Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness

Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single | Re: Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness Blog

The individual who heads the blog “A Geek in the Wilderness,” who writes under the name “Frank Swift,” laments the situation of singles in the church, but his views on marriage, singleness, and genders are not only contributing to his own lasting singleness, but his are some of the same mindsets the church at large has as well, and which are making marriage for Christians more difficult.

In other words, Mr. Swift is himself supporting the very marriage and prolonged singleness problems he is so upset about.

Before I continue further, the blog in question is located here:

(Link): A Geek in the Wilderness ( http://geeksjourney.com/ ), and again, the guy’s screen name is “Frank Swift.”

The tagline of his blog is

    “One geek/nerd hybrid journeys through history and the world in an epic search for truth, justice… and great pizza.”

I like pizza, but I can tell you after exchanging a few posts with this guy, he is not very interested in truth.

Swift does not seem open to having his views about gender roles and women questioned. A guy who is in search of truth would be open to re-examining his views, I would think.

Swift keeps parroting the same unproven, unfounded, unbiblical assumptions about women over and over in his replies to me.

I’ve directed him a few times to the (Link): Christians For Biblical Equality site (see Resources > Free Articles) and a few others, such as (Link): Under Much Grace.

I do credit Swift with initially allowing a few of my posts to stand on his blog (I myself don’t do that too much with this blog, since I use it to vent, not to debate).

I was polite in my initial batch of posts, despite Swift’s insufferable, obnoxious sexism on display. He has since replied to a few of those posts and has injected ad hominem into the replies (more about that below).

Mr. Swift’s blog first caught my attention when I was searching for material about Christian singles.

One of his pages turned up in the results, and it was this one:

(Link): How churches today abandoned the Christian single

Aspects of that page were interesting, but some of his views were troubling, such as this (Link): (Source):

    A marriage and family successfully functioning as one cohesive unit provides the skillset needed to run a church as one cohesive unit.

One does not have to be married to have have the skills or competence to “run a church” as “one cohesive unit.”

Some churches have in fact hired un-married men who are in their 30s who successfully ran the churches, though an un-married serving as pastor is very rare, as most churches are heavily biased against unmarried people. But it has happened on occasion, and the un-married were successful in their position.

The Bible does contain commentary along the lines that if a man is married, that he ought to have but one wife and other such qualifications(*), but the Bible does not exclude singles from leadership positions, as Swift believes.
*((Link): What does the “husband of one wife” phrase in 1 Timothy 3:2 mean? Can a divorced man serve as a pastor, elder, or deacon?)

The Bible places singleness on the same level of acceptance to God, and the same level of importance of singleness, as it does marriage, and at some points, the Apostle Paul writes singleness may be preferable to marriage because an unmarried person has more undivided attention than a married person.

None of that is to say that a single who wants to get married is sinning.

There is nothing sinful or selfish about wanting to get married, and other Christians need to stop discouraging and shaming Christians for wanting to get married, by saying things such as, “stop making marriage an idol,” “Jesus is all you need,” and so on, and by refusing to pray for singles, and such.

I explained to this Swift guy in one of my posts on his “Geek in the Wilderness” blog that the church has turned marriage and the nuclear family into an idol (with the “nuclear family” being an invention of 1950s American television programming; it is not quite a “biblical” presentation of family).

I gave Swift Bible verses on his blog where Jesus Christ said that Christians are not to put flesh and blood family before spiritual brothers and sisters in Christ.
(I have many blog pages about this topic, such as these two: (Link): The Bible Does Not Teach Christians to “Focus On The Family” – The Idolization of Family by American Christians (article), and (Link): If the Family Is Central, Christ Isn’t)

This all seems to fall on deaf ears with this guy.

He, like a lot of conservative Christians, continue to make secular feminism into the “boogey man” and the root of all ills in American culture, which it is not.

I am only surprised that Swift did not drag up the other favorite scapegoat and punching bag of evangelicals and conservative Christians: homosexuals, or the legalization of homosexual marriage.

