, 1988 issue of the Chicago Tribune, the elders determined that Aaron had sinned. The sin was masturbation, but Aaron would not confess to the sin.

    His father decided to spank Aaron with a board because the Holy Spirit had told him that he had been masturbating. As the Spokane County deputy prosecutor stated, “His father and the elders ‘rebuked’ Aaron to confess, but he wouldn’t. Aaron’s father and Kleber then beat the child . . . A wooden paddle was used at some point until Aaron confessed. On Sunday morning when his parents awoke, Aaron was dead. There were severe bruises on his buttocks.”

    [Regarding another wacko church:]

    …Like many other abusive churches, the Two-by-Two’s impose a restrictive and rigorous life-style on the membership. Women adherents shun makeup and wear long, uncut hair wrapped tightly in buns on the tops of their heads. Jewelry is proscribed, while plain dresses are the norm. Slacks, shorts, and sleeveless blouses are forbidden in public.

    They submit to the men of the group who tend to wear dark-colored clothes and carry black-covered King James Versions of the Bible. Marriages are performed by civil authorities only, since church “workers” do not register with state officials.

    Conformity to a strict life-style is expected of all children and young people in the Truth. They are discouraged from participating in after-school sports and other social activities. Their circle of friends does not extend beyond the group.

    Continue reading “Link Dump – Virginity in Venezuela, Christian Sex Hang Ups and Gender Hang Ups – other Links”

And Will He Be Giving Sermons on Sexual Purity? Re: Church Restores Pastor Removed for Adultery

And Will He Be Giving Sermons on Sexual Purity? Re: Church Restores Pastor Removed for Adultery

This is yet another example of how Christians do not truly uphold their stated beliefs about traditional marriage, sexual purity and virginity- until- marriage, and it’s another example that flies in the face of all the emergent and liberal Christian propaganda that sexual purity teachings are idolized in Christian culture.

(Link): Megachurch Restores Founding Pastor Removed for Adultery – Christianity Today

    Jim Bolin isn’t the only pastor to step down over adultery, but few receive pardons and return to their same church. However, most National Association of Evangelical board members say pastors can be restored to church roles after marital infidelity. The highest-profile case study: Ted Haggard.

I wonder, after this pastor is “restored,” will he be telling the teenagers in sermons that “true love waits” and telling older singles that “celibacy is a gift” or writing marital guides and dating advice books and blogs telling singles that fornication is a no-no?
(Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of this post)

Continue reading “And Will He Be Giving Sermons on Sexual Purity? Re: Church Restores Pastor Removed for Adultery”

Are Christians Tossing Out Prohibitions Against Pre Martial Sex (radio show)

Are Christians Tossing Out Prohibitions Against Pre-Martial Sex (radio show)

Radio show you can listen to online:

(Link): Hour 1- Glenn Stanton from Focus on the Family discusses evangelicals and pre-marital sex [with host Janet Mefferd].

Mefferd and some Focus on the Family guy named Glenn Stanton talk about this article on the Atlantic (which I have not read and don’t know if I will or not):

(Link): “Why Some Evangelicals Are Trying to Stop Obsessing over Pre Marital Sex”

On this radio show, Mefferd and Stanton explain, as I have previously on this blog, that sexual purity and pre-marital sex teachings are under attack by liberal Christians, some feminists, and emergents (they mention Rachel Held Evans by name), mostly because women who have pre-marital sex feel guilty or ashamed by sexual purity teachings.

My reasons for giving up on pre-marital abstinence teachings (I remain a virgin at 40+; I was waiting until marriage to have sex, I never got married but had hoped to be) is in part because the church does not support Christian never married virgins past age 30.

We older Christian virgins and our particular struggles are left alone, are ignored, especially the females: if you are not a wife and mommy, churches will not permit you to serve.

We older Christian virgins are ignored by the larger Christian community. We get no support to hang on to chastity, we get no other kind of support (married couples don’t invite us to their homes for holiday dinners and the like). All the focus goes to teens and 20-somethings and supporting them with friendships and support in fighting sexual struggles.

So, I no longer see the point in waiting until marriage to have sex.

I’ve already decided that when I begin dating again, I will have sex before marriage, provided I esteem the guy I’m dating enough. If he’s an idiot, I won’t bother – I’m not giving it up for just any chump to come along. I’ll still have standards, don’t get me wrong, but not the lofty, “I’m waiting for a Christian Prince Charming to marry me first” unobtainable kind of standard. (But by the way: sex outside of marriage is still a sin, even if I do it. I’m at least honest enough to admit it.)

Contrary to what Mefferd and Glenn say on the radio show, there are indeed segments of the Christian community, usually the fringe kook types, but sometimes by mainstream, well- meaning- but- idiotic clods, who do indeed tell fornicators they are dirt and ‘used goods’ if they have sex outside of marriage; RHE and other emergents, as well as some feminists and liberals, are not entirely making this up, as Mefferd and Stanton claim.

Mefferd and Stanton, on the radio show, discuss a book by some guy entitled “Unclean,” about sexual issues as taught among Christians, a book that maintains that the sexual purity lectures are sexist because they always focus on the female’s sexuality and virginity. I agree – it’s something I’ve noticed that is frequently done, even by FEMINISTS who discuss this topic. HOWEVER, the solution is not to toss out sexual purity teachings because they focus on females, but to hold males up to the same standards, because the Bible does.

The male host, Stanton, though, says there is something “special” about a woman’s purity – what the hell? He adds that sex and boyfriend-girlfriend breakups, is a more emotional ordeal for females. Maybe or maybe not, but this is getting back into the sexist, lop-sided expectation and viewpoints that purity standards are really not equally applicable to males.

The Bible nowhere says that sexual purity, or ‘virginity- until- marriage,’ are more important for females to practice because females are supposedly “more emotional” or have “more unique hearts” than men. The Bible doesn’t get into the psychology of men and women and how, when, or if one gender is more damaged by or sensitive to sex than the other – the Bible just expects both genders to save sex for marriage, period, end of story.

The Bible nowhere teaches that women are more dainty, emotional and ergo more heavily damaged by pre-marital sex than men are – even if it could be proven they are, so what? The Bible does not use that as a rationale for why people should abstain. I’m not saying it’s not a point females should not consider before boinking a man, BUT I am saying it AIN’T IN THE BIBLE.

Anyway, you can listen to the interview yourself at the link I provided above.

Related posts this blog:

(Link): No, Christians and Churches Do NOT Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity

(Link): Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re Celibacy

(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

(Link): Never Married Christians Over Age 35 who are childless [and Celibate] Are More Ignored Than Divorced or Infertile People or Single Parents

(Emergents, Sexual Abuse Victims, some Feminists, and Liberals attacking sexual purity teachings and virgin until marriage teachings mentioned in the following post):

(Link): Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

For anyone reading this post, I would strongly encourage you to read a previous post I wrote:
(Link): ❈ Why So Much Fornication – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity
Here’s what caught my attention the other day:



    “A new sexual ethic for Christians is desperately needed. I for one am going to work on that. Will you join me?” – Tony Jones

    Tony Jones is asking all of Christendom to join him in a quest to lift the moral outrage we Christians seem to have over premarital sex. Yes, that’s right.

    Apparently the Bride of Christ has had its collective undies in a bunch over this for centuries, and we need to stop, and just do it. I’ll share more from his blog post about this titled, (Link): Is It Time for Christians to Celebrate Pre-Marital Sex? in just a moment. (Warning: You might be disturbed by the photo he used for this article. Just saying.)

    But first, you’re probably asking, who is Tony Jones and where does he get the authority to challenge God about anything?

    Tony’s bio tells you pretty much all you need to know about where his authority comes from. You can find this over on the Patheos Progressive Christian Channel [omit bio]…

    On to the article. He spends a moment or two gushing over two authors who lament at how unfair it is for Christians to have to wait until marriage to have sex.

      “Human beings are sexual beings. There’s no way around it,” says Jones. “And the fact that, in the West, the age of marriage has been steadily creeping upward means that our bodies are ready for sex long before we’re walking down the aisle. In the U.S., men get married at 29 and women at 27, on average. And we reach puberty a good decade-and-a-half before that.”

    He then gives a nod to Esquire Magazine writer John H. Richardson, who opines,

      “I want to suggest that sex, be it adulterous or premarital or deviant or polyamorous, is a good thing, not a bad thing, and that sex itself is the moment of grace. And that our sterile idea of perfection is the actual sin. To start with the subject on the table, adultery is a brave rebellion against the invisible prison we build for ourselves.

    And then this clincher from Jones, who tells us that we should stop pretending and accept that our children are probably doing it anyway:

    To pretend that those are two virgins walking down the aisle, approaching the coital bed for the first time is uncommonly naive. And it seems to me that Jesus was lots of things, but he wasn’t naive to the world in which he lived.
    He did, however, both preach and live prophetically within that culture. He didn’t take it as it was, without pushing back against it. In his day, it was that tax collectors were ostracized and that men shouldn’t pluck heads of grain on the Sabbath. Today, sex is everywhere. It’s unavoidable.

Does it matter a hill of beans what I think or what Tony Jones thinks? Nope. It only matters what God says. His breathed-out word, the Bible, promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4).

Continue reading “Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)”

Critique of CT Article: The Real Value of Sex

Critique of CT Article: The Real Value of Sex

(Link): CT Article: The Real Value of Sex (by Caryn Rivadeneira)

The first problem I have with the editorial by Ms. Rivadeneira: the stock photo accompanying the editorial on the top of the page is a teenage girl kissing a teen-aged guy in her bedroom.

So, right away, this is setting the tone: the author is primarily concerned with people under the age of 25 having sex.

The opening paragraphs are not any better: they talk about college aged women (20 somethings) selling their bodies on websites to older guys (“sugar daddies”) who will pay off their college expenses.

Next up, the author gets into how sexual purity teachings in religious circles (she cites the case of a young Mormon rape victim) make the female fornicators or female sexual abuse victims feel like trash, since such lectures often compare a fornicator (not sexual abuse victims) to “chewed gum” and use other analogies that revolve around the idea of “being used” or “used merchandise.”

I’ve discussed this stealth attack against Christian sexual purity teachings a little bit before, such as (Link): here, (Link): here and (Link): especially here.

Supposedly, so the thinking goes among many liberal Christians, emergents, and feminists, no Christian can or should ever uphold sexual purity as biblical and the right thing to do, because God forbid it might hurt the tender feelings of some woman who had sex with her boyfriend 15 years ago, or that of a 50 year old woman was fondled by her Uncle Herb when she was ten.

The sexual abuse victim has my sympathy for the abuse, but I do not see sexual assault as valid reason to ignore or throw away the Bible’s standards of sexual purity or expectation about people being virgins until marriage, in regards to consensual sex.
(Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of this post, thanks)

Continue reading “Critique of CT Article: The Real Value of Sex”

Preachers Who Use Strippers, Hula Girls, Topless Hunky Men, and Strip Poles During Church Services and Give Sex Diplomas to Teens – Yes, Really

Preachers Who Use Strippers, Hula Girls, Topless Hunky Men, and Strip Poles During Church Services and Give Sex Diplomas to Teens – Yes, Really

Some pastors have not ruled out using strippers in future church services (anything to lure in the un-saved to church!), while others have used hula girls and topless muscular men.

The host of the following radio show also discusses Christian television show host’s Pat Robertson’s view point that all men are horn dogs who are sex-obsessed, so you can’t blame a man for cheating on his spouse. (I wrote about Robertson on this topic (Link): here and (Link): here).

Here’s the radio show:

(Link): PERRY NOBLE HASN’T RULED OUT USING STRIPPERS IN CHURCH (also mentions Pat Robertson’s views that all men are sex obsessed, and a church that used hula girl and topless men in services)

Related links other sites:

This next link below: the strict gender role stereotyping and the assumptions of what either gender wants is disgusting.

Not all men are into strippers, like football, and not all women are into teddy bears, hearts, rainbows, and being “touchie feelie.”

I had a male co-worker once who HATED sports (and he was HETERO, and he later got married to a woman and had a kid by her), and not only was this guy BORED with football and other sports, but he said he hated being around men who talked about sports incessantly.

Had a female co-worker who adores college football, and an Aunt who loves football.

My ex used to bring me roses and do other typical romantic stuff, and I usually didn’t care for it.

I was a tom-boy in childhood (I hated Barbie and other dolls; I preferred playing with trucks, Planet of the Apes action figures, etc.), and in adulthood, I differ from the stereotypical “girly-girl” churches expect women to be.

Churches need to stop perpetuating gender stereotypes, because people cannot be neatly categorized into little boxes. Even if 90% of all females are all “love ‘n rainbows” all the time, it makes the other ten percent feel left out and alienated in these sermons.

Also: a lot of women LIKE VIDEO GAMES, and I mean the violent ones, not “dress- a- pony.”

(Link): Maverick pastor gets crowds streaming into church after erecting a stripper pole behind pulpit

    A local pastor said he put a stripper pole on his pulpit to help preach his message.

    It may raise some eyebrows, but Pastor Mike Scruggs said he’s hoping it will save some marriages. Scruggs admits he’s anything but a traditional pulpit preacher.” We try to make it relevant, straightforward.

    We don’t sugarcoat anything,” he said. On Friday, Scruggs’ sermon series drew a packed house at the Light of Word Ministries on Colerain Avenue.” We talk about sex. We talk about drugs. We talk about faith. We talk about relationships…, things that people are dealing with on a day-to-day basis,” Scruggs said.
    The series of sermons is called the “Battle of the Sexes,” with some rather interesting visual props.” On one side, (we’ll have) what men want or desire: your stripper pole, your video games, your sports,” Scruggs said.

    “The woman’s side (is) orderly, neat. It’s all about love, candy, teddy bears, roses and being wined and dined and cherished.”

    Scruggs said his church focuses on real situations and brings godly solutions.” We push the envelope, that’s true,” he said.

Continue reading “Preachers Who Use Strippers, Hula Girls, Topless Hunky Men, and Strip Poles During Church Services and Give Sex Diplomas to Teens – Yes, Really”

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Leader Al Mohler Makes Tacky, Crass Sex Joke on Twitter

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary Leader Al Mohler Makes Tacky, Crass Sex Joke on Twitter

(Link): Click here to view Al Mohler Tasteless Tweet

Mohler’s tweet (and remember, this is a man who sits around admonishing and condemning other people about their sexuality, sexual purity, or sex lives, or their martial status – he’s also a Neo Calvinist, if I am not mistaken):

    Ahh… should I be concerned that @DennyBurk ‘s new book manuscript on sex came wrapped in plastic? #accountability

Mohler also has unbiblical views about procreation (see also: (Link): my previous post about Christian couples who choose to remain childless or who are infertile):

    (Source) Deliberate childlessness
    Mohler spoke in June, 2004, about married adults who choose not to have children.
    “The Scripture does not even envision married couples who choose not to have children. The shocking reality is that some Christians have bought into this lifestyle and claim childlessness as a legitimate option. The rise of modern contraceptives has made this technologically possible. But the fact remains that though childlessness may be made possible by the contraceptive revolution, it remains a form of rebellion against God’s design and order.”[18]
    Mohler has also been critical of birth control methods that prevent implantation of the fertilized egg, which he believes “involve nothing less than an early abortion,” and has attempted to bring about a new reflection on the topic within Evangelical opinion.[19]

No Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity and Sexual Purity – Christians Attack and Criticize Virginity Sexual Purity Celibacy / Virginity Sexual Purity Not An Idol

No, Christians and Churches Do Not Idolize Virginity or Sexual Purity or Modesty

When doing a search for the phrase “does Christianity idolize motherhood,” several post headings by more liberal Christians, or secular critics, or emergents, popped up with the heading, “Do Christians Idolize Virginity.”

I looked over several of these pages.

The consensus by most of these bloggers and other writers is that yes, Christianity idolizes virginity, especially for women.

No, no, I’m afraid Christian culture does not idolize virginity, not for males or females. Far from it.

Conservative Christians pay a lot of lip service to celibacy and sexual purity, but most, including famous preachers, don’t live it out (look how many get caught having affairs and so forth; (Link): (see examples, or see this link for further examples) and do nothing to assist or encourage any Christian virgin past the age of 30.

I made this post so that anyone doing a search for “Do Christians idolize virginity” would find this, so I can direct you to my previous post on this blog -please see the following post:

(Link): The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity – Christians do not truly support celibacy or virginity let alone idolize either one – especially not for anyone over the age of 30

I’m a Christian virgin at age 40+ (I had hoped to be married by my mid 30s; staying single this long was not a choice) and Christian literature and many churches actually treats me, and those like me, as a freak, as a failure, and we older virgins don’t feel welcome in churches, because most of them worship marriage and family. Just visit my blog post linked above to read more.

The flip side of all this, is that some churches are paranoid about sexual sin and end up teaching younger -and even older- Christians to fear the opposite sex, to avoid any possibility of fornication, which means, Christians don’t date each other and eventually marry. I have written posts about that, too – see the categories off to the right of the blog page, “how Christians are keeping Christian singles single,” and “Christian teachings about dating.”

But, contrary to Rachel Held Evans, other emergents, liberals, and anyone antagonistic towards Christianity, there is really no idolization of sexual purity and virginity going on in Christian circles, not in most mainline, normal Christian denominations: the opposite is true; most preachers and denominations expect you will eventually fornicate, and they also preach an “easy forgivism” of sexual sin.

Remember, I said ‘normal’ and ‘mainline.’ I realize there are a few small, aberrant groups that claim Christianity who do go crazy with legalism over virginity and sexual purity. I’m not talking about those kook, hyper legalistic, fringe groups, but rather, the more common, run of the mill, conservative evangelical, Southern Baptist, and fundamentalist groups and churches.

