Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay

Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay

This was first brought to my attention by zolemica2 on Twitter. I appreciate her passing this along.

This was certainly a page I related to.  The author definitely captures some of the hypocrisy that married people engage in.

(Link): Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay

Excerpts:

…If you’re single, and you complain about being single, you’ll normally get some advice about learning to accept yourself before being able to be with a partner. The current model is work on yourself, “improve” yourself, when you’re alone then when you are sufficiently “un-broken” you will be able to attract a mate.

To admit that you’re unsatisfied being single is almost like an admission that you’re not ready to be in a relationship; if you’re not “complete” when you’re alone, you’re not worthy of a partner.

…[The author took all that advice and took on self-improvement.] But, I don’t think it made me any more datable.

Continue reading “Being Single is Hard by E. Lindsay”

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Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband

A couple of days ago, I saw this episode of The 700 Club.

A celibate Christian woman wrote Pat Robertson this question –

And her question is one all Christians avoid: they just scream at a 20 year old today to MARRY NOW NOW NOW!

They have no advice and no encouragement to give any adult over 35 who wants to be married but still finds him or herself single.

The usual Christian response is just to shame this lady for supposedly not having done enough to marry when younger, in spite of not knowing her background, or what she did to try to marry – Christians just arrogantly ASSUME if you are not married past a certain age, it is all your fault, and there were no mitigating circumstances.

So here’s her question to Pat, host of The 700 Club:

  • Dear Pat,
  • The Bible says that it’s better to marry than to burn with lust, but what about someone like me who can’t find someone to marry?

Continue reading “Celibate Christian Woman Asks Christian Host Why God Will Not Send Her a Husband”

Complementarian Churches and the Single Adult Woman by J. Dyer

Complementarian Churches and the Single Adult Woman by J. Dyer

This is a page by a woman in her mid 30s who thought she would have been married by now but still finds herself single. She describes how the gender complementarian churches she has attended don’t minister to adult single women properly.

She also notes in this page how following all the usual Christian dating advice has not worked – she’s tried it all and is still single; this is a phenomenon I’ve blogged about before.

(Link): Complementarian Churches and the Single Adult Woman by J. Dyer

Excerpts:

  • …But it [meeting a spouse at church] didn’t [happen]. Well-meaning friends told me all manner of things about how God must be teaching me something (it appears I’m a slow learner). Or–my favorite–if I could just delight in the Lord, when I least expected it, God would bring “the man” into my life.
  • Churches often try to tell women how to be women without considering the whole range of God-inspired possibilities. There will always be outliers to the model they create.

Continue reading “Complementarian Churches and the Single Adult Woman by J. Dyer”

Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss

One thing the author of this page brings up is something I have as well: women are just as visually oriented as men are and do care about what men look like. However, women are conditioned by secular society and religious groups to think they should not care about a man’s physical attractiveness.

Women are conditioned to look past a man’s ugliness to consider his other traits – is he smart, financially stable, and so on.

Now, I do think some people are in fact way too judgmental or picky regarding physical appearance in dating or whom to marry.

But, on the other hand, there is absolutely nothing wrong in wanting to date or marry someone you consider attractive. I don’t think people of either gender should be super picky about looks, but it’s okay to have some preferences or standards.

The woman who wrote this says she caught some guy she knew lying in his dating site profile – he was 35 years old but claimed on his dating profile he is 25 or 30 years old. She asked him why he lied about his age.

He claims it’s because he wants to start a family and a woman in her 20s is guaranteed to be fertile.

First of all, women in their 40s (and 30s) still menstruate and get pregnant, so you don’t need to marry a 20 something to have babies. Some women in their 20s are childfree or infertile.

Secondly, as I noted before, I advised single women who read this blog to lie on their dating site profiles about their ages, to make themselves younger than they are.

As so many men are this very shallow and particular about age in a woman (many of them have a cut off age of 29, while for others, it’s about 35), go ahead and cite yourself as being 20 or 30 something on your profile if you are over 40 and want dates.

The worst thing that will happen once the guy gets to know you after he meets you via a dating site is that he will decide to stop dating you. Big whoop.

I have seen or read about a lot of men ages 45 and older who lie about their ages on dating sites. I’ve had guys who are obviously 65 or older (they have all white hair) who contact me on dating sites, who claim to be 41 or 42 years old. Men lie out the ass about their ages (and their height, according to other women) all the time on these sites.

(Link):  Liberated Shmiberated!: Women are Still Being Told to Lower Their Standards (& it’s messed up!) by S. H. Weiss

Excerpts:

  • February 2016
  • …It is Traister’s message that I would like to share with the women I have spoken with lately, women who feel they need to defend themselves to others about why they are not married, why they are not “just settling down already” and why they are “being too picky.”
  • The women I speak of range from early 30s to early 40s. Some of them have never been married, while others were married briefly. A third of them are divorced and have children. The one thing these friends have in common is that they all say that are not “single by choice.” They express the desire to find their perfect life partner.
  • ..However, there are Yentas everywhere, some well-intentioned and others questionably motivated. This is especially true for those who are part of a tight-knit or religious community (ranging from the Mormons to the Modern Orthodox Jewish).

Continue reading “Women Are Still Being Told To Lower Their Standards / Stupid Sh*t People Say to Singles by S. H. Weiss”

Eight Pieces of Christian Dating Advice that is Keeping Me Single. by Nina Borum – from Stuff Christians Like.net

Eight Pieces of Christian Dating Advice that is Keeping Me Single. – from Stuff Christians Like.net

(Link):  Eight 8 pieces of Christian dating advice that is keeping me single. by Nina Borum

Excerpts:

  • ….but I have taken all the advice below and find that I am still single.
  • 4. God’s timing is perfect.
  • Is it? According to abcnews.com women lose 90% of their eggs by age 30.
    Chop Chop Jesus. Chop Chop.

Continue reading “Eight Pieces of Christian Dating Advice that is Keeping Me Single. by Nina Borum – from Stuff Christians Like.net”

Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson

Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson

There is also a link below to “Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends”

(Link): Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing

Excerpts:

  • by Ryan Duncan
  • Life as a single adult (Link): can be difficult. Life as a single Christian, on the other hand, can be just plain exasperating. While never short on community, single Christians often find themselves bombarded with well-meaning, but unhelpful advice from their married peers.
  • In response, (Link): Krysti Wilkinson of Relevant Magazine decided it was time to compile a list of things you should never say to your single friends. Coupled with a few of my own favorite gems, here are five things your single friends are tired of hearing.
  • “Wow, You Must Have So Much Free Time!”
  • “This is usually an attempt to point out the silver lining. But this sometimes implies that your single friend’s schedule, and life, must be empty (and void of anything meaningful) when there isn’t a significant other in it. True, those of us who are single have just one person’s schedule to keep track of instead of two, but there are so many other important parts of our days that have nothing to do with our love lives.”

Continue reading “Five Unhelpful Things Singles Are Tired Of Hearing by R. Duncan / Eight Things You Should Never Say To Your Single Friends by K. Wilkinson”

What Not to Say to Single Women in the Church by L. Anderson

What Not to Say to Single Women in the Church by L. Anderson

There were maybe one or two points I don’t see eye to eye on in this, but I agree far more than I disagree with this page.

I really like pages like this page. The author so gets it. But then, it was composed by a 38 year old never married woman. Never married adults past 35 GET IT.

(Link): What Not to Say to Single Women in the Church by L. Anderson

Excerpts:

  • by L Anderson
  • 1. “Stop Thinking About Marriage, and When You Least Expect It, It’ll Happen.”

Continue reading “What Not to Say to Single Women in the Church by L. Anderson”

Lame Advice from Christian Publication “Relevant” on What To Do When You Are Single

Lame Advice from Christian Publication “Relevant” on What To Do When You Are Single

First of all, the sub heading of this article from Relevant is something like, “A bucket list of things to do before you marry.” Who says everyone is going to get married? I’m in my early 40s, heading into my mid 40s, and I may never marry.

Christians: stop assuming everyone will marry, even the Christian women who desire marriage and pray for a husband daily – some Christians go to the grave never having married because God never sent them a spouse.

Shut up with the “Things to do until you are married,” or “tips on how to live life while you are single,” type editorials, since they have the underlying assumption that everyone will get married, or married by age 30. Some people never, ever marry, even including the women who seek marriage, go on dating sites, and pray for a spouse.

Here is an excerpt from that page on Relevant:

    4. Get Involved With Church

    Along with the time with friends, connecting at church is much easier to commit to when you’re single. I’m currently helping out with my church’s children’s ministry and love that I can dedicate as much time to it as I do. I’m usually free for the extracurricular events outside of Sunday mornings, too, so I try to help out with those as often as possible.

    It can be easy to feel down about how open your schedule may seem without weekly romantic dates to go on, but it’s so fulfilling to use this season of life to invest in others.

Gee, fellow adult single (who must only be about, what, 22 years old, see me again when you’re 40 years old), thanks for upholding a stereotype that all singles have loads of free time – we don’t.

If anything, we adult singles have less free time than the marrieds do because we don’t have a partner to split up chores with.

As to this writer’s suggestion to go work in the church’s kid ministry?

I do not like being around babies, kids, and teens, but churches won’t let me, a single childless woman, to serve in any other area.

Church members often incorrectly assume that ALL women are CRAZY FOR and WILD ABOUT and CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF babies and children.

Churches almost always “shoe horn” single, childless ladies into baby ministry. I am a single, childless woman, and I emphatically do not want to work around or for babies, toddlers, kids or teens, or college aged kids.

One clear proof that marriage and motherhood are NOT God’s “only” or “best” role for women is the fact that some women totally lack an interest in either or both!

I have never been “kid crazy.” I never really cared strongly if I had a kid or not (if I did, it would have to be after marriage and by age 35.)

I just do not care about kids, in that, I see baby photos, and 99% of the time, I don’t feel anything about the kid or the photo of the kid.

Most women will look at a baby photo and the maternal side kicks in: ‘Awww, what a cutie!’

-Me? Nope. Nothing. There are some child free women who are even less interested in children and babies than I am.

If it were true that God’s “best” role for women was to be mothers, I would guess that he would have clearly instilled a huge maternal instinct and longing into every woman ever born, but that’s not the case.

Go hang out on forums, Twitter accounts, and blogs for Child Free women, and you will see many women (and men too) who are just not the least interested in children, and some down right loathe and despise babies and kids.

I tagged this post with the word “infertile” because a lot of these same churches that assume all women are wild for babies forget that some women desperately longed to have a baby of their own, but are infertile, continually had miscarriages, married a guy who didn’t want kids, or did not marry until much later in life and their fertile years had passed. Even these women get brow beat into serving in the kid’s section at church, which has to feel like a knife to the gut to them.

Reader reaction to the lame Christian advice for singles, from the Facebook group SCCL:

Link: Source

Samples:

Re: Relevant Magazine, “9 Things to Do While You’re Still Single, A Bucket List For Before You Tie The Knot”

Comment by…

Cori Slepp
as a single 24 year old woman, i honestly found this article/list super lame. or maybe i’m just already “good enough” at being single. but either way, i try to be open minded when reading this kind of stuff but nope. this was useless

Mike George
Get involved with the church because you are single. Single people tend to have more time ??? Boo, this is one is one of the reasons I left the church

Amber McCullough
Sounds good in theory, till you get there and all the married people treat you like you have the plague. At least the single women. Any other single women visit a church and as soon as you spoke to a man, his wife would appear at his elbow and white-knuckle his biceps?
[see meme at bottom of this post]

Continue reading “Lame Advice from Christian Publication “Relevant” on What To Do When You Are Single”

Four myths about sex and women that prop up the new misogyny

Four myths about sex and women that prop up the new misogyny

Some of the the myths the author describes in this are some of the same ones spread by conservative Christians.

(Link): Four myths about sex and women that prop up the new misogyny

    Sorry, would-be pickup artists. There is no such thing as a “friend zone”

    by AMANDA MARCOTTE, ALTERNET

    This article originally appeared on AlterNet.

    Trading in myths and misinformation is the bread and butter of any reactionary movement, as is amply demonstrated by the various myths that prop up everything from gun nuttery to the anti-choice movement.

    Unsurprisingly, then, there’s a great deal of misinformation upholding the troubling trend of new misogyny that festers in everything from “men’s rights” forums to “pick-up artist” communities to the various rape apologists and two-bit woman haters that litter the right wing media landscape

    [Note from this blogger: the left wing also has woman-haters among them. Some of them have done things like made “rape jokes” against conservative, right wing, female politicians, such as Sarah Palin. Funny how liberal writers usually fail to acknowledge the sexism inherent in the LEFT WING].

    The tragic shooting in Isla Vista, which was committed by a young but hardened misogynist named Elliot Rodger, has shown a spotlight on this weird but influential world where ugly myths about gender and sexuality flourish.

    Here are some of those myths, some of which influenced Rodger, and why they are so very, very wrong.

    1. Evoutionary psychology nonsense.
    While the more mainstream conservative movement embraces a religious form of misogyny, the new misogyny often prefers to pretend to have a “scientific” rationale for its negative attitudes towards women.

    Anti-feminist writer James Taranto, who is not a scientist, distilled this theory in the Wall Street Journal, positing that evolution made men and women’s sexual desires complete opposites, with men trying to get away with sex with as many women as possible and women being “hypergamous,” which is the new pseudo-scientific word for “gold digger.”

    His sole evidence for this theory was a long-discredited 1989 study that showed that men were more quick to say yes to sex with a stranger.

    None of them have stopped pushing the belief that women are disinterested in sex itself, (Link): but only use it as a commodity to trade with “high status” men, since pushing this belief allows self-appointed “pick-up artists” to sell dating books and classes to men who want to learn to fake being “high status” to get more sex.

    Nor do they stop pushing the idea that men are more promiscuous than women, a self-serving myth that allows them to demand chastity in female partners while excusing their own sexual dalliance.

    In reality, men and women have roughly the same number of sexual partners over a lifetime.

    Both sexes are interested in casual sex, but men more readily agree because they both feel less likely to be violently assaulted by a stranger and are more likely to expect the encounter to end in orgasm. Nor are women programmed to be gold diggers.

    As women’s ability to make their own money has increased, there has been a decline in women seeking richer husbands. Women aren’t preprogrammed to be gold diggers, because the second they’re freed from having to chase rich men, most are happy to date men more like themselves.

    Continue reading “Four myths about sex and women that prop up the new misogyny”

Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)

Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles (links)
——————————————
The book Otherhood: Modern Women Finding A New Kind of Happiness by Melanie Notkin is available for sale on Barnes and Noble, and other sites.

From a page about the book:

    More American women are childless than ever before—nearly half those of childbearing age don’t have children.

While our society often assumes these women are “childfree by choice,” that’s not always true.

In reality, many of them expected to marry and have children, but it simply hasn’t happened. Wrongly judged as picky or career-obsessed, they make up the “Otherhood,” a growing demographic that has gone without definition or visibility until now.

—————————————-
Disclaimer: I am not anti-motherhood, nor necessarily against people taking their mothers out to brunch on Mother’s Day.

I am, however, against the onslaught of syrupy Mother’s Day hoopla on and before the day, and the church services that honor mothers because:

  • Some people (women included) were abused by their mothers and so find the holiday awkward or painful,
  • some people had or have mothers who are/were cruel or overly-critical,
  • some people’s mothers are dead and they miss them terribly,
  • some women desire to be a mother but cannot because they are infertile, their spouse is infertile, or they are single and cannot find “Mr. Right” (and don’t believe in getting pregnant outside of marriage, or don’t feel they could support a baby alone)
  • some women choose to be child free, but feel excluded or shamed by church and secular staggering emphasis on motherhood on the holiday

Some Christians have turned motherhood (as well as fatherhood and marriage) into idols, which they should repent of.
—————————-
This post discusses “Otherhood” (women who delay motherhood for years, or who are infertile, or ones who were open to having children but who’ve not met “Mr Right,” and for whatever reason, do not want to have a child while single, but would prefer to be married before having kids)

OTHERHOOD

(Link): The Otherhood: Single women face ‘circumstantial infertility’

Excerpt

    Melanie Notkin wanted love, marriage, and then the proverbial baby carriage — in that order.

By the time she reached her early forties, the entrepreneur and author was still single and appreciated the likelihood that, despite wanting desperately to be a mother, she might never give birth to a child on her own.

Like many women her age, Notkin, 44, a Montreal native, expected to reap all the social, economic, and political equality that her mother’s generation didn’t have. At the same time, in addition to her education and her career, she anticipated a traditional family track.

In her new book, released today, “Otherhood: Modern Women Finding A New Kind of Happiness,” Notkin uncovers the personal stories of women like her, who are part of a growing demographic trend and suffer what she calls “circumstantial infertility.”

Often, people presume that when a woman like Notkin is childless, it’s probably by choice. But many of the childless women in their thirties and forties simply want to do it the “old fashioned way,” she says, and find the right relationship before making a lifetime commitment to have kids.

Continue reading “Otherhood – An overlooked demographic – the Childless and Childfree Women and Singles Especially Women Who Had Hoped to Marry and Have Kids But Never Met Mr. Right (links)”

Get Over It says Dr Ed Young on Christian show The Winning Walk – And People Who Maybe Do Need to Get Over It

Get Over It says Dr Ed Young on Christian show The Winning Walk – And People Who Maybe Do Need to Get Over It

I watched a few minutes of “The Winning Walk” television program hosted by preacher Ed Young Sr. today. He’s a preacher based out of Houston, Texas. I believe he is Southern Baptist.

For about two or three minutes, he lectured his audience on how if something bad happened to them (or even something good, because sometimes people allow success to go to their heads), he said “don’t let that get you down.”

He yelled several times over two minutes, “Get over it! Get over it!”

If you’ve seen my previous posts, you know how much this annoys me. Please see this post:

I could only withstand watching about two minutes of Young’s “get over it” rant and had to turn the channel.

I will add a caveat, here.

I have known a few people over my life who are consistently negative about everything, or about the same two or three topics, or, they allow one or two major hurtful life events from the past define them and their attitude now – even if they were victimized many years ago.

I have listened to them complain or cry about the same problems for many years (and these people are often reluctant to listen to my problems and give me love and encouragement).

I have been very tempted to tell them on occasions where they are once more bringing up the same problem from years ago to “just get over it” but so far have bitten my lip.

I’d say most people I have known, though, do try to get out of the pain, anger, and hurt and not “camp out” in it.

I think for those people, the ‘just get over it’ message is terribly heartless, and I wish preachers would stop barking it at their audiences.

Lone Voice in The Wilderness: Lady Advises Christian Adult Singles to Mate Hunt in Church – and a few critiques of her page

Lone Voice in The Wilderness: Lady Advises Christian Adult Singles to Mate Hunt in Church – and a few critiques of her page

The following comes from a page entitled,
(Link): Dating Comeback: Meeting Singles in Church by Lori Bizzoco

I’m sure this lady means well, and I don’t mean to sound too hard on her, but there were a few parts of her page I did not agree with or thought were a little naive.

Here is one part that had me laughing (see my explanation below for why I find this funny – or naive):

    Dating Comeback: Meeting Singles in Church

    Sunday isn’t the only day when you have the opportunity to meet someone.

    Religious affiliations all across the country host organized activities for single people during the week. Most host single mixers, parties, and dances and there are usually support groups for widowed or divorced Christians as well.

    Branch out by looking beyond Sunday to meet other singles. If you’re unsure what’s being offered in your area, look in the weekly Church bulletins or give your local Parish a call.

She must be joking.

There may be some churches in some part of America that do hold adult singles functions, but there are not many.

Based on my personal experience, the blog pages for and by Christian singles I’ve read, and books about Christian adult singlehood, most churches have absolutely no ministries or classes for adult singles over 30 at all, or the ones they have consist of one or two adult singles.

Continue reading “Lone Voice in The Wilderness: Lady Advises Christian Adult Singles to Mate Hunt in Church – and a few critiques of her page”

Ways To Avoid Sounding Like a Sexist Jerk – Even If You’re a Woman (mentions marriage and parenthood)

Ways To Avoid Sounding Like a Sexist Jerk–Even If You’re a Woman

This list has eleven tips. I am only copying 2 or 3 of them.

(Link): 11 Ways To Avoid Sounding Like a Sexist Jerk–Even If You’re a Woman

    by Jessica Bennett

    Sheryl Sandberg wants to ban the word bossy, but that’s just the tip of the demeaning language iceberg

    Whatever your opinion of the campaign by Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In foundation to ban the word bossy — which, for the record, I advised on — one thing is indisputable: the power of words is stark.

    Call a little girl “bossy” and she starts to avoid leadership roles because she’s afraid of being seen as unlikeable. People are already wary of assertive women at work, but call a woman “aggressive” out loud and they will probably like her less.

    Call a female politician a ballbuster enough times, and people may actually be less likely to vote for her.

    Words tell us something about the way our culture perceives women in power, and whether we believe they’re supposed to be there.

    So, in an attempt to save you — writers, speakers, humans, journalists — from falling into the gender bias trap unintentionally, we’ve put together this handy guide:

    On Husbands and Marital Status or Being a Mom.

    We’re talking about pointing out that a woman is “unmarried” or even that she’s a “mother of two.” As Allyson Jule, the author of “A Beginner’s Guide to Language and Gender,” puts it: “These representations of women trivialize their lives and place an extra level of personal judgment on them.”

    Please Stop Asking If Women Can ‘Have It All.’

    When in doubt, read this column, from the public editor of the New York Times, published last month amid outrage over a magazine cover titled, “Can Wendy Davis Have It All?” “Despite its well-intentioned efforts,” the Times ombudsman wrote, “this piece managed to trip over a double standard with its detailed examination of Ms. Davis’s biography, including her role in raising her two daughters.”

    And while we’re at it, let’s stop asking how women manage to “do it all.”

    Tina Fey declared this “the rudest question you can ask a woman.” Because the answer is simple. She’s doing it the same way a dude would, except that he doesn’t have to answer questions about it.

—————————–
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Five Things Single Women Hate to Hear

(Link): Annoyances of Being a Christian Single

Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

Beauty Redefined Site Discusses Modesty: Modest Is Hottest?

I do agree with much of what this blog post says (the following is from ‘Beauty Redefined’):

(Link): Modest Is Hottest? The Revealing Truth

    Women and girls are more than just bodies. But you wouldn’t know that if you looked to media, or even sometimes well-meaning religious* rhetoric, for the truth about females.

    And you wouldn’t know that if you listened to the way so many of us discuss the topic of appropriate dress, or “modesty,” today.

    We are growing up and growing older surrounded by profit-driven media’s fixation on bodies – from “Perfect Your Parts, Perfect Your Life!” billboards to always-Photoshopped magazines and TV obsessed with judging what women wear and how much cellulite they have.

    In an inescapable media world that pans up and down women’s bodies and focuses so much attention on their parts, no wonder girls learn to display their bodies as something to be looked at.

    No wonder girls learn to survey their bodies at all times, and in all things they are wearing, and in all places they are going.

    Today in many circles, issues of female “modesty” are very popular.

    From many religions’ focus on appropriate dress to schools having rules on how high above the knee girls’ shorts can and can’t be or how much bare shoulder is too much – modesty is a trending topic. (For LDS audiences, we now have a modesty lesson plan here).

    Fashion boutiques have crazy names like “Sexy Modest” and “Modest is Hottest!” is a popular phrase endorsing full-coverage clothing.

    While reasons for suggesting modesty vary greatly, we at Beauty Redefined can attest that far too much emphasis is being placed on arbitrary standards that are harming females from a very young age and keeping us fixated on females as bodies alone.

    If you’re pro-modesty (by whatever definition that means to you), then live it and teach it as a means for empowerment and benefit to yourself, not as a service or protection for men.

    …. Many discussions of modesty, from diverse cultural or religious perspectives, revolve around the idea of keeping sinful and unholy female bodies and body parts from the gaze of others — particularly men.

    This privileges the male gaze, in a backward sort of way, and puts females at a disadvantage for being the ones in control of what others think or feel when seeing their bodies.

    When we speak of modesty strictly in terms of covering our bodies from the sexual gaze of others, we are keeping the level of discourse at the shallow waters of women and girls as bodies alone.

    We have very little control of what other people think when they look at us.

    Even in cultures where women are required to or choose to cover up a great deal, there is still an incredibly high incidence of rape and sexual violence. Covering up has no bearing on men’s ability to control themselves.

    If we are teaching the girls in our lives that the primary objective of modesty is to keep themselves covered so boys and men don’t think sexual thoughts about them, then we are teaching girls they are responsible for other peoples’ thoughts and they are primarily sexual objects in need of covering.

    No girl or woman’s body is sinful, and no one should be taught that. Modesty, as an ideal, can be about so much more than shaming females into covering up.

    Modesty, as an ideal, can be about so much more than shaming females into covering up.

    …. We complicate it even further when we throw in phrases like, “modest is hottest,” which again teaches that girls should dress modestly for the benefit and approval of others, and not for themselves.

    Modesty can be a powerful concept when we believe we are more than bodies. And when you believe that you are capable of more than looking hot, then you might dress differently than someone who perceives her value comes from her appearance, or the amount of attention she gets from men.

    … If you believe your power comes from your words, your unique contributions, your mind, your service, then you don’t need to seek attention and power by emphasizing your [body] parts and minimizing yourself to your body.

    …. We see why suggestions regarding the length of hemlines and the depth of necklines are important, because we live in a sexual world where even the youngest of girls are sexualized to an extreme degree and they are told their “sexiness” will bring them popularity, love, and happiness.

    Studies show girls as young as 6 years old are sexualizing themselves because media messages show them being sexy yields rewards (a July 2012 study in Sex Roles reveals the latest). As we‘ve written about before, even girls’ TOYS and cartoon characters are sexualized to the extreme these days.

    But when we fixate on the inches showing we are missing the point.

    When we judge girls and women for the skin they are or are not showing, we are minimizing them to their bodies and repeating the same lies that females are only bodies in need of judgment and fixing.

    We are even perpetuating the shame-inducing belief that female bodies are sinful and impure, and must be covered to protect boys and men who can’t be held responsible for their thoughts or actions.

