The Horrible, Sexist Advice And Attitude Behind the ‘How Do I Approach A Girl With Headphones In?’ Post from the Absolute Ability Blog

The Horrible, Sexist Advice And Attitude Behind the ‘How Do I Approach A Girl With Headphones In?’ Post from the Absolute Ability Blog

I’m not a feminist.

But if you spend so much as ten minutes skimming over articles and blog posts about women, especially ones by feminists, you will discover on posts about what turns women off when, how, and why men approach them, that 99.9% of women, who are publicly using headphones, do not enjoy being approached when they have headphones or earplugs in.

Many women on forums and blogs have quite plainly said that they put on headphones in public precisely to use as a “Do Not Disturb Me” sign, as in, “I don’t want men to chat with me, ask me out, or flirt with me right now. I want to be left alone.” (I have a list of links to such comments, editorials, and blog posts farther below.)

But do the guys at this “Absolute Ability” blog below, which appears to be some kind of dating advice or P.U.A. (pick up artist) type site care about women’s stated preferences and explanations for their behavior?

Why no, they do not.

These men assume they know better than women what women want.

So, the short answer to the question, “How do I approach a girl wearing headphones” is – you do not.

(By the way, I am a woman. You can take my word over what men on a blog have to say about women.)

Do not take a woman wearing headphones as a challenge to overcome. It is not.

Do not view a woman’s “no” as an invitation to keep trying, to keep pestering her. Back off.

One clue that anyone and everyone should avoid taking dating or relationship advice from Tony D, is this Tweet on (Link): Tony’s Twitter (this is his Twitter linked to from his dating advice blog):

(Link): Tweet source (@TonyDAbsolute)

The Tweet by Tony reads:

I was sexually assaulted by Obama in the early, no mid, no early 90’s. Can’t remember when, where, how I got there, how I got back, and none of my friends I named remember it, or remember meeting him. But he’s definitely guilty. #touchedbyObama #BrettKavanaugh
–(end quote)–

Regardless of where one stands politically (I am moderately conservative), it shows a great deal of immaturity and insensitivity, and some sexism, to mock any woman who comes forward to say she was sexually assaulted – and note that Tony is also misusing the “me too” hash tag in his tweet.

Any man who thinks it’s acceptable to ridicule an alleged sexual assault victim, to mock sexual assault of women generally, is not a man to be taking dating advice from.

He clearly does not respect women, and if a man wants more success in dating, and if a man wants a lasting, healthy relationship with a woman, he will have to at a minimum, generally respect women.

Tony is also apparently a (Link): fan of Jordan Peterson, whom despite what his admirers think (and yes, I am familiar with Peterson’s work in context), holds to some sexist ideals and is in favor of traditional gender stereotypes for men and women, many of which elevate men at the expense of women.

Tony also tweeted on his Twitter (link) that

This is why the left is losing, and will continue to. They’re bullies and morons. twitter.com/SourcedReports–(end quote)–

Mmm. Now, I am a right wing woman (and yes I do believe that some liberals some of the time can behave like bullies), but Tony’s blog, from what I recall, does not say he is in the business of helping right wing men approach right wing women.

Well, considering that a lot of women are liberals and vote Democrat, how does Tony expect a man of whatever political persuasion, being able to approach  liberal or Democrat women for a date, when he holds them in such low esteem, and I’m sure that attitude would likely color his dating advice?

Or is Tony D. expecting male readers on his blog to approach only conservative women for dates? And how are those single men going to know which women are conservatives, if they’re not, for instance, wearing a M.A.G.A. ball cap?

Continue reading “The Horrible, Sexist Advice And Attitude Behind the ‘How Do I Approach A Girl With Headphones In?’ Post from the Absolute Ability Blog”

Country and Classic Rock Music Fans Get The Most Action on Dating Site, A New Survey Finds

Country and Classic Rock Music Fans Get The Most Action on Dating Site, A New Survey Finds

(Link): Country and classic rock fans get the most action on Plenty of Fish, a new survey finds

Excerpts:

by Nicole Lyn Peace

…Men who list country music as an interest on their Plenty of Fish dating profile receive 32% more messages from singles looking to mingle, while women who let their hair down to classic rock like Led Zeppelin, Queen and The Rolling Stones are 68% more likely to strike a chord with someone special, according to a new survey.

The online dating service scrolled through more than 9 million POF profiles to study the dating success of musically-minded singles on the app.

And it found male country music lovers have something to sing about.

Not only do they receive more in-app messages, but they are also 65% more likely to find their match on the app — perhaps because potential partners recognize that these cowboys are 49% less likely to be looking for just a quick hookup. (No wonder Blake Shelton is People’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2017; hold onto him, Gwen Stefani.)

Continue reading “Country and Classic Rock Music Fans Get The Most Action on Dating Site, A New Survey Finds”

Online Dating Study Says You’re Aiming Out Of Your League

Online Dating Study Says You’re Aiming Out Of Your League

This has always been more of a problem with men than with women.

I disagree with their study – the study, according to one article, says men have some success if they approach women out of their league.

Oh good lord no, don’t publish that – it will only encourage the losers, weirdos, or physically undeseireable to approach women more than they already do by giving them some kind of false hope. And that’s annoying.

This was especially a problem for me when I was college-aged – all the dorky guys who I had no interest in dating at all who would approach me thinking they had a shot, and they would not take “no” for an answer. They thought my “no” meant “try again, you can wear me down, and I’ll go out with you.”

(Link): Dude, She’s (Exactly 25 Percent) Out of Your League

Excerpts:

A massive new study of online dating finds that everyone dates aspirationally—and that a woman’s desirability peaks 32 years before a man’s does.

by Robinson Meyer

At this point, Elizabeth Bruch, a professor of sociology at the University of Michigan, crashes in to your thought process (and this news article).

Yep, she says. Leagues do seem to exist.

But you’re not alone in trying to escape yours: “Three-quarters, or more, of people are dating aspirationally,” she says. And according to a new study, users of online-dating sites spend most of their time trying to contact people “out of their league.”

In fact, most online-dating users tend to message people exactly 25 percent more desirable than they are.

Continue reading “Online Dating Study Says You’re Aiming Out Of Your League”

Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – on Not Wanting to Date Single Parents

Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – On Not Wanting to Date Single Parents

This following letter to an advice columnist (which is linked to and excerpted much farther down this blog post) is interesting, because I guarantee you had the guy written to “Ask Amy” of the “Ask Amy” column with the same concern, Amy would  not have been sympathetic to the guy.

Amy would’ve raked him over the coals for not oozing with love and compassion for the misbehaving stepchild.

Amy, as I’ve seen, always sides with the kids or the biological parent.

If you are a person married to someone who has a bratty kid who is driving you crazy (and even to the point of wanting to divorce!), Amy will shame you terribly over it.

Amy will scream and yell about you being selfish, and she will ask you to empathize with the misbehaving, rotten kid.

(That I can recall in all my years of reading her advice column, Amy has never shown empathy to the adult who is stressed and whose marriage is strained over a hard- to- handle step-child.)

This advice columnist,  though, takes the opposite approach and blames the biological mother; he holds her accountable for the poor marital dynamics.

Continue reading “Married To Person With Kid From Previous Marriage: Guy Says His Wife is Putting Her Son Before Their Marriage – on Not Wanting to Date Single Parents”

Ask Amy: These Sex-Crazed Weirdos Turned Me Off Internet Dating

Ask Amy: These Sex-Crazed Weirdos Turned Me Off Internet Dating

Hey, me too! I was also turned off of internet dating because of all the sex-crazed and vulgar weirdos who were on the dating sites.

Self-professing Christian men I came across on dating sites were so disgusting. They had crass, sexually charged jokes in their profiles, some of them stated sexual preferences right up front in the early stages of online dating or had such things listed on their profiles, so I gave up on dating sites.

I had a few other reasons why I gave up on online dating, but that was one of them.

(Link):  Ask Amy: These Sex-Crazed Weirdos Turned Me Off Internet Dating

(alt link)

DEAR AMY:

I am just coming out of an eight-year relationship with a man I met through an internet dating site.

Back then, all of my friends (and therapist) were aggressively urging me toward internet dating. I said I would try it for a month.

Before the month was up, I met “Don.”

Although the “plus” of this experience was meeting Don, I felt the rest of it was awful. I met a number of “single” men who were married.

I met a number of “50- and 60-” year-olds who were actually in their 70s or 80s.

Continue reading “Ask Amy: These Sex-Crazed Weirdos Turned Me Off Internet Dating”

23 Tweets That Accurately Capture The Hell That Is Modern Dating by B. Wong

23 Tweets That Accurately Capture The Hell That Is Modern Dating

(Link): 23 Tweets That Accurately Capture The Hell That Is Modern Dating

Face it: If you don’t laugh about your dating life (or lack thereof), you’re probably going to cry. It gets that bad sometimes.

Below, we’ve compiled 23 relatable tweets that truly, madly, deeply capture the experience of dating these days.

Tweet one:

touc schrute@aspiringtoucan

i don’t get how u cheat on a significant other. like how do you get 2 different ppl to like u. how
///——///

I wonder that too. Or those movie stars that have been married any where from 3 to 8 times, with 7 to 8 different people.

Here is my personal favorite from the list:

Crystal @25Average_

There’s plenty of fish in the sea but you know what else there is? TRASH. There is a lot of trash in the sea.
///——///

Continue reading “23 Tweets That Accurately Capture The Hell That Is Modern Dating by B. Wong”

8 Signs Being Single And Not Dating Is The Right Choice For You, According To Experts

8 Signs Being Single And Not Dating Is The Right Choice For You, According To Experts

(Link) 8 Signs Being Single And Not Dating Is The Right Choice For You, According To Experts

Excerpts:

For some singles, dating and pursuing relationships — either in a casual or more serious context — can be a fun and fulfilling experience.

But being single and not dating is a totally healthy lifestyle choice, too… it just isn’t one that’s often represented in our culture. Society puts a lot of pressure on singles to settle downand find “The One,” but the truth is that you should never feel obligated to pursue a romantic relationship for any reason.

 “While a healthy relationship is certainly a beautiful thing, there are also plenty of (Link): benefits to staying single as well,” Logan Cohen, LMFT-S, tells Bustle. “Someone who is single can have their immediate surroundings reflect their specific needs MUCH more consistently than if in a partnership. Single people also have a lot more time to develop their platonic social network, grow professionally, and even do their own personal growth work while not being distracted by the concerns of a partner.”

Continue reading “8 Signs Being Single And Not Dating Is The Right Choice For You, According To Experts”

Man Steals Car From Date To Go On Another Date

Man Steals Car From Date To Go On Another Date

(Link):  Memphis man ‘steals his date’s car’ to go on another one… with her GODSISTER

(Link): Man steals date’s car, then uses it for another date

(Link): Man Steals Care From Date To Go On Another Date

July 2018

A woman in Memphis says her date stole her car so that he could take out another woman.

Faith Pugh says it happened on Saturday when she went to meet Kelton Griffin for dinner.

Continue reading “Man Steals Car From Date To Go On Another Date”

The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters

The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters

(Disclaimer: I personally did not vote for anyone in the 2016 Presidential race, because I did not care for any of the candidates)

Wait. I’m confused.

Most Liberals insist other people date not based on personal preferences but on political correctness.

So, for example, pro-Trans activist Liberals yell and scream at CIS Lesbian women to date Trans women, even though many lesbians have made it clear they prefer to date other CIS (lesbian) women.

But now, liberals are not willing to date Republicans or Trump voters? They will supposedly date, or advocate that others date, people with penises who claim to be women, but they won’t date Republicans or whomever or whatever differing political persuasion? What?

(Link): The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers

Excerpts:

Trying to find love in D.C. can be tricky. If you’re a young Trump administration staffer, it might be near impossible.

GOP employees and other right-wingers have been complaining that dating in one of the most Democratic cities in America is a political minefield.

They’ve been called out, flipped off and told they are personally responsible for the death of democracy.

One 29-year-old lobbyist told Fox News that learning to date in a Trump world is “absolutely insane.”

 “It’s getting so bad,” the lobbyist, who asked to remain anonymous because she works with the administration, said.

Continue reading “The Dating Swamp: How Finding Love in DC May Be Impossible For Young Trump and GOP Staffers – Liberals Hypocritically Insist You Date Transgender Persons But Not Trump Voters”

The Unfortunate Anti-Virginity Fall-Out from Christian Misogynist Lori Alexander’s Wacky “Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos” Post – The Problem is Not Supporting Virginity, It’s Complementarianism

The Unfortunate Anti-Virginity Fall-Out from Christian Misogynist Lori Alexander’s  Wacky “Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos” Post – The Problem is Not Supporting Virginity, It’s Complementarianism

Updated:

Lori Alexander has posted this (unhelpful) clarification of her post (about “Debt Free Virgins with Tattoos”) on an ultra-conservative political forum:

(Link): Godly Men Prefer Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos – by Lori Alexander, on Free Republic

Her new aspect is to add the word “Godly” prior to the word “Men,” as if that makes it less obnoxious or wrong, but it does not.

I used to lurk at the Free Republic site, back in my more conservative days, but I’m not surprised to see most of the posters under Alexander’s post on that site actually agreeing with it.

Of course they do.

I’m still a conservative, but I’m no longer off the reservation about it, as the Freepers are on some things, like on this topic.


The Unfortunate Anti- Virginity Fall Out Due to Lori Alexander’s “Debt Free Virgin” Post

If you’d like more background to this post, and an explanation for who Lori Alexander is, please see my previous post about it here:

(Link): Reflections On Lori Alexander’s Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos

If you are new to my blog, a recap:

I am over 45 years of age and still a virgin.

I was reserving sexual activity for marriage. I’ve never had sexual intercourse. I was expecting to be married but never found Mr. Right.

I do have a libido.

Contrary to what Christians ASSUME about older virgins, Celibacy, being sexually abstinent for as long as I’ve been, is not “a gift” where God granted it to me and supernaturally removed my libido and makes it easy-breezy to cope with.

For many years, I was dedicated to remaining a virgin until marriage, due to Christian ethics, (these days I’m semi-agnostic), but also due to other reasons as well, which I shall not get into here but have explained in older posts on the blog.

In the last ten or so years, I’ve seen a disturbing trend where secular, liberal feminist views about sex have trickled into liberal Christian corners, where there is much railing against “slut shaming” and there is strong opposition to judging any woman for her sexual behavior or choices.

This trend became so common that these same views, disturbingly, began appearing on liberal Christian blogs and sites, whose progressive, feminist, Christian authors began writing editorials saying virginity is of no import, God only cares about your heart and spiritual purity, and God does not care so much anyone’s sexual behavior, (Link): intact hymen, or sexual past.

This anti- sexual purity thinking (which includes the down-playing, condemning, or mocking of physical virginity and adult celibacy) has even crept into mainstream moderate- to- conservative churches and Christian writing and thinking, unfortunately.

Continue reading “The Unfortunate Anti-Virginity Fall-Out from Christian Misogynist Lori Alexander’s Wacky “Debt Free Virgins Without Tattoos” Post – The Problem is Not Supporting Virginity, It’s Complementarianism”

Woman Sues Dating Agency After They Fail to Find Her a Rich Husband

Woman Sues Dating Agency After They Fail to Find Her a Rich Husband

I do think that some dating sites (or agencies) are guilty of what this woman claims – she said before she paid up to join, the dating agency showed her photos of eligible men that she was interested in, but once she paid them money, they didn’t match her up with those men.

Back when a friend talked me into joining dating sites, I joined one and paid for a few months. During that time, I was sent about one match per month. The minute my membership expired, the site stopped sending me matches.

This went on for a few years until I just deleted my profile on there. I think they had plenty of matches for me but didn’t want to set me up with them until and unless I paid up membership fees again.

(Link): Woman Sues Dating Agency After They Fail to Find Her a Rich Husband

June 2018

A woman is suing an ‘exclusive’ dating agency for damages after she failed to find a rich husband to have a child with.

Tereza Burki, 46, went to Seventy Thirty Ltd in a hunt for ‘possibly the man of my dreams, the father of my child’, she told The High Court.

But the divorced mum-of-three claims she was let down by the agency, which she says enticed her with extravagant marketing claims about how many ‘wealthy, eligible, available men’ it had on its books.

The management consultant is now suing the agency for return of the £12,600 membership fee she paid and additional damages for ‘distress, upset, disappointment and frustration.

The Knightsbridge-based agency – which claims on its website to be the ‘ultimate network of influential and exceptional single people’ – is is counter-suing for £75,000, claiming libel over scathing reviews she published online.

They said that out of 9,000 clients they had on their books, 70 of them fit Miss Burki’s criteria. Each of these had a ‘high net worth’ and she was offered six matches, all who were in the same age bracket and were open to having children.

Continue reading “Woman Sues Dating Agency After They Fail to Find Her a Rich Husband”

People Reveal Secrets They Never Share On A First Date

People Reveal Secrets They Never Share On A First Date

(Link):  People reveal the secrets they NEVER share on a first date – from working as a stripper to living in their mother’s basement

Excerpts:

Everyone holds back to a certain degree while testing the waters with a new potential love interest on a first date, but some are keeping bigger secrets than others.

People from around the world have taken to the anonymous secret sharing app Whisper to share the truths about themselves they don’t dare reveal when they first meet someone they like.

Continue reading “People Reveal Secrets They Never Share On A First Date”

I Want Everyone to Stop Following This Terrible Piece of Dating Advice – Single Men: Stop Telling Women ‘You Don’t Know What You’re Looking For Right Now’ by M. Del Russo

I Want Everyone to Stop Following This Terrible Piece of Dating Advice – Single Men: Stop Telling Women ‘You Don’t Know What You’re Looking For Right Now’ by M. Del Russo

(Link): I Want Everyone to Stop Following This Terrible Piece of Dating Advice by M Del Russo

Excerpts:

[Author describes how she met a guy named Paul, they exchanged numbers and texted one another to set up a date]

… And then, the night before we were set to go out, I got a text message that has become eerily familiar.

In it, Paul let me know that he was really excited to meet me, but that he didn’t really know what he was looking for right now.

He wasn’t sure he was open to a romantic relationship, but he still really wanted to meet me to see where things went.

The air immediately went out of my sails.  It wasn’t like I’d imagined running away into the sunset with Paul, but this guy was basically rejecting me before he even got to know me. He was laying down an excuse as to why he was going to bail on me emotionally in a few months.

I decided not to meet Paul after that text, and when I recounted the story to my then-coworker, she exclaimed that she’d heard it before. “It’s like someone told men to be upfront, and they’ve taken it to the hundredth degree,” she said.

Continue reading “I Want Everyone to Stop Following This Terrible Piece of Dating Advice – Single Men: Stop Telling Women ‘You Don’t Know What You’re Looking For Right Now’ by M. Del Russo”

Online Dating Lowers Self- Esteem and Increases Depression, (2018) Studies Say

Online Dating Lowers Self- Esteem and Increases Depression, (2018) Studies Say

(Link): Online Dating Lowers Self- Esteem and Increases Depression, Studies Say

Excerpts:

(CNN) Before there were smartphones, singles would often go to bars or clubs and try to meet “the One,” or at least the one for that night. Alcohol-induced courage and a steep bar tab later, singles were on top of their game or it was “game over” — until the next weekend.

…Dating apps are only growing in popularity, with no sign of slowing. Match.com has more than 7 million paid subscribers, an increase from 3.4 million in 2014. According to Tinder, the app generates 1.6 billion swipes per day, leading to 1.5 million dates (an average of one or two per user) a week.

Continue reading “Online Dating Lowers Self- Esteem and Increases Depression, (2018) Studies Say”

Tinder Murder: Boxer Killed and Dismembered Date Because She Lied About Being A Virgin

Tinder Murder: Boxer Killed and Dismembered Date Because She Lied About Being A Virgin

What a nut.

(Link): Tinder Murder: Boxer Killed and Dismembered Date Because She Liked About Being A Virgin

May 2018

Gary Chu is believed to have killed Yee-min Huang after the pair met on the dating app – before going on to kill himself.

Detectives said Chu, 28, is believed to have murdered her in a jealous rage after finding out she was not a virgin.

Officers also suspect Huang, 27, had been cheating on him at the time of the killing.

Continue reading “Tinder Murder: Boxer Killed and Dismembered Date Because She Lied About Being A Virgin”

Women Are Sharing Their Experiences of What Happened When They Rejected Men

Women Are Sharing Their Experiences of What Happened When They Rejected Men

(Link): Women Are Sharing Their Experiences of What Happened When They Rejected Men

Excerpts:

There’s been a lot in the news recently about incels and redistribution of sex. Incel = involuntarily celibate, and redistribution of sex = women being expected to shag these blokes so they don’t get all murdery about not getting laid. Completely understandably, many people took exception to this.

It takes away womens’ bodily autonomy and puts the blame on them when men become violent.

It’s also sparked a debate, with plenty of guys steaming in to say #NotAllMen and get defensive about incels being the only ones who become aggressive when rejected. Elizabeth May retaliated to this by asking the women of Twitter what their experiences had been after rejecting men.

[there are many examples on the page]

(Link): TWITTER TERROR Women reveal the most ‘frightening’ experiences they have had with men after rejecting them in a harrowing Twitter thread

Excerpts:

by Lydia Hawken

Elizabeth May has encouraged women to share their experiences in this viral Twitter thread

WOMEN all over the world are sharing their most frightening dating experiences in a Twitter thread that has had over 2,500 responses.

Continue reading “Women Are Sharing Their Experiences of What Happened When They Rejected Men”

Many Women Are Using Dating Apps To Confirm Their Attractiveness Rather Than Find A Partner, Reveals Study

 Many Women Are Using Dating Apps To Confirm Their Attractiveness Rather Than Find A Partner, Reveals Study 

(Link): Many Women Are Using Dating Apps To Confirm Their Attractiveness Rather Than Find A Partner, Reveals Study

May 2018

Many women use dating apps like Tinder and Bumble to confirm their attractiveness rather than find a partner.

New research into our swiping habits habits has found that men swipe with an eye for casual sex while girls prefer to use dating apps for an ego boost.

This is because women get a kick out of being perceived as a potential partner by other users, scientists said.

Continue reading “Many Women Are Using Dating Apps To Confirm Their Attractiveness Rather Than Find A Partner, Reveals Study”

Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner – Facebook Plans to Start Dating Service By E. Winkler

Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner – Facebook Plans to Start Dating Service By E. Winkler

(Link): Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner

Excerpts:

The search for a soul mate has become a big business. In the U.S., one in three dates now begins online. The global market for online dating services—about 500 million people—is expected to reach 672 million by 2019, according to research by Jefferies.

The business has been lucrative for the biggest player, InterActiveCorp and its listed subsidiary, Match Group, which owns Tinder, OkCupid and Match .com.

That explains why shares of IAC and Match nose-dived 20% and 25%, respectively, when Mark Zuckerberg said Facebook would enter the dating scene.

… The conventional wisdom among investors is that Facebook can do to IAC and Match what it did to Snapchat when it began Instagram Stories. There certainly are risks, but Facebook  has a tougher task in the dating game.

Continue reading “Investors Shouldn’t Be So Quick to Swipe Left on Tinder’s Owner – Facebook Plans to Start Dating Service By E. Winkler”

Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

(Link): Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help

Dear Abby:

I’m 37 and still single. I have never been able to keep a guy around very long. They have all given me different reasons, but the main theme is that I’m “too independent and better as a friend.”

I’ve kept some of my exes as friends, so there haven’t been hard feelings. I have accepted that I’m going to always be alone.

I have come to terms with it and made a fairly decent life for myself.

My issue is, everyone keeps insisting there’s someone out there for me.

Continue reading “Dear Abby: Friends Push Overweight Woman To Date But Offer No Help”

The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating

The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating

I saw one of the movie-makers for The Dating Project interviewed, and she says that this movie is promoting the idea that people start dating again.

The focus is on younger people, but I see this problem among folks over the age of 30 as well. If you are 30 or older now (as of April 2018) and grew up in a conservative Christian family or church, you were probably taught (and still taught) a bunch of dating concepts and ideas that have actually kept you single (see this post as an example).

I am over the age of 40 and have never married. I was engaged in my late 20s to my early 30s but broke up with my fiance. I have always wanted to be married, but I never found the right person.

As far as I could tell in seeing the interview with the woman film-maker of this dating movie, the assumption seems to be that being single is “second best” or weird.

Let me just say, as I’ve said many times on this blog, that on the one hand, while there is nothing wrong with being married or wanting to get married, that there is also nothing wrong with being single, and it is wrong to (Link): to denigrate singleness to promote marriage.

I’d like my desire for marriage to be respected, but at the same time, so long as I remain single, (Link): I’d also like myself and my singlehood status to be respected, not jeered, mocked, or put down by conservatives, who frequently shake their index fingers in the faces of singles like myself, and who write fear-mongering articles about how supposedly single life is so much more horrible than married life (see anything written by (Link): Bradford Wilcox or (Link): Mark Regnerus), all because they are worried about declining marriage rates.

I want to be married one day, and I don’t appreciate Christians telling me that my desire for marriage is “an idol” (for it is not), but I also do not appreciate Christians or secular talking heads on television news stations shaming singles for being single and for making singleness sound as though it’s a disease one should be ashamed of having.

Many times, conservatives (of which I am one) assume, quite wrongly, that any one who is single past the age of 30 is single deliberately. Especially if one is a single female past age 30, Christian talking heads will write blog posts or opine on television news programs that such women must have put career over marriage, or they are harpies who hate men – but this is usually not the case.

As a right wing (conservative) woman who always desired marriage, I find myself single by circumstance, not due to choice. I did not put career above dating or marriage, and so on and so forth. I find such assumptions, which are often held by other conservatives and by many Christians, deeply insulting and ask my fellow conservatives to stop making such assumptions.

The Dating Project Movie

Here are some links to articles about The Dating Project movie (a movie which I’ve only read a little bit about, I have not seen it yet):

(Link):

(Link):  From hook-ups to romance, ‘The Dating Project’ explores the one thing we all want

(Link):  BC Professor Says Traditional Dating Has Deteriorated 

(Link):  Dating 101: Film takes aim at America’s hookup culture and the death of courtship

Excerpts:

The shock of reading Laura Sessions Stepp’s 2007 book, “Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both,” hadn’t worn off when I was offered the opportunity to view an advanced screening of “The Dating Project,” a film about modern relationships that will be released nationwide—for one night only—on April 17. Both are a wake-up call for Americans, many of whom are in the dark about how dramatically dating has changed.

So dramatically, in fact, that it no longer exists. Dating is officially dead.

Continue reading “The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating”