What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

The following article (book review) from Christianity Today covers several topics about singleness and the church I’ve been pointing out on this blog for literally years now.

One big point it brings up that I have: there are more single Christian women in the church than there are single Christian men. This means if a Christian single female insists upon following the “equally yoked” rule (that states a Christian may only marry another Christian), she will remain single.

If you are a single Christian woman who desires marriage, it is imperative you ditch the ‘equally yoked’ rule. You must learn to judge men based on their character, not what their stated religious beliefs are.

(Link): What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway

Excerpts:

New survey research sheds light on how believers navigate the stickier matters of dating and marriage.

July 10, 2019

Over the years, Christians have produced and read far more books on how relationships and singleness should work than on how these things actuallydo pan out. Vicky Walker’s new book Relatable: Exploring God, Love, & Connection in the Age of Choice, based on a survey of more than 1,400 people, aims to change that.

Walker writes from a more-or-less Protestant British perspective, but American Christians will find much they recognize.

Over the course of 12 chapters and several appendices, Relatable covers everything from the history of marriage to typical teachings on gender roles to, of course, sex. But she also gets into stickier matters like the role of technology and the church’s significant sex-ratio gap—the latter a topic that raises questions of dating outside the faith.

Continue reading “What Christians Really Think About the Church’s Relationship Advice by Anna Broadway”

Inside Secret World of Incels Who Turn To Murder Because They’ve Never Had Sex by J. Lavender

Inside Secret World of Incels Who Turn To Murder Because They’ve Never Had Sex by J. Lavender

Ah, male entitlement. I’m a celibate, hetero woman who had hoped to marry (and hence be having sex with a husband), I’m still single and celibate over age of 45, but I don’t run around killing men because of it.

I do not believe men owe me sex or marriage. Too bad our culture largely sends a message to boys and men in movies, magazine ads, and so on, that they are all deserving and owed marriage, sex, or dates.

Rejection is a part of life, whether we’re talking about not getting what we want romance-wise (no marriage, no dates, no sex, etc), or in other areas. You can go out on a lot of job interviews and be rejected by employer after employer.

Notice that in some of these cases, men are also harmed by incels: incels don’t always just target women, they also kill men in their rampages.

(Link): Inside secret world of Incels who turn to murder because they’ve never had sex

July 2019

WARNING: DISTRESSING CONTENT Elliot Rodger butchered six people because he was a virgin and had been constantly rejected by women

When Elliot Rodger slaughtered six university students he had never met, the world united in grief.

But when it emerged that the 22-year-old had carried out the senseless murdersof innocent victims because he was virgin who had been rejected by women, grief turned to horror.

Rodger’s horrific actions exposed a chilling online underworld of the Incels, meaning involuntarily celibate.

Continue reading “Inside Secret World of Incels Who Turn To Murder Because They’ve Never Had Sex by J. Lavender”

World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex” by H. Holloway

World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex” by H. Holloway

(Link): World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex”

May 6, 2019

THE MADAM of the world’s biggest brothel has revealed the establishment is seeing more adult virgins than ever before – and some of them are not interested in sex.

Dena, from famous Nevada legal brothel Sheri’s Ranch, revealed the Daily Star Online they having a boom of “late bloomers”.

Sheri’s Ranch is believed to be the largest establishment of its kind in the world.

The brothel styles itself as luxurious rest with a bar, spa, pool and a full range of services on the “sex menu”.

And ranch mama Dena revealed some of their clients are not interested in just sex.

Continue reading “World’s Biggest Brothel Swamped With Millennial Adult Virgins “Not Interested in Sex” by H. Holloway”

What I Learned From Being Accidentally Celibate For 5 Years by C. Brooks

(Link): What I Learned From Being Accidentally Celibate For 5 Years by C. Brooks

Five years of celibacy isn’t something I planned.

It’s something that happened when I began to focus on myself and stopped looking for a Netflix-and-chill buddy.

It happened gradually and I only thought about it every so often ― when couples held on to each other scurrying across a windy parking lot, or when love scenes got a little too vivid during a Friday night movie.

Mostly, though, sex just never occurred to me as something I was missing in my life.

