The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating

The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating

I saw one of the movie-makers for The Dating Project interviewed, and she says that this movie is promoting the idea that people start dating again.

The focus is on younger people, but I see this problem among folks over the age of 30 as well. If you are 30 or older now (as of April 2018) and grew up in a conservative Christian family or church, you were probably taught (and still taught) a bunch of dating concepts and ideas that have actually kept you single (see this post as an example).

I am over the age of 40 and have never married. I was engaged in my late 20s to my early 30s but broke up with my fiance. I have always wanted to be married, but I never found the right person.

As far as I could tell in seeing the interview with the woman film-maker of this dating movie, the assumption seems to be that being single is “second best” or weird.

Let me just say, as I’ve said many times on this blog, that on the one hand, while there is nothing wrong with being married or wanting to get married, that there is also nothing wrong with being single, and it is wrong to (Link): to denigrate singleness to promote marriage.

I’d like my desire for marriage to be respected, but at the same time, so long as I remain single, (Link): I’d also like myself and my singlehood status to be respected, not jeered, mocked, or put down by conservatives, who frequently shake their index fingers in the faces of singles like myself, and who write fear-mongering articles about how supposedly single life is so much more horrible than married life (see anything written by (Link): Bradford Wilcox or (Link): Mark Regnerus), all because they are worried about declining marriage rates.

I want to be married one day, and I don’t appreciate Christians telling me that my desire for marriage is “an idol” (for it is not), but I also do not appreciate Christians or secular talking heads on television news stations shaming singles for being single and for making singleness sound as though it’s a disease one should be ashamed of having.

Many times, conservatives (of which I am one) assume, quite wrongly, that any one who is single past the age of 30 is single deliberately. Especially if one is a single female past age 30, Christian talking heads will write blog posts or opine on television news programs that such women must have put career over marriage, or they are harpies who hate men – but this is usually not the case.

As a right wing (conservative) woman who always desired marriage, I find myself single by circumstance, not due to choice. I did not put career above dating or marriage, and so on and so forth. I find such assumptions, which are often held by other conservatives and by many Christians, deeply insulting and ask my fellow conservatives to stop making such assumptions.

The Dating Project Movie

Here are some links to articles about The Dating Project movie (a movie which I’ve only read a little bit about, I have not seen it yet):

(Link):

(Link):  From hook-ups to romance, ‘The Dating Project’ explores the one thing we all want

(Link):  BC Professor Says Traditional Dating Has Deteriorated 

(Link):  Dating 101: Film takes aim at America’s hookup culture and the death of courtship

Excerpts:

The shock of reading Laura Sessions Stepp’s 2007 book, “Unhooked: How Young Women Pursue Sex, Delay Love and Lose at Both,” hadn’t worn off when I was offered the opportunity to view an advanced screening of “The Dating Project,” a film about modern relationships that will be released nationwide—for one night only—on April 17. Both are a wake-up call for Americans, many of whom are in the dark about how dramatically dating has changed.

So dramatically, in fact, that it no longer exists. Dating is officially dead.

Continue reading “The Dating Project: A Documentary Movie About Singleness and Dating”

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‘So Can You F*ck?’: What It’s Like to Online Date With a Disability by S. Kim

So Can You F*ck?’: What It’s Like to Online Date With a Disability by S. Kim

I deplore crass and vulgar language up front from men on dating sites.

There is no way I’d even consider dating a guy who uses a phrase such as “can you f-ck” when contacting me on a dating site. Men who talk like this, and who see nothing wrong with it, are garbage.

If you are absolutely dead set on learning if someone with a physical disability can get it on, there are far less crude and offensive ways of inquiring. And I would think it’s extremely tacky to inquire on a first or second contact.

(Link): ‘So Can You F*ck?’: What It’s Like to Online Date With a Disability

Excerpts:

Most people have experienced rejection, but it never gets easier when it’s based on something about yourself that you can’t control or change.

by S. Kim

It’s not news that lots of women receive ridiculous and misogynistic messages on dating apps, especially on Tinder. But as a 22-year-old with cerebral palsy, I get one at least twice a week.

“So can you f*ck?”

“But you look normal in your pictures.”

Since I rely on my wheelchair only for transport and can walk independently, I don’t have that many pictures of myself in it. I live in this in-between area where my disability isn’t that severe but is still noticeable.

Continue reading “‘So Can You F*ck?’: What It’s Like to Online Date With a Disability by S. Kim”

Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity” by Princess Weekes

Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity” by Princess Weekes

In my several years of blogging here about sexually related topics – celibacy and virginity included – this is only about the third or fourth article I’ve seen by liberals (this site I quote below, The Mary Sue, leans left) discouraging “virgin shaming,” and encouraging women to remain virgins if they want to.

Respecting virginity is very rare these days – virginity usually gets mocked – and this is especially true of liberal feminists, but even right wingers and conservative Christians are pretty bad about this subject.

I’ve never understood how “sex positive” feminists can hold such a double standard – they run about insisting that culture respects any and all female decisions regarding sex, but they always make an exception regarding virginity. Like (Link): this, for example. Many “sex positive” feminists are just fine with ridiculing women who are virgins by choice.

(Link):  Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity”

by Princess Weekes

Feelings about sex and virginity are very individualized. Everyone matures at a different level, and even though we claim to live in a sex-positive era, there is still a level of judgment when it comes to people who are virgins.

Continue reading “Annie Murphy’s Sex and Relationship Column Gives Some Fantastic Advice About “Losing Your Virginity” by Princess Weekes”

Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time

Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time

I’ve done more than one post on this blog high-lighting and explaining how and why the Christian insistence on the “equally yoked” rule in regards to marriage leaves many marriage-minded Christian single women single over a life time.

If you are a Christian single woman who wants to marry,  take it from me, who was once a very committed Christian who was “relying on the Lord” for a husband (and yes, I even tried dating sites at one time), you have to take marriage where you can find it, even if that means marrying a Non-Christian.

There are simply not as many single Christian men as there are women, and the Christian single men who exist may (Link): not be marriage material, to under-state things.

You really have to look at a man’s character, not what religious label he slaps on to himself. An atheist man, or a Jewish man, or a guy who practices Wicca, or what have you, may treat you better than a guy who says he’s a Christian and who also attends church regularly.

(Link): Greg Laurie Tells Christian Woman in Long-Term Relationship With Nonbeliever: ‘Break Up With Him!’

April 2018

Pastor Greg Laurie of Harvest Christian Fellowship in California recently advised a Christian woman who’s in a long-term relationship with a nonbeliever that she should break up with him.

Continue reading “Pastor Greg Laurie’s Promotion of Equally Yoked Rule in Regards to Marriage Plays Role in Why So Many Christian Women Remain Single Over a Life Time”

The Latest Relationship Trend is ‘Slow Dating’ — and It’s a Recoil from Years of Swiping Through Apps

(Link):  The Latest Relationship Trend is ‘Slow Dating’ — and It’s a Recoil from Years of Swiping Through Apps

-Dating apps are starting to offer fewer, more curated matches.

-The dating app Once, for example, recently launched in the US, and delivers users just one match per day.

-Limiting your options could be the smartest move when it comes to dating, since having too many options can make it harder to choose anyone.

You could call it the rise of “slow dating.”

Since the debut of dating apps — Tinder launched in 2012 — they’ve been all about speed, a suitor a second. Once you created an account, your relationship prospects depended almost exclusively on how fast you could move your thumb.

Now, that appears to be changing.

Continue reading “The Latest Relationship Trend is ‘Slow Dating’ — and It’s a Recoil from Years of Swiping Through Apps”

Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry

The “equally yoked” rule really makes no sense for single adult Christians, especially Christian women who’d like to marry, since (Link): so many self professing Christian men – even ones who read their Bibles daily or attend church weekly or work as pastors – are sexual deviants, wife abusers, or adulterers.

My parents taught me to seek out good mate material at local churches, because they felt the quality of people would be better at a church, as opposed to going to a bar to get dates with men.

However, I’ve seen far too many news stories of self professed Christian men who beat their wives, molest kids, or have been arrested for soliciting sex with animals, to think that Christian men are any more quality or safer than Non-Christian men. I also fail to see how churches are any safer to meet dates than a bar.

The whole post by Deborah Brunt is very good, but I only wanted to quote from part of it in my post:

(Link): Be wary of churches breaking the silence by Deborah Brunt

Excerpts:

[How churches and typical Christian preachers deal with sexual abuse in their churches]

Pastor-Man offers simple solutions for sexual abuse.

He calls men to be pure. He makes no distinction between the temptation to sexual sin, which both genders face, and the lifestyle of strong deception, sexual domination and violence that male abusers deliberately adopt.

Continue reading “Abusers Hide In Churches – Equally Yoked Does Not Help Single Christian Women Who’d Like to Marry”

Tips For Defensive Dating, Including Warning Signs that You Could Be The Target Of An Online Romance Scam – From the WSJ

Tips For Defensive Dating, Including Warning Signs that You Could Be The Target Of An Online Romance Scam – From the WSJ

(Link):  Tips For Defensive Dating, Including Warning Signs that You Could Be The Target Of An Online Romance Scam

Excerpts:

Here are tips for defensive dating, including warning signs that you could be the target of an online romance scam

ByKatherine Bindley

March 15, 2018 11:55 a.m. ET14 COMMENTS

More and more people are looking for love online. A large chunk are those age 50 to 64, and dating services aimed at baby boomers are expected to grow the most over the next five years.

You know who else is prowling around websites and apps, looking to score? Scammers.

Last year, more than 15,000 victims lost some $210 million in “confidence frauds” and romance scams, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Know Where Scammers Lurk
Scammers don’t limit their hunting grounds to old-school dating sites like Match.com. They’re trolling for victims on any number of apps, even ones that aren’t associated with dating, such as the Scrabble-like online social game Words With Friends, according to the Better Business Bureau’s Scam Tracker.

Continue reading “Tips For Defensive Dating, Including Warning Signs that You Could Be The Target Of An Online Romance Scam – From the WSJ”

Face of Anti-Gay Trump Dating Website Is A Convicted Child Abuser

Face of Anti-Gay Trump Dating Website Is A Convicted Child Abuser

(Link): Face of Anti-Gay Trump Dating Website Is A Convicted Child Abuser

Feb 2018

The face of an anti-gay dating app for Donald Trump supporters is a pedophile who was convicted of filming himself having sex with a 15 year-old girl.

Barrett Riddleberger’s smirk is what greets visitors to Trump.dating, a match-making site for Trump-supporters to connect with one another – as long as they’re straight.

But despite Riddleberger’s apparent distaste for the sexual preferences of consenting adults, WRAL revealed he is a pervert with a felony conviction for ‘taking indecent liberties with a minor’ by making the sex tape in 1995, when he was 25.

Continue reading “Face of Anti-Gay Trump Dating Website Is A Convicted Child Abuser”

Guy is Dating Button Pusher (Dear Abby)

This letter comes from the same series of letters I quoted from in a post the other day.

This guy wrote to Dear Abby saying:

Dear Abby

• I am currently in a relationship that’s great except for one thing. She knows what “buttons” to push to make me angry, and she’ll continue to push them.

No matter what I do, she’s in my face. It just seems she wants to argue until I reach the point of exploding.

Continue reading “Guy is Dating Button Pusher (Dear Abby)”

Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely

Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely

This post has been edited to add even more reader comments from other sites that published this Abby letter. Virtually nobody is sympathetic with this guy.


I was genuinely feeling empathy and sympathy for this dude, right up until this phrase in his letter to Dear Abby:

I’m not attracted to women my age, and I don’t see younger women being attracted to an overweight old guy…”

Die alone, ageist rat bastard!

You’re in your 70s, by your own admission, you’re dumpy- or tubby- looking and don’t have a great income, but you pine after some 20, 30, or 40 or 50 year old hottie? (And I bet this sexist pig jerk expects any chick he dates to not only be younger but very thin, too.)

Oh get bent, ten times over!

Continue reading “Dear Abby: I Gave Up Dating, and 30 Years Later, I’m Lonely”

My Thoughts Regarding the Article The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith

My Thoughts Regarding the Article The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith

This was an article or a series of excerpts by some up and coming book about singleness. Here are some of my thoughts about it.

(Link):  The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith

A few points where I agree with the article: yes, as one gets older (assuming one wants marriage), one feels more and more pressure, and it gets stressful or sad to see one’s peers getting married off while one is still single. Yes, dating can be horrible and exhausting.

I get the feeling that Ms. Smith is in her 20s or 30s, and her article (or book) is perhaps aimed at younger singles.

I’m in between the ages of 45 and 50  myself presently, so maybe I’m older than her target demographic.  I was engaged to a guy from my late 20s into my early 30s and broke things off with him, but I have never been married.

I’m not sure if my age matters or not, but my age might mean that I’m able to spot wonky thinking in this article that a younger single may be blind to.

Continue reading “My Thoughts Regarding the Article The Hard Truth About Mr. Right by Joy Beth Smith”

Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships

Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships

(Link): Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships

By Meera Jagannathan, Moneyish

Clinging to male dominance won’t do your relationship any favors.

Men who buy into the Sigmund Freud-coined “Madonna-Whore dichotomy” — i.e., viewing women as either “good” and chaste or “bad” and promiscuous — are more likely to embrace a “patriarchy-enhancing ideology” and feel less satisfied in romantic relationships, a recent studypublished in the journal Sex Roles found.

“These men may have difficulties feeling attracted to the women they love, or loving the women to whom they are sexually attracted, leading to chronic dissatisfaction in their romantic relationships,” lead author Orly Bareket said in a statement.

Continue reading “Men Who Believe ‘Madonna-Whore Dichotomy’ Have Less Satisfying Relationships”

Woman Tests Men on Dating Site By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier

Woman Tests Men on Dating Sites By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier

(Link): Woman Tests Men on Dating Sites By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier

…YouTuber Crystal Adame, 20, who goes by Crystal Breeze, carried out an experiment on the dating app to find out whether her matches would still be interested in her if she wasn’t thin – and the results are surprising.

Crystal, who lost 100lb last year after starting an extreme weight loss plan, now receives a lot of attention online for her looks.

But the vlogger was curious whether the same men would be interested in her if she had never lost the weight – so she experimented.

Continue reading “Woman Tests Men on Dating Site By Switching Out Her Dating Site Photos Of Herself When She was 100 Pounds Heavier”

Man Sues ‘Luxury’ Dating Service After Shelling Out $71K Per Date

(Link): Man Sues ‘Luxury’ Dating Service After Shelling Out $71K Per Date

By Kathianne Boniello

Jan 21, 2018

A Manhattan man who hired a “luxury” dating service to help him find love instead found a money pit, a lawsuit claims.

The Washington, DC-based matchmaker Taylor Francois-Bodine says she helps the lovelorn “accelerate” their hunt for romance with her “luxury experience” and claims her clientele includes “senators, congress people, ambassadors, well-known sports figures, industry leaders, CEOs and Fortune 500 executives.”

Continue reading “Man Sues ‘Luxury’ Dating Service After Shelling Out $71K Per Date”

Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith

Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith

(Link): Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith

Jan 17, 2018

by Joy Beth Smith

There is nothing wrong with you!

Dear Single Ladies,

There is nothing wrong with you!

Every Wednesday leading up to that Holiday- Beginning- With- A- V- That- Shall- Not- Be- Named — inspirational, hilarious, and ridiculously-relatable Christian Post contributor Joy Beth Smith is offering a fresh perspective on flying solo, in a 5-part series, based on her upcoming book Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness (available for pre-order now, and wherever books are sold on Feb. 6).
This week… Dating Is a Cesspool, and Other Lessons I’m Learning.


“The purpose of dating is marriage.” I remember sitting at a conference and hearing the youth pastor, with thickly gelled hair and fervor in his eyes, say this. Heads nodded along, offering up their own silent amens.

These affirmations only spurred him on:

“And I don’t understand why our young people are dating folks that they can’t see themselves marrying. If you know that you want to head to the altar, you don’t take a detour. You take the most direct route, and that means pursuing godly girls and godly guys who you can picture the rest of your life with.”

I was hanging onto every word he said.

After all, it sounds good, right? If there’s a shortcut, you take it. If the purpose of dating is marriage, you only date people you can see yourself marrying.

There’s a lot that makes sense here, but the practical application of this philosophy has left me (and other wonderful, beautiful women like me) painfully single for the last two decades.

Continue reading “Dating Is A Cess Pool and Other Lessons I’m Learning by Joy Beth Smith”

14 Better Ways to Break the Ice on Dating Apps – from Marie Claire

(Link): 14 Better Ways to Break the Ice on Dating Apps – from Marie Claire

Excerpts:

….As users fill in their bios, they’re directed to ask an icebreaker question [on some dating sites], which is featured front and center on the profile, underneath the photo.

Matches must answer it initiate a connection, but it’s an easy, pressure-free way to begin a convo (and decidedly more interesting than “hey, what’s up”). So to help put those good ol’ fashioned conversational skills to task, here’s a list of tension-melting opening lines you haven’t heard a million times.

1. Tell me your life story in five emojis.

This is a non-intimidating way for someone to tell you who they are and a chance for your match to show off their cleverness.

2. If it was your last day on earth, what would eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?

Their answer gives you insight into their palate, as well as provides some potential dinner date ideas down the line.

Continue reading “14 Better Ways to Break the Ice on Dating Apps – from Marie Claire”

Sex, Lies, and Micro-Cheating: Why Every Dating Trend is Fake News by M. Stadtmiller

(Link): Sex, Lies, and Micro-Cheating: Why Every Dating Trend is Fake News

Excerpts:

“What is microcheating and are you a little bit guilty of it?” the headline asks in (Link): Metro. “What is micro-cheating? It’s the newest infidelity trend to mess up your relationship,” (Link): Bustle tells us. “Micro-cheating: The small actions that some say is as bad as full betrayal,”(Link):  The Independent warns.

 As a writer who has made a living in the made-up “dating term” buzzword space for more than a decade, I don’t know if I can take it any longer. It’s lies, all of it.

None of this is real. It’s filler.

It’s a distraction from the headache of complicated issues involved in figuring out intensely personal and widely variant emotional boundaries with a significant other.

It’s bullshit. All of it.

Continue reading “Sex, Lies, and Micro-Cheating: Why Every Dating Trend is Fake News by M. Stadtmiller”

What Dating With Anxiety Taught Me About Love by K. Bishop

(Link):  What Dating With Anxiety Taught Me About Love

Excerpts:

by K Bishop

A new match notification or getting asked out by that hot-but-definitely-a-fuckboy guy you’ve exchanged a stream of witty messages with is not a reward

…Dating in the Tinder-age is particularly triggering for anyone struggling with their mental health. When the next better thing is a mere right swipe away rejection is expected, to be blocked out by seeking more matches, more dates, more distractions from the niggling sense of being not quite good enough.

Speaking to my dating-app-active friends confirms that this issue isn’t just for the perpetually anxious.

Continue reading “What Dating With Anxiety Taught Me About Love by K. Bishop”

One Group That Thinks Grown Men “Courting” Teen Girls Is Natural? Fundamentalist Home-Schoolers by R. Graham

One Group That Thinks Grown Men “Courting” Teen Girls Is Natural? Fundamentalist Home-Schoolers by R. Graham

I linked to an article very similar to the one below a few months ago (Link): here.

I’ve also blogged about Phil Robertson’s gross, sexist, and creepy idea before that girls should marry at age 15 (Link): here.

(Link):  One Group That Thinks Grown Men “Courting” Teen Girls Is Natural? Fundamentalist Home-Schoolers by R. Graham

[Some Christians object to the idea of adult men dating teen girls.]

….But there’s a group of Moore’s allies for whom the basic idea of an unmarried older man “courting” a teenage girl is not anathema at all—fundamentalist home-schoolers.

Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson, who (Link): endorsed Moore in the contested Republican primary and has spoken at his rallies, told an audience in 2009 that girls should marry when they’re (Link): “about 15 or 16.”

Moore has (Link): appeared several times on a radio show hosted by Kevin Swanson, an ultra-conservative Colorado pastor who  (Link): defended Robertson’s notion that girls should be marrying at 15 because it helps them avoid sexual sin.

I’ve never married, still a virgin at age 40+, and I have a sex drive: it’s simply not true that “getting married young”(or getting married at all) is necessary to prevent someone from dabbling in sexual sin.

Staying a virgin past one’s teen years is not (Link): an impossible, heroic feat.

Anyone can do it.

Most choose not to.

Being celibate is a choice and a self-discipline, and it’s not due to lacking a sex drive; it is not a godly, incredibly difficult feat only a few can pull off. Anyone can do this.

Is is somewhat difficult when you’re single and rather be married and having sex? Yes, it can be somewhat difficult at times, but not to the point where one loses control of one’s ability to refrain.

Also, getting married does not keep people from “burning with lust,” with all due respect to the New Testament’s apostole Paul:

A lot of people get married only to sexually sin by having sex with people not their spouse, by fondling children, viewing porn, hiring prostitutes etc., and so on – see my many examples of married couples engaging in sexual sin (Link): here (i.e., collection of news stories of married people arrested for hiring prostitutes, etc).

Excerpts from the article:

Moore has an even deeper relationship with Doug Phillips, a disgraced leader in the “Biblical patriarchy” movement. Phillips was president of Vision Forum, a Texas-based organization devoted to the (Link): “restoration of the Christian household.”

In Phillips’ world, men ought to be self-sufficient by the time they marry, but women live under their father’s authority until they marry.

Continue reading “One Group That Thinks Grown Men “Courting” Teen Girls Is Natural? Fundamentalist Home-Schoolers by R. Graham”

Stop Trying To Tell Straight People They Have To Date Transgenders by Jazz Shaw

Stop Trying To Tell Straight People They Have To Date Transgenders

Excerpts:

…(Link): The BBC reports that Willoughby became incensed when Ginuwine declared the decision as to whether or not one should date across the gender-bending aisle to be a “personal choice,” but stated that he personally wouldn’t do it.

The journalist became further upset when he sugested sharing a kiss with Ginuwine and was rebuffed. This, apparently, set off a debate across the pond as to whether or not Ginuwine (and presumably anyone else holding his common sense opinions) is a hateful, hatemongering, Hatey McHateface.

Continue reading “Stop Trying To Tell Straight People They Have To Date Transgenders by Jazz Shaw”