Italians in Italy Warn that Mama’s Boys Ruin Marriages
Yeah, I was engaged to a Mama’s Boy. I can vouch that it screws up a relationship pretty badly.
There’s nothing wrong with a guy loving his mom, staying in touch with her, and helping her, but when it gets to the point he is calling Mom 1 to 3 times a day, every day, for longer than 30 – 60 minutes at a time, puts Mom and her needs and feelings ahead of yours (even when she is verbally abusive to you), no.
(Link): Italian ‘mummy’s boys’ told by Church that ‘mamma’ one of the biggest risks to marriage
The Catholic church has warned that Italian men’s adoration of their mothers is harming their marriages
By Josephine McKenna, Rome
16 Feb 2014
The Italian male deference to their mothers may be seen from afar as an endearing trait – as joyously traditional a part of their heritage as pizza, pasta and Prosecco.
But the Catholic Church has issued a grave warning that “mammismo” – the classic attachment between Italian men and their mothers – is one of the biggest risks to marriage in the country today.
“Marriage has to be an act of free will and awareness,” said Cardinal Angelo Bagnasco, archbishop of Genoa and president of the country’s bishops conference.
“When you rely totally on your parents for every step, a spouse does not know what to do or not to do because he’s constantly seeking the consensus of a third person.”
Cardinal Bagnasco was speaking at the annual opening of the regional ecclesiastical tribunal, which is asked to rule on marriage annulment in the northern region of Liguria.
Monsignor Paolo Rigon, one of the judges on the local tribunal, stressed it was not only the historic link between Italy’s “mummy’s boys” and their mothers but a “psychological dependence” on both parents that threatened the longevity of modern marriage.
“Psychologically, the parent becomes the true spouse and the person he married is replaced,” Mons. Rigon said.
And it is not just the Church that is concerned.
Gian Ettore Gassani, president of Italy’s matrimonial lawyers’ association, said interfering mothers-in-law were responsible for 30 per cent of all separations – and the problem was getting worse.
“Many women separate because of their mother-in-law and the immature behaviour of their husbands who depend totally on their mothers – a really disturbing element in the couple’s relationship,” said Mr Gassani.
“They wind up their spouse with lines like ‘Mamma irons better than you, she makes ragu sauce better than you’. This shows an absolute dependence on their mother.”
Alessandra Graziottin, a sex therapist and head of gynaecology at Milan’s San Raffaele Resnati Hospital, also said the phenomenon was growing, particularly as young Italians continue to live at home well into their 30s. A third of all adults, and over 60 per cent of Italians aged 18-29, live with their parents.
“On the one hand the kids want to prolong their adolescence, while their parents are pleased to be needed,” she said.
“If they don’t resolve their parental relationship it’s impossible to establish a deep connection with a partner and have a family. The partner is always compared to the parent. It’s a real psychodrama.”
As in most countries the number of marriages has fallen dramatically in Italy from 312, 348 in 1992 to 207,138 in 2011, according to the national statistics agency ISTAT.
Yet compared to other European nations, Italy has one of the lowest rates of divorce – with only Ireland and Montenegro having fewer cases.
Almost 90,000 couples separated in 2011 while 53,000 divorces were granted – meaning that there were 0.9 divorces per 1,000 inhabitants. In the UK for the same year there were 117,558 divorces, or 2.1 per 1,000 people.
(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage
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(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)
(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage