These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

(Link): These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon

Excerpts:

June 14, 2021
by Michael Blackmon

…In choosing to be single and child-free, [49-year-old author and educator]  Turner’s relationship with herself has blossomed. “All my time is for me. I don’t have to dress up for anyone but me. I don’t have to shave. It’s so freeing to go out and not worry about how I look, will someone find me attractive or not,” she said. “I find that I have more confidence and security within myself. I am not looking to [a partner] for validation.”

Turner is just one of hundreds of singles who responded to a BuzzFeed News callout asking the unattached if they were happy.

The submissions were varied, from people who had been single for just a few months to those who had been going solo for much of their lives.

Continue reading “These People Have Chosen The Single Life — And They Are Thriving by Michael Blackmon”

Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto

Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto

(Link): Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up

Excerpts:

October 2020

For generations, if you were older and single, the assumption was that you weren’t happy about it.

Older women, especially, who were alone for any reason — widowhood, divorce, or simply not meeting the right person — were the recipients of sympathetic clucks and dating suggestions from well-meaning friends, and they often felt shy about attending events usually frequented by couples.

But increasingly, men and women in their 50s and 60s are thumbing their noses at the notion of couple-hood as an expectation — or even a desire.

“Dating? Absolutely not. I have zero interest,” says Janice (last name withheld), a divorced 59-year-old who lives in the San Francisco Bay area.

Why single is the new normal
Whether or not people are choosing to stay single for good, statistics show that it’s become far more common, across all ages.

Continue reading “Why Older Singles Aren’t Looking To Couple Up by Janet Siroto”

If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)

Yeesh. If you are single, want to be married, and ever feel lousy or discouraged about being single still, you might want to check out the movie “Gone Girl.”

Or not. It may forever discourage you from dating ever again, LOL – which is why I put “maybe watch it” in the subject heading of this post.

What a creepy movie.

I saw it tonight because it came on one of the cable TV channels I get.

It stars Ben Afflec (however his name is spelled) married to some blonde lady. This movie contains twists and turns.

You start out feeling bad for the wife, because the husband looks like a cheating, insensitive, selfish, lazy, jerk.

But then as the movie goes on, you learn the blonde wife is no prize, either. You then also feel sorry for the husband as you start learning more about the sicko wife.

Continue reading “If You Are Ever Bummed About Being Single, Maybe Watch “Gone Girl” (Movie)”

Texas Double Murder Suspect Dreamed of Cutting Off Wife’s Head, Police Allege

I see stories like the one I’m blogging about in his post and think sometimes being single is not so bad by comparison. Or, more accurately, it’s pointless to be married if the person you’re married to is violent, selfish, a jerk, or a psycho – like the guy in this story.

I have times where I’m okay with being single, other times I’d like to be married (mainly for the companionship), but geeze frikkin’ louise, I see stories like this one and think having a husband this terrible is far worse than being single.

Not only did the guy kill his wife, but he was telling people prior to killing her that he didn’t like her. He was fed up with the way she looked and dressed.

I mean, good Lord, there is no point in getting married if the guy you’re married to cannot stand you, is not going to like you or respect you, and tells co-workers he fantasizes about cutting your head off.

I’d rather be husband-less than married to a violent, self absorbed douche-canoe who cannot even stand to be in the same room with me.

The article gets even more sad when you read about how a friend says the murdered woman had dreamed of getting married and having a kid since she was 12 years old, and she had three miscarriages before having their son (whom the guy also killed).

By the way: this again shows that being married and a parent does NOT, as Christians often claim, make a person more godly, ethical, or loving.

This also goes to show that contrary to most Christian advice I’ve seen, a person does not have to be perfect or godly to earn, merit, or get a spouse from God. If a person had to have a good heart and be a great person to start with before God would allow that person a spouse, than this evil idiot in this story never would’ve gotten married to start with.

(Link): Texas Double Murder Suspect Dreamed of Cutting Off Wife’s Head, Police Allege

A Texas man charged with (Link): fatally slashing the throats of his wife and infant son allegedly told co-workers he heard voices telling him to “kill people” and had dreamed of hurting his spouse, according to a newly released police affidavit obtained by PEOPLE.

The accusations detail suspect Craig Vandewege’s bizarre behavior before and after his 36-year-old wife, Shanna Vandewege, and their 3-month-old son, Diederick, were found dead in Fort Worth, Texas, on Dec. 15.

Continue reading “Texas Double Murder Suspect Dreamed of Cutting Off Wife’s Head, Police Allege”

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

(Link): World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single

Excerpts:

by Y. Shah

The world has a new oldest person. Meet Emma Morano of Verbania, Italy. At 116-years-old, Morano is believed to be the last documented person alive who was born in the 1800s.

Continue reading “World’s Oldest Woman Said Secret to Long Life is Staying Single”

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband

Another example of how it can pay off to be single and celibate. Letter to advice columnist Ask Amy.

Jan 2016:

  • Dear Amy:
  • I am a 60-year-old divorced woman. My cheating ex-husband gave me herpes. Because of this I have been reluctant to date.
  • I have visited a website for people with similar conditions but didn’t find it acceptable. My question is, at what point in a relationship do you tell a potential partner that you have a sexually transmitted disease?
  • Signed,
  • Full of Fear and Loathing
  • Dear Full of Fear and Loathing:
  • I hope you will find a way to shed the stigma of having this STD, which is quite common (estimates are that 1 in 6 adults have genital herpes, though many don’t know it). You have done nothing wrong.

Continue reading “60 Year Old Lady Contracted Herpes from Cheating Husband”

My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney

My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney

The link to the article is much farther below. I wanted to say a few things first.

I’ve only read about 1/3 or 1/4th of this article so far (and have skimmed down more), and holy moly, this is one of those times where I’m all “I am so freaking glad I have never married. There ARE benefits to being single.”

I feel sorry for this lady and wish her the best, but her story does serve as some kind of reminder that marriage is not all the romantic Hollywood movies or conservative Christians make it out to be.

Note that she writes that she met her husband – who not only killed a woman years prior, but went on to rape two women – in a soup kitchen.

I mention this because often on Christian TV shows, I hear preachers tell single women who want to marry to go volunteer at soup kitchens (or other places) if they want to meet eligible men and get married. (I also to this day get similar advice from Christian family members.)

I think this is a good example of why you need to take a man’s character into account, not just his profession of beliefs, or that you even meet him at a soup kitchen.

Just because a guy APPEARS to be upstanding – he volunteers, or goes to church weekly, or reads the Bible – does not mean he’s trustworthy or ethical.

Continue reading “My Husband Raped Two Women — And I Had To Answer For His Crimes by S. Moroney”

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages

A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages 

Before we get to the post by J D Hall:

Background:

  • The Village Church (TVC) of Texas has placed Karen, who was once a member of theirs, under church discipline because she did not, according to them, abide by the church covenant she signed.
  • Instead of conferring with the church on what to do, Karen, on her own, sought an annulment from the state of Texas, once she discovered her then-spouse, Jordan, was a pedophile.
  • Karen said she spent about 50 days conferring with other Christians (not from the TVC), and in prayer, mulling over what to do, before seeking the annulment.
  • This action of hers has ticked off TVC leadership, because Karen did not get their permission to get the annulment.
  • Matt Chandler is the lead preacher of TVC.

You can read additional reporting of this situation here (additional material is at the bottom of this post):

Here is the page I am responding to:

(Link, off site): A Rational Response to the Criticism of Village Church  by  J D Hall, Pulpit and Pen blog

The covenant that Hall is so rigorously defending – TVC’s membership covenant – here does not even mention annulments.

As Karen explains (off site Link, Source):

  • …it is worth noting here that although The Village Church claims [in their e-mail] that “We see an annulment as a subcategory of what Scripture defines as a divorce in Mark 10:9” …, this cannot be found anywhere in their Membership Covenant or Bylaws.
  • In signing their Membership Covenant shortly after my 24th birthday, I had agreed to nothing in regards to the possibility of annulment should I come to realize that my marriage had been a complete sham from the beginning.
  • There is a vast difference between a divorce and a marriage that is voided on the grounds of fraud, and I had no way of knowing that the leadership of The Village Church would respond to it in this fashion.

Continue reading “A Response To J D Hall’s Vomit-tastic Post about Village Church’s Handling of Certain Members, Covenants, and Marriages”

Awesome Relationship Advice for Single Women by Ms Heart Beat

Awesome Relationship Advice for Single / Unmarried Women by Ms Heart Beat

Ms Heart Beat sometimes writes under the name of Deborrah, and she primarily writes for black ladies, but I, a white lady, totally relate to some of her views.

I don’t always agree with all her opinions, but she is right on the money on some topics. She sometimes peppers her pod casts (or articles) with “adult” language, but don’t let that dissuade you from reading or listening to her material.

Ms. Heart Beat (aka Deborrah), I take it, is not a Christian (though she might be, just not one who subscribes to “gender complementarianism”). I do agree with her that a lot of religious teachings, including ones upheld by evangelical and fundamentalist Christianity – do teach sexism and codependency as acceptable, biblical roles for women under the title of “traditional gender roles” or “biblical gender complementarianism.”

She is also right on the money that women need to hold MEN accountable for MEN’S sexual failings. (That is, for instance, if you are married to a man who sleeps with another woman, you need to be angry at your spouse, not at the mistress.)

Ms. Heart Beat also mentions, in one or both pod casts, that a lot of women think that being single is a fate worse than going to the gas chamber, and that males perpetuate this sort of thinking (and so do segments of Christianity), and she is correct about that – people do in fact make women think that being single is a fate worse than death.

So. You may not agree with all Ms. Heart Beat’s views or all of her word choices (there is cussing involved in these pod casts), but you can learn a lot from her.

edit. Another caveat.
After listening to her podcast entitled, “What is a Hoe and Why a Man Should Happily Marry One,” is pretty much anti-virgin and is basically encouraging men to marry “hoes” (women with prior sexual experience).

She is presenting female virgins as being frigid or bores in bed, which she believes leads married men to cheat… but, as she says in other shows, a man’s sexual failings are his and his alone; it does not matter if the wife is spectacular in bed or a bore, if the man cheats, that’s on him.

Other than that anti-virgin perspective, the rest of her relationship advice is pretty good.

(Link): Are Women Socialized to be Codependent? (podcast)

(Link): The Male Identified Woman (pod cast)

    Explanation of a “male identified” female and how she contributes to the promotion of patriarchial attitudes in both men and women. This episode provides a complete explanation of patriarchy and how it is used in religion, the legal system, society at large, and in our family structure to control females.

    Learn how male-identified women encourage female submission and codependency. Heated discussion of how female indoctrination into the patriarchial mindset makes women believe that being single is akin to going to the gas chamber! How patriarchial attitudes are harming females around the globe and why women must denounce every aspect of their socialization which accepts male dominance and superiority.

I haven’t listened to this one yet, but it looks interesting (and see my “Why I Post Anonymously” page on this blog, go to “About” and the link to it is on the “About” page – I have good reasons why I do not blog under my real name):
(Link): Male War on Women – Stalking and Violence Against Women

    In this final edition of our four part series on the War Against Women we’ll investigate how men view rejection by females, modern dating trends in the “hook up” generation, stalking behaviors, why men murder ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, and birth control sabotage as a weapon in domestic violence.
    The call-in number is 347-327-9215.

(Link): Ms. Heart Beat’s Blog Talk Main Page – where you can listen to more pod casts
——————————-
Related posts:

(Link): Why Women Should Stop Having Children (by Deborrah)

(Link): The Irrelevancy To Single or Childless or Childfree Christian Women of Biblical Gender Complementarian Roles / Biblical Womanhood Teachings

Frozen (Movie) Teaches Girls the Dangers of a Whirlwind Romance (editorial)

Frozen Teaches Girls the Dangers of a Whirlwind Romance

Source:
slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/12/27/
frozen_teaches_young_girls_not_to_marry_
the_first_guy_who_shows_an_interest.html

By Amanda Marcotte

Also, there’s the part where sisters are doing it for themselves. What’s not to love?

The new Disney movie Frozen, despite appearing to be a normal enough princesses-and-adventures offering from the mouse, has resulted in a pitched controversy among parents online.

In a dramatic twist (which is to say, SPOILERS), the handsome prince who sweeps the princess off her feet in the course of a single day turns out to be a bad guy who is only pretending to love our heroine to get his hands on her inheritance.

Instead of the prince’s true love—which is often portrayed in Disney movies as forming before the heroine says a word—saving the princess, it is a sister’s love that must save the day. Seems like a good, feminist message to send to girls: Don’t agree to marry someone you just met and remember that the love of friends and family counts as much as romantic love. But some parents are really upset.

Continue reading “Frozen (Movie) Teaches Girls the Dangers of a Whirlwind Romance (editorial)”

Marriage does not guarantee sexual purity: Married guy discovers his wife is having sex chats with online buddy

Marriage does not guarantee sexual purity: Married guy discovers his wife is having sex chats with online buddy

But… but… Christians tell you if you just wait until marriage to have sex, that the sex will be regular and spectacular!

I guess marital sex can’t be all that great if this wife is having sex chats with some dude on the internet.

And notice that this is a WOMAN who was dabbling with online sex talk: conservative Christians wrongly assume that women (especially married ones) have zero interest in sex.

And obviously, if this married woman was cheating online using cyber sex, it shows she was NOT perfect.

In other words, it is a fallacy for Christians to teach (and yes, some of them do in fact tell unmarried people) that one has to achieve perfection or purity or godliness or some other criteria before God will permit the person to have a spouse.

If God required that everyone has, or most people have, to meet certain standards before God sends them a spouse, NOBODY would be married, because NOBODY (other than Jesus Christ himself) would QUALIFY.

I see tons and tons of stupid, selfish, immature, ugly, fat, sleazy, or ungodly people – including Christians who are immature, ugly, whatever! – get married ALL THE TIME.

So obviously, God is not waiting for you to mature or develop character -or whatever quality- before he allows you to have a spouse.

And notice it’s a MARRIED woman who is cyber cheating with a guy. This also works against the Christian stereotype that single women are temptresses who seek out men to have flings with.

Letter by a husband to advice columnist:

    Dear Amy:
    I recently came across a chat window my wife left open on her computer. What I saw made me very upset.

    My wife was engaging in sexual chatting with a man she is friends with on a website. Looking at the chat days and times, I learned she was usually doing this chatting late at night after I go to bed but at least once she engaged in this while I was in the room (I know because she told him so).

    I confronted her about it, and she said it got out of hand, but she never apologized. I know she likes to flirt, but calling the guy “babe” and using “xoxoxox” and telling him to have sexy dreams is beyond flirting and seems like an emotional affair.

    They were also exchanging pictures. I am going to talk to my minister this week and ask his opinion, but I feel betrayed and wonder if she needs marriage counseling.

    It is not like our marriage is loveless. We are intimate at least once a week, we cuddle, we meet for lunch, we watch TV shows and snuggle, etc.

    My wife is prone to depression, and I wonder if there is a connection between that and her online behavior, but her stressors seem random to me.

    — Sad Husband

———————
Related posts this blog:

(Link): Marriage Does Not Make People More Loving Mature Godly Ethical Caring or Responsible (One Stop Thread)

(Link): Why Christians Need to Uphold Lifelong Celibacy as an Option for All Instead of Merely Pressuring All to Marry – vis a vis Sexless Marriages, Counselors Who Tell Marrieds that Having Affairs Can Help their Marriages

(Link): Married Woman Signing off as “Looking Ahead” Admits to Being in Sexless Marriage for TEN YEARS

(Link): More Married Couples Admit to Sexless Marriages (various articles) / Christians promise you great frequent sex if you wait until marriage, but the propaganda is not true

(Link): Married Preacher and Father of Five (Geronimo Aguilar) In Trouble Over Multiple Affairs and Sex with Kids

21 YO wheelchair bound woman in abusive marriage

21 YO wheelchair bound woman in abusive marriage

DEAR AMY: I am 21 and newly married. The man I married was a good guy, but now I feel ignored and neglected.

I am disabled and use a wheelchair part time (as well as a service dog). He seems embarrassed by this and has pressured me more than once to not use my wheelchair and push through the pain, even though I feel I should use my chair so I can function later.

He gets angry a lot, and I try to placate him.

He has withheld food until I could clean the kitchen. He says I’m lazy, even though I spend most of my days at school and working. He comments on my weight, even though I am on the low end of my BMI. He makes hurtful comments about my level of physical ability, wishing that I could be “more active and be a cheerleader or something.”

I’ve even been smacked upside the head for making a silly mistake. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I feel perpetually guilty.

Lately I’ve lost interest in him and have a hard time being intimate. I have been taking notice of other men and dreaming about being with other men. I’ve felt so hurt by the things my husband has done, even after he has apologized. Help me; I just don’t know what to do. — Upset

DEAR UPSET: You need to leave this relationship. You report that your husband is emotionally, verbally and physically abusive. This is not safe for you. This situation will not change unless your husband changes, and — even if he apologizes after he has been abusive — you cannot count on him to change.