Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single? by Emily Brown
The essay I am excerpting below is pretty good and contains a lot of truth.
It’s certainly true that a person who wanted marriage but remains single can eventually learn to accept their own single status, mostly make peace with it, but well-meaning friends and family (Christians are the worst, they worship marriage),
can make one of their well-meaning comments, and it can send you spiraling – until you learn to let it bounce off you, develop boundaries, and let that well-meaning person know that their comment does offend or hurt, even if that wasn’t their intent.
I also recall years ago seeing Christian singer Carman, who died in 2021, who was single until he got married in his 50s, say on a TBN program (while he was single) that he would be going along okay in life doing just FINE with his single status,
until he’d run into a Christian friend or family member who’d make those passing, sometimes well meaning, comments or questions like, “Why are you still single? Aren’t you depressed or lonely being single?”
Carman said on those occasions, his thoughts were, “You know, I WAS doing okay with being single UNTIL you had to rub my single status in my face and act like I SHOULD feel inadequate about it.”
The following is from Relevant, which only permits a person up to around five free articles per month:
(Link): Why Can’t Other Christians Understand I Am Happy Being Single?
by Emily Brown
As a lifelong single person, I’ve had a lot of time to come to terms with my singleness. And not even just come to terms and begrudgingly accept it, but truly learn to enjoy and love being single.
So when people ask how I feel about being single I don’t have to fake a smile. I excitedly share the happiness and joy I feel about being single.
That being said, there are still moments where I do feel sadness or shame or embarrassment about my singleness.
Do you know why? It’s because of the response people give me when I tell them how I feel about being single. Because when I tell people that I’m single they often respond with some iteration of:
“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon!”
Nowhere in my explanation of my relationship status did I mention I was upset or worried.
Yet why do people — and let me be clear on which people I am specifically talking about: already married Christians — always assume I am sad about being single?
It has been a long, long journey to finding happiness. I worked really, really hard to unlearn the lie that being with someone would make my life complete and replace it with the truth that God is all I need.
I had to realize that there isn’t anything wrong with me and being single is not a curse.
…But it can take just a few words from well-meaning, ultimately misguided people to crack holes in my happiness.
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