See my previous post for more on this topic:

(Link): The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity

Related posts, this blog:

(Link):  Some Researchers Argue that Shame Should Be Used to Treat Sexual Compulsions

(Link): Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

(Link): Stop Telling Adult Singles and Adult Virgins That Their Virginity and Singleness is “For God’s Glory” – just stop it already

(Link): Are Most Churches Too Judgemental About Sexual Sin? (of the hetero variety)

(Link): A Day In The Life Of An Abstinence Ed Teacher by S. Gomez

(Link):  Gonorrhea Super Strain Becoming ‘Untreatable’ (in the UK; may ben heading to the USA) – 2015 story

(Link):  CDC Report: Virgin Teens Much Healthier Than Their Sexually Active Peers (2016 Report)

(Link):  Our Bodies Were Not Made for Sex by T. Swann

(Link): The Christian and Non Christian Phenomenon of Virgin Shaming and Celibate Shaming

(Link): Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity” by Princess Weekes

(Link):  Churches No Longer Teaching that Pre-Marital Sex is a Sin

(Link):  An Example of Mocking Adult Virginity Via Twitter (Virginity Used As Insult)

(Link): Anti Virginity Editorial by Christian Blogger Tim Challies – Do Hurt / Shame Feelings or Sexual Abuse Mean Christians Should Cease Supporting Virginity or Teaching About Sexual Purity

(Link): Christians Who Attack Virginity Celibacy and Sexual Purity – and specifically Russell D. Moore and James M. Kushiner

(Link): Christians Speaking Out of Both Sides of Their Mouths About Sexual Sin – Choices and Actions and How You Teach This Stuff Has Consequences

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Group (CBMW) Anti Virginity and Anti Sexual Purity Stance (At Least Watered Down) – and their Anti Homosexual Marriage Position

(Link): Christian TV Show Host Pat Robertson Disrespects Virginity – Says Pre-Marital Sex Is “Not A Bad Thing”

(Link): Joshua Rogers of Boundless / Focus on the Family Attacks Biblical Teaching of Virginity Until Marriage

(Link): Christian Double Standards on Celibacy – Hetero Singles Must Abstain from Sex but Not Homosexual Singles

(Emergents, Sexual Abuse Victims, some Feminists, and Liberals attacking sexual purity teachings and virgin until marriage teachings mentioned in the following post):

(Link): Emergent Christian Guy Says Christians Need to “Celebrate Pre Marital Sex” (Fornication)

(Link): Why So Much Fornication (sex outside of marriage) – Because Christians Have No Expectation of Sexual Purity

(Link): Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – Easy Forgivism

(Link): Church Postcards That Would Keep Me Away From Church (Re Marriage and Family Vs Singles and Childless / Childfree)

(Link): Douglas Wilson and Christian Response FAIL to Sexual Sin – No Body Can Resist Sex – supposedly – Re: Celibacy

When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments

I’ve been meaning on writing about this topic for some time, but it’s not one I want to spend a lot of time on.

A recent visitor comment at the blog reminded me of it. Here’s the comment, from a previous thread:

Most churches probably are bored with the “average Jane” stories [testimonies]. But I think the real reason we [mature Christian celibates] are silenced is because we would make too many people look . . . bad.

We are an embarrassment to them and would make most church parents uncomfortable if we spoke about virginity or saving sex until marriage.

How many of them waited? Several fathers over the years have asked me “John, what am I going to tell my children?” My answer is always “the truth.”

// end quote

Certainly there is a problem in Christian circles among hetero-sexuals and fornication, but I have seen this attitude in comment sections on Christian blogs that it’s cruel, as the Christian faith does, to ask those with same-sex attraction to remain celibate over their lives.

I do not understand this view point at all, since the Bible also tells hetero-sexuals to refrain from sex outside of marriage.

I have arrived at my early 40s and have never had sex because I have never married. And I am hetero with a normal libido. I may never marry.

Why would any Christian want to argue that homosexuals get a special exemption from the “no sex outside of marriage” biblical dictate? (And yes, the Bible teaches this, no matter how much feminists, ex-Christians, or egalitarian, liberal Christian women who hate purity teachings want to admit.)

I have actually seen self professing Christians on blogs say,

“Oh wow, I’m a married man, but I don’t know, if I were homosexual, could I live my whole life celibate? I don’t think so. I’m afraid that’s asking too much of any man. Maybe the church should back off on this.”

// end quote

Oh. I see. Homosexual men and homosexual women get a special pass concerning fornication, but hetero-sexual singles such as myself have to continue to buck it up and deal? Sorry but no. No double standards.

Because lifelong celibacy is viewed as an impossiblity (it is not; living proof right here), or as too hard (no, it’s not always easy, that is true, but it can be done), some people think homosexuals should be allowed to go to it (and some think heteros should be allowed to go to it, too).

