If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)

Yeesh. If you are single, want to be married, and ever feel lousy or discouraged about being single still, you might want to check out the movie “Gone Girl.”

Or not. It may forever discourage you from dating ever again, LOL – which is why I put “maybe watch it” in the subject heading of this post.

What a creepy movie.

I saw it tonight because it came on one of the cable TV channels I get.

It stars Ben Afflec (however his name is spelled) married to some blonde lady. This movie contains twists and turns.

You start out feeling bad for the wife, because the husband looks like a cheating, insensitive, selfish, lazy, jerk.

But then as the movie goes on, you learn the blonde wife is no prize, either. You then also feel sorry for the husband as you start learning more about the sicko wife.

Continue reading “If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)”

Texas Double Murder Suspect Dreamed of Cutting Off Wife’s Head, Police Allege

I see stories like the one I’m blogging about in his post and think sometimes being single is not so bad by comparison. Or, more accurately, it’s pointless to be married if the person you’re married to is violent, selfish, a jerk, or a psycho – like the guy in this story.

I have times where I’m okay with being single, other times I’d like to be married (mainly for the companionship), but geeze frikkin’ louise, I see stories like this one and think having a husband this terrible is far worse than being single.

Not only did the guy kill his wife, but he was telling people prior to killing her that he didn’t like her. He was fed up with the way she looked and dressed.

I mean, good Lord, there is no point in getting married if the guy you’re married to cannot stand you, is not going to like you or respect you, and tells co-workers he fantasizes about cutting your head off.

I’d rather be husband-less than married to a violent, self absorbed douche-canoe who cannot even stand to be in the same room with me.

The article gets even more sad when you read about how a friend says the murdered woman had dreamed of getting married and having a kid since she was 12 years old, and she had three miscarriages before having their son (whom the guy also killed).

By the way: this again shows that being married and a parent does NOT, as Christians often claim, make a person more godly, ethical, or loving.

This also goes to show that contrary to most Christian advice I’ve seen, a person does not have to be perfect or godly to earn, merit, or get a spouse from God. If a person had to have a good heart and be a great person to start with before God would allow that person a spouse, than this evil idiot in this story never would’ve gotten married to start with.

(Link): Texas Double Murder Suspect Dreamed of Cutting Off Wife’s Head, Police Allege

A Texas man charged with (Link): fatally slashing the throats of his wife and infant son allegedly told co-workers he heard voices telling him to “kill people” and had dreamed of hurting his spouse, according to a newly released police affidavit obtained by PEOPLE.

The accusations detail suspect Craig Vandewege’s bizarre behavior before and after his 36-year-old wife, Shanna Vandewege, and their 3-month-old son, Diederick, were found dead in Fort Worth, Texas, on Dec. 15.

Continue reading “Texas Double Murder Suspect Dreamed of Cutting Off Wife’s Head, Police Allege”

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

(Link): World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single


by Y. Shah

The world has a new oldest person. Meet Emma Morano of Verbania, Italy. At 116-years-old, Morano is believed to be the last documented person alive who was born in the 1800s.

Continue reading “World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single”

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney

My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney

The link to the article is much farther below. I wanted to say a few things first.

I’ve only read about 1/3 or 1/4th of this article so far (and have skimmed down more), and holy moly, this is one of those times where I’m all “I am so freaking glad I have never married. There ARE benefits to being single.”

I feel sorry for this lady and wish her the best, but her story does serve as some kind of reminder that marriage is not all the romantic Hollywood movies or conservative Christians make it out to be.

Note that she writes that she met her husband – who not only killed a woman years prior, but went on to rape two women – in a soup kitchen.

I mention this because often on Christian TV shows, I hear preachers tell single women who want to marry to go volunteer at soup kitchens (or other places) if they want to meet eligible men and get married. (I also to this day get similar advice from Christian family members.)

I think this is a good example of why you need to take a man’s character into account, not just his profession of beliefs, or that you even meet him at a soup kitchen.

Just because a guy APPEARS to be upstanding – he volunteers, or goes to church weekly, or reads the Bible – does not mean he’s trustworthy or ethical.

Continue reading “My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:


  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Awesome Relationship Advice for Single Women by Ms Heart Beat

Awesome Relationship Advice for Single / Unmarried Women by Ms Heart Beat

Ms Heart Beat sometimes writes under the name of Deborrah, and she primarily writes for black ladies, but I, a white lady, totally relate to some of her views.

I don’t always agree with all her opinions, but she is right on the money on some topics. She sometimes peppers her pod casts (or articles) with “adult” language, but don’t let that dissuade you from reading or listening to her material.

Ms. Heart Beat (aka Deborrah), I take it, is not a Christian (though she might be, just not one who subscribes to “gender complementarianism”). I do agree with her that a lot of religious teachings, including ones upheld by evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity – do teach sexism and codependency as acceptable, biblical roles for women under the title of “traditional gender roles” or “biblical gender complementarianism.”

She is also right on the money that women need to hold MEN accountable for MEN’S sexual failings. (That is, for instance, if you are married to a man who sleeps with another woman, you need to be angry at your spouse, not at the mistress.)

Ms. Heart Beat also mentions, in one or both pod casts, that a lot of women think that being single is a fate worse than going to the gas chamber, and that males perpetuate this sort of thinking (and so do segments of Christianity), and she is correct about that – people do in fact make women think that being single is a fate worse than death.

So. You may not agree with all Ms. Heart Beat’s views or all of her word choices (there is cussing involved in these pod casts), but you can learn a lot from her.

edit. Another caveat.
After listening to her podcast entitled, “What is a Hoe and Why a Man Should Happily Marry One,” is pretty much anti-virgin and is basically encouraging men to marry “hoes” (women with prior sexual experience).

She is presenting female virgins as being frigid or bores in bed, which she believes leads married men to cheat… but, as she says in other shows, a man’s sexual failings are his and his alone; it does not matter if the wife is spectacular in bed or a bore, if the man cheats, that’s on him.

Other than that anti-virgin perspective, the rest of her relationship advice is pretty good.

(Link): Are Women Socialized to be Codependent? (podcast)

(Link): The Male Identified Woman (pod cast)

    Explanation of a “male identified” female and how she contributes to the promotion of patriarchial attitudes in both men and women. This episode provides a complete explanation of patriarchy and how it is used in religion, the legal system, society at large, and in our family structure to control females.

    Learn how male-identified women encourage female submission and codependency. Heated discussion of how female indoctrination into the patriarchial mindset makes women believe that being single is akin to going to the gas chamber! How patriarchial attitudes are harming females around the globe and why women must denounce every aspect of their socialization which accepts male dominance and superiority.

I haven’t listened to this one yet, but it looks interesting (and see my “Why I Post Anonymously” page on this blog, go to “About” and the link to it is on the “About” page – I have good reasons why I do not blog under my real name):
(Link): Male War on Women – Stalking and Violence Against Women

    In this final edition of our four part series on the War Against Women we’ll investigate how men view rejection by females, modern dating trends in the “hook up” generation, stalking behaviors, why men murder ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, and birth control sabotage as a weapon in domestic violence.
    The call-in number is 347-327-9215.

(Link): Ms. Heart Beat’s Blog Talk Main Page – where you can listen to more pod casts
Related posts:

(Link): Why Women Should Stop Having Children (by Deborrah)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

Frozen (Movie) Teaches Girls the Dangers of a Whirlwind Romance (editorial)

Frozen Teaches Girls the Dangers of a Whirlwind Romance


By Amanda Marcotte

Also, there’s the part where sisters are doing it for themselves. What’s not to love?

The new Disney movie Frozen, despite appearing to be a normal enough princesses-and-adventures offering from the mouse, has resulted in a pitched controversy among parents online.

In a dramatic twist (which is to say, SPOILERS), the handsome prince who sweeps the princess off her feet in the course of a single day turns out to be a bad guy who is only pretending to love our heroine to get his hands on her inheritance.

Instead of the prince’s true love—which is often portrayed in Disney movies as forming before the heroine says a word—saving the princess, it is a sister’s love that must save the day. Seems like a good, feminist message to send to girls: Don’t agree to marry someone you just met and remember that the love of friends and family counts as much as romantic love. But some parents are really upset.

Continue reading “Frozen (Movie) Teaches Girls the Dangers of a Whirlwind Romance (editorial)”

Marriage does not guarantee sexual purity: Married guy discovers his wife is having sex chats with online buddy

Marriage does not guarantee sexual purity: Married guy discovers his wife is having sex chats with online buddy

But… but… Christians tell you if you just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be regular and spectacular!

I guess marital sex can’t be all that great if this wife is having sex chats with some dude on the internet.

And notice that this is a WOMAN who was dabbling with online sex talk: conservative Christians wrongly assume that women (especially married ones) have zero interest in sex.

And obviously, if this married woman was cheating online using cyber sex, it shows she was NOT perfect.

In other words, it is a fallacy for Christians to teach (and yes, some of them do in fact tell unmarried people) that one has to achieve perfection or purity or godliness or some other criteria before God will permit the person to have a spouse.

