views and thoughts on topics, especially ones pertaining to christianity – with an emphasis on how most christians either ignore or discriminate against unmarried christians – and how christians have turned marriage and parenting into IDOLS and how there is no true support for sexual purity, virginity, or celibacy among christians – this is a blog for me to vent; I seldom permit dissenting views. I don't debate dissenters ————-
John and Phyllis Cook fell for each other in their shared assisted living facility
A senior couple is proving that it’s never too late to find love, even if it comes many years after your first.
According to NBC 24, John and Phyllis Cook have been dating for a year after meeting in their shared assisted living facility in Ohio. Their love blossomed over the course of their courtship, and on Wednesday, the two sealed the deal and secured a marriage license, making their union official.
I saw a Tweet by a lady the other day who said she is in her late 50s, that she would very much like to be in a serious relationship (she’s tired of being single, I think), and she was feeling discouraged because her friends are telling her that she is ‘too old to have a serious relationship at her age.’
No, she isn’t, and no, it’s not.
First of all, may I suggest that if you are constantly surrounded by recurrently negative friends and family, and ones who complain a lot and are fault-finders, who do things like talk negatively about your hopes, dreams, and goals, who tell you that your dreams will never come to pass, that you begin by limiting your time with these people?
Research has shown that it’s better for your mental health and increases your chances of success at whatever your goal is if you more often than not surround yourself with regularly positive people, and ones who support you and your goals.
If you are someone going through a difficult time right now, whatever your situation is, it’s not true that “you are too old” or “it’s too late” for your goal or dream in life.
Journey to Purity creates a community for minority women abstaining from sex
Shunning premarital sex may seem old-fashioned to some, but Erica Willams says nowadays celibacy is somewhat of a movement, especially among some minority women.
Williams, 30, is the founder of Journey to Purity, a nonprofit in Virginia that aims to promote celibacy in women through education and community building efforts.
The Journey to Purity Meetup group has 102 members, and is limited to women. Williams says the majority of the women are black or Latina.
For these women, celibacy is a conscience and often faith-driven choice.
‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ TV Show Scene Perfectly Sums Up What It’s Like To Be Single at 40+ When You Had Wanted to Be Married
I just re-watched a re-run I had forgotten about. It really resonated – maybe not so much at the time, when I was in my 20s when it first aired, but now that I’m in my 40s and still single, like the character in the skit is, I totally relate.
I will embed the scene below in this post, that someone posted on You Tube (I so hope the video is never pulled down. Sometimes, videos are removed due to copyright infringement claims.)
“Everybody Loves Raymond” is a television situation comedy show that started around 1996. I used to watch it every week and still remember the characters and one or two of the episodes.
This show takes place, starts out, in the late 1990s, before many Americans had the internet – dating sites were still a good ways away, and cell phones didn’t really catch on until around the year 2,000 or a bit later.
Even when dating sites first came out and caught on, many singles did not want to use them.
Even up to around 2005 or so, there was a stigma attached to dating sites. If you used one at that time, you didn’t really want anyone to know, because they might think you were desperate or a loser.
I started watching “Everyone Loves Raymond” again in re-runs about two weeks ago – it comes on some of the local cable channels. If you’re like I am – single over the age of 35 and had expected and wanted to marry – you might really relate to the embedded video in this post, too.
To set it up for you if you’re not familiar with the show:
The show is about a guy named Ray who is married to Debra. Ray’s parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street from Ray and Debra.
Ray’s older brother, Robert (a.k.a. “Robbie”), is a police officer who lives with his parents – the guy was married to a woman name Joanne(?), and if I remember correctly, she won the house in their divorce. Joanne dumped Robert for a guy Robert arrested.
For a long time, Robert was too broke and too depressed to live on his own, so he lived with his parents. Eventually, Robert meets Amy, and they get married. But for a good long time, Robert, who is in his early 40s, is single, can’t seem to meet the right woman, and hates being single.
