America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

I don’t know how much of this I agree with, but it does pertain to topics I blog about frequently, so here it is.

I keep seeing conservative Christian men blame feminism for delayed marriage among men, and at least one Christian sociologist blamed Christian women for declining marriage rates, because he feels that single Christian women are unwilling to marry Christian male porn addicts – he argues they should marry porn addicts anyway (for real; see this post).

Yet another article I (Link): linked to previously blamed porn addiction – that men are getting their kicks from nude women online, so they don’t feel the need to date real life women.

This article is citing immaturity for why so many men are not marrying (the single men supposedly want to play video games all day long).

An older article on my site that I linked to (Link): blamed the poor economy.

(Link): America’s Lost Boys by S. D. James (Why Men Are Not Marrying)

Excerpts:

Where have America’s young men gone? According to Erik Hurst, an economist from the University of Chicago, they haven’t gone anywhere—they’re just plugged in.

In a (Link): recent interview, Hurst says that his research indicates that young men with less than a four-year degree (according to virtually all data, that’s an increasing number) are spending their days unemployed and unmarried, but not un-amused.

“The hours that they are not working have been replaced almost one-for-one with leisure time,” Hurst reports. “Seventy-five percent of this new leisure time falls into one category: video games. The average low-skilled, unemployed man in this group plays video games an average of twelve, and sometimes upwards of thirty hours per week.”

Hurst goes on: “These individuals are living with parents or relatives, and happiness surveys actually indicate that they [are] quite content compared to their peers, making it hard to argue that some sort of constraint, [such as that] they are miserable because they can’t find a job, is causing them to play video games.”

Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors

Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors

I’m not going to copy the entire page here; you’re just getting excerpts.

Number five on this list describes my ex fiance exactly (see this (Link): prior post). I’d also say point 7 applies to my ex. My ex kept putting his mother (and some of his other family members) before me.

(Link): Nine Signs He’s Not The Marrying Type, According To Marriage Counselors

Excerpts

Read on for nine signs he’s just (Link): not the marrying type, according to marriage counselors. (Note that this applies to women too!)

1. He acts younger than he is.

“If he still acts like he’s in a fraternity ― staying out all night, drinking too much ― then he’s not ready for marriage. Getting married requires giving up the self-focus and ‘it’s all about me’ behavior. This doesn’t mean marriage doesn’t allow for some ‘me time,’ because it does, but it’s down on the priority list way below being responsible and considerate of your spouse.” ― Kurt Smith, counselor and director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching

5. He always makes it about him.

“Any healthy relationship needs a give-and-take dance. That said, it would only make sense for there to be balanced conversations. However, if your man leads most of the conversations back to himself and shows no interested in you, then chances are that he will mimic the same behavior throughout a marriage.” ― Carin Goldstein, marriage and family therapist

Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

I hope this father realizes that men over 40 who father kids are more likely to father a kid with various diseases, see link 1, link 2, link 3.

(Link): Dad places newspaper ad to find wife for son

(Link):  Dad seeks ‘wife’ for 48-year-old son with full-page newspaper ad

(Link):  Wife wanted: Dad places spouse-needed ad in Idaho newspaper

The ad gives a brief description of Brooks, including a photo with the disclaimer, “I look just like my picture, except I now have grey hair.” The “About You” section states applicants “Will be attractive being height and weight proportional.” It also goes on to say that applicants should be prepared to have children with Brooks and also be a stay-at- home mom.

(Link):  MEDDLING BEVERLY HILLS DAD PUTS OUT FULL-PAGE AD TO FIND 48-YEAR-OLD SON A WIFE

He said his father has been ill and wants a grandson to carry on the family name.Brooks compared his father to Larry David’s character in the TV series “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” saying he “thinks he does the right thing, and then it all blows up in his face.”He said he’d never buy an ad like this himself, but “it’s worth a shot. Can’t hurt.”

(Link):  Full-page newspaper ad seeking wife

(Link): Dad Buys Full-Page $900 Newspaper Ad Seeking a Wife for His 48 Year Old, Never Married Son

One father in Beverly Hills is trying to find his son a wife the old-fashioned way.

Arthur Brooks, 78, spent $900 on a full-page ad in Idaho’s Coeur d’Alene Press newspaper using the headline “Looking For a Wife.”

Italians in Italy Warn that Mama’s Boys Ruin Marriages

Italians in Italy Warn that Mama’s Boys Ruin Marriages

Yeah, I was engaged to a Mama’s Boy. I can vouch that it screws up a relationship pretty badly.

There’s nothing wrong with a guy loving his mom, staying in touch with her, and helping her, but when it gets to the point he is calling Mom 1 to 3 times a day, every day, for longer than 30 – 60 minutes at a time, puts Mom and her needs and feelings ahead of yours (even when she is verbally abusive to you), no.

(Link): Italian ‘mummy’s boys’ told by Church that ‘mamma’ one of the biggest risks to marriage

The Catholic church has warned that Italian men’s adoration of their mothers is harming their marriages

By Josephine McKenna, Rome
16 Feb 2014

The Italian male deference to their mothers may be seen from afar as an endearing trait – as joyously traditional a part of their heritage as pizza, pasta and Prosecco.
But the Catholic Church has issued a grave warning that “mammismo” – the classic attachment between Italian men and their mothers – is one of the biggest risks to marriage in the country today.
“Marriage has to be an act of free will and awareness,” said Cardinal Angelo Bagnasco, archbishop of Genoa and president of the country’s bishops conference.

“When you rely totally on your parents for every step, a spouse does not know what to do or not to do because he’s constantly seeking the consensus of a third person.”

Cardinal Bagnasco was speaking at the annual opening of the regional ecclesiastical tribunal, which is asked to rule on marriage annulment in the northern region of Liguria.

Monsignor Paolo Rigon, one of the judges on the local tribunal, stressed it was not only the historic link between Italy’s “mummy’s boys” and their mothers but a “psychological dependence” on both parents that threatened the longevity of modern marriage.

“Psychologically, the parent becomes the true spouse and the person he married is replaced,” Mons. Rigon said.

And it is not just the Church that is concerned.

Gian Ettore Gassani, president of Italy’s matrimonial lawyers’ association, said interfering mothers-in-law were responsible for 30 per cent of all separations – and the problem was getting worse.

“Many women separate because of their mother-in-law and the immature behaviour of their husbands who depend totally on their mothers – a really disturbing element in the couple’s relationship,” said Mr Gassani.

“They wind up their spouse with lines like ‘Mamma irons better than you, she makes ragu sauce better than you’. This shows an absolute dependence on their mother.”

Alessandra Graziottin, a sex therapist and head of gynaecology at Milan’s San Raffaele Resnati Hospital, also said the phenomenon was growing, particularly as young Italians continue to live at home well into their 30s. A third of all adults, and over 60 per cent of Italians aged 18-29, live with their parents.

“On the one hand the kids want to prolong their adolescence, while their parents are pleased to be needed,” she said.

“If they don’t resolve their parental relationship it’s impossible to establish a deep connection with a partner and have a family. The partner is always compared to the parent. It’s a real psychodrama.”

As in most countries the number of marriages has fallen dramatically in Italy from 312, 348 in 1992 to 207,138 in 2011, according to the national statistics agency ISTAT.

Yet compared to other European nations, Italy has one of the lowest rates of divorce – with only Ireland and Montenegro having fewer cases.
Almost 90,000 couples separated in 2011 while 53,000 divorces were granted – meaning that there were 0.9 divorces per 1,000 inhabitants. In the UK for the same year there were 117,558 divorces, or 2.1 per 1,000 people.

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Related posts:

(Link): American Christian Divorce Rates Vs Atheists and Other Groups – throws a pall over Christian Fairy Tale Teachings about Marriage

(Link): Study: Conservative Protestants’ divorce rates spread to their red state neighbors

(Link): A Response by Colon to Regnerus Re: Misguided Early Marriage Propaganda

(Link): A Case Against Early Marriage by Ashley Moore (editorial)

(Link): Christian Early Marriage Position Advocates A Low View of Celibacy and Virginity and Adult Singleness – another example: Justin Deeter Blog about Early Marriage