Continue reading “What I Learned From Being Accidentally Celibate For 5 Years by C. Brooks”

Video Games, not Chastity, to Blame for Young Men Not Having Sex, Sociologist Says

(Link): Video Games, not Chastity, to Blame for Young Men Not Having Sex, Sociologist Says by Michael Foust

Excerpts:

April 9, 2019

A leading sociologist says video games – and not a sudden interest in chastity – may be to blame for a dramatic increase in the percentage of young men not having sex.

Continue reading “Video Games, not Chastity, to Blame for Young Men Not Having Sex, Sociologist Says”

Percent of Americans Not Having Sex Reaches Record High: Report (2019)

Percent of Americans Not Having Sex Reaches Record High: Report (2019)

(Link): Percent of Americans Not Having Sex Reaches Record High: Report

by Brooke Seipel
March 29, 2019

The number of U.S. adults not having sex has reached a record high, according to a (Link): Washington Post analysis of data from the General Social Survey.

Twenty-three percent of respondents, or nearly 1 in 4, reported having no sex in the past year, according to the Post. More than 30 percent of adults reported having monthly sex and nearly 40 percent reported having sex weekly or more.

Young men between 18 and 30 years of age saw one of the biggest declines in sexual activity, with 28 percent saying they had no sex over the last year. The same data from 1989 shows just 14 percent of men of the same age range reporting no sex.

Young women in the same age range, however, report higher rates of sexual activity, with only 18 percent saying they had no sex in the past year.

Continue reading “Percent of Americans Not Having Sex Reaches Record High: Report (2019)”

Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin

Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin

The author’s attitude towards celibacy is a bit negative, which I do not like. This guy seems to worship the Nuclear Family, something a lot of secular and Christian conservatives are guilty of.

It’s not just technology that possibly leads to celibacy – Christian teachings in the United States is also, or can be, a celibacy factory., and that was true long before the rise of social media.

He thinks less sex is “grim.” Oh please.

Marriage isn’t a guarantee of sex, either. I have many examples on my blog of (Link): sexless marriages.

(Link): Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession

We may live amidst what seems a libidinous culture, but oddly also an increasingly sexless time.

Of course, the drop in early teen sex – and even more so, teen pregnancies – represents positive developments, but when lack of social interaction leads to celibacy in the twenties, thirties and beyond, the implications are less than wholesome.

The Atlantic recently described a “sex recession” in the United States and most western countries, with fewer people dating and even those in relationships getting intimate less often than in the past, while fewer enjoy regular bonds of any kind.

Continue reading “Technological Progress and the Global Sex Recession by J. Kotkin”

Nadia Bolz-Weber’s Gospel of Shame-Free Sexuality by W. Hill

Nadia Bolz-Weber’s Gospel of Shame-Free Sexuality by W. Hill

I recognize there are flaws with Christian “Purity Culture,” but the response to those flaws (usually by liberal Christians) is just as bad.

The liberal Christians, or others who are opposed to Christian sexual purity teachings, want to reject about any and all sexual boundaries, in the process of rebelling against Christian purity teaching.

However, not all of Christian purity teaching is bad – something the anti-Purity Culture advocates don’t want to admit or discuss.

As I’ve pointed out in older posts, the anti-Purity Culture movement ends up alienating and marginalizing any adults who do choose to remain celibate or virgins until marriage.

We’re living in an age and culture where a lot of us are demanded to respect any and all sexual behaviors, except for virginity and celibacy; those are mocked, as are those who practice them. The tolerance goes only one-way with many Anti-Purity Culture adherents.

(Link): Nadia Bolz-Weber’s Gospel of Shame-Free Sexuality 

By W. Hill, Feb 2019

Excerpts:

We can’t defeat shame by whittling down God’s law to fit our behavior. We need the good news of God’s forgiveness instead

….Doing Away with Absolution

Unfortunately, the pastor who talked up the liberation that comes from admitting you’re in the wrong now seems more interested in helping people understand why they don’t need to.

In her new book, Shameless: A Sexual Reformation, Bolz-Weber is out to set Christians free from the angst and humiliation churches have often foisted on them because of their sexual proclivities and behaviors.

But the way the book goes about doing so is by rejecting wholesale the idea of “sexual purity” and, with it, the need to confess sexual transgression.