Continue reading “When Adult Virginity and Adult Celibacy Are Viewed As Inconvenient or As Impediments”

Students Discuss Dissatisfaction with “Hookup Culture” [Casual Sex, Fornication, Pre Marital Sex]

College Students Discuss Dissatisfaction with “Hookup Culture” [Casual Sex, Fornication, Pre Marital Sex]

I just (Link): did a post the other day by a secular source that published commentary by a Christian (or former Christian) gal who said she was sorely misled by Christian sexual purity teachings.

Isn’t it interesting, though, that the secular “anything goes when it comes to sex” culture also produces young people -or adults- who are dissatisfied with sex? Because it does. See article below.

Read the article here:

Students Speak Out Against the ‘Hookup Culture’

    CBN News has reported on the growth of immoral activities on college campuses such as Yale’s “Sex Week.” It’s part of a longtime trend of casual sex on college campuses known as the “hookup culture.” But students are growing tired of it and taking a stand for sexual purity.

    Princeton University freshman Christian Say admits he likes to swim against the tide. He is one of many students pushing back against pressure to have sex before marriage.

    “We don’t think the assumption should be that students are just going to be hooking up and having sex because there are people who think that is just not what leads to a good human life,” Say told CBN News in a recent interview near the school’s campus.

    College professor and author Donna Freitas writes about that “hookup culture,” naming three characteristics to describe it.

    …”There is an understanding with a lot of people in the hookup culture that there is this sort of emptiness to it,” Say told CBN News.

    ..”To hear so many students, either really unhappy or incredibly ambivalent [about] their sexual experiences in college is depressing to me,” Freitas said.

    Freitas surveyed more than 2,000 college students across the country. Forty-one percent of those students used words like “regretful,” “miserable,” “disgusted,” “ashamed,” “duped” and “abused” to describe their hookup experience. Twenty-three percent of them expressed ambivalence.

    From that study, the author concluded many of the students felt alone and unsure of how to change the culture.

    Freitas said, “In a lot of ways, starting is the hardest part because that requires some courage. The biggest hurdle to that is you have got all these students on campus who will say ‘I am the only one who feels this way, but everyone else is over here, and I am all alone over here.’ But you have so many students who are saying that, so a part of me wants to say ‘Listen, you are just like this other person. You should tell the world you feel that way and you are going to find all these friends.'”

(Link): Click here to read the rest of the CBN report

How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)

((DISCLAIMER. This post is addressing consensual sex, NOT sexual abuse or rape.))

As one regular blog visitor, John M.(*) has noted on a prior post or two, Christian culture has a very peculiar habit of holding up Non-Virgins as role models on virginity (or celibacy, sexual purity), and I’m not talking about married Christian people who have remained faithful to their spouse (which is also a tad annoying as far as using marrieds as spokes-persons for singles or for issues singles face), but also people who had sex before they were married.

Often in these stories, the so-called authority on sexual purity had sex as a teen or 20-something, but then decided to stop having sex until marriage. So technically, these sorts of individuals are not virgins.

Some of these individuals, ones who committed fornication, like to call themselves “spiritual virgins,” “secondary virgins” or “born again virgins.”(No, I’m not kidding about that, see this older post at this blog.)

Some Christian organizations, such as Ron Luce’s, teach kids about a concept called “Emotional Virginity.” (Yes, they do. (Link): See this post.)

I can only assume there is a corollary teaching in such groups, something called “Born Again Emotional Virginity,” or “Spiritual Emotional Virginity,” for those teens who have failed to keep “Emotional Virginity.” (Not that I believe in such a concept of “Emotional Virginity” myself; it sounds ridiculous and unbiblical.)

God certainly does forgive people their sexual sin, but coming up with terms such as “born again virgin” and the like to denote that you are forgiven for your fornication, and to ease your conscience on some level, cheapens honest- to- goodness virginity.

Such terminology and such attitudes (and it comes up regularly in secular and Christian feminist, anti- purity/ anti- modesty writings on the internet, too) makes a mockery of those of us who have literally held out past the age of 35 or 40 and are still virgins – not figuratively, allegorically virgin, but really- and- truly- we’ve- never- had- sex variety type of virgin.

-Churches and Christians Hold Up Fornicators As Paragons of Sexual Virtue-

Things get a little stranger when one realizes that in the Christian blogging, television, and magazine world, and on the speaking circuit, Christian fornicators (those who had sex before getting married) are held up as experts or as role models for sexual purity to teen-agers and young adults.