To recap for anyone who is new to this blog: I myself am right wing, vote Republican, am a social conservative (and so I do not support homosexuality). For many years, I was a devout Christian. (I am by no means a left winger who embraces all views of secular feminism or the Democratic Party.) You can read more about my background and views on this blog’s “About Me” page.

Where Mr. Swift got rude, sexist, and very obnoxious with me was in this thread (I have not yet checked to see if he left me comments in the other thread):

(Link): Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?

In that thread, and a few others I glanced over, he continually makes all manner of unfounded assumptions about about women in general, such as this quote:

    Women likewise are more effective caretakers and nurturers because of the experience of raising their own children…

The Bible simply does not rigidly define gender roles or say that God designed women to be “nurturers” and males “leaders.”

Women have been socialized by secular society, parents, and churches, to be passive, sweet, submissive, cookie bakers; it’s not they these qualities are necessarily intrinsic to women.

I am a woman, but I was always a tom boy growing up. I preferred climbing trees, wearing converse sneakers, and watching Bat Man.

I hated pink clothing, wearing dresses, playing with Barbie dolls, and sitting around quietly as a kid. I wanted to go on adventures and have fun.

I had little interest in taking on Biblical or stereotypical “feminine” roles – which equated to being quiet, passive, sitting still, and playing with Barbie dolls.

People do not neatly fall into gender-defined boxes and patterns, no matter how badly you want them to.

I cited, for Swift, examples from the Bible of women who were ordained by God to lead men and women, to teach men (such as Apostle Junia, Deborah in the Old Testament, etc).

I at first was going to link to Mr. Swift’s page about singleness with a recommendation for it.

However, Swift, who makes himself out to be a Christian single, he is very sexist, Misogynistic, anti-singlehood, rude, condescending, and bitter (really, he is – I know a lot of married Christians try to shut down singles who want to air legitimate grievances by calling them “bitter,” but if you read through this guy’s blog, particularly his comments to me, he comes off as quite bitter).

I’m not sure of Swift’s age, but he seems to be in his early or mid 20s, very little life experience is evidenced, very narrow views of how life and relationships ‘should’ be, or how he thinks women “should” be permeate his thoughts.

Here is the first thread of Swift’s blog where I left several comments last night – initially, all my blog posts on his blog went through instantly, but now he has them set to moderation:

(Link) Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?

As I explained in a post on Swift’s page (“Single ladies, I’m ready to provide, are you ready to cook?”), I suppose there is nothing wrong with a man having a personal preference for a more demure, passive type partner…

Nor is it necessarily wrong, I guess, if both a man and a woman fully consent to enter a marriage based on a 1950s “Ward and June Cleaver” model, where the husband works all day and the wife stays at home all day baking bread.

However, these days, that sort of lifestyle is not achievable for most people; it takes two incomes, the man and women working, to pay the bills.

Anyway, my problem with this guy is mostly his tone. He demands that all women every where, or any women who enters his life, live by his very rigid gender roles.

He comes off as being very controlling.

I tried to explain to this guy that if he does not re-evaluate and re-consider his attitudes towards women, he will either

1. remain single a very long time (or forever), or

2. will attract only emotionally damaged women

And usually, in scenario 2, such women may develop severe depression and anxiety, and a divorce by either spouse may be a result.

Women who have depression (and / or anxiety) often cannot function. They cannot perform daily chores or tasks, or so much as get out of bed daily and brush their teeth, let alone dust the furniture, cook, do laundry, etc., because their mental health problems prohibit it.

As people grow older, they change over time: their personality, or desires in life, or goals. This is a FACT of life this guy denied, if I remember right.

The person you are when you are at 40 years old is not the same person you are when you were 20. (I’m not even the same now as I was just three years ago.) This ‘changing with age’ business is especially true FOR WOMEN.

That is, you can start out a marriage when you are 25 years of age to a submissive, passive wife, but as she grows older and gains more life experience, she may change her mind about various things – including you.

She may tire of playing the submissive role and demand a change, or she may just decide to divorce.

In a comment to another woman on his blog, Swift said he is advocating submission for any woman he marries, not slavery or being a doormat.

I told Swift that his views on “submission” read the same to me as sexism or slavery. I honestly did not see much of a difference and still do not.

This guy is so incredibly condescending towards me and other females who visit his blog, he will never get a girlfriend, much less get married.

Continue reading “Misogynistic Christian Single Guy Blog – Keeping Singles Single Re Frank Swift of Geek in the Wilderness”

Article: I’m Overweight and My Boyfriend’s Not. Big Freaking Deal

Article: I’m Overweight and My Boyfriend’s Not. Big Freaking Deal

Link – I’m a Fat Chick dating a skinny guy

    By Gloria Shuri Nava as told to Lori Majewski
    Tue, Jun 18, 2013

    My boyfriend Ali is 5’10” with friendly blue eyes, a dimpled smile and a fit, muscular body. He’s someone you’d expect to see with a really hot, thin woman…not an overweight girl like me.

    We’ve been dating for 18 months, and wherever we go— whether we’re walking hand in hand through the mall, airport or down the street in his hometown (Glasgow, Scotland) or mine (San Jose, California)— we get confused looks that say, He can do better than her!

    (Link): click here to read the rest and see photos of the overweight woman with her thin boyfriend

I’ve heard that some men have a “fat fetish” and want to date overweight women.

I find this story interesting on another level, because Christian women get hit with a message from secular culture and from churches that “men are visually oriented,” so if you want dates or a spouse, you must diet and lose weight (and look like an ageless, cellulite- and wrinkle-free air-brushed fashion model) at all times.

But occasionally, I will see stories like this about average -looking guys who don’t seem to give a rip about societal standards of female beauty.

My own views on the topic: I am square in the middle.

People are going to care about looks, and I think the fact remains, that the story above is an exception to a rule: most people don’t want to date or marry someone who has a severe weight problem.

Continue reading “Article: I’m Overweight and My Boyfriend’s Not. Big Freaking Deal”

Christian Gender Stereotypes Prevent Singles From Marrying – Re: Hunger Games

Christian Gender Stereotypes Prevent Singles From Marrying – Re Hunger Games

Many Christian singles have said online that gender stereotypes is one thing that is keeping them single, even though they want to be married. I’ve also seen this brought up in books by Christian singles that discuss singleness.

Here’s a web page that addresses one aspect of Christian gender stereotypes:

(Link Now Removed): What The Hunger Games Taught Me (and the Church Should Have) about Men

-THIS POST LIKELY TO BE DELETED IN THE FUTURE-
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Related posts, this blog:

How Christians Keep Christians Single part 2 – The Unmarried Movie

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

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Being Unequally Yoked

Being Unequally Yoked

Since I was a kid, I believed very strongly in following the Bible, and that meant following the Bible’s imperative about not being “unequally yoked” (ie, don’t get married to a Non Christian). I kept waiting, waiting, waiting for God to direct a Christian guy across my path, but it never happened. (I was engaged years ago to a guy who claimed to be a Christian, but I’m still single.)

Anyway, in light of the fact it’s unrealistic for an unmarried Christian woman to hold out for a Christian person as a spouse, and in light of the fact every other week I’m seeing news stories about Christian men who rape people, murder their wives, or fondle children, I’m not seeing an advantage in dating or marrying a Christian over a Non-Christian.

I recently found this:

(Link): Is Interfaith Marriage Always Wrong, Given that the Bible Teaches Us Not to Be ‘Unequally Yoked’?

Excerpts:

    …Genuine interfaith marriage is a challenge I don’t recommend. But as marriage has shifted in purpose over time, many Christians have added layers of meaning onto Paul’s wise command. “Unequally yoked” has evolved into a graded criterion for an optimal mate rather than a simple test for an acceptable one. This is a problem.

    Why? Spiritual maturity is not equally distributed among men and women in the peak marrying years. Quality survey data reveal only two serious, churchgoing evangelical men for every three comparable women. Thus, one out of every three evangelical women is not in a position to marry a man who’s her “spiritual equal,” let alone “head.”

    This elevated standard now translates—for women, at least—to something like this: “Find that uncommon man who is your spiritual equal or leader, not to mention kind, virtuous, industrious, employed, and, if possible, handsome, and then figure out how to make him want to marry you.” A tall order it is. As a result of the increasing “failure to launch,” evangelicals find themselves saying lots of nice things about the benefits of singleness (which certainly do exist), but seem unwilling to move their boundary stones for marriage. Except that they have moved them, away from acceptability and toward ideals. It’s not a surprising move, since marriage is far more voluntary and economically unnecessary for women (and men) today than it was as recently as 50 years ago.

    The pressure we put on marriage to be fabulously great is at an all-time high. Marriage is slowly becoming something that only an elite will attain on a natural timetable connected to their height of fertility. Thus, this is not the time to further restrict supply by adding layers of spiritual qualifications. Marriage is a good thing— a school for sinners and a source of grace—and I don’t wish for Christians to miss out on it except by their own active choice or vocational call.

Although the author does say at one point (and I disagree with him on this score):

    What I don’t recommend is a marriage to an unbelieving spouse, to one who professes an altogether different religion, or to an obstructionist who systematically places barriers in the way of your Christian development.

If you search this blog, you will find numerous copies of news stories about “Christian” men who cheated on their wives, use prostitutes, or who were arrested for murder, rape, or child molestation. It really doesn’t matter if a Christian woman marries a Non-Christian or not, as there is no difference between Christian males and Non Christian ones.

Related post(s) this blog:

(Link): Forget About Being ‘Equally Yoked’ – Article: ‘My Abusive ‘Christian’ Marriage’

(Link): Why I Now Reject “Be Equally Yoked” – and on Becoming More Agnostic

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Wife of Preacher Shoots, Kills Him, Recounts Years of Physical and Sexual Abuse – So Much for the Equally Yoked Teaching and the Notion that Christian married sex is Mind Blowing

(Link): Being Equally Yoked: Christian Columnist Dan Delzell Striving to Keep Christian Singles Single Forever

(Link): Obnoxious and Sexist Preacher Mark Driscoll Wants Christian Singles to Stay Single Indefinitely – And Even Though Unwanted, Prolonged Singleness has Been a Huge Issue For Christian Singles for A Couple Decades Now – Driscoll: ‘Christians should not marry pro choicers’
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How churches can play role in dating, marriage

How churches can play role in dating, marriage

Southern Baptists and other Christian groups can learn something from the page I’m linking to below.

Married Christians complain that Christian singles are remaining single, but they do nothing to help us singles get hitched.

We singles are not deliberately choosing to remain single – we are single because we cannot meet eligible bachelors. It’s left totally up to us to find a partner, and let me tell you, after you leave college, meeting single people in your age range becomes incredibly difficult.

Some Christian singles don’t like dating sites, have had no success with them, or can’t afford using them. So the church needs to step up to the plate and give Christian singles opportunities to meet and mingle, and Sunday School don’t cut it.

By the way, it’s incredibly stupid and counter-productive to segregate Sunday school by gender, as many Baptist churches do. To get a man and a woman married, they have to meet together in the SAME ROOM. Placing the woman in one room and the man in another will keep both single.

There are some singles who object to churches being used as meeting places for singles, but where the hell else should you expect to meet a potential mate, a bar? A night club? And again, dating sites such as “match.com” and “eHarmony” doesn’t work for some of us.

If the church wants to see more singles marry other Christians, the married ones need to start playing match-maker, introduce their single lady friends to the single guys, churches need to put on more social events for singles, etc.

This comes from a page by United Methodists.

(Link): How churches can play role in dating, marriage

Excerpts:

    Mr. Oates added that during their courtship and even now, the church has given the couple plenty of opportunities for shared activities and a shared ministry. It was “a no-brainer,” he said, that the couple would volunteer to help at the church’s vacation Bible school or serve as lay readers at worship.
    As many couples have discovered, a church potluck or Christmas pageant can make for a great date night.

    Opportunities to meet

    The United Methodist Church also offers singles a variety of ministries where they might discover their future sweethearts.

    Among those who responded to the UMNS Facebook question were people who met their spouses at United Methodist youth gatherings, campus ministries, seminaries and even annual conference sessions.

    …Emily Walter met her future husband, Jeremy, 13 years ago on the front steps of First UMC in Conway, Ark.
    They were introduced by a mutual friend who had invited Jeremy to church. Emily knew that friend through the Ozark Mission Project, a United Methodist ministry in Arkansas that connects church youth groups with short-term mission projects.

Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

Women Are Visual And Like Hot Looking Men (Part 1) Joseph in Genesis Was A Stud Muffin

Many secular and Christian males typically place too much emphasis upon female physical appearance. Both groups of males believe if they just have a stunning personality or are very wealthy, that they can obtain a movie-star good looking wife. (I use the term “males” to cover most age ranges: teen aged boys, young adults, and grown men.)

The Christian males in particular get this message indirectly by way of the fact that most sermons and Christian dating advice books and sites forever tell the females only to “look pretty,” to stay in shape, stay thin, grow their hair long (supposedly all men prefer long hair), etc. The silence to males on this topic is interesting, disturbing, and sexist: males of all ages are never told by pastors and in Christian dating advice blogs that women like handsome men with six pack abs, a full head of hair, and so on.

Men are seldom told to stay in shape, get thin, work out at a gym, etc. Christian men also get a double dose of this by being told that God designed males to be “visual” or “visually oriented.” This is used as a rationalization why they have to make no effort to stay in shape or be good-looking to nab a girlfriend.

The truth is that secular and Christian women do care about good looks in a man. Most of us ladies would prefer to date a studly, built, hot-looking guy.

Some of us ladies don’t care if you are a regular- church- attending Joe who lives in a mansion; if, however, you are a male who lacks hair, have a beer gut, or looks like nerdy Barney Fife, we’re just not going to be interested. That is the cold, hard reality.

The American Christian culture, males within it at least, feel safer if they live in this world of denial where they think they can be sloppy fat, have bad breath, have greasy hair (or no hair at all), and look dumpy, but as long as they’re a stand- up, spiritual kind of guy who volunteers at a soup kitchen once a month, they feel they will still rate, merit, or deserve a woman who looks like Angelina Jolie: and this is false.

There are even examples in the Bible where it’s noted that females notice if a guy is sexy, attractive, and good looking – and it’s not terribly relevant that the female examples are non-believers: Christian women care just as much, or almost as much.

Here’s an example from the book of Genesis chapter 39:

Now Joseph was well-built and handsome, and after a while his master’s wife took notice of Joseph and said, “Come to bed with me!” (Genesis 39: 6 – 7)

How about that! A woman who has eye sight noticed that a male was smokin’ hot. She was not turned on first and foremost by his integrity, brains, or spirituality… but his buff bod and chiseled jaw, oh yeah.

I find this terribly amusing, because one would get the idea from reading conservative evangelical, fundamentalist, or Baptist literature and blogs about true love, marriage, and dating that women don’t really give a fig about physical appearance – but we do, we really do.

Observe this video from the 2:35 to the 2:50 Mark, taken from a kid’s Bible cartoon show:


(Video: Potiphar’s Wife Thinks Joseph is Hubba Hubba)

In the video, see how Potiphar’s wife gives Joseph a going- over with her eyes, around the 2:35 mark and around 2:45 / 2:50.

Women have eyes in their heads. They notice if a male is in shape, has a full head of hair, and they notice if the guy is a tub of lard, lacks hair, is thin but has no muscular development (i.e., has the body of a five year old boy).

So, if you are an unmarried Christian male, if you want to get a girlfriend or get married, you better make very sure you look presentable.

Looks should not be the only thing a woman cares about, but plenty of women do indeed care about them, contrary to the messages you hear from your Baptist preacher on Sunday mornings, or the messages you see on Christian dating blogs.
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Related posts, this blog:

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Article: Scientists: Why penis size does matter [to women]

(Link):  Yes Women Are Visually Oriented – Hundreds of female marathon runners abandon their race to mob ‘impossibly handsome’ policeman for selfies

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): Conflicting Message to Christian Women by Christians About Physical Appearance

(Link): Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link): Superman, Man Candy -and- Christian Women Are Visual And Enjoy Looking At Built, Hot, Sexy Men

How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

How Christians Keep Christians Single part 3 – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical

Christian males are being taught to turn their noses up at perfectly good Christian single women due to complementarian gender role teachings and unrealistic ideas about female beauty. Read it here:

(Link): Feminism and Me: When I cannot cook but I am still a person by Emily Joy Allison

Excerpts:
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The first time I began to wonder if perhaps the evangelical narrative of gender roles I’d absorbed needed a little tweaking, I was 19 years old and finishing my first year of bible college, and I was in love with him. I sometimes like to think that he was in love with me too (a story for another day), but only to the extent that a heart as superficial as his could possibly be. One morning after a particularly intense cup of coffee the night before, I woke up to a novel in my inbox which basically boiled down to “I like you but you are unsuitable because you are initiatory in your relationships with men and also you cannot clean or cook.”

I began to ask questions like, So what if I can’t cook? So what if I’m expressive in my relationships with men? Does that make me less desirable as a spouse? Is this what the church is teaching people these days? Does every Christian man feel this way?

As it turned out, a lot of them did.
Continue reading “How Christians Keep Christians Single (part 3) – Restrictive Gender Roles Taught as Biblical”

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reasons Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)

I’ve discussed this before, but it’s worth mentioning in its own post:

Many Christians say they are concerned that more and more Christians are not marrying at all, or not marrying until later in life. They don’t understand why.

One of several reasons single Christians are remaining single is due to typical teaching about dating and marriage from most conservative Christian preachers, bloggers, and authors.

Because many Christians remain terrified of other Christians possibly getting involved in fornication, most of their relationship advice, even to unmarried Christians over the age of 35, comes down to: stay away from the opposite sex.

Telling females to stay away from males and vice versa, will only result in keeping Christian singles single.

Other approaches, such as “courting” and telling Christians to “date in groups” doesn’t work, either.

I can understand the group dating approach for teens or maybe blind dates, but for adults over the age of 25?

Evangelicals and Baptists guarantee prolonged or life long singleness by making the dating process convoluted and making singles paranoid of the opposite sex, or acting as though each and every meeting between the genders can and will end in sex.

If Christians want Christians to marry, and they keep saying they do, they need to stop advising Christian singles to stay away from singles of the opposite gender.

That should be obvious, but in many areas of American Christianity, it’s not.

–Some Christian Women Shy Away From Marriage Due to “Biblical Gender Complementarian” Teachings–

On another note, I’ve seen several younger Christian ladies say on other blogs that one reason they stay single is that they are afraid to get married.

They are afraid to get married because many churches teach ‘biblical gender complementarian’ garbage.

Continue reading “Christian Teachings on Relationships: One Reason Singles Are Remaining Single (even if they want to get married)”

Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

Old accusation and stereotypes tossed at unmarried people, even if and when it’s not true: “You’re Bitter!” and “You Have Baggage!” (“And that’s why you’re still single!”)

Before I get to the purpose of the post, a couple of points:

1. Wooo! I am on a roll today! This must be my fourth post in a row today. I need to go jogging pretty soon, though, so I will have to leave the computer for that. But your married Christian bloggers can’t complain, since they say my one magical key in getting a husband is jogging regularly (men don’t want ugly fatties, I’m told).

2. As for the blog post’s heading.

I think Google weighs post titles more heavily than post tags, which is why some of my post headings are insanely long or appear strange.

I normally would not put both terms, “unmarried” and “single” in a post subject heading together, but I don’t know if a person out there will be doing a search using “unmarried” or “single.” Now for the post:

— Hey, since you are unmarried, you simply MUST be BITTER and have TOO MUCH BAGGAGE! —

I really intended on making this post after doing one about how Christians approach the issue of physical appearance, especially as it pertains to dating and marriage, before making this one, but I think that one will take longer to write than this one, and I’m not in the mood to write another long post today.

I’ve seen some Christian bloggers – usually married, male ones – who, when they write a blog post about dating and marriage aimed at unmarried people, if they engage with dissenters in their comment area, will invariably throw the word “bitter” at commentators who hold opposing views.

While it certainly may be true that some unmarried people are bitter – because they want to get married but remain single – I don’t think it’s true of all unmarried people.

I will address the topic of “bitterness” farther below, but I wanted to turn attention to the “I bet you have baggage!” stereotype first.

— BAGGAGE —

I think telling unmarried people they have “baggage,” as in, “the reason you are still single past the age of 35 is that potential suitors perceive someone of that age as having too much baggage” is an idea (and insult, really) that is over-used on blogs, in books, and in TV segments on Christian programs about dating and relationships. I have seen this term used on Christian sites and secular ones about dating and relationships on a somewhat recurring basis.

Continue reading “Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say”

Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men

This was a page on Buzzfeed; it contains adult language.

I too get tired of seeing bitter guys on blogs complain about how they’re so nice but women don’t want them – they say women (ALL women) only want mean, rude, jerks (which isn’t true of course).

I did not write the following material, it was all written by other people, but I am in agreement with most of it.
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From Buzzfeed:
The Not-So-Nice “Nice Guys” Of Online Dating
buzzfeed.com/annals/the-not-so-nice-nice-guys-of-online-dating

Author: Ouiser Boudreaux

BuzzFeed Contributor

Nice Guys are an internet standard. To hear them tell it, they are very mistreated! They show up on blogs to complain about how women don’t appreciate Nice Guys like themselves, because even though the Nice Guy is so very nice, women are too self-involved to see the Real Him. The Nice Guy believes he is held back by his intense Niceness.

The truth is, Nice Guys aren’t actually nice guys. They’re entitled jerks who think that if they’re nice to you, you’re obligated to spread. And if you don’t, you’re fodder for the Nice Guy’s extensive complaint box.
Continue reading “Nice Guys – the bitter single men who complain women don’t like nice men”

Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault

Please click the “more” link farther below to read the entire post.

I disagree with some of the positions of the “marriage mandate” crowd, including those of Debbie Maken, who wrote a book about the issue.

I intend on posting more content about the ‘marriage mandate’ perspective in the future but thought I’d start with excerpts from a good review of Maken’s book and view.

(Link): 30 and Single? It’s Your Own Fault [ by Camerin Courtney]

There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that’s just sinful.

From Ms. Courtney’s article:

By that October, they were engaged.

Following the path afforded by her ethnicity (she’s Indian), she [Debbie Maken] signed up with an Indian Christian Web agency to find a suitable suitor and, aided by her parents’ watchful care, started e-mailing a man in July 2001.

Now happily married and the mother of two young girls, Maken drew a map—in the form of her book, Getting Serious About Getting Married—to the Land of Marital Bliss. She hopes to prevent her daughters and countless single women across the country from having to experience any more “unnecessary protracted singleness.”

….In later chapters, she addresses the well-meaning advice handed to singles in Christian circles—such as “just wait on the Lord to bring a mate to you” or “Jesus is all you need”—and deftly explains some of the erroneous thinking and theology surrounding each.

At her best, in passages such as these, Maken gives platitude-battered single women needed permission to admit, “I’d like to get married, and that’s okay.”

Unfortunately, these bits of trend-spotting and balanced synthesis are drowning in a sea of shame and blame.

Maken seems to think a vast majority of singles view their solo status as a special gift from God (a stance I’ve seen in only a fraction of the thousands of e-mails I’ve received as a columnist for ChristianSinglesToday.com, a CT sister publication), a notion the very subtitle of the book urges them to reconsider.

Continue reading “Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault”