Man Caught Up in Online Romance Scam is Robbed of $6,000 and His Cellphone

Man Caught Up in Online Romance Scam is Robbed of $6,000 and His Cellphone

(Link): Man caught up in online romance scam is robbed of $6,000 and his cellphone

Dec 27, 2022

A Los Angeles man fell victim to an online romance scam after Colombian woman he met online and traveled to meet robbed him of $6,000 and his cellphone.

Eduardo Villareal flew to the northern Caribbean coast city of Santa Marta before Christmas to meet the woman, who has not been identified, after chatting to her online for three months.

But his search for love unraveled when she and another female mugged him for his cash and cellphone at their first meeting.

Continue reading “Man Caught Up in Online Romance Scam is Robbed of $6,000 and His Cellphone”

Woman Butchered Boyfriend, Giggled While Showing Pal Dead Body: Prosecutors

Woman Butchered Boyfriend, Giggled While Showing Pal Dead Body: Prosecutors

She sounds completely delightful (< that would be sarcasm).

The murdered boyfriend had been texting a 13 year old girl – if he was grooming the teen girl, he’s not a winner, either.

(Not saying he deserved to be murdered by the girlfriend over that, but it’s also difficult for me to fall to pieces for a grown man who’s apparently hitting on a 13 year old girl.)

If you’re single and bummed out about being single – it’s better to be single than in an abusive relationship with someone who will mistreat or murder you.

(Link): Woman butchered boyfriend, giggled while showing pal dead body: prosecutors

by Olivia Land
January 20, 2023

A British woman with an interest in serial killers is accused of viciously stabbing her boyfriend to death and then giggling over his corpse during a video chat.

Shaye Groves is currently on trial for the July 17 murder of her lover, Frankie Fitzgerald, 25.

Jurors at Winchester Crown Court heard this week how the mother-of-one allegedly knifed Fitzgerald 22 times in his sleep, the Daily Mail reported.

According to prosecutors, Groves, 27, was “obsessed” with Fitzgerald’s “performance in the bedroom,” and attacked him at her home a jealous rage after she discovered he was exchanging messages with a 13-year-old girl.

Groves’ former friend, Vikki Baitup, testified that the accused killer video called her after the attack, and that she was “giggling away.”

Continue reading “Woman Butchered Boyfriend, Giggled While Showing Pal Dead Body: Prosecutors”

Dating Deal Breakers: Why You’re Being Rejected

Dating Deal Breakers: Why You’re Being Rejected

(Link): Why you were rejected: Body odor and being a ‘know-it-all’ top list of dating dealbreakers

Jan 10, 2023
by Chris Melore

LONDON — Rejection can sting, but the not-knowing why you were rejected can sting far longer. New research is shedding some light into the various reasons that people suddenly end relationships.

The strangest reasons people have called it off with a partner include them having dirty fingernails, being rude to a waiter, ugly tattoos, and being too clingy.

The poll of 2,000 British adults finds that over half (65%) have ended a relationship because of an “ick” — trait that turns them off — and 88 percent of them have ghosted someone completely.

For example, one in seven men (14%) would  happily break it off with someone who wanted to share food on a first date. Sixteen percent of women find wearing a tacky watch is an “ick,” while 15 percent judge someone else for referring to their favorite sports team as if they were part of the actual team.

It seems as if superstition may not be so welcomed by singles. Nearly one in six (15%) have called it quits with a romantic interest because they were obsessed with astrological star signs.

Continue reading “Dating Deal Breakers: Why You’re Being Rejected”

‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated (Incel) Men

‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated (Incel) Men

Before I get to the excerpts from the article, I wanted to make a few comments about it:

The “lack of empathy” these “transmaxxing” guys are complaining about is part and parcel of the very Toxic Masculinity that most conservatives claim does not exist (most conservatives don’t have an accurate understanding of what the phrase means; it does not mean that Masculinity is Toxic – it differentiates between “Good” Masculinity and “Bad” Masculinity,” with the “Bad” version receiving the moniker of “Toxic.” Also, if it matters: I myself am a conservative and am not a feminist.)

Women do not have an easier time at dating, contra to what these unlucky in love men think:
Women get approached and treated horribly in real life, in bars, and dating sites by perverts, arrogant men, and weirdos. Women sometimes get raped and/or beaten and/or murdered by men who they refuse to date or have sex with (I have a few examples on my blog, such as (Link): this one).

If these Incel men “transition” to playing pretend women, they will not be able to date lesbians (biological women), because lesbians still view people with male bodies as male – not as women. If they didn’t get sex as males who identify as men, they won’t be getting any sex as males who identify as women, either.

Also, the “sex” one may receive “as a female” will not be higher quality – I can write volumes on that.
The “Me Too” movement brought that to light – most men are only concerned with their own sexual pleasure, not with the woman’s (you can read more about that here, off site).
Any glance through literature by ex-complementarian or anti-complementarian authors also reveals that male Christians are narcissistic jack-holes who are only concerned with male sexual desires and male pleasure, and not female sexual desires or female pleasure (you can read more about that (Link): here or (Link): here).

(Link): ‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated Men

Excerpts:

by Laurel Duggan
Jan 8, 2023

[Article highlights:]

    • A large, online group of men who consider themselves involuntarily celibate, or “incels,” believe they can build better, more successful lives by transitioning to female.
    • These so-called “transmaxxers” believe society is rigged against men, particularly those who aren’t conventionally attractive, but argue that men can and should adopt female identities — even if they have never experienced gender dysphoria — in order to improve their lives and their sexual prospects.
    • “If you do not currently feel like living as a female you might have to work on fixing that,” a prominent transmaxxing advocate wrote. “Identifying as male or being emotionally attached to a male body is bad for you if being male results in you living a bad life.”

A community of men who consider themselves involuntarily celibate, or “incels,” are transitioning to the opposite sex to escape sexual rejection and improve their lives, according to numerous posts on Discord servers and other social media platforms reviewed by the Daily Caller News Foundation.

While many transgender advocates argue that one’s sense of gender is innate, unchangeable and largely unrelated to one’s biological sex, members of the online “transmaxxer” community encourage one another to transition for personal gain, often regardless of whether they have gender identity issues.

By undergoing cross-sex hormones and identifying as female, transmaxxers argue men can improve their sex lives, access a new dating pool and escape the perceived hardships of being a man.

Continue reading “‘Transmaxxing’: Meet The Online Community Encouraging Gender Transitions For Sexually Frustrated (Incel) Men”

Drug Addict Savagely Murdered Partner, Her Two Children and Sleepover Friend With Claw Hammer, Raped One Child Victim Repeatedly as She Died

Drug Addict Savagely Murdered Partner, Her Two Children and Sleepover Friend With Claw Hammer, Raped One Child Victim Repeatedly as She Died

This guy is a total piece of garbage.

This took place in Europe. Forget jail time, this guy should be tortured by authorities for hours on end and then shot in the face and killed.

There are times it is better to be single than in a relationship. This is one of those times.

(Link): Drug addict savagely murdered partner, her two children and sleepover friend with claw hammer

Damien Bendall has been handed a whole-life sentence for murdering Terri Harris, her children Lacey and John Paul Bennett, and Connie Gent

by Jack Hardy
Dec 21, 2022

A drug addict savagely murdered his pregnant partner, her two children and a school friend who was sleeping over before raping one of the girls as she lay dying, a court has heard.

Damien Bendall launched the apparently motiveless, cocaine-fuelled attack with a claw hammer at the home of his girlfriend, Terri Harris, in Killamarsh, Derbyshire, in Sept 2021.

Continue reading “Drug Addict Savagely Murdered Partner, Her Two Children and Sleepover Friend With Claw Hammer, Raped One Child Victim Repeatedly as She Died”

I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz

I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz

I feel for this lady. This man who contacted her on this dating app sounds like a narcissistic, arrogant, entitled douche.

This woman doesn’t strike me as being like the entitled, obese, progressive “body positivity” or “fat acceptance” women who say bizarre things – like dieting is a part of white supremacy – and who demand that thin men date them.

The woman in the story below does appear to be on the large size (there were photos of her on the page), but she doesn’t have an entitled “attitude,” so, IMO, the guy who texted her back was being unnecessarily rude about the whole thing – he’s also a flaming A-hole and someone should kick him in the balls repeatedly for how he thinks about women, and how he treated this particular woman.

Amended this post to add the following observations:
The article says she met this guy on a “Christian” dating app (Plenty of Fish). I want to educate the married Christians out there, who keep hyping “Christian dating sites” to their lonely heart single friends: stop doing it because “Christian dating sites” are also filled with jerks, abusers, and rapists.

Years ago, I was on a few dating web sites, one of which was considered to be “Christian,” and the so-called self professing Christian men on those sites who approached me were gross, their profiles were peppered with inappropriate sexual talk
– I may blog here about sexual topics (and get quite frank about it), but when I’m on a dating site, I don’t want to see sex jokes or smutty humor on a guy’s profile, nor do I openly and frankly discuss sex-related stuff on any of my old dating site profiles, nor did I engage in “smutty” humor talk with any of the men who contacted me (I kept things clean).

There have been news stories in the last ten years of MARRIED Christian men (with HIV and AIDS) who lie and say they’re single and then meet single women on dating sites, some of which are “Christian” dating sites.

There was a serial rapist who said he was a Christian to women he met on dating sites, but once he’d get to know them and then meet them in person, he’d rape them (here’s one post on my blog about that).

So… secular and “Christian” dating sites and dating apps are not guarantees for meeting quality, up-standing, loving men. Meaning, you idiot Christian married couples out there need to stop dishing out the simplistic advice of “Just join Plenty of Fish or eHarmony to get a Christian spouse!” – we singles have tried that, and for a lot of us, those sites have NOT worked.

(Link): I liked a ‘high-value’ man’s photo on a dating app — he rejected me because I’m ‘fat’

Dec 8, 2022
By Adriana Diaz

A plus-size mom claims she was harassed last month by a man on a dating app with self-proclaimed “above average” looks and “high values.”

“It was so ridiculous that it was comical,” Krista Brown told Kennedy News.

Brown, 36, said she downloaded the Christian dating app Plenty of Fish in November after being single for three years. She was unprepared for the cringeworthy communications she said she received from a match who turned out to be a mismatch.

The Minnesota budget support specialist recalled thinking the cyberspace Casanova was “kind of cute” despite his “pathetic mustache.” She claims she swiped right, but didn’t message him. She says the unidentified man reached out to her — in a big way.

“He sent me a whole huge, long paragraph asking why I think I’m worthy of dating him, and what do I bring to the equation? He had a very condescending tone. He was so absolutely ridiculous,” she lamented.

Continue reading “I Liked A ‘High-Value’ Man’s Photo on a Dating App – He Rejected Me Because I’m ‘Fat’ by A. Diaz”

A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison

A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison

Christians really set women up to make easy targets for the man in this news story, and Christians, with their “gender complementarian” teachings, pressure women to stay IN relationships with dishonest, manipulative trash like this, if the woman marries the guy.

Christians, by and large, are naive, and the way they teach believers, especially girls and women, to live life, makes them very susceptible to being taken in by scammers.

(Link): STOLE HER HEART Inside heartless crimes of ‘fake Romeo’ Patrick Giblin likened to Tinder Swindler who scammed hundreds out of thousands 

(Link): Police say this dude presented himself as a rich, suave Romeo to con dozens of women out of more than $250,000

(Link): A fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, charmed more than 100 women with promises of romance, then scammed them. Now he’s going to prison

by Faith Karimi, CNN
Dec 10, 2022

Patrick Giblin was like the American version of the “Tinder Swindler” – but without the private jets.

He wooed women with stories about his respectable family – his father was a judge, he said – and beachfront property in Atlantic City, New Jersey, where he said he worked in the casino industry, according to a federal criminal complaint. He told them he was ready to settle down and was more interested in a woman’s inner beauty than her outward appearance.

He vowed that distance was not an issue because he had access to discount flights and was even ready to move to a woman’s city to further their romance.

But federal officials say those were all lies, concocted to swindle women looking for love through dating sites. A review of plea agreements and federal complaints show that Giblin conned at least 100 women over two decades, coaxing them out of more than $250,000 with false promises followed by requests for short-term loans that were never repaid.

“He preyed on vulnerabilities, promising to end the loneliness of a woman who had recently ended a long-term relationship or soothing someone who recently suffered the death of a loved one,” said a report by federal prosecutors in New Jersey. “Giblin would convince these women that he was willing to relocate to their locales but needed money wired to do so.”

Continue reading “A Fake Romeo, Patrick Giblin, Charmed More Than 100 Women with Promises of Romance, Then Scammed Them. Now He’s Going to Prison”

Guy Cheats On His Wife And Divorces Her, Expects Her To Mother His Kids From The Affair After His Second Wife’s Death

Guy Cheats On His Wife And Divorces Her, Expects Her To Mother His Kids From The Affair After His Second Wife’s Death

So what we have here is a guy who had an affair on his first wife.

(A sixteen year old girl wrote in asking for advice about all this. This guy she’s talking about is her father.)

This guy and Wife 1 had two children together, a boy and a girl.

Wife 1 divorced him (or he divorced her), and the guy married his mistress, who became Wife 2, “Kate.” 

The guy and Kate had two kids together, “Ellie” and “Tommy.”

Ellie was a product of the guy’s affair – that is, while this guy was married to Wife 1, he committed adultery with Kate, and Kate got knocked up with Ellie. Tommy, the boy, was born AFTER the guy married Kate.

After X number of years of marriage, Kate died. 

Now, the two kids of Kate and the guy (Ellie and Tommy) miss their mother and miss having a maternal figure in their lives, and they – and the ex Husband (their biological father) – are now demanding that Wife 1 act as their mother and start including them in holidays, “babying” them, acting maternal towards them, and what not.

Wife 1 and her kids from the first marriage want nothing to do with this arrangement. (And I don’t blame them.)

If I remember right, Kate’s family cut ties with Kate and the guy and their two kids (Ellie and Tommy) because they were upset, offended, or angry that Kate was a mistress who stole this guy away from his first wife. 

Look, I feel for those kids (Ellie and Tommy). It has to be difficult to lose your mother especially at a young age, but it’s not Wife 1’s responsibility to step up to the plate to “mother” the two kids popped out by Former Mistress Kate (who became Wife 2). 

I think that the dad (the ex husband) is entitled here – very entitled. It’s bad enough this ass hat cheated on Wife 1 with Kate, but he’s also now demanding that Wife 1 take over “mother” duties for the kids he and Kate had together.

Let me tell you – if you’re a single woman on a dating site or app, watch out for things like this.

Dating a parent (a person with children from a previous marriage) can be a huge mistake. This guy is probably on dating apps and sites right now, seeking Wife 3, or, if he’s not on dating sites now, he will probably join one in the future.

On any of his dating site profiles, he will probably omit that he lost Wife 1 via divorce due to his affair with “Kate.” He’ll leave that out, and just expect YOU to baby and take care of his children by Kate.

Avoid guys like this. Avoid, avoid, avoid. It’s better to stay single than get mixed up in taking on responsibilities and selfish, irresponsible, entitled ass clowns like this guy.

It’s not Wife 1’s job or duty to be a care taker and/or free therapist to his two children by Kate who are probably in the grieving process.

This father in this example needs to be spending time with both his children, attending to their emotional needs as they are grieving their mother. He also probably needs to take them each to separate, regular therapy sessions for a couple of years, so they can talk and cry to a therapist and work through their grief.

He may also want to try signing them up for free Grief Share meetings, that tend to meet regularly at churches around the nation (Grief Share meetings are free). They can sit in a circle of other people and talk through their feelings of loss and get their emotional needs met that way.

I do feel bad for the kids who are currently around ages 9 and 11. At that age, all they know is, their real mom is gone, they are grieving her, and they are wanting a maternal figure they can go to.

From their perspective, they aren’t going to see why it’s a big deal for the step-mom to step up and act as their mother now. I can totally understand from THEIR view why and how they can feel that way.

It’s a sad situation… because from the adult perspective, the step-mother owes the 9 and 11 year old nothing, but the kids are going to have a difficult time understanding or accepting that. The choice is hers, the adult woman, as to whether or not take on the role of acting like a maternal figure to them.

Sounds to me as though this guy is selfish and doesn’t want to do any parenting; he just wants to dump the two kids off at the ex-wife’s (Wife 1’s) house and have her cater to them as they cry and weep over their dead mom.

If this guy wants his second batch of two kids to have a mother, he needs to get re-married. It’s not the responsibility of Wife 1 to “act as a mother figure” to his second set of kids by his mistress Kate. That this guy would even THINK this is acceptable is a clue to me he’s probably a narcissist. 

This dad should stop using his 16 year old daughter by Wife 1 as a pawn in all this. He’s going to her, the teen daughter, to get her to try to convince Wife 1 to be a mother figure to his second set of kids. 

Also: notice how being married and a father did NOT make this man more ethical, responsible, mature, or godly.

(Link): Guy Cheats On His Wife And Divorces Her, Expects Her To Mother His Kids From The Affair After His Second Wife’s Death

Excerpts (the site summarizes the story while also providing screen shots of the original poster’s text):

by Konstancija Gasaitytė and Monika Pašukonytė

…Despite thinking that family is something that makes us feel safe and secure, sometimes because of certain twists and turns, it tends to fall apart.

Having this in mind, Reddit user @u/Affectionate_Kick521 decided to share the situation she found herself in that involved her parents and siblings.

The story which received more than 12k upvotes soon started a discussion online about how parents should behave in situations like this and how kids shouldn’t be the ones telling their parents how to deal with difficult circumstances. 

[Their source: (Link): AITA for saying I don’t care if my half siblings feel left out because it’s not my mom’s job to mother them?]

The 16-year-old author of the post started her story by sharing that she lived with her mom, dad, and her brother until it was revealed that her dad was having an affair.

After the news broke out, the man and his wife divorced and he went to live with and eventually marry the other woman, Kate.

Together they had two kids: 11-year-old Ellie and 9-year-old Tommy. After a year, Kate died and this is when all the problems started.

Continue reading “Guy Cheats On His Wife And Divorces Her, Expects Her To Mother His Kids From The Affair After His Second Wife’s Death”

California Man, 25, Found Dead After He Went on a Date With a Woman He Met on Tinder – He Was Drugged, Robbed and Killed After Meeting a Date

California Man, 25, Found Dead After He Went on a Date With a Woman He Met on Tinder – He Was Drugged, Robbed and Killed After Meeting a Date

(Link): California man, 25, found dead in Colombia after he went on a date with a woman he met on Tinder – his family says he was drugged, robbed and killed after meeting a date

Nov 16, 2022

A 27-year-old man from California was found dead on a Colombia street after going on a date with a woman he met on Tinder.

Paul Nguyen, of Orange County, flew for the first time to Medellín with one of his friends on November 6 and was murdered four days later.

He is the 25th foreign tourist murdered in Medellín this year.

His sister, Amy Nguyen, told KABC that he logged on to his Tinder account and went on a date with a woman last Wednesday.

Continue reading “California Man, 25, Found Dead After He Went on a Date With a Woman He Met on Tinder – He Was Drugged, Robbed and Killed After Meeting a Date”

Police Hunt for ‘Dating App Predator’ After Woman’s Death – He Used Match.com

Police Hunt for ‘Dating App Predator’ After Woman’s Death – He Used Match.com

(Update below: He was arrested)

(Link): Wisconsin police issue warning about man using dating apps to victimize women

by Pilar Arias

Police in Wisconsin issued another warning about a man they say is using dating apps to victimize women.

A news release by Racine Police Department Monday links Timothy Olson, 52, to another woman in a bar who fell unconscious while in his presence.

The incident happened last Thursday, and officials say this is now the third woman that they know of who ended up in a similar situation.

“The Racine Police Department would like to caution the women in Racine County and get the public’s help in locating a male subject who has met women on dating apps and victimizes them, resulting in financial loss,” the release reads.

Continue reading “Police Hunt for ‘Dating App Predator’ After Woman’s Death – He Used Match.com”

It Is Now 40% More Expensive to Be Single and Dating Than It Was a Decade Ago – Singles Are Now Infla-Dating

It Is Now 40% More Expensive to Be Single and Dating Than It Was a Decade Ago – Singles Are Now Infla-Dating

(Link): If You’re Looking For Love Right Now, You’re Probably ‘Infla-Dating’

(Link):  ‘Infla-dating’ is making cheap dates trendy 

Behind a pay wall:

(Link): Being a Cheap Date Is Suddenly a Major Plus

For many people, the big question these days is less about who pays, and more about how much

(Link): Dating costs are up—more people are paying for Tinder and Hinge anyway

(Link): Dating is tough and apparently more expensive than ever

(Link): It Is Now 40% More Expensive to be Single and Dating Than It Was a Decade Ago

Excerpts:

by C. Lang

The 2022 Match Singles in America report found that people in the U.S. are spending $117.4 billion on dating every year.

Nov 16, 2022

… This year, inflation hit a 40-year high, a reality that singles, who don’t get the tax breaks available to married people or the benefits of a two-income home, are feeling.

According to the 2022 Match Singles in America report, released this week, the top three stressors for singles right now are all related to finances: the impact of inflation, the state of the economy, and their long-term financial futures. (This was true for all generations except Gen Z, which reported being primarily stressed by mental health.)

In Match’s 12th annual report, researchers surveyed 5,000 single people between the ages of 18 and 98 across the U.S., and found that they are spending $117.4 billion on dating every year. That breaks down to about $130 each month or $1,560 each year per person—which is 40% more than what singles spent on their dating lives a decade ago.

Continue reading “It Is Now 40% More Expensive to Be Single and Dating Than It Was a Decade Ago – Singles Are Now Infla-Dating”

Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Danger of Victimhood Mentality

Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Dangers of Victimhood Mentality

I wanted to explain a few things before I paste in excerpts from the article about victimhood by Gunderman, so nobody will misunderstand my views upfront.

I do think there are actual victims out there in life, including in the Christian church context. I am not denying that.

I recognize that sometimes painful or unfair things happen to all of us in life, and sometimes those painful things are due to other people’s cruelty, incompetence, negligence, or sins against us, and not due to any personal moral failings or choices we make.

Sometimes bad things happen to good people through no fault of those people. One can be more sinned against than sinner.

A few years ago, there was a guy on Twitter with several accounts (he seemed to be a Christian), all of which were disgustingly used to mock victims of church abuse or of sexual abuse whose churches tried to cover up the abuse.

I think he later deleted these accounts, or his accounts received so many complaints from others that Twitter deleted them all.

One of his Twitter accounts used the name “Victim Princess,” as if to suggest that any and all women who spoke out against abuse they received by their churches or by Christians was nothing but entitled, petty whining with no merit. I was appalled by his account.

This guy would do things like actually tweet rude or nasty comments at Christian women on Twitter who discussed how their church covered up their abuse by other church members.

Politically, I am a conservative, and I do not agree with the vast majority of liberal or progressive “woke,” intersectional identity politics, which is largely based on victimhood mentality.

In progressive identity politics, different identity groups end up competing for “who is the most oppressed and biggest victim in life,” which creates (not solves) all sorts of problems.

However, while I do think that the “woke” go over-board with their grievance culture mentality, that does not mean that people who complain about having been hurt in life are always lying, exaggerating, or trying to get special accommodations.

Out of Knee Jerk Dislike of Wokeness, Among Other Factors, Sadly, Too Often, Too Many Conservatives Minimize Actual Abuse

While some progressives over-play the “victim card” to exploit and manipulate others, it is still wrong for conservatives to deny, minimize, or to reject altogether that churches do usually cover up sexual abuse in their midst or by their members.

It is wrong for conservatives to fail to acknowledge the reality that most pastors and churches do in fact fail domestic abuse victims and constantly enable abusers.

I do think that most churches are insensitive and incompetent at handling abuse among their members, and that should change.

There is such a thing as a victim. People can be exploited, hurt, and abused by other people – that is not something that “woke” liberals and progressives are making up.

I’m a conservative who has been taken advantage of and bullied through my life by school mates, my ex fiance, siblings, co-workers on jobs, etc., and this through no fault of my own.

Victims do actually exist.

Conservatives can and have been abused and mistreated on an individual and group level, whether by liberal and progressive persons and policies, or by their spouses or bosses on jobs.

At one time or another, we’ve all been bullied, abused, harassed, exploited, or on the receiving end of rude or cutting comments, regardless of our identity or political beliefs.

It is therefore unrealistic and cruel for conservatives to act like any and every person who claims victim status is a sensitive snowflake or is lying about it.

Flip Side of Coin: People Who Choose to Stay in Victimhood Status (yes, it’s ultimately a choice), Refuse to Move Forward

However, I have seen people, and groups of people, who – whether they are actual victims or not – wallow in victimhood status and victimhood mentality, and this is not acceptable, either.

Some of those still participating in the “exvangelical” (ex-evangelical) tag over on Twitter in 2022, which has been going on for several years now, are one example of this.

I’ve seen so many people, under that “exvangelical” tag,  as well as non-ex-evangelical people I once befriended online,
or people (including family members I’ve had, real life friends and co-workers) who may have been honestly victimized and wounded in childhood or adulthood, but they remain “stuck” in their rage, anger, and hurt – they still think of themselves as victims, and they want to be viewed as victims.

They want to be endlessly coddled and validated.

These are people who are very resistant to, or who refuse to take, the only avenue out of the pain, regret, anger, and disappointment and into joy, peace, and happiness – which includes, after a period of grieving and anger (that comes to an end and does not go on indefinitely),

  • accepting, once for all, what happened to them,
    realizing that remaining focused on external causes and other people (ie, their abuser or abusive church) is keeping them “stuck,”
  • to make a deliberate decision at some point to move forward, whether they “feel like it” or not
    (i.e., to no longer stew in anger, to ruminate, stew in past wrongs done against them, to dwell on how life is unfair, to dwell upon the idea they are a good person who didn’t deserve the abuse, etc),
  • to realize in order to change their life for the better, they will have to look inwards,
    which will allow them to get to the next healing point…
  • take personal responsibility for their life, healing,
    and realize if you want your life to change,
    you will have to get active and make changes yourself
    – sitting around all day doing things like watching TV or complaining to people on social media about how life, your former church, God, or your abuser, treated you so unfairly
    (even if any and all those things are in fact true, ie, you WERE treated horribly and unfairly)
    – won’t ultimately help you in the long run, it won’t make the necessary changes;
    complaining frequently, and receiving validation that, yes, what happened to you was horrible and wrong, and yes, you were a victim who didn’t deserve abuse, will only offer temporary emotional relief but will not produce long lasting inner peace and happiness

Stewing in anger, hurt, and regret and enjoying or wanting to receive validation that one did not deserve to be abused, is all but a step in the overall journey of healing.
It is the first step… but too many victims want to stay in Step One forever and ever, rather than moving through the rest of the steps.

Yes, there should be time limits on how long you are angry, ruminating, and upset and wanting to receive validation – a lot of therapists and victims (and former victims) get upset when this view point is stated, but it’s true.

Maybe that time limit is different for each victim and should not be rushed – which is fine.

HOWEVER, I do not support any person staying mired in “victimhood land” perpetually.

Staying in step one – never getting over or past the anger and hurt, refusing to let go or from even considering to do so, being addicted to external validation like it’s a drug one craves and needs – is one huge component of what keeps people trapped in depression, anger, pain, and from enjoying the rest of their life.

If you feel perpetually wounded, hurt, or angry, as long as you keep shifting blame towards those outside you (even if yes, those others deserve that blame), as long as you continue to dwell on being angry at your abuser, at God, life circumstances, or former churches that treated you like trash, you’ll never be able to move on and enjoy life again.

You have to look inwards in order to move forward, and that is a choice one has to make, because it won’t instantaneously happen.

Furthermore, your emotions will never magically change on their own; you will never “feel” like getting up, making changes, and moving forward. It’s a matter or choice and self discipline.

So if your mindset is, “I will make changes and move on when I feel like it, when my emotions change,” that is never going to happen.

Moving on is more a matter of will.

While I do think there are actual victims out there (and anti-woke conservatives need to be sensitive to these persons),
I’m also aware of legitimate victims who cannot or who refuse to move on,

-and there are persons with Covert or Vulnerable Narcissism (a personality disorder – more about that on this blog (Link): here and (Link): here), a hallmark of which is holding a life-long self-pitying, victimhood mentality – these people, of their own accord, are mired in depression and misery of their own making, because they refuse to look inwards and take personal responsibility.

Covert Narcissists, for one, prefer to point the finger of blame for their misery at their family of origin, God, and / or their former church, ex-spouses, and so on. They never want to look at how their attitudes or actions keep them in a limited, unhappy situation.

Sorry for that very long intro, but I didn’t want anyone to get to the following link and excerpts and think by posting it that I am in denial that yes, at times in life, sometimes people have legitimate pain and grievances and can be honest to goodness victims.

I do believe there are honest- to- goodness victims out there and that these victims deserve compassion, empathy, and justice,
but – however –
I am also aware that, unfortunately, some people, whether legitimate victim or not, will milk and exploit a “victim” label to lash out at others, to demand special treatment (at the expense of others), and that  clinging to a “victim” identity and view of themselves will cause them to remain stuck in unhappiness.

I have more commentary below this link with excerpts:

Pathologies of Victimhood – the Essay

(Link): Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – Victimhood Mentality

Excerpts:

by Richard Gunderman
November 13, 2022

[Piece opens by discussing the late Sacheen Littlefeather, who claimed to be a Native American but who was actually of Mexican descent. She wanted to be viewed as a Native American to depict herself as an undertrodden member of a victim class.
As someone who actually is part Native American, I don’t view myself as a victim, so I find her ploy strange]

…Everyone has experienced genuine victimization at some point in their lives. Some have been the victims of political persecution and violent assault, while others have suffered lesser slights, such as bullying, verbal insults, and interruptions when speaking.

Most of us have also experienced situations where presumed victimhood stemmed from a mistaken assumption—for example, a driver who “cut off” a fellow motorist by abruptly changing lanes might appear to harbor malicious intent, but it might turn out that he was merely attempting to get to the hospital as quickly as possible to be with an ailing loved one.

Some among us, however, have a habit of adopting a posture of victimhood too easily and too often, a tendency that can damage communities, interpersonal relationships, and supposed victims themselves.

Continue reading “Pathologies of Victimhood by R. Gunderman – The Danger of Victimhood Mentality”