(I’d like to pause here to say, for the billionth time, celibacy and virginity are not just for Christians under the age of 25 or 30, when will the church address the needs and concerns of unmarried celibates past the age of 30? Most Christians continually assume that nobody is strong enough to resist the urge of sex past the age of 25 / 30, which is incorrect, since some of us have in fact done so.)

I just blogged the other day about an article from “Christian Post” online magazine about a woman, Gresh, who is hired to speak to teens or write literature for them concerning sexual purity, yet she had sex when she was 15 years old, and she was not married at the time. She says she regrets having been sexually active outside marriage.

I am not sure why the Christian community likes to hold up failures at sexual mores as pristine examples for youth to follow.

Maybe most Christians assume one who has failed at sexual purity but recommitted to celibacy at a later date is more relateable for teens. Maybe the thinking is such individuals have more insight because they made a mistake but conquered it or learned from it.

Here’s a novel idea, preachers and Christian community:

How about holding up Christians who have not failed at sexual purity as role models for sexual purity? If a Christian did not yield to sexual pressure as a teen or 20 something and is still an actual virgin (not a “born again virgin” but a genuine one) past the age of 40, Christians can learn from them.

The Bible contains advice in the Old Testament along the lines that if you want to know how to become wealthy, hang out with, befriend, and talk to wealthy people. The Bible does not say to hang out with people who are living in poverty or take financial tips from spend thrifts, or to take monetary advice from welfare recipients, now does it? No, it doesn’t.

The Old Testament also says, if you want to find out how to be wise, then associate and question wise people, and learn from the wise. The Bible does not say, “If you want to find out how to be wise, befriend and take advice from the biggest idiots you know, or people who regularly make foolish choices.”

So, wouldn’t it make sense for churches and pastors to point to Christians who are still virgins at age 35 and beyond as experts or role models for sexual purity?

I’m afraid one reason many churches do not is that there are several stereotypes about never-married celibate adults. The truth is that most older celibate Christians are HETERO sexual and have normal sexual drives.

(Please click the “read more” link to read the rest of this post)

Continue reading “How About Using Celibates as Role Models For Celibacy? (Oddity: Christians Holding Up Non-Virgins [Fornicators] As Being Experts or Positive Examples on Sexual Purity)”

Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh

Before you read the link/ editorial below, please see my previous post:

(Link, previous post at Christian Pundit Blog): The Contemporary Church Undervalues Celibacy / Virginity

(Link): (“Sexual Purity Under Attack”)

I can’t get too excited about the page or the efforts, because once again, all the concern is for the under- age- 25 demographic.

Christians don’t give a rat’s ass about anyone who is actually a virgin, still unmarried past the age of 30. Regardless, here are a few excerpts from the page (click the link to read the whole article):

    By Melissa Barnhart, May 11, 2013

    Dannah Gresh, a best-selling author and advocate for the sexual purity movement, was a featured speaker at this year’s TEDxPSU event at Pennsylvania State University, and spoke about sexual myths that are hurting teenagers and college students who are navigating a culture that promotes tolerance of all sexual behaviors and choices, except abstinence.

    “We’re waving the banner of tolerance over the nation, but the one thing that’s not tolerated is abstinence and sexual purity,” said Gresh in an interview with The Christian Post on Wednesday. “Something parents don’t understand is that their teenagers are living in an age where virginity isn’t tolerated.”
    Continue reading “Sexual Purity Under Attack in Nation’s Schools, Says Christian Author Dannah Gresh”

More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog

More ‘Men Are Visual’ Baloney, Discussed at Another Blog (from someone with similar views as mine)

Here’s a post at another blog which covers some ground I’ve been over on my blog before:

(Link): Men Are Visual Women Are Vessels – post from (Link): “Emotional Abuse and You Blog

Here’s an excerpt or two from that page (please visit their blog to read the entire entry):

    This author [who tells married women their husbands are horn dogs to be sexually serviced around the clock, because they are visually stimulated all day long] needs to realize women feel used under those circumstances, and it doesn’t communicate being emotionally healthy at all. He basically states – men lust so make sure you are available when he needs it. Remember his ‘needs’. He is using shame to cover his sin.

    ….Are men going to notice women? Yes. They don’t have to be dressed a certain either. Think BURKA, and tell me those parts of the world LUST isn’t alive and well! They have a heck of a lot less ‘visuals’ to blame it on! Think about it.

Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Conflicting Message to Christian Women by Christians About Physical Appearance

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Christian Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link): Topics: Friendship is Possible / Sexualization By Culture Of All Relationships

(Link): Getting Married Does Not Necessarily Guarantee Frequent Hot Satisfying Sexy Sex / (also discussed): Gender and Sex Stereotypes (article)

(Link): When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link): Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist

When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist

Just like some segments of Islam, there are some schools of Christianity, notably conservative evangelicals, and some Southern Baptists, and Good Lawd knows your Independent Fundamentalist Baptists, who blame women for mens’s sexual trespasses. Women are made accountable for the sexual failings of men, ergo women are given a bunch of man made rules to follow, such as how long their skirts should be and so forth.

Women in all these religous groups are told, or it is strongly implied, that if they are raped, it’s because they were wearing revealing clothing. In some of these faiths, women are told by wearing a low cut blouse or short skirt, they can cause a man to have lusty thoughts, and they, the women, are to blame for this.

Recall from previous musings on this blog I’ve pointed out how conservative Christian males live in this odd bubble of denial where they do not like to admit to themselves, or to each other, that women do notice what men look like, most women prefer sexy, fit, attractive men, and women have sexual desire too.

This brings me to an interesting phenomenon I’ve noticed among some Muslims.

I am by no means an expert on Islam, but I’ve read about it off and on over the years and had to study it a tiny bit while in college.

I recall reading in one book that some Muslim men (and I don’t remember what nation this was) wear long-sleeved shirts all the time, and their rationale for covering up in these long shirts is that some women might be sexually stimulated by seeing their forearms.

I don’t know personally of any women who are “turned on” by a man’s forearms, maybe they do exist, I don’t know, but this attitude was fascinating to me.

In news reports after the Boston Marathon bombings, I heard one reporter mention that the older terrorist, the 26 year old Tamerlan Tsarnaev, told someone months before that he was reluctant to go out in public shirtless, not even to play sports shirtless, was my understanding, because he didn’t want to create lustful thoughts in women who would look at his built frame and think, “hubba hubba.”

Ordinarily, in much of Islamic thought (from what I’ve read over the years), women can bring rape upon themselves, or cause men to commit sexual sin and lustful thoughts, if their bodies and faces are not covered, hence, the wearing of the burka.

Continue reading “When The Female Libido and Female Gaze Is Acknowledged in Religion – and the Shirtless Boston Terrorist”

Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity (audio interview)

Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity. (audio interview)

There is a link below to an interview by Mefferd with an author, DiMarco, who wrote a book called “True Purity.” He discusses how to present celibacy / sexual purity to people, particularly teens (why is the focus always on TEENS and 20 somethings? First mistake right there).

It’s been a couple of weeks since I listened to the interview, so I don’t recall all the details. Based on what I do recall…

The author discusses how much teaching on abstinence fails because it does not center the teaching in who people are “in Christ.”

DiMarco seems to feel if only people remember they have a relationship with Jesus, that this will strengthen them or enable them to abstain from sex. That may be true in part for some Christians who remain virgins past the age of 30, but in some ways it’s a vague and ineffective response.

It is common for some Christian authors to intellectualize celibacy and sexual matters, and this author is no different. Intellecutalizing the issues doesn’t do anything to really solve the issue or tackle some of the core issues singles face, especially for unmarrieds over the age of 35, other than having unfulfilled sexual desires: one of their biggest obstacles is loneliness.

Continue reading “Author Michael DiMarco talks about his book True Purity (audio interview)”

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reasons Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

I’ve discussed this before, but it’s worth mentioning in its own post:

Many Christians say they are concerned that more and more Christians are not marrying at all, or not marrying until later in life. They don’t understand why.

One of several reasons single Christians are remaining single is due to typical teaching about dating and marriage from most conservative Christian preachers, bloggers, and authors.

Because many Christians remain terrified of other Christians possibly getting involved in fornication, most of their relationship advice, even to unmarried Christians over the age of 35, comes down to: stay away from the opposite sex.

Telling females to stay away from males and vice versa, will only result in keeping Christian singles single.

Other approaches, such as “courting” and telling Christians to “date in groups” doesn’t work, either.

I can understand the group dating approach for teens or maybe blind dates, but for adults over the age of 25?

Evangelicals and Baptists guarantee prolonged or life long singleness by making the dating process convoluted and making singles paranoid of the opposite sex, or acting as though each and every meeting between the genders can and will end in sex.

If Christians want Christians to marry, and they keep saying they do, they need to stop advising Christian singles to stay away from singles of the opposite gender.

That should be obvious, but in many areas of American Christianity, it’s not.

–Some Christian Women Shy Away From Marriage Due to “Biblical Gender Complementarian” Teachings–

On another note, I’ve seen several younger Christian ladies say on other blogs that one reason they stay single is that they are afraid to get married.

They are afraid to get married because many churches teach ‘biblical gender complementarian’ garbage.

Continue reading “Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)”