Should a Christian Try Online Dating and Other Insights Into the Single Life
Well, goodness knows that the ‘pray, wait, have faith, and attend a local church’ advice to get a spouse has not worked for myself or boatloads of Christian single women.
The article also addresses how singles should not put their lives on hold until they marry, and other things.
Thirty-six year-old (Link): Mandy Hale says she’s determined to live her best life now, even without the man the church always seems to think she needs.
Throw her age in with the fact that she works from home and in the church there are “like 98 percent amazing, single women and 2 percent single guys,” Hale is taking a stand for singles.
“I feel like singles—we fall through the cracks,” Hale says. “Once you get past a certain point, you have (ministries to) college age, singles, you know, young careers. But I’m 36 now, I don’t feel 36, it’s kind of like at certain age, stick out like a sore thumb.”
Don’t Let Someone Who Gave Up On Their Dreams Talk You Out Of Yours
In a couple of posts in the past (such as (Link): this one), I discussed the disheartening trend I see in Christian books, articles, interviews, or blogs by (1.) other never-married adult Christians who are over age of 35 or 40 (or, (2.) on occasion by married Christians who condescendingly lecture adult singles on these issues).
These (I am speaking of group 1 above) are adults who had hoped to marry, but they remain single into their late 30s or beyond.
(There is also another group, Christians who are over 40 years of age, who are thrilled and totally at peace at having never married and never really cared either way if they ever married or not. They are guilty of what I write about in this post, too.
Hell, I sometimes see single Christians below the age of 35 who are guilty of this, but their views stem more from being naive about life.)
The never-married Christians, who are past the age of 35 or 40, who have given up on ever getting married themselves then turn around in their interviews, articles, and books and shame other post-age-35 singles from pursuing marriage.
I kid you not. They will guilt trip you if you still hope to marry some day, and you are past 35 years old.
They have given up hope of ever getting married themselves, so they go about trying to convince other singles to give up, too. They will try to shame you out of pursuing your dream. They will tell you that at 40, you are too old to be on dating sites and still expecting marriage.
They believe you should only think of “eternity,” or, they will argue, you should be consumed in this life only with thoughts about Jesus or with how to serve Jesus in the here and now.
They will shame you by telling you that it’s selfish, immature, un-christian, or self-centered (or a combination of all those things) to go after an earthly pursuit such as marriage, even though Jesus did not preach a “pie in the sky” theology, but said he came so that you may have life more abundantly – that means NOW, not after you’re dead.
Many Christians believe in a theology of CODEPENDENCY and ASCETICISM, both of which are condemned in the Bible (see for example Colossians 2:16-22). It is okay to seek after your own personal happiness in the here and now. People who tell you otherwise are peddling false doctrine.
Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams
If you are over 35, have never been married, and would still like to be, don’t let anyone else dissuade you from pursuing marriage, especially the ones who once held the dream but have given up.
———————- Related posts:
I’m not sure if the woman who wrote this is single or married.
The odd thing about this woman’s page is that while on the one hand she seems to try to be encouraging singles, it comes across as a form of “singles shaming” to me. Maybe that was not her intent, but that’s how it came across to me.
Here are a few excerpts:
by M. Davies
So you’re spending Valentine’s Day alone and feeling sad about it. What do you do? Curl up on the couch and cry? Stare forlornly into the window of a restaurant packed with couples who are sharing the same long spaghetti noodle like the dogs in Lady and the Tramp? Well, knock it off, sister. You’re a grown-ass woman — W-O-M-Y-N — and it’s time that you figured out that Valentine’s Day only matters when you make it matter. SO STOP MAKING IT MATTER.
There was a time when I used to get really sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. That time was high school, when I was too young and dumb to know better.
…But maybe your friends are different than mine and they do make you feel bad about being alone on Valentine’s Day. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you have some shitty friends. That or it’s projection on your part, in which case this probably goes deeper than Valentine’s Day and chances are you’ll be sad on February 15th, 16th and maybe even when you finally get a significant other because, guess what, they won’t solve all your problems either.
That lady’s “buck up, buckeroo about being single on Valentine’s Day” page read more like “shut up you whiny cry baby whiner.” If she was trying to encourage singles who are unhappy about being single, I’m guessing it had the opposite effect on most people who read that page.
Christian Woman Claims That She Received Divine Reassurance that She Would Be Married
❗ WARNING. I hesitate to post material like this (the link and story are farther below), because I do not want Christian single women to be misled.
I remember growing up reading stuff like this, where some woman claims she heard the voice of God, who reassured her that he would send her her spouse, and by golly, sure enough, she got married two years later, or whatever.
Sometimes these stories get very specific, like the woman will say she heard God’s inner voice telling her, “I will send you a spouse, and he will have green hair and be named ‘Tom,'” and yes, she ends up meeting and marrying green-haired Tom.
The vast majority of stories I hear from single women, though, are the opposite.
For every “God spoke to me and assured me he was sending me with a spouse” divine, supernatural intervention story, I’ve heard five or more from single, Christian women, ages 35 and older who say, “I’ve not received a spouse, even after praying for one for many years” (which happens to be my story as well).
It looks to me as though if you want a spouse, you cannot realistically expect to get one by mere prayer or faith alone.
These divine intervention stories of “God told me he was sending me a husband” are rare. I used to see one such story maybe once every year, or every other year, on Christian TV shows or Christian magazines.
I would stumble across one often enough, though, that it would leave me with the impression that I could totally trust God to send me a spouse, because if he did it for the woman in the story, by gosh, he would do it for me… but that has not been my experience.
❗ So please read stories like this with extreme caution – I am afraid most Christian women stay single and get no reassurance from God either way about staying single or getting married.
I believe that Christian publications who run these stories should put a disclaimer in them for singles who desire marriage and tell them “results may vary, what happened to this woman may not happen to you.”
It’s very misleading to imply to a single Christian woman that if she just prays and waits like the woman in the story, that God will send her someone, because that is not true for the majority of women. These kinds of stories can be very discouraging, not uplifting, and they can also damage a woman’s faith, because they are not THE NORM.
I got two or three what seemed to be “divine reassurances” from God (when I was a believer) that yes, I would be married eventually, but I am in my 40s and STILL SINGLE. So, I’d say, do not place too much hope or stock in these types of stories.
Winter mornings in Michigan were often cold and bleak, especially now that I was getting up earlier than usual to pray. The quiet time with God helped keep me inspired at my job as an elementary school teacher.
Some mornings, though, waking up in the dreary darkness, I couldn’t help but wish I had someone to wake up with. I loved my job, but more than anything I hoped to be a wife and mother. So far I hadn’t met the right guy.
“Lord, you promise that if we delight in you, you’ll give us the desires of our heart,” I said aloud. “I have delighted in you, so…when?”
The room was silent. Seemingly out of nowhere a Bible passage popped into my mind: “I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” Isaiah 49:15-16.
God? I thought. Could it be that he was speaking directly to me? As I opened my daily scripture book, the lesson for the day caught me by surprise. It was Isaiah 49:15-16–the passage that had popped into my head! It seemed like God really was speaking to me, and yet…
Lord, I don’t want to be a doubting Thomas, but if you truly are encouraging me with these words, could you say them once more?
That afternoon I swung by the house of one of the ladies in my prayer group. We were trying something different, each of us choosing someone in the group to pray for anonymously, encouraging her with notes and small gifts. I stealthily dropped a little something in my friend’s mailbox.
When I got home I found a gift in my own mailbox. My secret prayer buddy had been by! It was a pewter pin shaped like a hand, and in the hand was a little child. The card with it contained a short Bible passage. Isaiah 49:15-16.
Less than two years later I met the man who would be my husband. Together we’re raising four wonderful children. But the truth is, I found love before I met my husband, when God reached down and–three times–reminded me I was not forgotten.
… So instead of simply remixing an old post, I decided to create a holiday-focused scorecard. Think of it like a seasonal ale they put nutmeg in during January. It only comes around this time of year. Without further ado, I give you:
Being single during Christmas at church:
5. You good friends hold secret “couples holiday dinners” they don’t invite you to because they don’t want you to feel awkward. = + 3 points
Wreath
6. They wince when the world’s worst commercials, Jared’s jewelry, come on TV and some horrible actress gets engaged right in front of you. = +4 points
8. They try desperately to find the silver lining and say things like, “It must be nice not to have to shop for anyone. My husband is so hard to get gifts for!” = +2 points
10. They feel slightly guilty for watching romantic Christmas movies in your presence, like “Love Actually.” = +3 points
11. Someone tells you, “Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone.” = +2 points
12. Your friends have stopped saying “When you get married” because they’re not sure you’ve got it in you. = +1 point
21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point
22. You’re divorced and someone gives you the incredibly encouraging advice, “God will bring you someone who will overlook your past.” = + 2 points
24. Someone makes a horrible joke about how this Christmas, you got the “gift of celibacy.” = +10 points
25. Married friends feel compelled to over tell you how difficult marriage is so that you don’t feel like it’s a winter wonderland of constant awesomeness. = +3 points
32. People try to romanticize the tremendous amounts of free time you must have during the holidays without a family to bother you. = +3 points
Some select reader comments:
Sydney says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 3:46 PM
As the oldest grandchild and neice on both sides of my family I have recently been given the guilt trip from my grandparents: “We might not have many more Cristmases left, we need some grandchildren!”
Selina says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:12 PM
Yup, I started to hear similar comments in the last couple years (and I’m only 24!). Like from my grandfather “Do you have a boyfriend yet? You need to get married before I die.” As if boyfriends magically appear out of force of sheer will.
Katie says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 3:48 PM
“It’s so courageous of you to decorate your apartment for the holidays and send out Christmas cards, as if you had a family”.
Yep. From a family member.
I don’t know how many ‘points’ is equal to spending Christmas afternoon in my bedroom crying. Alone, of course. Maybe +20?
Carly says
DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 10:17 AM
So true! My grandfather gives all my (married) siblings/cousins money (triple digits) for Christmas. Being single, I get $0. Its not so much about the money, but not being considered as “equally deserving of a gift.”
Sara says
DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 1:01 PM
Me too, Carly! Me too! The exact same thing happens to me.
Sandy says
DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 3:43 PM
Same here!! I always think, I have bills too and nobody to help me pay them! Am I not worthy of a check at Christmas just because I didn’t provide a son-in-law and grandchildren??
Claire says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:28 PM
[In response to someone who says she hates #21 on the list, 21 reads,
21. People spend an exorbitant amount of time telling you marriage success stories, e.g. “The instant my friend Jill stopped looking for a boyfriend this incredible guy came along and swept her off her feet.” = + 1 point]
As if God is dangling a gift in front of you and will only give it to you when you stop reaching for it or wanting it! So screwy, but I can’t tell you how many people have thrown this at me in my 35 years of singleness.
Kelsey says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:53 PM
I cannot stand #21 or any spin-offs that deal with, “Well, when you focus fully on God, he’ll be right beside you!”
It implies that all married people are somehow on a separate spiritual playing field than singles. Like they are the first-string players that know how to focus on Jesus better or something—AND FOR THAT, THEY GET A REWARD!
But not you single people. Go read your ESV study bible and pray a little more. Better luck next season!
jill says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:20 PM
I’m sick of people saying I should get more involved in church and that I will meet him there. I already go to church and have been for a looong time. No dice. Sitting between my parents each Sunday doesn’t really help either, huh?
Krista says
DECEMBER 15, 2013 AT 12:15 AM
I attend a church and live in a town that has very few single Christian men. My church has none. And I am one of two single ladies myself. Getting more involved will not do anything.
Selina says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:22 PM
That is fantastic, haha! Yeah, it’s a very good point. A lot of people make comments that imply you’re single because you somehow aren’t putting God first in your life, no matter what you’re actually doing.
DM says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:10 PM
ST.WIPS: Stupid Things Well-Intentioned People Say.
“It’ll happen when…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random statement like “when you’re least expecting it…” blah blah blah)
“God is your husband!”
“Maybe you should…” (and then fill in the blank with any sort of random advice that is usually a little bit mean. I usually want to respond, “Maybe you should kiss my grits.”
“Have you prayed about it?” Oh! Now there’s a brilliant idea that I’ve never considered!
Jon–How many points does one get for being single, alone, and OVERSEAS at Christmas? About 100?
Monahmartha says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 9:51 PM
Blechk! Im 35, and married now but wow, did i hate that “youre not putting urself in the right situations…” Its bs im sorry. I was told for many years my husband would come to my church one day. And the non-church people i knew were telling me i needed to go to club to find a man. Otherwise i was dooomed.
Well every1 was wrong. I just kept living my life and future hubby came to my WORK PLACE. LOL so there!
And i vowed when i got married i will not become “one of them”. And im didnt. Godmhelp me if i ever do…
Holly says
DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 12:58 PM
I tell the Church ladies that there is no one single my age at church, so I’m gonna start going to the bars to find a husband.
That shuts them up quick.
Amy says
DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 3:20 PM
I once told a girl at my Bible study that I’d been keeping my hair long because a) I’ve been enjoying doing fun updos with it and b) I read that guys prefer longer hair (which is true) . . . but I’d also considered doing a cute pixie cut. I’m just afraid that if I did everyone would think I was a butch lesbian, so if I get to 35 and I’m still not married I might go ahead and give the pixie a shot, since by then I expect most people will think I’m a butch lesbian anyway . . . LOL. (It’s been thought before, even when I’ve had long hair . . . I’m sorry to say).
Selina says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:17 PM
Yup, some of these are accurate already. Like the lady at church who always asks me if I have a boyfriend yet because she has to know as soon as it happens. I have a few friends who like to tell me how lucky I am to be single and how guys are so much more trouble than they’re worth. Yeah, so nice to be told that from the person who has been married or in a relationship for years to the girl who has never had a bf. They all mean well, but there comes a point when every single piece of “advice” or “encouragement” someone gives you about your love life becomes kind of insulting and aggravating. I despise those cliched comments from people.
[In reply to a married about what marrieds can say to singles]
Andrea says
DECEMBER 16, 2013 AT 12:52 AM
Everything else about my life? Because part of what makes it so frustrating/hurtful, is those questions are essentially implying, “it doesn’t really matter what you’ve done or accomplished. Your life isn’t truly valid until you’re in a relationship/married/have kids. Didn’t you know you are defined by your marital status?”
I have a job I’ve worked hard for and really enjoy (and I work with some really fascinating stuff, which I might tell you about if you showed interest in knowing something beyond my 30-second job summary).
I have a master’s degree.
I’ve traveled all over the world.
I have friends and family all over the country/world.
I’ve been remodeling my house over the last 3 years.
I’m in a book club and love to read.
I enjoy working in my yard/garden.
I love to bake and cook.
I love going to the theater and trying new restaurants.
And yes, I have two cats. And they entertain me to no end.
But yet somehow, there are people who can’t think of anything to ask me about or comment on except my relationship status?!
So, what would encourage me and make me feel appreciated? Showing interest in what my life IS (everything listed above), rather than what it might be lacking (a significant other). Celebrating/congratulating me on what I’ve accomplished (job, education, house reno, etc.), rather than focusing on what I haven’t (a husband). Recognizing that I and my life are legitimate and acceptable right now and as is – just as acceptable and legitimate as they would be with a spouse, not just as “it’s nice to see you’re using your time well until you meet someone.”.
Hope that helps!
Becky says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 5:28 PM
Yes! I also stopped telling stories to my parents that involves and single guy within 20 years of me. They completely tone-out what I’m saying and become fixed on that guy. “So you just said Jake, who is Jake, how old is he? Are you interested, is he cute?” And they remember him and check-in on how “jake and I ” are doing for months.
Selina says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM
Ooo, wait, can we add watching all the Christmas engagement posts starting to pop up on facebook with the nauseatingly sappy captions??? Seriously.
Sharon says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM
Being a widow, I get a lot of “at least…” statements, such as “at least you had the time together that you did. “.
True, but it doesn’t make it any less lonely. These are often preceded by “Wow, the holidays much be so hard for you, being by yourself and all.”
Thanks for pointing that out, I hadn’t noticed.
Which is immediately followed by the suggestion that I sign up to volunteer at all 11 services over four days.
Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I don’t have a life.
Kaitlyn says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:25 PM
This cracked me up, especially after the question I got yesterday: “Have you tried Christian Mingle yet?”
Rachel says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 6:40 PM
Ah yes. My old friend. I saw an advert for said company online the other day (thanks, targeted FB advertising) with the terrible, theologically worrying and mildly threatening slogan “Worried about going to heaven alone? Maybe not.” As Charlie Brown says, good grief.
Should definitely be added to the points system.
Peggy says
DECEMBER 14, 2013 AT 4:29 PM
I’m divorced and in my thirties. At this point, I hear comments about how God will “restore the years the locusts have eaten.”
Little do they know that I’m on a wild adventure and I see no locusts in my history.
I was just starting to write a blog post about Christmas as a single woman! I will have to link to this post.
WIDOWED people are reporting higher levels of wellbeing than married couples, while women aged 18 to 29 are the unhappiest age group, a survey shows.
National wellbeing deteriorated to 63.5 points in the last three months of the year, down from 64.4 points in the previous quarter, according to the National Australia Bank Wellbeing Index.
When it comes to marital status, widows and widowers had the highest levels of wellbeing while singles had the lowest, the survey of 2,100 Australians showed.
“In particular, mental wellbeing, feeling part of the community and physical health are significantly stronger contributors to the wellbeing of widows when compared to married couples,” NAB economists said.
Those with no children reported higher levels of wellbeing than those with children, while the highest earners – those on $100,000-plus – were happier than those on lower incomes.
Overall, wellbeing was highest in South Australia and the Northern Territory and lowest in Tasmania, due to a sharp increase in anxiety over the quarter.
Those in regional cities reported the highest levels of wellbeing, compared with people in capital cities and rural areas.
When it comes to age, women aged 18 to 29 reported the lowest levels of wellbeing while women aged 50-plus reported the highest levels.
“The most important influences on positive wellbeing include personal relationships, your home and personal safety,” NAB economists said.
Good Posts on Singleness from Crumbs From the Communion Table Blog
I’m not sure, but I think the guy who owns this blog is either a Christian homosexual, (or is hetero but supports homosexuality? – okay, yes, he says on his “about” page, ‘I run The Gay Christian Network, a nonprofit organization’), but he makes some very good points about how churches treat all singles, whether of the hetero or homo variety.
If he is a supporter of homosexuality in some fashion or another, do not let that dissuade you from reading his blog pages, because there’s a lot on there that a conservative, hetero Christian can agree with. Some of what he writes mirrors things I’ve been saying on my blog the last couple of years.
He also illustrates many of his posts with some happening animated GIFs. It’s worth a visit just to see the GIFs he chose for some of these blog posts 😆
I believe both single MEN and women can relate to that blog post, “What Every Woman Wants. Or Not.”
I for one am sick and tired of the assumptions made by biblical gender role complementarians about womanhood (and manhood), one reason being such rigid gender role teachings actually are contributing to the rash of unwanted, protracted singleness among Christian adults.
Not only should you read “What Every Woman Wants. Or Not,” you should also take a look at the comments on the page, because you will see a few single women discussing what it’s like to be a single Christian. Even if you are a single male, you might relate to an extent to some of the things the women wrote in the comments.
The challenges we singles face go beyond financial considerations and how to abstain from sex. In a church culture that emphasizes the family unit above almost all else, where is our identity? How do we spend our time as we age and so many of our peers are busy with their families? And what do we make of the fact that even our Christian communities sometimes treat us with condescension or suspicion for being single?
These are much bigger questions than we can address in one blog post, but for now, here are 9 ways your church can begin ministering better to single people.
1. Include singles in your church leadership.
2. Talk openly about singles—in sermons, in staff meetings, in church literature, everywhere you do ministry. When you do, think about how what you say and do affects different groups of singles, from the celibate gay man to the widow. Don’t let “singles” be code for “young people.”
5. Give singles the opportunity to lead the singles ministry.
Many pastors think they’re avoiding potential problems by having married folks lead the singles ministry, but honestly, that feels so condescending. It also gives the distinct impression that we’re all just supposed to be on a journey toward marriage, at which point we’ll be taken more seriously.
7. Be particularly cognizant of the times many people gather with their families—holidays, important life moments, illness, etc.
Create opportunities for your church to be their family in those times. You know all that love, support, companionship, and stability you get from having a spouse and children? We need those things, too. Think about how your church can fill those gaps.
… See, American Protestant churches are great at supporting families. If you want to know how to be a better, more godly husband, wife, parent, or child, we’ve got you covered. We’ve got books. We’ve got classes. We’ve got sermons. We’ve got small groups. Here, have a special edition Bible.
But too often, we don’t seem to know what to do with single people other than somehow shove them into that frame.
It’s not that churches don’t know they have single people. The trouble is, many churches think about singleness only as a young person’s issue. And what do single teenagers need? Lots of advice on controlling their sex drives until marriage, apparently. But single adults need a lot more than that.
The Cloying Annoying Nauseating G-Rated Wholesome Saccharin Sweet Tone of Articles by Christians For Christian Singles
This post was first published in December 2013
(Edit months after the fact: this blog post may contain adult language, as in cuss words. Or not. I don’t remember. But it’s a possibility.)
(Edit 2: Near the bottom, the post was edited in March 2023 with updated perspectives)
I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to post about this before.
If you are looking for a positive, happy-happy blog to cheer you up about being single, this is not the blog for you.
I don’t aim to give people the warm and fuzzies about being single. I’m not trying to make you feel rotten about being single, either, though.
I am trying to Keep It Real.
I just told a blog visitor in a comment (in the blog post about the 34 year old single woman who is tired of being asked when she will marry), who seems to find this blog depressing, or too negative for her tastes, or something, because I am seldom upbeat and happy:
…I actually had a visitor here about a week ago who says she really likes this blog because it is “raw.”
I know what she means.
Personally, I tired of the saccharin sweet tone of Christian blogs for singles, and there are many of them out there, if you are looking for upbeat and encouraging conversations about being a Christian single when you feel down about it.
I got turned off by those sites after having looked at them over a period of years.
Sites such as “Christianity Today,” “Boundless,” and “Her.meneutics” (and other Christian sites/ blogs) strive to be G-rated and clean at all times. They are usually afraid to be blunt and real about life, about marriage, about singlehood.
Many Christian sites and blogs (even the ones run by lay persons) are deathly afraid of using rough language, being negative, everything always has to be sunny- sunny, sweet, upbeat, and paint a rosy picture of being a Christian single. In my opinion, that is not real. That is not reality, not to me.
I never got anything out of the sweet, G-rated, prim and proper, super nice blogs for Christians that tell singles to “serve Jesus,” “find contentment in Jesus,” and so forth. These little platitudes don’t convey the deep loneliness and pain some singles who desire marriage contend with.
And that is all very true.
I like that I can come to my little blog here and cuss and rant and be negative (you too can start your own blog. These Word Pres blogs are free).
Christian Pundit 
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