Continue reading “Nadia Bolz-Weber’s Gospel of Shame-Free Sexuality by W. Hill”

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown

Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown

(Link): Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong

Pro tip: Don’t take advice from people who brag about their ‘smoking hot wives.’

Excerpts:

… Through [Christian-based] abstinence talks and dating talks and relationship talks, my understanding of marriage has become strewn with oft-repeated lines like “I don’t deserve my smoking hot wife” and “sex is awesome and feels great but you need to wait. I did.”

Well-meaning as they were, speakers used these lines to preach the Gospel, but the main thing I took away was a shallow understanding of sex and marriage. I found myself believing in two lies: “marriage and sex are completely different” and “sex is about me.”

Marriage and Sex Are Completely Different

Most talks and sermons on physical intimacy and marriage are compartmentalized. It is about sex… and then marriage, or it is about marriage… and then sex.

Continue reading “Everything My Church Taught Me About Sex and Marriage Is Wrong by D. Brown”

What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC

What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC

(Link): What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC

Excerpts:

Having sex too soon is the biggest regret of young people losing their virginity, a survey of British sexual behaviour suggests.

More than a third of women and a quarter of men in their teens and early 20s admitted it had not been “the right time” when they first had sex.

People must be 16 or over to legally consent to sex.

The latest National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles poll says many people may not be ready at that age.

Continue reading “What Is The Right Age To Lose Your Virginity? – via BBC”

Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses by E. Biggi

Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses by E. Biggi

(Link): Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses

Excerpts:

The privileged position of the Vestal Virgins in Roman society survived for more than a thousand years—but the cult did not survive Christianity

Chosen as young girls, the priestesses of Vesta, goddess of the hearth, swore a 30-year vow of chastity and in turn were granted rights, privileges, and power unavailable to other women in Rome.

…One of the most remarkable elements of this story is the fact that Licinia owned a villa in the first place. Unlike other women, Licinia could own property precisely because she was a Vestal Virgin.

Continue reading “Rome’s Vestal Virgins: Rome’s Most Powerful Priestesses by E. Biggi”

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – by K. Jullian

Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession –  by K. Jullian – via The Atlantic

(Link): Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – via The Atlantic

These should be boom times for sex.

The share of Americans who say sex between unmarried adults is “not wrong at all” is at an all-time high. New cases of HIV are at an all-time low. Most women can—at last—get birth control for free, and the morning-after pill without a prescription.

If hookups are your thing, Grindr and Tinder offer the prospect of casual sex within the hour. The phrase If something exists, there is porn of it used to be a clever internet meme; now it’s a truism.

BDSM plays at the local multiplex—but why bother going? Sex is portrayed, often graphically and sometimes gorgeously, on prime-time cable. Sexting is, statistically speaking, normal.

…But despite all this, American teenagers and young adults are having less sex.

To the relief of many parents, educators, and clergy members who care about the health and well-being of young people, (Link):teens are launching their sex lives later 

…Over the past few years, Jean M. Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University, has published research exploring how and why Americans’ sex lives may be ebbing.

Continue reading “Why Are Young People Having So Little Sex? America is in a Sex Recession – by K. Jullian”

There Were Times When Tina Turner Went Without Sex For A Year

There Were Times When Turner Went Without Sex For A Year

(Link):  There Were Times When Turner Went Without Sex For A Year

Excerpts:

Oct 2018
By Jessica Sager

There were times when Tina Turner went without sex for a year at time, partly because she was terrified of how her partners might react to her wigs in bed.

“I was never one of those women who had to have sex no matter what,” Turner, 78, wrote in her upcoming memoir “My Love Story,” (Link): excerpted by People. “There have been times when I’ve gone up to a year without it, to be honest.”

Continue reading “There Were Times When Tina Turner Went Without Sex For A Year”

What It’s Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin by B. Wong

(Link): What It’s Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin

Excerpts:

October 2018

by B. Wong
“You can go without sex. That’s much less of a problem than going through life alone, and without affection.”

It’s Not You, It’s Me is a series that looks at dating in America from the perspective of different ethnicities, sexual identities, life experiences and circumstances.

Forget butt play or the pull-out method: The latest trend in sex might be forgoing it altogether.

According to a recent study out of University College London, millennials are waiting longer to have sex than members of previous generations, with 12.5 percent of them abstaining until age 26.

But some wait even longer than that. We recently talked to three people who have remained virgins well into their 30s — one by choice, the other two by happenstance. Below, they tell us more about how they’ve remained abstinent this long and what it’s like to date when you’ve never had sex.

Responses have been edited for clarity and style, with last names withheld for privacy.

People remain virgins for so many different reasons. For you, was it an intentional choice to abstain from sex?

Brianna, a 35-year-old programmer from Indianapolis, Indiana:

My reasons are a bit of a mixed bag.

I was raised very conservatively and was told that sex before marriage was a sin, so that kept me a virgin for a while. Then, when I outgrew that thinking, it was a matter of waiting to find someone I felt comfortable enough with to consider that next step.

It just hasn’t happened. I date and have had a couple of relationships get as far as three months or so, but no one long term. So, I’m still a virgin.

Matt, a tech industry worker in his mid-30s who lives in Lansing, Michigan:

I grew up with fairly severe social anxiety, which I’ve never completely overcome. I had some early rejections in late high school and early college that completely ruined what self-esteem I had.

Continue reading “What It’s Like To Date As A 30-Something Virgin by B. Wong”

Female Cockroaches Form Squads to Block Male Mating Attempts

Female Cockroaches Form Squads to Block Male Mating Attempts

(Link): Female cockroaches form squads to block male mating attempts

By Hannah Sparks

Ladies have to look out for each other. Even roaches know that.

A new study of Pacific beetle cockroaches in the journal Ethology revealed some surprising feminist tendencies among the insects: In mixed-sex groups, females cluster together to stave off unwanted mating advances from males.

Continue reading “Female Cockroaches Form Squads to Block Male Mating Attempts”

‘We’re In Love But We Never Have Sex’

(Link): ‘We’re in love but never have sex’

By Claire Williams

Some 18% of respondents under the age of 30 have had sex fewer than 10 times in the past year, a survey of 2,000 people on websites Mumsnet and Gransnet has found. Among all ages, the figure was 29%. We meet three couples who, while madly in love, fall into this category.

“Our lack of sex life at the moment is down to me,” Amanda, 35, tells the BBC’s Victoria Derbyshire programme.

“I’m so tired all the time because my job is full on and it’s full on at home. It’s like my libido is tired.”

Continue reading “‘We’re In Love But We Never Have Sex’”

They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together

They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together

(Link): They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together

by Jamie Rogers

September 2018

Journey to Purity creates a community for minority women abstaining from sex

Shunning premarital sex may seem old-fashioned to some, but Erica Willams says nowadays celibacy is somewhat of a movement, especially among some minority women.

Williams, 30, is the founder of Journey to Purity, a nonprofit in Virginia that aims to promote celibacy in women through education and community building efforts.

The Journey to Purity Meetup group has 102 members, and is limited to women. Williams says the majority of the women are black or Latina.
For these women, celibacy is a conscience and often faith-driven choice.

Continue reading “They Are Single And Celibate. This Facebook Group Brings Them Together”

‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

Yeah, see, both secular and (Link): Christian culture mocks, de-values, and shames virginity, celibacy, as well as virgin and celibate people.

So, when I see some Christians or (Link): secular feminists rattling on and on about how society supposedly “slut shames” all women for their sexual behavior, I’m not so sure.

Society has even become a tad more tolerant towards asexual adults.

But God help you if you’re an adult who has voluntarily chosen to sexually abstain for whatever the reason, then both secular and Christian culture will mock you, question you, suspect there’s something weird or freaky or repressed about you.

And, people who do sexually abstain are expected to tolerate and accept any and all sexual behavior by others – we’re supposed to be non-judgmental about people who have a lot of casual sex, or who engage in homosexual behavior, or what have you. But no such tolerance is shown to adult virgins or celibates.

This guy should not be shamed for being a virgin.

He should not have to “defend” himself over this.

All you people out there who may be mocking or insulting this guy for his sexuality status can go get bent.

(Link): ‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself

Colton Underwood, a 26-year-old retired NFL player and ex-boyfriend of Olympian Aly Raisman, has been in the spotlight on the most recent season of the Bachelorette for being the one out-and-proud virgin on the show, and has gotten quite a bit of flack for it.

During Monday night’s “Men tell All” episode, some of the other guys had some particularly nasty comments regarding Underwood’s virginity.

Continue reading “‘Bachelorette’ Star Shamed For His Virginity Defends Himself”

The Good News About Our Longings: Sexuality and Spirituality by R. Villados

I suppose in some ways this is an okay article.

The guy who wrote it is kind of doing a take on some book or article he read about how Christians should approach sexuality, which is all well and good, but the article basically concludes by saying the solution for the chaste is to view Christianity as a “banquet.”

I know you’re randy and want to have actual sex with an actual person, but just think about how great Jesus is and that will take care of it, seems to be the conclusion.

I’ve seen this approach before to this issue by other Christians, but it does not satisfy me. It spiritualizes away a primal, very real and physical desire.

Telling me to imagine pretty sun sets if I have a craving for a piece of lasagna is not going to help me want the lasagna less.

(Link): The Good News About Our Longings: Sexuality and Spirituality by R. Villados

Excerpts

…At the core of this interplay between sexuality and spirituality is desire and longing.

What we do with our sexual desires and longings says a lot about what we believe about God. Which is why we need to clearly define terms.

…Defining spirituality and sexuality can seem like a daunting task because there’s lots of confusion with these words, so in offering a simple way forward, I have found Deb Hirsch’s definitions (found in her book, Redeeming Sex) instructive.

Continue reading “The Good News About Our Longings: Sexuality and Spirituality by R. Villados”

The Unfortunate Anti-Virginity Fall-Out from Christian Misogynist Lori Alexander’s Wacky “Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos” Post – The Problem is Not Supporting Virginity, It’s Complementarianism

The Unfortunate Anti-Virginity Fall-Out from Christian Misogynist Lori Alexander’s  Wacky “Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos” Post – The Problem is Not Supporting Virginity, It’s Complementarianism

Updated:

Lori Alexander has posted this (unhelpful) clarification of her post (about “Debt Free Virgins with Tattoos”) on an ultra-conservative political forum:

(Link): Godly Men Prefer Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos – by Lori Alexander, on Free Republic

Her new aspect is to add the word “Godly” prior to the word “Men,” as if that makes it less obnoxious or wrong, but it does not.

I used to lurk at the Free Republic site, back in my more conservative days, but I’m not surprised to see most of the posters under Alexander’s post on that site actually agreeing with it.

Of course they do.

I’m still a conservative, but I’m no longer off the reservation about it, as the Freepers are on some things, like on this topic.


The Unfortunate Anti- Virginity Fall Out Due to Lori Alexander’s “Debt Free Virgin” Post

If you’d like more background to this post, and an explanation for who Lori Alexander is, please see my previous post about it here:

(Link): Reflections On Lori Alexander’s Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos

If you are new to my blog, a recap:

I am over 45 years of age and still a virgin.

I was reserving sexual activity for marriage. I’ve never had sexual intercourse. I was expecting to be married but never found Mr. Right.

I do have a libido.

Contrary to what Christians ASSUME about older virgins, Celibacy, being sexually abstinent for as long as I’ve been, is not “a gift” where God granted it to me and supernaturally removed my libido and makes it easy-breezy to cope with.

For many years, I was dedicated to remaining a virgin until marriage, due to Christian ethics, (these days I’m semi-agnostic), but also due to other reasons as well, which I shall not get into here but have explained in older posts on the blog.

In the last ten or so years, I’ve seen a disturbing trend where secular, liberal feminist views about sex have trickled into liberal Christian corners, where there is much railing against “slut shaming” and there is strong opposition to judging any woman for her sexual behavior or choices.

This trend became so common that these same views, disturbingly, began appearing on liberal Christian blogs and sites, whose progressive, feminist, Christian authors began writing editorials saying virginity is of no import, God only cares about your heart and spiritual purity, and God does not care so much anyone’s sexual behavior, (Link): intact hymen, or sexual past.

This anti- sexual purity thinking (which includes the down-playing, condemning, or mocking of physical virginity and adult celibacy) has even crept into mainstream moderate- to- conservative churches and Christian writing and thinking, unfortunately.

Continue reading “The Unfortunate Anti-Virginity Fall-Out from Christian Misogynist Lori Alexander’s Wacky “Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos” Post – The Problem is Not Supporting Virginity, It’s Complementarianism”