So-Called Virginity Tests Are Unreliable, Invasive and Sexist. And Yet They Persist. by H. Ka

So-Called Virginity Tests Are Unreliable, Invasive and Sexist. And Yet They Persist. by H. Kaur

I don’t agree with all content in this editorial or ones like it.

I don’t share the view that virginity is a “social construct,” as is stated in this editorial.

American culture shames people who are NOT sexually active – there is no respect from culture, churches, liberals, conservatives, atheists, Christians or anyone else, for virginity.

(Link): So-Called Virginity Tests Are Unreliable, Invasive and Sexist. And Yet They Persist.

(CNN) The comments, as soon as they made the rounds, were met with swift condemnation: Rapper T.I. says he takes his daughter to the gynecologist after each birthday to determine if she’s a virgin.

Celebrities and the Twittersphere howled in disbelief. Human rights advocates and doctors tut tutted their disapproval. The hosts of the podcast Ladies Like Us, where T.I. made the remarks, distanced themselves. (CNN could not reach T.I. for comment.)

As doctors and scientists will tell you, there is no test or exam that can reliably and accurately determine whether a girl or a woman has had sex — and consequently assess whether she’s a “virgin.”

Continue reading “So-Called Virginity Tests Are Unreliable, Invasive and Sexist. And Yet They Persist. by H. Ka”

Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky

Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky

American society stopped “slut shaming” people for having sex outside of marriage many years ago, contrary to what the anti-sexual purity “Ex-vangelicals,” liberal Christians, Christian feminists, and other groups argue on blogs and twitter.

The trend has been the opposite in years past: adults who are celibate and single are often ridiculed or thought of as weird losers if they’re not in a romantic relationship and not having sex.

Our culture went from “Slut Shaming” years ago to “Celibate and Virgin Shaming.” (I have examples all over this blog, look for them).

Here’s an essay by a guy who didn’t lose his virginity until his late twenties. It’s another anecdotal piece of the pie demonstrating how our sex saturated culture shames people who are not having sex.

(Link): Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 

Excerpts

by Noah Berlatsky
April 2018

The man who murdered ten people in Toronto with a van, like the 2014 Isla Vista killer, considered himself an “incel,” or involuntary celibate.

Incels are men who blame the world, and especially women, for the fact that they are virgins, or aren’t having sex as often as they want.

They see women as manipulators who choose powerful but shallow men, and unfairly ignore and even torment good guys like themselves.

Resentment becomes an excuse for misogyny, and sometimes, for violence.

In the aftermath of the Toronto massacre, some people were quick to use the killer’s celibacy as an insult.

Continue reading “Don’t Let ‘Incel’ Misogynists Like the Toronto Killer Tell You They’re Special – I Was A Virgin Until I Was 27 By Noah Berlatsky”

Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’

Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’

(Link): Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a virgin at 34’ 

DEAR DEIDRE: SIMPLY put, I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a virgin at 34.

I am a big guy, 6ft 6in and with a large build and I find it almost impossible to meet women who want more than just friendship.

Continue reading “Dear Advice Columnist: ‘I am fed up with never having had a girlfriend and being a Virgin at 34’”

Women Being Slut Shamed, Virgin Shamed, or Celibate Shamed at The Doctor’s Office

Women Being Slut Shamed, Virgin Shamed, or Celibate Shamed at The Doctor’s Office

So, I saw a headline go through my Twitter feed a few weeks ago about a woman who says while on a trip to the doctor’s office to get a check up, she was “slut shamed” by a nurse practitioner at that appointment. (The link to that is towards the bottom of this post.)

I don’t doubt her experience, but I chipped in under that Tweet or another related to mention that as a chaste woman – I’m over 45 and still a virgin myself – I had the same exact thing happen to me, but in the reverse, when I was in my mid or late 20s and had to see a doctor to get blood tests done (over a non-sexual related medical issue).

The doctor I saw at my appointment sort of “Virgin-Shamed” me at that time.

We’re all the time hearing about “Slut Shaming” in our culture, but there is far more Celibacy- and Virgin- Shaming taking place than Slut Shaming.

However, I don’t very often see feminists discussing Virgin-Shaming nearly as much.

As a matter of fact, some feminists who are always complaining about “slut shaming” participate in Celibate-Shaming, or Virgin-Shaming (and sadly, other conservatives also participate in virgin shaming or celibate shaming as well, though many conservatives CLAIM to respect sexual abstinence – but they really do not).

The lady doctor I saw when I was in my mid to late 20s said in addition to running the tests I was in to see her for that day (and I don’t recall now what they were, only that the tests were not related to anything of a sexual nature), she also wanted to run sexually transmitted disease tests on my blood samples to make sure I did not have any sexually transmitted diseases.

I laughed and told her that would be a waste of her time and the lab’s time, as I was still a virgin.

Continue reading “Women Being Slut Shamed, Virgin Shamed, or Celibate Shamed at The Doctor’s Office”

Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics by R. Dreher

Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics by R. Dreher

Before we get to the link and excerpts to the page by Dreher, let’s talk for a moment about the liberal Christian and ex-Christian backlash against Purity Culture:

I’ve seen this as well, time and again from the “anti purity culture” brigade on Tweets and blogs:
They think that dismantling “Purity Culture” means rejecting all Christian sexual ethics, or the “rules” or specific morals of it they do not like, including the biblical teaching that fornication is considered a sin (some self-professing Christians are actually on blogs insisting that God doesn’t prohibit pre-marital sex, but they can’t point to verses that say that God accepts it, either).

But there is definitely a “throw the baby out with the bathwater” mindset among many of the “anti Purity Culture” adherents. They also tend to “look down their noses” at adults over the age of 30 who voluntarily sexually abstain – both liberals and Christian conservatives view adult celibates as repressed, weird, or as freaks.

I’m a woman who never married, was committed to the idea of abstaining until marriage, so I am still a virgin – and I’m currently in my forties. I mention that because one thing I’d like to make clear: not everyone who leaves the faith does so due to sexual considerations.

I myself am not quite Christian and not quite non-Christian – but I remain celibate. I’m now fine with the idea of having sex outside of marriage, but only in a committed relationship – but I arrived at this view years after my faith crisis began.

In other words, having sex was not a reason as to why I’m somewhat walked away from the faith – sex was not the cause or my reason.

So, if you are a Christian who tut tuts and shames people online for leaving the faith, please stop assuming that most who leave the faith do so because they are sexual libertines who want to have sex all over the place. That may be true for some ex-Christians or for some doubters, but it’s certainly not the case for all of them.

(Link): Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics

Excerpts:

Matthew Lee Anderson (Link): makes a true and necessary point about Josh Harris’s apostasy and the subsequent critiques of Evangelical “purity culture.” Excerpts: [omit]

….As I’ve said before, I don’t have any direct experience with “purity culture,” though I have friends who are theologically conservative on sexual matters, but who say that they were damaged by it.

Their point, as I understand it, is not that traditional Christian sexual ethics are wrong, but that “purity culture” distorts them in a rigidly legalistic way that can harm the ability of particular believers to live out these ethics. I accept that this can be true. I have seen this kind of thing at work within non-Protestant religious circles too.

That said, Anderson is certainly right that whatever the problems with purity culture, they can never justify throwing out Christian sexual ethics, tout court.

Continue reading “Impure Motives Of ‘Purity Culture’ Critics by R. Dreher”

Letter to Advice Columnist: ‘I’m A Virgin Age 55 and I Worry My Life is Wasted’

Letter to Advice Columnist: ‘I’m A Virgin Age 55 and I Worry My Life is Wasted’

I’m less perturbed by this guy’s homosexual orientation and more by his ageism. What is it with older men (LGBT or hetero) who insist on only boinking or dating and marrying much younger people?

And by the way: it’s a sad, sad misunderstanding and misconception by a lot of people that all people (or most) who are virgins or never-married by the age of 30 or 40 are all LGBT. That is not true! I too am a never married adult, am still a virgin, yet I am a hetero. I am NOT LGBT.

(Link): Dear Coleen: I’m a virgin age 55 and I worry my life is wasted

by C. Nolan
July 2019

Growing up in a small village community, I never felt comfortable declaring how I felt and only two or three people know the truth about me

Dear Coleen
I’m a 55-year-old gay man and I’ve known about my sexuality since my teens, but I’ve never had any sexual experiences or relationships with anyone.

I’m still a virgin and I keep my sexuality a closely guarded secret.

Continue reading “Letter to Advice Columnist: ‘I’m A Virgin Age 55 and I Worry My Life is Wasted’”

Inside Secret World of Incels Who Turn To Murder Because They’ve Never Had Sex by J. Lavender

Inside Secret World of Incels Who Turn To Murder Because They’ve Never Had Sex by J. Lavender

Ah, male entitlement. I’m a celibate, hetero woman who had hoped to marry (and hence be having sex with a husband), I’m still single and celibate over age of 45, but I don’t run around killing men because of it.

I do not believe men owe me sex or marriage. Too bad our culture largely sends a message to boys and men in movies, magazine ads, and so on, that they are all deserving and owed marriage, sex, or dates.

Rejection is a part of life, whether we’re talking about not getting what we want romance-wise (no marriage, no dates, no sex, etc), or in other areas. You can go out on a lot of job interviews and be rejected by employer after employer.

Notice that in some of these cases, men are also harmed by incels: incels don’t always just target women, they also kill men in their rampages.

(Link): Inside secret world of Incels who turn to murder because they’ve never had sex

July 2019

WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT Elliot Rodger butchered six people because he was a virgin and had been constantly rejected by women

When Elliot Rodger slaughtered six university students he had never met, the world united in grief.

But when it emerged that the 22-year-old had carried out the senseless murdersof innocent victims because he was virgin who had been rejected by women, grief turned to horror.

Rodger’s horrific actions exposed a chilling online underworld of the Incels, meaning involuntarily celibate.

Continue reading “Inside Secret World of Incels Who Turn To Murder Because They’ve Never Had Sex by J. Lavender”

World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex” by H. Holloway

World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex” by H. Holloway

(Link): World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex”

May 6, 2019

THE MADAM of the world’s biggest brothel has revealed the establishment is seeing more adult virgins than ever before – and some of them are not interested in sex.

Dena, from famous Nevada legal brothel Sheri’s Ranch, revealed the Daily Star Online they having a boom of “late bloomers”.

Sheri’s Ranch is believed to be the largest establishment of its kind in the world.

The brothel styles itself as luxurious rest with a bar, spa, pool and a full range of services on the “sex menu”.

And ranch mama Dena revealed some of their clients are not interested in just sex.

Continue reading “World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex” by H. Holloway”

When Your Wedding Night Is Your First Time – via NPR

When Your Wedding Night Is Your First Time – via NPR

(Link): When Your Wedding Night Is Your First Time

Now that they’re married, Laura and Adam Hardin clearly have figured it out: their two toddlers were pattering around upstairs in their modest home in a Washington, D.C., suburb when NPR visited recently.

And Laura’s belly was bulging with their third baby — a daughter born last week.

But Adam remembers some anxious moments on their honeymoon almost five years ago — the first time either of them had sex. Continue reading “When Your Wedding Night Is Your First Time – via NPR”

Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019

The following piece at The Atlantic (“The Happiness Recession”) was written by marriage-idolater and anti-singleness bigot of The Institute for Family Studies, W. Bradford Wilcox, and co-writer Lyman Stone.

I’d like to remind any new-comers to this blog that I am a life long conservative. I am not a liberal.

Marriage Is Not A Guarantee For Good or Regular Sex

This moronic essay actually suggests that single adults having less sex is what has led to them reporting higher rates of unhappiness, if I’m understanding things correctly.

This, astonishingly, from a right wing organization, (Link): The Institute For Family Studies, that claims to promote “strong families,” and good Lord knows they are obsessed with promoting marriage, even if that comes at the expense of singleness.

The members of this organization regularly publish materials intended to scare, guilt, shame, or pressure single adults into getting married, because this organization exists to promote the nuclear family: hetero-marriage where the couple have children.

Continue reading “Conservatives Have Now Abandoned All Pretense of Advocating For Sexual Abstinence and They Actually Lament the Lack of Fornication – The Bradford Wilcox Piece, 2019”

My Thoughts Regarding the Editorial: Sex & The Single Pastor by Rod Dreher

My Thoughts Regarding the Editorial: Sex & The Single Pastor by Rod Dreher

The following editorial by Rod Dreher is about a liberal Luthern preacher named Nadia Bolz Weber who recently had a bunch of women’s “sexual purity rings” melted down to have an artist form them into the shape of a vagina.

Bolz Weber also released a new book about sex called “Shameless.” It’s an anti-Purity Culture book.

The author of this essay, Dreher, refers readers of his piece to (Link): this page (“The Luthern Pastor Calling For a Sexual Revolution”) at the New Yorker about Bolz Weber.

I was a devout Christian for many years, and that is one reason among a few as to why I remain a virgin past the age of 45.

That’s right, I’ve never had sex – because I was waiting until I got married to have sex, but I never found the right guy to marry.

I have spent a few years blogging here pointing out how nobody but nobody respects adult virginity or celibacy.

Many conservatives and Christians mock and insult adult celibacy and virginity, not just “sex positive” feminists or liberals.

As a matter of fact, a lot of Christians (and secular conservatives) view marriage to be the norm, and as something that can “fix” society, so they shame or insult anyone who remains single past the page of 30, whether that singleness is due to choice or circumstance. (I have examples of this sort of thing in older posts on this blog.)

Continue reading “My Thoughts Regarding the Editorial: Sex & The Single Pastor by Rod Dreher”

Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin

Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin

The author’s attitude towards celibacy is a bit negative, which I do not like. This guy seems to worship the Nuclear Family, something a lot of secular and Christian conservatives are guilty of.

It’s not just technology that possibly leads to celibacy – Christian teachings in the United States is also, or can be, a celibacy factory., and that was true long before the rise of social media.

He thinks less sex is “grim.” Oh please.

Marriage isn’t a guarantee of sex, either. I have many examples on my blog of (Link): sexless marriages.

(Link): Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession

We may live amidst what seems a libidinous culture, but oddly also an increasingly sexless time.

Of course, the drop in early teen sex – and even more so, teen pregnancies – represents positive developments, but when lack of social interaction leads to celibacy in the twenties, thirties and beyond, the implications are less than wholesome.

The Atlantic recently described a “sex recession” in the United States and most western countries, with fewer people dating and even those in relationships getting intimate less often than in the past, while fewer enjoy regular bonds of any kind.

Continue reading “Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin”

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown

(Link): Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong

Pro tip: Don’t take advice from people who brag about their ‘smoking hot wives.’

Excerpts:

… Through [Christian-based] abstinence talks and dating talks and relationship talks, my understanding of marriage has become strewn with oft-repeated lines like “I don’t deserve my smoking hot wife” and “sex is awesome and feels great but you need to wait. I did.”

Well-meaning as they were, speakers used these lines to preach the Gospel, but the main thing I took away was a shallow understanding of sex and marriage. I found myself believing in two lies: “marriage and sex are completely different” and “sex is about me.”

Marriage and Sex Are Completely Different

Most talks and sermons on physical intimacy and marriage are compartmentalized. It is about sex… and then marriage, or it is about marriage… and then sex.

Continue reading “Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown”

I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)

My answer to the question posed in this post’s heading (I haven’t read the advice columnist’s response yet): No, you should not, depending on the timing.

You don’t tell someone very personal information up front, not in the first few months of dating, no.

Not unless they start asking you, pressuring you, for sex, within days or weeks of dating, and you don’t want to go there – but even then, you don’t have to disclose you are a virgin, you can just tell them, “No I don’t want to have sex.”

You do not owe them an explanation as to why not.

If a guy starts trying to kiss you, and you don’t want him to, tell him “I don’t want to kiss,” or “I don’t want to French kiss.” You still do not, at that stage, tell him your sexual history.

I’m afraid the lady who wrote this question thinks that when a guy is French Kissing her – which she says makes her uncomfortable, and she’d rather a dude NOT kiss her on their second date – she thinks this means she has to tell him then and there that she doesn’t want to be french kissed by date number two because she’s sexually inexperienced.

No. The two are not the same.

Not wanting some dude to not stick his tongue down your throat is not tantamount to telling him you’ve never had sex before (or whatever your sexual history is).

You can tell him you don’t like that type of kissing and/or you want him to take things slow, that you don’t like to get ‘Handsy’ or into “making out” early in a relationship.

You do not owe him the entire story. You don’t have to give him every detail of your life.

Not only do you not share personal information early on regarding sex when dating someone, but you do not, and should not, share your financial information, and things like that.

There is nothing wrong with telling a guy to slow the hell down – you can tell him upfront on a date at the outset you don’t want to make out, no kissing, no sex, or whatever your parameters are.

If the guy balks at your standards, makes fun of you, tries to cajole you out of your standards, mocks you, or acts like a jerk about it, he’s a loser – don’t waste your time on him.

(Link): I’m a 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date?

I am an almost 30-year-old straight woman who’s never had sex.

No P-in-V, no oral, not even heavy petting.

I have kissed two guys, neither of which were great experiences (my first kiss was five years ago, and he went from zero to tongue-down-throat).

Continue reading “I’m A 30-Year-Old Female Virgin – Should I Tell The Guys I Date? (Advice Column)”

Spurned Virgin Man Arrested in Utah for Threatening to Go on Shooting Rampage and Kill ‘As Many Girls as I See’ by David Edwards 

Spurned VirginMan Arrested in Utah for Threatening to Go on Shooting Rampage and Kill ‘As Many Girls as I See’ by David Edwards

Oh give me a break. I too am single, I’m also a virgin, would like to be in a relationship (of the romantic variety), but you don’t see me acting entitled to a man, and consequently going on shooting rampages because men are not asking me out on dates.

(Link): Spurned Man Arrested in Utah for Threatening to Go on Shooting Rampage and Kill ‘As Many Girls as I See’ by David Edwards

A spurned Denver man was taken into custody over the weekend after he allegedly threatened to kill “as many girls as I see.”

Continue reading “Spurned Virgin Man Arrested in Utah for Threatening to Go on Shooting Rampage and Kill ‘As Many Girls as I See’ by David Edwards “

What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC

What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC

(Link): What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC

Excerpts:

Having sex too soon is the biggest regret of young people losing their virginity, a survey of British sexual behaviour suggests.

More than a third of women and a quarter of men in their teens and early 20s admitted it had not been “the right time” when they first had sex.

People must be 16 or over to legally consent to sex.

The latest National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles poll says many people may not be ready at that age.

Continue reading “What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC”

I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

(Link): I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti

Excerpts:

“Bachelor” contestant Ashley Iaconetti on why a girl can act sexy without, you know, having sex.

Apparently I can’t be a virgin because I have my belly-button pierced. Or because I live in New Jersey. Or because I kissed Chris Soules “like that” during my appearance on The Bachelor. During my time on the show, social media was flooded with absurd judgements and arguments as to why I couldn’t possibly be a virgin.

It’s been odd and frustrating to see people debate the status of my hymen (!) on Twitter — seriously, people, that’s what you’re using your time tweeting about? And many people don’t just doubt my claim, but flat-out declare I’m a liar.

….I believe a girl can be sexy without having sex.

Continue reading “I’m a Virgin, So Why Am I Being Slut-Shamed? by Ashley Iaconetti”

ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos

ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos / Lily News

(Link): ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem?

Excerpts:

Past contestants say the show sometimes talks around sex in a way that feels exploitative

By The Lily News, Jan 6, 2019

Adapted from a story by The Washington Post’s Lisa Bonos.

Last night, this season of ABC’s “The Bachelor” premiered. Its lead is Colton Underwood: a 26-year-old former professional football player who, when he appeared on “The Bachelorette” this past summer, delivered an announcement that surprised many. He’s a virgin — and now, as he steps into the spotlight, ABC will not let us forget it for a moment.

Conversations with past Bachelor Nation virgins reveal the reality show and its spin offs often use wholesome things — such as virginity and the search for a husband and wife — as ways to talk about the more titillating aspects of dating, in ways that can feel exploitative.

Continue reading “ABC Won’t Let Us Forget That the New Bachelor Is A Virgin. Is That A Problem? by L. Bonos”

Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses by E. Biggi

Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses by E. Biggi

(Link): Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses

Excerpts:

The privileged position of the Vestal Virgins in Roman society survived for more than a thousand years—but the cult did not survive Christianity

Chosen as young girls, the priestesses of Vesta, goddess of the hearth, swore a 30-year vow of chastity and in turn were granted rights, privileges, and power unavailable to other women in Rome.

…One of the most remarkable elements of this story is the fact that Licinia owned a villa in the first place. Unlike other women, Licinia could own property precisely because she was a Vestal Virgin.

Continue reading “Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses by E. Biggi”

Male Teen Virgin Pays Prostitute For Sex, Now Says He’s in Love With Her (*Barf*)

Male Teen Virgin Pays Prostitute For Sex, Now Says He’s in Love With Her (*Barf*)

First, this news story is totally gross.
(I’m convinced this thing about teen boys losing their virginity to a hooker is less about their libido and probably has more to do with most cultures shaming anyone who is a virgin into their mid to late teens and adulthood.)

Secondly, he’s a naive idiot.

Notice the headline:

“Virgin, 16, ‘who won unlimited sex holiday falls in love with prostitute he slept with’”

He didn’t “sleep” with her. He paid her for sex. It was a business transaction.

Continue reading “Male Teen Virgin Pays Prostitute For Sex, Now Says He’s in Love With Her (*Barf*)”