    ….. Modesty is defined differently by different cultures – even different families – and it’s time to stop shaming people into covering themselves and start teaching truths that need shouted from the rooftop: We are more than just bodies to be looked at.

((( click here to read the rest )))
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Related posts this blog:

(Link): Modesty: A Female-Only Virtue? – Christian Double Standards – Hypocrisy

(Link): The Annoying, Weird, Sexist Preoccupation by Christian Males with Female Looks and Sexuality

(Link): A Grown-Up, Not Sexed-Up, View of Womanhood (article) – how Christian teachings on gender and singlehood contribute to raunch culture and fornication etc

(Link): Gender Complementarian Product for Females: Don’t Base Your Value on Your Looks, but Wait, Yes, You Should

(Link): Atlantic: “The case for abandoning the myth that ‘women aren’t visual.’”

(Link): Ryan Gosling and Shirtless, Buff Cowboy Photos on Social Media – Yes, Women Are Visually Stimulated and Visually Oriented (Part 2)

(Link): Funny Satirical Piece: Woman Mocks Demands for Female Modesty By Shaming Males (and their judgy Mothers) For Being Immodest

Preacher Matthew Hagee Insults Singles on Valentine’s Day

Preacher Matthew Hagee Insults Singles on Valentine’s Day

Maybe a certain someone saw my previous post, (Link): ‘God’s Purpose for Women,’ by Matthew Hagee (sermon from 2010) – Hagee Teaches that Single Unmarried Women Do Not Have a Purpose in Life God has no purpose for singles, because this doofus (M. Hagee) actually discusses singles in today’s televised sermon, which is 30 minutes long, and I don’t mean he discusses singles in an encouraging, loving way.

Normally when I critique a sermon, I listen to either all of it, or at least ten to twenty minutes of it. I don’t have the fortitude to do that today.

I just saw a 2 or 3 minute introduction to a sermon by Matthew Hagee (son of blowhard preacher John Hagee) called “Who Do You Love,” where a few high lights from the sermon were shown.

I would assume that eventually this sermon will be made available on this You Tube channel:
(Link): John Hagee Ministries video channel
Or, you might be able to find the sermon on (Link): iTBN.

edit. The sermon may be available from iTBN here:
(Link): Who Do You Love, a sermon by Matthew Hagee where he insults adult single Christians, aired Valentine’s Day (Feb 14) 2014

In the introduction I saw, Hagee did a disrespectful impression, a mocking tone, of what he imagines a single, Christian woman who is praying to God for a spouse might sound like:
“Oh Lord, when will you send me a perfect Mr. Right,” and he replied (doing an impression of God), “Why would I send him to YOU for you to mess up? You are going to ruin him.”

Hagee then did a reverse situation, where he did his impression of what he thinks an unmarried man might sound like in prayer to God for a spouse. Yes, it was also disrespectful.

Hagee also made the comments, “So you say you are single. Well, let me ask you something: How can God answer your prayer until you become someone’s answer to prayer?”

I’m not even going to bother listening to the rest of the sermon, because I doubt it’s any better than those first 2, 3 minutes of the intro.

Just those two minutes are filled not only with derision for singles who desire marriage, but also with some incorrect theology.

Some Christians assume if you are 25, 35, 45 years old, or older, and still single, it must be your fault.

The ladies who are over 25 and 30 who are still single get told often that they are “too picky.” This view, as I saw from the brief video clips, seems implicit in Hagees’ outlook about single women.

Let me just stop you right there.

Okay Matthew Hagee, assuming you have a daughter (pretend that you do if you do not).

If your daughter is still single at 35 years of age, and she desires marriage, would you honestly tell your OWN daughter to “settle,” to marry the 567 pound slobby, abusive, stupid, unemployed man?

No, you probably would not.

Would you seriously tell your own daughter to marry any guy who comes along, even if there is no attraction, or he mistreats her, or she doesn’t feel in love with him, or what have you?

You probably would not, no.

Yet you feel just fine implying these very things on a stage in a church full of people during a service that is being broadcast to millions in the United States and around the world.

Why do you believe that your hypothetical daughter is more worthy of respect than myself or other single women who are not your daughters?

Another mentality that some Christians have is that God is keeping you single until he can “clean you up” or fix you in some way. No where does the Bible teach that God has to take you through your paces, perfect you, or make you be good enough, before he will “reward” you with a spouse.

The Bible does not teach that a person has to “earn” a spouse.

The Bible contains examples of people who stole spouses (David and Bathsheba).

The Bible also has examples of complete idiots who got great spouses (Nabal was the idiot, Abigail his wife, you can read more about them (Link): here. An excerpt from that Bible passage reads: “His name was Nabal and his wife’s name was Abigail. She was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but her husband was surly and mean in his dealings—he was a Calebite.”).

As a matter of fact, go to my thread at this blog, (Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread), to see numerous news stories of Christian married couples who are ungodly, immature, selfish, or abusive. Some married Christians have been thrown in jail for rape, theft, drug abuse, or murder.

If God required everyone to be totally holy and pure before sending people spouses, and forced everyone to get all their personal sins and characters flaws in check before permitting them to marry, how does one account for all the Christian husbands who are pornography addicts, child sex abusers, drug addicts, and wife beaters?

Stop holding out a husband or wife as a reward to good Christians who get their ducks lined up in a row.

I’m still a virgin in my forties, and God never did reward me with a husband for sexually abstaining this long, and I am not fat and ugly – I was engaged for several years.

Non Christian and Christian men have flirted with me, asked me out on dates, have seen my photo at friend’s homes and asked friends if they could be fixed up with me on dates, etc.

That this Hagee person (who is married himself with a kid or two) would choose to mock, ridicule, and bash single adults on a sermon that aired on Valentine’s Day of all days is reprehensible and shows a total lack of compassion and understanding for what it’s like to be a single past one’s late twenties.

It’s no wonder churches are losing members, they keep bashing (when not ignoring) 44% of the American population (i.e., adult singles).

And again, many resources I have seen point out that for every Christian adult man, there are three, adult, unmarried Christian women.

Meaning, not all Christian women who want a Christian spouse can even get one, leaving them to stay single, or marry outside the Christian faith. Do Hagee and jerks like him who bash singles from the pulpit ever mention these facts? Nope.

It’s just rudely assumed by these anti-singles preachers that single women over 30, 40 years of age are single because they are too picky, fat, flawed, are feminist man-haters, or are messed up in some way. That American demographics are not in favor of American single women who desire marriage are never mentioned.

By the way, marriage does not happen just because you want it enough, see this previous post:
(Link): Typical Incorrect Conservative Christian Assumption: If you want marriage bad enough, Mr. Right will magically appear

I have several other posts on my blog that refute some of these views by Hagee, such as:

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Related Posts:

(Link):  A Valentine for the Single Christian by K L Bishop

(Link): The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

(Link): Single Adults – Why They Stay and Why They Stray From Church – Book Excerpts

(Link): The Holy Spirit Sanctifies a Person Not A Spouse – Weekly Christian Marriage Advice Column Pokes Holes in Christian Stereotype that Marriage Automatically Sanctifies People

(Link): Salvation By Marriage Alone – The Over Emphasis Upon Marriage by Conservative Christians Evangelicals Southern Baptists

(Link): How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)

(Link): Unmarried / Single People Are Supposedly Bitter & Have Too Much Baggage – and that’s why you’re still single they say

(Link): List of Christian Singlehood Annoyances, Part 1 (includes cliches and platitudes)

(Link): Article: 30 And Single? It’s Your Own Fault (editorial by a woman who refutes the idea that singles are to blame for being single)

(Link): Topics Preachers Should or Shouldn’t Mention When Discussing Singlehood

(Link): Isn’t It Time the Church Gave Singles a Break? (editorial from another blog)

(Link): Christian TV Personality ( Jimmy Evans ) Says You Cannot Meet God’s Destiny For Your Life Without A Spouse = Anti Singleness Singlehood Singles Bias Prejudice Making Idol out of Marriage

You can dig around this blog to find many other posts like those, use the post tags, the search feature on the right hand side of the blog for that, or use the archive pull down menu and jump around at random.

Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)

Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)

(Link): Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)

(The follow up post:
(Link): The 39 worst things folks said to people who are single during the holidays.)

Excerpts:

    … So instead of simply remixing an old post, I decided to create a holiday-focused scorecard. Think of it like a seasonal ale they put nutmeg in during January. It only comes around this time of year. Without further ado, I give you:

    Being single during Christmas at church:

    5. You good friends hold secret “couples holiday dinners” they don’t invite you to because they don’t want you to feel awkward. = + 3 points

    Wreath
    Wreath

    6. They wince when the world’s worst commercials, Jared’s jewelry, come on TV and some horrible actress gets engaged right in front of you. = +4 points

    8. They try desperately to find the silver lining and say things like, “It must be nice not to have to shop for anyone. My husband is so hard to get gifts for!” = +2 points

    10. They feel slightly guilty for watching romantic Christmas movies in your presence, like “Love Actually.” = +3 points

    11. Someone tells you, “Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone.” = +2 points

    12. Your friends have stopped saying “When you get married” because they’re not sure you’ve got it in you. = +1 point

    21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point

    22. You’re divorced and someone gives you the incredibly encouraging advice, “God will bring you someone who will overlook your past.” = + 2 points

    24. Someone makes a horrible joke about how this Christmas, you got the “gift of celibacy.” = +10 points

    25. Married friends feel compelled to over tell you how difficult marriage is so that you don’t feel like it’s a winter wonderland of constant awesomeness. = +3 points

    32. People try to romanticize the tremendous amounts of free time you must have during the holidays without a family to bother you. = +3 points

Some select reader comments:

    Sydney says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 3:46 PM

    As the oldest grandchild and neice on both sides of my family I have recently been given the guilt trip from my grandparents: “We might not have many more Cristmases left, we need some grandchildren!”

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:12 PM

    Yup, I started to hear similar comments in the last couple years (and I’m only 24!). Like from my grandfather “Do you have a boyfriend yet? You need to get married before I die.” As if boyfriends magically appear out of force of sheer will.

    Katie says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 3:48 PM

    “It’s so courageous of you to decorate your apartment for the holidays and send out Christmas cards, as if you had a family”.

    Yep. From a family member.

    I don’t know how many ‘points’ is equal to spending Christmas afternoon in my bedroom crying. Alone, of course. Maybe +20?

    Carly says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 10:17 AM

    So true! My grandfather gives all my (married) siblings/cousins money (triple digits) for Christmas. Being single, I get $0. Its not so much about the money, but not being considered as “equally deserving of a gift.”

    Sara says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 1:01 PM

    Me too, Carly! Me too! The exact same thing happens to me.

    Sandy says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 3:43 PM

    Same here!! I always think, I have bills too and nobody to help me pay them! Am I not worthy of a check at Christmas just because I didn’t provide a son-in-law and grandchildren??

    Claire says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:28 PM

    [In response to someone who says she hates #21 on the list, 21 reads,

    21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point]

    As if God is dangling a gift in front of you and will only give it to you when you stop reaching for it or wanting it! So screwy, but I can’t tell you how many people have thrown this at me in my 35 years of singleness.

    Kelsey says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:53 PM

    I cannot stand #21 or any spin-offs that deal with, “Well, when you focus fully on God, he’ll be right beside you!”

    It implies that all married people are somehow on a separate spiritual playing field than singles. Like they are the first-string players that know how to focus on Jesus better or something—AND FOR THAT, THEY GET A REWARD!

    But not you single people. Go read your ESV study bible and pray a little more. Better luck next season!

    jill says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:20 PM

    I’m sick of people saying I should get more involved in church and that I will meet him there. I already go to church and have been for a looong time. No dice. Sitting between my parents each Sunday doesn’t really help either, huh?

    Krista says
    DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 12:15 AM

    I attend a church and live in a town that has very few single Christian men. My church has none. And I am one of two single ladies myself. Getting more involved will not do anything.

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:22 PM

    That is fantastic, haha! Yeah, it’s a very good point. A lot of people make comments that imply you’re single because you somehow aren’t putting God first in your life, no matter what you’re actually doing.

    DM says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:10 PM

    ST.WIPS: Stupid Things Well-Intentioned People Say.

    “It’ll happen when…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random statement like “when you’re least expecting it…” blah blah blah)
    “God is your husband!”
    “Maybe you should…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random advice that is usually a little bit mean. I usually want to respond, “Maybe you should kiss my grits.”
    “Have you prayed about it?” Oh! Now there’s a brilliant idea that I’ve never considered!

    Jon–How many points does one get for being single, alone, and OVERSEAS at Christmas? About 100?

    Monahmartha says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 9:51 PM

    Blechk! Im 35, and married now but wow, did i hate that “youre not putting urself in the right situations…” Its bs im sorry. I was told for many years my husband would come to my church one day. And the non-church people i knew were telling me i needed to go to club to find a man. Otherwise i was dooomed.

    Well every1 was wrong. I just kept living my life and future hubby came to my WORK PLACE. LOL so there!

    And i vowed when i got married i will not become “one of them”. And im didnt. Godmhelp me if i ever do…

    Holly says
    DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 12:58 PM

    I tell the Church ladies that there is no one single my age at church, so I’m gonna start going to the bars to find a husband.

    That shuts them up quick.

    Amy says
    DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 3:20 PM

    I once told a girl at my Bible study that I’d been keeping my hair long because a) I’ve been enjoying doing fun updos with it and b) I read that guys prefer longer hair (which is true) . . . but I’d also considered doing a cute pixie cut. I’m just afraid that if I did everyone would think I was a butch lesbian, so if I get to 35 and I’m still not married I might go ahead and give the pixie a shot, since by then I expect most people will think I’m a butch lesbian anyway . . . LOL. (It’s been thought before, even when I’ve had long hair . . . I’m sorry to say).

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:17 PM

    Yup, some of these are accurate already. Like the lady at church who always asks me if I have a boyfriend yet because she has to know as soon as it happens. I have a few friends who like to tell me how lucky I am to be single and how guys are so much more trouble than they’re worth. Yeah, so nice to be told that from the person who has been married or in a relationship for years to the girl who has never had a bf. They all mean well, but there comes a point when every single piece of “advice” or “encouragement” someone gives you about your love life becomes kind of insulting and aggravating. I despise those cliched comments from people.

    [In reply to a married about what marrieds can say to singles]
    Andrea says
    DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 12:52 AM

    Everything else about my life? Because part of what makes it so frustrating/hurtful, is those questions are essentially implying, “it doesn’t really matter what you’ve done or accomplished. Your life isn’t truly valid until you’re in a relationship/married/have kids. Didn’t you know you are defined by your marital status?”

    I have a job I’ve worked hard for and really enjoy (and I work with some really fascinating stuff, which I might tell you about if you showed interest in knowing something beyond my 30-second job summary).
    I have a master’s degree.
    I’ve traveled all over the world.
    I have friends and family all over the country/world.
    I’ve been remodeling my house over the last 3 years.
    I’m in a book club and love to read.
    I enjoy working in my yard/garden.
    I love to bake and cook.
    I love going to the theater and trying new restaurants.
    And yes, I have two cats. And they entertain me to no end.

    But yet somehow, there are people who can’t think of anything to ask me about or comment on except my relationship status?!

    So, what would encourage me and make me feel appreciated? Showing interest in what my life IS (everything listed above), rather than what it might be lacking (a significant other). Celebrating/congratulating me on what I’ve accomplished (job, education, house reno, etc.), rather than focusing on what I haven’t (a husband). Recognizing that I and my life are legitimate and acceptable right now and as is – just as acceptable and legitimate as they would be with a spouse, not just as “it’s nice to see you’re using your time well until you meet someone.”.

    Hope that helps!

    Becky says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:28 PM

    Yes! I also stopped telling stories to my parents that involves and single guy within 20 years of me. They completely tone-out what I’m saying and become fixed on that guy. “So you just said Jake, who is Jake, how old is he? Are you interested, is he cute?” And they remember him and check-in on how “jake and I ” are doing for months.

    Selina says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM

    Ooo, wait, can we add watching all the Christmas engagement posts starting to pop up on facebook with the nauseatingly sappy captions??? Seriously.

    Sharon says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM

    Being a widow, I get a lot of “at least…” statements, such as “at least you had the time together that you did. “.
    True, but it doesn’t make it any less lonely. These are often preceded by “Wow, the holidays much be so hard for you, being by yourself and all.”
    Thanks for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed.
    Which is immediately followed by the suggestion that I sign up to volunteer at all 11 services over four days.
    Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I don’t have a life.

    Kaitlyn says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM

    This cracked me up, especially after the question I got yesterday: “Have you tried Christian Mingle yet?”

    Rachel says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 6:40 PM

    Ah yes. My old friend. I saw an advert for said company online the other day (thanks, targeted FB advertising) with the terrible, theologically worrying and mildly threatening slogan “Worried about going to heaven alone? Maybe not.” As Charlie Brown says, good grief.

    Should definitely be added to the points system.

    Peggy says
    DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:29 PM

    I’m divorced and in my thirties. At this point, I hear comments about how God will “restore the years the locusts have eaten.”

    Little do they know that I’m on a wild adventure and I see no locusts in my history.

    I was just starting to write a blog post about Christmas as a single woman! I will have to link to this post.

    Continue reading “Being Single During Christmas (by J. Acuff)”

The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME

The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles

(Edit months after the fact: this blog post may contain adult language, as in cuss words. Or not. I don’t remember. But it’s a possibility.)
————————-
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to post about this before.

If you are looking for a positive, happy-happy blog to cheer you up about being single, this is not the blog for you.

I don’t aim to give people the warm and fuzzies about being single. I’m not trying to make you feel rotten about being single, either, though.

I am trying to Keep It Real.

I just told a blog visitor in a comment (in the blog post about the 34 year old single woman who is tired of being asked when she will marry), who seems to find this blog depressing, or too negative for her tastes, or something, because I am seldom upbeat and happy:

    …I actually had a visitor here about a week ago who says she really likes this blog because it is “raw.”

I know what she means.

Personally, I tired of the saccharin sweet tone of Christian blogs for singles, and there are many of them out there, if you are looking for upbeat and encouraging conversations about being a Christian single when you feel down about it.

I got turned off by those sites after having looked at them over a period of years.

Sites such as “Christianity Today,” “Boundless,” and “Her.meneutics” (and other Christian sites/ blogs) strive to be G-rated and clean at all times. They are usually afraid to be blunt and real about life, about marriage, about singlehood.

Many Christian sites and blogs (even the ones run by lay persons) are deathly afraid of using rough language, being negative, everything always has to be sunny- sunny, sweet, upbeat, and paint a rosy picture of being a Christian single. In my opinion, that is not real. That is not reality, not to me.

I never got anything out of the sweet, G-rated, prim and proper, super nice blogs for Christians that tell singles to “serve Jesus,” “find contentment in Jesus,” and so forth. These little platitudes don’t convey the deep loneliness and pain some singles who desire marriage contend with.

And that is all very true.

I like that I can come to my little blog here and cuss and rant and be negative (you too can start your own blog. These Word Pres blogs are free).

Continue reading “The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles – Christian Material For Singles is LAME”

P.T.S.D. is Not Biblical Says K. Copeland and Barton

P.T.S.D. is Not Biblical Says K. Copeland and D. Barton

I don’t intend to make this blog “cutting edge.” This story I am linking to here (farther below) came out two, three, or more days ago. You’ve probably heard about it already on other blogs or in the news.

I sometimes wait a few days (or a week or more) before I mention something on this blog that piques my interest or ire.

Other than the singles issue (that is, Christians in Evangelical, Fundamentalist, Neo-Calvinist/Reformed, and Baptist churches tend to treat the un-married and childless like losers, if they bother to acknowledge singles at all), a few other topics get me worked up, and another one is how a lot of Christians treat mental health problems.

This isn’t a topic I want to blog about too much here on a regular basis, but every so often, I will address it.

From my childhood until a few years ago, I had clinical depression as well as a few other mental health problems. I was professionally diagnosed by psychiatrists.

Those problems have mostly cleared up now. But years of reading the Bible, praying, and “standing on the promises of Scripture,” did nothing to ease the depression or lift it (or the other problems I had).

Serving other people, working in soup kitchens, and all the usual advice one gets from Christians that was supposed to lift the depression did not help me, either.

For years, I would see preachers on TV or in blogs blame Christians who have depression for the depression (or for any other mental health problems they may have).

Some preachers and Christian lay persons would say if you have depression, it is because God is punishing you, you are not praying hard enough, you lack faith, you have unconfessed sin in your life, and a million other reasons.

Some of the Christians I saw on television or on blogs and forums, from everyday folks to famous preachers, would tell you that using medication or seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist is sinful or shows a lack of faith, so they would discourage any of that.

Some Christian online ministries even go so far as to deny that Christians can develop mental health issues to start with.

Two administrators at one Christian site I contacted several years ago said if I had depression, I obviously was not “really” a Christian, because “real Christians do not have depression.”

Many Christians are extremely ignorant and prejudiced concerning depression and other mental health maladies, and against those who suffer from the mental health problems.

Here is another example.

Christian historian David Barton (who is controversial; he is not considered a fully competent historian by many other historians, both Christians and NonChristians), and Kenneth Copeland, who is a Word of Faith heretic, recently made some very controversial comments about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

Essentially, both men said in a recent broadcast on Copeland’s television show that Christian military personnel who have PTSD should not rely on medicine or medical care for treatment, but only rely on the promises in the Bible.

By the way, a lot of people who are not military personnel also have P.T.S.D., such as adult survivors of childhood abuse, and women who have been raped.

You can read more about Copeland’s and Barton’s nonsense here
(A word about the links below: bear in mind some of the sources I cite here are either left wing or hostile to Christians; I am quasi- Christian quasi- agnostic, critical of some aspects of Christianity, though I don’t hate all of the faith or all Christians, and I am right wing, not left wing):

(Link): David Barton and Kenneth Copeland: PTSD isn’t biblical, The State

(Link): David Barton & Kenneth Copeland: PTSD isn’t biblical, Houston Chronicle

    November 14, 2013

    (RNS) On a Veterans Day broadcast program, televangelist Kenneth Copeland and controversial historian David Barton told listeners that soldiers should never experience guilt or post-traumatic stress disorder after returning from military service.

    Reading from Numbers 32: 20-22, Copeland said, “So this is a promise — if you do this thing, if you arm yourselves before the Lord for the war … you shall return, you’re coming back, and be guiltless before the Lord and before the nation.”

    “Any of you suffering from PTSD right now, you listen to me,” Copeland said as Barton affirmed him. “You get rid of that right now. You don’t take drugs to get rid of it. It doesn’t take psychology. That promise right there will get rid of it.”

    Barton added that many biblical warriors “took so many people out in battle,” but did so in the name of God.

    “You’re on an elevated platform up here. You’re a hero, you’re put in the faith hall of fame,” Barton said. “… When you do it God’s way, not only are you guiltless for having done that, you’re esteemed.”

    … “It is obvious that they do not have knowledge of the condition,” said Warren Throckmorton, a Grove City College psychology professor who has written on Barton. “Copeland and Barton err theologically as well by taking specific Scriptures written in relationship to Israel and apply them to American armies.”

    Continue reading “P.T.S.D. is Not Biblical Says K. Copeland and Barton”

Christian Life Script Propaganda – life doesn’t always turn out like you hope or want

Christian Life Script Propaganda – life doesn’t always turn out like you hope or want

Here is a letter by a woman who expected her son to marry and pop out a few grandchildren for her. He says he is bi-sexual, has a boyfriend, and has no intention of ever having children. The mother says she feels “cheated.”

I’ve no idea if this woman is Christian or not, but that is not the point.

It is not only still an expectation and hope among Christian parents and Christian culture for people to marry, have kids, but also in a lot of secular culture.

But Christians in particular make it sound like if you just follow the rules – pray to Jesus enough, have enough faith, tithe regularly, remain chaste and pure – that God will grant your a godly spouse and perfect, loving kids, who will one day grow up to marry and give you grandchildren.

Well, sometimes life does not work out the way you had planned or hoped, and it does not matter how good and godly you were or are. Case in point (from “Dear Abby” advice column):

    DEAR ABBY:
    My only son is 18. He didn’t attend his prom. He quit school and goes to night school instead.

    I’ll never see him in a cap and gown, holding his diploma.

    On top of that, he told me six months ago that he’s bisexual and that he has a boyfriend in the U.K. I’m having a hard time with all of this.

    I taught my son to love and respect everyone, regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation. Now I’m afraid I won’t have any grandchildren. Even more upsetting, he wants to move to the U.K. to be with his 26-year-old boyfriend.

    I feel so cheated — no prom, no graduation, no grandchildren! I’m scared and I cry every day. How do I accept him being him?
    — CHEATED IN CONNECTICUT

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How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)

This is an excellent editorial about single women from a Christian source. Most Christian commentary on singleness sucks, but this was good.

(Link): How Not to Help All the Single Ladies

    Blaming women for their own singleness is about as productive as a ‘Cosmo’ checklist.

    by Sharon Hodde Miller

    [snip comments about her meeting with middle aged Christian women friends who had never married]

    Several weeks later, I spoke with another friend across the country who also wondered at her singleness and ached to find a godly man.

    In each of these conversations, I struggled to find the right words.

    Part of me wanted to shout, “What’s wrong with men? These ladies are amazing! They should be fighting guys off with a bat.”

    But the situation is more complicated than that. For one, women in the American church outnumber men. In 2009, sociologist Mark Regnerus reported in CT that there are 3 single women for every 2 single men. Simply put, there aren’t enough Christian men to go around.

    Add to that the elements of romantic chemistry, life circumstances, and God’s providence—all factors that are simply out of one woman’s control. It’s not her fault, and there’s nothing wrong with her. Nevertheless, most longtime single women are tempted to pause and wonder, Is it me?

    Don’t get me wrong. There are certainly single women out there who have difficult personalities.

    But, there are married women with equally challenging personalities who still managed to find a mate.

    Having a strong personality or being independent or failing to look like a supermodel are not deterrents to finding a spouse.

    Dating is not simple. There is no tried and true formula.

    Which is why I become frustrated whenever I come across articles, blog posts and books purporting to tell women why they are still single, and how they should act to snag a man.

    Continue reading “How Not to Help All the Single Ladies (excellent article)”