If God required that everyone has, or most people have, to meet certain standards before God sends them a spouse, NOBODY would be married, because NOBODY (other than Jesus Christ himself) would QUALIFY.

I see tons and tons of stupid, selfish, immature, ugly, fat, sleazy, or ungodly people – including Christians who are immature, ugly, whatever! – get married ALL THE TIME.

So obviously, God is not waiting for you to mature or develop character -or whatever quality- before he allows you to have a spouse.

And notice it’s a MARRIED woman who is cyber cheating with a guy. This also works against the Christian stereotype that single women are temptresses who seek out men to have flings with.

Letter by a husband to advice columnist:

    Dear Amy:
    I recently came across a chat window my wife left open on her computer. What I saw made me very upset.

    My wife was engaging in sexual chatting with a man she is friends with on a website. Looking at the chat days and times, I learned she was usually doing this chatting late at night after I go to bed but at least once she engaged in this while I was in the room (I know because she told him so).

    I confronted her about it, and she said it got out of hand, but she never apologized. I know she likes to flirt, but calling the guy “babe” and using “xoxoxox” and telling him to have sexy dreams is beyond flirting and seems like an emotional affair.

    They were also exchanging pictures. I am going to talk to my minister this week and ask his opinion, but I feel betrayed and wonder if she needs marriage counseling.

    It is not like our marriage is loveless. We are intimate at least once a week, we cuddle, we meet for lunch, we watch TV shows and snuggle, etc.

    My wife is prone to depression, and I wonder if there is a connection between that and her online behavior, but her stressors seem random to me.

    — Sad Husband

Related posts this blog:

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

(Link): Married Preacher and Father of Five (Geronimo Aguilar) In Trouble Over Multiple Affairs and Sex with Kids

21 YO wheelchair bound woman in abusive marriage

21 YO wheelchair bound woman in abusive marriage

DEAR AMY: I am 21 and newly married. The man I married was a good guy, but now I feel ignored and neglected.

I am disabled and use a wheelchair part time (as well as a service dog). He seems embarrassed by this and has pressured me more than once to not use my wheelchair and push through the pain, even though I feel I should use my chair so I can function later.

He gets angry a lot, and I try to placate him.

He has withheld food until I could clean the kitchen. He says I’m lazy, even though I spend most of my days at school and working. He comments on my weight, even though I am on the low end of my BMI. He makes hurtful comments about my level of physical ability, wishing that I could be “more active and be a cheerleader or something.”

I’ve even been smacked upside the head for making a silly mistake. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I feel perpetually guilty.

Lately I’ve lost interest in him and have a hard time being intimate. I have been taking notice of other men and dreaming about being with other men. I’ve felt so hurt by the things my husband has done, even after he has apologized. Help me; I just don’t know what to do. — Upset

DEAR UPSET: You need to leave this relationship. You report that your husband is emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. This is not safe for you. This situation will not change unless your husband changes, and — even if he apologizes after he has been abusive — you cannot count on him to change.

(Article) Young People in Japan Have Stopped Having Sex – sekkusu shinai shokogun – Celibacy Syndrome

(Article) Young People in Japan Have Stopped Having Sex

I did a similar post like this one several months ago and joked about moving to Japan (or maybe it was an article about China?).

(Link): Why have young people in Japan stopped having sex?

    What happens to a country when its young people stop having sex? Japan is finding out… Abigail Haworth investigates

Abigail Haworth
The Observer, Saturday 19 October 2013

Ai Aoyama is a sex and relationship counsellor who works out of her narrow three-storey home on a Tokyo back street. Her first name means “love” in Japanese, and is a keepsake from her earlier days as a professional dominatrix.

Back then, about 15 years ago, she was Queen Ai, or Queen Love, and she did “all the usual things” like tying people up…

Her work today, she says, is far more challenging. Aoyama, 52, is trying to cure what Japan’s media calls sekkusu shinai shokogun, or “celibacy syndrome”.

Japan’s under-40s appear to be losing interest in conventional relationships. Millions aren’t even dating, and increasing numbers can’t be bothered with sex. For their government, “celibacy syndrome” is part of a looming national catastrophe. Japan already has one of the world’s lowest birth rates.

Continue reading “(Article) Young People in Japan Have Stopped Having Sex – sekkusu shinai shokogun – Celibacy Syndrome”

Lousy Marriages (and Lousy Boyfriends) – Guy Marries Lesbian, Other Guy Fakes Kidnapping To Get Away from Wife etc

Lousy Marriages – Guy Marries Lesbian, Other Guy Fakes Kidnapping To Get Away from Wife etc

There are times when I am glad I am single.

There are some marriages (or dating relationships) so awful, so shitty, people want divorce badly, or they fake being kidnapped to avoid their spouse.

Christians as well as secular culture need to stop over-selling and romanticizing marriage (and other romantic relationships), as they often do.

Sometimes marriage (or a boyfriend) sucks.

Sometimes the person you marry (or are dating) does not or cannot meet all or even most of your needs.

Sometimes the person you marry is emotionally or physically abusive, or has multiple affairs. Some women later find out that their husband is a pedophile.

Here are some examples:

(Link): My wife left me for a woman — could I please have my divorce now?

    I’ve been through hell for two and a half years, and I’d really like this marriage to be officially over!

    Dear Cary:

    My wife left me almost two and a half years ago for a woman. After having worked through everything involving the infidelity, the gay issue, custody of our then 1-1/2-year-old daughter (although I’m not sure I’ll ever be OK with that), etc., I’m ready to move on with my life.

    We decided to go to a mediator, as neither of us was financially able to hire lawyers to take care of the divorce. The first year of mediation was rocky, as I felt I was getting the short end of the stick, and I was fighting for custody of my daughter. Time has cooled things out, and we are what you might call “amicable,” although I don’t really believe that’s how things are.

    I think that I’ve become amicable and she’s become vindictive and controlling. My (still) wife presents a veneer of kindness and responsibility (she’s an ESL teacher and “wonderful” mother).

    However, she for some reason cannot let go. I’ve taken care of all the paperwork, even redoing all of it when both of us moved to different counties.

    Continue reading “Lousy Marriages (and Lousy Boyfriends) – Guy Marries Lesbian, Other Guy Fakes Kidnapping To Get Away from Wife etc”

Self Professing Christian Married Guy of 21 Years and Father of Two Admits to Being a Pervy Unfaithful Rat Bastard Who Uses Cheating Sites to Hook Up With Greedy Vapid 20 Somethings

Self Professing Christian Married Guy of 21 Years and Father of Two Admits to Being a Pervy Unfaithful Rat Bastard Who Uses Cheating Sites to Hook Up With Greedy Vapid 20 Somethings

Recap on typical conservative Christian teachings regarding marriage, gender, dating, etc and so forth:

    1. if you wait until you get married to have sex, God will send you a spouse -and-

    2. that spouse will be a decent Christian person who won’t screw around on you

    3. the marital sex will be great and frequent

    4. it is implied that because the Bible contains the line “be not yoked to a Non Christian” that a Christian woman should marry ONLY a self professing Christian man, because a Christian guy will treat her better, won’t abuse her, won’t cheat on her, etc

    5. It is assumed by Christians that married people have better sexual ethics than un-married people

    6. It is assumed by Christians that people who are parents are more godly, mature, and responsible than the childless or childfree

Here’s another example, farther below, showing all that to be big, fat lies.

Also: men who seek after women more than ten years their junior are perverted, and big loser-creeps. See: (Link): Creepy, wrong, immature and pathetic: older men chasing after much younger women

The ego on some men, too – this pervy, loser douche bag just assumes that the 20 year old girl he approached at the store (who he mentions in his letter) would have said “yes” to his date request.

Reality time for middle aged and senior men out there:

Let me tell you something, most women are GROSSED OUT by older men, unless those older men are ultra rich and the woman in question is greedy, or the older dude is movie star Johnny Depp.

The only reason this letter writing idiot got 20 somethings to date in the first place is that he was hitting them up on a sugar daddy site, which he admitted to using (such women are looking for MONEY).

The vast majority of normal 20- something women do NOT want to date older men, they do NOT have “older men” fantasies, etc.

I am in my 40s and DO NOT want to date or marry any guy age 50 or up. Once I get to 50 myself, I would be fine with a 50 something.

But I have never, ever been keen on dating anyone ten years my senior. Five years makes me nervous, forget about ten.

I get approached by dudes of all ages on dating sites, but the ones with white hair who are in their 60s and older make me want to puke, and they were contacting me when I was in my mid 30s and on dating sites.

(And my god, I do NOT look over mid 30ish, even now.) What makes these guys with jowls, wrinkles, and white hair think any woman in her 30s, 40s (or even 50s) would want to date them?

I disagree with Amy’s advice. If this selfish moron is going to be a serial cheater, he should divorce his wife.

Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy Octber 2013

    I have been happily married for 21 years. Communication is great, we rarely argue and we spend a lot of time together. We have two wonderful teen daughters.

    Unfortunately, I have a major problem. I am completely consumed by lust. I was faithful the first 15 years of marriage but for the past six years I have had intimate affairs with 23 (and counting) girls in their 20s. I hook up with them on “sugar daddy” Web sites.

    Thankfully this terrible action on my part has not caused any financial burden or STDs. I have considered seeing a sex therapist but I think my urges are too strong to fix. Recent example: I was shopping and came upon a hot 20-something. The second I saw her, my heart rate doubled and I had butterflies in my stomach. I started to approach her for a potential date but she walked away.

    Believe it or not, I am a Christian and a churchgoer. I have extreme remorse over my behavior but can’t stop it. Sometimes I think it would be best if I simply filed for divorce so I don’t continue hurting people.
    — Hopeless in the Suburbs

    Divorcing your wife will not diminish the hurt you are causing — it doesn’t even touch the damage you are doing to yourself (and others).

    You sign your letter “Hopeless,” which illustrates the personal hell of an addiction that is consuming you.

    The description of your physical sensations and intention to approach a stranger in a store for sex puts you in the predator category.

    This compulsion is personally and spiritually degrading.

    It is also in direct conflict with your stated personal values.

    There is help for you, but you need to be honest with your wife, admit your powerlessness over this and seek professional help and treatment.

    The next time you are tempted to use the Internet to hunt for another sugar baby, I hope you will be brave enough to find help for yourself instead.

    The Society for the Advancement for Sexual Health offers information and links to articles, professionals and 12-step groups on its Web site: SASH.net.

Speak For Yourself, Melissa Gorga (reality TV star supports marital rape)

Speak For Yourself, Melissa Gorga (reality TV star supports marital rape)

People like this get married, and people like me remain single. Something is definitely amiss.

This is another example of…
1. I’m glad I’ve never married.
2. Christians are lying when they tell you that marital sex will be awesome

She gets into this thing where she claims “all women want to be dominated.” No, we do not. Do not speak for me. (Correction: one site says that is her husband’s comment in the book – that is his view on women.)

(Link): ‘Real Housewife’ Melissa Gorga’s New Book Advocates Marital Rape

    Real Housewives of New Jersey star Melissa Gorga has written an advice book, Love Italian Style, for people who want a marriage as hot and happy as the one she has with her husband Joe. Her entire ethos on the subject boils down to this sentence: “Husbands want their wives to submit; wives want our husbands to dominate.”

    The amount of sexism, gender essentialism, and caveman logic within its pages is so appalling that it’s difficult to believe that her book is anything but a cry for help.

    It’s very clear—from her anecdotes, observations, and tips—that she’s married to a controlling asshole that barely views her as human, let alone an equal. He won’t “allow” her to go on overnight trips without him, he has a say in the clothes she wears, didn’t want her to get a job (even before she became a mother), and he has gotten violent when Melissa does things that he doesn’t like.

    … On why your whore single friends are bad for your marriage [excerpt from book- example of ISOLATION OF SINGLE WOMEN]:

    Listen, we all love to hang out with our single friends. Who’s more fun? But, let’s call a spade a spade. You can’t make a habit of it when you are married. It’s always better for your relationship to go out with people who have more in common with you. You are less likely to get yourself in trouble…[T]oo many…”Girls’ Nights” with the single ladies can only lead to temptation.

(Link): Real Housewife Melissa Gorga ‘supports marital rape’ in her book

    A Real Housewife has come under fire for promoting ‘marital rape’ in her book about how to ‘keep the romance alive and the home fires burning’.
    Melissa Gorga who came to fame for her role on Real Housewives of New Jersey has penned a book about her marriage and one portion that her husband Joe contributed is causing outrage.

    ‘Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated,’ he wrote.

    ‘Women don’t realize how easy men are. Just give us what we want.’

    The couple’s sex life is discussed at length in the book by both of the Gorgas, and Melissa advocates both ‘real passionate sex and maintenance sex’.

    ‘Maintenance sex keeps the wheels greased, the lines of communication open, and the fights to a minimum,’ she wrote, according to Jezebel.

    Her frequent mentions of fights that are avoided using sex has raised some eyebrows about their tempestuous relationship.

    ‘In the beginning, Joe wanted to have sex every single day, at least once, if not twice or three times…If I didn’t give it to him once a day, he’d get upset,’ she wrote.

Your husband is an entitled, selfish, immature asshole.

Virginity for Sale and Virgin = ‘Nerdy Loser’ Perception and… Glad I Ain’t Married Example

Virginity for Sale and Virgin = ‘Nerdy Loser’ Perception and… Glad I Ain’t Married Example

About the mother selling her son’s virginity on Craigslist: There was a similar story about ten years ago. A woman was putting her virginity up to bid on e-Bay, if the guy who won would pay for her college education.

Here’s a weird, disturbing story about a mother who is advertising for a woman – and she has to be “cute” (lookism) – to deflower her son, because as a virgin, according to the Mom, he’s a nerd, but losing his virginity will make him a “college cool kid.”

Not only is that a horrid misperception of virginity and virgins, but I have to wonder about a mother who seemingly feels her son is a total nerdy loser for the mere fact his penis hasn’t been in a vagina (well, or any other body cavity. These days, anything goes). That’s how you measure your son as a person, lady? Really? Wow. That is sick, and pretty sad.

This is so outlandish bizarre, I would not doubt if it was a prank. But again, these days, you never know.

(Link): Scheming mom seeks paid girlfriend for Harvard-bound virgin son on Craigslist

    An unidentified Philadelphia mother wants a willing under-19 ’sugar baby’ to deflower her 18-year-old high schooler, promising to ‘make your financial issues disappear’ in exchange.

    FRIDAY, JULY 19, 2013, 2:59 PM

    A scheming mom is on the hunt for a good-looking girl to seduce her Harvard-bound son before he leaves home.

    An outrageous ad on Craigslist details exactly how the unidentified Philadelphia mother wants a willing participant to deflower her 18-year-old high school child.

    Arranging for her boy to be unknowingly seated next to the vixen at a concert, she wants the girl to pick him up, take his virginity and then sexually educate him until he goes off to college.

    And she’s willing to pay a handsome sum for the job — promising to “make your financial issues disappear” in return.

    “Please put your favorite type of car in the subject, to show that you’re real,” she says in the ad, suggesting that a vehicle could also be up for grabs for the winner.

    The offer, open to any Philly-based woman aged 19 or under, was posted on Tuesday.

    “I want to find a cute young girl to date him and turn him from high school nerd to cool college kid,” the mom adds.

From the Glad I Ain’t Married theme:

Notice that this mentions that generally, the wives enjoy “swapping” or “swinging” more than their spouses – which again, goes against the secular and Christian stereotype that all or most women are sexless, don’t want sex, and don’t enjoy it, and yes, in light of gross stories like this one, I’m glad I’m not married:

(Link): Is Wife Swapping the Next Hot Thing? Call it wife-swapping, call it creepy, but no matter what you call it, there’s no denying this alternative lifestyle is on the upswing.

    “Let’s face it, it’s easy for a married couple to fall into a day-to-day rut. Work, kids, house chores, bills, repeat…,” Brian says. Swinging adds some excitement to the ins and outs of everyday life.

    And with the ease of finding information and partners online (Brian runs the website http://www.theswingscene.com) and changing attitudes about monogamy, more people may be taking the plunge, says Curtis Bergstrand, a sociologist at Bellarmine University in Louisville, Kentucky, and the author of “Swinging in America: Love, Sex and Marriage in the 21st Century.”

    … Not surprisingly, swingers develop more STDS than non-swingers, especially if they’re older women, according to a 2010 study of visitors to a Dutch clinic that provides free screening and treatment.

    Among straight women over the age of 45, 17.9 percent of the swingers tested positively for chlamydia, gonorrhea, or both, (compared to only 4 percent of women who didn’t swing). Of the straight male swingers in that age group, 10.4 percent tested positively for those diseases (compared to 2.4 percent of non-swingers).

    …“I’ve never heard anyone say that swinging improved their marriage,” says relatioship expert and author of “The Breakup Bible,” Rachel Sussman. But she’s noticed that swingers tend to begin their relationship with a “open attitude to sex” and may have started swinging early on. The key, she says, is to establish “hard and fast rules” before you go to swinging events: what can each person do?

    Even though many people assume that swinging is a man’s fantasy, it’s often the women who find themselves enjoy it more, Bergstrand says. Men are more likely to feel competitive with other men, wondering if their wives preferred their swinging partners, while women tend to be supportive of each other within the swinging scene, he says.

Related post this blog

(Link): Critique of CT Article: The Real Value of Sex

The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

The Netherworld of Singleness for Some Singles – You Want Marriage But Don’t Want to Be Disrespected or Ignored for Being Single While You’re Single

I really don’t feel as though I fit in anywhere, even among singles. I am single and have never been married but would like to be married. Then there are times I’m fine with being single.

A problem I have experienced is that most people fall into strictly one side or the other, or some married people handle singlness strictly one way or another; there doesn’t seem to be a middle ground, but I’m in the middle.

There are occasions I’d like to be married, but I resent being overlooked, hounded about, or mistreated by churches and society while I am single, or for being single.

I’d like to be married because it would be great to share life with someone. It would be nice to have companionship.

However, I don’t think I should fall into the codependent habit of thinking I require a man to be whole, happy, or to have an identity.

I also reject Christian sexism (which sneaks into churches under the guise of “gender complementarianism”) which teaches all manner of obnoxious garbage, such as, women need a “male priest” (a.k.a. a husband) to access God on their behalf (yes, they really do teach this crud), or, women need a “male covering.” No, we don’t need either one of those. Those ideas are foreign to the Bible.

Yes, I hope to marry eventually, but while I am single, I want to be treated with respect by secular and Christian culture. I want to be noticed and acknowledged while I am single.

Churches, preachers, and most married Christians typically ignore singles over the age of 30.

If they aren’t ignoring us, churches, pastors, and married Christians are treating us singles over 30 as though we are slaves meant to do nothing but church menial work. Or, they insultingly assuming we’re all fornicating, or, they assume we are still single because we are weird, fat, ugly, socially retarded. Or, they wrongly assume, we singles past 30 must be blazing homosexuals, or stalwart, liberals and feminists.

For singles such as myself who want marriage, it’s frustrating and insulting to hear from preachers and churches that I should just accept singleness, I should “be content,” or I should “make the most of my singleness” and to hear other platitudes.

I abhor the books and blogs by older Christian singles such as myself who have thrown in the towel on their own hopes of marriage to lecture singles like me to just give in too, and they write we should remember God doesn’t care about our earthly happiness (supposedly), and we should remember eternity, where we’ll all be single anyhow.

I want to be respected while I am single and have my needs met by churches as a single. I want to be met where I am. I don’t want my singleness brushed aside, overlooked, or treated like it’s a disease that needs to be cured.

At the same time, though, I want my goal and hope of getting married one day to be RESPECTED and ENCOURAGED, not as is the usual case: shamed, insulted, ignored, or put down, and don’t tell me it’s a sin to be single, or that I am at fault in any way for being single, or that I failed because I was supposed to be married by my mid-20s.

I also don’t want to be given guilt trips or have it implied I am being selfish or ungodly for wanting to be married.

I don’t want pastors, Christian dating and relationship advice authors, and older Christian singles telling me to lay down my hope of being married.

I don’t want or need any more stupid, condescending, rude advice or cliches such as “just grow your hair long,” “Jesus is all you need,” or, “try eHarmony.”

Singles who are happy being single, who don’t want marriage at all, should be respected for remaining single if they so choose.

Some first marriages today in the USA aren’t taking place until one or both partners are in their late 20s or older. I have started collecting news stories of people who don’t get married for the first time until age 35, 40, 50, or older.

I’m afraid a lot of older married couples (as in ones who have been married for decades now) haven’t caught on that culture has changed, and people are delaying marriage until they are older – and contrary to the Al Mohlers and Debbie Makens of the world (the few Christians who do bother to notice that people are marrying later in life), that is not necessarily bad, sinful, or wrong. You just might get married for the first time in your late 30s, age 45, age 55, or who knows when.

Nobody should be pressured into marriage. Singlehood needs to be accepted and respected as a valid life choice for Non Christians and Christians. But often, it’s not. Here’s an example from an “Ask Amy” column:

DEAR AMY: My daughter, 40, was married to a man who was mentally abusive. He estranged her from her brother and friends and tried to end her relationship with her father and me. When she divorced him about five years ago, we were very happy. Fortunately there were no children.

A few years after the divorce she went to therapy, but I don’t know how much progress was made. Now she has no desire to date or to have a committed relationship with a man (or woman, for that matter).

She just says she is not interested. Her brother, who is married, has tried multiple times to encourage her to have a relationship with someone. The way he approached the subject was somewhat harsh, and she is more adamant than ever about meeting or dating.

She is a beautiful and intelligent woman and a very successful lawyer with her own practice. She and I are close. We are able to speak openly with each other, but this is a delicate subject. We are a very small family, and my husband and I won’t be around forever. I would appreciate any advice you can give me.— Worried Mother

DEAR WORRIED: My advice is that you (and her brother, especially) should stop urging your daughter to believe that there is something wrong with her.

You don’t say that she is angry, depressed or friendless, only that she is a successful survivor and a very successful professional and a beautiful, intelligent and lovely daughter.

Marriage and intimate emotional partnerships are not the answer for everyone. If your daughter says she is not interested in having this sort of relationship in her life, I think it would be great (and honest, true and supportive) for her family members to believe her. And then stop bothering her about it.

Amy’s advice is good on this letter. People should not be pushed or hounded into getting married. Singleness should be respected. Singles should be respected.

At the same time, though, remember:

If you are an un-married person who is desiring marriage, that’s acceptable too, regardles of you age.

Don’t let anyone, not famous preachers or older Christian singles in books, blogs, or forums, make you feel ashamed, selfish, or guilty for wanting to get married or for actively pursuing marriage (if you are using dating sites, asking friends to fix you up on dates, using churches to meet other singles, etc).


Related Posts:

(Link):  Christian Blogger About Divorce, Pastor Andrew Webb, Thinks All To Most Mid-Life Never – Married or Single – Again Adults Are Mal-Adjusted, Ugly Losers Who Have Too Much Baggage

(Link):  Research: Being Single [or Fear of Being Single] is a Meaningful Predictor of Settling for Less in Relationships

(Link):  ‘Leftover’ Is A Term Used In Many Parts of Asia For Women Who Haven’t Married By Their Mid-20s

Glad I Was Never Married – The Heartless Wife Vs. Selfish Husband

Glad I Was Never Married – The Heartless Wife Vs. Selfish Husband

This is one of those occasions I’m glad I never married. This letter:

Ask Dr. Sherry: ‘Is It Wrong to Divorce My Dying Husband?’

Just glancing at the headline, I thought the woman sounded like a bitch. But when you read her detailed letter to Dr. Sherry the therapist lady, you see that the husband is no prize either.

The wife put her husband’s needs before her own for two decades. When she began going after what she wanted in life – dropped 70 pounds, went back to school, etc., he began getting upset.

Now he’s got major health problems and the wife doesn’t want to stay with him.

Neither the husband or wife sound like great people.

Oh yeah, this is also another example that married people are not perfect. They too are selfish, not just single people.

How Did this Idiot Get A Wife? – ‘They’re Married?!’ Series

How Did this Idiot Get A Wife? – ‘They’re Married?!’ Series

(Link): Things That Make You Go Hmmm …

Letter to an advice columnist, “Dear Prudence”:

I’d like to give my new love the hardly used vibrator of my deceased wife. That cool?

  • Dear Prudence,
    In the summer of 2011 my wife and I purchased a top-of-the-line Jopen vibrator. We used it a few times and were just beginning to really integrate it into our sex lives when my wife died suddenly of a heart attack. (The vibrator had nothing to do with that.)
  • Now, more than a year later, I’ve begun to date again. I’ve met a woman with an open mind, and I’m thinking she might be interested in using the vibrator.
  • But I’m not sure how, or whether, to suggest it. Is it creepy to offer a dead woman’s vibrator to someone else? And if so what else can I do with it? Sell it on Craigslist?

    It’s an expensive piece of equipment, barely used, and it should be employed (and loved) once again.

    All of my wife’s other major possessions found wonderful new homes with dear friends of hers. But then again, a vibrator’s got a different—well, vibe about it. Sell it, toss it, or share it?

What. The. Hell. Dude?

Ewww. Gross. And how is it that a moron like this gets a spouse, then a girlfriend… and meanwhile, I’m still single? Just wow.

Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick (copy)

Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick

(Link): Why Marriage Is Good for Your Health — Until You Get Sick

It’s supposed to last through sickness and in health, but it turns out that it’s a better idea to get married because you love someone, not because you think it’s going to keep you healthy for the long haul.

That’s the message from a study published this month in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, which contradicts previous research that extolled the health benefits of partnership. It turns out that marriage is all well and good — until a person’s health starts declining.

….But while “marriage is good for health, … its protective effect declines as people’s health declines,” says Zheng.

What’s going on? Does love fade as health fades? That’s hard to document from the studies analyzed, but part of the explanation may be more prosaic. Married people are not as quick to report declining health as unmarried people. So by the time a married person cops to having failing health, that person may already be in dire straits.

Those Times When You’re Glad to be a Celibate, Single Christian – 2 [Herpes Dating Site]

Those Times When You’re Glad to be a Celibate, Single Christian – Part 2


I did a google to see if one of my recent posts here had already been indexed by google (it has), and the link below turned up on the front page (and no, none of my posts have had anything to do about herpes – well, aside from the one where I pasted a quote by someone who had herpes asking an advice columnist for help, which I mentioned (Link): here).

Here’s the site that turned up on the first page of the results:

Herpes Dating Sites – Happy with Herpes
Here’s a list and review of some Herpes dating sites so you can find a partner … You have something in common (though it might be awkward telling people … In 2007, on a boring Thursday night, I received a wink on PositiveSingles, … I have decided after years of having herpes to stop hiding, and learn how to be honest.

Seriously, there’s a whole dating site for people with herpes? (Edit: and they’re “Happy” about it. All righty. Odd.)


(Link): ‘STD-Verified’ Dating App Is Startup Culture Via Nutshell: Frank, Unchecked, Inevitable  by J. Burns